Onwards To Victory
Onwards To Victory is unapologetic & unfiltered. With a voice that captivates the soul and a glorious moustache that demands attention, Magnus Danger Magnus (yes, that’s his real name) brings over 25 years of showbiz flair to the mic.
This podcast dives headfirst into the wild world of performing arts, showcasing stories from all walks of life: Big name comedians, world touring acrobats, celebrity drag queens, and underground freak show weirdos. All sharing their most unbelievable stories.
Buckle up for an ADHD powered ride featuring razor-sharp wit and the most captivating voice in show business. Here to redefine what you thought a podcast could be. This is Onwards To Victory.
Onwards To Victory
Circus stunt goes HORRIBLY WRONG, breaking Logy Logan's P**** - Onwards To Victory | Ep 4
Brace yourselves—this one’s an absolute rollercoaster! The unstoppable Logy Logan joins Magnus Danger Magnus on Onwards To Victory for an episode packed with jaw-breaking stories, circus carnage, and outrageous moments that will make you wince, laugh, and seriously question his life choices! 🎪😵💫
From the streets of Northern Ireland to performing across the globe, Logy unleashes insane tales of stunts gone disastrously wrong, including the time he severely broke his penis (yes, that actually happened), shattered his jaw, and somehow dodged a $100,000 medical bill—all while flirting with a nurse and attempting to eat a chocolate bar to prove to medical professionals he was fine. Spoiler: He absolutely was not.
Get ready for hilarious disasters, jaw-dropping moments, and the kind of chaos only a true street performer can survive!
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PLEASE NOTE:
Onwards To Victory takes a fresh, bold approach, stepping away from our usual content, and we couldn’t be more excited for this new adventure! We’ll dive into a wide variety of topics—some a bit more adult-oriented. Parents of younger listeners, please note that some discussions may be intended for mature audiences. Enjoy the wild ride!
How can we satisfy your ear holes even more? What do you like? What do you not like?
Don't you know? We all cheer for Magnus Danger D. I am very excited because my guest just so happens to be one of my favorite people in the goddamn world, but I very rarely get to see them. I've known them a very long time, but they're here today and boy oh boy. Beautiful folks, listeners, viewers, everybody. Prepare yourself for a goddamn oncoming tsunami of charisma and hair. That is my friend, Mr logan. Holy shit, what the fuck? Surprise, hello you're here.
Speaker 1:It was me the whole time look, you've been sitting in this chair to my left ever since we began doing this thing hi logy, how are you? I am well, how are you, but it's uh, it's the last week we're here. Edinburgh fringe, if. If anyone's not aware, yeah, logie's been doing a bunch of stage shows and you've been doing Street for the last two weeks.
Speaker 2:I've been doing Street from the start as well, oh yeah, but exclusively Street. Oh yeah, Exclusively Street the last week and a half, week and a half.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the time dilation is pretty serious at this point.
Speaker 2:It all blurs together at a point all blurs together.
Speaker 1:Yeah now, logi, I'm a big fan of yours. I think you're fantastic. I would love it. This juncture, logi, why don't you let us all know, let my listeners and viewers know, why any of them should give a flying fuck as to who the fuck you are. What tell them. Tell the people how fucking great you are.
Speaker 2:I'm dubious about how great I am. I am what I like to think. I'm adequate. I'm like you know a decent height, a fine build, a gentle lover. I feel like you know?
Speaker 1:oh yeah, can it can confirm? Let's get. Okay, I'm gonna tease this shit out of you. Where, okay, where are you from? So?
Speaker 2:I am from northern ireland ah, there's a northern island, okay yeah, based in Limavady, northern Ireland, northern Ireland's best kept medium-sized town in 1988, and 2002. Yeah, Home of.
Speaker 1:Danny Boy All right, oh, he's here around here somewhere. How long have you?
Speaker 2:been doing street, for I think I've been doing street about 15 years.
Speaker 1:This is for those who aren't aware, we're not. We don't mean, like you know, freelance prostitution. We're talking about street performing. Wait, I forgot your answer already. How long have you been doing it? 15 years, holy mackerel. Jesus, Louise, how many countries have you gone to? Because I've seen your Instagram.
Speaker 2:you exciting man. I was talking to someone earlier about this. I was trying to work it out. I think it's possibly 49 countries. But I also I keep getting either reminded about stuff that it was like, oh, you were there as well and I was like I forgot I went to that country, or you were in this country and I was like I forgot about that, or I say that I'm somewhere and they're like you'd never been there. That doesn't exist.
Speaker 1:This sounds very similar to that when you try and write down all the people you've had sex with.
Speaker 2:And it's mostly just different drawings of yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's like, oh, that's masturbating, but you do a deep drawing. Yeah, I'm a visual learner. Yeah, I just draw portraits of all the people I vaguely remember. Oh yeah, just their genitals, just like to a sketch. Genitals and feet, ah yes.
Speaker 2:I can tell by the feet in the same way. You know, like dentists and stuff, they use medical records for teeth. Oh yeah, I can tell by the toes who I've been with. All right, yeah there's this.
Speaker 1:You've reminded me of this very weird thing. I don't know if I brought this up in a previous podcast yet, but, um, I'm getting like naked for strangers, you know, every night, and we just recently celebrated the 200th adult show. It's the 200th naked walkthrough of the show.
Speaker 2:I'm just glad you said chill at any point in that sentence.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 200th conviction? Yeah, yeah, it was like the 200th show. So if you're being pretty frugal about it, you would say you could average out it's at least 100 people per show. Right, it's definitely more than that. But 200 shows with 100 people, that's 20,000 sets of eyes on this. Goddamn.
Speaker 2:UPS package, sweet package, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1:So this thing that happens when you're walking around in Edinburgh I don't think I've told you about this it's really odd when people just clock you in the street and they figure out who you are and they do this weird look. That's kind of like they just give it a quick up and down and then they kind of clam up because they're not really sure what the protocol is. You know, like in their mind they go I've seen your dick, but I don't know what am I do? I still say hello, are we now close enough to hug? I don't know I, I've.
Speaker 2:I had a thing. I had a very similar thing. I did a show once where me and a guy did possibly the best trick that has ever happened on a stage. Oh, where we thought we were like standing ovation, yeah, there was three of us all doing Diablo and we thought, do you know what we're going to do? This amazing trick where one person's going to spin the Diablo, we're going to put it on the string, we're going to launch the Diablo up in the air and the other person catches it and it's like brilliant. But we thought we would tie the string, your cock and balls, spin the diablo on it, jump back at the same time, launch it into the air. Oh, yeah, I get it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we went for different theories on how to tie it. So he went around his balls where I went only on the shaft because I'm a clever kitten and I was like this will make more sense. And as I, as I jumped back, two things happened the string in his side tightened so much that they couldn't get it off. So one of the stagehands was holding him down, trying to cut it off. But he was trying to get it off, whereas mine ripped off and injured my dick, which I was standing completely naked. The third guy just caught the Diablo smiling. Everyone stood standing evasion. I went to lean against what I thought was the wall at the back. It wasn't, it was the curtain. So I fell off the back of the stage, had to crawl up onto the stage to get out, and then I had to get someone to give me a hand to go to the. It was Naked, with a Naked, with my dick bleeding, and then I had to go to the on-site, like A&E guys.
Speaker 2:Oh, site like a and a guys, oh god. So I went across to them and it was in, it was in the netherlands. And I went across to the guy and it was a younger doctor and an older doctor and I put clothes back on at this point, went in. I was like, oh, I've had an injury. And they were like oh yeah, that's just what we're here for. And it's like it's a strain injury. And it's like no, we've seen all of it. And I was like all right, I've broken my dick. And the older doctor was like, get, no, stuff happens all the time. So I pulled my trousers down. But the younger doctor, he looked me in the eyes and then I'm a junk and back of the eyes and back of my dick. And then just walked out and didn't say anything.
Speaker 2:And I tried to explain to the other guy. He was like what happened. I was like, oh, it's, I think, a friction burn and nipping and ripping. Oh yeah. And as he was looking at it I kept saying to him. I was like so I want the swelling to stay, but the pain to go away. And he kept looking at me. He's like what do you mean? I was like I want the swelling to stay there, but I want the pain to go away and he's like. I don't understand why you would want that.
Speaker 1:He's like you don't understand why I would want that. Do you not have erections in this country?
Speaker 2:But what made it worse? He gave me do you know one of the things if you broke your finger you get the little sock for your finger. So he gave me like a little dick sock.
Speaker 1:Oh, really Like the little finger condom.
Speaker 2:With a little splint on the side of it. And then my favorite thing was everyone who's seen that show kept seeing me in the next couple of days and every time they would see me they were like how are you? And then a fabulous. And then there was a friend who was sitting. I was having dinner with someone and this other person didn't know what happened, yeah, and a group of friends came and sat and they just assumed they knew, they thought they were another performer and they were like, oh so we've all been talking and, um, we didn't you know, we didn't know what to do. And we were like how does your dick still work?
Speaker 1:So without context, these other guys were like what the fuck?
Speaker 2:And then, to make it worse, one of the guys turned around and was like look, we all put our data together. Okay, this was about maybe 10 years ago. They all put their cell phone data together. I was like we downloaded you some porn and we put it onto this phone in case you need to check. But there was a weird moment because I was like, oh shit, I don't know if I have had an erection since this happened. I've not been thinking about it, I've been putting cream on it. Wait, did they give you that?
Speaker 1:anti-erection cream.
Speaker 2:They gave me cream and I don't know. There was no point that. I looked at my junk and thought, yeah, this, this thing is going well. It looked, it had so many colors, it was beautiful oh, like a work of art.
Speaker 1:Whoa did it go? Like crazy it went all the colors, wow.
Speaker 2:But the only thing was I kept every time I tried to document it. There was no good angle that makes it look like it wasn't a beaten up swollen child's penis Like a minced peacock. Oh, it was like shrunken from the pain but swollen in weird places. Everything looked wrong in it. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:I have a feeling we're going to be talking about your injury because there's still at least one very, very big injury story that you and I have shared, that we've got to get to at some point the time that your dick got broke. Get to at some point your dick got broke. I've had like a couple of dick. I mean I've had a banjo string go um and a oh I've still.
Speaker 2:I've got a scar from an ex who had like very sharp fingernails I have a weird scar on my chest where a woman put a cigarette out on me because she said do you think you'll remember me? And I was like yeah, maybe. And then she put a cigarette on my me because she said do you think you'll remember me? And I was like yeah, maybe. And then she put a cigarette out of my chest. It was weird because I was staying at hers and I had nowhere else to go, so I just had to play it off. Like you know, that's a cool thing to do to me. I love that.
Speaker 1:No, you told me yesterday you love gaslighting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man, what you've had, yeah.
Speaker 1:Cigarette. What the hell is that story?
Speaker 2:Oh so there was a woman who I met and she's really lovely and she used to play in bands. She was a drummer in a band, yeah, and we hooked up a bunch of times and it was I think this was whenever I was, I think, like maybe 18 or 19.
Speaker 1:So everything was all still exciting.
Speaker 2:You're like, yeah, captain Slut, and, oh my God, someone willing to have sex with me Great, Great yeah, and I was like, oh, and she was older than me, and you were like not by much, like about five years, which at the time feels massive when you're 18, that's a big deal.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I was. I think I tried to smoke a little bit because I wanted to look cool. Oh yeah, but I was trying to not cough and stutter, so it was very. It turned into one of those one-sided conversations because I was trying not to cough. So I think she thought maybe I was being silent and then she took that upon herself to go do you know what? This young man, maybe he doesn't think he's too cool to converse with me, so maybe I need to treat him mean, Treat him mean, keep him keen. I mean, that's a fairly serious escalation.
Speaker 1:You've still got a scarf. Of course it's a particular person, jesus. Wow, well, I mean it worked. Do you like send her Christmas cards or something?
Speaker 2:I just ashtrays, just send her ashtrays. She's like that's what you use, that's what you're supposed to do.
Speaker 1:You said they're like ashtrays, with you in them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just little cutouts yeah.
Speaker 1:We're like wearing a Christmas hat. We'll do a photo shoot of you doing one of those really dorky Christmas in a sweater. Oh no, it can't be a sweater. You have to have your chest exposed, yeah. Just written across my face hey thinking of you, oh man, the injury story that I want to bring up. I just maybe this is hubris, but I'm just assuming that it's, you know, amongst the biggest injuries.
Speaker 2:I think it's definitely up there. Yeah, I think the fallout from it as well made it worse. How long ago was it now was at the very, very start of lockdown? Yeah, because whenever I went into hospital the world hadn't shut down yet and when it came out it had the world.
Speaker 1:oh my god, it was like a 28 days later scenario okay, I want to set this up now because there was this, there's a preamble to this that I think is pretty amusing. So you and I were sharing an Airbnb in Adelaide, right, and you know, both of us, we're both very busy. Yeah, we're busy, men Stuff to do.
Speaker 2:We're men.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know doing a bunch of man stuff manning it up.
Speaker 2:Cutting wood.
Speaker 1:Yeah, shaping Fitting on the ground, yeah, yeah. Complaining of a woman yes, oh yeah, of course telling you know 50s style jokes about our wives yeah but, um, we, we did have room for a third to stay there oh yeah, this, but this story right. So the absolutely delightful and, quite frankly, uh, spectacularly gorgeous Amy Dimples was looking for a place to stay, and this is going to sound really dodgy. Just the first bit. She was looking for a place to stay and she didn't have a lot of money.
Speaker 1:This sounds really good I also remember that conversation with her as well.
Speaker 2:It was like it just felt dirty when she mentioned. She was like yeah, yeah, she's like I don't have a lot of money and stuff, but I can cook and clean. Yeah, not unlike a maid. Yeah, you're like that was for her words, yeah.
Speaker 1:and she's like, yeah, uh, I just I need some place to say I like you guys, uh, and I, I can't pay my way, but yeah, I will, I'll be your maid for the month. And she's like, she's just so good and instantly, of course, I'm just imagining, well, we're going to get her an outfit for this yeah.
Speaker 1:But you and I were both looking at each other, going this seems like a good deal and we'd be helping her out. Can we do this without seeming like complete pieces of shit? Yeah, but she was like, yeah, absolutely. And then we did, yeah, and then she was fabulous. We had a great time, yeah, and luckily she was there, because it wasn't long after that that you I heard the story was you were taking a phone call from your mum yeah, Is that okay?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because what did end up happening?
Speaker 1:This is the big part of the story here, the main injury. Yeah, I'll let this spill out of you.
Speaker 2:So my favourite thing about the story is, every time someone asked me about it, everyone's heard something slightly different. Yeah, and it was like my favorite is someone's like oh, I heard you fell off a bike. And they were like, oh, you ride motorbikes. And I was like no, it wasn't about, it was a scooter. And they're like, oh, some of those scooters are dangerous. Like no, no, like a normal push scooter. They were like those electric scooters are getting.
Speaker 2:And you're like, no, no, no, no, no, a child's push scooter, no engine, no motor, no, just a normal child's push scooter. And I stood on it and they were like, oh, you must be really drunk. It's like nope, just finished shows and I was getting ready to go home because I had kids show in the morning, yeah, and they were like you must have been going really fast. And I was like, no, no, I literally stood on it with one foot and my other hand I held the middle of the bar because it was at the same time it was quite late at night and it was early in Ireland. So I rang my mum to check in on her and see how she was. So I had my mum on my ear and I was like oh yeah, I could, I could ride with one hand. Yeah, I'm an adult, I do circus, I do big stunts, I can do unicycles, I could do yeah, people who don't know, you do like extremely.
Speaker 2:Your street show is one of the most dangerous yeah yeah, there is I like talking about, I specialize in like balance stuff. It's like my main skill set.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you do like you know, uh, flaming torches and machetes on a roller bowler, on a platform in the street, on cobblestones. Yeah, you, you are a balance master. This is. This has got to be a huge proportion of your actual act.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it was. I was more than confident that.
Speaker 2:I could go forward in a straight line. So I held the middle, I pushed once and then the next thing, I was like, oh, I'm on the ground and my mum. I had the phone. Mum was like is everything ok? And I was like, yeah, no, I just dropped my phone, I'll call you back. So I hung up my mum and I was like is everything okay? And I was like, yeah, no, I just dropped my phone, I'll call you back. So I hung up my mom and I was like, oh, is it weird? And I put my hand down and as I went to like put my hand up, I slipped in. What I then found out was blood. Oh, yeah, my face a second time. And then I was lying and I have this weird thing.
Speaker 2:So anytime I've broken a bone or had a serious injury, I always get this overwhelming sense of calm. Oh, and I get like really relaxed. And then my tummy feels I'm trying to think of a more adult way of saying my tummy feels a little funny. Yeah, I have a little funny feeling in my tummy and I was like, oh, oh, I think I've, I think I've hurt myself. So I picked my phone and I was like lying on the ground and I went into shock. So I phoned the ambulance, yep, and I ring them. They were like where are you? And I'm like I'm on the ground and I was like where are you? And it's like I'm in Adelaide, there's trees near me and they were like you're not helping at all here. Yeah, I'm not sure where it was that you. It was like in the in the park near the trees near where the a pond was.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was like my description and they were like you're, not I think I know this spot, yeah, now, yeah.
Speaker 2:And they were like oh, we'll, we'll stay on the phone with you, we're going to send someone out and he's like awesome, I'll just lie here, yeah. And then started trying to make small talk because I didn't know what else to do. So I'm just like how's? How are guys getting on? And then I think she thought it must have been a prank call, because you're like what have you done? I've fallen and I can't get up. You sound like a young man. You don't sound like an elderly gentleman who's fallen over.
Speaker 1:Are you injured? You're quite spry.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I was like I think I'm injured. My tummy feels funny.
Speaker 1:So yeah, and it's like I think I'm injured. I'm pretty, my tummy feels funny, so I think I'm injured. So it just sounded fake. Yeah, oh, my God, well it would. They're not used to somebody of your caliber having a conversation, jesus.
Speaker 2:Christ. And then eventually, when the ambulance did arrive, they helped me up and got me in the ambulance and they actually I've got loads of photos on my phone because that was when I first seen my face. My face was all blood and loads of my teeth were broke, yeah, but they ended up they strapped one of my arms down because I kept taking selfies. I'm trying to take like what I was classing as cute selfies, yeah, or I kept like doing a little bite in my fingers and like doing a little over the shoulder numbers, so they strapped one of my arms down to stop me doing it. So then I started trying to get my phone with my other arm. So they took the phone off me and then I asked they because, I think again, they just thought I was, they thought I was drunk or right, something was up, yeah, because then I also asked one of the. So there was a male and female ambulance, ambulance person yeah and I just asked the woman who was working.
Speaker 2:I was like, look, be honest with me, I've clearly landed my face. This is an injury. But if I looked like this and I was at one side of the bar and I ordered a drink for you and like, winked, would you accept it? And she was like, no, I'm actually. I have a female partner. And I was like, oh, this is more important. Do I still look good enough that you would go? No, maybe I do, like cock. So that just made it worse. Where they were like this guy's fine, this guy's completely fine. He's maybe chipped a tooth, but there's nothing wrong with him. Oh boy, yep. And then they took. So eventually they got me into the hospital anyway.
Speaker 1:But all of the main stuff would have been under your beard. Yeah, because a beard was bigger. For those of you that are just listening, Logie has one of the most impressive and fabulous beards in all of Christendom. Yeah, it's long, it's girthy and it's separated. Yeah, in order to make other people not feel jealous, it's been separated into childlike baubles.
Speaker 2:I've went for more anal beads, but oh yeah, of course or I'm just imagining the textural experience of that. Yeah, I think the visual description of my beard is yeah, hairy anal beads hanging from my chin that reach, reach, my belt buckle, but they're not. They're not enough to reach around the back, but they're getting there yeah, well, I mean it was.
Speaker 1:it's pretty much like where it was before I think it's.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I only know this because I measured it a while ago. I think it's two inches off the length it was prior, wow.
Speaker 1:Wow, wowie zowie, but Jeez.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it was one of, you know, your greatest features what people would recognize.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you were kind of people would recognize.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you're big. For anyway, like you used it in the show yeah, you, the beard was part of the show you would use it to do like whip cracks and stuff like that so this is a fairly integral part of the logy experience yeah, and it was the sort of it was the thing that people recognized straight away.
Speaker 2:So they're like, yeah, they know it. So the beard covered up most of the injuries, yeah, and then when I got so eventually, when I got into the hospital and they took me for the x-rays, they came back and they were like, oh, you've got um. They're like, oh, you've broken, broken your jaw. And I was like all right, sweet, it seems. It seems all right.
Speaker 2:And they're like you know, you've broke your jaw in three places and I was like oh, it's three breaks and they're like no, no, it's on one side. It was broken so badly. It was like broken like four different parts. One, the middle part, was cracked in half, essentially, yeah, and the bit up beside my ear was so badly broken that they were like we just have to remove the bones yeah but at the time I was like they were like oh, you're gonna have to shave your beard, everything's gonna get, it's gonna be a massive operation.
Speaker 2:And I was so convinced that it was fine that I got. They came into the examination, then they left. Then I got up because they gave me a razor and they were like or electric thing? They were like we don't want to shave it, we want you to get to shave your own beard. We feel bad doing it for you. So my instinct was okay, I'll leave the razor here. I'm gonna go to a vending machine, I'm gonna buy some chocolate and prove to them my jaw is fine by eating it in front of them.
Speaker 1:So it's like walking down the road Knowing what I know now. That is insane. Your shock response is amazing. It's genuinely ridiculous.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it happens so often. It's scary Jeez Louise.
Speaker 1:Okay, so next? This is right, I cannot. Louise. Okay, so next, this is right. I cannot believe. Yeah, I don't want to interrupt you at all. Keep going, it's beautiful.
Speaker 2:So I end up. One of the nurses find me trying to buy chocolate One of the ones that just told you to shave your beard.
Speaker 1:There's going to be an expensive operation. What are you doing in a gown in front of the fucking venue? Where's your money At this stage?
Speaker 2:Did you have money on you. I had a handful of cash From doing street shows.
Speaker 1:That's what I mean. That's right, because they pick up your backpack and you yeah, you do street show stuff with you. Yeah Right, I read, this is important for later on. Yeah, yeah, we're going to set the tone, okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, important for later on, yeah yeah, we're gonna set the tone, okay. Yeah, oh fuck. Yes, I remember, but then so yeah. So they eventually caught me and took. So they took me away and they stood and guarded the outside of the bathroom. I had to, like, shave my beard, oh my god, I didn't know this.
Speaker 1:Oh fuck, so I did?
Speaker 2:I did set up a camera and filmed shaving my beard off. Oh. And when I shaved it off, the moment I took it off, the realization hit. It was like, oh, my face is not the right shape at all. Yeah. And that's when I realized I fucked up. Yeah, my face resembled a little bit. Have you ever seen the Goonies? Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2:You mean Sloth? Yeah, it had that kind of shape to my face, oh wow, oh, because it was swollen up. Yeah, it was crazy, all wrong. And then I was baby rude, yeah, oh, wow. But then I came. So once I came back and I was in and a couple people came in to see me and check in on me and then one of the doctors came in and were like you're, you're in luck. In a weird way it was like am I? There's nothing going well here. But they were like no, we found out that actually the top facial reconstructive surgery surgeons in australia and america are coming over to adelaide for a talk tomorrow and they've seen, we've sent your stuff to them and they want to do your operation. You just have to, like, you just have to wait. I think it was like 12 or 14 hours. So they just end up just morphing giving me tons of painkillers, tons of stuff. I don't really remember the gap between it.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, this the painkillers came in in a major way. Yeah, over the next month, yeah and then I ended up.
Speaker 2:So I just then went to it, went into surgery and I remember, because I distinctly remember seeing the clock before I went in and it was eight o'clock. And I remember because I distinctly remember seeing the clock before I went in and it was eight o'clock and I went in the operation and when I came out I seen another clock and it was something past nine or something past ten. It was like I had at my head it was only like an hour or two hours, but turned out 13 hours, 13 hour operation, wow.
Speaker 2:And so I've got a metal plate that runs all the way down one side of my face. I've got bits of my jaw missing in the other side. And I'm also deaf in one ear. They told me that the bones had broken in a way that has damaged my ear canal.
Speaker 1:So the hammer and stirrup setup is not going to work.
Speaker 2:They were saying it was like the eardrum was destroyed and stuff, and I was like okay. So after that I was in the hospital and then they were saying it was like okay, the only thing we need to sort out now because they were trying to get all the operation done as soon as, because these guys came across, they kind of pushed things.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, to make it happen, they did it for a big old facial reconstructive conference.
Speaker 2:But then they gave me the. They were like oh yeah, so we just need to try and get all your IDs and stuff, because the bill for this was, I think, I think, in pounds sterling. It was like maybe 120,000 in sterling. And they were like do you have travel insurance? And I did, but I had the shittest travel insurance, like it didn't cover any of that stuff, fuck me. So they were like but we don't. The only things they had was half a dozen people have come in to see me and everyone gave a different name.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:To describe me like no one knew my full legal name.
Speaker 1:That's right. Yeah, everybody knows you, but old like streety names of various different. Yeah, of course.
Speaker 2:And I was like talking to one of the. I remember talking to one of the he's a ghost the nurses, nurses. So the male nurse came in, I was talking to him and I was like, look, what, what's the crack with if I just got up and left, like if I just left the hospital, now what, what are the repercussions? And they were like, yeah, we, like we can't really do much. The only information we have about you is your home address, which is the airbnb fix yeah, there was the airbnb.
Speaker 2:We were saying it yeah, um, the other thing was we've got your mobile number and we've got like a bunch of different names, your mobile number, which is the just the australian number you're using while you're in adelaide.
Speaker 1:Right, well, it was me, it was an actual number, okay.
Speaker 2:But he went away and he came back about 10 minutes later and he was like oh, um, the, actually the last two digits for your number have went missing. And I was like, oh, you legend, you fuck, this is amazing. So I was just like in my head I actually I was kind of welling up a little bit, my eyes were watering because I was just in my head, it was. I took the drip out of my arm, I took, I tried to take the catheter out of myself, but I couldn't get it out. You have to, you have to do a thing to let it release.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's got the bubble in it, yeah, so.
Speaker 2:I figured that out. It took me longer than I'd like to admit, like pulling on my junk and trying to figure out how to get it out. So I eventually got the catheter out and I was like welling up a little bit, partly because of the dick pain and also because of the, it's like started trying to get dressed and then one of the doctors came in and was like, what are you doing? And I was like, oh, I'm going out for a smoke, is that? And then he turned around and he was like all right, you're in luck. Your auntie and uncle, who live in Australia, they've arrived, they've got your bag and stuff and they've got your passport, so we're able to get all your details and your bag and stuff and we've got your, they've got your passport, so we're able to get all your details.
Speaker 2:And that moment I was like, oh fuck, this is it. I'm just you snooker, I'm never going to pay this. Yeah. And then he said you're in luck because I traveled on my. So because northern ireland is part of um, the uk, right? So my northern irish passport is classed as a british passport. Then my, I also have a ir passport, which is EU. Yeah, because I traveled on the British passport. They were like you're under the Commonwealth, everything's covered. Oh, nhs covered all of it.
Speaker 1:Oh, oh, my God Fabulous.
Speaker 2:That point is when I just Jeez. That was the point when the first time I cried, I just started crying. I was like this is amazing, can I stay an extra night? Wow, they were like what. I was like yeah, can I stay one more night in the hospital? And you put the catheter back in.
Speaker 1:You were so happy.
Speaker 2:They did look at it and they were like what the fuck have you done? In my head it was like right, either I have a bit of catheter left in me or I stay here and pay $120,000.
Speaker 1:I live my life with a bubble stuck at the end of my urethra.
Speaker 2:You can buy a new dick for like 50 grand.
Speaker 1:That's only a quarter of what they were asking for. Fuck me. So. Was it your real auntie and uncle or was it one of the showbo's? Was it a pair of showbo's pretending to be your family? No, it was real auntie and uncle, or was it one of the showboats? Was it a pair of showboats pretending?
Speaker 2:to be your family. No, it was real auntie and uncle. Oh, okay, yeah, my uncle moved over to Australia, maybe like 18 years ago.
Speaker 1:Oh, I didn't know that. Okay, yeah, because there was behind the scenes while you were in hospital, right, and I mean it was surreal, what was going on Like. First off, there was like has anyone seen Logie? Has anyone seen Logie? What, I don't know? Is he okay? Where is he? And then Wolfie Luth was like because she's so well-organized.
Speaker 2:This is another friend.
Speaker 1:She's a street performer yeah, gets around, she knows what she's doing. She was, yeah, spreading the word, and then I got that. I got a message from you that was just a photograph. This is the confirmation that I received to know that Logan had indeed. All of these crazy rumors that something was actually happening was that I got a photograph from you of a sink.
Speaker 2:It was just a sink with your beard in it.
Speaker 1:It was just like as soon as I saw that, I'm like oh, this is serious. Okay, we ain't fucking around. This is some serious business From then on. I mean, I don't know how much of that is a blur, but yeah, you were, because now we had a maid. Oh yeah, were. But yeah, you were, because now we had a maid, oh yeah, yes, it was fantastic, was so very lucky that we had a maid that could I didn't hear about any of this two hundred thousand dollars oh yeah fuck, and I also.
Speaker 1:This whole time I thought it was an electric scooter.
Speaker 2:It really it was actually one of those it was like a normal one, of those those ankle rashers. Yeah, because I also remember the weirdest thing. It was Abby. Abby came and picked me up from the hospital, yeah, and brought me back. But the weirdest part of the whole thing was when I went into hospital there was talk of COVID, but while I was in the hospital. I think I was in for. It might have been maybe eight days, maybe less, maybe more, I can't remember. This was a very.
Speaker 1:this was one of the weirdest times ever, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because then I got, I got picked up and as we were driving down the road, I remember looking out the window and asking is it a bank holiday or something? Because all the shops were closed and they were like oh no, no, everything shut down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, something, because all the shops were closed and they were like, oh no, no, ever everything shut down. Yeah, it's like, yeah, shows have been, loads of shows have been cancelled. It was amazing we had that was the really weird part. When adelaide fringe started that year, it was all business as usual and then it was about a weekend, people started to say, oh hey, there's this covid thing, and you know, we're in fringe land, like the real world doesn't exist. When you're doing a fringe it's like, yeah, the real world does their thing and we're doing our thing. But yeah, there was. You know folks would come around and go, oh hey, wash your hands a whole bunch.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:What.
Speaker 2:I wash my hands.
Speaker 1:What are you suggesting? What you think I'm filthy? Yeah, I'm gonna wash my hands sure, and they're like no, no, you don't know this is gonna be serious, like, but then we just, the crowds just disappeared.
Speaker 2:We had sellout shows and nobody came yeah, it was nuts because even actually off. I just remember the one of the weirdest shows because then I think it was like a couple of days after I got out, they had First Acrobats Right, tom and Cal yes, they put on a charity gig cabaret Right, to raise money for my teeth yeah, to get new teeth and stuff, yeah. But I remember being there and it was the weirdest thing because my face was all swollen, my beard was gone and the amount of times I was sitting near people. My favorite was aj, who was is one of the guys with the head first acrobat, so he broke his ankle at the time and he was sitting. Yes, I remember this. There was a point where I was sitting with them at the back of the the tent, yeah, and I loved people would like push me out of the way to talk to aj and ask them how I was getting on. Nobody recognized me. No, yeah, everyone was like I.
Speaker 1:It was such a weird thing like you're not gonna want to be out and about amongst a bunch of people with your face all fucking like, hey, we're gonna do a great big thing for logan because his face is so fucked. Hey, why did you come along? Bring your fucked fucked face, it'll be awesome.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it was genuinely lovely that they were doing it, but I remember just sitting in the back being like this is weird. I don't. This is weird. They're talking about me like I died, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And the woman who was hosting it as well, just never mentioned what it was actually for. So loads of people thought I was dead. Yeah, is that real? Because people who didn't know me or know anything about me were just like, oh shit, I've heard this guy's died.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I kind of knew him, he was nice, he was a really nice guy. Yeah, I'll throw a couple of bucks. Wow, they really should have made that clear Head first. Guys, we do love you.
Speaker 2:We do love you. We do love you, but, man, the devil's in the details, guys, don't let people think that people are dead. To be fair, I don't think it was them, I think it was the. The woman who was hosting just oh yeah, never, never, mentioned a lot of stuff. So loads of people were just like, oh sweet, there's a free show and you just give a bit of money towards this dead guy, the giant picture of you with the floral wreath around it didn't really help yeah.
Speaker 1:That really mixed signals, for that, I mean, without putting too fine of a point on it. I do remember when you came out of that, because you're a very handsome man, you're quite a well-constructed young man, you've got a beautiful, handsome face. And then all of a sudden you were, yeah, like one of the Goonies production design drawings and your teeth were fucked. Like one of the Goonies production design drawings and your teeth were fucked. Oh my God, they were so. Oh my God.
Speaker 2:I think one of the two horrible things about the after thing as well was so. My jaw was all wired shut.
Speaker 1:I couldn't eat properly. Yes, I totally did it.
Speaker 2:And the other thing was because it was deaf in one ear because, as far as I knew, it was like my eardrum had just been destroyed and stuff it. Drum had just been destroyed and stuff it wasn't coming back, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I didn't. I had no high hopes for it. And then my inner ear was really badly scarred up. Oh right, because they removed my ear from my head and when they stitched my ear back on they didn't know what to do with the bottom part, because we've got my ear stretched. Oh yeah, so the bottom part of my ear is stitched ever so slightly off and my ear sits a little bit weird now.
Speaker 1:That annoys me, but nobody else recognizes it or sees it, but they put it back on wrong Just ever so slightly wrong, but I end up as well.
Speaker 2:It was like so my ear kept getting full of gunk, yeah, and I just did. At that point I was like I just I don't really care that much about it now, there's nothing I could do.
Speaker 2:So I just got a pair of needle nose pliers and kept just pulling stuff out of my ear. And then there was a point when I went to pull something out and there was like a little rustle and I was like, oh shit, I started pulling a bit more and I pulled out a tiny, tiny bit of bone that was resting against my eardrum and I couldn't feel it because it was all numb. But I got talking back in my ear. They were like in all the scans and stuff they were like, yeah, the damaged jawbone has went up in and it's, it's carved it up and you managed to grab it from wait from in your ear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just, I ended up because I also I've never heard this bit. This is amazing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I ended up. I essentially did surgery on my head, and then I also, because I couldn't, because the hospitals were shut down whenever I went to get my jaw unwired, I couldn't do it. Oh, yes, so I went to Bunnings and just bought all the clippers, that's right yeah, so I just unwired my jaw but did such a shit job? Oh, I bet, because I got nearly all of it out, apart from two bits of wire that were through my gum that I couldn't get out, so I just clipped them short.
Speaker 1:This is like for people that don't know, having your jaw wired shut. It's not all just on the outside, it's not just like some sort of weird cage you had like wires in your gums and yeah yeah it's oh man, it's brutality and I was just pulling.
Speaker 2:I was lucky because I have loads of nerve damage, so a lot of it was just. It was weird feelings, but it didn't hurt yeah, just like pulling out, yeah, wow yeah, because I also enjoyed when I eventually because I couldn't go to the hospitals in Australia after that because of COVID and stuff they were like unless it's an emergency, you're not allowed in.
Speaker 2:And it took ages for me to eventually get back to Ireland. And when I got back to Ireland I had to go to one of the hospitals and I was like I need there's wires in my jaw that need to get taken out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and they were like no, there wouldn't be. And I was like no, there is.
Speaker 2:And they were like, no, if they were undoing it they'd have done it right. And you're like, well, apparently they didn't. So I had to get this doctor's finger and put it into a mouth and like run this finger around my mouth to like touch the bits, and he was like, oh yeah, it's really badly done. He was like you know, those Australian doctors just don't know what they're at sometimes you just throw the doctors under the bus.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, you that was. You were very sad panda. That was a very yeah we. We were all like, okay, all hands on deck, we gotta look after logy here. I remember I have a vague memory of our maid like taking a steak and a cheeseburger, yeah, and putting it in a blender because he could only eat through a straw. Right, you were just eating through a straw and you were like, I mean, yeah, you couldn't go out and do shows and you couldn't really talk, and those are two things you're phenomenally good at. You were just kind of stuck not doing things and yet being in this little room healing with a face that was far less handsome than that to which you are accustomed, yeah. And so we were like, okay, we're going to cheer this guy up with a steak. I think you requested a steak and a cheeseburger.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think so. You could only have liquids.
Speaker 1:Yep, so we got a blender and we're blending up steaks and cheeseburgers so that you could have yourself something cheery.
Speaker 2:I also remember blending up a bunch of it was like a Bailey's ripoff, and then blending in a bunch of Kinder Buenos, yeah, and making, like these, just alcoholic milkshakes. Yes, oh my gosh, because it was the only way you could get any kind of satisfaction was some kind of flavors. Yeah, and they needed to be strong flavors.
Speaker 1:Very.
Speaker 2:Just keep putting different alcohols into everything.
Speaker 1:Man, that is a phenomenally dangerous thing we were doing. Yeah, because the amount of painkillers and like weird, they were giving you all sorts of crazy pills. They were like, give him all of these. Oh yeah, that's right, he has to take all of these because they're crazy big painkillers. And then, uh, when he takes these he's gonna be really sad. So take this other pill, this will make him less sad, uh, but then you know, he's gonna be really, really thirsty when he takes all these.
Speaker 2:So make sure he has a lot of water I also just remembered that we ended up, before leaving Adelaide, having kind of a house party, and then I Was that the orgy Kind no, was that.
Speaker 1:There was.
Speaker 2:No, it was, but I wasn't part of it. I wasn't part of it.
Speaker 1:I was doing a show. I just came back to the house and there were all these people there that had just showed up and had an orgy at the house.
Speaker 2:I remember that because I remember it was like happening. It was happening in your room.
Speaker 1:It was a massive orgy happening in your room without me. I was just sitting in the living room just being like, hey guys.
Speaker 2:I can't really do much. Can I have some juice?
Speaker 1:can you get me the juice pack if I'm over there? Nice tits.
Speaker 2:It's mainly because I remember staying up and like intermittently passing in and out of sleep, yeah, and then getting to the airport with all my gear and having to phone you to say that my passport yes, oh God, I remember that, fuck.
Speaker 1:Passport yes, oh God, I remember that Fuck. Just being in the house with Amy and getting a phone call and going like he's left his passport here, we can do this. The fact that it was happening at the same time as COVID dropped, it's just utterly bonkers. Good times, that was great times. Hey. Yeah, we've been through some stuff. Well, we have got to release you back into the wild. It's time for you. Who else is going to inseminate all of these attractive people, if not you? Someone has to do it. Yeah, and I tell you what. You've taken that bullet for us and I appreciate it. You're doing God's work. Logie Logan.
Speaker 1:Someone has to Thank you very much for your sacrifice and the submarine full of your semen. Thank you, it's been a pleasure. Folks, if you don't like Logie, you can get the fuck out. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you. Clearly you've got some sort of injury to your brain. Tune in next time where I'll be. Good night, don't you know? We all cheer for Magnus Danger Z.
