Boundaries: The Courage to Come Home to You

Building on last week’s conversation about empaths and emotional hypervigilance, this episode explores what happens when we overgive, overfunction, and lose ourselves in the needs of others. Elysabeth unpacks the “martyr loop,” why guilt shows up when we try to prioritize ourselves, and how setting just 30 minutes aside each day can radically shift your energy, self-worth, and identity.

✨ You’ll hear:

 Why compassion needs boundaries to exist

 How to stop micromanaging everyone else’s emotions

 What happens when your life is ruled by guilt, not guidance

 Practical ways to claim 30 minutes of daily sacred time

 A truth you can start saying today: “I always find time for me.”

 🎯 Plus, don’t miss the accompanying EFT tapping session on YouTube:

👉 “Releasing the Guilt of Taking Time for Me”

📺 Lizzie’s Insights Coaching on YouTube

Transcript

Speaker 0:11

Welcome to the Fury Elephant Effect, a space for realignment self responsibility, and the kind of clarity that changes everything. I'm Elyasbeth wolter Life Coach, EFT Tapping Specialist and the author of the Fury Elephant Effect, and a Guide for People Ready to Stop Shrinking and Start Living From Truth. In this podcast, we explore emotional resilience, shifting the stories that no longer serve us living with more energy, not less as we grow. We have fantastic guests on the podcast that come along and share their fury, elephant effects, and when you get to choose your next chapter on your own terms. I speak from experience, not theory, and what I share has helped hundreds of others reclaim their power and return to themselves. You won't find fluff or false promises, just real conversations. Grounded truth and honest encouragement, you matter because everything starts and ends with you. Let's begin. Welcome to the Fairy Elephant Effect, a space for realignment self responsibility, and the kind of clarity that changes everything. I'm Elyasbeth wolter Life Coach, EFT Tapping Specialist and the author of the Fury Elephant Effect, and a Guide for People Ready to Stop Shrinking and Start Living From Truth. In this podcast, we explore emotional resilience, shifting the stories that no longer serve us living with more energy, not less as we grow. We have fantastic guests on the podcast that come along and share their fury, elephant effects, and when you get to choose your next chapter on your own terms. I speak from experience, not theory, and what I share has helped hundreds of others reclaim their power and return to themselves. You won't find fluff or false promises, just real conversations. Grounded truth and honest encouragement, you matter because everything starts and ends with you. Let's begin.

Speaker 2 3:24

Hello and welcome back to the Fairy Elephant Effect Podcast for this week. This week. Our title is about boundaries, the courage to Come home to Yourself. And it is available on Spotify, apple Podcasts, and all major streaming, streaming platforms, not streaming. Streaming. And there will also be an accompanying. Tapping video, which is titled the of Giving to Yourself, which will be on the Lizzie's Insights Coaching YouTube channel. So check that out. You will find the podcast on the channel as well. So last week we explored the idea of being an impact, how sometimes what we call empathy is actually a lifelong time of emotional hyper vigilance. The ability to know where you end and other begins is quite often very muddled. So this draining or consuming pattern of people pleasing is disguised as sensitivity. This week we only go a bit deeper and let's talk about boundaries. Because true compassion, the grounded heart lead kind cannot exist without boundaries. You cannot truly give to others when you are constantly abandoning yourself. So boundaries are how we stop bound abandoning us. We are important. You matter. It all starts and ends with you. I've walked that path earlier on in my life and I've coached so many others who have too. We anticipate we over function. We quietly hope someone will notice, appreciate, or finally reciprocate. Whew, that's a big one. That feels quite heavy in our bodies that used to mine. How does it for you? But here's the truth. When you do everything for others, you leave nothing for yourself, and that is not mobility. That is neglect. We often convince ourselves that it is love. Doing it is all what a good person would do, A good partner, a good parent would do, but it is not love. It is martyrdom. It is dis a disguised form of control. Now, we're not gonna go too deeply, but control comes from not trusting that things are gonna work out for you, and we may talk about that next week. We will see. It leaves you if you that martyrdom, it leaves you feeling resented, depleted, and emotionally starving because you're never, ever getting your knees met. The danger of no boundaries. Also, when we do everything for others, we rob them of their own growth. We unintentionally disempower them. We become a bridge with holes. One that doesn't truly support anyone, especially not ourselves. We take on the weight of their lives and then when things go wrong, we become the scapegoat. Have you felt that? Have you had that backlash because you've done too much for somebody else and they haven't taken self responsibility and they are also. Letting you become the person that they can blame. We gave too much and they didn't step up. And now we feel unseen, unappreciated, and used. But there's something I want you to hear clearly. Boundaries don't push people away. Boundaries are the doors. When you have the right boundaries in your lives, they allow in what nourishes you and shuts out what depletes you. Boundaries break the addiction to negative emotion. I know that seems counterintuitive, but it's actually the truth. It is totally the truth of what's happening. Boundaries give us a space to meet ourselves again. And if you've ever been seen that you're helping, fixing, rescuing, or performing them, being still quiet or simply being you may feel very uncomfortable. But it gives us the opportunity to start hearing our own voice, to recognize that inside beneath all the noise and neediness is someone. Truly worth knowing. So how's this landing for you? Can you hear some of the stuff that you were doing in this? Are you doing that for you? Are you feeling that this is something that you have done many times, but when you start coming back to you. You actually learn quite quickly if you're invested in this, and I would love you to be invested in coming back to you. You don't need to earn your worth by being useful. You don't need to be anything to anyone to be loved. That's a big one, isn't it? You don't need to be needed to belong. You get to say, I matter, and I always find time for me. How many of us say I'm too busy? I haven't got time. I don't get a moment's peace. Our, the what we are saying, the first person who's listening is us. If you start saying, and it might, you might need to start 20 times a day or 200 times a day, I always find time for me because that will become a new choice for you. Your mind will go away and find evidence of that you can change. If you cannot do anything else from this podcast, I am encouraging you absolutely desperately to say to yourself, I'll always find time for me because you have such value and you just don't know it yet. I want you to feel it. I want you to connect to it. Always find time for me. Say it 20 times, 200 times until it becomes your truth, everybody.'cause then you will find some time for you. And so let's replace those old things you say with these new truths. Here are some practical examples. 30 minutes for you. Let's ground this into action. Boundaries Start small because it's the small things that add up to the big things. It's never just one big thing happens. You don't need a runaway to Bali. You need 30 minutes a day where you are the priority. Here are some real life ways to start creating that. Sit outside with your coffee in a notebook. No phone. Jot down the thoughts that are in your head. Don't anchor into them. Just jot them down, and then let them just float off. It's a great way to see what your monkey mind is saying. Take a 30 minute walk with music that lops you. Lie on your bed, do nothing. Just breathe. Just lie there. Be still do 30 minutes old, creative, something, creative. Painting, writing, moving, gardening. Gardening's really good, but no phones. Detect yourself from your phone. On your phone, you can turn on and say, I'm not available right now. 30 minutes of that in a day could be very powerful. Some people meditate. Now there's lots of ways to meditate, guide meditations you can do. Just sitting there and just tune into a thought, a good thought, and just repeat that for 30 minutes. 30 minutes might seem a bit long, so maybe you can mix it up and do five minutes of meditation. You could do 15 minutes walk. You could do 10 minutes sitting outside with your notebook. Those 30 minutes have value to you. Use them. Have a guilt free bath in silence, or with calming music. Read a book that fills your cup instead of drains it. Tell your family, friends yourself from seven 30 to eight 8:00 PM whether it's morning or the evening, I'm not available. Do something for you. Here's what might happen. You might feel guilty. That's okay because you are separating yourself from all the things that you do for other people, and you are shifting into being, which is perfect, but that's okay. As I said, the tapping is going to be the guilt you've given to yourself, and we're gonna release that guilt. You can rewrite the lie that you have to give, that you are not allowed any time for yourself because you are not here to be anybody else's power source. You are here to be your own power. So in that journal, here's a couple of reflection questions you could ask yourself. One or two. We are in my life, am I giving out energy but not receiving anything in return. That's quite often a good question. What can't of me feel scared to say no? Is it a color? Is it a feeling? Is it a pain? Is it a person you're scared of? What do you think would happen if you said no? Here's another question. What emotions do I unconsciously feed by staying in cycles of Overgive? What emotional fix or charge that are you getting when you overgive? How about when was the last time I truly listened to myself? What boundary can I create today that would honor my energy? That's a really productive question. And here's the last one. What would my life feel like if I repeated daily? I'd always find time for me. What space would open up? How would I be in me? So just to close off for today, boundaries are how we come home back to our own body, back to our own wisdom, back to our own joy. Not everybody will like your boundaries at the beginning, but the right people will respect you, and most importantly, you'll begin to respect yourself. You matter. It all starts and ends with you. Thank you very much for joining me again in the Fairy Elephant Effect. I look forward to your responses. Have a fabulous week.