Why High-Achieving Women Lose Themselves: The 4-Part System to Let Go & Get Ahead with Ginny Priem

EP 47. You have the career, the title, and the life — but inside, you're falling apart. In this episode, I sit down with bestselling author, keynote speaker, and master certified coach Ginny Priem, who knows this story intimately because she lived it. After 20+ years in corporate leadership while surviving narcissistic abuse, Ginny rebuilt her life and turned her hardest season into her life's work. We get into the patterns that keep so many high-achieving women stuck — burnout, people-pleasing, self-abandonment, and toxic relationships — and she walks us through her signature 4-part UNSUBSCRIBE™ framework for reclaiming your time, energy, boundaries, and sense of self. If you've ever felt like you're doing everything "right" while running on empty, this one is for you.

In this episode:

• The hidden signs of burnout and chronic stress in high-achieving women
• Why people pleasing, perfectionism, and over-explaining can lead to self-abandonment 
• How to recognize when your body is signaling that something is off 
• A powerful mindset shift around boundaries, burnout, and changing your mind 
• Ginny’s 4-part UNSUBSCRIBE™ framework and how it helps women let go with intention 
• What narcissistic abuse can look like and why empathetic, successful women can be vulnerable to it 
• How to rebuild self-trust and strengthen your intuition 

Resources:

• Ginny Priem website
• Ginny's Book: Unsubscribe
• Follow Ginny Priem on YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook

Guest Bio

Ginny Priem is a keynote speaker, TEDx presenter, and bestselling author focused on leadership, emotional intelligence, and sustainable success. With over 20 years in corporate leadership, she helps high-achievers move forward with clarity and intention through her signature UNSUBSCRIBE™ framework. Her podcast, UNSUBSCRIBE with Ginny Priem, has garnered more than 3 million YouTube views. She is the author of the #1 bestselling guided journal, I'm My Favorite, and the memoir You're My Favorite (A True Story), with her new book UNSUBSCRIBE: Why Letting Go Is the Secret to Getting Ahead set to expand her work. Learn more at ginnypriem.com

Transcript

Ginny Priem 0:00

just something that I've come to for myself. I would be willing to lose anybody as long as I don't lose myself again. This is well done. A space where we explore the mind skin connection, living in alignment, and what it actually means to live well and look your best. I am your host Kat, a beauty industry insider, mom of twins, and someone who suffered from severe eczema before realizing that true beauty is an inside job. We don't talk about surface level quick fixes here. This is about real insight, practical tools, and learning how to listen to your body. Let's go.

Kat 0:29

Hi and welcome back to Well Done. I'm your host Kat, and I wanna kick things off by asking you to imagine someone, a woman who has the career, the resume, a life that looks completely together from the outside, but yet on the inside something is off. And maybe that's someone is you. Maybe it was you,'cause it was certainly me. And today's guest is someone who knows this situation intimately because this was also her. Ginny Priem is a number one bestselling author, master certified coach, keynote speaker, host of the top podcast Unsubscribe. And her work is built around helping high achieving women. Let go of what's draining them so they can actually start living. Ginny, welcome to the show.

Ginny Priem 1:07

Thank you so much for having me. I'm thrilled to be here.

Kat 1:10

So Ginny, let's set the stage for everybody. Because you spent 20 plus years in corporate, your career was thriving by all means and external measures. Your life looked great. You were achieving all the things that you had set out to achieve, but what was happening at that time with you on the inside? Take us back to that version of yourself.

Ginny Priem 1:29

So I had the big fancy job, the big corporate job, and um, you know, I was traveling a lot for work and like you said, from the outside, every measure of what I. Used to define success by all those boxes were being ticked. But at the same time, I was in a psychologically, emotionally, financially abusive relationship and I was trying to be everything to everybody. And I was, you know, he had two kids, they lived here and I was, you know, doing the job, paying the mortgage, paying the bills, making sure the house was clean, doing the grocery shopping, doing the cooking, making sure the lawn was mowed or just. Snow was plowed and, you know, doing school drop off and pick up and like really just abandoning myself to be, you know, the good partner, the, the good employee, the good friend. And that's kind of when everything started to unravel.

Kat 2:23

Was there a moment where you just exploded and had a breakdown? Or how did that, how did you discover that you needed something different?

Ginny Priem 2:32

So it really stemmed from the day I found out that my partner was living a double life. You know, that's really when everything started to change, but what I'll tell you is I think sometimes, especially as. High achieving women, we sometimes can ignore the signs that are right under our nose. Right? So for me, I think my body was telling me and not even telling me it was screaming at me that something was wrong. But I had. Pre-cancerous skin can, I had pre-cancerous skin lesions. I always get tripped up on that. Removed my hair broke off and fell out. And then at the peak of everything, I got shingles on my face in my thirties.

Kat 3:12

Oh my goodness. And so then you were like, my body's telling me something is wrong. I need to look into this. But at first you think it's just a physical issue. You're like, oh, it's just, you know, maybe it's my health, but really there's, chronic stress underneath that's causing it.

Ginny Priem 3:26

Absolutely. And when I went to see the doctor for the shingles, I didn't know what it was and it had been perpetuating and just getting worse. It was right above my eye. The problem is, is with that type of shingles, when it's on your face and following kind of the you know, the ocular bone, it can actually cause you to go blind. So she was very. Relieved that she was able to get me in so quickly and address it, diagnose it, and get treated. But even at that point, I still kind of ignored the signs she asked me. She goes. Have you been under an extreme amount of stress? And I was like, no, we just got back from a trip to Italy. Like, no, I, I don't think so, but I actually was, in hindsight, which is always 2020 I realized a lot of the things that were going on that were actually causing the stress and it was mainly, you know, the relationship, but then also trying to maintain everything else.

Kat 4:17

And so then after that, what were the steps that you took to, free yourself, or at least to start, you know, addressing the, the symptoms and the stress?

Ginny Priem 4:26

So it wasn't actually for a while after that. It, it was about a month after that when I learned about. My partner and him kind of living this complete double life in, every way imaginable. And it was after we split up that I, you know, started to go down this healing journey of myself or for myself, and really discovered a lot of. The patterns the people pleasing the perfectionism, like where all of that stemmed from for me. So I had to do a lot of deep inner work, but kind of why I developed unsubscribe and, and the, the pillars and this filter that I use now today is because I wish it something that I had back then.

Kat 5:06

Yeah. Tell us about the framework, what it is it that you discovered that, you know, a lot of high achieving women have as patterns?

Ginny Priem 5:13

Well, a couple that I already mentioned, right? Perfectionism people pleasing, overexplaining seeking external validation and approval. I think those are a lot of things that, you know, we. Especially'cause we start to lose ourselves. And I think a lot of women too start to lose themselves in titles. Whether it's mom or a title at work or a wife. And then I see this happen over and over when the kids grow up and they leave the house. Then they're like, oh my gosh. Well I've been putting my kids first and then my spouse second. And then where am I even. On that list. So the whole idea of unsubscribe is why letting go is the secret to getting ahead. I call it a filter to reclaim time, energy, and boundaries at work and in life. The whole concept is it's about doing less. But with intention, and I think we've been conditioned and trained to think that, oh, if we just do more, more, more, more, more, that's how we get ahead. But that's what leads us to getting to the point that I was at. And so many high achieving and high performing women tend to find themselves in. And so it's really about getting in alignment with yourself, paying attention to what's going on because everybody's really busy, but are we actually being productive? Because so often people are busy focusing on the wrong things, where we're not actually focused on the things that truly matter, and that's what Unsubscribe is designed to help you do. Right.

Kat 6:43

Got it. I love that. What are some of those warning signs to pay attention to? Because I think for a lot of women you might think busy. And so what? Like everyone's burnt out. Everybody's stressed, right? What are the actual things that do point to something else is happening with your body and you really need to pay attention?

Ginny Priem 7:02

And that's gonna be different for everybody. For me, it showed up in, you know, my hair, skin, and nails. For some people, like if you have a stomach ache every day and you're driving into work, that's not normal, right? Like, your body is probably telling you, okay, I am, I'm actually sick about this. Or just like, you know, paying attention to your own patterns. You know, I have a friend right now that's, she's got a really big job at a Fortune 50 company and she hates it. She's miserable. She complains about it all the time. And last night I was on the phone with her and I was like, I, I always do this. I challenge her. I'm like, what are you gonna do about it?

Kat 7:34

Hmm.

Ginny Priem 7:35

Because you can't just complain to me about it every single day. You know, like you have to get out of your own way sometimes and figure out if this is really making you happy. We spend so much of our time working and you know, being around people, you have to be around people and in a job that is fulfilling. So I think it's, I don't mean to be like so vague, but that's gonna be different for everybody. But I think. Paying attention to it and really getting in tune with yourself and what makes you happy, what feels good, what doesn't, tune into that.

Kat 8:05

What about for the women who feel like they should be grateful for the job? I think part of it is you work so hard, right? You're like, I got this, I got the promotion, I got the title. I should be happy. This is what I wanted. You might think, this is a season of me feeling unhappy and maybe I should feel better. Eventually I'll feel better. How do you coach somebody through that?

Ginny Priem 8:27

So I think there's a couple of components to that. Number one is it's okay to change your mind. Just because you have worked really hard to get somewhere and you thought that was the path that you wanted to take. Once you get to that point, and if it's not what you thought or your goals and ambitions and your idea of success has changed, it's okay. It's okay to change your mind and for that not to be aligned with you anymore. And then the second thing is you can be grateful for something and at the same time, it not be right for you. Anymore. So not everything has to be in these absolutes, all or nothing. Well, I, I hate my job, or I can't be grateful because, you know, it is the position that I thought I wanted. Right. So two things can be true at the same time. And this is what I talk a lot about with unsubscribe, is it's not, unsubscribe is not just flippantly walking away from things and just, looking the other way, blowing things up and just, well, boop, done with that. It's really about actionable items and accountability. So if you are unhappy in your job, I would encourage you to, journal about it. There's work book prompts and everything throughout the book and give yourself timelines. Right, just like you would with any other thing, setting goals of like, okay, I'm miserable in my job right now. How long can I stay miserable in it before I need to do something about it? If this continues like this, maybe I need to have a conversation with my supervisor at this point, or you know, at this point maybe I need to look for another position, either within the company or outside of the company. So start to set different goals and parameters for yourself of what you're willing to participate in and what you're not.

Kat 10:09

Going back a little bit, why do women self abandon for the achievement or for the titles? Like why do you think that happens in your research?

Ginny Priem 10:19

That's what we've been taught. That's what we've been taught is the standard, right? It's like what society has conditioned us for, that we should be grateful, right? That we should be everything to everybody, and that ultimately, when you're doing that. Self abandonment is the end result.

Kat 10:36

Yeah. I think that's why it's also really hard to stick to the boundaries that you set. I feel like every year, like my resolution is I'm gonna stick to these boundaries. I'm not gonna do this, I'm not gonna do that, and then I end up doing it anyway. Do you have any practical tips for that specifically? Boundaries is a huge one for, for women and for everybody. I think.

Ginny Priem 10:56

I mean, honestly, because it's, if you are somebody that has a history of people pleasing, recovering, people, pleaser here, which, you know, I. I don't know how many people can relate to that, but I think a lot,

Kat 11:06

Yeah.

Ginny Priem 11:06

you know, practice and, and I think you have to get comfortable with discomfort. Okay? And what I mean by that is if you are always the person saying yes, and you aren't willing to say no, and then you start to say, no, you're gonna have this. Perception or this feeling about yourself that, oh my gosh, people are gonna think I'm just being difficult now, or I'm, I'm being a bitch. Right? But you're not, the people that are meant to stay in your life are actually gonna respect you more for it. And I think to resist the urge to over explain. So if you're not willing or can't do something, try this simple phrase, I'm not available, and stop.

Kat 11:48

Yeah.

Ginny Priem 11:49

And it might feel uncomfortable, but that is the simplest way. You don't owe anybody an explanation of why you can't do something or why you're not available. Right. You're just not available. And I think that's a really easy way. It's not easy. It's a simple way that gets easier the more you kind of implement it and put it into practice. And I do wanna just say one more thing too about the like, why do women get caught up in this? If we think about the outdated. Ways of what success looks like. It was very linear, you show up the earliest at the office, you work the longest hours, you work the hardest, you get the promotion, you work longer hours, you get the raise and, and it just continues to go like that. And that's outdated. Like I want to challenge that idea of success because that is part of what's leading to people burning out and completely, you know, wanting to throw in the towel.

Kat 12:43

And that is leading to something. I think it's, the millennial career crisis. That's why millennials keep changing jobs and they think, and this was me too, like thinking that I needed a new job to quiet the voice inside that was saying that I wasn't happy. And it took me a long time to realize that it wasn't about the job.

Ginny Priem 13:01

Mm.

Kat 13:02

Yeah.

Ginny Priem 13:03

you learn That it was about?

Kat 13:05

It was kind of what you were saying is that that ladder to success, right? Achieving the title or achieving what I thought was my dream job, once I got there, was like, wait, I still feel unfulfilled, so what is it? I don't know if I told you this when we first started, but I had a lot of skin issues as well. I had. Chronic eczema flare ups all over my body. Once I decided that I was going to leave my job and I was like, this is my plan, in the next four months, this is what's gonna happen. I'm gonna leave my job. And the skin rashes cleared up like completely. It wasn't the only thing that that made it go away. cause I did a lot of other health things, it was one of the missing pieces.

Ginny Priem 13:42

it's so interesting and I think too, well, so I think, again, outdated type of ideology around, you know, loyalty at jobs. Was, it's actually shown now. I recently had someone on my podcast who she is a former chief HR officer and chief people officer for BMW, massive organizations globally, and she actually said that you earn more money if you switch jobs. So gone are the days of, you know, like my parents' generation where they, you know, worked in a job, they stayed at the, that same job and that's where they retired from. You actually can be a little bit more strategic. So I think not beating ourselves up for that, like you don't wanna be having a new job every six months that does show maybe that, you know, then there's not a lot of loyalty and how long are you gonna stay at the next one, right? Like, I think those would be fair questions for a hiring manager or an employer to ask. So I think that's just something to keep in mind. And you know, for me, I put my first book out when I was still in corporate. And so I think if you have the right leader, and I did at that time because when I worked in, I worked in medical aesthetics and a lot of the organizations in. Leaders, I use that word loosely, that I worked for. You know, they would've really frowned upon something like that. They would have poo-pooed it, maybe tried to, stop me from doing it. I actually, after I put my first book out, I had an old colleague reach out to me and she's like, Hey, by the way, I've actually been secretly publishing books under a. Under a pen name for years for extra income. But I'm terrified to tell my employer about it. And I think that the, that's another kind of outdated thing where people, if you do have a passion project outside of work, that's going to make you more fulfilled. Happier. Like if you have, like for you, if you needed a creative outlet. You know, having something like that actually will make you more focused when you show up to your job. And luckily when I put my first book out, I had a boss that had that kind of mentality where she was like, I'm so happy that you have other interests and things that you're doing outside of work because. It makes you more engaged when you are at work because you're more satisfied all around in your life. And she's still one of my biggest supporters fans. Like she flew out for the book launch party. And so I think that is important too, to just pay attention to who you're working with, who you're working for, and then thinking about how are you, if you're really unfulfilled in your job, how are you finding fulfillment in other ways?

Kat 16:16

you're right. The answer isn't necessarily that you have to quit your job to pursue this very specific passion because it could just be a hobby or you, you could work on it as a side hustle for a long time so that you don't feel. desperate, to, leave.'cause you are fulfilling, to your point, you're fulfilling that need on the side. And I, I think a lot of people quit prematurely or they, they do it in like a explosive way

Ginny Priem 16:40

Hmm.

Kat 16:40

burn some bridges and then they realize that they still need that income and they haven't built enough runway. Then you get yourself into a problem.

Ginny Priem 16:48

Right. And then you're panicking and you just take the next best job, you know?'cause you need a job and it's not, again, you're still out of alignment. I think what's interesting, oh, you said something. So unsubscribe. It is not all about like everybody leaving their corporate jobs because if it was, I would never get hired to speak at any corporations if I was just going around and saying, okay, everybody, quit your corporate jobs. Right? So there's a lot of different components to it, but I think it, so it does lend a lot to people that are, you know, self-employed or still working in corporate. There's different ways that you can let go to, get ahead.

Kat 17:23

That's a good point. It sounds more like, at least from my interpretation, that it's about identifying the things that are really important to you. Keeping those and the things that maybe are feeling, off or making you feel like you're burning yourself out. Those are the things to put a microscope on. letting those things go, right?

Ginny Priem 17:43

nailed it. Do you wanna, you, you're hired.

Kat 17:46

Yeah, I'll be your spokesperson. I

Ginny Priem 17:48

I love it.

Kat 17:48

Okay. Let's talk a little bit about that narcissistic relationship you were in because, you talked a little bit about this on your YouTube. I was watching some of your videos around narcissistic abuse. Can you explain to people what that means and why? Sometimes high achievers actually, specifically high achieving women can find themselves in this type of situation.

Ginny Priem 18:07

Yeah, I mean, I can definitely talk about it from my own personal experience too. What I recognized and realized was why I picked him is because the behaviors were familiar to me from my family of origin, and unfortunately, sometimes there is comfort and familiarity, even if it's bad. And so that's how I found myself in that. But narcissists will often target successful, empathetic people because you're caring, understanding, and the success component elevates their lives, which they're all about their image, right? So they lack empathy. There's nine criteria in the DSM, and they have to have at least five consistently in order to be considered. Or to have NPD Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but it is a scale. It can be more severe than you know, it can be more or less severe depending on the person. But they would also have to seek treatment in order to get diagnosed. And that happens very rarely. It does not happen very often. So they lack empathy. They're all about their status image elevating, they overvalue themselves and undervalue others. But if you are a, a successful person, and for me, I was a perfect host because I had the success, I had the job, I traveled a lot. So when I was gone, he was doing all of his shenanigans, you know, while living in my house. and if you have people pleasing perfectionism, some of these. Patterns and behaviors. Perhaps like me, you grew up around some narcissistic tendencies, which those are some of the coping mechanisms and behaviors that we develop in those types of situations. So I mean, that's definitely how it happened for me.

Kat 19:49

So did you start to notice those behaviors after, or did he always have those types of behaviors and because you were, you said you were people, pleaser you didn't really pay attention until the moment that you discovered the double personality

Ginny Priem 20:02

Yeah, it's a great question and I'm really happy that you had the bravery to ask that because I feel like a lot of people wouldn't. So his behavior was like that the entire time. The love bombing, the manipulation, the gaslighting the, putting false images, the, the pathological line it was all there. Did I see it? Yes. Did I ignore it? Yes. And I think that's the biggest thing too. One of the things that successful, high achieving, performing women, when you are in this situation where you might be over-functioning and trying to be everything to everybody and losing that sense of yourself, you start to not trust yourself anymore and your gut and your intuition. But once you ignore your intuition and it was right, you never make that mistake again.

Kat 20:52

Hmm.

Ginny Priem 20:53

So trust your intuition. But yeah, I mean there was definitely some things in situations where I either had just like gut feelings or I actually had evidence and he would just gaslight me and be like, well, that's Even though I would be like, well, the security system wasn't working. He'd be like, I can't help if the technology wasn't working that day. And he would leave like, and he would abandon and neglect my elderly dogs while he was supposed to be watching them while I'd be traveling. But yeah, I think the signs were there, but I ignored them until it was just too clear.

Kat 21:24

Yeah. If somebody is listening and thinking about that in their own lives, like what would, what would be your advice to that woman who feels like, oh shoot, this is starting to hit like something in my own situation? What would you tell her?

Ginny Priem 21:37

Write stuff down. So I worked with years ago. He's a former FBI agent Joe Navarro. And he, he has a great book that I highly recommend called Dangerous Personalities. And one of the things that he always talks about is the best evidence wins. So take notes because when, what happens when you are being gaslit and being told that what you experienced. In reality didn't happen. You start to question yourself and you actually feel like you're going crazy. So by writing things down and having documentation, it gives you clarity to refer back to and go, wait, no, this did happen. I wrote it down in real time as it was. You know, like as it was happening, so taking notes of things that were said that happened. And that that can happen at work too, right? Like if you have a toxic boss or a toxic coworker I've definitely been there. If you have any documentation, send it to yourself. Keep documentation, write things down so that you really have that grounded sense of what is going on.

Kat 22:42

do you have any tips for somebody developing their own self-trust while they're doing this? Like how would you develop your intuition?

Ginny Priem 22:48

So I think we all have it. It's already there. The problem is, is when you don't trust it. And when you ignore it. So it's learning to trust yourself again by paying attention to it, acknowledging it, and, and the more you do that, again, it's like flexing a muscle. It's that muscle memory that you have to practice it. For me, and hopefully by us having this conversation, it will save somebody from having as severe of a situation as, as I did, is just, paying attention to it. If you get that gut feeling that. Something is off, something is wrong, pay attention to it. Because once you, like I said, once you ignore your intuition and it was right, you'll never make that mistake again.

Kat 23:29

Yeah. I mean, I do hope, if somebody is listening that they're, they're thinking about this for their situation, and I think trusting your intuition expands to, outside of relationships too. It's trust your intuition about your job. It's intuition about other things that might not be making you happy or making you feel satisfied with your life. Right.

Ginny Priem 23:46

Yeah, I'll give you actually a really, an outside of relationship answer or example. So I was traveling for work in Las Vegas and I was staying at the Bellagio, which is a very nice hotel for work, and they have security at the elevators. And it was not super late. It was maybe like 10 o'clock at night. I hadn't really been drinking. I. I had two glasses of champagne or something all evening. So I was very alert, very aware, sober walking to my hotel room. And my hotel room was all the way at the end of the hallway, like the very last room, and I sensed I was being followed. And I turned around and he acknowledged me. And he said, hi. And for whatever reason, alert, right? It's kind of like your fight flight, fawn, you know, mode fight or flight mode, when you get, when your intuition is kicking into gear. And this is a really great. Example of when I did trust my gut and it was right on and for what I luckily was clearheaded. So I was thinking quickly. I kind of looked down at my key and then looked up at the hotel rooms as we were walking by and I was like, oh, I'm, and I said out loud, I'm on the wrong floor, but I had to turn around and walk back past him to go back down to the elevators and sure he was following me. So when I dipped back into the elevator bank, he. Came back and I saw him walking back down the hallway. So he was absolutely following me. My intuition was right. So even if you can think of a situation that's not, you know, it's like a safety thing you've maybe been there where you're like, oh, nope, I shouldn't go in that door, or I shouldn't go in there. Something feels off, something feels wrong. It can be those little moments too, I mean, that could have turned into a big moment. Again, imagine if I ignored my intuition and was like, well. You know, there's security down there, but somehow he still got past them.

Kat 25:33

Wow. That gave me the chills. I feel like as women, we get those feelings all the time. Like I used to go running in the dark by myself when I was younger, and if I saw a shady character across the street, I would run in the other direction. it wasn't that they did anything, out of the ordinary. It's just a feeling you have, and I'm glad you mentioned that.

Ginny Priem 25:53

Yeah.

Kat 25:54

So let's talk about your book. What do you hope people will walk away with once they read it? Because the title's very provocative, and we've talked about this concept of unsubscribe, but What are the key takeaways you would like somebody to really get from your book?

Ginny Priem 26:05

Yeah, so I would say two things. Relief. Alignment.

Kat 26:11

Hmm.

Ginny Priem 26:12

Those are the two biggest key takeaways and the feedback that I'm getting from people. You know, the, the reviews that people are sharing. So it's built around four pillars because it's not just, oh, unsubscribe walking away, you know, blow everything up. So there's manage, swap. Mute and block manage is for the things that are important and we can talk through some different examples if you think that would be helpful for each one. Okay. That are just really relatable. We can talk some work stuff, some real life stuff because it really does apply both at work and just in life. So manage is for the things that are important that you can't ignore maybe they're even urgent. And if we think about manage, since we've been talking a lot about relationships here today whether it's a work relationship or a personal relationship, if you have somebody that you're having a difficult time with, what you can do is manage and, and unsubscribe is never about controlling anyone else's behavior. It's all about your own. So I think that's something to keep in mind, but you can manage the frequency that you see someone. The duration, how long you spend with them, and then maybe you can even manage the type of interaction. So if you see somebody for 90 minutes, once a month in person, and every time you walk away, they're just, you know, an energy vampire, they're just a complete drain. You walk away not feeling good. Your emotional bank account is just depleted. Maybe you evaluate that and you go, okay. I'm gonna do 60 minutes every other month and see how that feels for the next two interactions, so you can kind of manage how you're engaging. And so I like to use that as an example because we all, I think, can relate to having a difficult interpersonal relationship at some point.

Kat 27:55

That's a good one. Especially for work. I think too, in some ways it's, you don't necessarily have to have the reoccurring weekly meeting with someone there's tasks that you can do over email, you can mention that maybe we'd be more efficient if we just did a biweekly, a monthly, something like that.

Ginny Priem 28:10

Or if you really are dealing with like a toxic coworker, I, did this in my last corporate job where she would call me and text me on holidays and on the weekends or at like 7:30 PM on New Year's Eve to call me and, and gripe about something that she didn't like that I did. So I moved all communication in writing with her. I would not take a meeting with her unless there was another person on there to observe the. Behavior and interaction. So that was a, a way that I implemented manage, I unsubscribed from one-on-one meetings with her unless someone else is in the room. And then all other communication I put in writing so that I would ensure that everything was documented. So there are different ways that you can implement it. I love that you used that example and that it resonated for you in particular at work.

Kat 28:59

What are the other ones? Let's

Ginny Priem 29:00

So swap, swap is so fun. I actually have a copy of the book and I wanna share. If you ever see on social media too, it's like a this or that. I love swap because there's this whole spread in here where I give you all these different ideas. That you can swap this for that. So swap is removing something that no longer works or isn't working right now for something that's a little bit more aligned or that feels better right now. So I think especially as high achieving women, we can get caught up in our heads and talk to ourselves. Really meanly, you know, like we can say some pretty harsh stuff to ourselves. So swap that negative thought for something a little more kind. I love to talk about for this example too, like a personal one exercise if you're a runner. but let's say you're injured. And again, this goes back to that whole black and white absolutes. People are like, oh, well if I can't run then I just can't work out at all. Well, you could swap a run for a walk. Or if high intensity interval training doesn't feel good today, swap for yoga. Stretching something a little bit more gentle. So I think we can just get really hard on ourselves and that's where SWAP really can come into play and go, oh, actually I can exchange this and swap it for something that's just a little bit more aligned right now. And then we have Mute, which is. Something that we need to take a break from, something we need space. It could be a person, could also be a thing. Very simple example I like to use is dry January. There's a huge movement right now for people not, you know, consuming alcohol. So that could be a swap. Maybe you're like, okay, I'm gonna swap alcohol for. Mocktails or whatnot. But it also could be a mute where you say, all right, I'm gonna participate in dry January. I'm not gonna drink any alcohol for 31 days, or whatever that looks like. I have a friend that's right now, she's coming up on her one year of not having any alcohol, and she's like, I don't know if I'm gonna continue or not, but I did a one year mute. So with Mute again, it is about being actionable. Accountable. So you set timeframes of how long are you going to mute, said thing, person, whatever that looks like for you, and then come back to it. And all of these pillars are fluid. So if you say, okay, I did a mute for seven days, 30 days, I'm gonna continue the mute, or you don't, my life is better without it. I'm gonna completely remove it, or you say, all right, I liked how I felt, you know, not drinking alcohol during January from, Monday through Thursday, but maybe I'll just drink Thursdays through Saturdays and I'm gonna manage my, you know, consumption now so they all can kind of flow within one another as well.

Kat 31:37

I mean, the way that you're speaking about it it does go back to that eradicating the thought that it, it needs to be all or nothing, right? You're pausing, muting, you are giving yourself time to actually decide whether that needs to stay or go in your life.

Ginny Priem 31:51

Yes. Yeah, you're actually evaluating it. You're participating in your own life to, make it the best for you.

Kat 31:58

What about the last one?

Ginny Priem 31:59

Block that is where things go to die. Okay. That that is the complete elimination and removal. So like for me, I love to like jokingly, but not jokingly. Say for me, block narcissists. That is a complete elimination and removal from my life. I do not have space or time for it anymore. Too much of my life and time and energy was consumed by, by them. And so I have no problem now. Removing things that are unhealthy for me that that just no longer work, whether it's a relationship. So this is where the things that you are ready to completely eliminate. And if it is a relationship, I mean, no creeping on their social media just to see what they're up to, right? Like actually clearing that space. Because then what happens is when you do remove that, and I started to notice this for myself too, my healthy relationships, they started to strengthen, deepen. Flourish and then I started to welcome in more like that. So when you actually remove things that don't work for you that are no longer in alignment or maybe never were in the first place, you start to create space for what truly matters and is more aligned for you.

Kat 33:09

Yeah, because on the subject of the relationship, if you're pouring yourself into a relationship where you are depleting, you're depleting yourself, you're being drained and maybe you don't even know it because you know some people may not realize they're in that type of relationship. you remove that. You now have all of this energy to give to others or to give to yourself.

Ginny Priem 33:29

Oh, I love that you said that to give to yourself. Mm-hmm.

Kat 33:33

I think that's like where. A lot of high achieving women feel this obligation, right? To take care of everybody else, especially I'm a mom. You have to take care of your kids. You take care of your husband, you gotta take care of, you know, maybe aging parents you don't realize that you only have a certain battery or you only have this much energy, and it's now just being given to all of these other areas that are not you. And no wonder you're tired, no wonder you're exhausted at the end of the day.

Ginny Priem 33:58

Absolutely. And I mentioned this term earlier, but I I call it your emotional bank account. Like we all understand especially powerful women here, we all understand the concept of our bank accounts. Money coming in, money going out it feels way better when money's coming in than it does when it's being emptied from your bank account. But that is just like your energy and your emotions. If you are spending time around people, and every time you leave that interaction, you're like, Ugh, I'm just exhausted. They just zap the energy and drain it out of me every single time. You're constantly getting this energy and emotion withdrawal from somebody. If you think about your healthy relationships, most of the time it probably feels pretty balanced. And we all go through stuff, right? Like, it's not to say that I've never been an energy suck, because when I was going through my, separation from my abusive, toxic relationship, it was a really hard time. And I did need people to support me, you know, until I could put my big girl pants on and put one foot in front of the other. But,'cause, I mean, I just, it shattered and completely broke my entire world. But most of our friendships or relationships, there is some give and take. There are some deposits and there are some withdrawals and you usually feel leaving those interactions or whatever type of interaction, whether it's in person or a phone call, feeling pretty even, right? Like you both are depositing, you both are, you know, there for each other when you need to take a withdrawal. The really good ones are when you both leave and you both feel like you got a really big deposit. So think of your energy as a currency, right? Because that's really what it is. And your time and your energy are some of your most valuable currency that you have.

Kat 35:39

I love that analogy. That's a really good way of putting it. Especially if you start to notice there are people that every time you speak with them, they are taking money away from your emotional account. what do you say to the woman who starts to do this work? Right. She's paying attention and she's starting to take some of these, let's say it's the relationship identifying somebody that would like to not have in their life, or it's strengthening their boundaries and taking action, but they're starting to lose people. There's people that are Not liking this person that they're becoming in some ways. Like maybe you're, you're stepping into this new version and you're scared to lose those people. How would you address that, that fear?

Ginny Priem 36:19

I would address it, and this is again, just something that I've come to for myself. I would be willing to lose anybody as long as I don't lose myself again.

Kat 36:29

Hmm. I.

Ginny Priem 36:31

And I think once you get to that place, and if someone has made you fearful about losing them, that's not somebody that you should probably value or want to have in your life anyway. I think that, again, absolutes and extremes, I don't think we wanna just go like, I'm just gonna eliminate everybody from my life. At the expense of protecting your peace, right? That's such a common be a popular phrase right now, but everything can be overdone. So I think you just take it one at a time and see what feels right. If you feel more yourself, if you feel relief after you do remove a relationship. I think that's a really good indicator that you made the right choice.

Kat 37:12

Let's talk a little bit about wellness you're a podcast host, speaker, you do all of these things. How do you keep yourself sane somebody who is this powerful authority now, right? I look to you as somebody who like, oh, I could maybe be Ginny one day, but I also don't wanna lose myself. Going back to the burnout and the, concept of you work so hard to achieve, but then you lose yourself What are those things that keep you grounded, keep you balanced so that doesn't happen again?

Ginny Priem 37:40

Well, that is maybe the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. Stop it. You're so sweet, Kat. I feel the same way about you. Like, it, it's so fun. Our history and our backgrounds, how aligned they are and some of the things that we've been through and what we're building and, it's great to be with you and, people like you. I think a couple of things. So I'll tell you. The work that I do now is so meaningful. Yes. I still do work really hard and I work a lot. I work long hours. I think I'm working the next three weekends for speaking engagements, but I love it so much. It's so fulfilling and so meaningful, and it's so cliche, but it doesn't feel like work, and so when you love what you do. You don't have that rub, you don't feel depleted all of the time. However, I do have to balance myself and, my publicist who you've met, she will keep me in check and she'll be like, you need to at least take a half a day or one day this weekend and actually like, not work. So I think having accountability partners is a really important aspect. And the, some of the things that I do for my. Own wellbeing. One of the things I incorporated and I discovered after my life imploded after my relationship was meditation. So about a year after everything happened, I got invited on this meditation retreat and old Ginny would've been like, oh, you can just take your nerdy little pillow and, and go do your meditation thing. But I'll tell you, it has changed my life. It has helped me know myself better. It keeps me grounded. I am so much more self-aware because of it. Less reactive, more calm. I get less reactive, more responsive. So that's a huge thing for me. I have also become less. Harsh with myself in terms of my workout and wellness routine. Instead of always feeling like I have to do high intensity interval training, five days a week, I do more yoga. And, if I'm like, I can't, I don't have a lot of time today, I'll do 10 minutes of arms or Pilates or whatever just to feel like I can do something. So I feel like just being a little more gentle with myself I do, I do have a couple of hard. Mute things that I do in my own life. I have a, my perfect cavalier king Charles spaniel, Francine my dog. When I walk her, I do not bring my phone and I take that time specifically to connect with her to be in nature, which I think is a really great thing, again, to help us stay grounded. And then when I exercise, I do not bring my phone. So those are two hard mutes I do with my phone and technology myself, because it would be so easy to get distracted. By a ping on the call, you know, and be like, oh, gotta stop my workout and I'm only two minutes in because I gotta take this call. Right. So those are a couple of things that I do. And then one big swap that I've done is things for experiences. So I value travel. Seeing new places, doing things with people I love and care about versus buying things because they're just fleeting. And those memories from experiences will last a lifetime. So that was probably more than you bargained for. But things clearly I am passionate about.

Kat 40:57

No, I love that. I, that's really good advice to leave your phone at home when you're walking your dog or when you're working out, because I don't have a dog, but when I go for walks, my phone's with me. And lately though, I'm like, maybe I should just walk in silence. I don't need to listen to a podcast. I don't need to be productive. This is my time to enjoy, like you said, enjoy nature

Ginny Priem 41:16

As long as you feel like you don't need it for safety reasons. Then I, I would say try it and, and let me know how it goes and I think when you do that I actually did my first solo vacation a couple years ago. And I had travel a lot for work by myself, but I'd never done a vacation just by myself. And it was one of the most enlightening experiences and, and going for a walk by yourself without your phone. Is kind of a way to dip your toe into that because you really heighten all of your senses. You are seeing the leaves on the trees and the colors. You are smelling the air, you are feeling the, the air, right? It's a way too. Ignite all of your senses and be more present in the moment, and it really does change the experience. Even something just as simple as going for a walk.

Kat 42:11

Actually, as you were saying that, about noticing things, I don't know if you've heard of To be Magnetic, but they are a manifestation. I don't even know what to call them, like a group of individuals. They have a podcast, but one of the things that they recommended doing was. So you don't take your phone, but then you do this, you play this game where you're trying to spot, let's say you tell yourself, I'm gonna see the color red, or I'm going to see a certain flower. And then you start noticing that so that on your walk, you're noticing. thing that you've decided you wanna notice? So it's like about seeking opportunity and abundance,'cause that translates into your day-to-day life where if you wanna have more opportunities and you wanna see more abundance, you're training yourself to see things that maybe you wouldn't have seen. So, yeah.

Ginny Priem 42:52

love that.

Kat 42:53

On the subject of meditation, what kind of meditations do you do?

Ginny Priem 42:56

I'm a guided meditation girl. I'm not creative enough to just sit in my own head. And I'll get too distracted. Actually that was when I went on that meditation retreat. It was the first time I ever meditated in my life and. It was, it was guided and she would do like these really cool headphones and you'd have music and then hear her through it. I tend to, and this is maybe controversial, but I tend to fall asleep. During meditation and I was very concerned about that. I was like, oh my gosh, I'm obviously doing it all wrong. I keep falling asleep. And then the meditation guide was like, no, it just means that you got everything out of it that you needed. And that's actually a really good thing that you were present comfortable enough to. Completely fall asleep. I was like, okay, well that's good. So like today I did a 10 minute happiness meditation. And for me,'cause you know, we're high performers, so we got a multitask. So I did my red light therapy mask. I like to do my red light therapy mask when I do my meditation. And I'm like, you know, two birds. But yeah, so I'll do that. I like to do sleep meditations before bed at night. It just depends. I, really try to just tune into myself and be like. Ooh. And sometimes what I notice, Kat, is like some of my triggers, like traffic, if I all of a sudden get road rage, I'm like, Ooh, girl, you haven't meditated in a while, have you? You need to go do a calming, meditation and just center and, and ground yourself. So you paying attention to your patterns and behaviors and what you need.

Kat 44:27

I'm the same way. I notice if I don't do my, my routine, I guess, meditation, go for a walk and I start to spiral. I'm like, why am I spiraling? This is something that I shouldn't be upset about. Oh, it's because I didn't do all the things I, I

Ginny Priem 44:40

Totally.

Kat 44:41

So as we wrap up, what would be one piece of advice you want the listener to walk away with today? Having listened to this episode,

Ginny Priem 44:47

I love this question and one of my favorite answers, so my dad was my guy, and he unfortunately passed away about five years ago, and he had all these, what I call dadism. Not to be confused with a dad joke'cause they're not funny. They're meant to be life lessons. But you know, like a dad joke, poorly timed, but well intended. And his most famous one was, you are the architect of your own destiny. As a kid, I was like, what does that even mean? Come on. Right? I had no idea. And now I interpret it as, and I apply it to my own life and hope that other people do is you can't always control what happens, but you can control how you respond.

Kat 45:25

Mic drop.

Ginny Priem 45:26

It's a fun one and it's always a fun way to kinda get to honor my dad. So yeah, you are the architect of your own destiny.

Kat 45:32

That's a really good one how can people find out more about you and your book and what you do?

Ginny Priem 45:37

Kat, thank you for that. And I like to keep things simple, so if you wanna book me to speak, I find my books connect with me on social. The easiest place is my website, GinnyPriem.com. So it's my name and all my socials are Ginny Priem. I've got the book linked there and everything.

Kat 45:50

Perfect. Alright, what a great conversation with Ginny. Here are four takeaways from today's episode. Number one, your body keeps score before your brain does, whether it's shingles, hair loss, stomach aches, or skin flareups. These are not random. This is your body waving a red flag and it's worth paying attention to. Number two, you are allowed to change your mind. Working hard to get somewhere doesn't mean you're obligated to stay there. Number three, I'm not available is a complete sentence. There's no explanation required, and the people who are meant to stay in your life will respect you for it and the people who don't. That is also information too. And finally, number four, think of your energy as currency and get really intentional about where you're spending it. that is exactly what Ginny's Unsubscribed framework is built to help you do the four pillars. Manage swap mute block give you a real practical filter for reclaiming your time, your energy boundaries at work and in life, and if today resonated, please go grab her book. Unsubscribe while letting go is a secret to getting ahead. If today's episode hit home, please share it with somebody in your life who needs to hear it. Please also tag me on Instagram and let me know your biggest takeaway, and please do take care of yourself. Until next time.