Mara's Story: Sobriety Isn't All or Nothing

In this inspiring and heartfelt episode, we chat with Mara about her journey into sober curiosity and the clarity she discovered along the way. Growing up in a home impacted by substance abuse, her path wasn’t straightforward, but her exploration of grey-area drinking revealed a more flexible, welcoming side of sobriety than she ever imagined.

Mara dives into life in the “grey area,” where drinking isn’t an all-or-nothing—it’s a colorful spectrum full of possibility. She shares how embracing sober curiosity helped her find balance without the pressure of strict labels or extreme choices.

This episode is a testament to the power of self-reflection, growth, and carving out your own path. Whether you’re curious about sobriety or seeking clarity in your relationship with alcohol, Mara’s story offers hope, insight, and the reminder that you’re never alone on this journey.

IG: @marademauro
Website: www.marademauro.com

IG: @coach_radams
Website: www.reneeadamscoaching.com

Email us: nosedivethepod@gmail.com

Transcript

Renee Adams (00:36)
We're gonna get into just a little bit about ourselves, starting with Ms. Mara and kind of your journey, how you got here, how you found Sober Curiosity, and maybe just some tidbits about where you are and what we're gonna do moving forward with this.

Mara DeMauro (00:55)
Yeah, definitely. I'm excited to be here. I was thinking about it before we started and just how special this truly is and our journeys around redefining and exploring our relationship with alcohol and how that has brought us so close and doing things that I would have never imagined doing.

Renee Adams (01:21)
Absolutely.

Mara DeMauro (01:22)
And I was just thinking this morning, like, gosh, like this is so cool that this is what I'm, this is what we are doing instead of like nursing a hangover, just not working towards things that really excite me. And, you know, we really started this podcast because we really want to reach other people to help them understand that there is a space for people who are in that gray area.

Renee Adams (01:32)
Yes, yes.

Mara DeMauro (01:51)
who aren't necessarily, yeah, exactly, not this all or nothing. It doesn't have to be that way for everyone. And we understand that that can be for some people and we respect that journey. And also there's a whole other population of people where that doesn't necessarily work. And that's where we found ourselves. So I hope through sharing my story,

Renee Adams (01:53)
Yeah, not all or nothing.

Mara DeMauro (02:18)
And then of course, in the next episode, sharing yours, give a little insight into how others might be able to navigate this and find some helpful tips and that inspiration that if we did it, you can do it too.

Renee Adams (02:32)
Yeah, hell yeah. Awesome, dude. Yeah, well, just a little background about our relationship before you dive in to your kind of background and how you found Sober Curiosity. We've been friends for 10 years now, which just blows my mind to even think about to begin with. We met in grad school. Kind of funny too, we both kind of have a sort of wellness background.

Mara DeMauro (02:34)
Yeah.

Renee Adams (02:59)
and just how we met in classes and how we continue to have classes. And then we kind of reconnected in 2023. And I'll kind of go into that, you know, when my story comes about. But yeah, dude, just so excited to hear more about your story and how how did you even find Sober Curiosity? I didn't even know it was a thing until probably last year. So.

Mara DeMauro (03:21)
Yeah, yeah, I agree that this is, yeah, just an interesting little journey here.

I was thinking about it the other day, I'm like, holy cow, I have been alcohol free for over two years and I don't really talk about that. And I was just like, and a lot of times I think a lot of people can relate to this, just kind of like bypassing our own wins and oh yeah, no big deal, no big deal. You know, and we're just so focused on helping other people, you know, or whatever that might be. And I was like, hold on, holy cow.

That is the longest thing, like the longest commitment that I've ever made to myself. And I was like, I'm just taking a moment to think about myself for a minute. But yeah, I grew up, I've shared this part a little bit, but I grew up in a substance heavy home and I saw a lot of family members really struggle with addiction and it's very...

Renee Adams (04:05)
Yeah, right. Right.

That's a huge accomplishment. Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (04:29)
you know, known way. you know, people just, you know, relationships falling apart and getting in trouble with the law and like severe, severe issues. and I always knew, you know, that watching them struggle in that way, I knew that I didn't want to struggle in those same ways. And so,

Renee Adams (04:42)
issues, right?

Mara DeMauro (04:58)
I was very cautious about how I interacted with substances, but I, and I grew up dancing in a very disciplined, you know, area, art, and that also probably helped kind of steer that path of like trying, you know, trying substances, but not going like all in.

Renee Adams (05:04)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (05:28)
throughout high school and into college and stuff like that. So there are a few external reasons for why I maybe was like...

Renee Adams (05:39)
outside of that a little bit. Like you had a different commitment that sort of kept that at arm's length for you. Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (05:41)
Yeah, yeah.

Yes.

so, you know, but it wasn't like, it's still, it came apparent to me down the road that like, ⁓ just because I am not struggling in the same ways that my family's, some of my family members have, doesn't mean that alcohol and other substances aren't affecting me. And I was like, you know, cause I literally grew up

Renee Adams (05:57)
Hmm.

affecting you, right, right.

Mara DeMauro (06:17)
going to AA meetings. Back in the day where I was sitting under, because you could smoke in the rooms. Yeah, and I hated cigarette smoke. And I just remember sitting under the tables, just listening to everyone's stories and being like, holy cow, this is really rough. This is heavy stuff. But also really understanding how amazing it was for people

Renee Adams (06:19)
Mmm.

So crazy, yeah.

Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (06:46)
that they could change their lives around and just how incredible that was to witness. So anyway, I...

I hit a point in my life probably, yeah, two and a half years ago where I was navigating some really big life transitions. And I just knew that I needed to have as much clarity as possible to be able to get through those transitions. I was going through a major heartbreak. I was changing careers and I needed new housing. And it was almost like...

you know, doing those substances, it just was like, that's not an option right now. Because like, that's only going to make this harder. And I, there was, I could not stand one more hard thing. And so yeah, let me just like pump the brakes here and where this goes from there.

Renee Adams (07:42)
Mm. Yeah, like add it to the list.

Yeah.

Right. Yeah. So tell me a little bit then about your story into actually taking maybe the first step into Sober Curiosity. You told us a little bit about your background, of keeping things at arm's length, but not really having a quote unquote, I guess, rock bottom that

the way that society would maybe portray someone who would need to reevaluate their relationship with alcohol. Can you tell me and tell everybody a little bit about your story on kind of your maybe aha moment or your moment where you're like, yes, this is I'm taking a step into this. I don't know what this looks like. But kind of your journey through taking that first step and what that looked like for you into sober curiosity.

Mara DeMauro (08:46)
Yeah, you know that I had a friend or she is still my friend and we were kind of going through this same reevaluation of our relationship with alcohol at the same time. And we actually started a social meetup here in Charleston called Fish Out of Water, which

Renee Adams (09:02)
Hmm.

Mara DeMauro (09:14)
is a space for people to celebrate and connect without having the pressure of drinking alcohol. And we really wanted to create, we were looking for more people who wanted the same thing like we did. so we were.

Renee Adams (09:26)
Yeah, like minded. Sure. Yeah. Kind of like a

calling card. Like all the people out there who are kind of gray area and like, where you at?

Mara DeMauro (09:35)
Yeah, where you at?

Because we weren't, you know, fish out of water is not exclusive in the sense that you have to be sober. It's just during the meetups, we are alcohol free, you know, so it gives people that opportunity to kind of like play around in that space and meet other people. so that's kind of like having someone else in my immediate circle who was also navigating that and

wanted to learn more about that and getting really excited with her about finding even things on social media, like other people who were also doing this. And I just think it's so cool because there really is a shift. It went from being like, this is all or nothing to like, like with a lot of things, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. We can kind of just like...

Renee Adams (10:26)
Mmm.

Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (10:33)
Let's reevaluate this little bit.

Renee Adams (10:35)
Right,

right. Yeah, no, for sure. And so what areas do you think have, you know, changed your dynamic in your life in terms of, like you said, with your fish out of water, like how you socialize with other people, how you kind of conduct yourself, maybe your...

mindset around things? What are some areas in your life that you feel like has changed because of your sober curiosity?

Mara DeMauro (11:16)
Yeah, so I really feel like...

I realized just how much alcohol is everywhere and how much it was a part of everything growing up and how many mixed messages there were as well, you know, from one side, you know, one family member to the next, you know, being told, you know, from my mom was terrified, you know, like,

Renee Adams (11:28)
Mmm, yeah.

Yes, yeah.

Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (11:51)
that I would fall in the same addictive habits as some of our other family members and just super like, this is bad, don't ever do this. A little bit of panic around it is what I felt anyway. And then other family members being like, hey, it's not a big deal. It's the holidays here, try some. And I'm like, wait, why is at one place this is like...

Renee Adams (12:00)
Right.

Yeah. Yes.

Mara DeMauro (12:18)
not a big deal in another place it is and you know, so what does this really mean for me? And I really, also have just found it so fun to, it's kind of given me that like little edge of like, yeah, I am the person, I show up to this party and I'm fucking sober and I'm having a blast. And yeah, I'm weird, I've always been told I was weird and I don't need alcohol to be weird.

Renee Adams (12:24)
Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Yeah, right. Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (12:46)
or to be fun or to be whatever. It's just like,

know, like everyone just genuinely really wants to be accepted for who they are. And so it's like, let's just do that. But let's do it.

Renee Adams (13:01)
Let's just do that. Yeah. Like

this is me and you don't need the alcohol to kind of like either lubricate or gain that confidence or like be your weird self or even, or even mask your weirdness. Like maybe you do have social anxiety around being around other people and being your weird self, but like what is wrong with that? Like there isn't. Yeah, for sure. So how has it changed your relationships do you think with?

when you do socialize or like you're saying, you kind of feel almost empowered when you're going into these situations now. But this is also after like two years. So how do you think it's changed your relationships? And can you say that? it something that you develop over time of going into these situations or, you know, is it something that you still kind of get nervous about when you're going into new situations?

Mara DeMauro (13:57)
Yeah, I think these are great questions and once to keep in mind that just like everything else, we're gonna ebb and flow through our emotions and how we feel about certain situations. it's like, catch me on one day, I'm like, oh yeah, I got this. Catch me on another day, I'm like, I feel a little weird about this. I think that that bigger picture is just to kind of expect that you're going to feel all of these different things. Like that is a guarantee.

Renee Adams (14:05)
Yeah.

Right, right, right.

Mara DeMauro (14:25)
and that it's normal to feel these things. But what's so beautiful about taking this journey and fucking nose diving into living this like alcohol free or sober curious journey is that you are uncomfortable and you do the thing you want to do anyway. You just do it. You push through and you do it. And then you realize like, my gosh, like, okay, I did that. Like, good. So then over time,

Renee Adams (14:27)
Mmm.

Yeah.

Mmm. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You push through.

Mara DeMauro (14:54)
you have accumulated all of this evidence for yourself that you can do the hard things. And that becomes your truth rather than that story of like, I can't do that. I can't do that. I can do it. I'm going to feel uncomfortable maybe, but I can do it.

Renee Adams (15:06)
Yeah.

And I've done it. And I've done

it. Yeah, yeah. No, for sure.

Mara DeMauro (15:15)
Yeah.

And I think too, like, for sure, in the beginning, I think...

I would still do everything that everyone would be doing. Going to this bar, grabbing drink here or whatever, because that's what I was doing. But as time has unfolded, I've been creating new connections where I'm hanging out with people who also have a similar lifestyle and we're doing things that actually bring joy to my life. I'm not just sitting at a bar and drinking the water.

Renee Adams (15:33)
Mmm, yeah.

Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (15:57)
all the time because like what I'm hanging out with like that's what they're doing. And so it takes time to build new connections and find, you know, other people who want to relate and live a similar lifestyle. And then, yeah, I feel like my relationships with people have just expanded immensely. I think there's a lot of fear, which is normal when people decide to do this, like, my gosh, like who am I?

Renee Adams (15:58)
Riot.

Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (16:26)
what's my social life gonna look like, who are my friends? And there was also a time where I was very inward and I was really doing that, quote unquote, emotional sobriety work. Doing the stuff that's really challenging and maybe hard to process and it just takes time. But so, so important and valuable to get to that next step.

Renee Adams (16:38)
Mmm, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's so funny that like when you start looking at your relationship with alcohol for a lot of people, it is your identity. So when you start to reduce it or remove it, you're like, holy shit, who am I now? Are these friends really my friends? Is this something that I actually really want to do? So the fact that you have now

found and it sounds like too, even from the get go of hearing other people's stories and connecting that way, you can do that and show up in a very different way where you're making connections with people that are more, maybe not more authentic, but maybe just a little more clear on how you're actually feeling and breaking down emotions on when you do meet people for the first time, because you're not in this sort of fog of

dousing yourself or numbing yourself to make you feel like, okay, I can do this. I can meet people. can create relationships, but you're doing that more in a very clear way. Yeah. No, that's great.

Mara DeMauro (18:00)
Yeah, yeah.

I feel like I love myself more than I ever have in my entire life.

Renee Adams (18:08)
Yeah, that's

so huge. I don't think people give themselves, like you were saying at the beginning of all this, stopping to really give yourself the credit to be like, I like myself. I love myself. I love the stuff that I'm doing. And being able to look back on your life and the things that you've done and realizing like, hold up, this is pretty big. Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (18:38)
I definitely, think it's a combination of things. It's not like, oh, just remove alcohol. I'm like, your whole life just like turned into fucking rainbows. It's not necessarily like that, but it's a huge step.

Renee Adams (18:49)
Mmm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes.

Mara DeMauro (19:00)
in creating a life that's more fulfilling and more vibrant and healthier and clearer and passionate. You know, it's like, it's so funny. It's just like, I feel like we're in a time when, you know, obviously there was a transition from when like doctors used to prescribe or not prescribe, but like approve of like tobacco. know, obviously I can't really a point of like.

Renee Adams (19:09)
Yeah.

Yeah, right. Yeah, smoking inside. Like

you said, smoking inside, smoking while you're pregnant.

Mara DeMauro (19:31)
Yeah, and now we're at this point where it's the same thing kind of with alcohol. People are totally like, ⁓ hold up, hold up. We have been told for so long that this is just like, this is what you do. You celebrate with it, you connect with it, you cope with it. It shows your social class, even it's intellectualized, all of this stuff. And I think what the surgeon general just came out saying, yo.

Renee Adams (19:50)
Yeah. Yeah.

just came out, I know.

Mara DeMauro (20:00)
It was pizza.

Renee Adams (20:00)
It's actually like we're putting warnings potentially on alcoholic beverages as they do with cigarettes. It's crazy and it's a long time coming for sure. How do you think it has, I feel like this is a very big question, but how do you feel like it's changed your life? Like either on a day to day or?

maybe just overall on maybe the trajectory that you were on before, maybe removing alcohol or even asking the question on what sober curiosity is.

Mara DeMauro (20:36)
It has totally changed my life in the sense that, I mean, now I am a sober curious coach. I not only live this lifestyle, I help others navigate that transition and navigate that space. And that is so, so rewarding. I feel like I am actually.

Renee Adams (20:44)
Woo woo!

Yeah.

Mm.

Mara DeMauro (21:02)
doing and living a purposeful life and doing something that really lights me up and helps other people. And that's the first time in my career that I've ever done that. I have a background in marketing, which I love the creative aspect of and however looking at analytics to determine how an ad plays out. I'm just like, that doesn't...

Renee Adams (21:10)
Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (21:31)
that doesn't do it for me. Someone else, probably does, which is great. I always knew I wanted to help in some capacity. I just didn't know how. And all I needed to do was to look at my own life journey and realize what struggles have I gone through and how can I help others navigate the same thing. So that's why I'm here, to show other people that there's life beyond this

Renee Adams (21:36)
Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (22:01)
this lifestyle that we have been fed, that we can actually recreate our own life and live it the way we want and live it passionately.

Renee Adams (22:04)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, dude, 100%. I'll never forget too, and I think this was early in your journey that I remember seeing your post about going to a wedding, 100 % alcohol free. And I just remember thinking, holy shit, how? How? Like, how is she gonna do that? How did she do this? And it sparked my own interest in like, okay,

Here's someone who I've known for so long, never knew you to have like any, again, quote unquote issues with alcohol. Yeah, we've gone out, we've done the bar scene, like we've gone out together, but I'd never thought of you as someone who would be one to even look at or evaluate your relationship with alcohol and then coming out and being like, yeah, dude, I just had an amazing fucking time at this wedding balling out with zero alcohol.

What? What do you mean? How did you do it? And it was just, it was so intriguing to me to even think about what it would mean, at least for me personally, like not having alcohol at a wedding. Because when you think about that, you're like, that sounds boring as shit. And it's like from the, what you posted about.

Nah, dude, like you're still fun. Like you're still having a great fucking time. And if anything, it's kind of like a conversation starter. Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (23:44)
Totally. Yeah,

it was so freeing. know, once you, just like with any lifestyle change you make, you start to, you have like your first, you know, this was my first wedding, going like totally sober. And it's exhilarating. It's fun. It's an experiment. And I think that's kind of what this whole lifestyle change.

Renee Adams (23:48)
Mmm.

Yeah. Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (24:13)
has really brought me to is like reuniting with my inner child, you know, playful side, which is so much fun. I mean, I say it all the time. I just want to have a good time. I just want to have fun. I want, I think everyone would agree. We want to have a good time, right? Okay. And I want to be able to wake up the next, I remember going, was in Tahoe. And I remember like, I partied my ass off as in like,

Renee Adams (24:17)
Yeah, right.

I just want to have some fun.

Yeah. Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (24:42)
I was me, I had a good time, I danced, I was with my best friends in this beautiful place, but I was totally sober. I went to sleep, I woke up the next day feeling great, like went on a hike by myself, like absolutely loving it. It's like, why not do this? You know?

Renee Adams (24:51)
Yeah.

Right.

Yeah, yeah,

or at least just try like you said, an experiment, like try it out. What's the worst thing that could happen? You feel fucking great and you wake up and do all the things that you said that you're gonna do the next day. How do you think that would have gone differently, you know, if it was sort of like your old self?

Mara DeMauro (25:19)
hmm. yeah. my old self... my old self. my self that was dormant for a long time. yeah, yeah. yeah. back when i was drinking, i think i...

Renee Adams (25:26)
You're still yourself, but like the alcohol self.

Mara DeMauro (25:40)
You know, like I said, I was never really one to be a really, like, so I'll paint a picture.

I would drink, I was type of drinker who was like, okay, on the weekends, I'm gonna drink one night and I'm gonna get to a place where I know that I'm like intoxicated, but not too much to the point where I throw up because I actually have a huge fear of throwing up. So I knew where my limit was. I'm gonna get to that point. I might even do some other drugs on the side.

Renee Adams (26:01)
Mmm.

shit, okay. Yeah.

Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (26:20)
I'll wake up the next day and I would feel like absolute shit and I would like

Like how I take care of my body and what I eat is so important to me. And every time I did this, I would just like eat foods that I knew were not good for me, that would be, yeah, that would nerd me a hangover. And that would just, there was just like so much shame and spiral, like, my God, like I did it again. Why did I do this again? For those couple of hours of like,

Renee Adams (26:53)
Yeah, right.

Mara DeMauro (26:58)
fun? Like are we actually having a good time? But the thing is like it wasn't even it was just what we did so I didn't even think that there was an option.

Renee Adams (26:59)
Mmm.

Yeah, yeah.

Another option.

Yeah, right. Yeah. No, for sure. You get into like your creature comforts of always doing what you've always done. Especially when you have people in your life, not to put accountability on other people, but when you surround yourself with people who do that, of course you're gonna do that.

Mara DeMauro (27:16)
So.

Right.

Renee Adams (27:40)
Yeah, you're gonna go out, that's how you have fun, that's how you've always done it. So yeah, why would you do anything different? Ugh.

Mara DeMauro (27:47)
Yeah, there's

so many layers and like, go down this route and then go down this route because it really is peeling back an onion. it's not, the thing is it's not about the alcohol. It's so much more than that. And that's why it's such a rich and, what's word I'm looking for it? Inspirational.

Renee Adams (27:50)
I know.

Right, right.

so much more.

Mara DeMauro (28:16)
journey.

Renee Adams (28:16)
It's like an, well, it's an ongoing,

it's an ongoing thing too. Like, you know, I feel a lot of the times when you talk about getting sober or sober curious, like it is a, you know, you think that there's a sort of, okay, I've made it, you know, like there's this like, yeah, of course there's timelines and milestones during your journey that I think should be celebrated, but it's an.

Mara DeMauro (28:33)
Mm.

Renee Adams (28:44)
ongoing lifelong thing, which I think is also very beautiful because you're going to continue to learn more about yourself. It's something that keeps giving back. It's not like, okay, I'm like two years sober now. Okay, I'm two years sober. It's like, no, you're going to continue that. You're going to continue to find these new avenues of yourself that you may not have otherwise found. So it's like the gift that keeps on giving, for sure.

Mara DeMauro (28:53)
Yes.

Yep.

Yeah.

Renee Adams (29:13)
Yes.

Well, thank you so much for sharing your story, Mara. If there is anything, as we kind of wrap up our conversation, what is something, maybe like a little tidbit of advice for maybe someone who is thinking about sober curiosity or just reevaluating their relationship with alcohol, if that means like a sober chapter or

a sober month, whatever that looks like for that person. What is kind of a little bit, a little piece of a little nugget of advice that you would maybe give someone who's even thinking about taking that step?

Mara DeMauro (29:55)
Mm First of all, I would say give yourself a fucking huge hug and high five for coming for even coming to a place of being so brave to do something that really goes against the norm. And to know that you're not alone and wanting to show up and feel better and do better, not just for yourself, but for others. And that that's a group. This is like a great starting point and

You know, also, just to like try, like know that it's not like you fail or you win. It's just a growing, evolving process. And if you can find someone that can help you through that process, because information alone just doesn't cut it. We have information everywhere, information over.

Renee Adams (30:36)
Mm.

overload.

Mara DeMauro (30:54)
We GBT, have YouTube, we have Google, we have social. There's so much valuable stuff out there, which is amazing. But information alone doesn't actually keep us accountable for making the changes we want to make. And so whether it's with me, whether it's with you, Renee, whether it's someone else you've come across, whether it's a community-based thing, whatever it is, find people who can help you through the transition.

Renee Adams (30:58)
so much. Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (31:24)
because that's what's gonna make the difference and help you stick with consistency and have the accountability and just give yourself grace along the way because it's a big chapter and it's a beautiful one.

Renee Adams (31:40)
Yeah, yes, for sure. Well, where, so where can people find you if they have more questions or on social media, where can they find you?

Mara DeMauro (31:50)
Yeah, definitely. You can follow me on the gram at Mara DiMaro and my website as well, Maradimaro.com. And we will link that.

Renee Adams (32:03)
Sick. Yeah, we will link that in the little description here.

You can find me on Instagram at Coach underscore Radams. And then with my website as well, it's reneadabscoaching.com. All right, y'all, well, thank you guys so much. And until next time, peace.

Mara DeMauro (32:23)
So sweet.

Pink.