Renee's Story: Reclaiming My Identity Beyond Alcohol

Welcome Nosedive Episode #2, where we dive deep into Renee's journey of sober curiosity and the powerful transformation that comes with rethinking our relationship with alcohol. Join us as we explore how alcohol was once Renee's core part of her identity and the shift she made in both her thoughts and behaviors to break free from its grip.

We'll talk about the pivotal role that friendship and accountability have played in this process, and how finding new tools and support systems outside of traditional approaches like AA has been integral in realigning Renee's actions with her goals. She will share how she cultivated a renewed passion for life, rediscovered her sense of purpose, and what it’s truly like on the other side of this journey—where wellness and authenticity are front and center.

Whether you're sober-curious, looking for fresh alternatives, or seeking inspiration to shift your own relationship with alcohol, this episode offers insights into the power of change and the beauty of finding your own path to a fulfilled, vibrant life.

IG: @marademauro
Website: www.marademauro.com

IG: @coach_radams
Website: www.reneeadamscoaching.com

Email us: nosedivethepod@gmail.com

Transcript

Mara DeMauro (00:18)
Let's dive in. So I'm excited today because this is a two part series, sort of. We started this podcast. This is our second episode. So woohoo! And our first episode, I shared a little bit about my experience and why I decided to embrace a sober curious lifestyle and a little bit about my journey. So today,

Renee Adams (00:20)
Let's go!

Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (00:47)
our other host, Renee, we are going to focus on her journey and like how she got to where she is today and where she's going and learn some tips and tricks along the way. So, sweet, excited to be here. Renee, this is, it's cool because this is just like a full circle moment. We,

Renee Adams (01:02)
Cool. Sounds good.

Totally.

Mara DeMauro (01:17)
as you mentioned in the last episode, that we met in grad school over 10 years ago and our friendship was there through school and whatnot. And we kept in contact. And then I went to a wedding. I went to my first wedding sober. I went to a wedding for the first time sober. And you reached out and you're like, oh my gosh, how did you do that?

Renee Adams (01:36)
Hahaha

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (01:47)
and you were my very first coaching client. And now you are a Sober Curious coach yourself. And like, it's just like this full circle thing. So let's dive into how that all unfolded for you. Where did this start?

Renee Adams (01:56)
Yes.

Yeah, totally. first, yeah, just having this friendship with you, I think it's so cool in itself because I think a lot of the times just with how people are these days, these days, I feel so old saying that, you know, don't have relationships like this and friendships with people who last this long. So, you know, it's just funny with

divine timing and or timing in general and how you went on your journey and seeing everything that you went through kind of thrust me into the same sort of journey or even asking that same question. And now we're both here. It's just it's it's really cool to look back on our friendship and how far we both come in our own lives and where we were and where we are now. But yeah, dude. So I man, how far do you want to go back? I

grew up in a household that had alcohol around for sure. You know, my dad's side of the family is all French Canadian and my mom's side are all Scandinavian Norwegians. I feel like, you know, kind of set up for heavy drinkers for sure. You know, I played division one lacrosse, went, you know, to college did kind of

all of the things that you're kind of supposed to do to be a successful person in society, going to school, going to college, getting my degree, getting a job, getting married, kind of doing all of those, I don't want to say robotic things, because I think it works out for a lot of people and it's worked out for me too. But I think through that whole process,

I didn't know how to process my emotions without alcohol. So when I saw that you were able to go, like I was saying in the last episode, an entire weekend, especially a wedding, sober, I was just like, holy shit, how do you do that? How is that even possible? Because I think up until that point,

you know, my identity was very much surrounded by alcohol. Like alcohol was the focal, you know, I was known as the mimosa woman. Like on the weekends, I'm always going to bring champagne. I'm always going to be the one who brings the mimosa or the wine. And so for me, alcohol was a huge part of my identity. And it's also how I

built my own relationships, especially with my father. That's how we bonded was over wine. And so this new concept of not being, I don't want to say not being sober, because sober curious, you are of course removing and reducing alcohol, but just the new idea that you don't have to go to AA really like struck a chord with me.

because for me, the only option that I thought that there was was AA. And if it was AA, does that mean that I have a problem? So after seeing that, and then in conjunction with trying to really hone in on my nutrition, that was kind of what thrust me into trying to find a coach. You know, I was looking at

my life and again, was a collegiate athlete turned into, know, I loved working out. I still do love the wellness track of things, you know, dialing into my nutrition was something that I really wanted to do because I wasn't reaching my goals. And so I hired a nutrition coach and that put things into perspective because I was logging everything that I was eating and drinking. And I realized that

I was moving food around to make sure I was able to drink. And that for me was sort of a wake up call because I'm like, okay, I don't know. It just didn't feel right to me. Seeing it in front of my face, not only how much calorically I was drinking, but just the sheer amount, know, something like

15 to 20 drinks a week.

I was like, ⁓ shit, no, no, no, like no wonder you're not reaching your goals. But I also didn't have the tools, like the underlying areas of maybe why I was drinking that way. And so I felt like it was hard for me in the beginning to remove the alcohol because it came back to myself. Like, why can't I have just one? Why is it that I can't, you know,

Okay, it's a struggle for me to put in my nutrition, fitness pal, whatever it is, to just put one glass of wine. That was very difficult for me. And so when we started having our conversations about sober curiosity and your journey and sort of what you were doing as a coach, we've talked about this so many times and I'll never forget this conversation.

and I was going for my walk, you called me, again, perfect timing, you called me to talk about how you were starting your business, you're becoming a Sober Curious coach, and if I would like to work with you. And I just had this huge red flag of hesitation for myself because I knew that I would have to be honest with you and with myself.

about how much I was actually drinking. And that scared the absolute shit out of me because I had tried so many times before to reduce on my own unsuccessfully. And I still can't understand why. I have discipline. I feel like I have a good mindset. I'm like, what is this thing? And so when we had this conversation,

I remember you always, you were telling me, I was talking as if I was already going to fail. I was like, well, what if this doesn't work out for me? And you responded with, how do you know this if you even tried it yet? And that just struck a huge chord with me because I was like, you're right. I'm literally sabotaging myself.

into thinking that I can't do this when I haven't even tried. And yeah, I went all in. was like, fuck it.

Mara DeMauro (09:33)
And just

to differentiate for people who are listening, because you mentioned that you've tried before, but the difference is that you tried alone, not with someone.

Renee Adams (09:38)
Yeah.

Correct.

Correct. Yeah, 100%. And I think it was because I, you know, doing it on my own, I think there was that lack of admission that there was something deeper going on, you know, and me wanting to do it on my own, I, it's because I didn't want to ask for help.

I just didn't want to do it. And I think it also makes it real when you say it out loud and not only admit it to yourself, but when you're working with someone else, because you have a soundboard, you have someone who you can bounce these ideas off of and have a different perspective outside of yourself. But that's also very scary because you're in a very vulnerable state of

admitting to yourself that there are things that you need to work on. So yeah, that's a very long winded way to say that, you know, I came from a background very competitive, very disciplined, also a lot of alcohol around that it was something that was very normal. But it came to a point to where I started feeling like absolute shit and didn't understand why I couldn't reach this level of happiness that I knew that I should have had.

because I checked off all of those boxes of what you're supposed to do. And so when I finally got to work with you, it started, man, dude, started unveiling some really, it's just so many aha moments for me on making sense of why I behaved the way I did, still do.

Mara DeMauro (11:20)
What?

Renee Adams (11:34)
why I was reaching for alcohol and just being, like I said, being honest with myself and starting to change little habits to start aligning and doing the actions to align with a person that I actually wanted to be. And when you start fitting those things in those holes, like the square and the square and the round and the round and things start making more sense,

Mara DeMauro (11:52)
Yeah.

Renee Adams (12:02)
It's a really, really empowering, cool feeling to not have your identity linked with alcohol because I, as a person, am so much more than the alcohol.

Mara DeMauro (12:18)
Absolutely, we all are. And I think too, it's interesting how you bring up, you know, you're like, wow, it's such a long winded explanation. But one of like one of my favorite exercises to do as a coach is to guide people through that process of, okay, let's look at what that storyline and timeline of your involvement with alcohol, what has that actually looked like? What are all the things?

Renee Adams (12:42)
Yeah, because nobody has

really asked, like, who is gonna ask you that question?

Mara DeMauro (12:47)
Yeah, and we realized that, wow, there's so much more here than we actually have stopped to actually think about. And yeah, like we mentioned, it's like an onion. There's things to pull back. There's so many layers. And you just realize how much it is part of our lives from very young children age up and through our and through.

Renee Adams (13:14)
Well, and it's like the matrix. Like once you know it's there, you can't unsee it. You can't unknow these things. So, yeah, I mean, it's been a very cool, fun journey learning more about myself, learning to like you have to unlearn a lot of things. And that just comes back to behavior and small practices and things that can feel very overwhelming at first. But I think

the benefits of having someone on your side. You mentioned it in our last episode of either having a support system or someone that you tell, whether that's a community or hiring a coach, having someone there not only for accountability, but to meet you where you are. Because I think a lot of the times when, at least when I was searching for a coach, it was more like

tell me what to do to make me feel better. And it doesn't necessarily work that way. That's why I loved, yeah, working with you because I, of course, know you and I've known you. So maybe that like allowed us to get a little deeper, a little quicker. But I think the fact that you met me where I was made a huge impact because you're not telling me.

to do a certain thing to get this end result. You know what I mean? It's really almost like a guidepost to allow you as an individual to get there on your own. And that is what is gonna be lasting. Because yes, now I have the tools because of your support to be able to do this on my own and be confident and go to the next level and

try new goals and okay, well, here's like a, you know, it's more of a guiding sort of light versus you giving me a whole bunch of shit to do, which equals this result.

Mara DeMauro (15:24)
Totally. And it's sustainable. And that's the key is we want, you you want to feel, we all have that inner wisdom and everything it takes for us to do the things we want to do. It lives in us. know, I just sometimes we just need a little guidance. mean, I, you know, I've mentioned this before. I have therapists, I have coaches, I have spiritual mentors, I have

Renee Adams (15:27)
Yes, yeah.

Yes.

Yes.

Mara DeMauro (15:54)
I have friends, have family, I have so much support of people who help keep moving me along, you know? And no one can do it for me. I'm the one who has to take the action to make these changes and to do the things. But without them, I guarantee you, I wouldn't be doing any of the things I ever wanted to do.

Renee Adams (16:01)
Yes.

Yeah, yeah, and I think too, through the process is just uncovering and learning new ways to be the best version of yourself that, like you said, has always been there. It's just been numbed out a little bit, you know? And so, kind of waking up to this new way of living,

has been so refreshing in so many ways. Because I just remember being like, okay, what are my hobbies? Like, what do I even like to do? If someone were to ask me when I was drinking, you know, okay, well, what do you like to do outside of work? And it would literally be like, work, working out, going out, eating and drinking. Like that was it. And so to me, I was like, ugh.

That doesn't sound right. I'm more than that. I know that I like other things, but what are they? I was very lost. had no real sense of purpose, especially coming out of a college setting where I'm good at that. I'm good at school. I'm good at direction. I'm good at when people...

Mara DeMauro (17:17)
You

Renee Adams (17:45)
tell me a certain thing to do. It's someone else telling me what to do. I'm good at those things. And so when you start removing the one thing that kind of numbs all of that and all of the chatter and all the anxiety, it's scary. But it's been such a fun experiment and process in getting to learn who I am as a person.

And it's so empowering, it's so cool. Like, I knew as a kid, I was so confident, no one could fucking tell me what to do. And then you get to that point, you're like, no, someone tell me what to do. It's like, no, dude, like, I wanna be that little girl who was like, let me tell you what we're gonna do. This is what I like to do. And so just kind of getting back to that part of myself that,

Mara DeMauro (18:37)
Yeah.

Renee Adams (18:44)
like you said, has always been there. It's just life getting in the way of things and how society tells you to be successful. You gotta do X, Y, Z. And there's just so many other ways to find the happiness, to find your purpose, to feel like you're actually fucking doing something in this world that like sets you on fire.

Yeah, and for me, that was reducing and almost completely removing alcohol from my life. I can really attest it to that. There's no fucking way I'd be sitting here doing a podcast, starting my own business, like trying to do some things outside of work that seems so far-fetched that I could have never imagined for myself.

Mara DeMauro (19:38)
Yeah. And as your friend first and coach, I am just in awe of watching you go through this and also going through it simultaneously on my own journey. And I'm so proud of you because it takes a lot of courage to do something that is scary.

Renee Adams (19:43)
Yeah.

Mmm.

Yes.

Mmm.

Mara DeMauro (20:08)
that is hard and that's why we're here. You know, is to show other people that yes, it's hard, yes, it's scary and we can still do this. Like, absolutely 100 % and it's so worth it. I've never ever regretted not waking up hungover.

Renee Adams (20:25)
Dude, there's so many times now where I like look back at what I did to my body that I just wanna say I'm sorry for. You know, the stuff that I put myself through mentally, physically, I think emotionally with, you know, my relationships with people, the embarrassment, the shame.

just these spirals that I would get myself into and it's all self-inflicted. To be able to now wake up on my second New Year's Day not being violently hung over is amazing. It's so amazing and as you said, you'll never not regret having too much to drink. So I think it's just, it's a whole new perspective on life and it...

makes me realize that these things are a possibility. And like you said, too, I think it's very scary because mentally for us to make sense of things, the all or nothing is present to protect you from pain. That's all we want to do as humans is to protect ourselves from the embarrassment, from the pain, from the shame. We want to shield ourselves from that.

So that is where that all or nothing mentality comes from because we put these things in those boxes for it to make sense for us when there's just so much more outside of that. And when you start pushing those limits and getting out of your comfort zone, it is fucking uncomfortable. Like it is a hundred percent non-alcoholic wine does not taste the same as regular wine. Okay. These alternatives

aren't the exact same, but I think that's for, that's its own purpose. You're removing these things to better yourself, to better your life, to live well, to live long, and to shine a light, be that beacon for someone else. And that's something too that I think that I've found through this process is like, I've always loved hyping other people up.

I am, you wanna do this thing? Let's fucking go. Like I will sit there and hype you up all day. And so to be able to be in this space now and help others through that same process of like, okay, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. There are gray area drinkers. You can have a sober chapter. You can do all of these things.

Mara DeMauro (22:55)
What?

Renee Adams (23:16)
is so fulfilling on so many different levels that I can't even, I don't think I can put that into words. And it's like a chain reaction. Like when you're hyped, someone else is gonna be hyped and that person is put, you know, so this kind of level of fulfillment I did not think was possible and it only continues.

Mara DeMauro (23:40)
Mm-hmm.

We live a rich life.

Renee Adams (23:46)
Dude, it's so cool. It's like I was so doom, a little doom and gloom. I still had a little doom and gloom. Like that's normal. I still live in the shadows a little bit. I think we all kind of have to have that balance, but I can tell you right fucking now that like there were some weekends that I would legit sit on the couch and wallow.

Mara DeMauro (23:53)
Yeah.

Renee Adams (24:15)
and why I wasn't where I was supposed to be. Why me? And go through like two bottles of wine by myself. It's like no wonder nobody's gonna feel good after two bottles of wine.

Mara DeMauro (24:29)
Yeah, yeah. And I think I, one of my coaches, mentors, I heard him say this before. And I really, I'm just like, oh, it's so good that, you know, when you stop drinking or indulging in substances or, you know, pull back from any toxic habit, you know, people are like, oh yeah, like, you're going to feel better and you're going to feel everything better.

Renee Adams (24:55)
Mm.

Mara DeMauro (24:58)
You're going to feel the highs and you're going to feel the lows and everything in between. And it's like, you're actually going to be feeling and observing what it's like to be a human because we are meant to feel. Feelings are good. You know, the shadow aspects or these like heavier emotions or like anxiousness. It's telling us something. We're supposed to feel that, you know, there are warning signs, there are guiding posts, there are all of this in, in

Renee Adams (24:58)
Mmm.

Mmm.

Right.

Yes.

Yeah. Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (25:29)
The thing with alcohol is it numbs us and it blocks us off from that. So we can't truly hone in and understand what is meant for us or where we truly want to go. we don't, so it blocks us off from that soulful clarity. And so when we give ourselves just space, know, just space and the longer and the bigger that space is for that substance, the deeper you can connect with your body and that wisdom and your intuition.

Renee Adams (25:52)
Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (25:58)
and really live that like passionate and purposeful life and understand that yes, I'm gonna feel the ups and I'm gonna feel the downs and you know how to navigate them because you have the tools, you have the emotional capacity and maturity to do that. And that is priceless.

Renee Adams (26:14)
Right. Yeah. I think it translates.

Yeah. And it translates to, and I think that's the other thing that like we touched upon a little bit is that it touches so many other aspects of your life. You know, it's not just about the alcohol. It's proving to yourself that you are doing the thing that you're going to say that you're going to do.

And like you said, when it comes to working out, when it comes to hitting PRs, when it goes to wanting to get that promotion at work or climb that corporate ladder, if that is something that you want to do, all of that does come back to aligning your actions to the person that you want to be. And when you remove the alcohol and you do the damn thing with that, you can do that in so many other areas of your life.

you know, whether it's eating, whether it's, ⁓ you know, stuff with relationship or love. ⁓ there's just so many other aspects that it touches upon, which is why I think it is so what's another word for cool? Like, it's just like, it's profound. It's so profound because it's something that is infinite in you becoming a better person.

Mara DeMauro (27:31)
It's profound.

Yeah, you learn so many transferable skills. It doesn't just apply to one area of your life. like freaking jumpstarts and electrifies so many different aspects of your life. It's like, I truly believe if you want to excel, like push the Excel button on your life, it's like remove the alcohol and see what happens. remove the alcohol and do the inner deeper work and see what happens.

Renee Adams (27:41)
⁓ yeah.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yes. And then

see what happens. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I think too, like understanding, finding other people's stories, the community aspect of like, I didn't even know that this community existed of people. And then when you open that door and the people that you start and may have already looked up to and you find out that they've been sober for 10 years or that they are sober curious people,

you're just like, oh shit, like we're in the same lane. We are in the same lane. And that is just like a catalyst to, like you said, jumpstart the life that you wanna live. And I'm grateful for it.

Mara DeMauro (28:51)
Totally.

Absolutely every day. you have any words of advice for people who are contemplating whether or not to take the dive or not?

Renee Adams (28:54)
Yeah, or a day.

Yeah, for sure. think one, yes. Say yes, go for it. Doesn't matter, don't even think about if you're gonna fail or not. It's not a pass or fail situation. It's gaining the confidence to look into things that are deeper. I think it's an experiment. We've talked about that before. I think any advice that I could give is just, it's say yes.

You know, go for it and see what happens. I can guarantee, and this is a 100 % guarantee that you will only gain from removing or reevaluating your relationship with alcohol. 100%.

Mara DeMauro (29:53)
Absolutely. And something that I love to share too is you, like you mentioned earlier, like you can't forget what you learn. And the same goes with this, like, okay, cool. Say you remove alcohol just for a little bit. You know, that literally will live inside of you forever. Cause you'll know then, okay, I did that for X amount of days this time. I know I can do that. Like just keep saying yes to yourself. Keep listening to that.

Renee Adams (30:02)
Mm.

Mara DeMauro (30:23)
voice in your head and your heart that's telling you, do that. Let's do that. You know, follow that. Yeah.

Renee Adams (30:30)
Yeah, don't worry

about anything else. If there's something that is nudging you to it, whatever it is, run, run, run to it. Say yes and go for it.

Mara DeMauro (30:38)
Run! Run for it! Yeah, Do

you have anything else that you'd like to say about your journey?

Renee Adams (30:52)
Man, I'm just, I'm grateful. Like I am just very, very one honored to be able to have this experience, have you as a coach, have you as a friend, a mentor. I'm just very grateful for this life. And I was not in that same head space two years ago. So just grateful and it's all within y'all.

It's all within y'all.

Mara DeMauro (31:22)
Yep,

totally. I love it. And where can everyone find you?

Renee Adams (31:29)
Yes, so on Instagram you can find me at Coach underscore Radams and for my coaching, if you're looking at doing some one-on-one coaching, I have a couple packages available. I also have just a little seven day reset. If you mention the Nose Dive, I'll give you a 10 % discount off any of the packages there. That's Renee Adams coaching.com.

Mara DeMauro (31:56)
amazing. And I'm Mara DiMaro on Instagram and my website is Mara.

And we appreciate you all tuning in. Let us know. Send us a message. What do you want to hear? What do you want us to dive into? What are some challenges that you might be facing along this journey? And we're so excited to keep taking this journey with you all and providing content. We really want to bring value here that can help support you and empower you.

to live boldly like we say and to choose you and live authentically so that other people feel like they can do the same. So we hope you have a beautiful day. See you next time. Bye.

Renee Adams (32:41)
Hell yeah, dude.

Peace!