What is a Coach and How to Find One!

This episode is all about exploring the world of coaching, discussing its significance in personal development and tips on what to look for in your search. We share personal experiences with coaching, emphasizing the importance of transparency, accountability, and the client-coach dynamic. We discuss how to find the right coach, the expectations involved, and the resources available for those seeking coaching support. There is such a transformative power when it comes to coaching and the partnership it creates between the coach and the client.

Reminder - we have a free webinar Tues April 8th, more details can be found here:  https://siphappenworkshop.my.canva.site/

More details on the Curiosity Compass Coaching Program can be found here: www.reneeadamscoaching.com/lets-work-together  www.marademauro.com/thecuriositycompass

IG: @marademauro
Website: www.marademauro.com

IG: @coach_radams
Website: www.reneeadamscoaching.com

Email us: nosedivethepod@gmail.com

Transcript

Mara DeMauro (00:01)
Hello, hello and welcome back to Nosedive, the podcast where we get to talk about all the cool things around life when you embrace sober curiosity and what that means. I'm always excited to be here. Hello, Ne.

Renee Adams (00:14)
Hi. Hell yeah. I love that. Hell yeah. All right.

Mara DeMauro (00:16)
Haley, here we go.

Okay. So, ⁓ today we are talking about a topic that is pretty near and dear to my heart and my experience. And like, as a person who has sought out, support, ⁓ as well as someone who provides support and this

topic is all about the world of coaching. Like what is a coach? What's the point? How do you find one? You know, all of those things. We're really going to dive into that. Um, and before we do that, I'm going to kind of share a little story about why I feel like this conversation is so important. Um, and I think personally, I really, really value and appreciate transparency.

Renee Adams (00:50)
Mmm.

Mara DeMauro (01:14)
And I think that, you know, growing up, there's some spaces in my life through certain family members and stuff where I haven't received that. And so I really value that now, you know, like, like just tell me the truth and just be honest. I can handle that, but I don't know how to handle that if I don't know. You know, the transparency of the situation. So what has come up, you know, I'm friends with

different coaches and I've also been through different coaching programs as a client and have received support from other coaches. And I will say that like the first coaching program I ever signed up for was it was, it was 2000 bucks. And they were like, look, like we will, help you figure out what your purpose is. And I was so.

Renee Adams (02:10)
Mm.

Mara DeMauro (02:12)
resistant. I remember being on the call and now in retrospect, I probably will message them and be like, dude, like, I just have such a different perspective. I'm so sorry now, but I remember telling them, I was like, if you can help me figure out what my purpose is, like, I was like, I'll believe in miracles, but I don't ever think that's going to be possible for me. And they were just like,

Renee Adams (02:13)
Hmm.

Yeah.

Mmm.

Mara DeMauro (02:40)
Okay. You know, like they're like, promise you, like it will be, you know, it'll be beneficial, whatever. But I had so much resistance going into that program. And I would say I went through it with a lot of resistance. I wasn't open. And so my results were pretty narrow. And then like a whole year later, I felt more open and I had lifetime access to this program. So I went back and it totally changed my life. And so here we are.

Renee Adams (02:40)
Okay.

Mara DeMauro (03:09)
You know, ⁓ but even to expand on that, like that next year after that program was successful for me, I signed up for a $7,000 business coaching program to learn how to run a business. And I went in with this, with this belief that like,

yeah, this program has everything for me. I'm going to be super successful in three months. I'm going to be making six figures and I'm going to be helping all these people and. And I was like, I believed that that's what would happen for me. And like, did that happen? No, like it didn't. And so just, I really want to like have this conversation about what, what is coaching? Like in reality, like what is it for what to look out for?

Renee Adams (03:48)
Mmm, yeah.

Mara DeMauro (04:01)
what is a coach and like what's real, what's not.

Renee Adams (04:05)
Yeah, think, well, first of all, I didn't even know that about your first experience with a coach. So thanks for sharing that, because I had no idea. And it really does put things into perspective when you put forth the effort and the openness to these different programs, how the results that come out of that change based off of your mindset and how you go into these situations.

Mara DeMauro (04:29)
Mm-hmm.

Renee Adams (04:34)
When finding a coach or just what is a coach in general, in my mind, how I see myself and what I look for really is a guide. Because as a coach, yes, I can give you all of the tools and all of the techniques and all of these outlines. I have all of those resources. But if you as a person are not willing to open up

If you are not willing to put in the work, then of course it's not going to work. So a coach in my mind is really just someone who gives you the principles and is there as an accountability piece to really keep you in check and be like, hey, this is a soundboard. This is what we're trying to do. Let me help you guide yourself to your goals.

because I can give you all the tools, but if you're not gonna use them and if you're not gonna work towards making and building those changes, then nothing's going to change if you don't change. So I guess to answer the question in one word is really a guide and an accountability partner. What about you? What do you think?

Mara DeMauro (05:50)
Yeah. I mean, I second that a hundred percent. ⁓ I think too, like, you know, I think I see a lot of similarities and I think this is awesome. Even myself, like I have a therapist and I have a couple of coaches, you know, and I have like different community supports and, Differentiating those different resources. So.

Renee Adams (06:18)
Yes.

Mara DeMauro (06:18)
You know, like in my experience, anyway, my therapist, you know, we, it's more so just like this openness, a space for me to reflect and we do EMDR therapy. So, you know, she's not giving me advice on what to do and giving me specific like exercises to implement and then keeping me accountable to them.

It's just like more just like an open space just to be, you know, all there.

Renee Adams (06:53)
always seen therapy as more of like diving into the past and kind of uncovering maybe some very deep rooted things in your upbringing, in your childhood, in your past. And while coaching, yes, still touches upon that, we don't really necessarily get into maybe the...

I don't even want to say medical because it's not necessarily that, but it's not so much about breaking down those things in your past, but touching upon them in your present and different things that you can do towards success in your future as a coach.

Mara DeMauro (07:34)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's

an exactly. like, you know, I don't want to get too caught up in this conversation, but it is something that has been just kind of crossing my mind lately of like, you know, how, how long do I, cause I've been in therapy every single week for the past four years. And I personally feel like I'm coming to a point in that journey where I'm like, okay, I think I'm, I think I'm good at like revisiting those same past stories, like over and over again. ⁓

I think it's important. I've absolutely needed to do that to bring the subconscious to the conscious. ⁓ but our role as coaches is to anchor you in the present moment and figure out what you can do here and now to get you to where you want to be. And so I think they work beautifully together and I'm such a big advocate for, you know, both. ⁓ but there is, there is a difference. So it just depends like what you're looking for. Maybe you're looking for both and we fall more on the coach side.

Renee Adams (08:09)
Yes.

Yes.

Mara DeMauro (08:34)
Hehehe

Renee Adams (08:35)
Yeah. Yeah. And I think too, it's funny, I've never really made this correlation until recently about my own past in the amount of coaches that I had growing up in the sports space. Because while they are different, there is similarities. So I grew up with so many different coaches in terms of, especially lacrosse, because lacrosse ended up being my sport, but through ice hockey, through

through different travel teams that I was on for lacrosse, I've always had some type of coach in my life. And there's so much impact that they, each individual coach had on my life and different things that I took on in terms of my leadership skills and my communication skills, how I show up to practice, how I dealt with failures and losses and wins. So it's funny that I find myself

being a coach now because one, I've always been sort of coach in the sports realm throughout my entire life. I also was a youth Girls Lacrosse coach through those times as well, like through high school and college. And now to find myself in not only being coached through more of like a lifestyle type of, you know, types of changes, but now on the other side too, like being a coach and

and sharing those experiences with others is just kind of a funny correlation that I just made right now. Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (10:11)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Having a breakthrough, you know? And

I love that. And I think it goes back like I remember when I first started to be like, I want to be a I couldn't even say the word. was like a coach like me. Like, you know, put so much weight into this word when really so many people have coaching leadership qualities within them. And, you know,

Renee Adams (10:26)
Yeah, good. Yeah, yeah.

Mara DeMauro (10:40)
Looking back on my life, it's the same. People have always said things about how I've been there, able to support them and motivate them. Right.

Renee Adams (10:48)
Yeah, you mean you've been doing it

naturally for a long time, but it's now putting a label on it. Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (10:55)
Right. And sometimes that

label is like, my gosh, you know, so like, you know, there, we'll get into this too. Like there are different, you know, coaches that can have like certifications and then there's coaches who are just like purely lived experiences. know, together, Renee and I, I'm like mostly lived experiences. I've gone through some coaching training, but I don't have the quote unquote certifications where Renee has had both and she has certified, you know, gone through programs where she's

Renee Adams (11:15)
Yes.

Mara DeMauro (11:24)
technically quote unquote certified. And so it just like, I don't get, I guess I'm trying to say like, don't get too caught up in the labels, but see what truly resonates for you. Like look for people who have lived your, the life experience that you want to live.

Renee Adams (11:26)
Right.

Yeah, is that something that you look for when, you know, if you could give any tips maybe to listeners on when they're trying to look for their own coach? I know that there's so many different options out there just depending on what your specific goals are, but what do you look for when you're looking for a coach or wanting to sign up with a coach?

Mara DeMauro (12:05)
Yeah. So I think the first thing was realizing like, okay. Like I'm not a unicorn as in like, I'm not the first person who wants to do X, but it's hard to do, you know? So there are so many other people who have already traveled that path that I am interested in traveling and I'm all about being efficient and resourceful. I think it's important for me to.

experience it myself. That's like super important, but I want to do that. Like, while I have someone who's there to like guide me and support me and give me feedback and help bounce ideas off. So I look for someone that I resonate with, like my values, my own personal experience. ⁓ for example, right now I'm working with a wellness coach and he lives in Australia. He's super into like, like

just living a easeful lifestyle and nourishing the body with very hydrating foods that bring, know, that it just creates more ease in your life, you know, less energy going down to breaking down all of these complex foods that we put into our systems. And that has just been something that has been slowly gaining interest in my life. And I've been wanting to bring in more foods that are packed with energy. And that's like,

Renee Adams (13:29)
Mm.

Mara DeMauro (13:30)
food from the ground. And I found him one day and I was just like, my gosh, like I really appreciate his lifestyle. I really identify with what he's saying. ⁓ and then one day he talked about a coaching program that he was going to host and I was like, cool. I, I think I could like learn from him. I'd like to do that. And so that's how I personally went about it. What about you?

Renee Adams (13:53)
I agree. I think when I'm looking for a coach, I have to have a sense of being able to resonate with their journey. Maybe not entirely, but I think there are elements that I look for, that I can see in my own life. Like, I went through or am going through something like that, but I see them on the other side of it. So I think that's what I look for. Also just like...

their personality and their energy and sort of the vibe that they kind of bring to the table. I know that's not a very tangible way to look for a coach, but I think the elements and how you feel when you are looking and doing the research really does come back to how those interactions are going to be. You want it to be somewhat easy, but for me, I

I like to see it like, is that sparking something in me that lights a fire under my ass? Because for me, I like to be pushed. I like to be challenged. There's a certain ease that I do want from that connection with the coach. However, I want someone to push me past my limits because...

if I didn't have this coach, then I would be where I am right now. I want to do something different because if you don't do something different, you're going to stay stagnant. I want a coach that is going to keep me accountable, be honest with me about maybe what they're seeing with my actions and being transparent, but also to push me a little bit. Be like, hey, you know what? You've been doing really good or some of these things have been challenging for you.

Mara DeMauro (15:23)
Mm-hmm.

Renee Adams (15:43)
what can we do differently in this situation that's going to elevate you and get you to the next level? And a lot of the times, you can't necessarily see that off of a coaching page necessarily. So looking through reviews, seeing different people's stories, seeing how their experiences may or may not resonate with you. And then of course, too, just having a conversation if that's available, like having that rapport with

someone who you're gonna be trusting and investing in, having that conversation, I think is very important.

Mara DeMauro (16:20)
Yeah, I a hundred percent agree. And, you know, going back to like you were saying, it's not very like a tangible thing to know, you know, but I'm like, no, that's so important because like, if there's a,

Renee Adams (16:36)
There's a reason. if you're like,

ugh, it's like, ugh, that doesn't feel right to me, then the whole thing's not gonna feel right.

Mara DeMauro (16:44)
Right, right, like listen to your instincts, you know, and everyone, like, okay, obviously we are in the sober curiosity realm and our energy looks different from someone else's energy, know, energy who's gone on the same path because they have different life experiences, but the core is still the same. And so it's like, just listen to what resonates with you and not everything is gonna resonate with you and that's okay. And then.

Also, gosh, you just brought it up like, oh, like looking for understanding the dynamics of like a coach and your responsibility. Like, you know, a coach, a good coach is gonna show up for you 100 % and give their all and their attention and they're gonna be with you there. They're gonna guide you, they're gonna support you, they're gonna, you know, push you in a healthy way.

Renee Adams (17:25)
Mm.

Mara DeMauro (17:42)
And your role as a client is to like show up to and do the work because we can't, no one can, this was a hard lesson for me. No one can save me from me. Someone can be there and reflect back to me and help, know, nudge me this way, nudge me that way, but they can't come in and do the work for me. And dude, I was.

Renee Adams (17:55)
Mm. Yes. Yes.

Mara DeMauro (18:09)
Sometime I'm like almost getting fired, fired up thinking about it. I'm like, that's so annoying. Like I have to do this. Like I have to feel these emotions. I have to work through this. Like I'm fucking pissed, man. Like, you know, so just know that as coaches, we are here to support and believe in you a hundred percent until you believe in yourself a hundred percent. Cause you'll get there. You know, you just have to believe you can.

Renee Adams (18:14)
Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah, that's a hard realization for the client sometimes, as you said, because when we're looking for coaches sometimes, or at least maybe in the initial stages of looking for solutions, we want something that is instantly gratifying. Take this thing, do this journal, read this book.

and your problems will be fixed. That's not how it works. It's just not how it works. And if you are coming into a situation where you're wanting a coach to do that for you, then you're gonna be disappointed.

Mara DeMauro (19:21)
Yeah, a hundred percent. And I will say like,

you know, there's, there's marketing, you know, so we want to, you know, of course you're going to see the things that you want to see and like, cause that it's, just, it's a strategy to help people find the resources they're looking for. However, I think sometimes we kind of like forget that or don't know that. And we're like, my gosh. Yeah. Like if I do this six month program, or if I do this three month program,

Renee Adams (19:30)
Yes.

Mara DeMauro (19:54)
I'm going to be fixed. And it's like, yo, yo, this, this isn't just like, we just don't fix. Like that's not the point of this. This point is to like, understand this is like a lifelong journey and we're giving you all the resources and tools to be able to cope and navigate with life. matter what time frame, what space you're in, ⁓ that will always be supportive for you. And like, I think also looking for whether some coaches are going to be more hands on or hands off.

Or like maybe they're in the middle somewhere because my personal approach is like, I'm to be there to support you like during our sessions, a hundred percent. And I want to empower you to show up. Like if you have questions, if you need support to ask for that, because it is, we're not here to like, kind of like baby you and hold your hand. That doesn't do you of service. That's, that's the kind of the opposite.

We're working on building up that confidence and reassurance within yourself to say, Hey, you know, to have that awareness, Hey, I'm feeling like this. I need to, I would like to talk to you about this. You know, can we go over this Mara? Perfect. Let's do it. I'm there for you.

Renee Adams (21:07)
Yeah, and a hard lesson that I learned too is we're not mind readers. Your coaches, the people that you interact with, they cannot read your mind. So yes, while we're here, as you said, to support, to provide the resources, to provide all the foundations, I can't sit here on a call and understand your thoughts until you voice them to me.

So going into these things with, if you have expectations, have that conversation. If you go into this coaching realm and you're hiring a coach and you have all this whole long list of expectations in your mind that you have not told your coach on what you're trying to get out of this, and then that breeds frustration and that breeds maybe even a little resentment.

Ultimately just being challenged and being like, okay, well this coach isn't right for me. And it's like, well, did you even talk about what exactly the expectations are? So I think having that sense of openness to be a student and to learn is just gonna help you in the long run and just being vocal about what it is that you are looking to take away from this experience.

Mara DeMauro (22:25)
Yeah. And I think too, it can be frustrating because I know some people who have gone through these experiences where they have been vocal, you know, they've expressed their expectations and they still feel like they didn't, it wasn't worth the quote unquote investment that they made. And that can be extremely frustrating. And like the truth is like, you just have to use your best judgment and discernment, like whether or not you should go.

with one coach versus the other and just really listen to yourself. Cause most times and not, if you're feeling about it, then maybe it's not the right fit. Maybe it's not the right time and yeah, just listen.

Renee Adams (23:04)
There's always that element of risk when you're going into a new situation. So always trust your gut. But there's also a difference between fear and knowing that maybe this is not the right fit. It's not always that clear, but just keep that in mind too. Like, are you just fearful because you don't want to look at yourself in the mirror and your actions and have that mirrored back to you?

Or is it really just like, don't vibe with this coach. I don't really agree with all the things that they're doing. So I think there is a distinction there, but yeah, there's always that element of risk of jumping into an investment that comes back and you're like, damn, that was not what I wanted it to be at all. But even through that, and this is something that my grandfather always taught me, is no decision is a bad decision.

Mara DeMauro (23:51)
Yeah. Yeah.

Renee Adams (24:01)
you're always going to take away some kind of lesson, whether it works out in your favor or not. So just keeping that in mind too, that you're always going to gain something even if it's, you your expectations weren't met.

Mara DeMauro (24:13)
And I even want to expand on that. Like the only bad decision is no decision. Like just, just staying in like purgatory, you know, because you have to, you have to do something to like have your environment respond in a way. like, I've gone through some coaching programs where I'm like, ⁓ man, like I definitely didn't show up a hundred percent and give it my all. So I didn't walk away with, you know, a lot, but I took accountability of that.

Renee Adams (24:18)
is no decision. Yes!

Mara DeMauro (24:43)
Um, from a student client perspective. And then there's been times where I'm like, you know, I, I feel like I was like, promise some things that didn't necessarily happen. And I also still found value in the program. Um, so. If I do think like, if you're open, you will find value and that's, know, Renee and I are here and like, we just.

Renee Adams (24:58)
Yes.

Mara DeMauro (25:10)
You know, we're launching our group program and we're super excited about it. And we're, you know, sharing this with, with you in transparency so that you know what to look for. You know, if you're thinking about taking a sober curious journey, you know, here's a little bit about our styles. Like this is what we believe in. This is, know, everything we've learned and what, what we see as coaching and what we've appreciated and, um, how we want to show up and how we do show up for our clients.

Renee Adams (25:36)
Yeah, and I think ultimately for both of us as coaches is we strive to empower you because we've been empowered through our own journeys, working with our own coaches, and we want that same outcome for you. Just talking about it gets me so just lit because there's all the things that I've uncovered through my own journey and working with my own coaches throughout my life.

I've just uncovered so many beautiful things about life and just reaching different heights that I never thought was possible for someone like me. And so all of that, I want to light that in somebody else. I want to be like, look at everything that you're doing. You're fucking killing it. Let's take it to the next level. Like, let's kick it up a notch because I know for a fact,

like a guarantee that when you do this type of work, there are so many benefits that come from it because I experienced it myself.

Mara DeMauro (26:44)
Yeah, a hundred percent. And yeah, we're just, we're just here to support. And there really is like, it's just like the most rewarding gift because I always say like, I'm constantly learning with clients too. You know, like I'm here cheering you on, helping you like have these breakthroughs.

And through you doing that, I'm learning so much too. And it's really this, you know, it's, it's not, it's a part, it's a partnership. And that's what, like when you're speaking or looking for, ⁓ coaches to work with, just remember that it is a partnership. You, it, you ask questions, they ask questions, get to know each other. You know, is this something you want to invest in? Is this partnership feel good for you?

Renee Adams (27:21)
It's a partnership.

Yeah. Yeah. How are some ways that you did some research? I mean, for me, it was a little, how do I explain it? I mean, you're one of my best friends. So it's like you, you actually reached out in a time that I actually really needed it. So the synchronicities there, sometimes it kind of just falls in your lap to kind of find the right coach. But what do you think are some ways that people can maybe start that, that research?

Mara DeMauro (28:12)
Yeah. I mean, obviously you can do like your typical like Google search, but, and I mean, even further than that, like, I feel like social media is just like where it is. You know, you, you look on Instagram or Tik TOK or whatever, or ask friends, ask Facebook groups. Um, but it is, it can take a lot, know, it's just like when you're looking for a doctor or a dentist or something like that, but this is a little bit more of an intimate relationship. You're not just going to the dentist, you know, you're going to the dentist once every six months or whatever.

Renee Adams (28:21)
Yeah.

Right?

Mara DeMauro (28:42)
this is someone you're going to be working with like hand on hand. They're going to know your life pretty intimately. So you want to feel really good about that. so, mean, honestly, I've found my coaches like through Instagram and I just like look through all their content, ⁓ have conversations with them, read their testimonials, ask, you know, the questions that like, cause it depends, like if I'm looking for a business coach, I really need like that one-on-one hand holding like.

Renee Adams (28:55)
Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (29:11)
really like that. If I'm looking for something right now in my health journey, I'm pretty solid on like the foods I want to eat now and the foods I feel good for me. I'm just more so looking for kind of like an opportunity to get some like feedback and observe someone else who's like taking it just a notch up, you know, so really understanding where you are on your journey and what you need. And then finding someone who you resonate with.

Renee Adams (29:21)
Mm.

Yeah, I think another way too that I've found that's a little different, I guess, is if you do tend to read more or read books, if there are certain self-help books that you really like, usually at the end of those books, there's like resources or there's different opportunities to maybe find different certifications or different...

classes or things like that, which I didn't really know was a thing. So if you are an avid reader, a lot of the times at the end of those books, there are some type of resource if they do offer any kind of coaching. I did find one about neuroscience because it's been really hard finding some kind of class or course around neuroplasticity actually. in one of the books that I'm reading right now,

Mara DeMauro (30:15)
Mm.

Hmm.

Renee Adams (30:27)
there is actually a certification, which I found through the end, know, reading through the end of that book. So that's kind of another maybe untapped resource if you are looking for different courses or maybe different coaches, availabilities and whatnot.

Mara DeMauro (30:36)
Yeah.

Yeah, I love that. That's such a good tip for sure. Sweet. Well, yeah, I think that wraps it up, ⁓ regarding just kind of like what to look for. ⁓ if you're interested in working with a coach and what to expect, nay, any last thoughts around that or.

Renee Adams (31:00)
No,

I don't think so. I think that pretty much rounds everything up. know, we do, I do want to do our little plug here. So we do have a free webinar coming up on Tuesday, April 8th. And this is where we just go into Sober Curiosity a little more about what we're offering for our six month group coaching program. So I'll put some more details on that in the show notes.

as well as our six month group coaching program. It's a dual coach approach that we have, you know, just your journey about sober curiosity and really just uncovering and finding clarity and confidence in your own journey. So I'll put some more information in the show notes about that as well. What else you got going on, Mara?

Mara DeMauro (31:44)
That's it. You can follow along on the journey on my Instagram at Mara DiMaro. And for you, Nae, where can people find you?

Renee Adams (31:52)
can find me on Instagram at Coach underscore Radams.

Mara DeMauro (31:57)
All right, Radams. Okay, I

hope you all have a beautiful week. Thank you so much for tuning in and let us know if you have any questions, any feedback, any topics you want to hear. You can always give us a shout on our podcast email. We look forward to seeing you next time. See ya. Bye.

Renee Adams (32:09)
All right, y'all, until next time, bye.