Live Life in the Moment! Um, but how?

In this episode of Nosedive, we explore the complexities of being present in the moment. We talk about the challenges of mental distractions, the importance of connection, and various methods to cultivate mindfulness. Our conversation delves into personal experiences, the significance of joy, and the balance between action and patience in navigating life's pressures. Ultimately, we encourage listeners to embrace your unique journeys and find what works for you in achieving a more present and fulfilling life.

IG: @marademauro
Website: www.marademauro.com

IG: @coach_radams
Website: www.reneeadamscoaching.com

Email us: nosedivethepod@gmail.com

Transcript

Renee Adams (00:01)
Hello, hello, welcome back to Nosedive, the podcast. Hey Mara. ⁓ I'm so excited to like see you. We haven't, you know, we've been talking here and there, but to see you quote unquote, not really in person, but kind of in person. Yeah, it just feels really nice to see your face. Yeah. Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (00:06)
Hey, Nate, what's up?

Yeah.

I know, I was excited to get on here today. It's been a minute.

Renee Adams (00:27)
Yeah, so today it's funny. So this topic that we're going to get into, it really started around a conversation that we had. ⁓ And, you know, I'll let you kind of unfold your exact story and everything, but it really got me thinking about why it is so hard to be fully present in the moment.

you know, whatever you're doing, being all there 100 % of the time. it's, just why is it so hard? You know, why is it so difficult for us to kind of not even detach, but not think about all the things that we did wrong for that day, and all the shit that we got to do before the end of the day? You know, why is that so difficult? And so when we were having this conversation about when we actually do

And when we actually are fully present in the moment, what happens when we are fully present and that kind of melting away of all the anxiety and all of the things that, you know, living inside your head, what can happen when you are just living inside your head 100 % of the time? So I'll let you tell your story first and then I'll go into mine.

Mara DeMauro (01:45)
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, no, this is a great topic and there's so many layers here because I feel like...

I know. I just think there's so many different ways people access. Sorry, ⁓ my dog is.

We're going to have to cut this out because I have to get him and put him like, it's the first time that I literally haven't closed my door and kept him in. And I was like, they'll be fine. turned on the sound machines. He's not fine. hold on. Chibs come. Chibs come.

Renee Adams (02:12)
That's fine, I can.

Yeah, no, they're not. Okay, okay. Yeah, no worries.

Mara DeMauro (02:29)
Here now, should we?

You

Renee Adams (02:42)
Dude, yeah, no worries. This is what editing's for, so.

Mara DeMauro (02:43)
Thank

Okay.

Renee Adams (02:51)
You were saying there are so many layers.

Mara DeMauro (02:51)
Okay.

Okay, yeah, there's so many layers to, or so many different ways people access like the quote unquote moment or the present moment, the now. And, you know, obviously with our journeys of exploring sober curiosity and that being a way that, you know, is a way to tap into the moment. Some people, you know, working out.

that is a way to tap into the moment. And recently I've reconnected with someone who I've learned so much, like through knowing this person and, and I realized how much I am in the moment when I'm around this person. And I think it's really interesting because

We can hear terms all the time, like, ⁓ well, you know, if you're, if you're just like all there, you know, maybe you're too like codependent on this person or whatever we might, the terms we might throw out around this topic. But it just kind of made me wonder. Like, and also how people will say like, well, you should be able to access that yourself. You shouldn't need anyone else. Like, or you shouldn't need.

something like a substance or you know, whatever. So it just like really had me thinking like,

Is it necessarily a bad thing, you know, if we are able, like, to tap into more of the present moment when we are around certain people or certain environments or certain activities that really, like, spark joy in us? You know, and... ⁓

Yeah, I'm just kind of interested in exploring that whole conversation.

Renee Adams (05:02)
Yeah, and that's what triggered this whole conversation for us to have because you were almost playing that devil's advocate of like, just as you were alluding to, like, is it us that taps into that? Okay, like, let's ignore everything else. Let's lock in. Let's be where we are now. But you were playing the devil's advocate of like, is it our environment?

that we tap into to allow that to happen? Is it the people that are around us that kind of like nudge us in that direction to be present? Because you even asked me, like, is it like, how do you even do that? You know what I mean? You're like, wait, if we really break it down into like being present, you're like, how do you even do that? And I had to stop for a second and be like, wait, how do I even do that?

Mara DeMauro (05:52)
Mm.

You

Renee Adams (05:59)
because your mind is just buzzing all the time. then when you, I think for me, like when you do take a second, obviously breathing and breath work and all of that, like there's different practices to kind of become more mindful and be aware of your surroundings and what you're trying to do in that moment. But yeah, I think for me, it's, know, working out is a huge one for me. That's when stuff completely melts away, which is such a,

Mara DeMauro (06:22)
Yeah.

Renee Adams (06:27)
cool thing that happens because I'm fully engaged in what I'm doing at that present moment because also it means a lot to me. So it's like I want to dedicate that time and space to that. And then what happens after that is like, wow, there's like this huge relief, you know?

Mara DeMauro (06:47)
Yeah, I really feel like lot of compassion too and empathy through this kind of experience and just that, yeah, everyone wants to feel that peace, you know, and that break from the thoughts. And yeah, I feel similarly like when I am surfing.

Renee Adams (07:09)
Mm.

Mara DeMauro (07:16)
I, it's almost like I'm a forced in the moment. I have, I can't be anywhere else. You know, like I have to be focused and dialed in even, you know, I'm surfing small waves, but it doesn't matter. Like, I don't know. I can't recall a single time where I'm like on the water and I'm paddling for a wave and I'm like, Oh shoot. What was that talking point? Like we wanted to talk about on a podcast. Like, no, you know, and I literally can't have

Renee Adams (07:24)
Right, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, right.

Mara DeMauro (07:46)
my phone with me, I'm in the water, you so I'm totally unplugged. And it really does make such a difference in just like my overall energy.

Renee Adams (07:49)
Mmm.

Do you think being like out in nature and stuff too probably helps with that or like, yeah.

Mara DeMauro (08:08)
Yeah, but

I would say, like, if I just go, for example, on a walk and sit in a park, like, my thoughts are going. I'm not just like in that. I'm not necessarily, yes, I'm there, but I'm still in my thinking, thinking brain. Yeah. And it's almost as if, like, something to do.

Renee Adams (08:13)
Mm.

Yeah.

Like the Hedy space.

Mara DeMauro (08:35)
Some playful element is what allows me to get out of my head. You know, so surfing, you know, I'm out there just doing it for total fun, like flopping around like a goon. Like it's playful for me. So I feel just more there. if I am, let's say at the park and I'm swinging on the monkey bars, I'm fully there. So it really is like this element of

that unlocks something for me to be in the moment. And I think that looks different for everyone. And I think that's like the key is like, you have to kind of experiment and try on different things and see what works. And that I get it. It can be like annoying. So like, this doesn't work for me, this doesn't work for me, you know? And I just want to encourage people like, you know, maybe you try it a couple of times and you don't feel anything, but maybe like the fifth time.

Renee Adams (09:11)
Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (09:33)
It's like, ⁓ whoa, okay, I'm dialed in, you know, so to allow some like wiggle room when you're experimenting with different things.

Renee Adams (09:42)
And maybe it actually correlates to what you are passionate about and what you like to do. Because for me, working out, that's such a big part of my life that I absolutely love to do. Like, I love getting in the gym. That's where I feel the most confident. ⁓ And so maybe a part of that does have to do with finding what it is that does shut your brain off.

And if you do know what that is, making more time for that. So you are able to find more of those moments and maybe other settings that aren't like in the gym, for example. You know, like you could tap into, hey, this is how I normally feel in the gym. Maybe I could try and tap into that same sense in a different environment.

Mara DeMauro (10:40)
Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's kind of like blending. It's almost like now blending the devil's advocate concept, you know, because that there proves that it is, you know, it is us. And I do I do agree with that. You know, I just think, of course, you can apply how you feel at the gym or I can apply how I feel when I'm surfing in other spaces. It's just that it's going to come more naturally.

Renee Adams (10:48)
Mmm.

Mara DeMauro (11:09)
in this space that it comes more naturally, you know? So.

Renee Adams (11:11)
Well, right, right, totally. Yeah,

and then after you were telling me about your experience, my husband and I went on a trip recently and my work-life balance has not been balanced. And so I was really looking forward to just getting away and being with someone that I love in an environment that we go to once every year, we're by the ocean.

And that entire weekend, you know, listening to your experience, I was like, yeah, let's be fully immersed here. Let me give my 100 % undivided attention to my partner who, you know, during the week, you just lose sight of a lot of those things. And I had such an amazing weekend. It has been like, yeah.

Mara DeMauro (12:08)
Hmm. I was going to ask, what

did you do differently on this trip? Like, what does that mean to you when you say, let me be totally immersed in present? What like, tangibly is different?

Renee Adams (12:20)
Yeah.

Right, yeah, I mean, I think it is actively shutting out all of the anxious thoughts that maybe I would usually have in a weekend like that. Because, know, yeah, I still work a nine to five. I have different things on the side, our business on the side, my own health and wellness and my own goals that I'm trying to hit with being in the gym.

making sure I'm working out on my vacations, making sure I'm not going wild and out on my diet the whole time, know, what I'm eating. And I just allowed myself to not worry about all that shit and just be with my best friend and just have fun. And I think it's hard because when you say, just don't think about those things, it's hard not to, you know, but it just like anything else.

Mara DeMauro (13:04)
Mm.

Yeah.

Renee Adams (13:19)
It is a practice and it's its own muscle that I feel like you do have to actively kind of shut out, you know? And so we had like the best conversations because I was fully engaged in what we were talking about, like putting my phone away, almost like what you're saying to unplugging and just giving my wholehearted attention to him, even if we weren't really talking to each other, you know, just being there with each other and

Mara DeMauro (13:46)
All right.

Renee Adams (13:49)
And yeah, maybe reminiscing too a little bit just from our like relationship and I was just in awe of him. We have, yeah, we've been together 11, 11 years. Yeah, dude, it's crazy. So he is seeing me in all states of my life, that's for sure. So in that too, like being able to give myself the time to reflect on that.

Mara DeMauro (13:56)
Y'all have been together for a long time. How many years now? How many years? Wow.

Renee Adams (14:17)
to even be like, ⁓ shit, we have been together for such a long time. Like how amazing is that? How cool is that? Look how far that we've come together and where we are in our lives and you know, that gratitude piece. So maybe it is a part of like just slowing down too and like allowing that to happen.

Mara DeMauro (14:30)
Totally.

Yeah, no. Yeah, of course. Yeah, because it feels... I'm so glad you said that because I also have felt as amazing as it is for me to experience true, in the moment experiences, whether that's with friends or people I love or having a...

Renee Adams (14:38)
I didn't want to leave. I was like, I don't want to go back.

Mara DeMauro (15:05)
great day at the beach. It's almost like, like that's my high and the, I feel the come down and I'm like, Oh, like it burns. And I don't know.

Renee Adams (15:11)
Mmm.

Yes! Whoa, yeah, yeah.

Dude, there was such a

downer. It was such a downer coming back. was like, wow, I just had, it's so crazy that you said that because literally this week has been the week from fucking hell. And I don't know if it's because I had such an amazing like high weekend off of that. And then going into maybe what is usually a normal week for me, but maybe it just seems so much worse because I had such a good

Mara DeMauro (15:47)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Renee Adams (15:52)
weekend, you know.

Mara DeMauro (15:53)
Yeah,

no, it's interesting to think about and

It's like, there's no, I don't know. I'm trying to be more open to that flow. Like, okay, you're have awesome fucking times and it's gonna be super great and you're gonna be in the moment, you're gonna love it, and then you're have to do stuff you don't like and it's not gonna be fun. But that polarity, I guess, is what allows you to experience the opposite one. ⁓

Renee Adams (16:10)
Yeah.

Totally.

Mara DeMauro (16:27)
I know we've talked about that in other capacities before and yeah, it just has me wilding out. And also when it comes to any of this like emotional, mental, quote unquote awareness,

is like, this is, we're working with the intangible. So, you know, when you say like, how do you just let go of a thought and be in the moment? I'm such a hands-on learner person. I need to be able to touch it and the fact that I can't like, let, like grab a thought in my mind and like drop it is like really challenging for me. So what I do try to...

Renee Adams (17:03)
Gimme action steps.

Mara DeMauro (17:16)
Practice is visualizing, like going in my mind and like just picking out this thought and like placing it down because that's the closest I can get to actually physically touching my thoughts.

Renee Adams (17:32)
Wow, dude, I had no idea. That's such a cool way to think about it, actually.

Mara DeMauro (17:39)
It's

kind of creepy.

Renee Adams (17:42)
and

Mara DeMauro (17:44)
⁓ shoot.

Renee Adams (17:46)
It's not that creepy. I'm sure people do maybe creepier things, I don't know. It's not that creepy. Wow.

Mara DeMauro (17:48)
Like.

Hmm, yeah. No, I know, but it's just, it's like

kind of weird, like to think of like your hand, like touching your brain or something and like peeling it out.

Renee Adams (17:57)
in your brain.

Mara DeMauro (18:02)
I was gonna set this one over here for now, you know, but, but not in a way of like, I can't have this thought. Yeah, yeah. Just like, you know, not right now. We'll get back to you. It's okay. We don't need you right now. We love you. We're going to sit you right here in a new comfortable spot while I go over here and do something else. Yeah.

Renee Adams (18:03)
Yeah!

Disassociating, yeah.

Yeah, it's like a kid in the corner. Like go sit

in the corner for a second. Yeah, that's an interesting way to think about it too. maybe I should, maybe I'll try that. I'll definitely try that. ⁓ And that's another thing too. Like I've heard some people too, especially who have, you know, very high functioning, like anxiety or, you know, just a very like buzzing brain all the time. ⁓

Mara DeMauro (18:30)
Hahaha!

Renee Adams (18:48)
to almost exactly what you said, like, hey, I'm actually having a good time right now. I don't need to worry about this right now. Let's save this for the day before such and such is actually happening to not have a meltdown, but to start processing whatever it is that you need to process. Maybe prolonging that process so that you can live in whatever moment that you're trying to do right then and there.

Mara DeMauro (19:16)
Yeah, yeah, all these little like tips and tricks to help to help that process for sure of being in the moment.

Renee Adams (19:23)
Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (19:26)
What else did we want to talk about in this time?

Renee Adams (19:31)
I'm trying to think of where do we want to go from here.

Mara DeMauro (19:35)
I know I'm gonna write this timestamp down just so that you have a frame of where this needs to be cut. Obviously we know the beginning. ⁓ When we're talking about...

Renee Adams (19:40)
Thanks.

Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (19:56)
Hold on, I'm thinking of...

Yeah, I don't know.

Renee Adams (20:12)
I mean, I think it's also just, it's so difficult because not only of what's going on just in the world, of course, but I think just the amount of access that we have to information can just be so overwhelming. we as, know, in the United States,

at least, or maybe just in our generation or however you want to format it, we're just go, go, all the time. So it's just so hard to unplug when you're constantly surrounded by just a high-paced society. You just have to do your due diligence to make that time for yourself and

really find what works for you to slow down. And if that means asking for more help from family members, you know, if you have, you're a mom or a dad and you've got ⁓ children's, you know, maybe lean on them a little bit and be like, hey, you know, I need this time for myself so I can show up for you as the best person that I can be or on your spouse or on your friends, you know, whatever it is.

that I think just being vocal about it too is just helpful on what it is that you need or writing about it or just that acknowledgement of how you're feeling and maybe some things that you can do to try and slow down. It's hard.

Mara DeMauro (21:55)
Yeah,

for sure. And also giving yourself grace in the sense that it's, it's a practice. Like there are so many times where I kind of can beat myself up because I'm like, gosh, Mara, just like, just like, let it go. Just, you know, relax, calm down. And, ⁓ I guess my kind of

little ritual for helping myself get through that is like, I, I would say I've reconnected. what's it called redefined my, ⁓ like spiritual relationship in a sense. ⁓ kind of like talking, this is, always say this with a lot of things, but just talking out loud.

Like, it's like kind of like a prayer, but it's more like a conversation, you know, with the universe or God or whoever, Definitely something that is not me, you know? I don't have all the control of everything. You know, I do have agency in my life. I can make decisions, sure, but I'm not the one who's determining the outcome of those things.

Renee Adams (22:53)
Yes.

Mm.

Mara DeMauro (23:19)
And so what has been helpful for me is when I'm feeling that heaviness in my head or in my heart, I will set aside some time to like, it's a full on conversation. Like, all right, let's just like get this out.

Renee Adams (23:35)
Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I highly recommend that for anyone, especially if you are on your sober curious journey or just curious about how you can live a more easeful life. Highly recommend that. think something for me is releasing the expectation that we put on ourselves to

Mara DeMauro (24:04)
Mm-hmm.

Renee Adams (24:08)
be a certain type of person or you're not that kind of person to cry, like you don't do that or ⁓ you should be doing this or you know just forcing it. ⁓ You forcing something that yeah you see on social media that works for x amount of people but it's not working for me, why isn't it working for me? Just find something else. Find something else that does work for you and

Mara DeMauro (24:31)
Mm-hmm.

Renee Adams (24:34)
Again, going back to just releasing that expectation of you may not be like everybody else. That's great.

Mara DeMauro (24:42)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I like that you bring up releasing expectations or because I'm curious like what you think. So.

I think I mentioned at the beginning, reconnecting with someone and there's, I find myself always teetering on wanting to just allow things to unfold and also wanting to kind of like talk about them, how they're unfolding.

Renee Adams (25:18)
Dude, yeah.

Mara DeMauro (25:21)
And I'm just kind of finding this space interesting because I'm like, how actually necessary is it for me to talk about it? And like, I don't know, because I feel like I can really go both ways. Like, hey, this is important to me because it's a personal value that I like to communicate what's going on and be transparent and be clear. But then there's...

Renee Adams (25:39)
Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (25:50)
another side of me that's knowing of just.

Dude, you can talk about it all you want, say whatever you want, but at the end of the day, it's just going to unfold how it's going to unfold. So I just feel like really conflicted on whether or not I want to have a, open a conversation with this person and just like say like, Hey, like, like what have you been thinking? Like, how have you been feeling? And yeah, I don't, I don't know if I want to do that or not.

Renee Adams (26:25)
Yeah, I mean, I think it's it's so yeah, it's another tough thing. I feel similar in terms of, OK, universe has got your back. You just let it go. You let it ride. So I'm like.

Okay, it's time now. what do you... Like, okay, what do I do now? You know what I mean? Like, okay, I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'm waiting. ⁓ So yeah, I'm like in that middle too where I'm like, all right, you know, I'm here, I'm letting things relax, like letting it go, letting go of expectations. But then it's like that impatience of, okay, I need to do something. I need to do something because...

Mara DeMauro (27:11)
All

Renee Adams (27:15)
I've always done that. You know what I mean? It's just innately, I think, in us to want to have direction, to say how we feel, to feel like we are taking action towards something. So I think it's so hard. Yeah, and being heard and being your unique self. But listen to my ⁓ options or whatever I'm, you know.

Mara DeMauro (27:17)
Hey.

Mm-hmm, being heard.

Renee Adams (27:44)
It's and it's such a and that's part of like the whole why it is so hard to also be in that present moment because there's it's like a 50 50 thing at least for me and where I am right now. It's like part of me is trying to trust and be patient. And then the other part is like now bitch we got to do some stuff and get on top of it and like you how are you going to meet your goals if you're not doing anything. So yeah it's such a

Mara DeMauro (28:06)
Thank you.

Right.

Renee Adams (28:14)
I don't know how to navigate that, but having the conversation is nice to get somebody else's perspective. So if you feel like that anybody else out there, you're not the only one feeling this kind of teeter totter ⁓ in between ⁓ doing nothing and doing something.

Mara DeMauro (28:16)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

my

gosh, what a fascinating concept. Like, whoof, blows my mind.

Renee Adams (28:40)
Mm-hmm. So, just gotta go day by day. Take a day by day. Mm-hmm. That's right.

Mara DeMauro (28:42)
you

Day by day here.

And I guess

we all get to the same place at the end of the day.

Renee Adams (28:53)
That's right, you know? don't life's too, what's that saying? Life's too mysterious to be so serious? That's what my mom used to tell me when I was a kid too. I think she probably thought I was, she's like, just have fun while you're a kid. Why are you to be so serious right now? Oh God. Yeah.

Mara DeMauro (29:02)
oooo

haha

That's great. I'm going to

use that. Cool.

Renee Adams (29:20)
Cool, dude. Well,

thanks for the conversation. I always love talking about these topics because as I said, you're not the only one if you're feeling kind of out there and not really sure what to do with your life or your emotions right now. So you're not alone in it.

Mara DeMauro (29:37)
Right. No,

definitely not. also, yeah, I mean, I'm just like cheering all of us on, myself included, for more moments of that joy, that flow, that being in the moment, being present with wherever you are, with whomever you're with, and allowing yourself to try to figure out what really helps you get there.

You know, using those things, how to mentor, tell me this, if there's someone who just kind of like helps you get into a certain energy or if there's an activity that helps you get into that certain activity, of course, like know that yes, that's coming from within you, but use that person or that activity or whatever it is as a guidepost of like how to get there. Yeah.

Renee Adams (30:32)
Mmm.

Mara DeMauro (30:35)
I just, I found that helpful too. And to keep, yeah, keep your spirits ⁓ light as you explore what helps you feel light, essentially.

Renee Adams (30:38)
like that. It's not so rigid.

love that. Live in the light. All right, where can they find you Mara?

Mara DeMauro (30:54)
I'm in. Live in the light. Yeah,

you can find me on the gram at Mara DiMaro. What about you, Nay?

Renee Adams (31:04)
You

can find me at

coach underscore r Adams.

Mara DeMauro (31:12)
Awesome.

Renee Adams (31:14)
All right dude, till next time. Bye.

Mara DeMauro (31:16)
Okay, see ya.

Bye.