Empowered Ease
Welcome to Empowered Ease, hosted by Jenn Ohlinger—a holistic coach, founder of The Moonflower Collective, and critical care nurse dedicated to revolutionizing women's health. Join us each week as we delve into the transformative stories of healers, health practitioners, and everyday women like you, challenging the patriarchal framework through empowerment and holistic healing. Through engaging storytelling, our podcast highlights each woman's unique journey toward embracing their feminine gifts, trusting their body, and prioritizing their mind, body, and soul. Discover how by empowering ourselves, we can pave the way for stronger relationships and a more balanced world.
Empowered Ease
Micah Walker's Journey from Burnout to Balance
Hi!! I would love to hear from you!
Join us for an empowering discussion on microdosing, burnout, and holistic healing with Micah Walker. We explore how reshaping our relationship with mental health can lead to profound transformations for women, empowering them to reclaim their creativity and community.
• Micah’s journey from nursing to holistic coaching
• The role of microdosing in mental health and neuroplasticity
• Systemic issues in healthcare contributing to nurse burnout
• Importance of community-building among nurse coaches
• Inner child work as a tool for self-discovery and healing
• Practical stress management techniques for busy professionals
• Call for collective healing and empowerment within women's networks
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https://themoonflowercoachingcollective.com/
Welcome, ladies. This is Empowered Ease, the podcast where we challenge the patriarchy by empowering women to take control of their health, mind, body and spirit. My name is Jen Olinger. I'm a holistic coach, founder of the Moonflower Collective and a critical care nurse. Join me each week as I interview healers, health practitioners and women like you while they share their inspiring stories and their unique approaches to women's health and empowerment. So like and subscribe so you never miss an episode and follow along as we learn to step into our power and embrace a life of ease. Okay, all right, welcome, welcome. So my guest today is Micah Walker. She does a lot of interesting things and Micah and I actually know each other. We went through our holistic nurse coach program together. So welcome, Micah, I'm so happy you're here.
Speaker 2:I'm stoked. It's going to be a lot of fun. Thanks for having me on Okay.
Speaker 1:So, Micah, you are a coach microdosing and you coach new nurses starting their practice in holistic coaching. Tell me a little about that?
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness, doing all kinds of stuff In holistic coaching. Tell me a little about that. Oh my goodness, doing all kinds of stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I went through the nurse coach collective and decided, yeah, we did, it was. It was a cool launch pad for me, I think, to open the world up a little bit to what was possible as a nurse, and I was really burnt out. I was like super drained, very like kind of having those thoughts of like I don't know how I can keep doing this, wonder what else I can do with my career, and so I decided to go the coaching route. Since then have gone into microdosing, mentorship, where I help other people integrate microdosing and deep transformational mindset work, mostly working with entrepreneurs and other business owners to overcome mental health challenges holistically, and then more recently shifted to some business strategy. So I've been helping other companies and business owners with building out communities online and creating communities that can then be monetized for their business, and started working with nurses in that realm as well. It's been really fun.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Well, I wanted to have you on today because I microdose myself. It has improved my life, and I don't even know how many ways, and also I'm a nurse coach. There's a lot to relate to here and you're doing some really powerful, powerful things. But tell me, like, what drew you to micro dosing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I guess it's kind of twofold for me. The first thing that I think of is just obviously my own personal experience working with psychedelics and having my. I felt like it opened up my mind and consciousness in ways that like nothing else in my life has my mind and consciousness in ways that like nothing else in my life has, and in accelerated ways like like things that have surfaced for me and things that I've been able to process and navigate and move through have been so much like faster working with psychedelics than like any traditional modality of overcoming different mental health challenges. And so I think because of my personal experience and working with those psychedelics, I really wanted to figure out ways I could bring that into coaching containers.
Speaker 2:I guess the other side of the coin is just the research that has been coming out around the use of psychedelics in these spaces has been extraordinary, like there's plenty of research now around the efficacy of psychedelics and treating different mental health disorders has like surpassed the like, surpasses an understatement but has surpassed the efficacy of traditional antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds and things like that. So that's been intriguing to me as well that, like some of these traditional ways that we've approached these different mental health challenges are not actually nearly as effective as these other options that we have. And I'm you know I've been curious, like why aren't we talking about this other stuff if it's continuously showing time and time again that it's more effective, that it's safer, that it has less side effects? I mean, there's a lot of benefits there which I'm sure we will go more into. But I think those are kind of the main reasons, the twofold of like I've had my own experience and also I'm seeing so much come out in the research. That's drawing me to it in a lot of ways.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I love that so personally with just with micro dosing and honestly, like just messing around as a younger person taking mushrooms, yeah, but I honestly experienced some very powerful, powerful shifts from those times that I know improved my life. And there was nothing no research back then, but I knew back then there was something to it and now that there's, now that it's, you can access it and you can use it in these like intentional ways, I've benefited from it even more. But I think that most of the benefits I've had have been in. So I I used to work in mental health. I worked with troubled teens before I ever became a nurse and then worked in the health care's version of mental health for a year, which was a joke, but so it's something I'm really passionate about, yeah, so tell me more.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm in the same boat. I remember I was working in a psych unit pretty soon before I ended up leaving bedside altogether. I was working as a float nurse, so I was kind of just sent wherever they needed me at the time and I would every once in a while get sent to the psych unit. And I remember, like, sitting in the psych unit and like first of all, the news was on and it was feeding these people like the worst information. I'm like this is crazy. Well, and then they would also, they would also talk to them about like world news. They would be like, all right, so here are updates for today. And then they'd read through and I'm like anxiety provoking, yeah, like what we feed people, what we put in people into their minds and into their bodies and makes a huge impact. And then I'm looking at their food right, I'm looking at the food that's in front of me. I remember that and I'm like we're here to try to help these people overcome these different mental health challenges, but what we're feeding them, both mentally and literally, what we're feeding them, does not at all communicate that we're trying to help them, like not a single bit. And I remember just thinking I actually started writing in my notebook like my thoughts that I was having that day, like just how frustrated I was. And you know, you go through their medication regimen and they're on all this stuff. And then you're reading through these doctor's notes that are like, well, this medication made them X, y and Z. So we're switching into this medication or we're adding this medication to help with the side effects of this medication, and I'm just like what are we doing? This is bananas. Doing this is bananas.
Speaker 2:So I was quite frustrated with the healthcare system, not just in the mental health space, but truly the healthcare system overall was very frustrating to me and I was out of place. I was no longer feeling like I could participate in it with my heart in it anymore. Like that, my soul and my heart was like slowly taking these steps back. I'm just like I don't know, I don't know, I don't know if I'm in this anymore, and so I think for me a lot of it came from like feeling really misaligned, like I felt really misaligned in healthcare when I finally decided to move away from bedside. It was like a little whisper that turned into like a scream that I could no longer ignore. It's like you first kind of get that nudge and it's like, hey, you're not like super loving this and it's like, okay, I could ignore that. And then it gets a little louder and it's like, hey, you're like not loving this and it's also not the way that you want to help people. And then the voice becomes a stern voice and then eventually it's like screaming at you where you cannot actually ignore it anymore. And I got to that place where it was like all right, I can't ignore it. I got to do something else. I got to figure it out, because I am showing up without my heart in it, without feeling like I'm in nursing.
Speaker 2:For the thing that I started was like I guess the intention that I started with was I wanted to help people heal and I wanted to participate in that gift and transformation. And I was like that's not what we're doing here. It's just not what it's set up for, like it's. It's a system that's not set up to get people to a place they never need need us or need it again. The system is set up so that people stay and remain dependent on it forever. It's a business. It's a business. You got to keep the customers.
Speaker 1:Oh, go ahead as a critical care nurse like, oh my gosh, I went into it because I believe in the. I'm a nurse, so the nursing model is patient forward, right. Holistic, right. We believe in that. The medical model is symptoms backwards. That is a model that works for a lot of acute care situations and that's what I went into being a critical care nurse thinking I was going to do. And, holy cow, that's about 15% of what I do and the rest of what I do is manage chronic illnesses. That all could be prevented with education and mental health care. Yeah, so what are the most effective way? Or I guess what is microdosing the most effective way? Or I guess what are the what is microdosing the most effective in in that, in the mental health space.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so a lot of the things that we've seen come out around the use of psilocybin in general, there's not a lot of research.
Speaker 2:I do want to preface what there's not nearly as much research in the microdosing space as in larger doses spaces. So I want to be transparent about that, that we still need a lot of research to come out around microdosing. There are some, but it is kind of hard to, it's hard to study, it's hard to especially, you know, with the different regulations that are on various forms of plant medicine. The studies that have been done around psilocybin are generally with larger doses and what we've seen is that people are having depression and anxiety symptoms just plummet after these large dose ceremonies or experiences or journeys, whatever you want to call that. And what we're finding now too is that because microdosing or psilocybin in general has the ability to increase neuroplasticity, so our brain's ability to change over time, that we can actually create new networks, new connections, new patterns through the introduction of this compound, even in small doses over time, and those changes may be more subtle and spread out, but they're still happening. And so because it is increasing our brain's receptiveness to change, we can introduce different mindset tools and techniques to begin to shift different ways of thinking, different ways of seeing ourselves and the world around us, different ways of processing trauma, all kinds of stuff like that. So depression is a huge one that it's been effective in Anxiety as well is a huge one that it's been effective in anxiety as well. In PTSD there's been a lot that's come out around PTSD people really being able to have a different lens that they're seeing their trauma through. And I think a lot of that is just the result of getting into a more neuroplastic state and making new connections and new neural pathways in the brain. Because as we grow older, we get solidified into these programs, like however we think, however we operate, whatever patterns we're in, they get kind of like stuck in us. The older that we get and a lot of that is because of the neuro changes that we're going through. As we age, we get more and more solidified into those patterns and pathways and connections.
Speaker 2:So often when we need to learn something new, we have to introduce something that allows our brains to get into a state it's ready to receive something new. When you're younger, you don't need that because your brain is so neuroplastic, it's so receptive to any learning, to any change. That's why it's so easy for children to learn a new language or to pick up on like these crazy things that it would be almost impossible to do as an adult. And you have to work 10 times harder to learn the same things as an adult. And it's because of the ways that our brain changes.
Speaker 2:In that way we just aren't as receptive to those new patterns, those new changes, those new ways of thinking. So microdosing has been a way that I've kind of allowed people to have something that, while they're incorporating some deep transformational minds at work to change their patterns, to change their ways of thinking, they're in a state they're more receptive to that new stuff that we're introducing. So that's why I love it, that's why I think it's powerful and that's the stuff that it's been able to help people with so far. It's been really cool.
Speaker 1:That is really awesome. I love it too. I find it helps me process a lot of my childhood stuff. I find it also helps me a lot with creativity as I take on like new endeavors and step into new roles.
Speaker 2:Microdosing has helped me significantly break through the blocks that come up, because they're just I feel like I still have them, but I get through them so much quicker when I use microdosing yeah, and that's like again, that's like the in the enhanced neuroplasticity, like our creativity is from our brain, getting like opened up to the world, getting opened up to new perspectives and new ways of looking at things. But it's hard to kind of get in that state as an adult when you have been hardwired into these ways of looking at the world, ways of looking at yourself, ways of looking at your relationships, your past, your trauma, that it's kind of all in one box like creativity in the sense of like art and painting and music and things like that, and creativity in the sense of new ways of approaching your past, new ways of approaching your relationships. Like to me that's all creativity because it's introducing something new, something different, something that's out of the box for you. I love that.
Speaker 1:You seem like a very creative person, Micah. What are some other creative things you're into Tell?
Speaker 2:me. Well, I do love playing music, Like I play guitar, I sing. I used to write music a lot and I was talking about this recently. I haven't written as many songs and things like that lately I've been, and there's reasons for that too. As we get older, when we get in like routine, it actually also prevents our creativity from surfacing. And I think when I I guess when I started my career, that's when I noticed I wasn't writing as much anymore, when I was like in a full blown career, showing up at work doing the adulting thing but that's something I was recently talking about that I want to get back into is like writing music. So that's, that's the primary way that I express myself creatively. I'm not really like artistic in the sense of I don't really paint or draw or anything like that. My fiance does a lot of that and is incredible. But I do love sitting down at a piano or sitting down with my guitar and just playing around for a little bit.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that yeah, A little outlet, Beautiful, beautiful. I am a gardener, obsessive gardener. And then this one behind me paint by numbers but it's very peaceful.
Speaker 2:It's like puzzling. You did that as a paint by numbers. Yeah, I love it no way. Yeah, that's incredible. We have a paint by numbers that is taking us for ever. I'm like what is up with this thing? And it doesn't look anything like that. So you're doing something, right.
Speaker 1:Thanks, I love. My husband does them too, but his are like the Joker because he's like all about the joke.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:They're very contrast yeah.
Speaker 2:They're like dark and eerie or like yeah, and then Buddha, something peaceful, serene, you got gotta have that balance, you know, yeah, totally, totally okay.
Speaker 1:So tell me a little bit about your other passion, really kind of your current focus right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, a lot of the stuff that I'm doing right now is like around business strategy, so I've been working with a lot of business owners and other entrepreneurs and bringing their communities to life in ways that they'll eventually be able to monetize that. I think that I don't. Honestly and maybe I'm like, biased in different ways I'm such a community oriented person that everything I do, I want it to be on the foundation of community and connection, and so I just have this deep desire to build business models around community and for my business models to be all on that foundation and to be able to help other people build their business models on that foundation of bringing people able to help other people build their business models on that foundation of bringing people together, connecting people, being in something that it feels like we're doing this thing together, like we are in this tribe going after this thing, navigating life all with each other's backs, and so that's a lot of the stuff that I've been doing. I've been working with a lot of new nurse coaches to help them build their own businesses, starting with, you know, creating strong offers, developing funnels, getting narrowed down on their niche, who they want to serve, how they want to work with them, the model that they want to use and then being able to start to bring that to life and a lot of that is just really fun. For me. It always feels like a puzzle, I guess. Like it feels like I'm putting some pieces together and I get to like activate these different parts of my brain, and I've been having a lot of fun with that.
Speaker 2:I think I saw such a need for kind of more entrepreneurial skills, understanding, kind of more entrepreneurial skills, understanding and knowledge post going through these certification programs. Like you and I both went through a certification program that was giving us a foundation for coaching and what that could look like to leverage our skills and passions as a nurse into coaching containers. But what I found was after that you don't really know where to go or like how to do that. You know it's like okay, yeah, I have these coaching skills, but like how do I leverage that into a business? And so I spent, you know, thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars on my own programs and trainings and other coaches to figure out how do I actually bring the thing that I'm passionate about into something that can sustain me financially, because the reality is, if it can't sustain you financially, even if you're really passionate about it, you can burn out with that Like it's. It's not. Like passion prevents burnout a hundred percent. Like there's got to be something that continues to fill your cup in a way that you can keep going.
Speaker 2:And what I found was like if I, if I just do this thing that I'm like really excited about and passionate about, but never actually get anything in exchange for it, it's not, it's not sustainable and it's not going to work and I will burn out. So I had to find ways that I could leverage this thing into a sustainable business model, and the model that I've really landed on has been community building. So that's the stuff that I'm most interested in and most kind of want to help people also incorporate their business model into is just human connection, bringing people together in those ways. So, yeah, yeah, I'm enjoying it. It's been cool to work with other new nurse coaches and show them the ropes a little bit.
Speaker 1:I love that one of my like the purpose of this podcast and like a lot of the coaching I do, is like women healing community and so I'm a big advocate for building these kind of communities where people can come together and be supported. So I really love that. And I love the passion piece because, like, I coach women through burnout and we use that like purpose, that passion that comes with when you identify with a purpose or even a placeholder purpose as a space holder to like create a little space to get other work done, to get to where we need to be. It's not well for some people, you know they can reconnect and find a way to sustain what they love, if that's what it is, but for a lot of people it's the placeholder to create some energy to make some changes to be able to get where you want to be.
Speaker 2:So I love that. Exactly. Yeah, I think I'm curious to hear what your definition of burnout is. I would love to hear, like I know you've been doing a lot of work around burnout. I'd be curious to hear what yours is. I think something I've been thinking about is, like I feel like burnout is when, like the energy input becomes less sorry. The energy input becomes more than the energy output, or sorry. Am I saying that the wrong way? I am the energy output, or sorry. Am I saying that?
Speaker 1:the wrong way.
Speaker 2:I am vice versa. You're putting out more than you're, you're putting out more than you're taking in. Yeah, so yeah, I love that from an energetic level.
Speaker 1:Yes, you're giving out more than you're taking in. Totally I think, yeah, I think I think the like technical definition of burnout is a symptom, because it's like it's a physical, mental and emotional exhaustion and the traditional definition is caused by work. But yeah, we all know that, like just, I mean I, I coach women, so I speak specifically to women. But women take on so much stuff, like people that have kids, I mean people who don't have jobs are burnt out and exhausted yes, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Burnout as a stay-at-home mom? Yeah, that is a full-time job. It is it. Totally, yeah, I guess. I guess the way like I've been feeling lately is like if I'm putting more energy into something that it's not coming back in a reciprocal amount or in like some kind of like we have an asymmetrical relationship between, like, what I'm putting in versus what I'm receiving from it. That's when I feel like I get drained to a point I can burn out, and that can I've. I've felt like that in relationships too.
Speaker 2:Like not just oh yeah, relationship burnout is a real thing, that's how I feel yeah, that's how I've felt too is, like you know, I've obviously experienced my own burnout in work where I felt like I was giving more energetically than what I was receiving. And after such a long time of being in that state, it's like eventually that just kind of hits you like a train. You know, yeah, I felt the same in relationships where I've had to create some different boundaries and also maybe shift relationships entirely, that I felt like I put way more energy into than I was getting back. And again it's like that energy input versus energy output became not reciprocal anymore. It became like unequal and therefore the I guess like the the balance was so off.
Speaker 2:That feeling that for such a long time energetically just becomes like intolerable. Like you just get to a point you're like I just don't think I can continue giving energy to this thing, and I felt that in relationships. I felt it in work environments. There's I think there are a number of ways that can have that same experience. But it's cool to hear your definition as well. I'm sure you've done a lot of research into this topic.
Speaker 1:Well, I've had. I've obsessed with burnout because I went through probably one of the most intense habitual burnout experiences where, like my, I was having physical symptoms like you wouldn't believe. But so my definition is that it's when we lose the ability, or just get too distracted, to listen to our body signals. When we get this, when that connection gets disrupted, is my like very bare bones, wow description of it. However, burnout has so many moving parts. It really does. It's. It involves like are we connected to our purpose? Are we able to hold boundaries? What is our stress relief? Like A lot, of, a lot of moving parts, but I think that's the fundamental of like base of it.
Speaker 1:And then, to take that one step further, my other thing I like to say about it is a lot of us so it's one of two things we either know what we need to be doing to be healthy and take care of ourselves, and there is a block there that is subconscious or some other level that we're avoiding, or we're disconnected to the point where we can't hear or know what we need to be doing to act on.
Speaker 1:So, when we know what we need to be doing, or two, we're disconnected so we're not even hearing the signals and that, as well as blocks, that need to be addressed. So it's those two things that I work with with women when we start the program and really throughout it. We use the other steps as tools. But to start turning towards what those things are, some people have to start off by getting comfortable feeling their body where other women are very into their bodies and it's it's an issue of they're totally disconnected from where they need to be in life. They're living unaligned. What used to work for them doesn't work anymore. Their hormones have shifted where they're now valuing different things than they used to value and they just haven't caught up with the fact that like it's time to shift. So there's a lot of things that can play into burnout, but I think the fundamental of it is we stopped listening to our what our needs are, for one of those two reasons.
Speaker 2:That's. Yeah, that's really interesting. Yeah, I like that, the disconnect, like it's, the moment that you become disconnected from your needs, what you value anymore, your passion, your purpose, all of that. I was just talking with another nurse yesterday and I was trying to help her get clear on an offer and who she could serve. And I was like, well, tell me about what brings you to life, Tell me about what energizes you, what excites you. And she was like, wow, I guess I haven't thought about that in years. And I was like really, she's like yeah, I've just, you know, I've been working as a nurse and then I'm taking care of my husband who's sick, and I've also have an elderly parent and I'm taking care of them. And I was like that is it. I think that's the reason so many nurses reach this point of just such severe burnout, because we're so like wired into this take care of everyone else mentality that when we're asked like something really simple, like what makes you happy?
Speaker 2:That's essentially all I was asking is like what makes you happy? She's like I haven't even thought about that.
Speaker 1:in years I've been so worried about making everybody else happy, make sure everyone else is good.
Speaker 1:That is such a common story is such a common story. It is crazy, but it's a lot of women's realities and you know what? That's another thing we work on too, which honestly affects us as women more than we know. But, like that whole good girl conditioning, it's just culturally passed down. I mean, it's not intentional and sometimes it is, but it's just subtle things that society taught us, as they raised us, to be pleasant, to make things easy, to be the ones that create the experience, that create the environment, to make other people happy. And it affects us in a very negative way as we get older. It's hard, it makes us disconnect. We're the first to shove something under the rug, we downplay everything, and that's why community has such a big part in this, because when you hear another woman say something that's stressing her out, it may be something that you are shoving under the rug. You're noticing, you're doing it. You're like wait what? Yeah, yeah, that does that. That might be training me, yeah.
Speaker 1:And it takes that to hear that, and that's why I started this podcast.
Speaker 2:Yes, no. I think this stuff is really important because it is like that is wild to think about, like that where we can ask each other a question as simple as like yeah, what, what's making you happy these days? And it's like, honestly, couldn't tell you. I am just so focused on everybody. It's like what? Like what? You can't give more than you have. Like you can't give more than you're receiving back. Eventually, you will get to a place. I do think it manifests in all those physical ways. I know you have your own story with that, but I think that's just the body screaming like stop.
Speaker 1:Listen to me, listen to me.
Speaker 2:Exactly Like it's got to catch our attention at some point before we just go into a full-blown dysfunction meltdown, which, like I think that is what we get to. Like. That is the place that our bodies get to if we are ignoring it for such a long time.
Speaker 1:I also think that, just as from a nurse, I think like one in four women have been a nurse at one point. There's like 50, I can't remember million nurses or something like that. So a huge percentage of the population is nursing. But that, even as a nurse, that is also something that's pushed subtly onto you is to self-sacrifice, like to wait, you know, like that it's a joke about holding your pee and all that stuff and you know sometimes but that is pressured into you and it is.
Speaker 1:I think it's intentional in some ways. But that is also why we nurses is the health care is the number one field to burn out in Yo don't get me started on that, because I will go off. Get out of your soapbox.
Speaker 2:I get really. I get really annoyed and I'm sorry if you're one of these people I can't see you as being one of these people but I get really annoyed when people are like nursing is my calling. I'm like it is a career, and the reason that people instill this idea of like nursing being a calling is so they can take advantage of your ass and get you working more than you need to be working and caring for others way more than you're caring for yourself and keeping the system running on your energy and effort that you're not fairly compensated for and you're not given like safe conditions to even be working with them. Like don't call it a calling because the system is hearing us say that and they're like those are the perfect people to keep this thing running with, because they believe that it is on them to keep it going because it is their soul's purpose. Your soul's purpose is not to hold up this like really failing system failing but also very like immoral system, like it is dirty, what's going on in this system and so greedy. It is not your job to uphold a failing, fraudulent, scammy system like this. It is your.
Speaker 2:I do believe it can be your calling and your purpose to help people in different ways. But, like when we attach that to the career, like nursing itself, we are feeding, we are feeding this culture that it is on us to keep this thing running. That maybe needs to fail in order for people to wake up and be like, okay, something's not working, like what can we really change? Let's look at it, let's tease it apart, let's kind of take the pieces apart and figure out where the things that just aren't working in our benefit anymore, so we can actually begin to create solutions around that. But we're never going to get to that point If nurses keep coming in to save the day, like it's enabling it's enabling the system. That is just not serving anybody and it's certainly not serving us.
Speaker 1:Well it it perpetuates this idea that being a martyr is somehow some like saintly noble thing. And that is also a female thing. That's also part of that good girl conditioning that it's noble to sacrifice and it is not. That's a trick. That is like the. That's a trick to hold you down. I was like that's not patriarchy, but we're about to go off y'all.
Speaker 2:We are going off. We are going off. It's too late. It's too late.
Speaker 1:It's very true, and healthcare relies on that. That's why they want new nurses, that's why they want you to not have a lot of experience when they roll you into higher education and that system.
Speaker 2:Dude, I was on a call.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to get her on my podcast 70 year old nurse this morning talking about these same issues and she was on her soapbox about this too.
Speaker 2:So we're not alone and we all have our soapbox. Yeah, because I used to see that like all the time it's like, oh well, I'm not in it for the money, and oh, I'm not in it for the money, and oh well, I'm not in it for this and that, and I'm like, okay, yeah, we know that, we know you're not, but like you need to quit with this martyrdom thing because that's why the system is the way it is, because you feed it this shit. Like you feed it this shit. Yeah, is it running this way?
Speaker 1:oh, I am, I am. I like empathize with people who believe their calling is to like help others in, nurture and give in that way like yes, that's your calling, but our health care system does not support that and it will break you. That's to say you shouldn't be in it, but when you go into it they are not going to arm you with what you need to survive. That you will burn out if you don't find ways to take care of your mental out, if you don't find ways to take care of your mental health, if you don't find ways to hold boundaries and also to find stress relief, because it is a very stressful job it really is.
Speaker 2:I you know California is a bit different experience. Nursing in California. I was like, okay, there are some things that can be done to ensure there is a fair treatment of nurses, because there are places like here that are implementing some of those things. It's not perfect and it has such a long way to go before it's really a system that nurtures nurses and cares for them and ways that they can continue to do this career for long periods of time.
Speaker 2:At the same time, I do see like, for example, in California, you're required to take a break and you're required to hand over your phone and you're required to like step off the like you can't. Like I just remember so many other places that I've worked that I've just had to keep working through my lunch break. Or like I had to take my phone with me into the break room, so if they do need me, got to cut lunch short and it's like I get 30 minutes in this hellhole to like get a quick bite and I don't even really get that. Like how does that make any sense? Right, like there are just some things that I think are very basic, like allowing a nurse to have a lunch break that people just don't take seriously.
Speaker 2:It's so looked over and maybe it's gotten better, since I've worked in those areas.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure, nope Well so I've been traveling for the last five years. I've worked in tons of facilities. I've worked all over the country and I've worked for good hospital systems, but Utah has my favorite hospital system. That really does make an effort. It really does. I think they were actually like recognized by the Obama administration at one point for being but that's where I started and then from there I moved West down to Florida and things have progressively gotten a little different. But also COVID happened. So I don't know, I think COVID probably had a part in that too.
Speaker 2:So yeah, yeah, I know. Yeah, covid, I think woke up a lot of us to the realities of healthcare. But yeah, there, there are just so many times, like you know you mentioned like not peeing throughout a shift Like there have been times I literally as soon as I clocked out, like ran to the bathroom. I feel like I peed for five and a half minutes straight and I was like, oh my God, like I think I just went 14 hours without peeing and like, and you didn't drink any water either.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and like the reason I could do that is because I didn't have a second to drink any water as well, but it's like that's insane, that I didn't really get a lunch break, I didn't get to pee, like I it was on my shoulders to like make sure the world wasn't falling apart. Like that cannot be on one person and it has to be. Like this messaging needs to be stopped around this, and like the whole martyrdom thing needs to be stopped. You're not doing any good for the world by being a martyr, in fact, like if you think about this as like an abusive relationship. I'm not trying to be dramatic.
Speaker 1:No, I want to write a book called healthcare, like and is my abusive boyfriend, or something like that, because it is relationship. I'm not trying to be dramatic. No, I want to write a book called health care, like and is my abusive boyfriend, or something like that, because it is. They're so similar so similar.
Speaker 2:Or like think about if you had, like, an addict child. You know that it's like, you know their behavior needs to change, but you keep giving them money for drugs, like do you really think that's what's gonna like?
Speaker 1:turn their life life around.
Speaker 2:Your narcissistic parent like yes, exactly Like we know these things right. Like we know, if you have an addict in your family, you don't keep giving them money because they're going to go spend it on the drugs. But there are so many family members who get caught in that enabling cycle because they want to be the one to come in and save the day. It's almost just as much a mental issue on the enabler as it is the addict.
Speaker 2:Like there's like some deep, deep stuff to dig into there we need to evaluate. As nurses, I think we need to evaluate where our value is coming from and why we feel the need to receive or to why we feel the need to get value or to feel like we have value through being valuable to other people, rather than what innately exists within us. I think it's important to like kind of do a deep dive into our inner landscape and be like all right, what's going on here? Like I've done that. You know I've been in therapy and they were like well, don't you find it interesting that you know this is how your family dynamic was and this is how this was. And then you went into a career where you're the caretaker and I'm like we're in a cycle, we're stuck in a pattern.
Speaker 1:I was going to say there is a pattern with a lot not say all because there's so many nurses out there. But I do think there is something innately in some of us where we're trying to prove something, we're trying to rechange a pattern, we're trying to make something, we're trying to make up for something or be good enough in some way is why we put ourselves in these situations. I know, for me it definitely was. I did not have a great childhood. There's a lot of trauma and having to be an adult before I had to. And for me I remember this was so funny.
Speaker 1:My mom I remember like talking about how much she respected ICU nurses, which is so funny because, like I became an ICU nurse was like a third career. But it's like now that I look back on it I'm like this is probably the role I've respected myself in the most. I think it's just my mom because of that comment. But you know, ladies, it is stuff like that. So you're trying to. We all have that voice in the back of our heads, that something, and I think nurses especially. There's something there to why we're drawn to this system there is.
Speaker 2:I mean, I used to do it in relationships too, not just in my career. I used to do it in relationships where I would be just overly generous, like, overly like, trying to take care of everyone else, like in this thought pattern of like man, I give so much, like, why can't other people give back to me in the same way that I give? And then I woke up one day to like oh, that's where I'm getting my value. Man, I give so much Like, why can't other people give back to me in the same way that I give? And then I woke up one day to like oh, that's where I'm getting my value.
Speaker 2:I think that I have no worth. Like, I actually believe that my self-worth is zero and therefore I need to go out and prove to everybody that I do have some. I actually need to get value from other people in my life by showing up in these excessive ways, by being excessively generous, by being excessively loyal, or what I thought was loyal but really was just a selfish way of being like, see me, see me, I'm good enough, I'm a good person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like, don't leave me. Don't you see how much I'm a good person? Yeah, like, don't leave me. Don't you see how much I'm doing for you? I've shown you, my physical value.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:Like stay with me forever because I have this inherent value to you by showing up and being this generous person and always being there for you and dropping everything for you and all of those kinds of ways of showing up in relationships. I think is the same reason I ended up as a nurse was like I needed to figure out like I have value outside of how I show up in the world. Whoa, sorry, I'm getting too crazy. I'm getting like very passionate. Yeah, like outside of, outside of how I show up for other people, outside of the value that I'm bringing up to. Like you gotta stop searching outside yourself.
Speaker 2:Like I honestly feel like one of the moments that I woke up to that was when I was like staring into this pill bottle wondering if there were enough left in there to take my own life. I was so miserable and so stuck in the same cycles that I was just like I'm so done with this. Like why do I keep getting in these same cycles in my relationships and my mental health? Like I feel like every month I was in the same kind of chaotic situation and I was like I am done and I was driving home I remembered that my roommate had some like leftover opioids from a wisdom teeth removal surgery and I knew where they were. I was like I'm going to check and see if there's enough in there to like do anything. And I opened it up, there's four in the bottle and I'm like, okay, well, like four pills is not going to do anything anything.
Speaker 2:So guess I got to figure out what I'm going to do with my life because I am in these cycles. So I can either use this as an opportunity to wake up to why I keep getting in them or I can keep looking for ways to take, like you know, just end it all, I guess. And I felt like this can be a wake up call for me, Like this can be a turning point. This can be the moment that I really do a deep dive into why I'm showing up in these ways, why I keep ending up in the same cycles. And I did Like I went into a deep dive into, like, the way that I operate, did a lot of work around like my past, a lot of like inner child stuff, all the things, All the things man to be like okay, I am worthy of love outside of anything external, like I just am, period.
Speaker 2:There's nothing I need to do to prove that. There's nothing I need to be to prove that I just am, and I think that's when everything shifted for me.
Speaker 1:Beautiful. So tell me what was the first step you took.
Speaker 2:A lot of like, a lot of inner dialogue, like I did this practice where I journaled out this dialogue between my present self and the like little girl that I felt like kept causing havoc in my life.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love it. Okay, like I love inner child work, it's very powerful for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I remember like writing it out as a journaling practice, like I would write me colon and then I would say what I want to say to her and then I would write her colon and then she would kind of say what, like she was feeling and what I felt like was the thing that was surfacing. And I just did that little like dialogue. For a while I was just journaling, like me and her, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, until I finally felt like we came to an understanding, like oh, this is what you're here for, this is what you're trying to communicate, this is what you're trying to like, show me that you need, or this is the way that you felt, like you needed to be seen or heard or validated in some way. And then it was kind of like you're sitting across the table from this version of you and then you just like reach out and grab it by the hand and you're like you know what, we're going to be okay, and we're going to do this together.
Speaker 2:And then I think, honestly, that shifts so much Once that version of you feels like oh, okay, you do see me, you do hear me, you do understand me. For some reason, it kind of silences a lot of the chaos that they're causing. And that was it for me. Of course, there was a lot more that I did and a lot more of that work that I was involved in and, you know, really got serious and therapy really started shifting how I saw myself. I did a lot of work around kind of my own worth and things like that, but that was one of the practices that, like when I think back to that time was was pivotal for me.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that you say that, yeah, it's been very powerful for me as well. Very powerful Just going back and like telling myself like I'm the one that takes care of everything. It turns out okay and I'm the one that's got you, because I feel like for me, I was always waiting for someone to come like save me and make it okay. And it was so powerful the moment that I decided like I'm the one that's gonna make it okay and I told her that. You know, like I told some of the most vulnerable times in my life that like it all turns out and like where the woman makes that happen, it's just such a like. It's like something inside, just like closed a little bit. I mean it didn't completely heal, the doors didn't stand shut. I come up against new versions I have to deal with all the time, but it's very powerful every time I get there, you know yes, it's so powerful to step into that like, to step into like I'm I'm, yes, like I'm the creator, I make this shit happen.
Speaker 2:I'm in the driver's seat, yeah, because I think for a while, like if you have, you know, for me, like if I having like a little five or six year old Micah driving a bus, there were a lot of people that were getting hurt. We, we were running over signs, we were running over pedestrians, we were off-roading. It was crazy. And then, as soon as I, like, was in the back of the bus, decided I'm going to come up to the front of the bus, have a little conversation with little Micah, who's driving this thing, causing havoc. I mean, no six-year-old should be driving a bus.
Speaker 2:I come up to the front, I'm like you got to get out of the driver's seat, I got to take over from here and we have a little conversation, we come to an understanding.
Speaker 2:I'm like I'm not saying you can't be here, I'm just saying you can't be driving, you can be here, you just have to get in the passenger seat and I'm going to hold your hand while I'm driving. I'm going to let you know like I'm still here, we're still doing this thing together. You're still in the bus, you're still a part of this, but I've got to take over. I'm the one with the driver's license, I'm the one with like I'm the responsible adult here, and it's almost like you got to have that conversation and be like. I think the important piece of this is truly the like you can be here, like I'm not kicking you out and I'm not saying you don't have a place in my life, like you absolutely do. Every version of us has such an important role to play and like who we become, yes, honoring each, honoring each person you've been because they were so vital for you.
Speaker 2:Along this journey, like you, were doing the best you could with what you have yes, yeah, and like really recognizing that and that version of me being like, yeah, you can be here, you have a role, you have. Yes, yeah, and like really recognizing that and that version of me being like, yeah, you can be here, you have a role, you have a function, but your role cannot be driving this bus anymore.
Speaker 1:Right, we got you. We got it from here. I love that. I love that so much. This is a powerful place to close off, I think. So let me, before we go, let's's let's talk about. If people want to learn more about you, learn more about your services, how are they going to find you?
Speaker 2:yeah, so I have a couple communities, as I mentioned. I am all about building community right now, um. So one of my communities is called schoolcom slash microdose and it's a community all about microdosing for mental health. I share a lot in there about my own experience. I also share different trainings that would help people get started if they wanted to learn how to get started in a microdosing journey. And then I also have a community that is for new nurse coaches and nurse entrepreneurs and that is schoolcom slash nursepreneur. And that's another one that if people are looking to maybe go into business as nurses, they want to figure out how to lay a foundation for doing that. That would be where they can find me. It's school with a K the cool way of spelling school.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah.
Speaker 2:I have kind of two different Instagrams for those. One is more around the micro-using stuff that's transformed with Micah, and then the other one is Micah helps nurses.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to put links to these in the show notes eventually, when this is published. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I got so much going on. I got too many too many Instagram, such it gets wild. But I got a lot of passions, got a lot of things that I enjoy and want to bring to the table. I love that.
Speaker 1:So before we go, let's talk. Let's talk about what you do, what your number one stress relief is. So you got a lot on your plate. How do you manage that stress? What's the number one thing?
Speaker 2:you do thing to do Changing my environment? Yeah, like if I have been sitting at home in front of my computer. I'm overwhelmed. I'm like in back to back to back calls. The first thing that I think to do is get up, move around, go for a walk or get in my car, go drive to sunset cliffs where I can watch the sunset like something that gets me out of my environment. I believe that when we get out of our environment, we get out of the thought loop that we're in, because usually it's associated with the environment that we're in. So I just change up my physiology, Like I move my body, get in a different environment, go get some sunlight all that good stuff.
Speaker 1:I love it. Great advice. I'm a big one about my environment too. It affects the way I feel. I think it's part of being like the neurodivergent brain, like the ADHD, works super effective by our environment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and bonus points If you can get into an environment that activates the playful side of you.
