Empowered Ease
Welcome to Empowered Ease, hosted by Jenn Ohlinger—a holistic coach,
& founder of The Moonflower Collective. Join us each week as we delve into the transformative stories of healers, health practitioners, and everyday women like you, challenging the patriarchal framework through empowerment and holistic healing. Through engaging storytelling, our podcast highlights each woman's unique journey toward embracing their feminine gifts, trusting their body, and prioritizing their mind, body, and soul. Discover how by empowering ourselves, we can pave the way for stronger relationships and a more balanced world. Women heal in community come find yours.
Empowered Ease
Christine Soza, Beyond Medicine: A Death Doula's Wisdom
Hi!! I would love to hear from you!
What happens when we stop fearing death and start embracing it as part of our human journey? Christine Soza, a Reiki master and end-of-life doula with 30 years of nursing experience, transforms our understanding of mortality in this profound conversation.
Christine guides us through the role of an end-of-life doula—a non-medical practitioner supporting people from diagnosis through their final transition and beyond. With compassion and clarity, she explains how our society's death denial creates unnecessary suffering and how reclaiming death as a natural process can lead to more meaningful living. Her stories of sitting with hundreds of dying individuals reveal the sacred patterns and opportunities for connection that emerge when we don't turn away from mortality.
Our conversation ventures into practical territory as Christine shares how advance care planning empowers individuals and relieves loved ones from making agonizing decisions. She introduces the concept of "legacy work"—writing letters to future grandchildren, planning meaningful gestures that will continue after death, and creating what one client lovingly calls her "dead box" with all essential information organized. These preparations aren't morbid; they're liberating acts that allow fuller engagement with life.
Perhaps most striking is Christine's integration of energy healing into end-of-life care. As a medical Reiki master, she witnesses remarkable transformations as this gentle practice activates the parasympathetic nervous system, creating deep relaxation for those transitioning and their families. Her perspective challenges us to reconsider quality versus quantity of life and reminds us that "if death is a battle, we'll all lose"—suggesting instead that we transition having fought bravely.
Whether you're facing mortality yourself, supporting a loved one, or simply curious about approaching life with greater awareness, Christine's wisdom offers a roadmap to presence, meaning, and connection. Her closing thoughts on rekindling our inner light serve as a powerful meditation for living fully, no matter where we are on life's journey.
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Welcome to Empowered Eve, the podcast dedicated to inspiring women to turn inward and take ownership of their mind, body and soul. I'm so excited to announce our guest today, christina Sosa. She's a remarkable Reiki master, an end-of-life doula and founder of True North Awakening. Christine's journey into caregiving began in her youth, instilling in her a deep understanding of the value of time and connection. From supporting an elderly woman with dementia as a teenager to her subsequent roles as a certified nursing assistant and oncology nurse, christine has provided compassionate care to hundreds, often holding hands with those nearing their final moments. The transformation into a Reiki practitioner emerged from personal health challenges, leading her to explore energy healing as a path to holistic well-being. Christine's story is a testament to the incredible potential of integrating traditional and alternative medicine. The incredible potential of integrating traditional and alternative medicine.
Speaker 1:She believes that dying is a human experience, not merely a medical event, and finds a deep fulfillment in guiding others through their healing journeys at every stage of life. Join us as Christine delves into her life's work, reflecting on sacred moments she witnessed and the powerful lessons she's learned about living fully. Non-sacred moments she witnessed and the powerful lessons she's learned about living fully. Her insights serve as a guiding light for anyone seeking to understand the profound connection between healing life and death. Welcome, christine, to Empowered Eats. We're excited to learn from your incredible list of inexperience. Well welcome, christine, I'm so happy to have you. Well welcome, christine, I'm so happy to have you. How are you doing today?
Speaker 2:I'm great. Thank you so much for having me. I'm super excited to be here All right Now.
Speaker 1:tell me where you're located for our listeners.
Speaker 2:I am located in Boise, idaho, boise. I love that. And then can you tell us a little bit about what an end-of doula is? Sure, so I have a nursing background and I've been a nurse for 30 years and I really had always wanted to work with folks at the end of life and I wasn't really sure how that would fit in with nursing, and so I discovered an end-of-life doula, kind of by default.
Speaker 2:It was by divine guidance, and, in my words, an end-of-life doula is something or someone that has really been doing, considered a helper and someone who is really supporting people at the end of life. To me it's very similar to a birthing doula, so a birthing doula I think more people are familiar with that it is someone who helps mom and baby from the beginning, before, during and after birth, and so an end-of-life doula is someone who helps support the person at the end of life at the beginning stages, during, and then offers bereavement to loved one afterwards. So, in essence, an end-of-life doula is a holistic, non-medical practitioner that supports people on their journey until they take their last breath and afterwards.
Speaker 1:Beautiful. Sorry, I had to mute you. My dog was licking anyone. She's usually pretty good, but okay, well, I love that description because I think, um, so death or end of life, doula seems to be something that's growing, that I'm hearing more and more about, but I don't think it's something that many people really understand what role you serve or how powerful this can be. So can you tell me a little bit, maybe about like how people seek you out and maybe like the circumstances or like who you would be, what kind of people you would, really they could benefit from your services? I know at the end of life it seems like anyone at the end of life, but I don't know. I just want to hear a little bit from your perspective over like who can really benefit from these services.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so anyone, I, you know, I, I think oftentimes people will say, well, I'm not ready yet, I'm not going yet, and I'm like, oh my gosh, the work can start way before. And so, really, an end of life doula's role, one of the many roles of an end of life doula is education. So, really, what we want to do is help people even start thinking about the inevitable journey that we're all going to take.
Speaker 2:For some reason I don't know what happened, but we have become a death denying society, like I think, people believe, like we're not going to die and it's like, well, you know spoiler alert yes, we are all going to get there, and so oftentimes people will say I didn't even know how. How can you do this work? It seems really sad, and for me, when I work with people at end of life or even people who are willing to have the conversation, it's so life affirming. It is powerful to be in that space to not only help people navigate those difficult conversations with their loved ones how do they process their own terminal diagnosis and then it actually helps to empower people, knowing that they have more control over their end of life experience than they realize. And I think what's happening is that we have created this death, denying society.
Speaker 2:We are all fearful of death and I don't know what happened. I really feel like in and I come from a medical background and sometimes I'm just standing in the middle of the forest shouting at the top of my lungs like what are we doing here? You know what are we doing here? We are so far removed from the natural process of end of life that it really baffles me. We have to embrace this. Animals die, plants die. You know, there's just this evolution of our beautiful planet. There's this life and rebirth. That is happening among all of us each and every day. So why don't we uh, turn that around and allow ourselves to embrace this journey that we're going to take? It can be beautiful, I've seen it hundreds of times and so why are we so fearful of death?
Speaker 1:so so you said so many powerful things. There's so many questions. I love it. I'm like you said so much, but I want to take you back to, like one of the first things you said, because I think it was super powerful and that you said, like that, a death.
Speaker 1:Part of your role is helping people talk to their own family members about death, because I, like I've been I've been a critical care nurse for 10 years, so for me, death is like you know I.
Speaker 1:And then another powerful thing you said which I want to touch on later is, like when I brought that to my family, they are not medical people, so they they are in full denial of wanting to plan, because after I'm working in the ICU, you know, I want everyone I love to have a plan of how they want to die, because I don't want us to be left leaving that decision, which I think, as a nurse, you understand why that would be so powerful, because we end up in that situation with people. But I think part of it is this inability to know how to talk about it be a really powerful thing with when, when, given a new diagnosis or even deciding that it's that time in your life. It can not. It can be a very difficult conversation with family members who are not ready to hear it, so I just would love to hear a little bit about your perspective of that, I guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it starts, I think, with childhood, and so how we were I don't really like the word programmed, but these, this culturally created self that is created for each individual, somehow these seeds were planted, I think early on, that you know, if we weren't really exposed to a lot of death, then you know if grandma is passed away we don't really get to touch and love and connect with our loved ones that are passing away. You know we just show up to a funeral and then you know there's no bereavement, there's no processing. You know everyone's crying. It seems really scary and sad, and so I think it really begins with childhood. So if we can begin to allow our children, our pets, everyone be a part of the dying process, I think that really helps set the stage for how we process and talk to other people about death.
Speaker 2:There is this possibility of us being, when we touch death, when we experience death on a personal level. How we respond and react to it also sets the stage on how we influence others and how we interact or kind of do the dance as we're processing our own terminal diagnosis or helping our family and loved ones. But I think for me personally it wasn't until I actually was forced, having to take care of all these loved ones that I in my family, you know, a death was just in my face. And even being a nurse and having seen so many end of life, having seen so many last breaths, it's so different when it's your person. It's so different when it's your person and so really, you just kind of have to practice. And with each time I've had experience with supporting people at the end of life my loved ones, my mom, my dad, my in-laws, everyone. It's a practice and when we are faced with so much death, we actually begin to question our own mortality and we begin it's just like this little valve that gets looser and looser and looser.
Speaker 2:It's like, okay, it's safe to talk about this. I'm the one that wants to talk about it. My family's like no, no, no, no, and so I get really excited about it. But I think, the more that you want to talk about it, you can ask your family. You know this is really important to me, this is really meaningful. Can we have this conversation? And it's not going to be a one and done thing. People are just going to have some resistance, but and we have to just honor where they're at in their life experiences. But really those are the hardest conversations to have. But but I think saying your wishes and allowing yourself, your loved ones, to honor your wishes is the greatest gift for everyone involved.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, I, yes, a hundred percent agree with that. I love that you were talking about starting in childhood because it makes me think of like traditionally, when before we had like funeral services, people like kept their, their dead in their home and they walked, they them themselves and like had the time to say goodbye to them. You know, that was like the whole parlor room thing was to display your dead and I think some people might hear that and their skin might crawl. But when I was first ICU, we did this really beautiful practice that when someone passed we bathed them and before we sent them to what we do with them, and I found it to be such a beautiful practice and it felt so beautiful to be able to do that for someone and it made me think, like I mean, my, I have not lost my parents, but at the time I thought, man, I could see how this would help you closure, like it's such a gift, a loving gift to do, even though it's like their, their body.
Speaker 1:It's like it's a beautiful practice and I can see just how much that would be part of your, it could be part of someone's closure if they're open to that, obviously. If you're not, but that makes your skin crawl not you, but for me. I thought, oh man, I could see back in the day how people were so much more connected to this process Because, like to me, it was a gift to give them in the end, like it was a beautiful saying goodbye, you know, and the Abbeys were not my close family members, so maybe that was a little easier closure for me, but it just made me think of that time when that's actually how we treated our loved ones and how that could be more powerful if we were more present with it, you know, if we were more present with our death.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. It's beautiful. I think that's one of like that's a week right, and in the Jewish faith they have Shiva, so that's seven days, you know, and awake is three days, and so really I think, just in my experience, you know, first working with hospice patients for a while, it was like oh my gosh, my, you know, my person, my loved one, died, and so they immediately call hospice and then they just sweep their loved one, you know, the funeral home comes and then they're gone and it's just like wait a minute, they were alive and now they're not and there's this empty bed. And so I love the idea of having home weeks and funerals. Those are having a rebirth, really just embracing, spending time with your loved one, bathing them. You know. I love the idea of anointing, you know, putting essential oils on, putting lotions on and there was a gentleman I loved. He was rubbing his lotion on his mom's feet and hands. He's like I've never done this before.
Speaker 2:I'm like this is your last opportunity. You're not going to get this chance again with your person. Sit down, have a cup of tea with your person. You don't. Death is not an emergency right. Take all the time that you need with your person, even if it's just a couple of hours, the phone calls can wait. There is something sacred about when you observe your person, or any person for that matter. Take that last breath, the breath that will no longer return, and there is just all of a sudden. Then it's just like there's a big gap in space and time, like you are not going to get this time back. So I always encourage people to take that time, love on your person, dress them in some beautiful clothes, put flowers, you know, whatever, whatever, setting the stage of really just embracing that moment, because it is a sacred time.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that. Now I want to talk to you a little bit about the process of dying, because I have my my you know medical experience of it. But from what I've heard from and just in passing, I think, up close from women who do what you do and is that there is this profound experience you can have in this process where you can really gain a lot, and I've seen little bits and pieces of just stories that emerge, seeing people in the room. Like you know, there are things that happen during this process. They're really beautiful if you allow them to and, you know, don't try to fight it and so I'd love to hear a little bit about your experiences with that, or what's possible for people that may not know, you know.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a great question. So you know, for one, we really have to check ourselves at the door when we're supporting someone at the end of life. You know, I, you know, as a hospice nurse, I really struggled because I really wanted everyone to just have this beautiful end of life experience and I wanted to just say here's this package, it's all wrapped up in a bow Now have your beautiful end of life experience, and sometimes, most of the time, that happens. But there can be a process where I call all of those loose ends Like if we don't tie up our loose ends I'm such an advocate for forgiveness, work and really doing the work while we're here right now, just really doing our own interpersonal work, can really set the stage on a more peaceful end of life experience. I've witnessed it. I've witnessed it. I've witnessed it. I know it's possible. So, please, I encourage everyone to do your work today. There is something powerful about that.
Speaker 2:But the end of life experience to me is very similar to the birthing process. I have a son who is now 30 and I wanted to have a natural birth, like I wanted it to be. I wanted no drugs, I wanted it to be so natural and just amazing and I had envisioned how it was going to go. And I had friends who you know had had children and they, like you know, they would cough and then the baby would be birthed. Right, it was just like that. Right, they made it look painless.
Speaker 1:They took a shower before they went in. Yeah, oh yeah, they were beautiful.
Speaker 2:It was just like here's the baby, and that was not my experience at all. It was long, I had some complications, it was not natural at all and so and it was days, I labored for days and that is to me just like the birthing process. I wish we could all just die in our sleep Like I wish that. You know, I wish that for everyone. That's not the norm. I think what happens is there is a laboring process and so really we have to be, we have to really get good with death, and it's a process. It is just like the laboring process. Death and it's a process. It is just like the laboring process.
Speaker 2:And so when people begin to transition, and that's when people start to lose interest in food and water, their swallowing reflex really starts to diminish and so it becomes unsafe for them to eat. And then they sleep longer, they begin to stay in bed longer and eventually they go into their sleep coma and they're in the transitional phase. That's where all the magic, there's the stabilization phase, where the magic can happen, and that's when all the I love, you's, I'm sorry's, you know, spending time with one another, reading books, listening to music, all of that is magical. But once they hit that sleep coma state. They are no longer able to get out of bed. But sometimes there is something, there's this restlessness that can happen, and so they call it terminal agitation, where there's this, where people would say I need to go home, I'm ready to go home. And sometimes we argue with our people, like you are home and they're like, no, I want to go home. Our people, like you are home and they're like, no, I want to go home. And so I've heard instances where other doulas have, you know, like, okay, what do you need? And so let's pack a bag. You know, let's put your dress and your shoes and let's get your bag ready, set it next to your bed so that the person can feel comfortable, like, okay, I'm ready, I'm ready to go home.
Speaker 2:They oftentimes to begin to see their loved ones that have already crossed over and as a end of life doula, I've seen it too many times to just dismiss that. And I think a lot of people in the hospice world and in your work as well, when you see people that are nearing the end, they are talking to their loved ones, they're reaching out to parents a lot. Yes, they're there. I am a firm believer. You cannot convince me otherwise that our loved ones they're reaching out their parents a lot. Yes, they're there. I am a firm believer. You cannot convince me otherwise. That our loved ones that have crossed over are there to help guide us, like I can't. I can't deny that anymore. There's angelic figures, like they're.
Speaker 1:They're there to support us yeah, I just listened to the telepathy tapes that it like blew my mind open and I know so. I'm like that's what I'm so excited to have you too. But um, so the other thing that I love about this and this is all not just the death process, this is also dementia but um, sometimes it's like these very early childhood memory stories get unlocked for people and it's a time where you can, if you don't try to argue with them, if you just sit down and listen to them, you will hear things, learn stories, just see a different side of them than you have ever heard. Because it's like this these memories they haven't been able to access for some reason become accessible and valuable it's powerful, it's powerful.
Speaker 2:I, the telepathy tapes. Like I, I could listen to that over and over and over again.
Speaker 1:That's my jam, that's totally my jam.
Speaker 2:And I would do Reiki. I have done Reiki on hundreds of people with dementia and Alzheimer's and I would see the nurses notes, like you know they would. The patient would be talking in word salad, they're, they're not putting you know they're. They aren't able to put words together and they're nonsensical talking and and I was in my mind I'm like we had a great time, like I just entered their reality and um, and we had a beautiful session. And so when really in Reiki, when people are able to get into that deep, relaxed state, anything is possible. And so you're right, when people are nearing their end of life, all sorts of things can happen. Some beautiful things can happen If we really can just accept people where they are and allow them to have their experience, just enter their reality. If they think their loved one is there, I cannot deny I can't see that their loved one is there, but I believe that they are.
Speaker 1:I also like like I just, yeah, I think it's intentional, I think it's like meant to happen that way, just because also the regularity I've seen it and the not like random people you know what I mean it is very specific people that they're seeing who meant a lot to them, like it. So it seems very profound, um, so I love, love that you share that. The other thing I want to talk about is your reiki, because I didn't realize that you were a reiki master until, um, just right before this um, we started recording. My last guest last week was a friend of mine who's a reiki master, um, and she was. She's been talking to me about one of my dogs is old and getting ready to pass and, um, the power, how powerful reiki can be for him to help him pass, which sounds silly. But I want to talk about Reiki's role in your, in your, in your, in your end of life dueling, because, from what I've heard, it can be very comforting and help people to ease into that transition. So how?
Speaker 2:do you? Find the two, tell me to me it's, it's, it's like. I can't imagine doing one without the other to me so I do Reiki and I I have a medical Reiki master as well as a Reiki master.
Speaker 1:So and can you tell us the difference of that too, before I forget, like along with this what? Because I don't know what medical Reiki is, so I'd love to learn that too yeah.
Speaker 2:So medical Reiki is Reiki. It's just providing Reiki in the clinical or medical setting. And if you haven't, if you're interested in Reiki, they're my medical Reiki teacher, raven Keys, who passed away two years ago. She actually started doing Reiki on folks in the operating room. It's phenomenal. So it's Raven keys medical Reiki and it's an incredible book and um. And so she actually came to Boise a couple of years ago and taught several of us about, uh, how to do Reiki in the clinical setting. And so I have completely embraced that because that's my medical background and and it's like, how do I, how do I, how do I blend the two? How do I do my death work? And it just seemed like a natural fit that it all goes together. And so Reiki in the clinical setting can be performed in an infusion suite and, you know, in acupuncture it can be done anywhere you receive medical treatment. It just looks a little different.
Speaker 2:And in my most recent role was doing Reiki for folks in the hospice setting which, again, you know, sometimes in my brain I thought I needed to have people come into my little space, you know, sit on the table. I actually do a ton of home visits where I just meet people where they're at, so it's in their hospital bed and their wheelchair. Sometimes I call it Reiki on the fly. When I'm in a dementia unit and they start to move around, I'm just holding their hand. The staff in the facilities are like can you come back tomorrow? Because they're receiving less medications for their anxiety and their agitation. It just really helps to calm that nervous system down, and that's what Reiki is in medical terms, is that it really helps to activate that parasympathetic nervous system. It really helps people to get into a deep, relaxed state. So I've been using, I have Reiki in my life. I've been a Reiki master since 2019.
Speaker 2:I am not the same person that I was. I was kind of high strung, a bit controlling, and my life is completely different, and so how I utilize it in my death work is um, I just start doing Reiki as soon as, if they're open to it. Of course, not everybody is open to Reiki, but, um, I, I start, I start off early and then, as they begin to go through their process, um, I've just seen some beautiful things. It's a beautiful complimentary therapy that I think everybody should have. It really helps to um, um, provide uh, uh, a sense of release, a relief, and this calmness and the family, you know, ricky, is energy, and so the whole, the whole house just seems more grounded and more centered. They can just be in that energy. It's lovely, and I've been doing it for people at and like when they're actively dying too, it's beautiful.
Speaker 1:So I like to compare it to and I would love to know cause I know it's not exactly accurate, but in my mind and when I talk about it sometimes to like visualization, like pro athletes and even some insurance companies like cover, visualizations of like, because if you visualize your surgery, it's been proven and having an effective outcome has been proven to work, having better outcomes. So this is like the same kind of energy work of like, sending an intention, would you? Would you say that is comparable for people who may be having trouble wrapping their their head around this concept of Reiki as a medical practice.
Speaker 2:Yes, and this left brain girl wants to still try and figure it out. I think that we cannot minimize the power of mindfulness and the power of thought. To me, reiki is a superpower because we can actually heal ourselves Now. Now, I'm not saying that people should stop taking all their medications and stop seeking medical treatment, but this is something that can be added to your, your medical protocol, treatment protocol. To really, to really understand Reiki, you have to. I always encourage people to try it, but we do not understand, or even can begin to realize, how much stress our bodies are under. And so, really, when we get into that deep, relaxed state, healing is possible.
Speaker 2:And we know, you know, and not everybody knows about the difference between the sympathetic and the parasympathetic right. The sympathetic is that fight or flight, and physiologically they know that the blood pressure goes up, the heart rate goes up, respirations go up, our blood vessels are constricted. There's no way that our body can sustain that for long lengths of time. When we activate that parasympathetic nervous system, our heart rate goes down, our blood pressure goes down, respiration's slow. It's like we're just navigating life with a sense of ease. I just think that if we really understood, we have more power over our healthcare journey, then we have more power than we realize. Getting out in nature, taking active steps, eating the right food there's so much things that we ingest, you know, the media, social media, family work, stress all of that stuff is just energy.
Speaker 2:I think that's why I love the telepathy tapes is remembering, when we get down to the center, the core of us, remembering that we're all connected, that that's where the beauty lies. And we have more power than we realize. We can take control by how we respond or react to, you know, people, places and time and all the actions. We really have more control than we realize. Sorry, I go off on a tangent. No, absolutely. I'm right here with you and in my head I'm thinking so.
Speaker 1:My specialty is burnout right, and that is what happens when you live in that state of stress, on edge, but you're in fight mode, you're in flight mode, what happens is your body starts having serious medical issues and meltdowns, which I experienced personally and now I help women work through. But you're, you're.
Speaker 1:We're talking about the opposite end of the same spectrum here, and I love that because it all does tie in and it all does relate and we can heal ourselves if we start first on some level and, like I said, I work with people, like I always recommend they have therapists, and I recommend these other therapies as well, like great, using Reiki, or using acupuncture, or using massage, or going to yoga these things that make you turn in because that's where the real answers are found. And then the death process. I'm hearing very same right. Turn inward and find your peace.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's beautiful and I think that we can start now preparing for our death Like I try to live my life, living a complete lifetime in one day. So I'm living at this point as best to my ability of like no regrets. It's like I don't know what it is Like. I see so many people at the end of life. They have regrets. I know I'm going to have regrets, but I don't want to have regrets moving forward and so take life, live life fully, leave the past behind and just step into your own power. Forget about what other people think. I think that's another tool of just really feeling empowered to step into your beautiful oneness, expansive self and none of my business what other people think of me, just really being in a state of remembering that we're all connected. It's beautiful. That's how I choose to live.
Speaker 1:I love that. That is very beautiful. So tell me what a typical time period you work with a person is like before they pass. I know sometimes it time period you work with a person is like before they they pass. I know sometimes it's probably very short, but what are like the longer time periods that you're working with people?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so, um, I can do um advanced care planning. So, um, I can also offer what's called elder care, so providing respite care, um, helping people go to appointments and things like that. My, my, my passion is education, so really helping to way before we get to the end of life and so really starting to help people have communications, helping them to get their advanced directives in order. I'm doing something called my teacher. My teacher, from her name, is Suzanne O'Brien, from doula Givers, and I've been with her for about five years and she just wrote a book a couple of months ago called the Good Death, and I anyone, I just really strongly recommend anybody read that because it really helps to, you know, explain how we got here, the fear of death, how can we plan for a good death? And you know we're more than just our physical bodies. There's our spiritual, emotional, mental and then energetic body. So if we can really care and tend to those, all those bodies of ourselves, then really we can plan for a good death. So if I can get in there early, I've even had I have a client who's 88, who I helped her do her paperwork. She calls it her dead box and she's got it all together. She's got all her passwords, everything her family needs in case she does pass away. They have all the information and we meet and have dinner like every three months, because she's like when I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to hire you. But at this point she is embracing life fully, so really just staying connected to people and just really allowing them to have conversations that they may not necessarily feel comfortable with having with their family members, but really creating a death positive experience. So I can start way back. You know, the average length of stay in hospice is two weeks. Sometimes people are on hospice for hours, which is unfortunate. So if we can help people sooner than later.
Speaker 2:I would say I had a client the first client I had where it was a kind of a substantial amount of time. I was with her for about four months and started meeting with her weekly, about three or four hours a week, and we started working on legacy work. I was helping her to write letters to her loved ones. It's so amazing If you start writing love letters to your loved ones, to your future grandchildren, you know, um, uh, you're the first.
Speaker 2:You know. All these firsts after someone passed away are super tender All of them are tender but writing love notes to your family members and sending those you know, making arrangements for flowers to be sent for your spouse after they pass on your anniversary. So I just start working with people you know weekly and then, as the time draws near, then I can spend more time with them. I've actually done overnight visits with them, so it really the person who is having the experience or their family members are really making the decision on how much time is needed, and it's real flexible so it can be whatever they want it to be.
Speaker 1:I can only imagine, too, that doing that planning like for the woman you you mentioned that it probably helps her live life more fully because she doesn't have to. She doesn't have things she still has to get done. She has taken care of her stuff, put it away in a neat little box and she tends to it when she needs to, but she's free to live her life. She doesn't have these ties that she has to get done before she can put herself first. And isn't that the battle that we're all fighting, right to put our needs out there. So it really seems like it would be a freeing process to be able to fully engage in yourself, in your life, at the end to get this stuff out of the way Totally.
Speaker 2:And I you know people say they really want to have their advanced directives done. You know their end of life wishes, but there is a very small percentage of people that have actually done it. So that's like and then what happens is that this person doesn't know what you want. Something happens, something catastrophic happens. They end up in the emergency room or the ICU, and then these decisions have to be made at that point. Please do not wait until that moment. It does take a lot of effort not a lot of effort, but it does take a little bit of a lift to get those, get those wishes written down, let your people know what you want, and then, if something does happen, then you're ready. The decision has already been made.
Speaker 2:I think with the decision, one of the things that I feel really passionate about is kind of the wording of the advanced directive. So when you name a health care proxy, that person is not making the decision for you. That person is actually carrying out your wishes. Yes, that's the goal, so that the decision doesn't have to be made Right? So the person that you choose to speak for you if you are unable to speak for yourself. That's the goal of the advanced directive. You're not. I mean, you can say, yeah, I'll do whatever you want, but really I think there's that level of empowerment. Let let your family know what you want and then trust, pick. Make sure that you pick a person that is going to carry out your wishes. That's the other thing.
Speaker 1:Don't say you're going to have this person do it, and then there'll be like one person in your family that has no backbone, that the rest will push around. Don't do that. Don't do that.
Speaker 1:So I love that you say that because that's the conversation I've had with my parents. They're like oh, you are a nurse, you will make the decisions. I'm like, no, no, no, that's not the point of this. Yeah, I know what will happen, but that doesn't mean I know what you want to happen to you and how far you want this. We have this conversation all the time Cause I'm like you need to write down what you would want and what circumstances, because I can't make that decision for you.
Speaker 1:I can tell you what I'd make for myself and I have had, like, nurses I've worked alongside for like 10 years tell me that they would want every single thing done to the very end, and it shocked the hell out of me because those are not my beliefs. We do the same job, the same viewpoint on life, and I could see how my viewpoint might skew my beliefs about that for my parents. You know what I mean. They don't know what I want, what I see, so that people deserve the right you have all earned the right to end your life with as much control as possible. That's something I try to state too when I'm helping people make this decision, because as an ICU nurse, I have so like I mean I probably 80% of the end of life conversations I'm having with people is telling them what do you think they would want?
Speaker 1:Think back to any conversation where you've talked about end of life, because they don't know and they're feeling lost and they're feeling guilty and they're feeling like people are going to their sibling, their brother, their sister, that the decision maker is feeling like people are going to blame them. That's all not there. If they have made their own decisions and you know what they want, and in the end, when you're stressed and trying to grieve, thinking about what conversations would we have surrounding this? What would they really want? Have they ever told me? It's not an easy thing to be doing in that moment, when it's so much better to give the gift of the people you love that are left here to just be able to grieve you and not have to worry about what you would want and worry about how the people left will feel about these decisions they're making.
Speaker 2:Oh, so much in that. I, you know, I, when we love, when we, when we lose a person, regardless, and the ones that seem to be sudden and tragic, super tender, super hard, because those last goodbyes you don't get a chance to say those last goodbyes, even if it's expected, it still does not diminish the grief and the loss and the pain that we experience. But really, when all of our financial, when all of all those loose ends, all of those responsibilities end up being tended to afterwards, even just funeral arrangements like did they want to be buried?
Speaker 2:did they want to be cremated? Do they want to be?
Speaker 1:what does?
Speaker 2:she want to wear right, yeah or not? If you marry me with my bra, I will come back and get you so?
Speaker 2:we're just getting that clear here. So it's just like you have to be able to have those conversations and do find, you know, find some, some common ground. You know, sometimes if it gets a little heavy, it's okay to come back, come up for air. There's a couple of things that I wanted to mention. The deck deck is a great resource. It's a card deck, it's a card game that you can actually you can buy it, bring it and just invite everybody over for dinner, drinks, if you want.
Speaker 2:And then it's a card game and it's just these questions that you ask. You know, like you know what, what, what would you, what would you like to do? You know, do you want to be buried? Do you want to be cremated? Do you want it? There's, you know, all sorts of body dispositions. There's composting. You know there's all these questions.
Speaker 2:Do you believe in the afterlife? You know, how do you? What would? What's your biggest regret? So there's some serious questions. There's also funny ones, and so really that offers an opportunity for families if they're struggling with getting the conversation started. The death deck is a great tool for that.
Speaker 2:And then the other thing that I think about is a book from Atul Gawande Living Mortal, being Mortal, oh my gosh, that really was pivotal in my practice of really beginning to understand that again, we, we are, um, we have more power than we, than we realize, on how we make those medical decisions, because there's a million different ways that we can die and um, and so really, all these different um, you know, I think, um, I think. What makes me sad, my heart hurt, when I see people get on that medical treadmill Right, and so they're, they're sustaining life. But really, when we are sustaining life, are we really living? And so I think about quality of life versus quantity. And my husband has a cancer diagnosis and we talk about this all the time. He has A, b and C. If he can't go fishing, if he can't play A, b and C, if he can't go fishing, if he can't play with his grandchildren, you know, if he can't, he loves to eat. He and I are both big foodies. You know, if, if, if he isn't able to do those things that he loves, then you know, considering making some changes. You know, then we'll have another conversation.
Speaker 2:But I think that when we have, when we find that we have purpose and meaning in our life, um, then then, uh, you know having a life that's worth living, but when really, um, when, when the scale is tipped, you know we do need to begin to reflect back and and realize again we have more power than we realize. We can choose to stop treatment. That may not be a decision for everybody, but really, when we think about quality of life, it's a decision based on your ideas and beliefs and what's comfortable for you, and it may not be in alignment with others, but I think that, again, we just have to honor everybody's decision of where they're at, everybody's on their own journey, and we have to respect that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think something for people who aren't medical, like extending life sometimes is very, very, very painful. It is not an, it's not a peaceful process to extend life through a lot of medical means and for some people they're okay with that. They want to fight till the end and they deserve that Right. But for people who don't know, there are a lot of people out there who would rather not suffer and they don't know necessarily that those extensions to keep you know, the some of the things we do are quite uncomfortable. So having that talk awareness is also super helpful, because you get in there and you're like what's happening. So this is there's. So much can be avoided and so much beauty that can be created through being open about these conversations early.
Speaker 2:And are we making? Are we making a decision out of love or are we just making a decision out of fear? And so I think, when we really get into that place of just honoring, and so I think, when we really get into that place of just honoring, okay, is this a fearful decision or is this a decision that is in alignment with what makes me feel right in this moment, and it can change. You know, like I'm done, I'm done, I don't want treatment. And then it's like, oh my gosh, I have my grandbaby now, and so I'm going to just go a little longer. One of the biggest things that bothers me so much is when I hear people say, oh, they lost their battle to cancer, or you know, it's like they didn't lose anything, they fought hard. Please stop saying that. They didn't they, they, they fought, they fought. And so when, if death is a battle, then we're all going to lose.
Speaker 1:Everyone will, and so transition to the next thing, whatever that is.
Speaker 2:That's right, yeah, so when we really embrace death, we really are embracing and saying yes to life.
Speaker 1:I love that. That's so beautiful. Okay, I want to spend some of this time talking about you a little bit here. So do you help people just in your local area, or do you work with people virtually as well?
Speaker 2:Yeah, both I do Teledula and also I have a Reiki practice where I can do Reiki, a distance Reiki, so really just supporting people. I can do Zoom calls, I can just do it over the phone. It can look like whatever people need at a distance wise, and then also here locally in the Treasure Valley, I travel to people's homes. I have a little spot for Reiki. I just meet people where they're at. Yeah, I love.
Speaker 1:That I don't want to. I want to also like give voice to how powerful it is to meet people where they are. It's part of like that little piece of my podcast. This is like challenging the patriarchy and you know, part of that is like a break from this very stiff, standardized way of doing things, and doing things based around what people need, about a based around individuals lives needs where they're at in that moment. It's such a powerful thing on so many levels and this is just another beautiful example of that. If someone were interested and wanted to get a hold of you maybe consultation or get this process started, or maybe talk to you about how they approach their elderly parents, who they want to be prepared for maybe it's the other way around how would they find you or what do you recommend them doing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so for dual work I provide a 30 minute free consultation so we can just sit and talk for a little bit and figure out what exactly they're looking for support in, and then they can call me. They can send an email to truenorthawakening at gmailcom. They can fill out a little contact information on my website. Facebook, instagram and LinkedIn are all great ways to reach out to me.
Speaker 1:And they're all. The True North Awakening is how to find you. All this will be in the show notes, but I like to say it too, because not everyone stops and looks at the show notes, which is understandable, so I like to get that on here too. And one thing I ask all my guests is like what is your go-to self-care when things are just like getting out of control and you're feeling like over it? What's your go-to?
Speaker 2:My breath. You know, I think that you know I I'm a big, I'm a big advocate of connecting with nature and but I can connect with my breath anywhere. So if I'm in between clients or you know, I have a sacred time in the morning that I sit and meditate. Sometimes I don't get as much time as I'd like, but you know it just takes three breaths really to just ground ourselves. I have river rocks in my car when I'm feeling super ungrounded, and pine cones and and really if we can just, you know I have a phrase called called be where my hands are. So if I can just connect with my hands, connect with my body, connect with my breath, that brings me back into an alignment, knowing that all is well right here.
Speaker 1:Back into an alignment, knowing that all is well right here right now, because it is because it is all well. Right here. You have a very calming presence. I gotta say so. Whatever you're doing is working, because I can feel it from here. It makes me feel calm, so I appreciate that. I can only imagine how comforting it would be to be like interacting with you in such a vulnerable time of someone's life.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I owe it all to Reiki. I feel like I was just having this conversation with my husband last night. I am not the same person that I was. I wish everyone could get Reiki attuned and integrated into their life. Everyone can use a little Reiki, because Reiki is love and it's a. We can admit it. We can administer Reiki to ourselves. We can administer Reiki to everyone on the planet. It's really a form of activism. So when we're feeling a little untethered and knowing that there's a lot going on in our world, we can send Reiki to the world, the planet to one another, and it just helps to. Really it's like a ripple effect. It's just sending out love and peace to the world. So thank you.
Speaker 1:I feel your ripple and I appreciate it. Thank you so much for being on the show. Is there anything you want to leave us with before we go?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, you know, I think that really remembering that we are all each light and that, when, I know, sometimes our light within us becomes a little dim with circumstances or things that have happened to us in our life, we really have this pilot light within each of us. So all we have to do is remember to ignite that pilot light and just when we ignite that flame and when we become the light that will empower others to find light within themselves. And it's just like sharing a candle, right? So you share your light and it'll expand and we'll just light up this whole world.
Speaker 1:I love that Beautiful. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:You're welcome. Thank you so much. I appreciate your time. It's been lovely. Yes,
