The Motherhood Village: The Power of Community, Empathy, and Self-Advocacy

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch is the Founder of The Motherhood Village and shares her journey toward creating a thriving organization which supports mothers. The creation of The Motherhood Village stems from her bumpy transition not only to motherhood but to working motherhood. She highlights the power of community, ways organizations can incorporate more empathy and compassion, and offers wisdom on how to integrate self-health into everyday life. 

Nicole is a top-rated podcaster, Financial Advisory Committee Member for the City of Coral Springs, Board of Directors member for Healthy Mothers Healthy Babies Coalition of Broward County. Her mission is to connect modern mothers with the resources and support they need by providing a platform for personal development, and social events that prioritize mental health and overall well-being.

Transcript

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  0:00  

A very stressful environment where everything is a fire. So I also have the mommy brain that's still the hormonal parts of me that are still trying to figure out what the hell just happened. I just gave birth a few months ago, and now I'm thrown into the fire like, Oh, do you have those reports, and have you done this? And I'm like, can I get my head right? You know, I barely got sleep last night.

Speaker 2  0:21  

Welcome to perinatal and reproductive perspectives. This is a podcast where we empower birthing individuals, partners and health professionals with evidence based insights, holistic strategies and relatable stories, hosted by a healthcare expert. This podcast fosters understanding equity and growth in perinatal and reproductive health. Here's your host, Becky Morrison gleed.

Rebecca Gleed  0:53  

I am so thrilled to have Nicole Cumberbatch on the episode today. She is the founder of the motherhood village, a boy mom top podcast host and many, many other things. Nicole, can you tell our audience a little bit about yourself and what you're doing?

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  1:12  

Sure, I guess, high level. So I live in South Florida. I have a seven year old son. My husband and I have been together almost 15 years married. Okay, if my son is seven, we're married a year. So we'll be married eight, nine years. Goodness, I think this year, because my son will be eight, and my background, so

Rebecca Gleed  1:33  

say that again, I think it's celebrate. That's not easy.

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  1:37  

Yes, yes, yes, for sure. Um, especially raising children, or a child, which you can, I'm sure, have a whole nother discussion on. But my background is in accounting, so I come from, funny enough, supporting small business owners professionally. Worked for small to mid sized companies in my professional life, and then in 2021 right after COVID, I left and told my husband, I could do this myself. And at the same time as I was kind of building my I call it consulting, but my practice to help small business owners, like with accounting and bookkeeping, the motherhood village was just kind of taking off, which started in 2019 as a podcast, crazy. We just celebrated five years last year and 200 episodes. I took five months off, and this year we're getting back into it, but I needed to kind of decompress and figure out what's next and what this next evolution of the podcast is. But I'm sure, as you know, like it's a great way to just it's just great. It's podcasting. I love it. So anyway, and it started 2019 as a podcast. I needed a creative outlet as a new mom, and from the podcast just grew into this community. And then 2021 motherhood village was officially launched. So at that time, I was trying to build my consulting practice as well as figure out what the motherhood village was becoming. And now fast forward almost four years, motherhood village has taken off. I have a really, really wonderful community, and she'll get the heart of everything I do is supporting and empowering mothers, the everyday mom, particularly in the mental health space, but with regard to connecting them with resources like yourself, the education my podcast and doing workshops and a lot of peer support, so a lot of community events. We have peer support group. And yeah, and my Summit, that's in September. We just launched the magazine. And yeah, so that's, that's kind of everything in the nutshell, yeah.

Rebecca Gleed  3:34  

And I attended your summit in Pompano Beach, and it was incredible, the energy, what you're doing, like a grassroots level and broadly, is truly incredible. Was there a moment that you knew of which path to take, whether to lean into motherhood village, as opposed to, you know, lean more into your accounting?

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  3:54  

That's a great question. I didn't in 2022 things are getting really difficult, because I was like, do I grow a customer base with my consulting? Because at that point I had, I had done like, as many little kind of admin jobs as I could to build a customer base. I had joined the chamber, and I was like, Okay, I need clients now, right? You know, we started this business, and we're like, Oh yeah, well, to get clients. So I was kind of getting scrappy and figuring things out. And I had a couple clients, and I'm like, okay, but then I had so many ideas with the motherhood village, and I was getting burnt out because I was simultaneously trying to grow both of them at the same time. And the you know, a type achiever in me was like, Oh, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do this. And my husband's like, I think you need to choose. And I was like, No, I can do both. And I very quickly realized I couldn't, because they're two totally different things. And my aha moment or my epiphany was other than me. I'm really spiritual and very intuitive. I try to, once I'm in a very like, I don't know which way to go, type of thing. I really try and tap into kind of like, all right, Nicole, like, what? What is this looking like? What is this feeling like? And I try and break that down talk. To God, my higher power, you know, whatever, whatever you believe in. But talking to my kind of center, and I get an email from a local publication called the park lender, and they're like, Hey, we heard about you, and we want to run a story on you. And I'm like, oh, okay, great. And I'm thinking, it's going to be a little thing. No, they end up doing, like, a two page spread of this, like a local magazine. And for me, that was kind of confirmation, because then from there, I got connected to another local publication that wanted me to, like, write articles for them about mom life, and things just started coming out of the woodwork. And I was like, Aha, like, this is it? That was just kind of for me, it was like, that's the Whisper I, you know, Oprah talks about it like the whispers plant, the seeds being planted. And that was confirmation from me. And I was like, Okay, I have my two clients. I will. This is what it is, whatever the universe is calling me to do with this motherhood village and me getting this traction on me. Let me follow that. And that was the best decision I made. And how can a

Rebecca Gleed  5:57  

mom just to translate it to the work that you're doing. How can a mom who's, you know, busy, busy, busy, has all the buzzing going on tap into that whispering, into that, you know, spiritual grounding to be able to even hear what the universe is telling them? Oh, that's

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  6:14  

another great question, because I think over the last year, I was actually shying away from that, and I told my husband, I need to get back into that. But I think because of growing the summit and all the things like, I kind of then went head down and building this and kind of shied away. So I'm actually trying to get back to it. But what I can say, what I'm trying to get back to, that has helped me. And I know it sounds so cliche, and I'm sure you talk about it with your patients, and I think we've even talked about it when you did the workshop for my mom, is finding those quiet moments for myself where I can hear my own thoughts and and even if I do feel guilty, almost like being like this is okay and kind of giving myself the pep talk. It's okay to take some time by myself. It's okay to have a lunch by myself, getting a hard driving don't have yes on just anything like that. Yes, I work out now more frequently than I did before. So that has helped me kind of tap in, because, you know, we're connected to our devices. We're business owners as well. So we're connected to constantly emailing. Our brains are constantly on overdrive. So for me, it was really kind of trying to ignore and eliminate that noise in various ways. So, I mean, I do the quintessential I go to bed early. I started really going to bed early because I realized I needed to get up earlier so I am not stressed in the day, right? My nervous system is kind of elevated. So like when all of those things are working together, I can tap into what I need to tap into is what I'm saying. And if it is out of whack, I, you know, give myself grace and say, Okay, how do we readjust tomorrow? And then to compensate for the mom guilt, I will say, for anyone listening to this is I just balance it out. So my son didn't really like aftercare, so I said, You know what, I'm going to try and get as much work as I can so that I will be home, and that is our time, because I do a lot of evening events too, so I might miss bedtime. So that is my time with him. I take him to school in the morning. So I just find those maker talents exactly, and those elements that have more quality time since I know I am, you know, people are like, you're out everywhere. I'm like, I am, but I'm not as well and I and when I'm home, I'm home. So that's what makes it a little bit easier for me to be like, alright, buddy. I'll miss bedtime tonight, but I'll tonight, but I'll see you in the morning to take you to school. And so that's what kind of has helped for me. But I am trying to tap back into that kind of peacefulness, but I'm getting there.

Rebecca Gleed  8:30  

Yeah, I loved what you said about the podcast. If it's a pause, it's not a stop, to be able to figure out how to better show up, or what it needs, how it needs to transform, just to apply it.

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  8:42  

If I can say, I think sometimes people misconstrue and think that if you pause something or stop something, it means it's over. When I think sometimes, when we can pause and kind of reset, we actually come back better. I almost feel like, if you think of the Boomerang, and then we can kind of shoot further. If we're like, Okay, let's take a step back. So I've learned, truly, to just kind of take step backs when I need to, to pause, to take breaks after the summit, I pretty much take three months off, like I don't analyze, I don't strategize. I mean, I do couple little events, but I don't really make appointments, and I just kind of tap out. And then January, I'm kind of back renewed. So again, finding mom listening, it's okay to stop, or, if you're a business owner, to kind of reset and say, Okay, how are we going to refocus here? Yeah,

Rebecca Gleed  9:24  

the boomerang comes back. Yes. So can you share a little bit about your background, your personal story, and what kind of lights you up? Because something else that stands out to me is you are so service and mission oriented. For moms, tell our audience a little bit more about your personal story.

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  9:44  

Sure, which funny enough you were saying service. And I'm like, where did that come from? And I think it's kind of always been in me, but just in various ways, it's funny. Has one more kids, and we look back at the work that we're doing years later, but yeah, my personal story without, I guess, being here also. Hours after my son was born, I just really struggled. And even prior to my son being born, I found myself in realizing that I had was working, and had worked for a long time for very like entrepreneurial driven business owners, which was great on one side, but then on the flip side, everything was a fire. So already I'm like, explaining this story to let you know, like, I'm already about to give birth with my nervous system, like, out of whack, right? Because everything was a fire. Everything was 911, before I went out for maternity leave, I remember being asked, Well, are you gonna have a C section? So we know when you're gonna come back to the office? Like, these were the kind of conversation. I

Rebecca Gleed  10:38  

know we can hear questions working moms are asked Yes,

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  10:41  

um, like, so inappropriate. So, so just No, and, um, I was like, yes. And they're like, maternity. I was like, No, I'm coming back. This is, like, it was already, you know, kind of like, embedded in me, drilled in me, right? Oh, yeah, I'm gonna come back in this. And then my little guy was born, and I did not want to go back to work. So soon, I knew I wanted to go back, but I was like, No, and I was trying to breastfeed, and this little thing inside of me was awoken, called anxiety, that I just wasn't expecting. I wasn't really an anxious person, and I had all this anxiety, all this fear, all these things. And after the three and I worked during my maternity leave, I did. I was like, Oh, I gotta be that employee. I promised them I would, and it was just a lot. We were very fortunate that for the first six months of my son's life, he was either with me, my husband, family, and then we eventually got a nanny to help us for another year, so he didn't have to go into school until about a year and a half. So that made me comfortable, but when I went back to work. I just couldn't I it was really, really hard. It was almost at four months old, and I remember going to my employer at the time and being like, I am struggling. I you know, can we get Can we get a balance in? Can we figure this out? And what had really

Rebecca Gleed  11:57  

like, stories or memories of like, when you see, like, what did that look like? I

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  12:01  

know, and it was like, seven years, like, if I really, I just felt really overwhelmed, very isolated and just tired. Truthfully, I was breastfeeding, and I was so like, I'm gonna breastfeed, and the pumping actually was probably worse than anything. So figuring out that, and I think the overwhelm of like, Is he okay? And the guilt, right? Like all of these things kept compounding. Then my, my partner and I, which I know you and I have talked of like that, like I'm like, wait a minute, I thought, you know, we did everything right? Like we dated beforehand, like we should have this down pack, but now we're not on the same page, and I'm crucified, not crucifying Him, but you know, I'm resenting him because he could do certain things. So that's building up, you know. Also, I will say at this specific time we moved when my son was six months old. So that was a big transition, that was stressor, that was stressing me as well and us, but yeah, so just a lot of overwhelm, like, and I just felt, remember, cloudy, you know, and figuring out, you know, I had never really, I think, really, to summit, I think a lot of it is, you know, I come from, I'm an accounting background, so, very analytical, very like, this comes this, right? One on one is two, although I can be flexible. And then here's this little person, and there's, like, no schedule. Like, you can try to be on a schedule, but, you know, like, there's just every day could be different, and it was just a lot. And then at the time, I was VP of Finance, so I managed a team. And I do equate to managing a team as as motherhood or parenting to some degree, because you have all these different personalities and you're trying to manage them. And I am a very empathetic and compassionate person at my core. So how do I help them develop in their career, like this very maternal instinct to do good by them. It's like, just passion fatigue, oh yeah, 100% compassion fatigue. And then a part of me, like, not caring. And I think I was also some PTSD of, like, I'm gonna come back. And did I come back so soon? So I had, like, all of these things coming at one time. And then, of course, like I said, a very stressful environment where everything is a fire. So I also have the mommy brain that's still the hormonal parts of me that are still trying to figure out what the hell just happened. I just gave birth a few months ago, and now I'm thrown into the fire like, Oh, do you have those reports, and have you done this? And I'm like, can I get my head right? You know, I barely got sleep last night, so go to my employer to ask for say that again,

Rebecca Gleed  14:22  

sounds overwhelming, that it's interesting. It's we remember more of those feelings. And, like you said, this overwhelm as opposed to specific memories, but you remember the feelings

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  14:33  

100% Yeah, because I'm like, gosh, goodness gracious. I'm like, what could have been? It could have been just someone coming in and asking me something, me being overwhelmed. And, you know, I think the mental load hit me soon, right? And I think, you know, and I don't think really ever goes away. So I think I was really trying to balance what that mental load looked like for me of like, Oh, shoot. Now I have this little person who I adore with every being and fiber of. Me, and how do I balance of loving myself again and my partner? Like, can I even make room? Like, I think that was enough, like I was so overwhelmed with all of these feelings of, like, love, but also frustration, that I'm like, Whoa, it's a lot. Um, so yeah. So definitely remember the feelings more than specific, other than being, you know, trying to get on a schedule to get into work, you know, and being in a very kind of just high level, high stressful working environment, which, I mean, it was work. So it was like, Yeah, we had reports, we had deadlines, and yeah, and then, um, and that kind of pushed me to say, hey, after going through some of that. And then, truthfully, after I left that employer, I never really found home again. And I think another thing I'll say is that career identity, that mattress shift of I had worked so hard. I mean, I had, I was working at a bank at 16. So this tells you how much of a professional environment I had been at 16. I had worked in a bank. So this tells you the professionalism I had at such a young age, and the very like, and my career just took off from there while I was simultaneously going to school for my bachelor's. So I had great jobs, and I'm working up the career ladder. And I was like, Oh, my God, I'm going to be a CFO of a company at some point. Like, all these big aspirations. And then a part of me was like, Well, is it really worth it? Do I really want that? So it was those kind of questions as well. You know, I had worked so hard for this. So after I left that company that I was at for quite a quite a few years, I just never really found home again. I never could find a place that really nurtured working parents or for my found for myself like I just never, like my peg was always not fitting in a place again, where before I felt like I was like, Oh, I got this. I could jump in. It just never fit. And that ultimately is what pushed me to leave and then start the motherhood village. Because I said, Okay, if I am struggling. And you know, my husband and I are both educated College, all the things right, we've I tell everyone, we checked off the boxes of what a successful parent should be, and all the things we had our village, my mom and dad are down the street. My mother in law's down the street. How am I I'm suffering? How are there things that I don't know? And that led me on a path to start the podcast, because I just wanted an outlet. I was like, I want to have honest conversation so that another Mom's not like, Oh shoot. Like, shell shocked as I was, like, this is hard, and maybe not everyone's experiences this way, but at least preparing them to some degree. Like, hey, you should probably, you know, you know that this might be normal type of thing. And that's what just kind of started the podcast. It was my own way of saying, like, maybe I can help someone with the conversation, and then through that, you know, more problem solving came because I talked to a great guest, and I'd say, hey, let's, let's collaborate on a workshop so that we could reach more moms. And then that was kind of my mainframe. How do we reach more moms? How do we, how do we get this information that I'm just learning about to someone else? And then the domino effect happened.

Rebecca Gleed  17:57  

Yeah, what a beautiful gift for organizations and companies listening, how can they be better homes for working moms or parents? Oh,

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  18:09  

that's a loaded question, because I feel like there's so many nuances with it, but ultimately, having compassion and empathy and really listening to your employees. Because truthfully, I think everyone needs something different. I just needed someone to be like, and I was an executive level position, right? I needed someone else in the same kind of thing to look at me be like, we got you. What do you need? And I would have said, you know, what? I need a little. Maybe I just need a couple. It could have like, when I if someone would have just asked me that, I probably would have came back and be like, alright, you know, I'd like to maybe leave early on, like, I just but no one asked me that. And if anything, they took it as me saying I wanted to leave the company like no one had asked me what I needed, and I felt like I was kind constantly fighting for that. So for any business owners listening, yeah, you know, figure out what your employees need, and if there's a specific culture you're trying to have at your company, then again, bringing those bring those employees in, ask them, what it looks like for them. What does it feel like for them? And that's ultimately it, because I might have needed time, and someone else might have needed, you know, something else you know. But ultimately it is having the empathy, the compassion, to just listen and say, hey, what can I do for you? How are you really feeling? And being honest and letting go of the ego that if you don't have the answers, then figure out where you can do to help your employee. There's, thankfully, a lot of organizations that are now into this space. I think parents. Lee is one that there's a few that help. Motherboard is another one that support parents, not just moms. I believe, I think dads to going getting acclimated after maternity leave, or after, you know, having a child adopting as well, and for organizations to build better systems to help working parents. So it's like, do the research. If you don't know, then say I don't know, and let's figure this out together. I

Rebecca Gleed  19:56  

think that's a powerful question that companies organizations can ask. Is. What do you need? And have it come from a place of compassion and empathy? Yes. So one of the beautiful aspects of the motherhood village that stands out to me is that you include and welcome all moms, not just one type or one struggle. So I wanted you, wanted to ask you about what types of struggles stand out to you in terms of moms who come into your space just so maybe they can feel less alone. Like, what do you see?

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  20:33  

I see a lot of I'm like trying to think to so my support groups are really like the heart, and I've been running them now, goodness gracious, for almost three years. And we do two in person and one virtual. And we do to your point, yeah, I mean, we have stay at home moms that go, we have working moms that go. We have moms of multiple kids that have, like, school age to newborns. We have new moms. We have soon to be. Mamas come, and we're all kind of sharing. And at first I remember being like, do I need to pick and I'm like, no, like, there's really nothing like that for all moms, you know. So let it. You know, when everyone's doing right? I'm like, let me go left and let me be the space that just isn't there. Let me create it. And it seems to work, because I think the question basically you're asking is that core element is the mental load of motherhood. That's right, that's that mom that falls on us, universal, that no matter how well intentioned our partners are, how great and supportive our partners are, moms still physically, emotionally, spiritually, all the things take on the load of, or, and I don't want to say burden of, because it's not but that meant just the mental load of all the things, right? Of trying to figure out how is everyone and putting themselves last. So that's a big one. Reconnecting with our partners is another big one. We're constantly coming up of like I'm resenting my partner. We can't we're not communicating, right? Our values? Very big on values. Well, you know, he doesn't want someone watching a stranger watching our kid, but I don't want to be a stay at home mom. So it's the values and that again, that you think, oh, but you know, we're on the same page. And it's like, ah, and then the kid comes and someone thinks left, and someone thinks Right, yeah, compromise Exactly. So yeah, the partners is a big one, finding common ground and the compromise the mental load of motherhood, and I would say with the mom guilt of that as well, not so much. Like some of these moms are like, because, I mean, they come to the group, so some of them come to all of the groups, and they're like, I need this. So the mom guilt is not so much. They may have a little thing about it, but it really is the mental load and how to balance. And probably the third one is how to balance. So whether you're a stay at home mom, it's how to balance their sanity of being home with the kids all day and making time for like themselves. And if their partner is the one working, how do they not have the guilt of being like, well, I want to go out and the partner is like, well, you know, again, right? That values thing, but still balancing for the stay at home mom and for the working mom, of balancing and saying, Okay, well, I work outside the home, and then I come home and have to cook. So what does that schedule look like for me and my family? So that I'm doing stuff for me, I'm spending time with my husband, so it's a balancing act of on both sides. And then, of course, the new moms kind of sit there and they share their fears. And you know, I used to ask them, like, do you get overwhelmed hearing us? And they're like, No. They're like, you know, I'm so happy that I can kind of hear different perspectives. Because obviously everyone's journey is looks different, but the common denominator is, and they'll say, basically, I just need to get my village. And this is why I'm here. I'm like, Yeah, because it's just a venting process. Most of it truly is like, you're like, you're like, I just need a vent. My husband did this, my kids did this. I'm a little overwhelmed because I was with the kids home all day, or, you know, I've been at work all day, and they just need a place to vent. But those are probably the top three things that come up pretty often when

Rebecca Gleed  23:53  

sometimes, when you have these groups, it can become other. But I can attest, in the group that I attended for you, I was so impressed by the this group. They were supportive and cheering each other on and providing tips and tricks without judgment, and like this energy, they're doing something really well. Yeah,

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  24:14  

yeah. I'm very, very, very fortunate that every single woman that has come has that in mind, and I think, I think most of us do. I just think when we see it online, it can come across different. When we see those mom groups or those Facebook groups that we get a little cringy, or people are sounding like they're a little judgmental. I mean, I always preface it, and I think everyone knows, like, I protect my groups. I protect my moms. So the minute we get into a group, I'm like, Listen, this is a safe space. I'm very, also very fortunate that I'm very, what's the word of like, I'm noticed, like, if I see someone like, Oh, this is deeper than just eventing. Like, they probably need to speak with, with Becky, you know. Like, then I, then I can pull them and say, Okay, this is deeper than just a venting. You need a, you know, mom's night. To kind of get it out. This is, this is a little serious, but for the most part, moms just want to be heard. So they just kind of want and they want to be heard, understood and supported. And so I'm very, very fortunate that the moms that are part of this have been fantastic. And I mean different races, different ages, different ethnicities, yeah. So very, very fortunate

Rebecca Gleed  25:20  

for those moms who are struggling maintaining this balance or achieving that balance, what advice would you give them?

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  25:27  

Well, number one, I say that's normal, and that's probably everyone's thing. And I think, and truthfully, I say it's different seasons, like, that's what comes up pretty it's like, listen when you're a new mom and like, your baby's just born, whether you're first, and I only have the one, but from what I've heard with multiples, like you're you're learning all over again, right? You're learning this is a new baby, new things. You're in a different phase now, and I think it's really surrendering to the season that you're in. And that really helped me as well. When my son was little, I chose to want to exclusively breastfed, breastfeed and pump in all the things. That was my decision. So that meant that if he got up in the middle of the night, well, I had to go in and feed him. And yes, I can complain and all the things, but this was a very I was like, Okay, it's a season. It's temporary. It's not gonna last. Like, reminding myself that. And then when we got past it, we got past it. And then, you know, then you started preschool, and then that was a transition. And I think motherhood is about that, you know, like every these different seasons of transitions from newborn to toddlerhood to now he started, he's in first grade, so when he first went to kindergarten. So what, what I would tell these moms is, you know, surrender and really recognize the season that you're in and that season that you're in, you have to determine the type of woman and the type of mom you need to be at that season. So what you need for yourself and the kind of mom. So now my son is in in school age, right? So I think he needs me actually a little bit more. He needs me to be a little bit more present than probably he did three years ago, even though maybe not have seen it at the time, but now, oh no, he's asking me questions. They're doing these gun safety drills. So I'm like, Oh, he needs a much more present mama to be there than before. I even feel when he's like, Mommy, can you come sit next to me? You know, because it's a lot for them to start this transition. So yeah, I kind of tell them, like, this is the season, and if they're in the newborn phase, then you know, it's like, well, yeah, you're you might lose a little sleep in recognizing that season, but also remembering that this too shall pass. And it's not something that's going to last forever. It will go away. And so you go to the next season again, which is why it's so important for mamas to take care of themselves, because you need to really be mentally, physically, emotionally prepared for all of the seasons. That's why truth be at the heart of what I do as moms. Because I'm like, if mom is not good, then everything else kind of trickles down. So, so that's what I say. I just I'm like, you know, it's a season you're in, and for the particular season you're in, what support do you need at the time? What do you need to tell your husband or your partner or your family, and then going from there, because it's going to change. I

Rebecca Gleed  28:05  

love we're kind of back to that question of, what do you need? What does that look like? What support do you need in this season? I also love the idea of surrendering, and also reminding moms that surrendering doesn't mean this permanency. It's a temporary we often feel like we can't see the forest through the trees, but these are seasons, and I can attack like I have an 11 year old, you know, she needs me more. She starts puberty and all of these things, and it looks so different, and it's a different type of surrendering, and it's not permanent. I have that was from those early postpartum days.

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  28:43  

So, yeah, because you don't know until you're in it, right? You don't know until you get through the other side. You're like, oh yeah, I got through it. You're like, Okay, I could get through this, which is at the time, you're thinking, the newborn is the hardest. And you're like, oh, like, we always joke with the moms. We're like, I'm like, Just wait till they can talk. And then they start saying, you know, then they have the big feelings. And you're like, oh my gosh, I'd go back to anything to have a couple sleepless nights for the baby, to just sit there and not have to worry about them running away and getting hurt like you. It's all these perspectives, because it's not until you get out of it that you're like, oh, wait, I survived that. And here comes something else that I wasn't anticipating. And, you know, yeah,

Rebecca Gleed  29:17  

and then speaking about partners and really the strain that this can put on a couple postpartum with, whether it's just the stressors you need to postpartum or maybe you have some other stressors like you experienced in tandem. What advice would you give to perhaps the mom who's like, had a really strong partnership and then right, some of these cracks are highlighted in the postpartum period. What advice would you give her?

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  29:46  

It goes back to the communication. I think for me, I remember my husband looking at me, and was like, because I was really hard at him in the beginning, resenting him, and we had to have a clear cut. Conversation, because I had to put my ego aside and look in the mirror and say, Okay, what are you projecting Nicole? Because at the end of the day for me, this is personally, like, he can go, you know, do a guy's trip. He can do like that. That wouldn't normally bother me. I'd normally go out, you know, I'd have a day out with my girls, like, we have that kind of relationship. So I'm like, why is this triggering for you? Now, I was like, Oh, it wasn't that he was leaving the deeper part of it was the fact that he could just do it without feeling guilt, and I could not. So it wasn't about him, it was about me. So, and that's it took many years for me to get to a healing place, to be self aware in that way. So I tell moms in that instance when we have our things and they're just kind of asking for advice. I'm like, You got to look deep and say, What is this triggering about the situation that is either one something coming from you? Because it really wasn't about him, like I said, it was more so like, goodness, how could he just do this and not feel guilty and not have a ounce of stress about him going to bed early and what tomorrow's going to look like? He's just like, he's just like, Nope, I'm gonna go to the gym See you in a couple hours. And I'm like, mind blown. Mind blown. Yep, mind blown. And then I realized in talking to experts like yourself, of like, oh, but after having children, our body does we are physically altered. You know, our scientific nature is altered after having kids, so it's also understanding that as well and making peace with it. But yeah, I mean, I would say, if you're having that with your partner, communicate it. You know, if when you do this, I feel this way, and I'm feeling this from a place of because of this, right? Again, going back to that intuitive nature of, like, what do I really want? What is this really screaming to me? Is it really this, or maybe it's showing up as something else? And the only way to know that is to get centered with yourself, which I know can be very hard. We're in the thick of postpartum, which is why, ultimately, it's just the communication, you know, like when you're doing this. I feel this way, how can we, how can we get there? And I will say, for us, and it took many years, truthfully, where I felt like we were kind of like, okay. And again, still a work in progress, still seasons, right? Because our great. Now we're dealing with a medical thing. So now my husband has one way, like we're in it, we're flowing. And now here's a medical issue. I want to go this way. He wants to go that way. Okay, here's another challenge. Now we have to come together. So I think it's, it's the same, it's that, what is that old thing that they say with couples like, you know, you attack the problem, not each other, and say, How are we going to come together, like all of that stuff, but it's, it's true, right? And saying, Okay, if this is my partner, this is the person who is the father of my child, right? If we're talking in that level, we're married, or we're together, and this is the person, then what do we have to do to overcome this problem? And I think ultimately that, you know, is it therapy, and sometimes it takes that, or is it maybe we need more time. Maybe we need to put it on the calendar and say, Okay, we have to meet every day to reconnect. And for us, that was one of our biggest things. Like we felt like we just weren't we weren't doing the things we did prior to having our son, which obviously things changed. So we were like, Okay, how do we how do we get to that, which we also don't talk about, like the fact that then you grow together. I'm 41 when we got together, I was 20. What was that? 20 something different person from 20 something years old to now 41 years old. So we're also growing as individuals. Hence why I think, you know, raising children with someone, no matter what, is just difficult because you're you're evolving as well while you're trying to raise this little person. So communication, ultimately, communicate, communicate, communicate and find time for you two to to do something other than talk about kids. I

Rebecca Gleed  33:32  

think that will be so helpful for our listeners. I'm hearing two big pieces. Is hold up that big mirror so you can see what, what's coming up for me, as opposed to maybe projecting on our partners, and that could come through so many different forms, journaling, therapy, the motherhood village, and how do you healthfully communicate that to your partner, to incredible, tangible tips that I think will resonate? Yeah, I mean, they

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  34:01  

felt me. I was in it, right? So that's kind of what I had to do. I had to look in the mirror and say, okay, is this about him, or is this really about you? It's like, Ah, it's mostly about me. Yeah, I can sit here and fight and argue and say, but you shouldn't, and you couldn't, but I'm like, but no, that's not a marriage. I married a man who likes to travel and do certain things. So what? I shouldn't tell him he can't do this or play basketball with his friends. No, I wouldn't want him telling me. So I had to really kind of dig deep and say, Ah, it's deeper than just him going it's because I feel like I can't

Rebecca Gleed  34:32  

I want to make sure to give plenty of time and space to highlight all that you're offering. It's truly incredible the work that you're doing. And I can you speak to a few different components of of your organization, sure.

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  34:51  

I call it the octopus, the octopus, that's perfect, yes. So at the core motherhood village, you have the podcast. Just coming back, very, very excited. Took a much needed break, but coming back clear different topics being maybe even a little particular of the of the discussions that I'm having and who I'm talking with. So podcast, I have my support groups, and as I mentioned, we do twice in person, but we also offer now the virtual option, which I've had moms come from out of state, or those moms that can't make it in person that do live in South Florida, so that's been good. That is the last Thursday of every month. So you have the community aspect of that. I do community events, where I'll partner with a local mall, the library, and we'll do community events, but instead of just putting on this fun event for the kids. Again, families education, I connect them with family friendly resources. So maybe it's a therapist, it could be a pediatrician, a dentist, right? Connecting. There's that connecting piece to resources. Then I also do fun workshops and serious workshops. You did a workshop for my moms that was really about that working motherhood aspect. So we do some of that. Tonight is a goal setting workshop and trying to think like other, like random, we had a sex therapist come in and talk to the moms. So workshops and classes trying to think, what else my Summit, and that's more for personal development, that is every September, where it's a conference, just like any motivational Personal Development Conference, except it's a space for moms to go again, any kind of mom, I feel like, you know, they say it's the hardest job. So I'm like, where is the conference to have a mom feel empowered and inspired? So that's what the motherhood village Summit is.

Rebecca Gleed  36:34  

Because I guess, just like, add to this, this was beyond the conference for moms, there were beautiful vendors cocktail hour. I mean, the panel was such a beautiful, yeah, truly, you pulled these beautiful panelists who were just incredible. And then the energy that was brought by this group was truly, if you have an opportunity to attend this Summit in September, and maybe you can give a few more details. I'm assuming registration is opening at some point. Yes, that this is, this is big and important for moms. Yeah,

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  37:15  

thank you. Yeah. We are changing venues. So it was at home two suites for three years. But we've kind of outgrown the space. The hotel that I've partnered with now is the Embassy Suites and resort. They have a spa. So now moms that they stay for the weekend, they can get discount at the spa. In essence, I wanted a one stop shop. So all the events, the happy hour, the night before, the mix and everything is now on site. So our Thursday, Friday, Saturday night events are all there, just different aspects of the hotel. It's closer to the water, so basically right on the beach we have child care. Yeah, it really is a spectacular weekend, and I was so, so grateful that you could attend. And this year's theme is actually more than a mom. So last year was navigating, navigating a motherhood with grace. And this year we're going to talk about the different core identities with motherhood and being you know that it's okay to be that we are more than a mom. We always kind of lead with mom, and that's okay if we're like, oh, I'm a boy mom, girl mom. But I think sometimes then we can get lost in that. So we're going to tap into that this year. And yeah, so yeah, the summits. And then we launched the magazine, which is a quarterly magazine that I say it's parenting meets glamor, where we have, like, beauty tips from a beauty editor. But then there's like, fun parenting stuff, and that is launched quarterly. I'm trying to think if I missed anything else, so, yeah, yeah. I mean, workshops, Summit, support groups,

Rebecca Gleed  38:34  

yeah, with this magazine launching, how do folks get their hands on it? How do they actually,

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  38:40  

yep, if you go to the mother there's two ways, um, if you go to my Instagram, the motherhood village one, you can at the link in bio, there's a way. Or you could just go to my website, under shop at the motherhood Village com, you'll be able to purchase it that way, and then it gets sent to your house. So they're print on demand. I want to say it takes seven to 10 business days or so, but we have a company that manufactures them for us, print on demand, so either my website or link in my bio on Instagram.

Rebecca Gleed  39:11  

Awesome. Yeah. And who for the summit? Like, who should sign up? Is this great

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  39:16  

question? That's a great marketing business question, um, who should sign up? And you know, if you're, if you're a mom, no, truthfully, if you're a mom needing community, if you're a mom that is feeling not motivated, not inspired, maybe feeling a little like, you know, overwhelmed, isolated, then the summit is for you. If you, you know, need a girls weekend. If you need time for yourself to reset and refocus, then this is for you. If you're a caregiver. I've had grandparents come. I have moms who have kids who are older that attend, because I will say this as much it is as it is the motherhood village Summit, and obviously my target and my attendees are moms. Problems, the topics are interchangeable. This may be the one that's probably more so with motherhood, because it is more than a mom. And we're going to talk about my trust ins and identities and stuff, but I think any woman can attest to that. So I've actually had some women attend that don't have kids, but maybe they're in the space of helping families so and I'm proud of that, you know? Because I think when we do think of motherhood, we think of like the baby stuff and the breastfeeding, and I'm like, No, but it's the mental stuff that we need, really, the help with, right? How to, how to, you know, the questions you were asking, how do we talk to our partner? How do we balance this? How do we, you know, get back to our identity, or do we ever get back there and we just have to grieve that, right? These are the kind of conversations I love to have so, yeah. So if you're any of those kind of moms, then the summit is for you. Yeah,

Rebecca Gleed  40:44  

it's funny you say that, because at my table, I was sitting next to one who was childless, but she worked with moms of teens who was there, and then another was a sister of one of the panelists. But as I was talking to her, we were naming all of the different ways that she mothers, whether through her students or nieces and nephews and like, yes, this space is is for everyone. Yeah, that way that. And we had a blast. It was so fun.

Speaker 4  41:12  

Yeah, cool. Thank you. And that's good to know any other

Rebecca Gleed  41:17  

with pieces of wisdom that you would impart to our audience, listeners,

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  41:22  

if you are struggling, it's okay to ask for help. Don't try to be the martyr. You know, I think a lot of times we want to do it all, you know, I think more times than not, especially our partners do want to be there for us. They just maybe not. And that was one of the things I meant to say that my husband had told me he was like, you know, sometimes you make me feel bad for, you know, certain things. He's like, you'll make me feel less confident. He's like, I feel like you're always critiquing me. And I'm like, ooh, am I, you know? So I had to, so, yeah, you know, I think sometimes we gotta let our partners, you know, let our village in, right? Like, really, whatever that village looks like for you. I've had moms that said they've had to create their own village, and again, whatever that looks like, you know, tapping into your child's school, you know, making play dates, like being proactive with it. But I think ultimately, if anyone listening, I'd say, you know, find the quiet time and the space to say, what does Nicole need at this time? What does Becky need right at this time? And then however, you can get that again, whether it's tapping into a village, relying on family, a partner, maybe getting professional help, but really spending time to invest for yourself, to figure out what it is that you are needing, what it is that you don't have enough of will help serve you. Which will better than which will, more than anything, serve your family and your children? Yeah,

Rebecca Gleed  42:40  

and since this is on audio, I just want to let the listeners know that as you were imparting this wisdom, I could tell you were like listening to the whispers as you close your eyes, you were breathing. And so I really just have to point that out, that this that sounded from the heart and tapped into the whisper, thank you for coming on. Where can everyone find you? Yes,

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  43:06  

so you can all the things, podcast episodes, virtual events. Again, if you're not local to South Florida at the motherhood village.com you can find me on Instagram at the motherhood village one, as well as Nicole G Cumberbatch for all of my professional stuff that I do. I do have a mothers in business tier that I started my cohort, and that's really me just helping moms in business and, yep. So motherhood village.com though ultimately, will take you to all the things. And I do have a newsletter. I want to put that out there, because the newsletter, I try and pack it with information as well. So the newsletter you can you can register through the website. I

Rebecca Gleed  43:44  

love your newsletter, by the way, it's so informative and resource. So everybody sign up.

Nicole Gonzalez-Cumberbatch  43:51  

Appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you so much. Becky for this opportunity. Good luck with the podcast. I'd love this for you, and I hope to see you at the summit again this year. Yes,

Rebecca Gleed  44:00  

I'll be there See you in September. Bye.

Speaker 2  44:06  

If you would like to learn more about how we can help, visit our website at perinatal reproductive wellness.com, and while you are there, check out the latest edition of our book, employed motherhood. We also invite you to follow us on social media at employed motherhood. Finally, if you enjoyed listening to the show, please subscribe and rate it. Thank you. Applause.