Chasing the Rainbows: Creating Community in the Aftermath of Grief

This episode features Bernice Quesenberry, CEO and Founder of Chasing the Rainbows. This is a heartfelt and empowering episode that dives deep into trauma, healing, and hope, covering reproductive conditions, pregnancy loss, secondary infertility, and infant loss. 

Bernice is a certified trauma-informed care specialist and national nonprofit leader who brings compassion, insight, and authenticity to conversations that matter.

Her story features resilience, expert discussions on mental health and trauma-informed care, and practical guidance for individuals and families navigating grief, crisis, and recovery. With her background in biology, marketing, and public service—including her roles on local advisory boards—Bernice blends science, empathy, and advocacy in a way that uplifts and inspires.

Transcript

Bernice Quesenbery 00:00:00  Looking back. Of course, hindsight's always 2020, so anyone listening, if you ever feel like something is off with you or your baby or your pregnancy or your body, go seek help. And if you're not getting the questions, your answers, go find somebody else.

Announcer 00:00:14  Welcome to Perinatal and Reproductive Perspectives. This is a podcast where we empower birthing individuals, partners, and health professionals with evidence based insights, holistic strategies, and relatable stories hosted by a health care expert. This podcast fosters understanding, equity and growth in perinatal and reproductive health. Here's your host, Becky Morrison lead.

Becky Gleed 00:00:48  I am beyond excited to introduce a special guest this morning, Bernice Quisenberry. She is the founder of Chasing the Rainbows. Before starting the episode, I do want to offer a trigger warning. We are going to cover pretty broadly pregnancy loss and fertility and infant loss. So for anyone who might be activated by this, I wanted to let you know in advance. We are covering some sensitive topics today, but Bernice, thank you for coming on.

Becky Gleed 00:01:18  Share with our audience a little bit about yourself.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:01:22  Yes. Hi, Rebecca. Thank you so much, Becky, for having me. Yes. So everyone out there, just a little bit of history on myself. I was always a career woman and at the age of 25, I was blessed to have my son. Bryson went on to be a single mom, met my husband and later in life at the age of 31, and then him and I never thought that we wanted more children, but we then, meeting and falling in love, decided that we wanted to. So we started to try to have children, and during that time we were realizing that that from surgery, surgeries that I've had over the years and different people, periods and things like that since I was younger. Finding out that PCOS and endometriosis were two different is that I was dealing with reproductively and having surgeries with getting cysts removed, and different things really hindered us trying to get pregnant and be able to sustain a pregnancy. So we had to dive in a little bit into a secondary infertility journey where we had to track everything, gesture and shot, and then we were able to get pregnant after I was two and a half years of trying.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:02:31  And when we got pregnant, we were about seven weeks in and I had just trigger warning. I had some blood and all these things, and I, I definitely thought I was miscarrying. So my husband took me or we went into the hospital. We went and got checked and they said there was a miscarriage or it could have been in planning of your placenta, but just go home and you have another fetus in there and continue on your pregnancy. And we went on to have a healthy pregnancy until it wasn't. Around 28 weeks, I went in for a routine doctor's appointment, and I noticed there was a little bit of old blood coming out, which is fine and normal during pregnancy. But then come to find out that here it was. Old blood was eroding my placenta, which happens in less than 1% of people. And so here I was, put on bed rest in the hospital and then having to deliver her early at 28 weeks. But Brooke was completely healthy. We didn't have any issues with her.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:03:23  She was fully developed. She just really needed to grow in the NICU. And after five and a half weeks of being in there, ten hour days, marathon holds, hearing all the alarms, going through everything, we got the worst call of her life. And it was March 16th at 4 a.m. and we were told that she was throwing up breastmilk and her belly got hard. So we went into the NICU and within six hours we weren't sure what was going on. The doctors weren't sure there was different things and that they thought it could be. And within six hours she started crashing. And then she ultimately, after an hour of trying to resuscitate her, she ended up dying in my arms. And when that happened, the hospital gave us a list of resources. But we had to leave that day. Empty arms. We left with, you know, a dress, a couple. Like pictures. A teddy bear. Things that aren't going to replace our daughter. We were grateful for all those items, but we were then given a list of resources which I reached out to all of them.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:04:19  And either they only had a once a month support group here or there, or they didn't really have any resources, or they told me, or they just kept giving me endless lists of other nonprofits. And it was just really frustrating because this was a trauma and its trauma of infertility of itself. Great. And then. Yeah, and the miscarriage and then this and, you know, just feeling like, where do we go? Where do we turn? And then that's really what helped spearhead Chasing the Rainbows. You know, I called around to different therapists, and my husband and I were blessed that we could afford to pay out of pocket. And I still couldn't get a call back saying that my daughter died in my arm and that we can pay her 250, 500, Whatever. It is an hour. Please, just call me back. And I couldn't get a call back. And that to me, when you're needing or seeking support, why don't we have it readily accessible here in the United States, and especially now, being more virtual and having these tools and options.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:05:09  So that's what catalyst this. And in September 2022, after I needed a time to process and work through things, we went on to get pregnant twice after losing Brock and then also founding Chase and the rainbows, and we started out doing three support groups a day, sorry and peer mentorship. Then from there we do now up to four support groups a day. We have 17 every week and they're each for the desperate, specific category. We also have peer mentors where we partner someone with a similar lived experience. And then we also do our podcast, which is Crying Out loud, where we talk all about living after these types of traumas and losses, any kind of work trauma. Then we also do individual trauma therapy, which is huge, and that we don't run insurance or do any of those things, and we offer that for survivors to get them in immediately to talk and process, because the first three months are the most crucial. And if there's a wait list or you can't get in somewhere, it's really defeating when you're finally getting the courage to reach out.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:06:07  So we want to make that easy for someone. We also do yoga, breathwork, meditation, and the system regulation videos. We're all about mindful movement and making sure that we're all about processing and sitting with and being with, instead of moving on and letting go, because that's not what baby loss is. We also do private chat communities for each of these different communities or wealth that you're going through. So let's say you were dealing with infertility, but now you're pregnant after loss. So we want to make sure that you go to the right community to talk to individuals together. And then we also do coping care packages, special cards. And then a big one this year is really doing community event and around our support services that are free to community members, to survivors, and also just building awareness around this type of complex That's trauma and grief that wasn't addressed all the time and I didn't know how to handle it. So that's really us and myself in a nutshell. What kind of got us here?

Becky Gleed 00:07:03  Thank you for sharing your story.

Becky Gleed 00:07:05  And I love this summary that you provide. I for anyone listening. Bernie's just highlighted not just a podcast, but trauma therapy, support groups, and emphasis on yoga and breathwork. This is, I mean, what a call to action and support for anyone who's been through anything, what you've been through. And I think to lose a child, Brooke, it's a parent's worst nightmare. And then help seek and not have anyone return your phone calls. Just the complexity of the trauma experienced here. And so if we can go back, let's give more space to a few different pillars if you're up for it. The first be some of these reproductive conditions and then the pregnancy complications. And I also heard a miscarriage in your experience too. And then let's give space to Brooke in terms of the infant loss. So if we start with your reproductive conditions, which is we could do a whole episode just right there.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:08:18  No.

Becky Gleed 00:08:19  But you've experienced endometriosis and PCOS. Can you share with the audience what those are and how you personally experience them?

Bernice Quesenbery 00:08:29  Absolutely, Becky, I would love to.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:08:31  So I started having I didn't get my period until late in life, so I was around 16 years old when I finally got my menstrual cycle. And so I had really painful periods and back in the day. Unfortunately, you go to the doctors and they would put you on birth control pills, and then it was kind of just covered up and like, this is just normal, like everybody deals with this team and things like that. But I could tell that there was something more going on as a person, as a woman, we can feel and we're very intuitive with these. Yeah. So it wasn't until I had my first son right after that when it really flared, which I was really experiencing like heavy, heavy periods where like, I mean, sorry not to get graphic or anything, but just having to change things out every 30 minutes or I would just go through things and that's not normal. Like you're at work and all of a sudden you start gushing and it's like, oh my gosh, you can't get it to stop.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:09:27  And then also that was in tune with the pain and everything like that, but also with Justin fibroids that were rupturing or that I had going on simultaneously. And so they always wanted to really address the cyst and things like that. So I had a couple surgical procedures to remove different larger cysts and things that were very hindering and painful and that weren't, you know, because every menstrual cycle you get assessed. But when they start to hang around and have a party in there, you know, you really gotta take care of them. So and when you're addressing those, especially in my 20s, I was addressing these with the doctors because getting surgeries, but we weren't really addressing how is this going to affect my reproductive journey if I want to have more children? Because we were just focused on getting the pain and bleeding under control each year.

Becky Gleed 00:10:10  So you you talked about, you know, getting it taken care of, but that's a whole thing to go in and have fibroid cysts removed. And I would hate to gloss over.

Becky Gleed 00:10:22  What was that like for you?

Bernice Quesenbery 00:10:25  Yeah. Thanks, Becky. Oh my goodness. Right. You know, I think because of her story being so like much about Brooke, I never really actually, like, sat down and digested as much, you know, of the intricacies. But you're right. This really was like me missing work a lot. Like, for probably five years, I was in and out of the hospital because when my periods weren't going away and all of a sudden I was soaking through pads and pads and pads. It was like. And I would wear diapers. Like, I was like, double padding, double champ running, like all of the things. And then also I was like, crying over, like curling, like throwing up just in pain and stuff like that. And so what that is, you're almost at least for me, I felt gaslighted by every provider I was seeing in my 20s because they were just like throwing different birth control pills at me. They were throwing different, almost pharmaceuticals instead of really looking into or doing further testing.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:11:17  And maybe we didn't have it then either. So I don't want to like misspeak or anything, but it's just but it was horrible because, like, I was missing so much work, I seemed unreliable. It was just like so many things. And then also, I was a mom trying to take care of my son while dealing with all of this and just wasn't getting any answers. Like I said, they were just going and doing an operation, sending me home, and then I'd be on bed rest for five days, healing or whatever that looked like, and then I could go back to work. But then the next people would come And every time I would go to the bathroom, I'm like, is this going to happen again? And am I going to be in a meeting where all of a sudden I just go right through my pants and I'm like, left? And it's embarrassing. Like, I have to be the last one in the room waiting for everybody to leave, tying my business jacket around my waist and going to a business.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:12:02  And in your 20s, you're just trying to figure out life. You're trying to figure out being a young professional or whatever you're doing. And it's just it's so hard when you're dealing with this on top.

Becky Gleed 00:12:11  Of course. So then let's pivot into PCOS, endometriosis. Was there a journey to get that formal diagnosis or diagnosis?

Bernice Quesenbery 00:12:23  Yeah. You know, it's really interesting. PCOS was first. So that one was in my early 20s. And just realizing with the heavy periods and things like that. But then like I said, it was really like went into effect after I had my son at 25 and that's when I really, really started to notice it. But yes, when I was in my early 20s, endometriosis actually didn't come in until we made our way to another hospital with one of our rainbow babies, and I was open for my C-section, and I thought my people were all associated at this time with PCOS. But then they noticed all the scar tissue in there. And then looking back on my medical records, because then we've had other doctors to kind of go through, like what I've been through over these years.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:13:04  And then also just taking really a good look at Brooke's walk because I had so many. Like guilt, shame and blame feelings around it. And that's when we found out that I did have an official miscarriage. Like all of these things all rose at once. And it was a lot. So the enemy was like, I finally just made sense of all my life. Like I was going through worse. Let me explain what it is with all the scar tissue, what I feel like, all the things that this could be. What I've been dealing.

Becky Gleed 00:13:31  Yeah. And for someone listening who might not know what you're talking about with scar tissue in the context of endometriosis, can you tell our audience what that means? What that is?

Bernice Quesenbery 00:13:43  Yeah. So it's like sticky tissue. And for me, it's like sticking inside of my uterus. Like it affects so many things with trying to get pregnant and things like that. Now we have an episode on our podcast about endometriosis and would love for listeners to tune in to one too.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:13:58  Becky. Yeah, and we also have a maternal fetal medicine doctor segment in there. So if anyone's listening and you have questions for a maternal fetal medicine doctor, she answers them on the podcast. Because for me, I had a lot of swirling questions. Did I call this or anything like that? So we want to make sure we address questions. But yeah, so and I'm still learning because I just got the diagnosis three years ago and well, sorry, two years ago because when we delivered her. And so looking at it on top of that, alongside of having C-section, it was understanding too, the complications that go in with all of that and then also getting pregnant and the complications with endometriosis. So when they had be open with our first rainbow baby after Brook, my doctors actually went in and cleaned out all my scar tissue. And then when we had the follow up C-section of our additional rainbow baby, they did. It was all back. So like, they cleaned me out again. And so it just for me, it's really painful periods, really heavy periods.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:14:56  So yeah, that's that's really the depiction. And I knew what I was feeling. It was not normal compared to others. When they go through their menstrual cycles you don't have these conditions.

Becky Gleed 00:15:07  Yeah. And when you say clean me out you're talking about correcting. Sorry. And to me, no that's okay that's why. And I think what I also want to highlight for anyone listening is for endometriosis. It often you can't diagnose until you're in there and you can see oh there's all this scar tissue. And so the diagnosis can be very tricky because of that component. So thank you for underscoring that because many people don't know.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:15:37  Yes. And for the official diagnosis, you're so spot on from what we've gathered and heard to. It's only through surgical procedures or through that, because there's nothing else. At least I've not had any other ways of being told or said how. But you're right, it is through that way. Invasive.

Becky Gleed 00:15:55  So outside of the endometriosis and PCOS. Were there any other conditions that you experienced that we can share with the audience?

Bernice Quesenbery 00:16:04  Yeah.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:16:05  So no, that was really, you know, pregnancy after loss then for me was very heightened. You know, going through our journey and then also learning of Brooke's twin that we miscarried, it was all so much to uncover. And it just goes back to like that gaslighting and like, I hate to use that term, but it's just for a lack of another one where I go into the hospital bleeding and they're sending me home. They're like, oh, it could be this or this, but just go home and, you know, and almost that's why I don't necessarily like the word miscarriage. I use it, we use it on our website. We use it on social media because that's like the word that gets picked up. But it's almost implying I'm like, misplacing my keys or I'm misplacing something else. It's just very nonchalant. No big deal. Move on. And I'm like, well, we just glazed over a twin that, you know, should have. And it really did. It still something that working through because like I said, everything was very much like about Brooke and the glaring trauma.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:17:00  But then like when you dive into all these other things, it's really just processing it.

Becky Gleed 00:17:05  Yeah. If we make space in this moment for the twin, like, what would come up with you?

Bernice Quesenbery 00:17:11  Oh my gosh, I know and like this time of year two. So Brooke was born on February 6th and then we lost her on March 16th. So like this time of year is always. So I not that I apologize for crying, but if I start to get emotional, but I think it's hard because my husband was a twin and is a twin. So and I see that bond in that relationship. And then I also have a niece and nephew who are twins. And I just see, you know, that. And it just I think from more like never being really given the opportunity to grieve over Brooke's twin is what's really hard. And taking this long to get answers and to find out, it just doesn't make me feel like that crazy, hormonal woman anymore. But we still struggle with, like, are we going to name Brooke's twin? And if we do, what are we going to name them? What do we believe the sex of the baby is? It's all those swirling questions and things that, like survivors go through and like we're still dealing with.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:18:08  And it's something that, like I said, was brushed under the rug for so long and like just trying to navigate it is so difficult. But I think that's why I'm even more grateful to for our community of survivors who like talking it through with them and with hearing how they do things. It's nice because then I can form my own way and figure it out. So I'm trying my best to work with it in process. But thank you so much for asking because it's interesting. Not a lot of people do, so it means a lot.

Becky Gleed 00:18:35  Yeah, and you're certainly not alone in feeling gaslit. This is such a complex trauma, complex grief experience, so nuanced, so deeply personal. I've never heard the same story twice. And you go into an Ed, or you go into your OB and you're deduced to, I don't know, ten minutes in a piece of paper. It's horrifying.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:19:00  Yes it is. And the way that we're treated. Right, that might be the doctor's 10th loss of the day, but that's like our only personal loss, right? So we're going in there.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:19:08  We. I understand you have more important things going on. This isn't life threatening. I understand that, but this loss rate is so personal to me. This is my baby. And it's like we're not given any space to really grieve. And then also on top of that, to feel like. And they're saying this from a medical perspective, like, oh, you can go on to have more kids or oh, hey, you still have one in there. Good luck. Go home. You're fine. Just rest and then you're bleeding. Should stop. And if it doesn't, call us in a week and it's. Whoa. This is what whirlwind like I'm spinning out. I'm spinning out. And you're sending me home now and everything's fine. Like I'm so confused. And I think with traumas and these being so complex with the birth and everything that a woman has to go through, and then if we decide to put ourselves through it again, like getting pregnant again and having to relive all of her traumas all over again, but also as a woman, having a menstrual cycle was very triggering and was very triggering.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:20:01  And so it can be very triggering for me. So anybody out there listening in over years out from their losses, I feel you. I'm still there too with menstrual cycles and things I'm really affecting. So yeah.

Becky Gleed 00:20:12  What an invitation for anyone listening if you need support. Bernie's through. Chasing the rainbows is here and has that personal lived experience. If we pivot into more of the pregnancy complications, can you speak a little bit more about your experience there?

Bernice Quesenbery 00:20:28  Yes, yes, and I would love to touch on this because I'm such a huge advocate for people just going in and getting checked by their doctors, not doing the juice. Not doing the jumps. Not doing any of that stuff? No. Go right in. So for. Yeah. So in seven weeks I'll talk about this a little bit. When I started feeling cramping and and bleeding and all of those things. I was at home, so I waited a couple hours because I called my doctor and she was like, well, this is probably happening, but, you know, we want to get you in and get you checked.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:20:56  Can can you come in the morning? So, I mean, I didn't sleep at all that night. Of course I didn't write because I was like cramping and just running to the bathroom and then having my son there and everything. And at that time, two, my husband was out of town. I'm so sorry I misspoke earlier when I was like, remembering the story. He was out of town, so I had to call my mom and dad to my dad, came over to be with our son, and then I went to the hospital with my mom. So I'm. Yeah.

Becky Gleed 00:21:17  Just quickly, if I can quickly interject, it was actually your dad who I initially connected with, and he said, you have to come to Bernie's. I just found him so lovely. And I just want to just put a spotlight on your dad for a hot minute. That he's. He's part of this work, too? Yeah.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:21:38  Grandfather's grave too. So, like. Oh, Betty, thanks for mentioning him.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:21:42  Oh. So, yes, he is finally able to repurpose his pain and grief, too, with losing Brooklyn and her twin in this journey. And so my dad was always global logistics. And so he worked for large companies like Pfizer and Harley-Davidson. They contracted him for his knowledge. And then when he retired, he this gives him that purpose. So he like completely devotes himself to doing outreach and all of the things. So I'm so glad that you were able to connect with him. And he's very passionate about grief and trauma support, as you can tell. I'm sure through his messages on LinkedIn.

Becky Gleed 00:22:14  Yes. He's he's yeah, he warmed my heart. So I just want to quickly. So you call your mom and your dad? Yes.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:22:22  Of course. Yes, yes. So they were alongside this journey with us for our secondary infertility. Every time I was getting surgeries, my parents were there helping with the kids and the dogs and all the things. Yeah, they were very much an intricate part, so they felt everything we were going through.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:22:37  So my mom was the one that went into the hospital with me. We had the ultrasound. She got to see her grandbaby for the first time and then in the same breath, learned that probably lost one, like all the things. And so we went into the hospital and they were doing the first of all, it took three hours for them to tell me that we have a baby or like they and me left the room and they said, the doctor wants to read the results. And I'm like for three hours. So she was in a birth. I understand that, but get another doctor, get somebody else. I was sitting there nauseous, just like, oh my goodness, did we just become that statistic? We always knew it was a possibility, but now we're here. Oh my gosh. And I remember piecing the room in my hospital gown piece in the hospital because I was freaking out. And they're telling me I have to lay down. But like, how in this moment can you not be spiraling out in a small little room waiting to be told if you have a baby or, you know? So it just really spearheaded all of that.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:23:31  And then from there getting sent home. You know, I did. I did that for a couple of days. I felt very uneasy about everything. And I felt like almost there was like, I could just tell something was off. Even though we went on to have a healthy pregnancy until it wasn't. In that moment, I should have advocated for myself more. I should ask more questions because I think, looking back, of course, hindsight's always 2020. So anyone listening, if you ever feel like something is off with you or your baby or your pregnancy or body, go seek help. And if you're not getting the questions, your answers, go find somebody else. Because in the end, right? Like we they have our lives and our babies lives in their hands. So you need to feel completely confident. I felt this personal connection to my doctor at the time, so I didn't seek out a second opinion, and I wish I would. So we went in a 27 week. I noticed a quarter sizable blood that came out.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:24:23  I called my doctors, I had a normal routine doctor's appointment and I went in for it. I went to the hospital to get scanned by an ultrasound. They scanned me. They said everything looked great. They sent me home. They told me to cancel my neck bleep filter sound because I don't need it anymore because I just had one. Well, selfishly, I wanted pictures and we already hit our deductible for the year. So I kept that ultrasound. I went in, got pictures, but when we were in there sorry we didn't get pictures when we were in there for a picture ultrasound, what we thought was going to be they said there's no fluid anywhere. You need to be on bed rest in the hospital immediately. And then we ended up delivering her within two days because there was nothing and I didn't notice the fluid coming out. So that's the thing to, you know, when you're pregnant and you're at like anywhere beyond 25 weeks, like if you laugh or sneeze or cough like you don't know what it is.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:25:07  So and honestly, like that's kind of normal, like sweating and stuff. So I didn't notice anything. And it was very nonchalantly because my placenta was eroding, but they couldn't see it in an ultrasound. They couldn't see it anywhere. Nothing was showing that I was leaking fluid anywhere. They were shocked. And so they immediately rolled me through the hospital, put me on bed rest. They started popping me full of antibiotics. They started giving me just a bunch of steroids because it was going to be born at 28 weeks. They wanted to make sure her lungs were fully developed, so they hit me hard with those things. But after two nights. So I wasn't sleeping in the hospital. Of course not. I was put in the long term wing now of the hospital, and in there for two nights. They kept waking me up, saying her heart because I was finally able to fall asleep. But every time I did, they would wake me up to give me apple juice because they were like, hey, we can't.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:25:55  Her heart rate's tanking. You need to do something. And they were trying to keep her inside me as long as they could. After two days, though, I mean, they're trying to get to 36 weeks, and that just wasn't a possibility at that point. Yeah. So went in for emergency C-section. My husband was able to be in there because they didn't need to knock me out for emergency, but they like, flew me through the hallway emergency. We got her out in time. She was completely healthy. Like I said, I really wanted everybody to fly to her and just get her the help she needed. And then they they I that was not the time that I had anything taken care of. Or was he even told about having endometriosis. So during that C-section, because their main focus was just getting broke down and sewing me back up. Yeah. And that. That's understandable at 28 week. Bernice, when you.

Becky Gleed 00:26:40  Say there wasn't fluid for anyone who might not know what that means.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:26:44  Oh, I apologize. Yes. Amniotic. Amniotic fluid. So around our baby and inside the placenta is fluid. So it was slowly leaking. And normally when your water break after a full pregnancy, you notice a big gush. And it smells. And it's it smells like fishy. Like for at least, you know, from when I, you know. and then also what it's a different kind of consistency than urine. However, mine was coming out so slowly I wasn't noticing it. And it would only be when I was in specific positions, which is interesting. So like a lot of times it was when I was laying down. So I thought maybe I was just peeing the bed a little bit, just to be honest. Because that happens with pregnancy. So I thought maybe I wasn't able to bladder control the way she was laying. She was also like sitting, lying. Her position was low to everything. So just like the perfect storm. Honestly.

Becky Gleed 00:27:33  Yeah, and it sounds like you weren't sleeping.

Becky Gleed 00:27:35  And then I'd also love to hear about how you experienced the emergency C-section.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:27:41  Yes, yes. So, yeah, I wasn't able to sleep the two nights because every time I was finally able to close my eyes. Of course, in a hospital, you never sleep well. So they were coming in with. Cuz they were coming in to get me to move, to shift, to roll around. And then I would be instantly panicked, like, what is going on? Is something happening then I'm not seeing? Like what? Additionally, they weren't really sharing too much and they just kept saying, we're trying to get you to 36 weeks and that the eye on the prize I had, they came in at 5 a.m. the day that we delivered on February 6th. Or sorry, it was even earlier than that. I was when I around there was when I delivered. So it was earlier than that. They came in and they scanned my belly and they said, hey, like we're not noticing any improvement with her.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:28:20  Her heart rate keeps tanking. It's getting worse now. So we need to do something. Something's going on in there that she doesn't want to be in there because we have fluids going into, we have everything replenished. Like it just doesn't make sense. And then when I say, like they had me call my husband, he had to come in immediately, or they needed to hit the alarms and we needed to go. So we lived 30 minutes away from the hospital. So he flew in there. We got he got there just in time to let him in, scrub up. But if not, it was going to be like sounding the alarms. Now. An emergency C-section when I see sound the alarm. Not to scare anybody, but if I was in that room and I had to wait any longer, they would have put the alarms on in the hospital. They kick open. You're like, you don't have time to prep. So your area like they are ready to go. So as like we have two nurses bedside on top of my my thing as they're pushing me like running through the hallway sprinting.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:29:12  We also have in that situation who's going to be immediately in there to put me under. And then what happens is they throw you in there ready to operate. And they're moving like this is a light saving procedure at that point. And you don't scare anybody. It's just that's what they do. I was not at that point that they needed to cut me open immediately and get broke out within five minutes. And that's what it takes. Like if I'm within those crucial five minutes, then they're moving like I was not there. They said, listen, we do have 30 minutes, but 30 minutes is all we have. So you need to get him here in that set. So we did. We got into that room. We're all in. My husband, he's scrubbing up. I'm stressing out. I'm like, oh my goodness. This is this is it. Like, are we going to have our baby? Is she going to be coming out breathing, crying? Are we going to hear anything? Are we what's happening? I had no idea what was happening because it was a whirlwind.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:29:56  Like I just see teams of people running in and out, away from me. So ones getting my ID ready to give me anesthesia or delete because they already have the site ready to go. So then somebody else was shaving my belly real quick to make sure all the hair and everything was cleaned up, scrubbed up. They were getting all the areas all ready to go. I had told the doctor, gloving up, getting ready, talking through the procedure, getting the NICU team ready, everybody in the nick cuz there was two doctors and two other nurses specifically ready for Brooke. Then my team had my main doctor, and then I had a, I'm sure, nurse practitioner. I'm a PA and I think a bunch of nurses in the team. Everybody was in there and I'm talking a dozen people. So it's loud and it's bright and I'm just laying there on a table, strapped down, ready to go with my surgery because, you know, your arms need to be a T like this and completely exposed out there.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:30:50  My husband, he's coming in. I'm having a nurse trying to talk to me. I can't hear her. I don't know what she said to me. I know she was trying to tell me encouraging words and how, you know, I'm going to have a baby today and all these things, but I could not hear that. And there's nothing like I am literally in life saving mode right now, because I don't know what's happening with me or my baby. No one's communicating anything. So. And nobody can, like nobody has those answers for you. So in those moments, I just need I need this to get done. Let's go. Let's move on. So then within I mean, this seemed like it was taking forever in this moment, but this was probably only five minutes. And then boom, they open me up and then they got her out. Now I started to feel a little bit of the C-section. So it was something either wrong with my line or whatever. So they gave me a little bit more medication and then I was fine and everything went smoothly as it could.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:31:37  I was freaking out the whole time I was crying, I was emotional, I was like in panic mode just because after she was out, it just wasn't natural. My body was going through something because, you know, I was only 28 weeks pregnant. So those hormones, like I started getting all these rushes, I started feeling really hot. Flash like more so than, like the C-section I had prior with my son. Everything just felt completely different in a shift. So in that moment then they showed me up. They then, you know, afforded me to go get to the recovery area. And in that time, I still have not seen Brooke yet. I they took her away I her I, they told me she was breathing. They told me she was crying. I just couldn't hear her because she was so small. She was £2, two ounces. Says. So she was very tiny at 28 and 28 weeks. That's pretty standard size. But, it was £2. Yeah. Teeny micro preemie.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:32:31  Yeah. Yeah. So that was really scary finding out how I was like, how many pounds is she? And all of these things like, well, you know, she's two. No, that is a huge issue, you know. Oh my goodness what is happening. So I'm just as there as I'm coming down off of, the medications and anesthesia and they're just monitoring me and everything. They're like, listen, we're going to get you as fast as possible to the neck so you can see your daughter. They're prepping her. She's fine. They're getting hooked up all the machines. She. And then this is when, like, they started to kind of prep me a little bit, like, you're not going to be able to hold her for a week. And I'm like, what? I'm like, excuse me. What? And like, did I hear this right? Because at this point I'm starting to finally hear things, but I'm still like in later fighting mode at this point, right? Yeah.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:33:15  So my body is going through somewhere. Yeah. So, they're like, yeah. So she, she'll need to get her brain scan and all of these things, but, and all these other tech, when I say all these things, there's a bunch more tests that go into it. The brain scanning, though, was the biggest one because it needed to make sure that she was fully developed in all different areas that her long. So but they have to keep her still to make sure her neck and her head and everything is fully formed. But they have to do the scan after a week. I thought that was going to be the hardest part of this journey and it wasn't. I went in there and and we could only just touch her for a week. I couldn't even hold her. And you know, the natural thing is anonymous to well, maybe. Yeah. So it's just I'm seeing all these other parents or babies in the NICU that their parents aren't there. and it's like, man, I just would do anything to hold my baby at this point.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:34:01  So you're starting to, like, form almost just like so much sadness during this time. Like when you're trying to be happy that you have your baby and that they're alive and you're processing all this, but you're, like, working through all the alarms that are going off. You're working through not being able to hold your baby. You're you're going through worst case scenarios in your head because you just had the worst case scenarios of how you felt play out besides death at this point. So, you know, it takes you to these really deep, dark places. And, you know, we were in an ICU with maybe 40 babies, and I connected with one other parent that was in there, but there was a lot of babies there that, you know, their parents were. And that was really heartbreaking as something to work through, too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I think seeing that these other babies were able to be held and that their parents weren't, what, like their to hold them and I don't know, their circumstance, they could be recovering in the hospital.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:34:51  They could have been going through, you know, their own birth trauma and realizing that and understanding that. Yes. But in that moment, I'm looking around, I'm like, where is that baby's mom? Like. Yeah, I would do anything to be able to be here to hold them. And it's not I'm not shaming them or blaming them or anything like that. It's more it's my own stuff going on, like it's me at the trauma and living with all of these thoughts. Yeah. Yeah. And why.

Becky Gleed 00:35:13  Couldn't you hold back for someone who might not understand.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:35:17  From what we were told, they needed to do a scanning of her head, so they had to wait to do the scanning until after a week of her being born, since she was premature. And that's standard and typical. So they did it, like I said, a week later, because they want to make sure when she came out of the birth canal or coming out through C-section, then nothing else happened. And also everything settles down now that she's out in the real world.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:35:38  And then they go in, they do her scan and then they give you that news. So we found out that she was completely healthy and she just needed to grow and get bigger in the NICU.

Becky Gleed 00:35:48  And then what was the rest of your NICU experience? It was that was. Yeah. Tell us more. Yes.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:35:55  Yes. Yeah. So with her being small and needing to grow like I was pumping a lot because she wasn't able to take a bottle either. So I had to be on a very strict pumping schedule, making sure that they had all of the, you know, milk that they needed for her to also help. Like they would also give her prolactin her, which is just a human growth supplement that helps within the a breast milk. Yeah. So they give her some of that also additionally. But yeah. So I was pumping around the clock, but when I was going in there to see her, I could only get her out once during the day for her. So because she was hooked up to so many monitors and it's very stressful on her to get out of that environment, but it's also very beneficial to be laying on her mom too.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:36:35  So we would do snuggle time, but we can only do it once because she was so fragile. So I would do ten hour mirrors where I would sit there and I'm not kidding you. You know, as a mom, like you're like, drinking as much as you can because, like, you're trying to produce milk and I'm trying to eat, like, so I would get her out, put her on my chest, and then I would pump there. The nurses would be wonderful and help me. They would help me pump. They would help me, like change her that way. Like they would help me do everything. So then we could have those ten hours of bonding, say then every now and then, you know? Yeah, it was just it was so important for both of us, I think, for my milk production and also from the mental emotional, because when I got discharged from the hospital. You know, that was supposed to be. Then the worst scenario is leaving your baby behind in the hospital while I went home to recover after I got discharged.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:37:24  But then just coming back. And so doing these ten hour hold was just, oh my goodness. So much like just needed for both of us in those moments. But yeah, like I we had an awesome like nurse team who really helped to like accommodate what. Like me being there and just like having that time with her and like really helping us manage that space because there was only one nurse to two babies or something like that. So it was very much like a very just safe space is what we felt like in there with the nurses. And that was so beautiful because we had the same nurses who got used to Brooke got used to us in there, who was then caring for her and requesting her for them. I got to request them too and have them. So it almost felt like in those five and a half weeks we had this amazing family behind us. There too, was watching our daughter because I'd have to call in, like overnight I'd be waking up to. I would want to see her.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:38:17  What they would. They could do video chat or I could call it and get an update from the nurse if somebody else was using the video chat feature, which was great because I could check on her, but nothing really makes up for wanting to be there beside her. And I wish we were at a hospital that maybe could have had us there overnight to stay in, like the sleep area or something. So that was something I wish I would have maybe looked at. And also going through the birthing plan just to say this for anyone listening, I wish I would have looked into what level NICU we and the levels of Nic are very important. And when I'm saying levels, I mean four level is amazing. That is the one I wish we would have sought out for Brooke. We were at a three level, Nikki, which is great, but they can't perform surgery there. So if you have access and there's only a 30 minute difference for delivering or whatever, I would go with the four level.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:39:05  Nikki and I wish we would have known that going into this journey with Brooke, because we had a healthy pregnancy, I had a healthy pregnancy with Bryce and so they did not determine anything. Or didn't foresee anything happening with this pregnancy. So that's why we were at the hospital we were at. Now three level is great. Nothing to see. That's the best that you have. But before can perform surgery. Yes, yes. If we could have performed surgery on Brooke, and then by the time she was too weak, we couldn't hear her. So it's just it's very important. If we were in a hospital that was four level. They could have done the surgery. We could have seen what happened. We might have had a different outcome. We might not have. But at least we had that option. Yeah.

Becky Gleed 00:39:42  So tell us more about about Brooke.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:39:46  Oh yes. So sorry. Yes. Into the journey as I digress. So in this five and a half weeks, then going in there every day just pumping, feeding.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:39:54  And then she was eating by tube at first and then we were working with this device. I forget the name of it, so please forgive me. It is a feeding device. It's used by physical therapy and it gets them to understand how to suck, how to do all the things because she didn't develop that within my womb. So now we have to help her develop that. So we would do this machine and she would learn, you know, to suck on it. And then she was getting it down and then we'd be able to give her breast milk. So we were developing that way. And then the day before she passed, she was weighing at £5. So we were talking the day before she passed about. Now that she's able to start to take stuff out of a syringe, and now that we're going to get ready to bottle feed her, we can talk about in a week, we're feeling good that she'll be able to be discharged within a week. So we were having those kind of conversations with our doctors because at this point, she's, what would have been consider if she was five and a half weeks old, but 34.5 week gestational age? But she was big enough.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:40:49  And she had she checked all the things off. I mean, her lawyers were going off anymore. So we were doing really well. And we thought going into this week, oh my goodness, we're going to be able to bring our baby girl home.

Becky Gleed 00:41:00  Yeah. Some hope for discharge.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:41:03  Yeah. And then I left the 15th feeling like as good as I can be in those moments, you know, saying goodnight to our baby girl and just, you know. Can't wait to see you tomorrow and all the things. And then I'm checking in on her late that night, like around 11. And actually the first night that I actually slept through a breastfeeding alarm or pumping alarm. Yeah, a phone call at 4 a.m., right before that, March 16th. And saying her belly got hard. We're not sure what's going on. She's throwing up your breast milk, which is the first time she's ever thrown up. Now, she said that often, things like that. But this was like projectile. And so they said, we don't know what's going on.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:41:40  So we just want to let you know we're going to start to innovator because we need to see if it's her oxygen levels. we put a CPAp. You know, they had a CPAp order and they said maybe this is the CPAp causing the oxygen and in her belly and things like that. And also like for the couple days leading up to this, she only really wanted to lay on her belly. So like when she was sleeping and things like that. So there must have been something more going on there at that time, something with gases, we don't know and we'll never have those answers. But just looking back, that's an important piece. She didn't want to be on her back. So we get in and I just collapse when I see her because she's gray. She's looking like just. You can tell she's. And her belly is so big and engorged at this point, and I just, I stole her. I saw the doctor's, this one. And like, I just like, oh, the floor.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:42:31  And so my husband helped pick me up and they put me in a chair and I'm like, oh my goodness, is this it? Is this happening? Like, is my daughter dying? And they were like, no, no, no, she's not dying. We're not sure what's going on. We're going to figure it out. She's okay. She's like three four and a half weeks. Like we're confident in this. And then within an hour I said, listen, we need to air flight her. We need to do something. This is not normal. And I wish in those moments, I would have advocated harder to air flight her because then within an hour, she was really looking worse. She started to. She just couldn't get settled. She was pooping out a little bit of blood. Her belly was extremely hard and just like she's just started to look more sick and more sick as time went on. at this point they said for me to call my parents in because my parents never got the opportunity to meet Brooke because this was back in 2021 during the pandemic with crowds and stuff.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:43:21  So my son or son never got to meet her just through video chat. So it was like the whole experience my husband and I were the only ones in the NICU, were allowed in the NICU to see her. So they said, please call in your parents. So I knew. I knew in those moments like we're going to lose her today. Like and I was trying to be so optimistic during the Nick experience. But in those moments and in the NICU, I knew. I just knew as the mom, as Brooke's mom, something was wrong and all. Yeah. And I kept to my husband and I did not like the person that I was in the NICU. And what I mean by that is like, I was not a robot. Like, I needed to go in there. I needed to hold her. Spend time with my baby because I was missing that connection in that bond. And at nighttime, I wasn't getting any of that either. So being this person So in that moment I said to my husband, you need to call my parents.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:44:10  I don't think she's going to make it. And my husband, that was like the first time I think he started to recognize maybe there was something wrong to the whole time he was trying, he was positive. He said, oh, we're going to take her home in a week. She's fine. And when we got to the hospital and even that like morning when we got the call and I was rushing, we were rushing in. She was like, she's going to be fine. She's going to be fine. There's nothing wrong here. And it just like almost I was like, yeah, I could see in his face. He was worried too. So he called my parents. He stepped out. He got my parents there. He called his twin brother, who was very close with and his wife, and they were making flight arrangements. And finally by 12:00 that day and I was like, listen, I didn't pump all day, so should I pump? Or like I was like, in this, this moment, like, do I pump or is it pointless because I was looking at her and seeing her, and I didn't want to spend any time away from her.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:44:56  But they said, listen, let's put up a shield, because my parents were finally, they're able to spend a little bit of time with her. My parents were really freaking out because they didn't understand what was going on or what was wrong, either because they he just FaceTimed her the day before. Yeah. So I finally get behind a partition and I started to pump. She started to cry. So in that moment, I ripped my breast pumps off. Yep. And all the doctors and nurses are flying in the room in this little section with their carts, their crash cart. And we're moving. So her alarm is off. Like, alarming. The nurse practitioner comes flying in and she starts chest compressions. Five people come and swarm her. They start getting bicarbonate ready, which, you know, to help with their heart and things like that. And I forget the other medication. They were getting ready, but they kept giving her doses and doses of these medications to get her heart to just, you know, keep going.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:45:48  At this point, we still weren't getting a lot of answers. We didn't know what was going on, so we didn't know what we were doing. We were just standing there watching them just keep trying to resuscitate her. And we watched that for an hour. And the doctor, you know, finally came over to me. And just watching him, you know, just giving her rounds and rounds of medications. They hit her with nitrous, and the anesthesiology team came in and asked if they could try to do that, because sometimes that helps. They did that. We had no other options, so they said, we'll go as long as you want us to, so we can keep going. And she can take her final breaths on the table, or you can go hold up her little breaths and talk to her. So I went over to the bedside to her, and I just said, please open all the machines. I'll take her. So they did. They took her off of everything. And this was like an hour and a half at this point because, you know, I had to work up to doing that.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:46:40  Yeah. So I just pick her up and my husband sitting right beside me, and I sit down with her, and I just tell her, baby girl, I'm so sorry. You know, I'm so sorry mom couldn't save you, sweetie. And there was nothing more I could do. Please, just always watch after us. But we'll always miss you. And we'll see you everywhere we look. And you know, we just love you so much. And that's. And that was it. Like. I mean it just in that moment, I just felt so wrong and real. And I'll never forget those words and just.

Becky Gleed 00:47:08  Oh, you loved her.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:47:10  Yeah. So much. Yes, yes, yes, that's her mom. And just, you know. And then we spent a couple hours with her. I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet, and I needed that time with her just to hold her and things. So every night I would leave around 630. So around 630 then and after, my sisters all came in to finally meet their niece in person, even though she was no longer with us, they got to hold her though.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:47:36  They got to have that time with her. You know, the nurses came in and they said, okay, you can either leave her here in the bassinet and then you walk out of the room, or I can be holding her, rocking her, and you walk out of the room, or you can stay in the room, and I could walk out of the room with her. You. Or we could walk out of the room pushing her in a casket. Whatever you want us to do, I'm ready for that. And I was like, since I would leave for a night and the nurses then would they would be with her. I said, would you mind rocking her and just singing? Where am I, sunshine? Because that's what I did every night before I put her back in. So that's what they did as I walked out of the hospital. And that was probably the hardest moment of my life.

Becky Gleed 00:48:16  Walking out of the hospital and tell her audience why?

Bernice Quesenbery 00:48:19  Just having to leave. I knew that was the last time I was going to see her.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:48:23  Her body, her feel or her smell her. I just knowing that, you know, life has forever changed for us. And now I have to learn how to pick myself up and move on. And not that I was ever in that moment. That's what I'm thinking. And then realizing that, oh, we don't live long. Yeah. Yes. And it's really learning how to move forward and learning how to cope and live and live with grief and also the joy of life again. Right. Because at this point I'm feeling so dark and gloomy, like, how is life even, you know, going to go on? What is this even going to look like for us? And that's when we needed the resources the most. And that was the hardest thing in those moments to feel so alone and isolated, not knowing anybody else who's going through an influence at this point, not having a community, just I have. We had great family, though. We were very grateful for that.

Becky Gleed 00:49:14  Yeah.

Becky Gleed 00:49:14  You became an expert in duality, like living life and also carrying lifelong grief. Can you tell our audience a little bit more like, what did grief look like? And then somehow you were able to create something magical chasing the rainbows. Please tell us more about this organization and how folks can tap into the resources.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:49:42  Absolutely. Becky. Yes! Whoo! So, yeah. When? Oh, gosh. The grief journey. Those first days after I could not shower. Just to be completely honest, someone here touched my hair. I didn't want to wash her off of me. I was at that point. I needed to get to a point that I feel like I could do those things. I couldn't get myself out of bed. I needed to be in bed for just a couple of days. So I was grateful that my parents, my sisters, my husband and then his twin brother and sister in law all rallied around us and were there for us to help with our other son and to also help with our dogs and also manage our household.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:50:20  In those moments, I was crying constantly, I couldn't stop and also I found out too. I was medically cleared to return to work. And so once your baby passes away, you have three days to grieve and then you have to return. So being a commercial insurance broker at that time, I was like, how am I going to read contracts? How am I going to do anything? It's just all the things.

Becky Gleed 00:50:41  Organizations. What advice would you give them of how.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:50:45  They oh my.

Becky Gleed 00:50:46  Better.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:50:47  Support. Yes. Now, I was grateful my direct boss worked with me to be able to work from home and do things that way, but still, I mean, I was still having to work. So Really those full three months. Like, I wish I could have had FMLA the whole way that I would have, even just with maternity for that, just because of that reason. Definitely. And looking back now, I tell people all the time, if you think that you do need intermittent FMLA or FMLA because of grieving, work with your doctor, work with your therapist, work with the team.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:51:20  But that is necessary because that's so important to for your journey. I did not have that, so I wish I would have.

Becky Gleed 00:51:27  Well and I was grateful. FMLA is the Family Medical Leave Act and it is. It's a, you know, federal protection. It's also not perfect. And that you have to be criteria. It's really essentially only three months and it's unpaid. And so just to give a little bit of space, we can do so much better. Imagine a woman, a birthing individual like Bernice going through this and to be expected. And sometimes we have to go back to work for the livelihoods of our family. That you're put in a bind. How I'm supposed to go back when I'm swimming and grief and loss and the physical recovery. It's horrendous.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:52:09  It's horrendous.

Becky Gleed 00:52:10  Egregious?

Bernice Quesenbery 00:52:11  I don't.

Becky Gleed 00:52:11  Know. Fill in the blank.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:52:13  Yeah. Yeah. No. Right. 100% back. I'm looking at this postpartum body in the mirror. I'm so pumping for a baby I don't have here anymore.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:52:21  Because if not, if you stop immediately pumping or breastfeeding. At least for me, because my boobs were so engorged with milk, because I was pumping a lot and I massively produced, which I was grateful for at in the moments with Brooke. But then I had to either tailor it down or I would have gotten infections and all of those things vacillates. And so you're having to do all of this and look at this postpartum and you have no baby. And then I'm supposed to go back and have adult conversations with people when my world just got flipped upside down and I don't even know what life is anymore. And here I am doing this, and it's true. And I don't know how I did, and I think I was given a lot of grace. I'm going to be honest with my team and the team under me and beside me during that time, because I also don't really remember a lot of the first six months of survivor. Like, I remember specific conversations I had with people I don't remember, like things that I normally would have paid attention to or memorized.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:53:17  Like I was really good about, like memory and just different things. But it was for six months. I couldn't do any of that. Like, I, I barely like memory loss was a real thing. You know, that's memory loss. Yeah, all of it. And now I was able to actually process it out loud and needing to do that in a safe speed, because I would say things out in public then to people, they were really asking how I was doing. I was always trauma dumping all over the place because I would then tell everybody, oh my goodness, like this and that, and they're like, whoa. Like, I didn't really want to know how you were doing. Like, I didn't have the capacity for that. I think I just want to know you're doing okay and move on. So realizing needing to find that and that being important, but also just giving myself that grace in the survival mode of those first six months and then recognizing if I was getting I got into complicated grief is what they're called because I wasn't seeing any kind of future.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:54:07  I was also holding on to like all of her dead flowers from her service. Like really holding on to a lot of death in her house. So like, realizing that I need to start to shift it for her house, for her son and also work on myself. So I connected finally to an amazing trauma therapist, someone who's it's so important to find that strong connection. Yeah. And then that's what catalyst, the support groups and everything else to kind of start to form that to how can we get the community together, how can we all unite who are going through this common loss that we don't want to be going through, but then also having to return to society and work and learning how to live through being asked, how many kids do you have? Or or you can have more children or just God has a plan. You know different things that people say, which with good intentions. But like, I need a place to process and dump it.

Becky Gleed 00:54:54  Yeah. Are you speak to those microaggressions.

Becky Gleed 00:54:58  You're right. People do and have good intentions, but oftentimes that's very retraumatizing and not helpful. Often unsolicited.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:55:08  Yes. Yes.

Becky Gleed 00:55:09  Or the vicarious trauma that you live in, hearing other stories or through social media. All of this. So tell folks where they can find you. And can you speak a little bit more about the services? So if someone's reaching out, they know what to expect?

Bernice Quesenbery 00:55:26  Yes, absolutely. So please find us at Chase and rainbows, Dot and you can find our support services there. We also want to make sure you contact us that way, so that we can send you an email with our intake form. So then the form, it takes less than five minutes to fill out. We just need to know basic information, emergency contact, that kind of stuff and then your address if you want therapy or coping care package, you know all those things. And then just finding out how they heard about us, what hospital system they're in, because we're trying to grow our network to get into hospitals when these traumas are happening.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:55:58  So just making sure that we're capturing all this information on how we can do better for survivors. So they're not having to find us at 2 a.m.. and then they go through the intake form, and then once they submit that, we'll get them connected to the other services. So that's within 72 hours, our director of programs will reach out and get them connected to knowing when therapy will be and getting them a peer mentor or getting them a coping care package, giving them the login information for our yoga breathwork, meditation, nervous system regulation videos like anything that they decided that they want, and then the support group side of things actually they can register right on the website so they don't have to wait for us to reach out. We want to make sure that they have a place to go. Our director of programs are in those support groups too. We have survivors in there. So, you know, we're ready to to go. So if somebody joined a support group and then they want additional services, that's a way that they can do it too.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:56:51  But we make the support groups easily accessible for when people need it and seek it, and not giving them parameters around it. So we have up to four a day they can jump in at any time and just talk about what's going on with amazing. And we made it that simple, because where else are they supposed to go or process it? And we don't want people just walking the streets or at work fitting out when there's a place that they can go safely, and then we can get all the things in place if we need to. But on our website, we also have crisis hotline there. And then we also have the maternal fetal hotline, which is 24 over seven. So that's also very important too, just to get people connected if they need that 24 over seven support. And there's nothing wrong with that. I used crisis and texted them during grieving broke and just and it wasn't even like I, I was suicide or anything like that. It was more hey, like just needing to talk to someone kind of thing.

Becky Gleed 00:57:42  Yeah, it sounds like an excellent triage process in that it's personalized and it's immediate. You're not going to have to wait months on end to get some support. So anyone listening, you know, this is a wonderful resource and it's accessible from any of the 50 states in the United States. We I will include your website and your services in the show notes. And just one more time. What's the name of your podcast? What's the name of your website? Where can people find you?

Bernice Quesenbery 00:58:12  Absolutely, Becky. So our podcast is called Cried Out Loud. It's on all major platforms. You can also find it on our main website of Chasing the Rainbows under the podcast link. And our main website is Chasing the rainbows.org. And on there you can find our contact information. If you want to get involved and volunteer, or if you would want our support services. We're here for all of you, so thank you.

Becky Gleed 00:58:37  I truly from like heart to heart. Thank you for coming on. I cannot tell you.

Becky Gleed 00:58:44  I just envision this impact being this like ocean of waves reaching so many. And so everyone listening. This is Berniece. She is Brooke's mom, the founder of Chasing the Rainbows. Thank you for the work you're doing. Truly.

Bernice Quesenbery 00:59:00  Thank you.

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