The pressure to keep up was damaging my health

The pressure to keep up with what was considered "the thing to do", was taking a serious toll on my health. Listen in as I describe how I have made some changes in this area in order to support my holistic lifestyle.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to Holistic Life Diaries. I'm your host, Jacqueline Lovett. On today's episode, let's talk about how the pressure to keep up started damaging my health. So my journal entry, this was um just recently, this was a recent journal entry. And in this entry, I started out by saying, throughout my life, when something wasn't right for me, my mind and body had a way of letting me know, but I didn't always listen. I guess I had it in me from a young age to be different, but I struggled with being different because I wanted to fit into so many spaces. I wanted to be liked by many. If something didn't sit right with my inner self, I would impulsively make changes or do something that weren't always sustainable and return back to something that wasn't right for me. This led me to developing the same patterns which eventually took a serious toll on my health in many ways. Now, this is like I said, this is one of my recent journal entries. Just looking back on my life, I got to a point where I had to realize that holistic living and keeping up do not go hand in hand. Because I I made an episode not too long ago about returning to my roots, and for me, returning to my roots, I'll just give a little bit of it. You know, if you haven't listened to it, um, please go back and listen. But I will say that returning to my roots for me meant um on both sides of my family, my mother and my father's side. My grandparents were big on farming, and that was here in Georgia, you know, down in the south. Um, they had farms. Even my grandmother who lived in Atlanta, my grandparents who lived in Atlanta in the city, they still had a farm, they had a homestead. So I had to get back to that, and I was like, I mean, just like I just think back on when I would have an asthma attack. My granddad, I didn't have an inhaler, he had something for that. Okay, so they were they had an apothecary system set up, and I had to get back to that. I had to get back to that, but I realized that nowadays, like back then, it may not have included doing all of this inner work, but now it does for me, holistic living. So I had to get to a point where I had to realize that it was important to make changes to fit each season of my life, regardless of how it was viewed by the majority of people, because they couldn't live their life my life for me, they could not live for me, and what I mean by that is changes that were good for me, that helped me out health-wise, that didn't cause me to be too stressed. There is no way to avoid stress 100%. I do understand that, but also I understand that a lot of the stress that some of us are going through, myself included, is things that I brought up on myself that I don't even have to do. So I had to realize that you only can do so much, Jacqueline. There's only so much you can do. It took a while though, it took me getting sick. So if you don't know my story, um, I'm a Graves disease warrior. I also have an episode about that, so hopefully, you can go back and check it out as to how I got to a point where I was so sick, and stress was one of the key factors as to why I developed this autoimmune disease. But this is what was happening in my life, okay. I was a hairstylist, I would work 12 hours for five to six days a week, and I'm gonna correct that. I would work over 12 hours five to six days a week. What was I trying to do? Do like other hairstylists because that is the thing. If you know someone who's a hairstylist, they work long hours, most of them, but I was like, okay, that's not gonna work for me, and it took a toll on my on my life, it took a toll on my my overall health, okay. Also, so I had to realize, okay, I'm gonna have to be a different type of hairstylist if I want to feel better, if I want to get better, because working hours like that, it's just no way I could sustain that for the rest of my life. Um, it's just not possible for me, okay. Holistic health meant that I have it means that I have to do things that work for me, so it didn't work for me. Then we were going through some things where we needed to homeschool. But here's the thing: homeschooled, I was we homeschooled our children, despite how it was frowned upon by people who meant well, they meant well, but what did I have to do? Do what was best for our family's circumstances. And then when it came a time where I had to decide to not accept traditional treatment for my Graves' disease, I took a more holistic approach and still am doing so. Although I was told that the holistic approach was a facade. And this was a physician that told me it was a facade. She even called me to ask me, why didn't you feel your prescription? But because of the fact that I have grown out of, and I still got a little bit in me, just a little bit, and poco. I think we all have a little bit of the people pleasing, some of us more than others, whether we want to admit it or not. We we all like to be liked, you know. You want to be liked and accepted by someone. Um, my husband said this the other day, you know, everyone wants to be accepted in some way, and that is so true. I couldn't agree with him more, but I had to make changes. I couldn't worry about what other people were saying because guess what? It was my health, it was my Graves' disease journey. So I had to make changes and do something that was frowned upon by many and still is. The jokes that I hear people, you know, they make the statements, you know, about the way I eat. We go out to places, I'm minding my business, trying to order my food, or just looking over the menu. And then someone asks, What are you going to eat? Some ask it and they're fine. They don't mean anything. But then some ask, that's all. Is that gonna be enough? And it's enough for me because I want to feel good after I eat. I still want to feel good, and for me, certain things I can't eat, and I'm okay with that. But I try to go mind my business, I try not to put people in it. But let me get back on, let me get back focused, okay, because this is holistic, life diaries, and because of that, um I say what works and what feels good at the moment, and so with this conversation, I had to put some notes together because I'll be all over the place. So I'm gonna get back focused. What we're talking about is how I had to make changes and I had to stop trying to keep up. So I was trying to keep up as a hairstylist, I was trying to keep up with traditional schooling, I was trying to keep up with the traditional, you know, methods when it came to my health, and then also trying to keep up with I wanted to look good and feel good, so I was like, okay, go to the nail salon and spend money that you don't really have, or should I say, and I'll be honest, I didn't have it, you know, or money that or trying to do something that doesn't fit my budget. That's what I like to say. That's my new saying now. Instead of saying I'm broke or I don't have the money, I just say, Oh, that doesn't fit my budget, and you can take it, you know, think people can take it and think what they want to think, but it doesn't fit my budget. So if you want to think I don't have the money, that's fine, or if you want to just think, oh, she's budgeting, that's fine too, because that doesn't matter. You know, that works for me, it doesn't fit my budget. So I was trying to go and do things that I know didn't fit my budget and that would add extra stress to me. So instead, I start doing my own nails, my own manny's and petties. Sometimes I paint my nails, sometimes I don't. Like India, I reset, you know, it's just whatever works for me at the time, and that just feels so good. It's just so it just relieves so much stress to not try to keep up with everything, everyone, every trend. It's just too much going on out there, and we are one, you're one person, you're one person. You look at all of the people on the earth, what is it, billion, billions of people on the earth, and you're trying to please like everyone that you come in contact with. You're trying to please everyone in your life, you know, or you try to look a certain way because you think that that won't be good enough. People will look down on you, like it's just it got to where it was just overwhelming, and I got tired, and I decided I wasn't gonna live that life anymore. Another thing, buying new clothes for special occasions. Because of my faith, we have about four. No, no, let me get it correct. We have about seven or eight, maybe more, important days per year. If I bought something new for every occasion, that's seven or eight new, you know, little outfits or get ups or whatever we want to call them, looking our Sunday's best or whatever. I'm buying that every year now. Every year, and then I have weddings, anniversaries, kids' parties, graduations. I gotta buy something every time. That's a lot of shopping I have to do, and instead, what I decided to do sometimes I will get something new, but as of recently, I've been shopping in my closet as much as I can, and I'm thankful because it helps me to put things in perspective. It's less stress for me, it's less time that I'm spending in the stores or online looking for the perfect this and the perfect that. I literally have been going to my closet and shopping, and that has felt good, that works for me. Um, one more thing, I don't consider myself to be a selfish person, but I have learned to not only take the feelings of others into consideration, but I also take my own feelings into consideration, and that was a big one for me because I was not I was not thinking about how it would make me feel if I did something extra that day, knowing my capacity couldn't handle it. It was like, but I want to make sure that they're taken care of, and this is why I said the pressure to keep up was damaging my health, so I was get having the headaches, you know, sleep less, you know, sleep deprivation, headaches, dehydrated because I'm spending I'm so busy that I'm forgetting to drink water. Um, even eating, and y'all know if you know me, you know I will eat, even if I eat plants. I it's a lot of good plant-based recipes and snacks and meals. So for me to not eat, you know, it's serious, it's really serious. So this stuff was taking a toll, just trying to keep up with everyone, and and I'm gonna go ahead and say it. The internet, as of recently, I had to realize I couldn't keep up with the platforms the way that in the way that others were doing it. I am in my own lane on that. It may be a few in the lane with me, but I do not stress myself anymore about trying to post, post, post all the time. And I know I do not have the capacity. I have enough content on my phone to where I probably would be good for a year to post things, but what happens is it's like, oh well, this lighting has to be this way, and this has to be this way. Let me let me tell y'all something about me that I'm learning. Um when I when I um invest my time and energy into a business, I really invest in it. And the businesses that I run involve caring for people, caring for people, and I know that my capacity, because I'm a solopreneur, I don't need to have so many to where I can't give them the proper attention and time that they deserve because they're paying for my services and they trust me. So I'm not concerned about having so many followers. I think I have genuine followers. I'm able to respond to messages, I'm thankful for that. Um, if I forget, if I don't get to respond to a message, but you best believe it's because it was hidden from me by the algorithm or whatever. I don't know who's hiding stuff from us, to be honest with y'all. You know, but it's not because I didn't because everything is so big to where I can't respond. I don't want that. That's not for me. And I feel good saying that because for the longest I had like these, yes, you it's okay to want big things for yourself, but what toll is that going to take on your health? Like, this is what I was saying to myself. What toll will it take to have so much on your plate to where you can't even get up in the morning, lay in your bed for a second, stretch, say your prayers, read something that will upbuild you, drink your hot, your warm water, or your tea, or your coffee, whatever you choose, or sip on your water. That rushing, rushing, rushing, rushing. I gotta rush to this, rush to rush to that. It was taking a toll on me, trying to keep up, and so I'm in a different place and space when it comes to how I take care of my health, and also realizing that everybody won't like you. I had to realize that maybe it took me being almost 46 years old. You know, I under I understand everyone is not in that place, and that's another thing. Um, I'm learning to meet people where they are, and sometimes I have to leave people where they are. Wow, that's deep right there because it took me a while to do that. I can't drag you along, I can offer encouragement, but you gotta put the work in yourself, and I can't go down while I'm trying to help you. So I offer it, I offer the help, and and I've been in that place where I wasn't ready for something, and I don't like the pressure that was being put up on me by others, and so that's why I think that I realize that it's good to don't try to pressure people to do anything because we all have to make our own decisions. So, pressure to keep up, I don't want it. If I'm missing out on something, then let me miss out. The reason why I'm missing out is because it's not for me. If it was for me, I would have it, and I believe that. I believe if something is meant for me, then I'll get it, and then if it's not, it wasn't meant for me, and then I shall carry on. But I hope that you can find this to be helpful. Um, because if you don't realize how much damage was being done to my health, as I said, I have prior episodes that talk about talk more about my Graves disease journey. Um, I also share snippets on all of my um pages, um, all of my social media platforms, all of these social media platforms. Um, my website, I am updating it little by little. It's not all done, so you know, just hang in there. But I'm not rushing to do it because I want to make sure it's genuine, and I just went ahead and left it up there because it used to be a time, and see, I'm getting back started. I just gotta say this one more thing. It used to be a time where I felt like every single piece had to be together in order for me to be able to look like others or for me to be able to thrive, but it doesn't have to all it doesn't have to be together, all of it. We are not perfect. There is no way we can do anything perfectly. No human on this earth is doing it perfectly. We only see snippets of people's lives online or what they tell us. Um, you'll only get a little bit of it. So I'm fine with just putting small things together. I remember I had someone one time many, many years ago, I was wanting to decorate one of my rooms in my house, and I said to them, I was telling them about it. We were just having casual conversations, and I was telling them about it, and they made me feel so bad. By the time we left that conversation, I never got around to decorating that room. It took years, years, you know why? Because they told me that, oh yeah, and now I didn't ask for their opinion. Let's put it out there. I was just telling them that it is something I was gonna do. I don't remember asking them how they did it or anything, but you know, sometimes we as nurturers, and I feel like they may have been trying to be a nurturer. Um, we may sometimes we tend to try to fix something that no one asks us to fix. So they said to me, Well, you before you put your curtains up, make sure you have everything together. This is not an interior decorator, by the way. This is not someone that I asked from a professional standpoint, this is just someone talking, and they were just saying how you know, because it's that way it'll be just like a grand finale. Who am I trying to grand finale it for? This is our home. We live here, and if I want to put up one picture on my wall at a time, I'll do it. But they were saying get everything, put it in a box, put it away, just wait until you get it all together and then put it out. I'm if I did that, we wouldn't have any pictures on our walls, we wouldn't have any curtains up, blinds up, or anything because I would be trying to do what? Keeping up with others. I have changed, I've changed. Um that's all I'm saying. Sometimes there will be missing pieces, and you just piece it together, just work on a little bit at a time. It's always sometimes it's all the capacity I have, and so I am hoping that as I said, you are able to realize that it is okay if you can't keep up, especially if it's damaging your health, your mental health, your spiritual health, your physical health, your relationships with others. If something is causing damage because you're trying to keep up, I I just gotta leave it alone. So, anyway, I'm gonna come up out up, come up off of my soapbox. I hope you all have a wonderful day in whatever part of the world you are in, and until next time, hasta luego.