Sobriety is Hot AF: Wisdom from Our Friends (BONUS)

This bonus episode of Beauty in the Break is an extended compilation of wisdom from Foster & Cesar’s joyfully sober friends—real people sharing powerful, funny, and vulnerable reflections on sobriety, addiction, and healing. You’ll hear from Chan Kinchla, Kate Anthony, Megan Stewart, Glenn Milley, Eve Sturges, Johanna Brown, and others. Whether you’re sober curious, reevaluating your relationship with alcohol, or already on the path, this episode offers candid truths and heartfelt encouragement from diverse voices who’ve walked that road. These sobriety stories offer insight, comfort, and inspiration for anyone seeking freedom, clarity, and a more grounded life.

In this episode:

• How one friend reframed sobriety as “a lazy woman’s spirituality dream”
• The unexpected thing that makes socializing easier after sobriety
• Why “getting your brain back” is the ultimate sober gift
• The surprising reason one friend calls sobriety “disappointing… in a good way”
• A reminder that the hottest thing on the planet is asking for help

If this bonus episode spoke to you, make sure you listen to The Secret of Joyful Sobriety where we explore the surprising joys of getting sober. You can also watch the episodes on YouTube.

If you enjoyed this episode, take a moment to follow Beauty in the Break on your favorite podcast app and leave a review—it really helps!

Reach out to the show—send an email or voice note to beautyinthebreakpod@gmail.com and be sure to follow on Instagram. 

Cesar Cardona:

• Attend his upcoming speaking engagements
• Listen to music from Cesar + The Clew on Apple Music and Spotify
• Receive his monthly newsletter Insights That Matter

Foster Wilson:

• Buy her poetry book Afternoon Abundance
• Learn about her postpartum services
• Receive her monthly newsletter Foster’s Village

Created & Hosted by: Cesar Cardona and Foster Wilson

Executive Producer: Glenn Milley

Transcript

Hello and welcome to Beauty in the Break. I'm Foster and I'm Cesar. This is the podcast where we explore the moments that break us open and how we find beauty on the other side.

So whatever you're carrying today, you don't have to carry it alone. We are here with you. Thanks for being here and enjoy the show.

Hello everybody and welcome back to Beauty in the Break.

Happy bonus day.

This is a bonus episode.

Bonus.

Our first bonus episode.

Bonus is a fun word to say.

Bonus.

Bonus.

Bonus.

Bonus.

Sounds like something else.

When you say it too many times?

So last week we came out with our joyful sobriety episode and it was so well received and people loved the treat that we had at the end, which is all of our joyfully sober friends sharing words of wisdom.

But they had so much more to say and we didn't want to keep it from you.

So this bonus episode is going to be full of all of the wisdom of our very joyful and very fun friends.

And kind of want to like honor them and give them a bit of a spotlight because they put in their time to talk about their interpersonal life and the joys that they have now.

So here is the extended version of our treat on joyful sobriety.

We hope you enjoy every second of it.

What's something beautiful about getting sober?

Everything.

Everything is beautiful.

I'm so grateful for all of it.

And I was such a crotchety, hardened hoe bag when I was drinking all the time.

And it's not that that's who I was.

It's just what I became.

Everything on the planet is telling us to quick fix, take a drink.

It'll all go away.

But they lied to us and it keeps us coming back.

Like I said, when you quit drinking and doing drugs, capitalism loses.

Like I can make better decisions.

I can be there for people.

My emotions aren't like high and low.

I'm not swinging from side to side.

I'm a little more balanced.

It's just so much hotter.

And I did have to go back in my brain and be like, when did I stop learning?

I think we all have this thing like one day it'll all be over and I'll have all the answers.

And when you realize we're eternal beings and this is a never ending story of learning and you just settle into that.

Rock on, baby.

So I'm going to learn.

Move along.

Learn.

Move along.

It just is what it is.

And the moment you embrace that, you can do anything.

Going out socially sober has changed.

Being present on the planet is the hottest commodity.

People will stop me bombed out of their mind being like, you're an angel.

And I'm like, thank you.

And I did nothing to deserve that except for just not put any drugs or alcohol in my mouth.

So I love sobriety because it's a lazy woman's spirituality dream.

All I have to do is show up and the rest is taken care of for me.

So treat yourself, rest, get rid of the drugs and alcohol and let life take care of life while you take care of yourself.

What message would I want to pass on to someone who's reevaluating their drinking and substance abuse?

If you're reevaluating, it's probably time to stop boo boo.

Honestly, I don't even know how we all started and got mixed up in this mess.

But I remember my first drink and it was like, relief.

I can be myself.

Why?

Because I was told I'm not allowed to be myself, which is bullshit.

You can do whatever you want.

You're in control of this ride.

This is one long drug trip and it's called being alive on the planet.

So you need your wits about you.

What I would say is good for you.

Welcome.

Re-evaluating is such a huge moment in your spiritual journey.

Be proud of yourself for even kind of thinking about it.

We're so like sucked into the algorithm and you know, you're coming along.

So be proud of yourself.

There's so much out there.

So many people want to help.

You want to help.

I want to help.

We should all be helping each other.

There's so many resources to getting sober.

And so many people who dedicate their lives to spreading this message of it's hot AF to not have to rely on something that's going to kill you.

I love this question.

When did you realize you had an addiction?

Well, it took me a really long time.

Two DUIs, drinking secretly, feeling like shit every day.

So there's a sign and it's pretty unbelievable how I thought it was everything else except for drugs and alcohol.

When you guys, it's most likely our use of drugs and alcohol.

Something that surprised me about sobriety or my sober journey is that I'm still funny and fun.

I really thought I had to smoke weed to be sociable, to have fun.

And then I realized I don't.

And I could only have realized this if I actually got sober.

And then, especially in Los Angeles, the sober world, you realize that every person you've ever looked up to,

any movie star, any rock star, they're all in recovery.

And they went to the lengths that you could take it as a human.

They had everything on the planet that's supposed to make you happy.

And they still weren't happy, which spoke to me.

And I realized, oh, nothing that I do outside myself is going to make me happy.

I need to start working on myself.

And the first thing is to stop putting drugs and alcohol in my face, which is really hard.

And you cannot do it alone.

You need friends, somebody to mentor you.

Ask for help.

Hottest thing you could do on the planet.

Makes life a lot easier.

Now I ask for help everywhere I go.

I'm like, excuse me, help me.

There were many signs that I was an alcoholic before I became a full-blown daily drinker.

Yes, it's fun in the beginning.

Then it's fun with problems.

Then it's just straight up problems.

I was secretly drinking every day.

I had no time to have a hangover.

So I had to keep going.

Working jobs I hated.

So I had a come to Jesus moment, if that's how you want to describe it, where I was like, I cannot do this anymore.

Went to an AA meeting.

And I'm telling you guys, the moment I separated myself from drugs and alcohol, my brain came back.

My confidence came back.

It's the best fucking decision I ever made.

You are not alone.

Asking for help is hot.

And I really have to say, finding a community of people all working on yourselves is like key.

Key.

My name is Mitch.

And I realized that I had an addiction when I had an epiphany where I needed the drug of my choice to get through every day.

I had the realization that I imagined I would be using this substance every day for the rest of my life.

And at that moment, I realized I was truly addicted to this substance.

I wasn't achieving the same pleasurable effects that I had once experienced with alcohol and substance abuse.

Regarding my professional career, I had achieved some sort of self-sabotage in not such obvious ways.

At the same time, my drug dealer got sober.

And he was a good friend.

And he convinced me to embark on sobriety with him, which has been a wonderful journey.

One of the most important things that happened after I became sober was I was able to repair most of the relationships that I had damaged previously.

As a result, these relationships became deeper, richer, and much more fulfilling.

I was able to support my parents during the last 15 years of their lives.

If I hadn't been sober, I would not have been present for that time.

And another very important thing is I've developed a core value of integrity, which is really important for me.

I strive to have integrity in all my actions.

But I think the biggest epiphany that happened was my parents were entering their 80s and becoming very vulnerable as they were aging.

And I realized they would need my full support.

And I would not be able to give them my full support if I wasn't fully sober.

I'm so grateful for that.

Hi, I'm Kate.

And I've been sober for the last six and a half years.

I cannot overstate how life-changing it's been.

So I didn't have one big rock-bottom moment with alcohol, but I had been questioning my relationship with it for years.

I'd attended a number of AA meetings throughout my life, both as part of my Al-Anon journey and during my sober curious years.

But I never fully connected with the stories that were shared there.

At one particularly low point in my drinking, I went to yet another meeting.

And after the meeting concluded, my friends from AA told me that they didn't think I was an alcoholic.

So I kept drinking.

Meanwhile, my anxiety and depression only got worse.

Ironically, I thought alcohol was helping.

When wine started messing with my system and my fluctuating hormones, I switched to hard liquor.

Tequila, whiskey, whatever felt like it worked at the time.

And this continued until I read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace.

And that book changed everything for me.

It explained the science of what alcohol does to your body, especially how it affects stress hormones.

And suddenly it all made sense.

Why I couldn't sleep.

Why I was anxious and depressed.

Why alcohol is addictive and carcinogenic, whether or not you fit the definition of a, quote, classic alcoholic.

So after finishing the book, I stopped drinking immediately and I never looked back.

The first six months were really tough, not because I missed alcohol, but because I didn't know how to do life without it.

And all of the feelings and trauma that I had been drinking to suppress came rushing in.

It was really overwhelming.

But once I got through that phase, everything started to shift.

And today my life is exponentially better.

I am grounded.

I'm present.

I'm awake.

I sleep well.

And most of all, I don't wake up with that crushing shame that I used to feel every morning after drinking more than I'd planned, which was basically every day.

So if anything I've said resonates, maybe give sobriety a try.

Truly.

10 out of 10.

Highly recommend.

Hi, I am Chan Kinchla.

Probably the most beautiful thing about being sober, other than not being hungover or having to hide all my youth, is a greater contact with my spiritual side.

And the universe, higher powers, forces beyond my control.

I'm just open to it.

And it makes the world a much more magical, interesting place.

So the world's really opened up and it's a beautiful thing.

I always knew I was an alcoholic.

I just knew from the people around me that I love to drink and I was an alcoholic.

My hang up was I always thought I could just manage it.

And, you know, when I was younger, that was a lot easier.

As I got older, the hangovers got worse.

It's, you know, it's a progressive disease, alcoholism.

So it became more and more manageable.

And I knew that.

But the problem was how to stop.

That became, it took another 10 years to figure out.

But I always knew I was an alcoholic.

My breaking point with alcohol was quite banal.

I couldn't take my son to the airport to go back to college because I was drinking in the morning.

And then two days later, I couldn't pick up my mom, who had just arrived at the airport.

For whatever reason, those two things close together made me realize that I couldn't even be a good dad, a good son.

I mean, I had had much more death-defying, destructive, harrowing episodes before.

But that day, those two things made me realize that I needed to do something else.

That my plans for not drinking suck.

I needed help.

Being sober is one big surprise.

I mean, a lot of the things I thought I wanted or I thought would bring me happiness aren't the things I value the most now.

The old saying is that the things I enjoy aren't necessarily the things that bring me joy.

So I try and keep an open mind.

And the things I like now and cherish now aren't necessarily the things I did back when I was actively partying all the time.

Being social without alcohol is great.

I mean, I had long since stopped going out to drink.

I would just do it at home.

So I'm far more social now than I ever was.

I get up in the day and do things.

I'm not hanging out at bars at 11 or 12.

So I'm not social there anymore.

The rest of my day is full of relationships.

Good, honest relationships.

You know, the relationship with my family, friends, and loved ones is much deeper and consistent.

So I'm far more social now than I was definitely at the end.

You know, maybe in my 20s it was a little more fun.

But no longer.

If there's any message I would pass along, it's I couldn't do it alone.

I needed help.

I needed to reach out to people, friends, sober community.

But it all starts with sharing and being honest and reaching out to other people.

I can't do this alone.

But there is a way out.

If I can stop, anyone can.

So reach out, talk to people.

You know, staying sober does require some action.

But I spend a lot of time and a lot of action staying hammered.

So it's a lot less time staying sober if I choose to do that.

Hi, my name is Eve.

Hi, everybody.

So I realized at some point during the pandemic that I had had at least a glass of wine every night.

And I couldn't remember when I hadn't.

And I have gone lots of periods in my life of trying not to drink or having periods of not drinking,

of saying I'm not going to drink for this month or this many weeks or this many days.

And I just decided that I would see if my life got better if I didn't drink for 100 days.

That's all it started as.

And I was sort of disappointed to discover that my life got so much better.

I made it to 100 days.

And then I made it to 200 days.

And I just kept going.

So now it's been like three and a half years.

And alcohol just isn't what it used to be for me.

I miss it.

I think about it.

But not every day.

I'm just more present.

The mornings are easier.

I can get more done.

And I wasn't even a massive hangover drinker.

But my life undeniably got better in all ways.

Like in all ways.

Even my therapist said, you know, your high highs and your low lows just aren't as dramatic anymore.

So that's my story.

It just started as an experiment.

Just 100 days.

What if things got better?

And I like to say that it was disappointing.

I was disappointed to discover that life did get better.

Because I like alcohol.

I like good wine.

But I like my life better now.

Hi, my name is Glenn.

And I stopped drinking about six years ago.

I was at my grocery store restocking my stash at home.

I loved red wine at the time.

And filled up the tote.

And if you bought six, you had a certain discount.

And I thought, the math is mathing.

This is great.

And I remember looking at the long aisle of all the bottles.

There were thousands of them.

And realizing, even if it was free.

Even if it was in my basement at home.

A wine cellar.

And I pretended it was for family and friends.

When really it was for me.

I realized it would never be enough.

It had become sort of a compulsion.

I drank just because I could.

Because I was home from work.

Because it was a day that ended and why.

And I realized something had to change.

And so it remains the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life.

But slow and steady, I just sort of put a plan in place.

And did it my own way.

And it's the best decision I've ever made.

And I highly recommend it to anyone who is questioning their alcohol use.

Hey, my name is Megan.

And I'm an alcoholic.

My sobriety date is February 2nd, 2022.

I have a completely different outlook on life now that I'm sober.

I feel like there's a lot of beautiful things about being sober.

I can remember things.

I don't wake up with a hangover.

I can make memories.

And remember them now.

And I just see the world in a completely different way.

One of the things I was worried about when I got sober was that I felt like there was going to be nothing fun to do.

And you couldn't have fun without having alcohol involved.

And that's just not the case.

I have more fun now.

And there is so much to do socially without alcohol.

I have a really good support system.

And I'm so grateful to be sober.

My name is Johanna.

And I've been sober for eight years.

I knew I had a drinking problem.

And I knew I was probably what you'd call sober curious for a long time.

But it wasn't until my daughter's second birthday.

We were celebrating her birthday at a family party.

And my brother's wife had just had a baby.

So I was holding the baby.

And my sister had just gotten a new puppy.

And I was holding the puppy.

And I was watching my daughter enjoy her birthday and twirl in her tutu.

And amidst all this happiness, the thing that I was the most happy about was that I wasn't driving home.

And I could drink an entire bottle of wine if I wanted.

And in that moment, I knew that something was wrong.

And I knew I had to stop.

So I reached out to a friend who was sober.

And she took me to my first meeting.

I could not be happier or more grateful that I had that moment of clarity.

And that I was able to start down the pathway to a sober life.

I'm grateful every day.

So what was my breaking point with alcohol?

Well, one breaking point was breaking my fall with my cheek.

Yeah, that was not a good look the next morning.

Or the rest of the week, for that matter.

But that was different.

It wasn't my fault.

Somebody pushed me.

Denial.

I remember I didn't think I had a drinking problem.

I just thought I had a marijuana problem.

Because I got to a point where I had the thought,

I wish I could just keep smoking weed and stop getting high.

Which doesn't really make sense.

It's a stoner thought.

I even wrote myself little notes for the future.

Dear Magnus, which is not my name.

Dear Magnus, we've decided to stop getting high.

Please knock it off.

And I had the same thought not long later with my drinking.

I was like, man, if only I could just keep drinking but stop getting so sick.

And that dynamic of not wanting to do something and doing it anyways and feeling like I was at the mercy of myself was the beginning of realizing how unmanageable my life was.

This may sound vain, but what I love about my sober life is not being broke.

It is such a novelty to actually have money now.

I never had money when I was drinking and using, but somehow I always got high and drunk.

I don't know how that happened or if there's any sort of correlation between the two.

But yeah, beyond the vanity, it's nice not to have to be looking over my shoulder if the cops are, you know, behind me or how much I've had to drink or if I'd pass a breathalyzer test or what do I have in my glove box?

And, you know, just like that paranoia or like what does so-and-so think about my drinking or can they tell them that I'm high?

Like all that, oh, it just disappears.

And then on the other side of that, I get to be like a trustworthy brother and uncle and cousin and son.

You know, like my parents aren't like worried about where am I and what am I getting up to and am I ever going to come home?

I love still being able to bring the party to, but not have to like manage my high and like get the perfect balance of like my tequila and my gummy fix.

You know, like all that stuff can just settle and I can just bring who it is that I am without having to try to change or seek outside validation.

And all that still comes up, but I'm not like plagued by the fucking monkey on my back who's screaming in my ear, you know?

I think the biggest surprise about my sober journey, especially being sober now more than 11 years, is that life is full of surprises and the surprises are easier to take while I'm sober.

I remember just having to struggle with life on life's terms, just constantly playing catch up and feel like I was just dodging punches as opposed to slow and steady progress into adulthood and being a human.

I thought that drinking and using made it easier and enhanced the novelty of life.

But for me, it definitely made it harder.

And I didn't even know that for once I stopped.

I was really surprised at like how much more palatable life was.

I think when it comes to evaluating someone's drinking, the only person's drinking I could really focus on is my own drinking and drug use.

You know, my mom told me plenty of times, you really ought to slow down or you really ought to, you know, knock it the fuck off.

And I couldn't hear that.

It wasn't until I had my own realization that I might have had a problem and needed some support.

It's tricky.

No one likes to be told they have a problem.

And I guess if I had to have a message, it would be be true to yourself.

I could only really recognize the problem in myself once I was actually willing to be honest with myself.

And I think that honesty, because I'm so full of shit and I got a pretty good bullshit meter for myself sometimes.

But man, something there was like magic, the spirit of a higher power, the higher self within, you know, something finally made me call my own bluff and and realize my own bogusness.

Yeah, that was the beginning of my sober journey when I was just able to be honest with myself about it.

All right.

Hope this helps.

Sober is sexy and go Dodgers.

Oh, how could I forget?

Sex is way better sober.

Duh.

If this episode spoke to you, take a moment and send it to someone else who might need it.

That's the best way to spread these conversations to the people who need them the most.

And if you want to keep exploring with us, make sure to follow Beauty in the Break wherever you get your podcasts.

We'll see you next time.

Beauty in the Break is created and hosted by Foster Wilson and Cesar Cardona.

Our executive producer is Glenn Milley.

Original music by Cesar + the Clew.