From Homeless to the Oscars: Dedrick Bonner on Resilience

How do you overcome adversity and build a successful creative career from nothing? Creative director and vocalist Dedrick Bonner shares his journey from being a Black gay man raised in a Pentecostal church in Alabama to working with Beyoncé, Stevie Wonder, Dolly Parton, and performing at the Oscars with the cast of Sinners. Dedrick opens up about experiencing homelessness during high school, finding resilience in rock bottom moments, and discovering that the most successful people share one common and vital trait. From church rejection to making history as the first-ever musical performance at the SAG Awards, this conversation explores gratitude despite struggle, the beauty found in failure, and why rock bottom is actually a blessing in disguise that clears space for something greater.

In this episode they explore: 

• The heartbreaking reason Dedrick chose to triple major in college
• What Beyoncé, Dolly Parton, and Aretha Franklin all have in common
• How a pastor’s kid from Alabama made history at the SAG Awards
• The real meaning of resilience
• How to find the joy in your creative work again
• Why "self-made" success is a complete myth (according to someone who's seen it all)

Dedrick Bonner:

• IG: @dedrickbonner

Also mentioned:

• How To Spot A Gatekeeper (Even If It’s You)
• Our episode on women in Hollywood

You can also watch the episodes on YouTube.

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Reach out to the show—send an email or voice note to beautyinthebreakpod@gmail.com and be sure to follow on Instagram and TikTok. 

Cesar Cardona:

• Receive his newsletter Insights That Matter
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Foster Wilson:

• Buy her poetry book Afternoon Abundance
• Learn about her postpartum services
• Receive her newsletter Foster’s Village

Created & Hosted by: Cesar Cardona and Foster Wilson

Executive Producer: Glenn Milley

Editor: Bessie Fong

Special Guest: Dedrick Bonner

This episode is brought to you by Arlene Thornton & Associates

Transcript

Dedrick (00:01)
My religion taught that what I was was an abomination and who I was meant that I had a demonic spirit inside of me and I believe that. I thought something was legitimately wrong with me. Now you have me crying on this damn podcast. Ain't nothing wrong with this black bitch.

Foster (00:16)
Yeah.

Welcome back to Beauty in the Break. You know, we are a independent podcast and we are growing and we have grown so much in the last year. Thank you for your support of the show. We would like to keep growing. We would like to spread the show to as many people as needed. So if you could, think of two people that might enjoy this episode and text it to them right now. That would really help us out a lot.

Cesar (00:44)
All right, let's get back to it. want to start off by saying, Dedrick, thank you for being here. Of course. are a beautiful, wonderful, amazing person. are, I said this when someone asked me who I had on today, was like, he's like a friend, distant, but we have a same mutual friend that we love so much. And then when I hugged you, was like, why, why am I not hanging out with him? I mean, you're busy, I'm busy.

Dedrick (00:51)
them.

Foster (01:09)
We're gonna hang out with you right now.

Dedrick (01:09)
You know, I'm playing it, absolutely.

Cesar (01:12)
I want to say as an introduction, Dedrick Bonner. you for being a creative director, singer, songwriter. You have worked with the amazing people, Beyonce, DS, yes, and Dolly Parton, Stevie Wonder. I'm sure the list goes on and on and on.

Dedrick (01:16)
Here it is my

Foster (01:26)
Yes.

Dedrick (01:34)
I'm

gonna do your research, okay perv.

Cesar (01:38)
It is just it's just phenomenal phenomenal phenomenal phenomenal you are amazing person. I feel honored and happy that you are here I feel grateful for you In addition to that we were you were saying just before we started taping here that you're just a man from Alabama

Can we talk about gratitude as a colored man, as a black man here? Every day I say to myself, you just a nigga from Jacksonville, Florida, self-employed doing this work. Gratitude is amazing right now.

Dedrick (02:07)
one.

Yes, and I'm very grateful of the journey. Because like I say, I am a PK, pastor's kid from Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Grew up in a Pentecostal church, COGIC, Church of God in Christ. Shout out COGIC. And as you can imagine, as a black gay man, the struggles that that entails, leaving the South, leaving the church and the issues that one faces with that. I'm...

Just looking at my life now, I realize that everything I went through set me up for exactly what I'm doing right now. And to give me a sort of ground and groundness and comfort that I can do what I love and spread the power of music in an honest, genuine and organic way, which is why I think I still am blessed to still work in this industry.

Cesar (03:00)
Okay.

I love hearing that. Thank you for sharing that part of you. It resonated with me so much to think about that. There's that gratefulness of where we are. 50 years, we couldn't have done this. 100 years, couldn't have. 200 years ago, 300 years ago, any traveling would have been done by us on a boat. And we are standing here as people, as individuals, as men of color who have the ability to reach forward and become exactly at the same level that the other people in the world

Dedrick (03:09)
Mm-hmm.

Cesar (03:31)
have been holding on to for centuries, centuries. as much work that needs to be done in this society, I am still really grateful that I live in this time, that we can be active in the world and become who we are.

Dedrick (03:45)
Yes,

that's the thing. Even though there's a lot of work that has to be done, ⁓ we have a voice and we didn't have voices before. That's the difference. Right now we have a voice that can be heard and that is heard. And so that is huge strides in our culture and community. And here in the good old US of A.

Cesar (04:09)
You

Foster (04:10)
And your voice was just at the SAG Awards.

Dedrick (04:14)
So I was blessed enough to work on music and sing on the album for Sinners on, I think it was like seven or eight songs. And some of which I like helped arrange. so when Sinners, and that's the thing, going into the project, they don't tell you what the project is for. I just got a call from Warner Brothers and they were like, hey, and it was Warner Brothers. I'm like, of course I want to answer like, hey girl, what's going on? And they were like, we have this project, we would love.

you to help on it. So of course I then joined on the project with this group called DC6 Singers Collective, which was phenomenal group of singers. And we just went in having fun. As the sessions went on, we realized, this is going to be a powerful.

moving at a powerful statement, then we found out what it was. And of course, fast forward all these months, year plus later, you know, it's won so many awards. And so when the SAG Awards were coming around, they reached out and asked if we would perform, which was ironic because there has never, ever been a performance at the SAG Actors Awards ever in the history of the SAG Awards.

Foster (05:18)
It's so hard to believe.

Dedrick (05:19)
Well,

here's the interesting thing. They had asked us to do the Oscars before the SAG Awards. And so I'm like, oh yeah, obviously every song that's nominated for an Oscar, normally two or three will perform. When we found out that the song lied to you is going to be nominated for an Oscar, was like, oh my God, maybe we'll get to perform. So they called us to perform for the Oscars first. Two weeks later, they were like, hey, we're going to ask you to do the, can you all do something for the SAG Awards? And I remember thinking to myself, I was like, are there performances at the SAG Awards? I was like, there must be. So when we had...

When we were trying to come up with concepts for it, didn't look YouTube, sag war performances, never. Nothing. And we were the very first ones to perform there. And for it to be a cast of all Brown people on that stage for the first performance was just powerful. And representing centers at the, was a powerful moment. And I'm very honored that I got to be there.

Foster (06:08)
And that performance from the SAG Awards just takes your breath away. I encourage everyone, if you haven't seen it, to go YouTube it because the boy who sang...

Dedrick (06:18)
Yes, so that's Miles. So Miles Canton, who was the lead in centers, that's his cousin.

His cousin who is currently playing young Michael Jackson on Broadway in the Jackson musical. I didn't know who he was and they were like, CJ, when we were rehearsing, was like, CJ's coming in to sing that verse. I'm like, who is CJ? And then he walked in and this, the nicest, sweetest little nugget, he about this big, walked in, this high pitched voice, and then he opened his mouth to sing. said, my.

And then he was like, yeah, that's my cousin. was like, of course it is, of course it is. So your whole family are just beasts of singers. big deal. No big deal. No big deal. Right. And so, but to see both of them together on that stage, knowing both of their, like learning of their journeys as well. And then it was just a powerful, amazing moment. And there was a shot that someone took of Michael B, Lyndon and Miles and his cousin, they were like four generations of art. It was...

beautiful and because they just so happen to be sitting right behind each other in order of the generations it was crazy.

Cesar (07:27)
Talk about barrier breaking. Talk about barrier breaking. My goodness, my goodness. Take me back to Alabama though. That's what I want to know about. Because you got me on this. I know the feeling. We're from the South. We're doing this. tell me, tell me, tell me where you started. me the thing.

Foster (07:28)
Yeah, really.

What was it like to be you?

Dedrick (07:47)
You know, I've always been different. When I say different, I've always been...

my own individual person in the aspect of I would always be by myself during recess because if I was intrigued with something, would instead of playing with everyone, I would be reading this book about clouds. was obsessed with clouds when I was a child. So I would just lay down and watch the clouds and the weather and read books about that. so I've always been independent. And I think it's because I grew up with so many siblings in such a loud household because everyone had big personalities, including my parents, including all of my siblings. I learned how to be

an observer and just listen and just watch. And I was also very independent because I didn't need, I never needed the attention of anyone. And so I enjoy just being by myself and watching my siblings be crazy as hell. ⁓ But also growing up in the church that that then created obviously issues because my religion taught.

something completely different than who I am. My religion taught that what I was was an abomination and who I was meant that I had a demonic spirit inside of me and all these things. And when you're taught that as a child, know, they always say your parents are God in the eyes of a child. And I believe that I thought something was legitimately wrong with me. And I remember trying to pray the gay away for years and years and years and having such a mental battle. Can you imagine being in middle school?

but you don't even know who you are, let alone. And the thing was, what was interesting about it, I didn't even know that gay was a thing. was my parents saw it before I did. And they placed that label on me and started asking me, which made me even more uncomfortable and more.

Because also you have to realize we have this family church and this family legacy of now generations in this town. Everyone knows who we are. Everyone knows our last name. And so I didn't want to tarnish that name. And so I tried to change who I was or fix who I was, shall I say. And so that, of course, presented its many battles and many decades of therapy. ⁓

Foster (10:01)
And that poor child, like, you know, him just really trying to quote unquote make things right, you know? Like I just wanna, I just wanna, I love my family and I love my church and my people around me and I just wanna fit in here, I imagine. that right?

Dedrick (10:17)
And that's all I want to do is just fit in. But fast forward now, I'm about to be 40 this year. Fast forward to now, I can look at that kid and if I were to see him now, I would say, stay the course.

because your fear is what's going to save not only you, but your entire family. And it's change that I name, like, my entire family. I have openly queer nieces and nephews where it's not a thing. And I realized I had to go through so that they could fly.

Cesar (10:49)
We've done an episode on gatekeeping and we found that some people in the world do the opposite. They're gate greeters. They're the ones who open the gate and say, all right, everybody, let's show you how this is done because I did the work to open this. You, my friend, would be a gate greeter.

Foster (11:10)
you said that you have queer nieces and nephews, my whole body relaxed. It's like the tension of trying to hold together this system that doesn't work and you feeling like it's falling on you. And when you broke that through for other people, now everybody can just be who they are. How beautiful. Did you have other people in your family that also kind of...

relaxed about their perception?

Dedrick (11:41)
All of them both queer and straight because I had -- something my mother told me which can sound crazy and asinine for a mother to say to her child but I understood it. So we of course we went through a thing phase where I wasn't accepted. I was ostrasized. I got kicked out of the house, all those things. I went through all those things. But years later before my father passed away, he said my goal is to bring my family back together and he did just that and I remember after my father passed my mother said to me, about a year later. She said I have to apologize to you

And I was like, oh what for? like, I mean, there could be a myriad of things, I'm like, and she was like, she was like I have to apologize and thank you. She said I apologize because I realized I've never loved you. She said, and I thank you for teaching me what real love is. And that that was freeing for me.

That sounds like a crazy thing to say from a mother to a child, but I understood her in that moment. And she had realized that she had let the church and her beliefs in religion forego her being a human being and knowing what actual love is.

Not you have me crying on this damn podcast, it was a-- so when I say that's why I can say to that child, stay the course because you were freeing everyone in this family from bonds that I had no idea. I had no idea my mother was suffering so much with the idea of love. Now she just gallivanting around living her best life, loving everybody, loving her son. And that's the thing everyone end up loving themselves. I mean, comfortable in their own skin and then going to re--. They then took that and reevaluated their own lives, a lot of which left

that church and found rediscovered the spirituality and religion. And that's why I can say that I, I was put on this earth, whether you believe in God or a higher power, I was made perfect to fix and help and change everything around me, including myself. Ain't nothing wrong with this black bitch.

Foster (13:43)
That is beautiful. So if you go to that moment where she says to you, I never loved you, right? Yes, I hear how horrible that can sound. You must have known or felt that from her and for her to validate that that is, that was her truth. That must be what was so comforting about that statement.

Dedrick (14:11)
That was first part about that statement. What that said to me, because for so many years I couldn't understand how someone could treat their own child how I was being treated from there. But it just didn't make sense to me. And then when she said that, I said, ⁓ I understand it now because you never had love for me. That's why you were able to put me in this.

category of a non-human demonic spirit where it made it so easy for you to cast aside. But now that you know what love is, you're able to come back and be like, I'm sorry, I fucked up. I'm sorry, I don't know if I'm allowed to I fucked up royally and I never loved you. But I can say from now on, I know what true love is because not only did she fall in love with me, she fell in love with herself.

Cesar (15:05)
Damn right. The amending is everything. There's all sort of studies now in therapy for parenting that say, we talk about this a lot with our kids, it's you're going to fuck up. And that's in everything in life. But in her case, it's the turning and saying, take responsibility for it. My mother did the same thing to me. She flushed out a bunch of stuff that she did and that she was.

It was all I ever wanted from her. Really. She gave and gave and gave a lot in my life and she still does and I love her completely for it. But when she did that, it was now we're shaking hands here. Now we're hugging. You're actually seeing me as an individual. Is your mother still alive now? Yes. How are your relationship?

Dedrick (15:50)
We are so much, but it's an interesting thing because you know how we say that kids become the parents.

Or any advice, it's like she can't make a decision unless she calls me, gets my advice, I help her. I'm the mediator between me and my other siblings when there's an issue going on, when they have an issue, she calls me. so we have, I was saying this to my niece the other day, this is a woman that I did not know, that I'm very grateful that I do know now. The woman that I grew up with in my adult life, if I met her on the street, we would never be friends. But the current woman that I get to experience life with, we can be best friends.

Cesar (16:28)
That's beautiful. That's beautiful. You and you are the fourth of five kids, right? Okay. And so you have to now juggle and mediate between all of these people that gives you that leadership quality as a person, but you're also a creative director as well. So I'm sure there's a bleeding over of how to deal with other people and their things as well. Right? I'd assume so.

Dedrick (16:50)
Absolutely.

Cesar (16:53)
It makes me wonder when I meet people like you who are just naturally leading and leading, what makes the best leader?

Dedrick (17:02)
⁓ Thank you for calling me a leader. never, people always say you're such a good leader. I never walk into any situation trying to be a leader that's just...

Cesar (17:12)
Girl I

met you in a studio. I was just sitting there. I didn't get to say hi to you and I was like Laying it down in the best way possible, you know, so yeah

Dedrick (17:25)
But I can say, I will say my superpower is being a great leader means that you can look at someone and you see their greatest potential before they even can see it. And I will say that is my greatest strength is I can see a room of so many people and know the greatness that we can create before they even know it.

A lot of times people will be like, why did you, I'm so, like, I'm so honored you asked me to do this gig. Why do you have me on this session? I'm so grateful. Blah, blah. Or they'd like, I'm nervous to do this. I'm like, no, no. I said, you got this. And then by the end they're like, my God, I didn't think I could do that. I'm so relaxed. And I was like, yeah, I said, you got it. And that's the thing. And at the end of the day, has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with them and their greatness. And I will say, I'm so blessed that I...

I, so many phenomenal great people come into my life and that I get to collaborate with. And so, if you want to call me a leader, I guess that's what I love to do. I get to see people's potential before they even realize it.

Cesar (18:35)
That's

fantastic. There's a quote from the Buddha that says the seeker has to walk the way. The Buddha is just pointing it out. And this is where we are in this juncture. You see the person for what they have. You give them the way. They have to walk it still, but you've pointed it out. That's phenomenal. That's just fantastic. I would say you are a leader. My friend, I appreciate the humility, but also take your bow. If you can call a great mutual friend of ours, Dwayne Benjamin, take your bow.

Dedrick (19:04)
We ⁓

Foster (19:09)
And you have this group, Fingers of Soul,

thank you. You put this group together to like build a home for artists, right? Tell me why you put the group together.

Dedrick (19:20)
which I cannot believe it's been 14 years. 14 years! is crazy! What happened was I was losing the joy in music and what I was doing from auditioning all the time and just trying to make a living and hearing no all the time and feeling that I wasn't worthy enough. And I said, you know what, let me take a step back because the moment that this is not fun for me, I don't want to do it. And so I took a step back and I was like,

I have a, know so many singers. Why don't we just come together at my house on Sundays? I'll play the piano, get us some mimosas, order some food and let's just hang out and have fun and just sing without any pressure. There's no, there's no stakes. Let's just go back to singing what we want to sing. And so it started out just as that community of like-minded individuals. was five of us and we were just saying at my house on Sundays during football season and have so

much fun. And then it turned into, well, then let's practice auditioning in front of each other and like give it honest feedback. Because the hardest thing to do, as you all know, as artists is to do it in front of your closest of friends. And we said, well, if we can get comfortable enough doing this in front of our closest of friends, when we walk into a room, bitch, I know, but tell us nothing. And so we started doing that. And, kind of one thing led to another. I had a friend who was like, well, my friend is about to open up a restaurant. We should see if he wants us to sing on Sundays.

He didn't got to pay us anything. so it turned out every Sunday for football season. And as you know, on here on the West Coast, football games started like 6 a.m. in the morning. So we would be there at 5 30 singing during every commercial break from like 5 30 a.m. until like 3 p.m. And it endless. Didn't care. It was so much fun. It was not wasn't getting paid. He was paying us in food and alcohol. That's all we wanted. That's all we needed. And so that just

And it was always meant to be just something fun. And I wanted a safe space, a community, safe space for all of us individuals. It turned out that a lot of us were those who were either PKs or religious who are now queer and never felt like we had a safe space to really sing gospel songs and not be judged. And so it just so happened this became a safe haven for artists and a community for singers. And here we are.

14 years later and we had done a lot, which I'm very grateful for.

Foster (21:55)
So you have booked gigs though together, right? Oh god, yes. then turned into something that was also business,

Dedrick (22:05)
Yes, it is.

Cesar (22:07)
I'm

just loving that you won the video game and then you went back into the side quests and then championed those as well and you just ended up back in the game again and then won it again.

Foster (22:18)
Well, this is something I'm like trying to figure out in my life, which is I have this habit and I've only just realized this, but he's like, I've definitely known this about you. I have this habit of finding something fun that I love to do and then making it work, like turning it into work. Well, I want to do, I love acting, so I'll be an actor and then I'll just study all the time and work at it. And I'm not.

worthy unless I've made it and all of these things. And it just turns into a business and a chore. you're talking about auditioning constantly and being sort of alone in your own process. And I find that I continue to do that with a lot of creative things. It's fun for a bit and then it turns into work. then I, cause I've like gotta monetize it or something. And so you got back to the fun and the play.

but then it still turned into something that was like monetized. How do you keep the fun in there? What's the secret?

Dedrick (23:19)
It's because I get to, I, at this point, I don't work because that would say when you find something you love, which is so cliche, when you love what you do, you never work a day in your life. That is true. That doesn't mean it's not stressful as fuck. cause a lot of sleepless nights. Yes, it does. But because I get to every creative opportunity I get, I get to bring my best of friends along with me, that it just turns into a fun. It's every gig is like a,

back yard barbecue with my cousins. And it really is. And I'm so grateful for that because there's a lot of times, like for instance, the SAG Awards, this weekend where a lot of pressure is on me because I am creatively directing this massive moment that is happening for this massive event where that would...

lend itself to be more stressful than it needs to be. But I can turn around and look at my best friend and be like, you got this, you got this. Or they'll just come up to me and grab my arm and just stand next to me. Just because they can feel that this a lot's happening. Let me just, you know.

let me bring you some water, let me grab your clothes out of the car. It's like stuff like that that happens all the time. I'm so grateful to that. So I'm so grateful to have this community. And so it has continued to remain fun for me. And I realized it was meant to happen because now I'm not saying this to like to my own home by any means, but all of us who are struggling in the industry, I'm able to keep my friends working.

Cesar (24:50)
Right.

Dedrick (24:51)
which is been, that's all I've ever wanted to do. interesting enough, my really close friends know this about me. Although I'm a Virgo, I'm such an introvert. I don't like the spotlight. I love being behind the scenes. I love championing other people. Every time I book a gig, I'm like, I have the perfect singers for it. I will just orchestrate behind the scenes. And of course, it then turns into, no, we need you on camera. We need you to come sing. And I'm like, And so,

But yeah, it's still fun for me and will continue to be because I have all these amazing people around me who I just love and adore and who have been my family out here.

Foster (25:28)
I thought that was really interesting part of your story is that you were a solo artist and then you chose to go behind the scenes and do more arranging and bringing people together and stay more in the background. And I had curiosities about that. why it sounds like a step back, but it feels, actually what I'm hearing is that it's the more authentic step for you.

Dedrick (25:51)
The honest answer, I was sick and tired of seeing black queer stories told through the lens of white people or non brown people. And I realized quickly that I had more power to change the industry if I went behind the scenes than if I were in front of the camera.

because now I look at the McDonald's commercial that I was creative directing and I got to hire everyone.

I got to bring in the because there's so many times where I will go into spaces and I'll get in my contract. If you want me to work on this project, be creative, direct, I get choice of who I bring in as far as talent. When I was in the Old Navy holiday campaign ad, I was like, I want choice. I get choice of talent if I'm creative directing this. And so I make sure that I am inclusive of all people in every space that I work. And I love to give opportunities to what quote unquote the underdog or bring people in spaces where they're

normally not accepted. Bringing in women. You'll be shocked how many spaces or tables that I sit in in business meetings and where I look around there are brown people but there are no women. And so I call my mother.

Foster (27:07)
I'm not too shocked about that.

I can point you to an episode we've done recently if you want.

Dedrick (27:16)
Yeah, but it's like with that I realized that I have more power behind the scenes and so I will push okay, well let's instead of me ending I have this phenomenal female MD she'll come in and do it and I also I made sure that I am at the end of the day I have final say so with so much if you get me then you get all my people and so because I like I said I saw that early early on and then sure I was like I can do more behind the scenes. Yeah, then I fell in love with it

Foster (27:45)
Yeah, yeah.

Cesar (27:47)
You have to work

with a company that you maybe fundamentally don't agree with. then there we go. Do you internally, and I'm asking you this as a personally, honestly, because I wonder these same things for myself. How do you make those two sides meet each other? These two opposite ends of I can be change and also this company itself is not pro change.

Foster (27:54)
How

Dedrick (28:12)
Yeah, yes. When you ask that question, it's interesting you ask that because there is a company that I work with, a corporate company that I work with, I've been working with since 2018 and I'm about to do something with them again. And when I first got on, was brutal.

Cesar (28:29)
world.

Dedrick (28:31)
because people didn't understand why I was there. And it was, I walk into this room and it's like 20 white men over the age of like 60. And then you have me, this young black queer man at the time who was like 30 years old, six, five. This is very true. Six foot five. You know, I come in and they're having to listen to me and take my advice.

Cesar (28:46)
And how tall are you? Exactly.

Dedrick (28:59)
And it was a lot of pushback, a lot of emails, lot of things other than a breath, a lot of things said. But then I realized in that moment, I have two options. I can just leave. I can just treat this like, I'm just get the check.

You know, and bounce and roll out. said, or I can walk in, even though they don't want to give me a seat at the table, bitch, I walked in with my own fucking table. And now fast forward. Now they are asking for a seat at my table. Begging for me to come work with him. And I've had many a conversation with some of the execs at this company where they're like, you've really changed my perspective on what I viewed a gay man, a black person, a female. And you know, you've really changed.

my way of thinking when it came to this. That doesn't happen all the time, but I remember with this specific company, I remember making the conscious decision. I remember my manager said, you don't have to do this. Cause I was racking my brain like these people are driving me crazy cause they will never get it. And she was like, you don't have to do this. And I said, no, I'm going to make a conscious decision and bring in people that I know are going to make them uncomfortable and show them that the power that we have. And it was undeniable because baby, you know what they do listen to?

Money, money talk. And when they realize that we can make a pretty coin and that we are extremely marketable, maybe they change that to real quick. Yeah, that is a color they care about. Green.

Cesar (30:12)
Yes.

That is the color they care about. That what

they care about. Green, Yes. I find myself trying to do so much more work of understanding these different sides. And one of the things I find the most is that it's hard to hate up close.

And the more you sit with people who are from the other side of whatever it is, it's hard to hate them because you start seeing past their projected fears about somebody that they just don't know. They haven't been around and then that their circle has informed them that they are dangerous or not like really, or a blasphemous or whatever the phrase you want to use. It's very hard to hate up close. And the more time you spend with them, the more connected, the more you can get some work done together.

I love that you said you had these people coming up against you. It reminded me of in an interview you said that You knew you could be a singer when you sang no weapon Against me shall prosper Fred Hammond, is that right? Okay, there's a lyric in there I'm gonna read this don't be afraid of the evils or snares of my enemies And then they say the song says there just ain't one Which is to say there's many evils and snares. What tools do you go to when?

And you have to deal with people like that.

Dedrick (31:40)
That's a great question because as you know in any industry, just in life in general, there will always be those who oppose you. will always be people who want your demise and all of those things. I've always said that my biggest strength is my skill set. I've always known that what I have to offer is different from anybody else and there will never be another me.

and no one can do what I do, which is why I'm in this room. And my mother actually told me this when I was a child. She said, all my kids are blessed with a specific gift. She said, DJ, you are blessed with a gift of favor. She said it to me my entire childhood. I didn't know what that meant. The gift of favor? gift of favor. When I realized what that meant was she used to say, you are going to be walking to rooms and you're going to question why are you there? How did you get there? And eventually everyone's going to fall in love with you and trust any word that comes out of your mouth.

And I look at that now, and there's been many a times where I knew I was walking to a space where there are a lot of people who were against me or didn't want me to succeed. But I walked in with such confidence because I knew that my skill set and what I had to offer was greater than any obstacle put in front of me, that I knew that I could tackle anything or anyone.

Because at the end of the day, I was blessed with a skill set that nobody fucking has. And so that has been my biggest armor.

Cesar (33:08)
Thank you for

answering that. appreciate that. The uniqueness of you as an individual. Jimi Hendrix would say, says in his song, a message of love, find yourself first and then your tool. And that is everything. Thank you for saying that. I appreciate that. ⁓ You, it's going to be endless in this field of work. You're always going to find enemies, right? I'm going to assume you're always going to find, we always find people and they're quote unquote enemies because again, the closer you get to them, the more you realize, they,

just have their fears. They're just worried as much as I am about some other thing. And then you find out that's not the case, right? Speaking of our mutual friend and also working in the industry, I asked our friend, Dwayne Benjamin, to give us some words of what he feels and how he sees you. He said, in the business that I work in and the town I work in, it's hard sometimes to find real people.

Dedrick (33:56)
⁓ please don't make it great.

Cesar (34:07)
Everything is about the hustle. Fake friends who are just trying to get somewhere in their career and just care about how you can get them there. We spot them a mile away, but it also makes our vision much more clear when we see the real people that love you. They shine and you recognize them instantly. Dedrick is one of those people. He is love. It comes out of every pore of his body. He is real. And that's why I love him so much. Now.

When you find that person and they are talented, educated and professional, well you can't ask for more than that. But if you did, Dedrick is the cat that'll give it to you. I love you.

Dedrick (34:49)
Fuck all of y'all. I have so much admiration and respect for that man. Because he has done it all and seen it all. And he is not a man that menses his words. He says exactly what he means and how he feels. And that's an honor. Thank you. You're welcome. For sharing that. Thank you. That's all I've ever wanted to be is just a beacon of love.

Cesar (34:56)
He's a beautiful man.

Doesn't matter.

Dedrick (35:15)
and hope I remember when I was, because I did a stint where I was homeless, you know, because you get kicked out of the house, and they're get out, bitch. And so I remember just being homeless and saying to myself that if, God, universe, whoever, if you can just get me out of this situation and get me to a place that I can be a blessing to someone else.

I promise to just be a beacon of love and make sure no one around me will ever have to suffer and feel this feeling that I'm feeling right now. And I feel like that is what has kept me here, you know.

Foster (35:51)
You

know what I'm hearing is I'm hearing your through line of what you want which is to lift other people up and to be love I I'm not hearing from you what I hear from a lot of people and it's understandable But I hear a lot of people say I just want to make it. I just want to be successful I and all of us artists like we're always trying to like climb this ladder of like

How can I be seen? How can I be noticed? How can I sort of quote unquote make it? In my book, you are doing all of the things that it sounds like that you have wanted to do and they are on very big stages and they're with very big people and they're very important and you have your own table and you have your own power and your creative power. But that's not your through line. Your through line is I'm trying to bring my friends up and keep everybody eating and like, you know.

and being loved. And so I'm learning so much from you right now. We're just focused on the wrong things sometimes.

Cesar (36:59)
Mm-hmm.

Dedrick (37:01)
Yeah,

you are so correct and I'm, that's why I say everything I went through, I'm very grateful for because it gave me this perspective on life. Because at the end of the day, none of that, we all know that none of that matters. All I care about, are you happy? Are you happy? That's all I care about. There are kids that I mentor.

And I say to them, you know, we used to, when we were growing up, we would have the question, what do want to be when you grow up? What do you want to be when you grow up? I never asked the question. said, what do you like? What makes you happy? I don't care what it is. If you find something you truly enjoy and focus on being the best at that, it will eventually make you money. Um, but

So many people, especially in our American culture, think that we are meant to live on this earth and just work and have kids and be stressed because we're gonna die for this greater good and go to heaven or whatnot. so many, I think it was Viola Davis recently said, she said, my nightmare is laying on my last day on earth, looking at myself in the mirror and saying,

I never became the person I wanted to be. And I never experienced life how I want to experience life. And that's all I care about, being happy and making sure everyone around me is really experiencing life in the best, happiest, funnest way possible. And I am blessed that I get to do that. You know, life is short. Life is short. And I tell you, I ain't got time to do nothing. I don't want a motherfucking.

Foster (38:35)
I don't

Cesar (38:37)
My peace is too... I will not sacrifice it. I found it, by the way.

Dedrick (38:40)
Mm-hmm. Uh-uh. I thought

it's hard to find. Yeah, when you do. yeah.

Cesar (38:50)
You know that or I'm gonna leave cuz this peace this shit mad It's all you

Dedrick (38:53)
And I have no problem, if you wanna stay there, that's fine. Your best life.

I'm exiting stage left. Toodles.

Cesar (39:01)
So these are stack of cards here that we have that have deep questions on it. Pull one at random, answer it if you'd like. You can veto it and pull another card as well and see what we get. We don't know what's going happen.

Foster (39:12)
Let the cards speak for themselves.

Dedrick (39:14)
says describe a time you showed a lot of resilience. Yeah, right. ⁓ mean, honestly, just navigating family dynamics after being kicked out. That was time where I didn't realize how strong I was because I wanted to give up.

Cesar (39:19)
God, that was the whole interview.

Foster (39:21)
See above!

Dedrick (39:38)
No matter what I do in my career in my life now, nothing will ever compare to that and be as hard as that That's why I don't mind walking into a room with 20 men who I know hate me. You're not, please.

Foster (39:51)
You can't touch it. That's what

Cesar (39:52)
Yeah,

Foster (39:55)
I have. When I lost my son, Wilde, between my two living children, I lost a baby. And I talk about this being like, once I went through that experience is when I just was, I just said, fuck it to everything. Like, you want me to do this thing that I'm scared of creatively? Fine. Fuck it. I'll direct that. Yeah, no problem. I don't have anything to lose because I feel like I just went through the worst thing that I could imagine. And now

There's nothing scares me anymore. And I hear that from you too. How old were you when you got kicked out? ⁓ And what did that look like? Where did you go? You were homeless.

Cesar (40:32)
The homeless part? The unhoused part?

Dedrick (40:34)
At first my best friend Ronnie, I love you Ronnie, Ronnie and his mother, she was a single mother, she took me in for the first year. And the interesting thing about all of that is I never came out to my parents. What I said was I, because I had like tried to pray the getaway like was literally every Sunday, every time we were at church I was at the altar having the pastor pray like every single chance I was in church and

You know, it wasn't going away. like, I still am in love with my, all these menseses. And so, you know, all these menseses. And so I told them, I said to them, I said, I have these feelings that I have tried to work out on my own and I can't, so I need your help. That's what I said to them. And instantly in my mother's...

brain what she heard was I'm gay and then what she equated in her mind was I have a child in my under my roof that is a demonic presence that must be removed immediately and her religion taught her that

If that happened, means you had done something. My mother thought she had done, and this was her punishment, and God was testing her to see how she would respond to it, and if she would be willing to give up her child for, that's, it's crazy how religion can work. It's so deep, how it went. And so in her mind, the smartest thing to do is to remove me from the situation.

And so, ⁓ yeah, I left, moved in with my friend, Ronnie, for the first year. And because my family was still so prominent and I still felt guilt, I didn't tell anyone besides my best friend, Ronnie. So I still went to school with my brothers. By the way, would see them, not speak. I would speak, they wouldn't speak, but.

went an entire year, thank God I was a year ahead in school and so I was working in a place called Danbury Movie Theater. I would always take the latest shift so that I could stay there clean and if I didn't feel comfortable enough going back to my friend Ronnie's, I would sleep there. I had zero period, don't know if, I don't know, that may not be a thing now anymore. Zero period was like if you had an AP class or whatnot, which was before school started. So I would go shower in the gym, then go to zero period and go to school and so, but after like nine months, I could

since the strain it was putting on my best friend's mother. And I was like, I'm good, let me just leave. And so I was in without a home for like two and a half years. Wow. Yeah.

Cesar (43:22)
Where did you stay?

Dedrick (43:24)
On the streets, I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't dive into things that I should not have, but I did because at that point it was like I was so sheltered that when I left, now mind you, my religion, it was one of those religions where women can't wear makeup, can't wear pants, dancing is a sin, going to the movies is a sin, like everything was a sin. So by the time I left, I did not know the difference between tobacco and weed, beer and liquor. Like even communion, we had

juice. Like there was no alcohol. So and I never witnessed it in my house. Like no one in my family.

Cesar (43:59)
No

barometer on what actually is dangerous and what's not.

Dedrick (44:03)
And so I would,

they would say, this makes you feel good, so try this. And I would do, and everything got mixed into all the wrong crowds. Eventually found, my goal was if I get to college, that is my safe space because it's a guaranteed place to sleep, guaranteed food. And so I just really worked hard so that I can get a full ride to college.

Foster (44:26)
Is that what happened? Yes.

Dedrick (44:28)
Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Wow. Amazing. Come on, Ohio University. Thank you. Ohio University. Buckeyes is Ohio State. Sorry. We're the original. We're the OGs of the universities in Ohio. So in Athens, Ohio.

Cesar (44:46)
I I see. That first night of laying in that space must have been heaven.

Dedrick (44:49)
Oh,

baby, it was amazing. And interesting thing is, like, I still was still trying to protect my family because you could only, we were quarter, so it was three quarters. And when you got out after winter quarter, when we were out for Thanksgiving, you were out for Thanksgiving.

Christmas and New Year's, which is a long period of time. So everyone would go home. The only way I could stay on, because I didn't have anywhere to go and I didn't want to tell anyone, the only way to stay on campus was if you were like a double major or a triple major and you need to take classes. So was like, fuck it, I'll be triple major so I can stay. So I would stay every summer and take classes every winter break and take classes just so I always had a place to sleep and stay.

Foster (45:23)
Yeah.

Cesar (45:34)
My God.

Foster (45:34)
That

is resilience,

Cesar (45:35)
That is resilience.

I think a lot of us think that, or we perceive resilience or bravery as not feeling fear, being strong and just doing the thing. It's not actually. It is falling back. It is losing. It is feeling like you have completely been obliterated. It is death of some capacity in a spiritual, mental, physical sense. The word itself, resilience, is Latin. It's resiliades is the word, and it means to bounce back.

So that's an implication that you had to go back first before you can bounce. And I think you listening here, whoever you are listening, it's a deep reminder that you don't have to just hit the mark every single time. And you will fail. You will find moments that are going to break you completely.

Dedrick (46:08)
Maybe I'm on my way back.

Foster (46:10)
Exactly.

Dedrick (46:26)
And there's beauty in failure.

Cesar (46:27)
There's so much beauty in failing no no smooth see made a skillful sailor you know you're going to get that choppiness and You better enjoy it you better say that I'm on the right road then Road is uncharted and there's no footprints here that I'm doing

Foster (46:44)
love

finding someone who's in a rock bottom. One of somebody that I know is going through something that I would consider a rock bottom because I always get to be like, ⁓ this is great actually for you because what it means is that you're meant for something so much higher and you're...

at for whatever reason, you're not getting the message quickly enough and you're meant to go somewhere higher. So to do that, we're going to strip away all these things that you had a safety net. Maybe that's lose your job. Maybe that's lose your partner. Maybe that's whatever it is. And now you've got this like clear space from which to build. And I do think that rock bottoms for anyone who is like in one right now, they are they're a real humbling place, but they are.

a blessing in disguise because over time you really will build from a stronger foundation and they're kind of beautiful.

Dedrick (47:39)
This is very true.

Cesar (47:41)
I found, and if I may say, we can cut this out if need be, but I found that our producer, my best friend, Glenn Milley, at the time that where things were really hard for him, I'd never saw him more calm, more clear, more resilient. I'd never seen that space. And you would assume at the worst place of the worst, you could just be crumbled. And if I may say also your worst fears.

that you were worried about, that you spent your whole life trying to avoid, happened. And you just went to a space and said, I am going to transcend this. And I tell that story constantly.

Dedrick (48:19)
Come on and look at you now. Come on, you don't look like what you've been through. My PK comes out every now and

Foster (48:24)
sorry.

Cesar (48:28)
I do want to know if I may ask, you've worked with so many successful people in this field. This is another question that I wonder a lot. What is a common trait you've seen in successful people?

Dedrick (48:41)
is such a good question. People always ask me, they normally ask, who's been the worst person I work with or who was the biggest diva? And I always say, the ones who were at the top are always the nicest. What I've discovered across the board between, and I'm not trying to name drop, but between Beyonce, Carole King, Aretha, Dolly Parton, they all,

had a calmness about them and was willing to collaborate and hear someone else's opinion. That was the thread between all of them. They understood what collaboration was and they were so comfortable and confident and what skill set they had to offer that no one could shake them. And that was a through line through all of these people, which is so ironic because what that taught me was that when people are mean or I come across people who are

Cesar (49:17)
There we are.

Dedrick (49:40)
You know, they feel like, this is mine. have to gatekeep this. That is all based in insecurity. That is solely based in insecurity because they are scared that what they have isn't good enough and it can be taken away from them. Everyone I've met on, you can't tell them nothing. You know, they're like, yeah, let's clap. Let's have fun. Let's do this. You know, I trust your opinion, you know, it'll work. They're confident in who they are. And, and so that's the, they're all willing to collaborate.

Foster (50:06)
Yeah.

Cesar (50:07)
and have no problem with that. Yeah, the collaboration and the niceness. I couldn't agree more. I worked with Drake once. I was on set with him and for a commercial. this is just my experience. So don't go past it. I haven't worked with him multiple days, just one long evening. First off, the guy showed up and he was like, can we change the music? Can we play something a little more chill, a little softer? We went overtime for shooting and then he stayed.

while we did the shoot and he went to every single person and thanked them for being here a little later. We were there late as can be. No matter what you think about the guy, whatever he's done or hasn't done, who knows, I don't know, but I recognize that how much he did not need to do that, he did. The African proverb of if you wanna go fast, go alone. If you wanna go far, go together. Lands and sticks every single time. There is no such thing as a self-made person. I don't care who.

Dedrick (50:53)
Yeah.

Say

it again. Say it again.

Cesar (51:03)
It is fake, is not true, it is an illusion.

Dedrick (51:06)
That's one thing that they all know. I did not get here by myself. And I have no... You know, taking these teams of people... Even with the Kardashians... So I do the Kardashians Christmas Eve party every year. We're like the greeters. So when you walk into the party... And we will sing for like three hours straight. There are millions of people there. Kim coming up, give us water. She's like, are you guys good? She's the one checking in. Kris come over. And it's like they all...

understand and appreciative that we are all in this together. We're all collaborating, trying to create an atmosphere of joy, happiness, love. So let's just all work together. know, no one's better or different than the other. Because at the end, like the song says, we all bleed the same child. And we do. And we do. so, yeah, it's a blessed thing.

Foster (51:59)
You are a blessing. Thank you so much for being here with us today. gosh. I encourage everyone who is listening to check out anything that you're doing. I have had moving experiences watching you perform and just like it comes from somewhere else. And I feel like that's a theme that

we keep hitting upon, but thank you for sharing your gift with the world. Thank you for everything that you do and bringing people together and spreading your love. And you've taught me so much today. Thank you.

Dedrick (52:27)
Oh my goodness, thank you all. Thank you for letting me share and just talk. I appreciate you both so much. Keep doing this. Keep inspiring the masses. Keep just being a beacon of hope and love, and joy and happiness. like I said, with everything going on in this world, just to feel like you're in a safe space, whether it's through a screen or through a microphone or just in person, it is brilliant. So thank you to you and the team behind the scenes. If y'all can't see them, I can see them. Thank you all for having me

Foster (52:56)
Okay.

Cesar (52:57)
And as always, please be kind to yourself.

Foster (53:02)
If this episode spoke to you, take a moment and send it to someone else who might need it. That's the best way to spread these conversations to the people who need them the most. And if you want to keep exploring with us, make sure to follow Beauty and the Break wherever you get your podcasts. We'll see you next time.

Cesar (53:19)
Beauty in the Break is created and hosted by Foster Wilson and Cesar Cardona. Our executive producer is Glenn Milley. Original music by Cesar + The Clew.