35 | Why Playing It Safe Is Sabotaging Your Career: Neuroscience-Backed Shifts for Working Moms featuring Yosi Kossowsky

Still waiting for someone to notice your leadership potential, promote your brilliance, or reward your loyalty?

Mama, it’s time to stop playing small and start leading loud.

In this episode, I sit down with neuroscience-based executive coach Yosi Kossowsky to unpack the hidden habits that are sabotaging your career growth—and what it really takes to be seen, respected, and paid like the leader you are.

This isn’t about doing more—it’s about owning your value and shifting how you show up.

We dive into:

• Why apologetic communication is holding you back (and how to fix it with confidence)
• What neuroscience reveals about your leadership blind spots
• The simple shift that changes how others perceive your value—fast
• How to advocate for your schedule, your needs, and your next big move without guilt

If you’ve ever dimmed your light to keep the peace, second-guessed your ask, or waited for permission to lead—this episode is your call to rise.

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Transcript

Shannon Fox:

Think playing it safe is the smart move in your career? Think again. In this episode, executive coach Yosi Kossowsky reveals why over apologizing, under communicating, and waiting for permission might be quietly killing your momentum. If you're a working mom juggling a lot and wondering why you're still feeling overlooked, you're not crazy, but you are ready for a shift.

We're breaking down neuroscience-backed insights to help you speak with confidence, advocate for yourself, and lead with strength, not apology. If you're ready to own your voice and lead like you mean it, this one's for you.

Intro:

Hey mama, welcome to Career Growth for Working Moms. If you're stuck in a job that doesn't fit or burning out trying to do it all, you're in the right place. I'm Shannon, a career coach and fellow working mom. Here, you'll get simple career strategies and strength-based leadership tips to help you grow with clarity and confidence. So grab your coffee or reheat it for the third time and let's do this.

Shannon:

Hello and welcome. I'm thrilled to be joined today by Yosi Kossowsky. Yosi is an executive coach with over 18 years of experience and more than 30 years in leadership, including roles like Chief Technology Officer and Senior Director of Talent Management. He specializes in helping leaders grow from the inside out, combining neuroscience, emotional intelligence, and real-world leadership strategy to support high performers as they navigate change, build influence, and create inclusive, resilient teams.

Yosi, welcome. I'm so excited to talk to you today about authentic leadership and what that looks like for these working moms.

Yosi Kossowsky:

Thank you, Shannon. Really happy to be on your show today.

Shannon:

So you've coached a lot of high-performing women who are balancing it all. What patterns have you noticed when it comes to how women, especially moms, may undervalue their strengths at work?

Yosi:

I really find that a lot of women, no matter how high they get, are undervaluing themselves vis-à-vis the men. Where men will often feel comfortable talking about their successes – or even their half-successes as successes – and will put themselves forward for something regardless if they’re fully qualified or not, because they trust they’ll get there.

I find that a lot of women I work with play it safer from a man’s perspective. For example, I’m working with a woman now who is pretty senior in a large company. Someone spoke to her a couple months ago about a pretty big promotion, and she didn’t mention it to her boss or anyone else. Now it’s coming into reality, and when she brought it up to her boss, he said, “Yeah, I’ve known about this for months.” She said, “You never said anything to me.”

I told her, there’s a really good chance that a man, as soon as he heard about the opportunity, would have gone to his boss and said, “Hey, did you hear about this at all?” He wouldn’t have waited to bring it up. He would have said, “This is my career. I own it. I’m going to fight for it,” and not wait for permission or for all the boxes to be checked.

It makes a really big difference. We’re not in direct competition with others, but in a way, we are. The mindset is: no one is going to fight for me as hard as I can fight for myself. That’s what I need to do.

Shannon:

I love that. And I would assume that comes down to communication with your boss. If they don’t even know you’re wanting that promotion, then they don’t know. So you have to communicate, “Hey, I’m ready to take it up to the next level,” correct?

Yosi:

Right. A basic principle I try to teach is: no one is a mind reader. There’s this idea of, “Well, they should have known.” How should they have known? Because they saw you leaving early or because you were telling them about challenges? And?

The idea that we should automatically detect everybody else’s life situation and what that should mean – it’s not going to happen. If I want someone to know something, I’ve got to tell them.

Shannon:

Definitely. You have to advocate for yourself, because if you don’t, then who is?

Yosi:

Exactly. And honestly, I say this as much to my male clients as I do to female clients. No one is going to advocate for you the way you can advocate for yourself.

I also find working moms often explain why they need a certain schedule, and I ask them: How do you think your boss hears that? As coming from a place of strength or a place of apology? If you tell me you’re letting me down, then I’ll accept that you’re letting me down.

Shannon:

That’s powerful. Choosing our tone plays a big role. Saying, “I’m leaving now. I know I’ve got this deadline, and I want you to know I’ve got it covered,” sounds so much more confident.

Yosi:

Exactly. It’s about communicating confidently rather than apologetically.

Shannon:

So how does neuroscience play into all of this and help people lead better?

Yosi:

Great question. Neuroscience has helped me understand subjective perception. No two people perceive the same way. When I’m talking to you, how do I know what you’re hearing? I don’t – unless you repeat back what you think I said.

Think about how rarely in our work environments we check for what the other person actually understands. We’re essentially playing roulette. Maybe they understood me the way I wanted, maybe they didn’t, and I have no idea until we’re disappointed and scrambling to figure out what went wrong.

Our emotional center yells “danger, danger,” and our logical center jumps in to defend, often by blaming: “They should have known.” But did I do everything I could to cover my bases? Did I validate they understood what I said? Did I communicate with confidence or apology? That’s how neuroscience informs my coaching work.

Shannon:

That’s so good. And it would apply whether you’re in management or in an entry role. Checking understanding helps with expectations, responsibilities, and building a better work environment.

Yosi:

100%. Our whole way of interacting is through communication. One senior leader I worked with recently realized she’d been communicating her whole life, but was leaving holes in her communication. We often don’t realize it.

Shannon:

How could moms returning to work use this neuroscience-backed approach?

Yosi:

I’d take it one step further back: re-level set expectations. Get clear on your roles, responsibilities, and success metrics. Define what success looks like with your manager. Confirm, “This is what I’m hearing you say; this is how I understand it.” If you can’t own it and check it, then any fallout is at least partially on you.

Shannon:

Absolutely. So what mindset tips do you have for these moms who feel stretched too thin?

Yosi:

First, own what you’re feeling. If you’re feeling stretched or overwhelmed, it’s not wrong or bad. It’s valid. Don’t double down on the pressure by blaming yourself for feeling the way you feel.

You’ve taken on the most awesome responsibility of building a family and doing things that even biologically men can’t do – at least yet. Give yourself a break. If you demonstrate self-care, others will see that and mirror it. If you beat yourself up, others may feel permission to do the same.

Shannon:

That is so true. 

So, where can people connect with you?

Yosi:

The best place is on LinkedIn. I know you’ll put my LinkedIn link in the show notes, and that’s really the best place right now.

Shannon:

Awesome. I love to leave my listeners with one final action step. What mindset shift would you want every high-achieving working mama to make today about leadership or self-worth?

Yosi:

If you can appreciate yourself, what you’ve taken on, and really allow yourself to feel that appreciation – for your life, for what you’re juggling and doing – you’ll feel better. And if you smile while you do it, you’ll kick off endorphins in the body, those feel-good chemicals. Close your eyes, think about how much you’re actually doing, feel grateful to yourself, and smile for 10-30 seconds. You will feel better.

Shannon:

Oh, I love that. Thank you so much, Yosi, for being here with us today.

Yosi:

Thank you, Shannon. I really enjoyed being on your show, and I wish you the most success as you continue to build your podcast.

Outro:

Hey, Working Mama, I hope you enjoyed today’s episode. If so, would you take 30 seconds to share it with a friend who’s stuck in her career but doesn’t want to sacrifice her family to grow? Also, please leave a quick review on Apple Podcasts. It seriously lights me up to know this show is helping you navigate burnout, find clarity, and lead with confidence.

All right, time to shut down my laptop and pretend I’m not hiding from folding that laundry. I’ll meet you back here soon for another episode of Career Growth for Working Moms. 

You’ve got this.