The Create Your Day Podcast

90. The Success Hangover: Why Achievements Leave You Feeling Empty

• Jenn • Episode 90

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Success often leaves us feeling empty because we're chasing an outdated model that wasn't designed to make us happy in the first place. The success hangover—that strange emptiness after achieving what you thought would bring fulfillment—is common among high achievers who constantly move their goalposts without celebrating their wins.

• Breaking free requires defining what "enough" looks like for you
• Success isn't a destination you arrive at, but a feeling you experience
• Most of us chase someone else's definition of success (society's, parents', or even our past selves')
• The key question isn't "what more can I achieve?" but "what feels good to me?"
• Small, intentional shifts create sustainable change better than dramatic overhauls
• Audit your time and energy to see what's draining you versus fulfilling you
• Setting boundaries isn't harsh—it's necessary to create space for what matters
• Celebrate small wins daily to create new core memories and build momentum
• The life you want is closer than you think—it just requires consistent small steps

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Jenn:

Hey everyone, welcome back to the Create your Day podcast. I'm your host, Jen Cody. Thank you so much for being here and welcome to episode 90. Almost at 100. Very excited. How is your year going?

Jenn:

I feel like 2025 kind of took off and now it's almost April and I still am getting used to it being January and February. So I don't know if your year is going the same way that mine is, but if it is, let's just try to hit the brakes for a minute or maybe for 20 or 30 minutes together right now and just come together and be a little present with what we're going to talk about today, because I have a feeling that you're going to resonate with today's topic and I want to be sure that I'm setting you up to really make the changes so that you can kind of break out of this pattern and start living a life that is essentially a little more fulfilling. I mean, to be quite honest, what we're talking about today is why success does not always feel the way that we think it's going to. So I'm going to set the stage for you and kind of get you in the right frame of mind by asking you the following question have you ever worked really hard, like worked your butt off to achieve something, and it can be anything, just some kind of big milestone, even if it's just getting through like a crazy to-do list, or maybe it's a big promotion or whatever it is. Have you ever worked your butt off to achieve something and then, when you get there, you get to the other side of it and you actually achieve it and you feel almost like emptiness, nothing, or maybe even worse than that, you feel really drained and you're not sure what the heck is going on. So it's almost like you've been climbing the mountain, right. You're working so hard to achieve this goal and you're climbing and climbing and every step is grueling. You are putting so much into it because you know at the end the payoff is going to be amazing. And then you finally reach the top and you realize what the hell this view is shit. This is not that great at all. What was I thinking about? This is what I worked so hard for, this. This is it.

Jenn:

So, instead of feeling proud and feeling accomplished, you're just kind of standing there wondering what the heck just happened. And why do you feel so empty? And I'm going to call this the success hangover and exactly that. It's that weird empty feeling that comes after you've gotten what you thought you wanted, you've achieved something that you thought would make you happy. Only you're realizing, oh, that I kind of feel shitty. And if you have felt this way, you are not alone, I promise. I mean, I know that I have felt this way and I work with people all the time that say this to me and actually, as we go forward and kind of move forward with this, you will see how much you can recognize of yourself in this, because we all do the same thing and we don't even realize it.

Jenn:

And one thing I do want to tell you is that, if you have found yourself in this position a lot of times, we not only feel like we don't know what the hell's going on, but we also feel like there's something wrong with us, because we think it means that we're not grateful. Right, have you ever gotten to a point where you're like I've really? I know I should be thankful for where I am, but this is not how I expected it to be, or this is not how I expected to feel? I promise that's not the case. You are not ungrateful, you are not broken, you are not doing anything wrong.

Jenn:

The reason for all of this is because we have been taught to think about success in a way that does not work. So I'm going to break that down for you. Most of us have been conditioned to believe that success happens a certain way, and that way is a very simple model. You set a goal, you decide that there's something you want to work for, you work really hard to achieve it and then you're happy. It seems so simple, except it's actually really really complicated, because what's happening is that we set the goal, we work really really complicated because what's happening is that we set the goal, we work really really hard. Like I said, we're climbing that mountain. We're grueling, step after step after step, we achieve what we're going for and, instead of taking any time to recognize that, we immediately set the next goal.

Jenn:

It's like you accomplish something and instead of feeling celebratory, instead of looking back and reflecting on everything you've just went through, you literally stop at that moment and you just say, oh my God, if I did that, now I can do this. You know this feeling, right? I know you do, because this is the people who are here, the people who listen to this podcast. You guys are all super high achievers, perfectionists, people who are constantly looking to achieve the next thing, to bring more greatness into your life, and, before you know it, this is going to keep you stuck in an endless cycle. You're constantly doing more, achieving more and feeling less, feeling less and less with each achievement. And that's exhausting Because, like I said before, it's not just about the work that we do to achieve the goal.

Jenn:

It's the mental gymnastics that we go through at the end of this process, where we're trying to figure out why we don't feel the way we want it to feel. So there's kind of two things going on that are just exhausting. And it's not your fault, because we've been sold this idea. We've been sold on the idea that if we're not happy it's because we're not doing enough. So what do we do? We double down, we work harder, we take on more and more and more, we sacrifice more and more and more, and we continue to tell ourselves that this time it's going to be different. This is the time it's all going to click. This is the one that's going to change everything. But it never is and it's not going to be, because the problem is not that you're not doing enough. The problem is that you're chasing this version of success that we just talked about and that is not designed to make you happy in the first place. So you're never going to be able to follow that path, that model, and have it end in you feeling good. You're always going to move that goalpost. You're always going to want more and more and more.

Jenn:

So I'm going to give you an example. I'm going to use one of the clients that I work with and protect the innocent. I will change her name. We're going to call her Emily. So Emily is one of those people who, if you were looking at her from your perspective, from the outside, she seems like she has it all together Her own business, beautiful home, perfect family, the whole package. And when I sit down to speak with her, she is completely broken, and one of the things that she says consistently is that she feels like she's living someone else's life. And I know exactly what she means, because Emily basically spent her whole life chasing what she thought should be the next thing. What was the next business her family should create? What was the next thing for her family as far as the house, the cars, all of the things that she thought were going to be the next step, but every time she accomplished one of those things, none of it really felt like hers.

Jenn:

And this is the exact trap that I'm speaking about that so many people fall into. We spend our lives chasing that definition, which is someone else's definition of success, and maybe it's society's definition, maybe it's our parents' definition, maybe it's even your definition from 10 years ago. But now is the time to stop and ask yourself what do I actually want? What do you actually want? So how do we fix it? How do you break out of this success hangover? Because no one likes to stay hungover, let's face it, it sucks. How do you break out of the hangover and start creating a life for yourself that feels really, really good? And I bet you know what I'm going to say. We are going to don't come for me. We're going with a mindset shift, and I know it's like all right, the mindset, the mindset.

Jenn:

But this is not about positive thinking. It's not about manifesting this dream life. This is about getting brutally honest with yourself about what you want and what you don't want. Those two things are really necessary. You don't want. Those two things are really necessary. It's not just about imagining what your life could look like, imagining this like blue sky version of what you want to create for yourself. It's also being brutally honest about what you're not interested in. What are your non-negotiables that you don't want in your life? And this is the first step that we're going to take so that we can start chasing enough and stop chasing more.

Jenn:

I've spoken about this before. Abundance right, it's such a buzzword and people are constantly talking about my word of the year is abundant, and I'm going to live my life in abundance and I'm putting pictures on my mirror that say abundant, abundant, abundant. But when that happens, you are on a treadmill, on a hamster wheel. You're never going to get there. There's no end, and there doesn't have to be necessarily an end when I say that it's more about sufficiency. Can you live a life of sufficiency? What does your life look like when you have everything you need? Just think about that for a second. What does that life look like? Not? How much money is in the bank and is it constantly going to be regenerating? Not, you know the giant house, so that you have a staff working for you.

Jenn:

What does it look like for your life to be enough and I mean enough for you, not enough for your parents, not enough for your family, not enough for Instagram? What is enough for you right now? What does enough money look like? What does enough time look like? And then, what does enough success look like? Because if you don't take the time to define what enough is, you're never going to know when you've reached it. You're just going to keep chasing more and more and more and eventually you are going to burn out. And now that you've done that first step and started to think about what enough looks like, the second step is to stop treating success like it's the result, like it's the destination, because success is not a place you arrive at.

Jenn:

It's a feeling you have. It's when you wake up in the morning and you feel really good about your life, when you can feel good about the life that you're living. That is life. When you can feel good about the life that you're living, that is success. And I guarantee you, right now there is somebody with less money than you, with a worse relationship within you, with a worse job than you, and they wake up and they feel good about the life that they're living because they have learned what success looks like to them. And then there are people who have five times what you have and they wake up on that hamster wheel on the treadmill, constantly chasing more and more and more.

Jenn:

So when you know that your goals align with your values, that's when you're able to say this is my life and I love it. Can you imagine what that feels like to wake up in the morning and say this is my life and I love it? You know, people look at me and I don't think anybody looks at me and says, wow, I wish I could go through what she went through. You know, it wasn't exactly the greatest past decade of my life, but I can tell you right now, even with my current circumstances right, which are not perfect, I am able to wake up and say this is my life and I love it because I took the time to take these steps and define what was enough for me, what is enough for me and how can I treat success the way it's meant to be treated, how can I recognize it as a feeling and not look at it as this mythical destination that I don't know if I'm ever going to get?

Jenn:

And then the last step that I started to do was to celebrate the small wins, and this sounds really simple, but it's actually really difficult because we've been taught to celebrate big stuff right, when you get a promotion, when you hit that milestone, when you finish the to-do list. You've been taught to celebrate that. But the small wins are what actually make up your life. What's that quote? I can't remember it right now, but it basically says something about like all of the oh don't forget the little moments, because when you look back on your life, those are going to be the moments that count, and that is so true. Those small wins are what make up the essence of our lives, and maybe that means you know the moment you finally set a boundary and you decide to stick to it. Maybe it's the day that you say no to something that doesn't feel good to you. Maybe it's the time that you choose to rest instead of hustling like a psychopath. Those are the moments that really matter. Those are the moments that are going to help you build the life that you do love.

Jenn:

So if you can pay attention to those little moments and those little wins and celebrate them Because when you celebrate them, that's when you get to create new core memories You're focusing on these emotionally charged experiences. You're being present in the moment, you're engaging fully with what you've created, these small wins, and that really helps to evoke strong positive emotions, and that's how you build the life you love. And knowing what we want in our life so that we love it is one thing, but how do we figure out how to actually make it happen? And how to make it happen without throwing our whole life into complete chaos, because that is a whole other story. So I want to be really practical and walk you through how to take the mindset shift that we're talking about and implement it, because if it's not actionable, honestly, it's just a nice idea that sits in the back of your mind while you're doing the same old shit and nothing ever changes.

Jenn:

So let's change. Okay, we're going to start small. The first thing I want you to do is forget about overhauling your whole life, because I know so many of you contact me after listening to these podcasts and you're like I just want to burn it all to the ground and start over. And that's a great idea in theory, but we don't really want to do that with our life. We don't want to burn it all down all at once. So you don't need to quit your job. You don't need to move to some cabin in the woods, you don't have to burn your to-do list in some dramatic bonfire sacrificial thing.

Jenn:

We want to make sustainable changes, so those cannot be big changes. Big changes are overwhelming and they're not sustainable. So we want small, intentional shifts that we can actually keep going with. So if you've realized, while we're chatting, that your current definition of success is all about hustle, all about sacrifice it was just a few weeks ago we talked about success without sacrifice. So if you have found that that's resonating with you, I want you to start by carving out a few minutes a day for something that feels good for you. Right, it could be reading a book, going for a walk, sitting in silence, petting your dog, taking a nap anything that feels good to you. The point is to start creating space for the life that you actually want, one step at a time. And the reason I say a few minutes is because if you go home today I don't know why I said go home maybe you're home right now, but if you decide today, I'm going to put in my calendar that I'm going to work out for an hour a day, or I'm going to read a book for an hour every night. That's not sustainable. If it was, you would be doing it already. So we want to start small, with things that feel achievable. So a few minutes, definitely achievable. Next, we want to look about where your time is going. We spoke about this a little bit, also on the success without sacrifice episode.

Jenn:

When you're feeling overwhelmed, there's a good chance that you're spending a lot of time and energy on things that are not important to you At the end of the day. That's the easiest way to say it. So, for the next few days, start to keep a list of everything you're spending your time on. You've done this before. Be brutally honest and then go through that list. Ask yourself what moves me closer to the life I want and what is just draining my energy. You can categorize the lists into one of three buckets what are you keeping? What are you delegating? What are you eliminating? So there's another exercise that I've done on my retreat. So if you've been on any of my retreats, you know that we've done the stop, start, continue exercise. This is very similar to that. What are you going to stop doing in your life? What are you going to start doing in your life and what are you going to continue doing? So, keep and eliminate would be the continue and stop Delegating is the things that have to get done. You want to give to someone else, but by all means consider making a start column. Also, what are the things you want to start doing? Like spending a few minutes each day doing something that you love? This exercise is a game changer because it actually helps you to see in black and white where your time and energy are going and where you can start making the changes. Writing it down is crucial because you want to see in black and white, exactly like I said.

Jenn:

Okay, then we're going to talk about boundaries, which we talk about all the time. If you're going to reclaim your time, you have to get comfortable saying no. I know it's easier said than done, but every time you say yes to something, you are saying no to something else. You know that right. Every time you say yes to something that doesn't feel good to you, you're saying no to something that does feel good to you because you could be spending that time doing whatever's on your list of things you love reading your book, going for a walk, taking a nap. If you're not doing those things, because you said yes to something that you really don't want to do. You're building up resentment.

Jenn:

So let's talk about a simple way. For those of you who are new to setting boundaries, I want you to create a non-negotiables list, and this is a list of all the things that are most important to you your values, your priorities, the things that make you feel alive. Once you have that list, use it for a filter. Every new request you get, every opportunity, put it through this filter. Does it line up with it? Great, does it not? No, the answer is no. Period, and if it feels uncomfortable to say no, try this Instead of saying no, offer an alternative.

Jenn:

So if somebody asks you to do something, you can say I can't take that on right now, but I'd be happy to revisit it next month. Or I'm not really the best person for this, let me see if I know someone who can help you, or I'm not really the best person for this, let me see if I know someone who can help you. So it doesn't have to be an out and out. No, because, honestly, boundaries don't have to be harsh, they just have to be clear. To be unclear is to be unkind, so make sure you're always being clear.

Jenn:

And then let's circle back to celebrating our small wins, because celebrating our progress it really does make a big difference, and this is where I want you to start creating those new core memories. The last thing I want is for you to get really good at checking things off your to-do list and really bad at acknowledging what you've actually accomplished. So setting the wins is really really important. Honestly, it's one of the best ways to build momentum and stay motivated. So what you can do is start a journal for this, a wins journal, and at the end of each day, write down one thing that you're proud of. Doesn't have to be big, it could be I took the garbage out. It could be I did the dishes before I went to bed tonight, and normally I leave them, or it could be you know, I spent some extra time with my son, my daughter, my partner, my mother, anybody, anything that feels good to you. Just write it down One thing a day Out of a whole 24 hours in a day. I'm sure you can find one thing, and maybe it's something that really makes a difference, like I said no to something that didn't align with my values, or I took 10 minutes to rest when I really needed it.

Jenn:

Over time, this practice is going to help you build your self-trust, build your self-confidence, and the more you acknowledge your progress, the more you're going to believe in your ability to actually create this life that you want. So I think it's pretty easy, right? I mean, I guess maybe it's not easy, it's simple. We have four simple steps. They may not be easy, but as you get used to it they will become easier. That I can promise you. So four simple steps. We're going to start small year that I can promise you. So four simple steps. We're going to start small. We're going to audit our time and our energy, set boundaries that stick and celebrate the small wins Because, remember, this is not about overhauling your life.

Jenn:

This is not about quitting everything and setting fire and burning it all to the ground and starting from scratch. It's about making small, intentional change that adds up over time. And guess what? You don't have to get it perfect, you just have to get it started. So I know that sometimes there's resistance that comes up when we do these things, and it's pushback from others, it's doubt within ourselves, that little voice in your head saying who the hell are you, who do you think you are, but that's okay. We are always coming back here to address those things. Right, I got you. I'm here with you on your journey. We're taking it one small step at a time, just one. So carve out those few minutes, do a little bit of a time audit, say no to something that doesn't feel good to you and just start, because I promise you this, the life that you want is closer than you think. I really do promise that to you.

Jenn:

So thank you so much for tuning in to this week's episode of the Create your Day podcast. If this episode resonated with you, I would love if you would share it with a friend. That is such an important part of how we reach more people on the podcast. All you have to do is hit share button on your whatever you know your software that you listen to the podcast, share it with someone via text message, and I would also love it if you would subscribe and leave us a review. These reviews are a huge help, so thank you so much to each and every one of you that has done it. If you haven't done it already, leave a review, take a screenshot of it, send it to me at jenn J-E-N-N at jenncodycom, and I will send you a free gift in the mail. You've got this, and if anybody needs to remind you along the way, it's me. I've got you. Thank you so much again. Until I speak with you next week, take care of yourselves, take care of each other and have a great week.