Birthday Traditions: Cake, Reflection, and New Adventures

In this episode of Chris and Jen in the Morning, the hosts explore the multifaceted experience of birthdays, moving from lighthearted traditions to deep personal reflections. Jen celebrates her 42nd birthday by discussing the importance of being present and the effort required to view aging as a series of earned experiences rather than a countdown of finite time. The conversation covers everything from the anxiety of trying new things like "hot pot" to the social pressures of comparing one's milestones to those of peers. Ultimately, the episode serves as a reminder to practice gratitude and find joy in the small adventures of life.

Three Pivotal Points:

• The Shift in Perspective on Aging: Jen reflects on how her view of birthdays has evolved from a "mid-life crisis" at age 27 to a place of gratitude at 42, emphasizing that every year is earned through lived experience.
• Overcoming Milestone Pressure: Chris and Jen discuss the "measuring stick" of adulthood, addressing the common anxiety of comparing personal accomplishments—like marriage or career status—to those of peers during milestone years.
• The Role of Gratitude and Tradition: The hosts highlight how grounding oneself in gratitude and maintaining personal traditions (like the "birthday tree" or the necessity of cake) can transform a birthday from a source of dread into a celebration of community.

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Chapters

00:00 Birthday Celebrations and Musical Moments

01:10 Celebrating Birthdays: A Special Episode

10:19 Reflections on Birthdays and Milestones

19:52 Creating Meaningful Birthday Traditions

27:49 Navigating Birthday Pressures and Expectations

39:13 Cultural Perspectives on Birthday Celebrations

41:17 Exploring Global Birthday Traditions

45:39 The Concept of Giving on Birthdays

47:25 Celebrating Mothers on Birthdays

48:16 The Value of Birthdays in Modern Society

54:19 Surprise Parties: Joy or Stress?

56:17 Final Thoughts on Celebrating Birthdays

58:27 Outro

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

We often measure our lives by the ticking of a clock or the turning of a calendar page. But what does it really mean to mark another year? Is a birthday just a milestone of age? Or is it an opportunity to reclaim our joy and reflect on the person we are becoming?

SPEAKER_04 0:22

I do think birthdays are really important because I think you have to sometimes work at uh seeing the positive side of things versus feeling like you're running out of time. Um, but that also is like very typical Jen. That's so Jen. Um on today's segment of That's So Jen, uh, when she starts a two-week vacation and starts, you know, thinking about how sad she's gonna be in two weeks when the vacation's over.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Yeah. Let's not do that.

SPEAKER_04 0:57

Um, that's so Jen.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Today, Chris and Jen step away from the pressure of expectations and dive into the heart of the celebration. From the simple joy of a birthday cake to the profound gratitude for just being alive. Whether you are dreading the next number or embracing the adventure of a new decade, it is time to rethink how we honor our own journeys. Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_02 1:29

Welcome to Chris and Jen in the morning, where self-care meets real life. I'm Chris.

SPEAKER_04 1:35

And I'm Jen.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

You're not just Jen today, you're birthday girl Jen.

SPEAKER_04 1:40

Birthday girl Jen today. What was?

SPEAKER_02 1:44

Happy birthday.

SPEAKER_04 1:46

Hey, it's my birthday. I love this color. Reduce, recycle, reuse people. We just got through Earth Day.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

That's right. And and we practice what we preach. Or share. Uh, we don't really preach.

SPEAKER_04 2:01

So this was purchased for today.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

Gosh, it's so that's the biggest balloon I've ever seen.

SPEAKER_04 2:09

Is it?

SPEAKER_02 2:10

No. Well, in all seriousness, today is a special episode because it is the actual day of birth of Jen. And we're recording, and she wanted to still record on her birthday. So thank you for like keeping us on schedule and not making me change my schedule.

SPEAKER_04 2:34

On schedule in this 42nd year of my life, I have been on time to podcast recording 100% of the time. I mean, it's a true fact.

SPEAKER_02 2:52

You want me, are we gonna fact check that or does it?

SPEAKER_04 2:55

I was in for I just turned 42.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

Oh. Got it. Okay. Yes, in that case, since you're 42nd rotation, um you yes. Yes. Yeah 100% of the time.

SPEAKER_04 3:10

100% of the time.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Early today, even.

SPEAKER_04 3:13

I know. Does that give me credit? Does it like even out or no?

SPEAKER_02 3:18

Do you Well, technically it restarted, so we'll have to see.

SPEAKER_04 3:22

No, I mean like if I was early, do I get to count that towards n so that it all is just like an average? So that if I'm like three minutes late and I was three minutes early, it just averages out, or is that so then that makes you on time for those two episodes? That's what I was wondering.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

But then if we get to the third episode and you're three minutes late again, then you're on average like, you know, negative one minute.

SPEAKER_04 3:51

Uh-huh. I was just wondering.

SPEAKER_02 3:55

Who's keeping count anyways? I'm certainly not. That's my gift to you. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 4:02

I'm driving a bargain. I'm driving a bargain. I'm driving a bargain here.

SPEAKER_02 4:08

Well, not only are you you driving a bargain here, you are also helping build a community.

SPEAKER_04 4:12

Yeah, that's right. We are building a community, and we would love for you to follow, subscribe, like, um, comment, share, uh, be a part of the conversation. We decided to go on this um adventure in searching for continuous happiness through life and to bring all of you with us along the way because we feel like, you know, we only get so much time here on earth and we might as well enjoy the most of it that we can. So that's what this podcast is all about. It's what this conversation is all about. And um, Chris and I could just have these phone calls on our own, but we figured why not like widen it up a little bit and invite all of you to be a part of it. So definitely join, subscribe, like, become a part of the community because we would love to have you join in on the conversation.

SPEAKER_02 5:10

Right. And if you are new here, we start all of our episodes with gratitude moments because gratitude helps ground us in um the things that are actually around us that we can be grateful for. And it kind of helps reset the mind. And so we like to start our episodes with gratitude moments. You want to kick us off?

SPEAKER_04 5:29

Uh, you go ahead. You kick us off. Oh last.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

Um, so I am grateful this week for to live in a city where we have bikes available, like for easy access to rent. I um have been trying to be more active, so going into the office five days a week. Um, and I decided this week to try biking to the office. And I've never done that before. It was the first time, and just at the end of our block is City Bike, and I was able to rent a bike. It's an e-bike, so like it has some um assistance with it. You still have to pedal to like do the retention, all the things, but it's like not just a regular bike where it's all on you, which if that were the case, I would have gotten like to this next stop from my original, my usual stop, and then pulled over and just wouldn't got this uplay, let's be clear. Because I got halfway across the bridge, the the uh bridge from Queens into Manhattan, and uh I was like, what have I done? And luckily we started going downhill at that point. I was like, okay, I can do this, I can get my second wind.

SPEAKER_04 6:41

I can do this. Uh and I'm just impressed that you didn't fall over. Like I it's been so long I've been on a bike. I'm like, I don't know if humans are supposed to be like balancing on such skinny dryers. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_02 6:54

Yeah, it uh it it definitely um gave lots of challenges and you know things that I've never had to really figure out before, like where are bike stations over near my office? I don't know. So I got over there uh the first day that I rode and realized, oh, I don't know where I need to park this thing. So I had to pull over and look it up.

unknown 7:16

That's funny.

SPEAKER_02 7:17

That's funny. But it was fun. It was a good exercise and you know it's um, you know, helping me get towards this movement that I am looking um to make sure my body stays in motion because as you get older, that's very important.

SPEAKER_04 7:31

Uh it is. It is important. We take for granted, uh, we take for granted all those things we don't have to think about when we're in our teens and twenties.

SPEAKER_02 7:41

Yeah, I'm still in those. Well, you're you just turned 25. I don't know what this 42 is that you speak of.

SPEAKER_04 7:51

I mean, I don't know that I would look good for 25. I'm gonna go ahead and keep the 42. I feel like I have earned those years.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

Every single one of those years.

SPEAKER_04 8:06

I've earned them. Um, well, I love that. I love that you're getting uh to experience the city on a regular basis and going out adventuring. I love that. Um I today, thinking about today being my birthday, there are a couple of things that I'm really grateful for. I was doing my reflection time this morning, and I was, it just kind of floated into my head that like I'm just really grateful to be alive. And I do think that we take that for granted sometimes, um, most of the time. I mean, you can't think about that all of the time, right? But um, but I just was thinking, I'm really grateful to be alive. Like life is a beautiful thing, and there's so much around us that we can choose to like participate in and enjoy. And it's can be terrifying and thrilling and you know, um heart-wrenching and beautiful all at the same time. And I don't know, maybe I was thinking about that um subconsciously after, you know, reading the book that you recommended, Atmosphere, which was um I loved, but also am like very frustrated at um because it was a journey. It was so well written. Um characters, love that it's like historical fiction, uh about you know, women in um the astronaut program in the 80s, um the LGBTQ uh uh visibility and representation was amazing. But um, you know, the author really took me on a journey. So awesome.

SPEAKER_02 9:53

She sure does.

SPEAKER_04 9:54

Um, you know it's good because you get hooked, but I'm like sobbing um through through through reading it. So um so, anyways, um you know, maybe it was some of that that I was thinking about. Um but I would say I just am really grateful to get to experience life and to get to do that with the many people that I am surrounded by and um who, you know, I'm just feel unworthy to be um a part of their lives. And I've um not always the best at being on top of like responding to messages or you know, staying connected all of the time. But um, there are so many people who I care so deeply for um that I just am so incredibly grateful to get to have in my life. And so um I just today of all days reflect upon that.

SPEAKER_02 10:58

Well, I so appreciate that. I know that I count myself lucky, blessed, fortunate, whatever you want to say to have you in my life um and to be on this journey with you. Like it's been a wild and wacky year and a half, and um, I'm looking forward to some more fun and exciting adventures.

SPEAKER_04 11:16

Yes, I am as well. So um let's dig into our topic today. We want to talk about birthdays.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

Yeah, like as we were kind of approaching this, it was like, well, what can like what is a good thing that we can talk about on a birthday? And it's like, why don't we talk about birthdays?

SPEAKER_03 11:35

Let's do it.

SPEAKER_02 11:36

Seems a little obvious, I think, but yeah, you know, we don't always go for the most um apparent thing.

SPEAKER_04 11:44

But we want to talk about birthdays um and how we think about them, um, how different cultures consider them. We want to talk a little bit about um, you know, some of the things that we can tend to reflect on during uh the the birthday time of year. So um, Chris, why don't you kick us off?

SPEAKER_02 12:09

Yeah, so I think the first thing like when I think about birthdays is this idea around are you someone who is looking forward to celebrating this? Like you're seeing this as a milestone. You're seeing it as something to celebrate, or is it does it bring like feelings of dread and um like something you're not looking forward to?

SPEAKER_04 12:30

Yeah, I mean, I think I've been across the spectrum. Um, I do think birthdays are really important, but the reason I think birthdays are really important is because I think you have to sometimes work at uh seeing the positive side of things versus feeling like you're running out of time. Um, but that also is like very typical Jen. That's so Jen. Um on today's segment of that's so gen. Uh when she starts a two-week vacation and starts, you know, thinking about how sad she's gonna be in two weeks when vacation's over.

SPEAKER_01 13:08

Yeah. Let's not do that.

SPEAKER_04 13:11

Um, that's so gen. So um, so I would say that it it takes effort. I also think, you know, uh when we're um in the early part of life, it's a lot easier for us to um, you know, feel like, you know, time is unlimited. You have so much of it, you know, even though we never know um how much we have, but then as you continue to gain experience in life, you um become more and more aware that time is finite. And so I do think it takes effort. I would say um when I turned 27 years old, I started freaking out that you know I was almost to my 30s and oh my gosh, I was just like getting so much older and I was running out of time. I mean, I hit all the hallmarks in life early. And so not a surprise that I was like having my midlife crisis moment at 27. But I would kind of like to go back and grab that 27-year-old woman by the shoulders and just shake her a little bit and say, pull yourself together, Jen. Um, because what I would give to be 27 again. Yeah. Except that not really, because I would not have the benefit of all of the experience that I have lived. Yeah. Um, in the last, you know, I've grown so much, I'm in a better place in life. And so um, I would say, you know, I think we should celebrate every moment that we get to, you know, mark our anniversary of of making it around the world one more time growing, becoming um, you know, hopefully closer to a version of who we want to be. Yeah. And if we feel like we're not, you know, on that path, it's another one of those good milestones through the year, just like New Year's, to think about what is it that I want for this year.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

Yeah. I think when I when I think about birthdays, I'm kind of like brought back to like childhood where it's like that moment for celebration and and excitement because like there's so many different things, right? Like as you're younger and you're growing older, you're learning to walk, you're learning to talk, you're learning to ride a bike, you're learning to um, you know, you're growing up and going through school. Like there's a lot of like milestones I think attached to birthdays that are like significant and you you put a lot of emphasis there and it's exciting and it's celebratory. And I think as as we get older, those things kind of fall away because the measuring stick kind of starts to change. And then we begin to feel like, oh, am I am I measuring up? Am I meeting those expectations? Um, and I think for me, I it I think it was around like my 25th birthday. I was like, I kind of had like this, what have I done? What have I accomplished? What's going on?

SPEAKER_04 16:18

You you got there early too.

SPEAKER_02 16:20

Yeah. And I just, but I think for me, I I think at that point I hadn't gotten my my um my degree yet. So I was like to me, I was like looking at my peers and seeing at that point, many of them had been married. Some of them had already started families, and I'm just like, what am I doing? Like, where have I gone awry? Um and and again, like I think just like you said, it's these journeys that we've gone on that have brought us to be these people who we are today. And so as much as like we would like to go back and you know, grab those shoulders, it I think is also like to look back and be able to say, this is where I've gotten to this point. I will say I am a a celebrate birthdays person. I am better at celebrating others than I am my own. Um, because I I I just think it's easier to like, oh, I want to make people happy. I want to buy them a little something, I want to, you know, bring them some joy, um, whether it's just through like a message, a card, a gift, like whatever it may be. Um, and so but uh as I was thinking about this topic, I'm like, how do I make sure that I'm creating that space to reflect for myself when it comes around to my birthday? And am I welcoming that and and thankful to people who do take the time to to celebrate with me?

SPEAKER_04 17:38

Yeah. I um I I would say that I sometimes struggle just with the time issue and like keeping track of people's birthdays because there are so many people who I care about. And like it just time seems to move along at a pace that is different than my brain moves it at. So I do truly care. I am grateful. Um and if I ever miss a message, it's not because I don't care, but uh, I do have to be like I look for the things, the tools in life that can help me be a little more on top of that. Um but uh like one of the questions that you had posed is are there certain things required for it to feel like a birthday? And um I would say, you know, I don't know if there are things required for it to feel like a birthday, but there are things that traditions I really look forward to.

SPEAKER_05 18:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 18:44

Um I think though, like most importantly, you got I'm it's a birthday cake.

SPEAKER_02 18:50

Gotta have the cake. Or some type of dessert, whatever your your preferred dessert is.

SPEAKER_04 18:55

No, it's a cake. Cake is cake is it's the cake. It's cake is my preferred dessert. I mean, I carry a fork just in case a cake. A la Joey. So um always be ready. Always be ready. Um so I think that's a a fun tradition um that I that I enjoy. I think um, you know, I talked about the birthday tree, and I really do like that we do that here in this house. Um, I think that's a fun tradition. I think um, you know, one of the things that I was thinking about this year, we're gonna go do hot pot. And I've never done hot pot before. And then, you know, me and my anxiety, I like looked at the menu and there's all these things on it that I wouldn't eat, but you don't have to eat all those things. And then I was like, oh, this is a new experience. I don't know how I'm gonna do it's raw meat, you know, that you're cooking, and so I don't know how I'm gonna feel about that, but it's sliced really thin, so it should be easy to cook. It's not like, you know, um, other fun, you know, American style fondue where it's like chunks of chicken, it's like, you know, thinly sliced, and so you can easily see that you're cooking it. But I almost chickened out yesterday. Um, and then I was like, you know what? Like I'm celebrating my birthday, another revolution around, you know, the sun. And um, and so what like why would why wouldn't I do something that I haven't done before?

SPEAKER_02 20:30

Yeah, push yourself out of the comfort zone a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 20:33

Yeah, I mean, like I'm I'm gonna be just fine.

SPEAKER_02 20:37

You will be. I promise. You're gonna be fine.

SPEAKER_04 20:41

Like low stakes. You're low stakes. Um, so I think um, I think that's a good kind of thing to lean into is think about something that you an adventure you've wanted to to have, even a small one, and um and push yourself to do that.

SPEAKER_02 20:58

Yeah, I even think for um, like Frank and I, as we've gotten more into our relationship, we've been more about experiences for one another for you know, birthdays, um, holidays, anniversaries, things like that. And I really like it because it creates like those opportunities for connection and to like create that memory with one another. Yeah. Um, and so it's always like fun to see like, oh, what what adventure can we go on for this special day?

SPEAKER_04 21:26

Yeah. I mean, I think it's sometimes hard because you um like sometimes set the bar like really high and then you feel like you have to outdo yourself. Um and it but it can be in the small little adventures, um, which I think is is also really fun. We um got a membership to the Fort Worth Botanical Garden last weekend and went. Um, of course it was like the weather would have been better yesterday for it, maybe, than l last Saturday. But um it was it was uh be beautifully sunny. It was just really hot. Um but we you know like getting to have those adventures, I think is fun. And it was, you know, cheap and easy to do, and we can, you know, go throughout the year. And um, you know, so that was like a fun way to celebrate sort of my birthday time of year. Um, and so one of the questions that you asked is do you celebrate the day, the week, the month? Um, like being a person where time is sort of fluid. Um, I'm a birthday month kind of person.

SPEAKER_02 22:42

Yes, I forgot who I was asking that question to. But I do. I have people who are like, oh, it's my birthday week, it's my birthday month, it's my and I I will say like growing up, it was more like my aunt and I were um uh her birthday is the week before mine, so we would always celebrate together. Um, and I love that because like that just became a tradition for us, and I I look at that with fond memories. Yeah, but I do think um like it extended the the birthday a little bit because we would celebrate hers and then we would celebrate mine, and then we would usually do something together. So it's something a little um like longer. I guess for me, like birthdays kind of last through like the last few people who want to like do something with you to celebrate your birthday. But I do have friends who are like, no, it's my birthday month. Like, there's any like things that we are doing for this month are going to be around me and my birthday.

SPEAKER_04 23:38

Okay. Well, I mean, I'm not trying to be like, this is my month and y'all can't have it because um I I know I have other friends who have birthdays in the same month as me. But um, you know, I will drag it out to say, oh, like, you know, yeah, it's my birthday month. Let's celebrate.

SPEAKER_02 23:59

Oh, we just got a yummy cocktail. Let's cheers to my birthday.

SPEAKER_04 24:04

I mean, but I'll do it for other people too.

SPEAKER_02 24:06

Yeah, no, I I agree.

SPEAKER_04 24:08

It's just that I don't always remember their so they have to champion it. Like, this is why I tell people my birthday is coming. Um, like I think it's a politeness to remind, like to tell people, because otherwise, how would they know?

SPEAKER_02 24:20

Well, that's so interesting that you say that because I do think like there is um, you know, uh having worked and interacted with many of people like who ha who are on all sides of the spectrum of this, like I agree. I think if you want like something known or noticed or whatever, like say something. Like you can't you can't trust that everybody knows everything.

SPEAKER_04 24:43

Like, I don't know, but I'm also I'm also not like uh family should remember, right?

SPEAKER_02 24:49

Like family should.

SPEAKER_04 24:50

I shouldn't, I shouldn't have to remind family. I shouldn't have to be reminded of my husband's birthday. That's a thing I should just know. Um, and he's so good at, you know, celebrating and birthdays and marking special occasions. And, you know, for me, it's like, oh my gosh, the pressure to live up to that and do justice. Um But yeah, no, I think I think as someone who is not always on top of time and calendars and all of the things, like yeah, yeah. It's a politeness to to but other people see it as like, you think you're really that important that I care when your birthday is? And well, I don't care, I care.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

You don't have to care. I just want you to know that it's something that's on my mind.

unknown 25:35

Right.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

Yeah, I do think that um uh as we think about birthdays, like I said, I think you know, there's growing up, you have a certain perspective of birthdays, and then as you begin to get older and and those perspectives start to change a little bit, I do think there are certain pressures that get added to it, and I think some of that is social pressure, like around again, like kind of how like I was doing, like comparing myself to my peers and where are they in their lives and you know, have I lived up to that? But I also think it's like the the level of like, should I be doing something? Should I be hosting something? This is a milestone birthday. Am I like, am I allowed to ask for a certain thing? So I do feel like birthdays can kind of become a little bit of uh pressure, like unnecessary pressure.

SPEAKER_04 26:24

Well, and I do think it depends on where you are in life. Like, there have been times where I have wanted to celebrate big, and then there have been times where I'm like, look, I don't have the capacity for all of this, and I just want to do like a small little something. Like I'd like to mark the moment, but keep it small because I just don't know that I have the emotional capacity to manage, you know, the big thing, yeah. Which I think has more to do with like, I've been told I'm an extrovert my whole life, and uh I actually think that's true. Um, and so sometimes you just are like, I need to, you know, take a break from all of that because it's it's a lot of anxiety driving. Um and it's my birthday. And so it's not that I don't want to celebrate with people, it's that like that's for everybody else. It's not for me. Um, and they may not even want that. They're showing up for me. So like what really brings you joy?

SPEAKER_02 27:30

Yeah, that's a good point, like considering what the person wants. And I guess like it's your birthday, so you should get what you want. So if it's not a party, then it shouldn't be a big party.

SPEAKER_04 27:41

Yeah, except for on your birthday, I was like, I'm showing up. I don't know if you want it or not. Um that was a great surprise. It's what I want. So happy birthday to you.

SPEAKER_02 27:51

You know that I always love having you around. So it was after coming back from the liquor store and then turning around and you're in my kitchen. I'm like, well.

SPEAKER_04 28:00

That was fun. That was fun. That was lovely. That was a fun, that was fun. I um I think for me, birthdays like they are just one of those. I know I said this, but they're like a milestone marker moment, an opportunity to use intention to just find gratitude, to um pause and reflect, to say, here's what I want, to help recharge yourself, to find a reason to anchor yourself in celebrating uh the things about life that we have to celebrate. Because I think if we don't take those opportunities when they present themselves, it can be easy for life to feel like a grind. Um, and we need to give back to ourselves. And so I honestly think that celebrating your birthday in the way that brings you joy is a part of self-care. Um, but I will say that for me, sometimes that means pushing myself outside my comfort zone because I'm, you know, conflicted with like sometimes I want to go do a new experience, but then I like sort of psych myself out and get stressed about things that are new and not knowing what to expect. And, you know, and then I'm like, Jen, it's just hot pot. You're gonna be fine.

SPEAKER_02 29:14

Yeah, but I do think like there's a difference there between like it's not the day that's causing the anxiety, it's the new experience.

SPEAKER_04 29:22

Yeah. It's like I want to go to festivals and then there's so many people, and you know, I'm like, wait, there's not a festival of 10 people. Then I guess then I end up not going, but then I miss out on the experience and I feel sad about that. Um, you know, and so um I think you know, it's a balance for me in my own personal journey of pushing myself to get new experiences. Um, you know, put adventure gen mode on.

SPEAKER_02 29:53

Yeah, it's so true. And I think um I was looking into a little bit around like why um, you know, why is there so much like pressure around this? Like it's your birthday, but like otherwise it's an ordinary day. Like, why is it that we feel so much like pressure, anxiety? Um, like either we feel like we should be doing something or we don't want to be doing anything. Like, what is it around this, this day, if you will? Um, and interestingly enough, it's like it kind of goes back to we talked about this in our New Year's episode. It's this like the fresh start effect. Like in our minds, we're starting this milestone. It's a new year. If it's a milestone birthday, it's you know, a new decade or whatever it may be. And it starts to trigger these like reflections of like, well, what have we accomplished? What do I still want to accomplish? And I think it gets us into our feelings.

SPEAKER_04 30:47

I think every birthday is a milestone birthday. Let me just people are like, I don't know, is it a milestone? Every birthday is a milestone. It's a milestone, it's your annual anniversary of being alive. Like, come on.

SPEAKER_02 30:59

Um, that's why that's why it's a birthday anniversary balloon.

SPEAKER_04 31:06

Right. Yes. Um, I think that um like I am 42 today, and the 42 happens to be the answer to the life, the universe, and everything.

SPEAKER_05 31:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:20

If you are a hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy fan, you will get the reference. I have my towel. Um and I think that um you there are also 42 gallons in a barrel of oil, just in case you were curious about that.

SPEAKER_02 31:35

Um 42 the answer to a lot of things.

SPEAKER_04 31:39

But what I love about that book is um, you know, this idea that it's not about the answer, it's about the question. Um, so you need to be searching for the the right question. And so I choose that this year, the year of 42, is a magical year. It is a milestone year. It is a year for me to be thinking about what are the questions that I should be asking, um, not what are the answers that I should be seeking. And um I just really feel like every year is a milestone.

SPEAKER_02 32:14

Yeah, I do think like whenever you look at your life, and I think we've talked about this before where something about like the days, the weeks, the months, the years, and I did the calculation of like how like on average how long a man lives or something like that. And the years, I was like, Oh, I still got plenty of years, months, still got plenty of months. But all of a sudden, whenever I got to the weeks, I was like, uh that doesn't seem like a lot of weeks.

SPEAKER_04 32:41

Like course you calculated how long a man lives. Typical, typical.

SPEAKER_02 32:47

Well, I think I actually was reading an article that already did the math for me, so it wasn't so much like I had to pull out the calculator.

SPEAKER_04 32:53

Of course, the article talked about how long a man lived.

SPEAKER_02 32:56

Typical did a woman as well, but I didn't that wasn't impactful for me.

SPEAKER_04 33:01

Typical. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_02 33:05

We're moving on.

SPEAKER_04 33:07

Um, I do, I'm just kidding. I it's it is time is finite, and I think that um the more of it we have under our belt, the more we we you know realize that. And like we've talked about in past episodes, my goal is to be able to embrace that fully a little more fully before I get closer to the end.

SPEAKER_02 33:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:31

Um, so that I don't have to like be afraid of it.

SPEAKER_02 33:35

So exactly. And I think that's like one of the things that we have to figure out how to in our minds like stay in that place of presence, but also like this this area of celebration. So like acknowledging what we've learned, the things that we've accomplished, because when we stay in that area, and this is like where some of the excitement from birthdays comes around, like you get uh that reward center in your brain gets activated, and so you get hit with all those good feeling hormones, the dopamine, and so you feel good and you want to celebrate and you want to do those things.

SPEAKER_04 34:11

I think it's important to do things to celebrate, particularly if you're in the team dread camp, because then you are balancing out and giving yourself some of those dopamine hits that help to balance out the, you know, oh, I'm feeling like I'm running out of time. And you like that's a part of self-care. It's like it's not just about like doing the things, the activities, it's about being able to understand where your head is at and when you need to do something for yourself to pull yourself back into balance.

SPEAKER_03 34:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:46

Um, and you know, to be able to be proactive and kind of plan for that. I think you know, that's brilliant that we have these traditions around birthdays because they can be a time that you start to reflect and feel like, oh no, am I gonna run out of time? And um and you know, if that's the case, then you should do something that brings you joy to celebrate. So you also get that dopamine.

SPEAKER_02 35:11

Right. Well, and to like traditions or the things that you do, like those are usually used as anchor points so that you which is good, especially if like you're in this place of um, maybe if you're more on the teen dread side of birthdays, like focus on on the traditions and why you do them because those actually can spark joy and excitement, just like around holiday times. Like you have these things and there's like sentiment attached to them. And so if you are having a hard time getting out of that dread, maybe focus more on the well, what like let's have a birthday dinner. Why are we doing this? Like make it smaller things versus like trying to like see it all. Um, because that can be overwhelming if you're having a hard time.

SPEAKER_04 35:58

Now, I would say if you are setting all of these expectations for this experience that you want to have, you might also be setting yourself up to fail because sometimes, particularly on milestone birthdays, um, although I've said every birthday is a milestone, what people would traditionally call a milestone birthday.

SPEAKER_02 36:20

The fives and the zeros.

SPEAKER_04 36:22

There are these um like times where I think people can expect to be celebrated differently, or can expect to have an experience that's different, or even can subconsciously expect themselves to feel different, or they expect that they have reached a different point in life, and so they're trying to ignore that by going big on celebration. And then, like, I have seen these situations happen where this expectation is really high or ambiguous and unarticulated, and then anxiety starts to set in, and then like feelings start to get involved, and then like tension um comes in, and then it like oftentimes I think it shows up as you know, people saying, Oh, that person is just like so self-involved. Like they just everything has to be about them for their birthday. And oftentimes I think it's more like masking of you know, whatever's going on inside that's making that person feel like they need to have a certain experience because they're trying to ignore, you know, maybe how they're feeling about that birthday or where they are in life and where they expected to be by hitting that milestone. Um, so I would just say like maybe if you find yourself getting annoyed in those situations, um maybe consider uh what that person might be going through that they might not even realize. Yeah. Um, if they're a good friend, it might be time for some gentle compassion. Um and and I also think if that feels relevant to you, think about like how you can be kind to yourself and like realize you've set some expectations that might be a little unrealistic and um go find some fun, low expectation things to do that can pull you into a different headspace.

SPEAKER_02 38:20

Yeah, absolutely. And I think something interesting, an article that I came across as I was preparing for this conversation was around this idea around social identity and and birthdays. And so now that, you know, the uh medical science has evolved and people can kind of like figure out like, oh, what what around what birth date would I like someone, my child to be born, um, or getting to choose like an an induction date or whatever. Like there's a lot of things that go around now, birthdays and social identities. Um exactly. And so now it's like there's the the social pressures are even higher, um, which is kind of unfortunate, I think, because I I like I said, I like celebrating people. So whether it's your birthday, a promotion, uh, you know, you've uh you've achieved something that you've been working towards, like I'm excited to hear about it and I want to celebrate you.

SPEAKER_04 39:22

Well, and I think it's okay to give yourself a do-over. Like some days you just wake up and have a bad day. You know, Alexander and the terrible, horrible no-good books.

SPEAKER_02 39:30

It's one of my favorite books growing up.

SPEAKER_04 39:32

Some days are like that, even in Australia. And so if it's just a bad day, like that sucks. And we wish that it didn't happen on our birthday, but sometimes it does. So just give yourself a do-over. It's okay. You've got a month, celebrate your half birthday, celebrate your quarter birthday, yeah. Find a reason to celebrate a different day, but it's just a day. Um, I think the the point is in um making time to mark the the moment in life. It doesn't have to perfectly line up with the exact moment.

SPEAKER_05 40:08

I love that.

SPEAKER_04 40:09

It's it's just about reflection, about an opportunity to find gratitude, an opportunity to create a happy spark. Um so it doesn't have to be perfect. It's okay if it's not on the exact day, on the exact moment. Um, you know, take the pressure off.

SPEAKER_02 40:28

Exactly. Exactly. So another component that we were talking about is um how other cultures celebrate birthdays. Because here in the United States, we have um, I would say, customs, traditions that we um uh follow roughly. Um, but there are other countries where things are done a little bit differently. So one of them you brought up, you want to talk a little bit about it?

SPEAKER_04 40:56

Yeah, well, I love that, and I get this from watching K dramas, which is one of my favorite hobbies. I think they make some really great cinema, but um I love I love uh that there's this concept in like um Asian culture is um and Korea is is one of them, where everyone ages collectively at the new year and it removes this um individual pressure of having to, you know, like mark every person's birthday. Of course I love this because you know, it's one day to remember.

SPEAKER_02 41:34

Just do it all on January 1st.

SPEAKER_04 41:38

And you just celebrate like the birthday. Then it's a little weird because like if you were born on December 31st, then you're one year old on January 1st. But you're a you're a very young one-year-old.

SPEAKER_02 41:52

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_04 41:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:54

Yeah. It's like you just wake up on January 1st and all of a sudden you're like, oh, collective aging.

SPEAKER_04 41:59

One, one, one year old. But um, I do think that um, you know, it's a beautiful idea um to be able to celebrate like the turn of another year. Um so that's that's fun.

SPEAKER_02 42:14

Yeah, it feels a little less um uh pressure to let um, yeah. I hadn't heard that one before. So when you told me, I was like, oh, that's super interesting.

SPEAKER_04 42:23

Yeah. Let's talk about um talk about some of the other traditions that you have.

SPEAKER_02 42:28

So um I found that in China and India, it is actually um customary for the birthday person to actually give um uh sweets or pay for the meal of people who are coming to attend their celebration, which I thought was a really interesting, like that I think it's totally different from here in the United States what we do. Um so I thought that was an interesting little little change.

SPEAKER_04 42:55

Um one of the ones that I think we have um incorporated here in the US, uh, that I believe comes from Mexico is breaking pinatas, the tradition of breaking pinatas. I know um I threw um birthday parties for my kiddo with pinatas, and that was a fun activity. Um so the, you know, like surprise.

SPEAKER_02 43:23

It's an interactive activity.

SPEAKER_04 43:25

Yeah, and well, and I think the element of like being able to um break open something, have you know fun things come out. Um, you know, it's like this bursting out of a cake or you know, yeah, it's it's celebratory moment. Yeah, it's a good way to celebrate.

SPEAKER_02 43:48

Germany, I thought was interesting that they um early celebration is considered bad luck. So if you are a birthday month or birthday week person, um You just hold off until your actual birthday and then like after that, because apparently they're bad luck. So be in the no, be in the no.

SPEAKER_04 44:09

I love that. Um there are a lot of um traditions around um eating specific foods. So we know that um we know that there's you know, cake here in the United States.

SPEAKER_05 44:22

Very important for you.

SPEAKER_04 44:23

In Australia, there's the tradition of eating fairy bread, um, which is um like I think piece of bread with sprinkles on it.

SPEAKER_02 44:34

I don't know if there's oh like with icing and I think it's icing and um like a piece of bread, frosting, and uh sprinkles. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:42

Yeah, which some people call jimmies, and I don't understand why.

SPEAKER_02 44:46

I don't think I've ever heard it called Jimmies.

SPEAKER_04 44:48

Oh, the little sprinkles, yeah, they're called Jimmies. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:53

I'm learning new things here.

SPEAKER_04 44:55

Um uh longevity noodles are a thing. Seaweed soup, um don't sign me up for that one. In some cultures. Um, you know, so I think that's um that's like a fun way to mark like a it's a tradition. Uh I know even like on other holidays like Christmas, um, it's become our tradition to eat waffles on Christmas. So um, you know, I think that's a fun, a fun thing that people celebrate across cultures just a little bit differently.

SPEAKER_02 45:26

Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's like the fun things that like can carry into different, like especially as we now live in a world where everyone's like, you know, in different places and travel is uh is much more easier. You learn these customs and they start to um make their way into other um cultures and you get to see them, you know, change, evolve, yeah, adapt, and a lot of fun. One that I read um in Jamaica is about throwing flour on the person and here in the US we call that antiquing. Um and it is not done in a like celebratory way, but it is actually like it's messy, but it's a fun and lighthearted way that you can show affection and celebrate. Um, and it's often seen as like a form of good luck uh for the person. So neat. Yeah, and sometimes they'll actually like put like put water on the person and then throw the flower so it sticks.

SPEAKER_04 46:21

It just stinks. Right.

SPEAKER_02 46:23

It's fun.

SPEAKER_04 46:23

That's sounds very messy. It would be fun to like just celebrate. We should if we had planned, we could have celebrated. Maybe this year for your birthday, we'll celebrate by incorporating some of the best like cultural ways of celebrating.

SPEAKER_02 46:40

Well, so now I'll be on the lookout for you and a handful of flour.

unknown 46:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:45

I mean, so maybe hit us up at connect at chris and jenitm.com and tell us what uh what what cultural traditions should we um consider putting Chris through on his birthday? Um don't say don't say the birthday spankings. That one is like not happening. That's not happening. Um, should birthdays be about giving instead of receiving?

SPEAKER_02 47:15

Yeah, I thought this was an interesting um question that was posed. But like in some of these cultures, it has been about like celebrating, giving back to people who have given to you throughout the year, who have like invested in you, your life. And um, I kind of liked that that different way of looking at it because again, I think when when I think about like having my birthday, I want a celebration with the people who have been part of my year. I don't necessarily think about like, oh, I should go find items or pay for the meal or you know, give give something in return. But I just thought it was like super interesting to think of it in that aspect, like, wow, you've helped me get through this year. Now that I've gotten here, let me give something back to you as a thank you. I just thought it was like an interesting perspective.

SPEAKER_04 48:02

That is that I mean, people should just celebrate the mother on the birthday. Just the mother did the work.

SPEAKER_02 48:13

She got you here, didn't she?

SPEAKER_04 48:15

We're celebrating that day, that day that we live to always remember, and yet that experience that fades, thankfully, or else we'd never have more children. I'm just kidding. You're the only mother in this duo, so and as a mother, I would say that I live to be able to celebrate my child's birthday. In fact, that is that's the one that I've said. I mean, it's about you, but it's about me celebrating you. So we're gonna do something.

SPEAKER_02 48:52

Sometimes the reality kick is in.

unknown 48:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 48:55

Like walking at graduation. I know it's your graduation, but I earned this.

SPEAKER_02 49:00

That's right. That's that I it do all moms like have certain sayings that they're given at different points? Because I feel like I've heard my mom say that too.

SPEAKER_04 49:09

You've heard that one.

SPEAKER_02 49:12

This isn't about you. This is about me and what how I helped get you here.

SPEAKER_04 49:17

I'm not saying it's about me. I'm just saying it's about me needing to celebrate you. So it is about me.

SPEAKER_02 49:24

Yeah. Um some potential hot takes on birthdays that um I'm interested to hear your perspective on.

SPEAKER_04 49:34

Are they overrated? Absolutely not, obviously.

SPEAKER_02 49:37

If anything, you think we undervalue them.

SPEAKER_04 49:40

Absolutely, I do. Um, is it a birthday if it hasn't been posted on social media? I think absolutely I'm on a bit of a sabbatical right now. So thankfully you're carrying my end of the bar again um on the podcast. But um yeah, I think it's good to take a break from social media sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 50:03

Yeah, I kind of go back to this idea of the picture that people want to paint on on social media for things. And I'm I am not against it. Like I love seeing what my friends are up to. I love seeing the the different things that are happening and celebrating them. And look, thanks to Facebook, a lot of times I remember friends' birthdays because I get that notification that tells me, hey, it's someone's birthday. So I'm I'm grateful for that. But I will say sometimes like that unrealistic expectation that we put in our minds about like what we want celebrated, how we want celebrated, or because we're seeing things that maybe are not like it's just not a realistic expectation that we're having. Yeah, yeah. Um so yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:49

Surprise parties, exciting or stressful. This one is hilarious to me.

SPEAKER_02 50:54

Oh, I put this in here for you.

SPEAKER_04 50:56

How do you think I'm gonna answer this question?

SPEAKER_02 50:59

I think you love showing up and surprising people, i.e., my birthday last year. And I think had I showed up at your door this year and surprised you there, you would have been happy. I think you would have been excited. I'm sorry that I couldn't make that happen.

SPEAKER_04 51:14

No, that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 51:16

But I think if you walked into a room and everyone shouted surprise at you, I think you would have not enjoyed that as much.

SPEAKER_04 51:26

I think you're absolutely right. Um because I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why I I endeavored to understand myself better. But my amazing, wonderful husband has helped me understand that I love the idea of a surprise. I do not love the reality of a surprise.

SPEAKER_05 51:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 51:46

Whether it is a party, whether I always thought I wanted a surprise party. I don't want a surprise party. I want to be prepared. I want to know what's coming.

SPEAKER_05 51:55

I need to be ready.

SPEAKER_04 51:56

Surprise in a box. Like I need certain things to be able to feel comfortable. I need like, you know, I don't have to know all of the details, but I gotta have the direction.

SPEAKER_05 52:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 52:11

Um, but yeah, I don't like feeling caught off guard. I don't like being surprised. It triggers something in me. I don't understand it. But I would say I love the idea of a surprise. You're absolutely right. If I was expecting to be able to come home and relax and whatever, and all of a sudden a bunch of people jumped out and yelled surprise, and I had to entertain and I didn't feel ready and I didn't feel like I had mentally prepared for that, and I didn't, you know, I that I would not handle that well.

SPEAKER_02 52:42

I if I were invited to a surprise party for you, I think um, I mean, I would definitely go because it's for you. But if they're like, oh, it's gonna be at her house, I I think that's a I think when the surprise party is at someone's house, like that just seems a bit uncomfortable to me because that's supposed to be your safe space. That's supposed to be, and so when you're walking into that and you're not expecting it, now if it's like at a venue or something like that, a little more understandable.

SPEAKER_04 53:14

I think I would, I love the idea. I think I would really struggle. I think that I would then be caught in this place of feeling like I needed to put on the the like I needed to show up a certain way and be happy and excited and there for everybody. And yet I would be mentally still struggling to catch up with what was happening.

SPEAKER_05 53:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:40

And um, and then I would have like this guild to enter and then like just be very stressed, and then I wouldn't be able to enjoy it, and then I would be upset that I wasn't enjoying it. And yeah, it would be this entire snowball of a journey that would turn into an aval avalanche. Um I'm just really grateful that my husband knows this about me because I would I think I did say in the past I wanted a surprise party. I felt like I was missing out.

SPEAKER_02 54:07

And he was like, No, you don't. He's like, you think you do, but you don't.

SPEAKER_04 54:14

You think you do, but you don't.

SPEAKER_02 54:16

I think I could, I think I would totally be good with a surprise party. Like I think the surprise, like I would be fine with that. I would not want it to be at my house. Like I I would not want it.

SPEAKER_04 54:26

And you hadn't signed up for that.

SPEAKER_02 54:28

But I think like as what you were saying, like making I think I would feel a level of all of these people showed up for me, so now I need to like go and talk to all of them and have a meaningful interaction with all of them. And then you only like, how long do we have the space for? Like I don't know. Like there's uh I think I would be fine with it, but I as you were talking about like some of those um the things that would run through my head. Yeah, I think those some of those would also for me be a little bit um just joy steal potential joystealers for me because I I I would want to make sure, like, hey, if you made the effort to like show up for me, like I want to make sure that I'm like present for you as well.

SPEAKER_04 55:09

I mean, I think you're supposed to show up and just be along for the ride. And I don't think I know how to do that.

SPEAKER_02 55:17

You think either of us are those people? I don't.

SPEAKER_04 55:25

I don't like to give over control, I guess. Um not that I feel like I would have to plan it all because I don't know things. Um, but like to just be along for the ride and not have to worry about how everybody is feeling, like, mm, I don't know how to do that, which is probably something I should work on this year.

SPEAKER_02 55:45

There you go. See, we're one one thing for the list so far.

SPEAKER_04 55:49

One thing for the list so far. Um, it's a long list, guys. It's a long list. Let's set our expectations reasonably here.

SPEAKER_02 55:57

Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 55:59

Well, I just loved I loved this.

SPEAKER_02 56:01

Yes, I did too. I I so appreciate you letting us celebrate you and and share this.

SPEAKER_04 56:07

It's my birthday.

SPEAKER_02 56:08

It is your birthday.

SPEAKER_04 56:09

I just like I forgot for a minute. We're just having this conversation, doing what we do every Sunday. And then I was like, oh, it's my birthday.

SPEAKER_02 56:15

We're having it because it's your birthday.

SPEAKER_04 56:17

Get hyped.

SPEAKER_02 56:19

You have things to do after this. So I do.

SPEAKER_04 56:22

I've got stuff to do. I gotta go adventure hot pot for the first time.

SPEAKER_02 56:27

That's right. So um I would just say if you no matter where you are, whether it's celebrate for a month, celebrate for for a day, or team dread, like I highly recommend.

SPEAKER_04 56:43

No matter where you are.

SPEAKER_02 56:46

No matter where you are, I highly recommend um this is something special. You you are you are special. You are a unique soul, an individual who who is here on this planet to um to share what you bring. And um don't let anything steal your joy. And um I hope that when your birthday comes around, you're able to look back and celebrate what you've accomplished, not what you think you should have accomplished, not what your peers have, but that you celebrate who you are, what you've done, and the fact that you are still here.

SPEAKER_04 57:23

Absolutely. So share with us how do you love to celebrate your birthday? What are your thoughts on what we've shared and how you think about birthdays? Um, you can leave a comment. We would love that. It super helps us uh for more people to get to see and become a part of the conversation. You can email us at connect at chris and jenitm.com. Um, you can text us at 940-278-8129.

SPEAKER_02 57:50

And don't forget to follow us on all of our social media platforms. We're on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook. You can find us Chris and Jen ITM. ITM stands for in the morning. Um, so please like, follow, subscribe, comment. All of that stuff helps um helps us, our platforms find the right people. Um so and we like we talked about a little bit earlier, we're building this community and we want you to be part of it. So please come join us.

SPEAKER_04 58:17

Absolutely. And until next time, be kind to yourself, to one another, and make it a great week.

SPEAKER_02 58:22

Happy birthday, Jen!

SPEAKER_04 58:24

Happy birthday to me.