Tips for Rootedness: Mindfulness

This episode emphasizes the importance of acceptance and mindfulness as tools for healing. Kiran Prasad shares personal experiences with accumulative losses, the role of support systems, and the journey towards acceptance and resilience. T She explores the complexities of grief, the healing power of gratitude, community, and the importance of mindfulness and creative outlets in navigating loss. . She discusses practical mindfulness techniques that can be integrated into daily life to enhance emotional resilience and well-being. The dialogue emphasizes the significance of perspective, gratitude, and finding joy amidst adversity, offering insights and coping strategies for those facing similar challenges.

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Transcript

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This podcast may contain sensitive material that may not be suitable for everyone. Information shared is based on personal experiences and not meant to replace medical or other professional help. Hi everyone, welcome to the Uprooted by Unwanted Change podcast. I'm Kiran, your host, and you'll have the opportunity in this episode to get to know me a bit more as a person rather than as an interviewer. You'll gain insights from my own unwanted changes. And if you haven't tuned in before, every other Tuesday we'll have a guest on the show. And I had one last Tuesday. In between that, interspersed with that, I have my Tips for Rootedness series for times when I don't have a guest like now. These tips are ways to help ground ourselves again after it feels like the floor's gone from underneath our feet. Today's tips for rootedness are about mindfulness. And I want to make it clear I'm not a mindfulness coach or consider myself an expert, but I have learned from experts and through my own lived experiences. I've also written about mindfulness in my relocation book, "A Mindful Move Feel at Home Again" And this term mindfulness, we come across it a lot these days. Yeah, most people have heard something about it. It's a huge topic, just like the grief one. And just like with grief, one episode can't cover everything or do justice to it. So I'm sure we'll revisit it in some way in other episodes. Hopefully you'll be listening to this mindfully without distractions. I want to tell you a little about how this topic came about. One of our listeners messaged about my grief episode. She was curious about my own story and how I managed to reach that stage of acceptance and finding meaning. You know, when I was talking about exuding good energy that people were drawn to. So that's what I'm going to share about. One of the best ways I know for being able to shift from the sadness of loss and into acceptance is to be mindful. It's what helped me heal after my divorce, losing my Dad, and relocating to California where I knew no one, because these were all things that happened at the same time. Like I said, in the grief episode, acceptance doesn't mean you have to like what happened or think it was okay. It's being able to come to terms with our new reality. When we experience a situation, it's our thinking about it that can cause the most suffering. While we can't change people and events, we can change the way we respond to them. That's where the power lies. And Nancy Nelson, our guest in the breakup episode, she shared how she came to an acceptance of the situation she found herself in by accepting the reality that her ex-boyfriend just wasn't coming back. Also in my relocation book, I share mindfulness tools to help people come to an acceptance of their new location and home. One of these tools is to use affirmations like, "I'm here now." And I've had to use this affirmation myself when I've been faced with relocation grief. It's really difficult to stay present when we're grieving because we're looking back at what we lost and we're worried ahead about how we're gonna cope in the future. So what exactly is mindfulness? The idea of mindfulness isn't new by any means. It's been around for a long time in the East through Buddhist philosophy and practices. It really was uh Dr. John Kabat-Zinn who brought it to the medical community by developing Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, which is an evidence-based program. And he set up the MBSR clinic at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. where he's a professor. MBSR aims to help people manage not only stress but chronic pain using mindful meditation. And Kabat-Zinn describes mindfulness as "Focusing on the here and now, being fully present in whatever you do and wherever you go." He says, when our thoughts begin to wander to the future or the past, we should avoid judging them and that mindful meditation can help us improve at doing this. However, the person I credit most for teaching me how to be mindful is world renowned spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, after I read his incredible book. I can't rave about it enough."The Power of Now" Although I've got to admit that for years I couldn't read it. When I first tried, I thought, "What the heck is this about?" It didn't make any sense. It was tough to read then as it is still. At least now I get it. And I think I was probably not at a place to receive such profound wisdom until I was going through really deep emotional pain. Since then, I've read it over and over again through difficult times. And it always helps bring me peace. I'm not the only one because Oprah is known to take "The Power of Now" with her everywhere and she highly recommends it. We need mindfulness more than ever in our world because we're so busy doing, doing, doing, and pay little attention to just being. You might think that you've got no time to be mindful, but that's when you need it the most. It's important for us to pause and smell the roses, literally. As Eckhart Tolle says in his book, "Stillness Speaks.""When your attention moves into the now, there is an alertness. It's as if you were waking up from a dream, the dream of thought, the dream of past and future. Being in the present moment helps us have a clearer mind to make decisions." Have you ever noticed when you're fully present, not in your thoughts, creative answers to problems, they just pop up in your head, they just come to you? So taking a break from doing is totally worth it! Thinking isn't what's actually harmful. It's when we can't stop thinking and be present. When we're depressed, it's said that we're living in the past in regretful thoughts. And when we're anxious, we're living in worries about the future. So how do we get out of those patterns? How can we use thought like a tool to be used and then put away? Basically, how can we press pause on our thoughts? Eckhart says one way is to be a witness to those thoughts by bringing awareness to what you're thinking. As soon as you do that, you try to catch yourself thinking, you find you can't because thinking stops. Or if you ask yourself, "Do I have a problem right now, this minute?" When you ask yourself that, you find that you usually don't have a problem that moment because your worrying thoughts subside. It's all about bringing attention to the present moment. Being mindful doesn't require much extra effort because you can do it through everyday activities such as brushing your teeth, washing your hands, or even drinking a glass of water. Simply by activating all the senses. How many times do you actually look at that glass of water before drinking the water in it? And as you're sipping, noticing how it feels, tastes going down your throat. Or when you're doing laundry, how often do you really look at the clothes you're putting in the machine? Or while folding or hanging them. The design of them, maybe they've got stripes or spots, the colors of them, textures and scent. Hopefully after washing the clothes, I wouldn't want to smell them before. Instead, we're usually on autopilot and in our thoughts when doing everyday tasks. How often are we mindful even about our environment, our immediate surroundings? Do you notice how many steps you take each day out of your home or into work, that's if you don't work remotely, or school. Or that a bird started to build a nest in your yard, or even the bird itself? When we begin to use our senses and observe more intently, it can feel like we're looking at everything from the eyes of a newborn and suddenly feel more alive. At least that's been my experience. A quick and easy way to practice mindfulness is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique of grounding. It's also known as the Five Senses Grounding Technique. It's something that therapists and mindfulness coaches use with their clients. It's such a powerful tool to manage stress, anxiety, or overwhelming emotions, even panic attacks. It helps ground us in the present by using our senses to interrupt negative or anxious thoughts and to calm our nervous system. So how do we go about doing that? Well, we need to, you need to notice five things you can see around you, like trees or cars, noticing the details, the colors, the shapes, like we spoke about. Four things that you can touch or feel. This could be the texture of your clothes, the couch you're sitting on, or even just your hands. Then three things you can hear, Maybe a car starting, a bird tweeting, or even your own breathing. Then two things you can smell. That might be the scent of a candle or your coffee brewing. And eventually one thing you can taste. That might be maybe lingering flavor of something you just ate or drank or even the natural taste in your mouth. This made me think how we could try this technique with kids, making it into a game when we're on a walk or road trip with them. How many things they or you can observe using the senses. I'm so glad to see as a teacher myself, it's wonderful to see schools using mindfulness teaching it. Young kids in particular, they already are naturally very present. I think that's why just being around them or being around pets can instantly put us in the present moment too. Or not, as the case may be! For me, it feels so good to be around my little grandson and my kids' fur babies. And talking of which, I had some great news last Tuesday. My second grandbaby arrived into the world and I can't wait to meet him! You may not have kids or pets in your life, but being around animals like ducks at the park or animals at a farm can also bring presence into our life, as can nature itself. Being outdoors in nature is very grounding. When I was grieving and feeling depressed and angry, at first I just wanted to be alone. And one of the things I did a lot was walk by the ocean, apart from reading lots of books as well. I was so fortunate to be living close to the beach. I would walk along the boardwalk or barefoot on the wet, summer sand, which is so lovely. It feels like sponge. I didn't realize it, but I was doing a grounding activity without realizing it. It gave me instant relief. It's as if the receding waves swept away my troubles and brought in peace. No matter how sad or depressed I felt, the beach could bring a smile to my face. I still call it "My Happy Place". felt like I was doing a kind of walking meditation because it so easily lifted me out of my thoughts so that I could just be. You may not live by the ocean, but that place could be somewhere else for you in nature, a park or a hiking area. I wondered, and you might be wondering that too, what's the difference or connection between mindfulness and meditation? I was thinking they're almost the same thing. They certainly both are known to have similar benefits, to reduce stress, help us focus better, manage our emotions, and boost our overall well-being. I've learned though that meditation is a formal, structured way of being mindful or a tool for being mindful. It's a training of the mind, usually using breathing, body scans or visualization techniques. It's a dedicated practice, often done sitting down. Whereas mindfulness is mostly done through everyday activities, like the kinds of activities I mentioned. Um I know plenty of people who meditate, and you might be someone who meditates too. Our podcast guest, Nancy Nelson, a mindful health and wellness coach shared how meditation, was part of her own, daily self-care practice and how it helped her after her breakup. My sister, she meditates daily for up to an hour or so, and she's always encouraging me to do so. But I can barely sit for with it for five or ten minutes! I've tried it many times including using meditation apps. Even trying Pranayama breathing meditation. It just doesn't seem to work for me. I can't continue it. I hope you do better at it than me because everyone's different. Come to think of it, one kind of meditation that does work for me is walking meditation. And it just goes to show that we don't necessarily have to be sitting in a lotus position to meditate. It's something I came across, the idea of walking meditation through the teachings of the Vietnamese monk and global spiritual leader Thich Nhat Hanh. It's what I naturally do when I walk by the ocean. Only I don't intentionally bring awareness to my breath and body and my steps. Walking in nature just in itself is so powerful at helping us be present. That's when I've always found answers to issues that I'm going through and the answers just come out of the blue. It's amazing! Also through Thich Nhat Hanh I learned about mindful eating, to honor our meal times. It's by taking time to eat, avoiding all distractions, and focusing only on the meal. Eating more consciously using our five senses and savoring every mouthful. That includes appreciating what it took to get the food onto our plate. How somebody had to grow the vegetables, then pick them, and then transport them to grocery stores. Someone had to cook it as well. When I ate mindfully, the food seemed to just taste so much more delicious, more flavorful, and I fully experienced the act of eating. Mindful eating. includes paying attention to hunger and fullness cues. Now that's really tough to do when we're multi-tasking, eating in front of the TV or while reading or talking on the phone and I know we all do it! Don't you find that when you do that though, when you eat like that, you don't notice what you've eaten or even if you've eaten. Eating mindfully, it really helped me become more aware of what food I was putting into my body as I developed awareness. So I started eating healthily by cooking organic, whole food, plant-based meals from scratch. Now I know it's something that really suits my body and health. It might not suit everyone. But simply staying away from processed foods that can make all the difference to us mentally and physically. Now, if only I could remember to drink enough water. I need to be a camel! Along with mindful eating, I developed a greater connection to all things. As I started coming out of my solitude of hibernating into spiritual, self-help books, I felt the need for a real, spiritual connection or community. I'm not religious in any sense of the word, though I do believe in God or a higher power. At that time I was on a quest for answers and a way out of my pain. We all want to avoid pain, but as I mentioned in my grief episode, the way out of it is through it. In an effort to work through that pain, I began going to a spiritual center. It's somewhere I return to at critical times because I feel less alone and like that time, it really helped lift my energy. Creative outlets like uh art, gardening, maybe sewing, they might be other ways to elevate our energy because they can put us in the present moment. For me, that creative outlet was writing and cooking. When we cook, how often are we aware of what the food we're cooking looks like? The colors, textures, shapes, steam venting out, sounds of sizzling, and the aromas. If we give our full attention to it, cooking and other creative interests can be therapeutic. So can physical activity. When I started returning to being the social person that I am, I joined local Meetup groups. It was a great way to make friends when I was still new to the area. In fact, if you're not familiar with it, Meetup.com can be accessed worldwide to help you meet others with similar interests online or usually in person. I found myself being drawn to music, so I joined a dance meetup in which we went disco dancing for fun to live 80s bands. I know, I'm showing my age here a bit. Music in general was so healing for me. I listened to it on my walks, in the car, or sang karaoke. It brought my soul joy and it helped me feel so alive after feeling dead. I still go dancing with my girlfriends every Saturday without fail. It really is our therapy. A shout out to my "Dancing Queens," a name we've called ourselves. What would I do without you? We all need friends we can laugh with, and have fun with, and share interests with. The more spiritual and connected to nature and all beings I became, I found myself feeling such immense gratitude. I'd start each morning thinking of five things I was grateful for. For what still remained in my life after the losses. I'd also be grateful for my health and thank my body, even my organs. We take them for granted when they're working well for us. The pain, the anger, and fear, all of that, it finally began to subside. And It became replaced with love and forgiveness for all. I think that's when I really started to exude that higher energy that people kept saying they were drawn to. Once I was eventually in this better place, I also became aware of what could bring it down, bring me down or drain that energy. I know I felt like I was trying to guard it. I remember becoming more mindful of what I said, who I interacted with, what I listened to or watched. Lately, with all the changes happening in our world, like me, you might find yourself watching too much news. I've actually had to pull away because it's depressing and draining for me. The same goes for social media. Same could be said about that. I know, it's ironic because here I am spending hours on my computer creating and promoting a podcast. Well, one thing's for sure. The request from a listener to know how I got to a wonderful place of healing has brought greater awareness in me. It reminded me of all that I could do to feel that way again, which I so want to. These are the things that worked for me. We're all unique, as unique as our fingerprints. So what worked for me may not work for you. But my wish is for you that you find your own mindful ways to peace and acceptance. I also hope this episode has helped you to do that. Our next guest the following Tuesday will be Josh Berger, a very mindful young man himself who shares about finding purpose and meaning after being uprooted by job loss. I can't wait for you to meet him. As some of you might know, I'm a brand new podcaster and I'd love to keep improving. If you have a question or topic you'd like me to cover on the podcast, or if you or someone you know would love to be a guest, please contact me via my website, jaskiranprasad.com. That's j-a-s in front of my first name, Kiran. And it should also be in the show notes. If you enjoyed listening to today's episode and found it helpful, please subscribe, share and join our uprooted by Unwanted Change Facebook group. We would love to hear from you. New episodes will be brought to you every Tuesday, wherever you get your podcast, including a YouTube version with captions. In the midst of chaos and uncertainty, May you find peace and rootedness.