#41 Part 1 of 3: Who Are You - In The Hustle

We open a three-part December series by naming the holiday hustle and offering a path to peace. We reframe stress by shifting thoughts, set kinder boundaries with family, and build simple practices that protect joy, gratitude, and presence.

• emotions arising from thoughts rather than events
• replacing have to and should with choose to
• trying on supportive thoughts for calm and agency
• listing obligations that drain energy
• honest conversations with spouse and family
• prioritizing what truly matters and calendaring it
• keeping prayer, movement, sleep, and hobbies
• daily gratitude to shift focus
• zooming out to meaning, connection, and love

If you have any questions or would like to go deeper into this topic or how it affects you in your own life, you can find me at Sharon Kcoaching.com. If you've enjoyed listening, please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite platform. And feel free to share with anyone you think might benefit from what you've heard.

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Transcript

Setting The December Series

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Hello and welcome to my podcast. My name is Sharon Murphy and I'm a certified life and mindset coach and I help women who stick to be happy and holy. Each week I'll bring you tools and insights to help you on your journey to the heights. I'm so glad you're here. Hello and welcome. Today I'm going to be starting a three-part series for the month of December, and I'm really excited about it. If you're here and listening, I'm assuming your goal is to become a better version of yourself. I'm just going to make that assumption. To better manage your life, to grow in some area, or to learn how to better navigate your relationships. Maybe it's to stop the same old bad habits. But the common denominator in all of these things, and this is what I help people with, and this is what I want to help you with, the common denominator in all of these is you. You are the only thing that you can control. So we're going to look at some ways to get ways that we get tripped up during this season, which were is upon us as we enter into December at the time of recording. But more importantly, some tools and insights to help you live as you'd like when things around you might seem as though they're pushing in on you, when things start to spin out of control, which happens for us a lot. Again, December, it's a beautiful time. It's, you know, as Christians, Advent is a time of preparing, waiting, should be a time of hope and of joy. And yet for many of us, we don't find that to be our reality, if we're honest with ourselves. So the three parts are going to be who you are. And the first one is, as I'm covering today, is who you are in the hustle. So we just finished up with Thanksgiving here in the States. And if you're like me, I'm sure there were some moments in the midst of all of it where you felt tension. Maybe some resistance to others, maybe some things that were said. Maybe you felt overwhelmed from people or gatherings, maybe from some shopping. Maybe you had to travel to go visit family or loved ones. Maybe you felt discouraged by the way others showed up. Or even how you showed up. Maybe you felt exhausted. Maybe you still feel exhausted by the physical demands of just all the things that you took took upon yourself or were responsible for. Or that you thought that you were responsible for. The food that you prepared, the family gatherings, maybe you were hosting a bunch of people at your house. There was the cleaning and the buying of the food and and all that goes with it. Again, maybe the travel. So maybe there was some physical exhaustion there. And those are just a few things. And most of them, I think we would say would appear to be negative, right? We could make some judgments about that. But and I'm sure though, I want to point out that you felt other things. Hopefully, you also felt some good things through all of this. Some maybe you had some good conversations, good food, and if you're like me, some good football. We were at my sister's house and we had a great she offered to host this year, which was a real blessing, and I I was really grateful for that. We went there and they had just fixed up their garage, so they had awesome table set out in the garage, and there was a TV out there because we are Packer, Green Bay Packer fans, and there was a football game that day and the Packers played. We played the Detroit Lions, and it was a big game within our division. And we were all very thrilled, yes, with all of the great food and conversations, but we were even more excited about the Packers winning. Uh, it was a big game for us, and they played very well. So much excitement there. But anyway, so as we move beyond Thanksgiving, though, we are quickly moving right into Christmas, right? Now, right or wrong, Christmas is thrown upon us from the outside world in so many ways. We know this. Maybe you love it. Some of my kids love it, maybe you resist it for very good reasons. For me, each year I work really, really, really hard to focus on the true meaning of Christmas. And what that looks like for me personally is to receive Jesus again in a new way. That's my intent. To slow down, to take it all in, you know, to, as they say, to remember the reason for the season. And maybe that's not you. Maybe you're already really good at that, or maybe that's just not your focus, but maybe you just really want to take in all the goodness that Christmas brings, which is true for most of us. And maybe you want to cherish all the wonderful traditions that your family holds. Well, I do as well. But as the world appears to spin faster and faster, as the demands of what this holiday seems to hold, you know, it holds grips us, it can really feel impossible. So today I really want to talk about some practical ways to slow down, take in every beautiful moment the season wants to offer you. But that is the key. That's the key right there is to slow down. And why is that? We can never truly experience what's right in front of us when we're rushing around. And it doesn't matter what you're aiming for this season, I can guarantee you you want to experience more hope, more peace, more joy, more love. So what I want to offer you is this. In these moments, in the next days and weeks, if you find yourself feeling emotions like overwhelm, anxiousness, if you feel stressed, hurried, frantic, or frustrated, maybe even a little discouraged or despairing because you feel like you have no control, or you just find yourself in the same old patterns of feeling like everything is just controlling you, then I want to remind you that these are all feelings. And these feelings are not the results of your circumstances. They are not the result of all the holiday baking, the gifts that you want to buy. Notice there, I said want, I didn't say need, because a little side note, there's never a time where a gift has to be bought. That is a thought. So I'm just gonna say that because very often we think we have to do certain things. I'm raising my hand here, you can't see me, but I've stated that. Well, I have to. You don't have to do any of these things. The reality is, is I could crawl in bed, you know, tomorrow, and I could stay in my bedroom for the next 30 days. I could skip Christmas altogether. That's a choice I have. Will I make that choice? No. But it is a choice. So it's a thought. We don't have to do any of these things. We choose to do them. Just the reminder that these emotions are not the result of holiday parties or food preparations. They're the results of our thoughts, period. The next part of that is that many of you struggle to find thoughts that can support better emotions. So you say, okay, that's great. Fine. That it's my thoughts, but what do I do about it? Well, we need to work on our thoughts. The problem is, is we struggle to find thoughts that are helpful to us in these situations. Why is that? Well, it's because the thoughts that you hold, the thoughts that you continue to believe, are so strong that they become beliefs that you just assume to be true. You believe they're just facts. Like I need to buy all these people presents. And if I challenge you on some of these things, you'd say, Well, I do. Well, I'm having all these people over. I have to make food. And yet, when we really start to unpack them, they're not truths. They're not things you have to do. And I know this because I too am doing so much work around these nasty beliefs that I have, these beliefs that it's my responsibility to do these things or that it's required of me. These beliefs that I have that I keep trying to, you know, appease others, trying to do all the things, you know, because I have to. That's not true. Even just removing have to, need to, or I should, if you remove those things alone from your thoughts and you just adjust it to I can or I have the option to, or I might, that alone can reduce your stress in a big way. That just that simple little tip right there, just getting rid of words like have to, need to, should, that will help you in a big way. I also want to offer you just some better thoughts for you to try on. And there's some ones that I have used personally, and they may not resonate with you, and but hopefully they do. So here's a few thoughts that you can try on if you're struggling to come up with something that makes sense when you're thinking about the next few weeks and what's on your plate. So here's one. Everything that I do this Christmas is because of a choice I get to make. The next one. I can send Christmas cards, but I don't need to. A simple text or a wish on Facebook to all of my friends can warm their hearts just as much as a mailed card. And that's truth, my friends. I have done that as well. I have eliminated Christmas cards, and some of you may like it, you know, more power to you, but that was one area that I got rid of, one area that it just stressed me out. So I stopped doing it. And it's been completely fine. Another thought is I can decorate Christmas candy or make Christmas candy with my family if it fits in my schedule. Remember, if we're doing these things with a heart that's heavy and it isn't really in it, is that really the memories you want to create anyway with your loved ones? Is that really what we're looking for? It should be things that we enjoy doing. So here's another thought. I love buying my kids gifts on Christmas, but that's not what they will remember. They will remember the joy and peace they felt on those days as we gather. That's what matters. Another thought is I want to be someone who shows up with a smile and a warm welcome rather than someone who is stressed out with all the things. And some of these are thoughts, maybe they're actually goals that I'm shooting towards, but they they help get my mind in the right place. Let's say that. Here's another one. It's okay if others have disagreements. I will be a source of peace when I can be. That's a really good one. Another one is no one expects perfectly planned gatherings. What matters is that we enjoy the moments when we're together. And this one, finally, if all I do this Christmas is love those in front of me well, it will have been a success. That's one that I want to remind myself of often and hang on to that thought. That's a thought I want to keep. And some of these might seem silly to you, but hopefully not. But at least you get the idea of just trying to reframe some things. So you can take one of these, do whatever. Bonus points, if you write them down, you know, make them your own, take your own. Just spend some time sitting down and thinking about what you can grab onto for thoughts that will help get you out of this place of I have to, I need to. And when you sit quietly and do it, you'll be able to reframe it pretty quickly. But if you write them down and then just commit to trying to just visit, revisit those, that can be really helpful. We've been talking about how to manage thoughts that you have so that you can resist those emotions that result in you showing up in ways you don't like, like overwhelmed, anxious. Those don't, those are the emotions that lead to actions where we're not usually very happy with the way we showed up. We don't like feeling that way. Therefore, we don't bring our best selves to the occasion. And much of these are the results or expectations of ourselves as well as others. Now, the expectations of your ourselves or the expectation of yourself, those are combated pretty easily by challenging the thoughts and beliefs that you have, which is just what I talked about. But the other part, the expectations of others, we can also manage our mind, super important and really powerful, but it's also going to require that you to take some practical steps. And I'm going to give you some practical things that you can do to help better manage how you show up by actually getting rid of those things that are taking up your time and aren't actually serving you or others. So to start, let's do just that. Let's make it practical. First of all, I want you to write down a list of the things that drain you, of drain you, and drain you of your energy. Things you really don't enjoy doing, but you do out of obligation. And this is if you find yourself feeling like, I'm just, I'm stressed out, there's too much to do, I'm overwhelmed. Just take a moment. It doesn't have to be any, you don't need to set aside half an hour. Just grab a pen and paper and quickly jot it down. Type it in your notes on your phone. What are the things that you do out of obligation that drain you of your energy? And yet you really wish you didn't have to. These are the things that you feel like you have to. If it's something that you do because it's for your spouse, then I invite you to sit down with your spouse and have some honest conversations. Share your viewpoint and listen to theirs. Express to them the effect it's having on you, your emotions, maybe your health, your mental health, your spiritual health, your physical health. Share that with them. I bet they'd be maybe they maybe they're not shocked. But I bet if you really came at this from a being very open and honest about what it's doing and how it's what's causing in your life and how you're showing up, I'm I'm pretty sure that you could come to at least some sort of agreement at how you can make this work, if not eliminate it altogether. Now, if it's something that you're doing because of family, specifically your children, which I think is where we find a lot of us, a lot of us find ourselves, if your children expect it, then sit down and decide if it's worth it to keep doing this, if it's robbing you of your peace or your joy. And I don't know the age of your kids, but just remember again, if you're not showing up in a spirit of you know generosity, if you're not loving it, if you're showing up anxious and overwhelmed and stressed, you're really not creating the atmosphere or the memories that you want for your children anyway. I'm sure that they would understand. Even if they're disappointed, I'm sure that they will understand. What you want to bring to the table is your best self. That's a much better gift for your kids. Now, again, if you're doing something that's draining of your energy and this is for your extended family, this is very similar. If what you're doing is to keep peace or to keep others happy and it's robbing you of your peace and joy, is that really what you think your loved ones want for you? If they really are, they care about you, and they knew that this was robbing you of your peace and your joy, and you've shared that with them, do you think that's really what they want? Have you shared with them how you're feeling? I would dare to bet that an open and honest conversation could clear up a lot of those things. Now the second thing, after you've written down those things that have drained you of your energy, I want you to prioritize what it is that you want to get done. Again, not need to, what you want to get done. It might be purchasing gifts for certain people in your life. It might be decorating your house or Christmas trees. It could be holiday baking that you've always enjoyed and you really want to continue for whatever reason. Maybe it's Christmas cards, maybe that is something you love doing. Connecting with people you don't see very often, writing notes. Maybe it's just planning certain holiday parties. Now, in our family, my husband is self-employed and he has a holiday party for his workers and people that help him every year. And that's kind of a non-negotiable. Whether I desire it or not, he it's important to him and it's something that he really wants to do. And he invites people, but in the years that he's been doing it, he takes the reins on that because he knows that that's something that it's just kind of draining me of my energy, and it's in the midst of a lot of other things that I'm responsible for. So to have to add that to my plate. He just says, I'll take care of all the food. He orders out a lot of the stuff. He, you know, I will make a few dishes, but he takes care of cleaning the place where we have it. We have a shed in our yard, but we have a rec room kind of attached to it, a finished area where we have parties and things like that. Him and my sons, they get it all cleaned up and they take care of that for me. Anyway, the next one is put it on a calendar. Prioritize those things that you want to get done and then put them on a calendar. I know some of you are gonna resist us, but having a place to put it down, you guys, whether it's on your phone or a paper calendar, even, I'm all about it. It makes it much more likely that you'll get it done. It's on your it's on your calendar. It's it's there. And it's gonna also require you to look at your weeks and months as a whole so that you know when to fit things in. You can kind of get an idea of where things are landing. And it can eliminate so much last minute rushing or hustling around that certainly steals your peace. Now, the next one, number four, is don't abandon those routines and habits that help keep you calm and peace-filled. Don't abandon the things that you do right now for your health and your well-being because life gets busy. Those are the things we need to keep in place. Those routines and the things that we have going on, we need to keep those going. And those can be things like prayer, exercise, hobbies. The things that you do, those routines are really important for your physical, emotional, spiritual, you know, your mental health. Do not abandon those things when your schedule gets busier. Number five is daily gratitude. Spend some time each day. And again, bonus points if you write it down, but just if nothing else, just think of at least three things that you're grateful for. When life gets busy and we feel pressured and it feels like everything is kind of closing in on us, it's because we feel the demands of the world. We feel that they're greater than what we can commit to or what we're able to take on. And that's all about our focus. And we can control what we focus on. So focusing on what we feel needs to be done or what we have yet to do, or all the ways we're falling short, that can quickly diminish. It can be diminished by focusing on what we have and what's right in front of us. We can't feel stressed when we're filled with gratitude. They're from opposing thoughts. A place of gratitude is just appreciating all that we have when we're feeling stressed and overwhelmed. We're looking at all the things we don't have or we need to do. Those are opposing thoughts. So just focusing on what you do have, being grateful for the things in front of you can really help there. And this one ties in just a little bit, but it's I just want you to zoom out. And so just as daily gratitude is about our focus, so is zooming out. And by that I mean zoom out and look at the big picture. And that's just focusing on what's important to us, what's what really matters. And the best way to shift from all the things that we feel are important or necessary, you know, aka the demands, is to refocus on what it is that truly matters. And what are some of those things that truly matter? Well, I know in my own life, and I think for you as well, and talking to the amount of people that I do is great conversations are what matter. Connection matters. Laughter with our loved ones, and then giving and receiving love. Those are the things that matter. You know, though in the grand scheme of things, all the details about the holiday that we can get caught up in, yeah, they're great. We love making a nice meal for our loved ones. We love giving a gift that we know is going to warm someone's heart. Those are not bad, and we should continue to do that, but just focus, just zooming out and focusing on what really matters can help to reduce some of that stress and pressure. So remember, as the world continues to turn up the dial, you know, you get email after email of promotions, sales, must-haves. As your calendar continues to fill up, as you work to navigate holiday plans and gatherings with loved ones who have their own full calendars and schedules, I just want you to remember, feeling stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, exhausted, beat down, just make sure when that happens that you check your thoughts. What are you focusing on? What are you thinking about? And then intentionally adjust those thoughts. Choose a better one. Just do it. It's really that simple. It's just about taking the time to do it. But I also then want you to take some practical steps and get rid of those things that drain you and leave you feeling empty and tired without filling your cup. Talk to your loved ones if those expectations are keeping you stuck there. Just have some open and honest conversations with the people closest to you. And then prioritize what it is you want to get done. What's important to you and your loved ones, of course. It's not, you know, this isn't a self-focus about only doing, it's not about selfishness. That's not the point. But the point is just prioritizing what fills you, what are the things that you can get done, being realistic. And then put them on the calendar and give them space. Give them space so that you can work on that in your days, in your evenings. And then make sure not to abandon those routines that are good for your health, for your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health. And then be grateful for what you have. Practice some daily gratitude and zoom out. Zoom out. Zooming out, I believe, is probably the key to all of this. Because if we get that right, the other things tend to fall in place. I put that last for a reason because I kind of want to end here. And once we zoom out, it's we begin to see the littleness of all the details that we're caught up in. The littleness of our lives. And I know that can be a little alarming to hear is that, you know, your life is a little, and I don't mean you're little, but when we look at that the fact of that, we are a small part of a big story. Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, God's Son who came to save us. And when we understand the whole story, and more importantly, how we fit into that story, the natural response is one of gratitude. And what will flow as well from there is hope, peace, joy, and love. And when we were filled with gratitude, hope, peace, joy, and love, we will still be in a world that is driven by hustle, no doubt. But it won't matter because we will have found the true gift that has been waiting for us. Until next time, onward and upward, my friends, to the heights. Thanks so much for listening today. If you have any questions or would like to go deeper into this topic or how it affects you in your own life, you can find me at Sharon Kcoaching.com. That's Sharon the Letterk Coaching.com. If you've enjoyed listening, please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite platform. And feel free to share with anyone you think might benefit from what you've heard.