#53 It's Not Just You

Ever caught yourself whispering “Is it just me?” and feeling that sting of loneliness that follows? We dig into why our minds latch onto that question, how it quietly fuels isolation, and what to say instead so you can think clearly, act wisely, and feel supported. Drawing on coaching conversations with women navigating phones, church, sports schedules, and the pressure to get parenting right, we unpack the deeper need for belonging that sits beneath the surface of everyday complaints.

We explore how the brain reacts when it senses you’re an outlier, why it swaps curiosity for self-criticism, and how a tiny reframe—“I know I’m not alone; what’s the next right step?”—points you toward practical help. You’ll hear real examples that move from light moments to heavy concerns, plus a look at how modern life has thinned everyday mentorship among women and what we can do to rebuild it. If you’ve felt tired, worried, overwhelmed, or unsure, you’ll find language that normalizes your experience and opens the door to relief.

Faith is part of this path too. We talk about bringing our needs to God from peace and surrender rather than panic, and how that posture clears space for guidance and small, doable next steps. Most of all, we invite you to become the steady friend you wish you had: listen first, share honestly, protect stories, and offer simple, testable ideas. You’re not a unicorn, and nothing has gone wrong—humans have carried these feelings across generations. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a quick review to help more women find this conversation. What’s your “is it just me” moment you’re ready to reframe today?

Click the link below to set up a free discovery call to begin your transformation today.  Or email me @ smurph923.sm@gmail.com to find out more about how I can help.  

https://calendly.com/smurph923-sm/discovery-call

https://sharonkcoaching.com/

https://subscribepage.io/The-Five-Things-Your-Adult-Child-Needs-to-Hear-From-You

Transcript

Welcome And Review Request

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Hello and welcome to my podcast. My name is Sharon Murphy and I'm a certified life and mindset coach and I help women who seek to be happy and holy. Each week I'll bring you tools and insights to help you on your journey to the heights. I'm so glad you're here. Welcome to episode number 53. It's not just you. So before I dive into what I want to talk about today, I want to just take a quick moment and ask you, I want to ask you for a huge favor. So many of you have reached out and shared kind words about the podcast and you've expressed how you've enjoyed it or it's helped you in some way. And I cannot thank you enough for that. But I do want to ask you that if you could please, please take a moment and subscribe and leave a review on whatever platform it is that you listen on. It really helps me out in a very, very big way. And if you're not sure how to do that or how that all works, feel free to reach out to me. You can either leave a comment or email me and I can help you out, or ask one of your kids. I'm sure they will be able to walk you through it. Look at e split. For them, that's that's nothing. They're used to all this tech stuff. So otherwise, just reach out to me and I can help you out with that. It just is a big deal for me when I'm doing the podcast. It helps me out so much if you can actually just leave a review and to subscribe. So, all right, enough of that. Let's get to the good stuff. Well, I hope it's the good stuff anyway. Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, and she said something that stuck out to me. And it's something that I hear a lot. And in truth, I didn't really necessarily notice it at the time, but I woke up in the middle of the night and it just came to me the fact that that she said this. And this is usually what happens when I have an idea for a podcast topic. Somebody said to me, How do you think of things to come up with? And being 53 years old, I tend to be awake at three or four o'clock in the morning. And if you're my age, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It happens. But anyway, so this is when thoughts come to me about what I want to talk about. And it it just was something that I was like, you know what? It reminded me of the conversation I was having. And she said something to me, and she started out and she said, Is it just me? And then she finished her sentence with her question for me of what she was experiencing. We were just talking about something, and she said, Is it just me? And then she finished it. And it struck me, because like I said, it came to me, but it wasn't just the conversation I was having with my friend. It comes up a lot. I hear this a lot in circles of just people I'm talking to, but also people that I'm working with. And I think if you think about this, that you're gonna notice this in your own life, that you've heard it said by other people, or maybe you've said it and you said, Is it just me? You know, or is it cold in here? Is it just me or is that TV really loud right now? Is it just me? Or was that game really boring? Maybe it's some other flavor of that. Maybe it's am I the only one who thinks Taylor Swift is overrated? Am I the only one who wishes we could go back to no iPhones? Okay, sorry. Trying to throw a little humor in there. Maybe not. Maybe you don't think that's funny, but you know what I mean, right? And the thought is, is everyone else feeling the same way as I am, or am I the only one? Is really what they're asking. Is is everybody experience, is anybody else experiencing the same thoughts or going through the same thing I am, or feeling the same way I am? And I mentioned those light-hearted, you know, those topics that I just mentioned, you know, the TV, the being cold. But that, you know, those are pretty, those are pretty shallow things, whatever. They're not real heavy in our lives. But if we're being honest, we do this with things that weigh heavily on our hearts and big things that we're challenged with in our lives. So let's talk about those deeper things and why it is that we ask this. Now, I believe it's because we all have as human beings a desire to fit in, to not stand out. Now, I don't know the psychology of this and I've not done any research, but if you pay attention to children when they're really small, most often they want to stand out. They say things like, look at me, right? And then they do something really cute that gets everyone to laugh or applaud them, hopefully anyway. But either way, they want to stand out. They don't mind if they look a little different, they want to wear what they want to wear. You know what I'm talking when they're real small. And they like, they just like what they like and they like the attention. They don't care if they're not fitting in with other people. But as we grow, we lose this and naturally we move to a much stronger need and a desire to fit in, to be accepted, to belong, basically. And this is actually part of our DNA, and it's a good thing. We seek to belong to a community. But as we all know, this can present some major issues for us and our kids when, you know, the adolescent and teenage years come around. This is when we start to make decisions that don't align with what we really like or believe, and we start to compromise. We try and fit in. And this continues to varying degrees as we mature to adulthood. Now, hopefully, we discard what doesn't serve us in that arena and we move to a place of greater independence, greater self-knowledge and awareness and emotional maturity. And basically, we just hopefully become more comfortable in our own skin. And yet, we still have a deep, deep desire to know that we're not alone. That whatever it is we're going through, whatever we're feeling or experiencing, that it's not peculiar just to us, that someone else understands it, that someone else gets it, that we're not odd, that it's not just us. And basically that we're not alone. Now, as I started this episode, I mentioned some things that we might find ourselves saying without giving it much thought. But when it comes to the real deal of our lives, we want so badly to know that we're not alone wherever it is that we find ourselves. So here's a few examples of what women have shared with me that's gonna just drive this point, this point home a little bit. And I hear things like, is it just me? Or is anyone else struggling to set boundaries for their kids and their iPhones? Is it just me, or is our kids' sports schedules complete insanity these days? Is it just me, or is it like pulling teeth to get my teenager to go to church, talk to me, stop staring at their screen? Whatever, you can fill in the blank for that one. I've heard all flavors of that one. And then am I the only one who's not sad that my son's college break is just about over and he's gonna be leaving soon? Am I the only one who doesn't know how to control my kids, who can't get things figured out? Am I the only one who feels like the world is falling apart right now? And while these are just a few examples, I'm sure you can find something you've heard from family and friends or that likely you've even said. But my point in all of this is simply this. No, it's not just you. In fact, it's never just you. That's the whole point. It's never just you. Whatever it is you're experiencing, whatever you're feeling, whatever you're struggling with right now, this isn't unique to you. You're not a unicorn, you're not alone. And the reason that I want to touch on this today is because there's something really important to all of this. And why this is important is because when we think that we're alone or that something is unique to us and that other people have not experienced it, there's a few things that happen. And the first one is that we isolate. And we isolate the problem with this is that we don't share what we're struggling with. Therefore, we don't ever get the good advice from others who've already gone through this. We don't get to hear how, you know, what worked, what didn't work, what we can avoid. And we've lost a little bit of this in our time. There used to be, women used to mentor other women a little bit more. And I think that was a bigger thing at some point. And I'm kind of looking into this a little bit because I think this is such an interesting topic, and I think we need to get back to this. It could be super helpful in so many areas. But either way, when we don't open up, we think that this is just, we're the only one experiencing this. And we tend to go inward versus outward. And by outward, I mean sharing with others what we're experiencing or what we might be challenged with, which only, again, will provide safety and security in us knowing that we're not alone, but it also builds connection. And then also remembering that when we isolate, this is exactly where the enemy wants us. He wants us alone. Because he knows then we will let our thoughts spiral out of control and into negativity and despair, which is exactly where he wants to go. And all other sorts of, you know, worry, fear, right? Those are all desperation. Those are all things that happen when we are in isolation. When we start to share what's happening, we immediately feel some relief. And then other people can speak into us, into our lives. Now, the second reason this is important is because when we do this, our brains get hijacked. So, what do I mean by that? Well, when we feel like there's some sort of threat or problem that we can't solve or that's unique to us, we tend to we think this is just happening to us. And we spin in confusion. We seek to find answers, and yet instead of being able to use the logical parts of our brain, the part of our brain, we get stuck in with the question of like, what's wrong with me? Why is this happening? kind of thinking. Now, even if it's something as simple as, am I the only one who thinks it's hot in here? Right? Your brain's for that particular question, your brain's gonna go to work trying to answer why you stand out and why what you're experiencing is different from others. It's not answering the question of why is it hot in here? It's am I the only one who thinks it's hot in here? That question of am I the only one is really a question of, am I all, am I alone? And the brain's gonna give you an answer that sounds like yes, you are, and it's gonna find reasons for why you're alone in this. So when you spend your time trying to figure out if it's just you, you don't allow your brain to go to work to find creative helps or solutions to whatever it is you're challenged with. It's seeking the wrong answers, basically, or the wrong information. So, do you see how that works? The brain is then trying to, it's working to solve for has something gone wrong here? Is there something wrong with me? And like I said, the wrong, you know, has something gone wrong here? Basically, am I the only one? Which then makes us feel threatened because again, we aren't meant to be alone. We long to be in community, we're meant to be in community, we're meant to be understood, and we're meant for a relationship. That's the way we were created. And so while this isn't too much of a big deal when we're talking about, like I said, the temperature of the room or the volume of the TV or any of those other non-essential things that I just mentioned, it becomes much bigger concern when we start to question if we're all alone when it comes to our roles as parents or other significant things, ways we live out in our lives, other things that are more impactful and more meaningful to us. But the truth in all of this is that you're not alone. It's not just you, not ever. And so the next time that you begin to question, is it just me? Am I the only one? The short and long answer is nope, you're not. Every human experience has been experienced by someone else, and likely by many, many, many others. Today and throughout all of history, there's nothing wrong with you. You're not the only one who's struggling, you're not the only one who's tired, who's worried, confused, overwhelmed, frustrated, insecure. What am I suggesting? If you're not the only one, then what? Well, first of all, start by start by stop. That's what I'm gonna say here. Begin by stop even questioning that. Am I the only one? Or saying things like, is it just me? Don't offer that to your brain. Because your brain's gonna go looking for ways to solve for that and to answer. Don't give that question any more mental real estate in your brain. It's exhausting, it's isolating, and it only leads to emotions that don't serve you, like confusion, fear, overwhelm, self-doubt, worry. So rather in those moments, say, I know I'm not alone in this. And you can say that to yourself, but I know I'm not alone in this, or you can say it to somebody else. And that's the important thing. If you have a trusted friend, share what's on your heart. And if you're unsure if you have that friend, then pray for God to bring someone into your life who can be that person. So I want to stress this again. I bring this up because it's something that comes up again and again. And the first thing that I say when someone says to me, is it just me? Or I feel like sometimes when I'm coaching someone, they will specifically say, I feel like I'm the only one. They will express that when it's just in a one-on-one conversation. But I hear it in group settings, and I'm in a few different groups of women that we get together and talk about things, and I've heard it said multiple times. I'm I'm the only one who feels like, or I'm a I feel like I'm the only one who says this or does this or is struggling with this. In response to that, the first thing I want to offer is it's not you, not even close. It's not just you, is rather what I mean. It's not not even close. And take that thought off the table and out of your mind so that you can access the part of your brain that will help you problem solve and get creative about how to manage whatever it is that you're dealing with, no matter how big or small. Just stop asking that question. Is it just me or am I the only one? Now that may look like taking it to prayer, but from a place of prayer, when you take it to prayer, at least you'll be in a place of peace and surrender, which looks very different than because many times people will say, Well, I have prayed. Yeah, but you've gone there from a place of confusion and desperation. And that looks very different when you take it to prayer from a place of peace and surrender. That can make all the difference. And if I can stress one thing, it's that we're far more alike than we are different. I know we don't see that in our world today, but we really are. And the enemy seeks to isolate us, to make us think that it we're unique, that we're all alone in whatever it is we're dealing with, that somehow we're the only one that hasn't figured something out. And that's absolutely a lie. We have far more in common than we are different. And we have that while our struggle might be a little bit unique, there's certain things that are unique to each of us. The underlying threads are pretty much all the same. We experience the same tragedies, the same struggles, the same difficulties, the same insecurities, the same challenges. And we need to be a little bit more open about sharing that with other people. So I want to encourage you, everyone that's listening here today, let's continue to support one another on our journeys. And while I do want you to remember that you're not alone, of course, and that whatever you're struggling with, it's not unique to you. But I also want I want you to make it a point to be that trusted friend for someone that you know. Be the person who can speak into their life and let them know that nothing has gone wrong. Whatever it is they're going through, you've been there or are there now, or someone you know has been, or has been there before, or is there now. Share your story, share their story, share us' story. And that more importantly, God is with them. Thank you so much for listening today. And until next time, onward and upward, my friends, to the heights. Thanks so much for listening today. If you have any questions or would like to go deeper into this topic or how it affects you in your own life, you can find me at Sharon K Coaching.com. That's Sharon the Letterk Coaching.com. If you've enjoyed listening, please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite platform. And feel free to share with anyone you think might benefit from what you've heard.