To The Heights
Change your perspective to change your life.
To The Heights
#56 Your Nervous System Can Hijack Your Best Intentions
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
I talk about why we can feel “triggered” and react instantly in parenting and family conflict even when we’re determined to stay calm. I break down nervous system regulation so we can bring our thinking brain back online, lead with peace, and create safer connection at home.
• why our reactions can feel instant and out of our control
• how the nervous system scans for danger before we can think
• regulated state versus survival state in relationships
• fight responses like arguing lecturing defending and criticism
• flight responses like avoiding changing the subject and leaving
• freeze responses like going blank numb or overwhelmed
• fawn responses like people pleasing over apologizing and self abandonment
• the survival brain limbic system and prefrontal cortex working together
• why dysregulation takes the thinking brain offline
• how regulation helps us model steadiness for our kids at any age
• simple tools like box breathing grounding and pausing
• daily practices like walking prayer meditation and relaxing the body
• the spiritual link between inner regulation and receiving God’s peace
go ahead and click the link in the show notes and go ahead and grab that.
If you have any questions or would like to go deeper into this topic or how it affects you in your own life, you can find me at SharonKcoaching.com.
If you've enjoyed listening, please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite platform. And feel free to share with anyone you think might benefit from what you've heard.
https://subscribepage.io/The-Five-Things-Your-Adult-Child-Needs-to-Hear-From-You
Click the link below to set up a free discovery call to begin your transformation today. Or email me @ smurph923.sm@gmail.com to find out more about how I can help.
https://calendly.com/smurph923-sm/discovery-call
https://subscribepage.io/The-Five-Things-Your-Adult-Child-Needs-to-Hear-From-You
Welcome And Podcast Purpose
SPEAKER_00Hello and welcome to my podcast. My name is Sharon Murphy, and I'm a certified life and mindset coach, and I help women who seek to be happy and holy. Each week I'll bring you tools and insights to help you on your journey to the heights. I'm so glad you're here. Hello and welcome. If you're new here, I am so glad that you decided to join me. I don't know how you found me, but I'm I want to welcome you. If you're not new, then I want to welcome you back. I'm talking about something today that's very near and dear to me personally because it's been a big part of my own journey and my own experience, and it's something I've struggled with. And it's this the inability to control how I react. And what I mean by that is specifically when it comes to certain events or situations, especially in my parenting, but also in other family relationships and situations, I find myself reacting in ways that I don't want to. It's like I know that I shouldn't do this, and I feel myself triggered, and it sends me into a place of just reacting without being able to pause and consciously decide how I want to respond. We hear this, right? We know we're supposed to take some time, give ourselves a pause, and to respond in a way that, you know, we like we want to. Like I always talk about here. I kind of just like to say, like showing up like we want to. But often we find ourselves just in a reac reacting, and we feel like when it happens, it's like I I didn't even have the ability to think through it. It just was, it happened before we had any time to process it. It's almost like it's instantaneously. And so recently, this had come up, it was a discussion that I was having with an individual, and she was talking about the fact that she knew that every time she gets in these situations, and it was a situation with her daughter, her daughter brings up either politics or religion. And she said, you know, I knew, I promised myself I wasn't going to get upset. I promised myself I wasn't going to overreact or that I wasn't going to engage because they were in a situation where they didn't necessarily agree on the topics of politics and religion. She's like, but the moment that she made a comment about what was happening in the state of our country, she's like, I immediately felt myself kind of tight. And she goes, and I before I knew it, I was arguing again. And of course, like happens, she felt terrible afterwards. Kind of like, why do I keep doing this? I know better. I know I shouldn't engage with her. I knew this wasn't gonna go well. I don't know why I just didn't keep my mouth shut or whatever. And this is something that happens to so many of us. This isn't just unique to her. And so this is why I want to talk about this today, because you know how you want to show up. We know how we want to show up in the world. We know, we know the kind of people that we want to be. We want to be calm, we want to be loving, we want to be peaceful, we want to be considerate. We try and listen. But in certain moments, it's like we just don't have it, feels like that reaction and it just takes over. And you might notice things like your heart might race. You'll notice this typically afterwards. You know, your stomach might tighten, your voice kind of changes, it it becomes more pronounced, maybe a little bit harsher, maybe it gets a little higher. But either way, you find yourself reacting in ways that you never intended. And the reason that this happens is it's because of your nervous system. Like I said, I found this to be in my own experience. There were so many times in my life where I would say, you know, I'm just gonna walk away, or I'm just not gonna engage, or I'm not gonna, you know, and especially when my kids were younger, and I found myself just reacting when something happened. And it, I couldn't understand why I just couldn't control that, right? Like what prompted that? Why did that, why was that such a reaction? And that's why I want to talk today, because it it relates to our nervous systems. And I have to say that we hear a lot about this if you're paying attention at all in in the world and culture today. I don't know if you engage in online or in social media. So nervous system regulation is kind of a big topic. And I have to say that, you know, maybe even as as long as, you know, as recent as a year ago, I I had no idea what that even meant. When they would talk about nervous regulating your nervous system, I just didn't understand that. They talk about somatic practices and things like that. And I was like, I have, I don't even know what they're really referring to because it is something that has become new. Now it's probably not been new in a lot of circles, but it was new to me. So maybe it's new to you too. So we're gonna dive into this a little bit today and talk about why nervous system regulation is so important. I talk a lot about on this pa on this podcast about how our behaviors are driven by our thoughts, primarily, right? And so our thoughts are super important. And I I just talked about this in the last week's episode. But before our thinking brain even has a chance to respond, our nervous system has already scanned the environment for danger. It's constantly asking, Am I safe right now? That's its job, right? The nervous system is supposed to do that, it's supposed to keep us safe. The thing is, is when the nervous system senses threat, even an emotional threat, it activates a survival response. Where we fall into problems here is we start to think that we're having, you know, when we react, we feel like it's weak. We feel like we have a weakness, like we just can't handle it, we can't figure this out. But it isn't necessarily a weakness. This is actually biology. God designed our nervous systems to protect us. But sometimes it protects us in ways that they don't, it doesn't actually serve our relationships. And so this is so crucial because as I talk a lot about how our thinking impacts our feelings and our actions, you know, we find ourselves simply unable to access this part of our brain. We know we should be thinking things through, but we can't access that part. And the reason is because the role of our nervous system plays and how it interacts with our brain, and essentially our ability to think. So let's talk about this a little bit more. So let's talk about the nervous system. I want to talk a little bit more about how it works and how it functions. So there's two main parts of the nervous system. And very simply, this is gonna be a very high-level, high-level explanation here today, just to kind of bring you into some awareness as well. But here's the deal: there's so two primary states of our nervous system. First of all, a regulated or calm state. This is kind of self-explanatory, but this is when we feel safe, we feel open, we feel connected, and we're able to listen, we're able to think clearly. In this state, in this calm, regulated state, we respond thoughtfully, we are able to stay curious, we are emotionally present to what's happening. So this is the ideal, obviously, is what we'd like to be able to do in our relationships, especially. This is where we feel at peace. But then there's another part of our nervous system, the other state, and that is the survival state. And this is when our nervous system senses threat. When it senses threat, it activates survival patterns. And these include fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. And you may have heard of these before. So again, those four are fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. And these responses are automatic. They're not conscious choices that we make. We don't think them through and decide this is how we're gonna respond. Now, again, I want to just remind you when you're listening to me explain this, if you're like me, your mind immediately wants to think, well, I don't ever want to be in that state, right? I don't ever want to be in the survival state. But the reality is, again, it's meant to protect us, it's designed to help us and to keep us safe. So it has a purpose. But you're gonna find out why this becomes a problem in our lives. But first, I want to just talk about specifically these four survival responses, because this is what this is what's so important for us to understand when we're talking about being able to respond like we want. So the first one is fight, and that's just F-I-G-H-T, fight. And it's when our nervous system prepares to confront the threat, right? We want to meet it head-on. We want to challenge, just like it sounds. We're we want to fight, we want to be engaged. And what this looks like for us, specifically as mothers, but it can be when anybody, right? But this we see this a lot play out in our lives with our children, but it's also with our spouse. Uh, those closest to us is the way this usually presents itself. But it looks like arguing or correcting or lecturing or defending ourselves or raising our voice can be cut, it can look like becoming very critical. And so this is what happens when something feels like a can be a moral or relational threat. So the example I gave earlier when the woman was talking about the political or religious topics that her daughter and her so the woman already knew that they didn't agree on those topics. So when it came up, immediately her nervous system went into play and she sensed a moral threat, right? Or a relational threat. And so what happens is she started to engage. For that example, when, say you have an adult child that criticizes the church or criticizes specifically your political beliefs or alignment, you know, maybe not directly, but indirectly by what they say, immediately your nervous system hears something that there's a danger. There's a danger to your child's well-being because maybe they're challenging the church and that challenges your values. Or you see them as it's a challenge, you're it's a danger to their well-being, because you believe that their beliefs in this in the political realm or in whatever that might be is wrong. And so then you sense that as a danger or a threat to their well-being, whether that's spiritually or physically or emotionally, whatever that might be. And so then you engage in a fight. Now the next one is flight, and that's simply like taking off like an airplane, flight, f-l-I-G-H-T. And that is just simply like it sounds, that's the urge to escape. And that just looks like avoiding any difficult conversations. It's changing the subject, it might be physically leaving the room when certain things come up. But it what it means is basically just emotionally distancing yourself. And that can just be like, I don't want to talk about this, and you just avoid. And it seems it can appear sometimes to be a peaceful response. And maybe in some situations it is, because if what you're doing is avoiding the fight or any of the other inappropriate responses, you know, walking away is fine. But for the other person, if there's something that comes up and you just basically leave, they also feel that as a rift in the relationship or in that situation. So, and there's an importance to this because if we get into these flight patterns and we just constantly avoid or walk away, we're never engaging in good conversation or in things that need to happen. So, flight, while it seems like it might be a good response, it really isn't. Now the next one is freeze. And freeze is just simply when your nervous system shuts down. And that just looks like kind of going numb, being overwhelmed or mentally blank. You're kind of unable to respond. Have you ever been in situations like that where somebody is and they just don't seem to really give you anything? They just, you know, they I don't know what to say. And if it's happened to you, I know it's happened to me. This isn't my primarily one of the responses I have. For me, it's not a one of the most common ones, but it does happen and I realize that I I have nothing. Like people will say, What do you think? What do you? And I I don't even have a response. I can't think through it. It's like everything just went blank. And so this happens when an emotional intensity just feels way way too overwhelming. You're not able to access the part of your brain that can think and form a response. It's like there's just nothing there. So that's freeze. Now the next one is fawn. Now, this one is less talked about, but it's also really common. What that looks like is appeasing the other person so that you can maintain safety. So when that you feel a threat, what you start to do is you actually try and appease the other person just so that you can feel safe. This looks like agreeing when you don't actually agree with someone. It looks like maybe over-apologizing or trying to keep everyone happy. This is kind of a people-pleasing thing. And it's abandoning your own needs just to try and feel safe by making the other person feel comfortable or appeasing them. And so many women, especially mothers, we do develop strong fawn responses, especially in our in our kids, because if we've had that fight response and we've seen that not play out like we want, what happens is then we start to go the other way. And we think, okay, if we appease them, we feel a sense of peace, right? The other person doesn't seem as reactive or they don't seem as challenged. So we think we're doing a good thing. What that is, is basically just trying to keep peace, but not with the right intent, right? You're sacrificing yourself. You might be sacrificing your values, you might be sacrificing the good of the other members of your family. And it might work in the short term, but often learn long term, this is just going to lead to resentment on your part and exhaustion. And each of us tends to fall into one of these categories more than others. It's going to be like a default that we go to because it's just due to our personality traits and certain learned responses that we've had over time. But we may gravitate to all of these responses at different times and different circumstances in our lives. For example, you may tend to go into fight mode with your spouse, but maybe you go into fawn mode with your child, or maybe just one child, depending upon how they respond or the personality. Or maybe you've just learned that it's easier to avoid conflict because in your childhood this was approved of behavior. So you just tend to go into flight mode rather than address dangers head on. Those are survival responses. And again, they can help us in times when there is severe threat to us. But as you're going to see, that isn't always the case of what we're experiencing. How does this connect to our brain? When I talk about our thinking brain, how does this connect? So understanding the brain helps make sense of all of this. So very simply, we can think of three parts working together. There's the survival brain, that's the part of the brain. It's actually the brain stem. And this is the most primitive part of our brain. And this part of our brain controls breathing, it controls our heart rate, and it has our survival reflexes. So when a threat is detected, this area is the area that actually activates the flight, excuse me, the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Now, this is the big kicker here. This is the part of the brain that activates either the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn when a threat is detected, when it suspects danger, and it's a good thing. Like I said, it keeps us safe. But this was back at a time when we needed to survive from wild animals or other harsh elements in our life. And for all practical purposes, still today there are certain threats to our to our well-being from different different times, but they're very minimal, especially for us in the Western world right now. And so, depending upon your experience, you may have this may be activated more than it is for others, but it's such a small part, and it's only meant to be activated on very rare times. But unfortunately, our brain is not great at distinguishing what is actually a severe threat to us. It doesn't, it doesn't do a good job of understanding what is a severe what is actually a threat or if real danger and what is not, which what now leads us to is the second part of the brain, which is the limbic system or the emotional brain. So the first one was the brain stem, which is the one part of the brain, which is survival brain, and now we have the limbic system part of the brain, which is the emotional brain. And this is the area that processes our emotions. It helps us to read tone of voice, facial expression, and relational cues, which is super important in our relationships, right? This is why conflict with our children can feel intense. Our brain reads relational disconnection as danger. It's it reads this as danger. The limbic part of the brain is what's helping us to identify that there's something wrong here and it it reads it as danger. So rejection can be detected as a danger. Loneliness can be detected as a danger. So do you see why that's so important? So if our survival brain kicks in the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, whenever these things come up, whenever we sense or fear rejection or loneliness or you know, whatever that might be, whenever they come up and we don't know how to process this, we don't know how to process those emotions, we find ourselves stuck in those patterns of survival, which is fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. And we get stuck there for far too long or far too often. And so this is simply described in today's world, as I talk about, as nervous system dysregulation. When we're stuck in the survival part, the survival state, that's nervous system dysregulation. It's like I said, it's only supposed to be in certain times. And once it's activated, it gets us safe, and then we're supposed to move out of that. But when we sense these things as dangers, those emotional things, we stay there. The last part of the brain is the prefrontal cortex. And this is the thinking brain. This is where we reason, where we problem solve, where we regulate our emotions, where we make wise decisions. This is the area that we we want to be able to utilize when we're making our decisions. But again, this is the most important part here is the nervous system, when it's highly activated, this thinking part of our brain, the prefrontal cortex, it goes offline. It's actually not available to us. Which is why, as I talked about in the beginning, we say things like, I wish I had handled this differently. And it's because we can't access this part of our brain, the part of our brain that allows us to reason, to problem solve, to make wise decisions. So when our nervous system is highly activated, when we detect danger or a threat, again, which can be something as simple as rejection or loneliness or any of those other emotions that we have in our relationships or in our world, any type of any type of relational disconnection whatsoever can be perceived as a threat or a danger, among many other things. What happens is our thinking brain is offline and we can't access it. And this is why we react in ways we are in survival. And those four, four mechanisms of survival kick in. And so the reason this matters so much of us for us as women, as men, but also specifically again here as mothers, is because when as mothers we're dysregulated, we move into patterns that are we know are not helpful. We know this, when we have our thinking brain available to us, we know they're not helpful patterns. But when it's not available to us, we move into things like controlling, lecturing, fixing, worrying, overexplaining. But when we're able to access, when we're able to regulate our nervous systems and therefore utilize the thinking part of our brain, we can then access, you know, access patience, we can access curiosity, we can access compassion, we can access emotional steadiness and wisdom. And our kids will feel that difference. It doesn't matter how old they are, it doesn't matter if they're young, if they're teenagers, or if they're adults, they will feel that difference. So a regulated nervous system is incredibly powerful. It has the power to impact our ability to reason, to handle situations and conversations as we want. Because again, if our nervous system isn't regulated, we can't access the thinking part of our brain that helps us to reason and think logically. One of the things that I want to just point out is we know this as mothers, we are modeling everything to our children. And so when we're emotionally regulated, we're modeling for our children what it looks like to be able to be emotionally regulated. We're modeling for them what that looks like. And again, boy, I wish I had known this so many years ago when my kids were younger. But it doesn't, whether your kids are young right now or they're old or they're anywhere in between, it's still so important to learn this. It's so impactful to our families and to our roles as mothers. So now that you know the importance of the nervous system regulation, let's just talk about techniques you can use. How do you do this? Because it doesn't matter if you don't know how to implement it. Well, the good news is this your nervous system, just like everything else that I talk about, it can be trained. You can adopt certain practices that become a natural part of your life. And as always, it will take practice. It will, just like everything else. But the impact is so powerful. So I'm gonna cover just a few things that you can use, but there's a lot of resources out there. If you really want to dive into this, you can just Google nervous system regulation practices or whatever. You're gonna find a lot of helpful things. But here's just a few that you can try and implement. So the first one is slow breathing. Slow your breathing. So slow breathing singles safety to your nervous system. And so there's different breathing techniques out there. There's books written on it, but one of them that I like is called box breathing. And you breathe in for four seconds, take a deep breath in for four seconds through your nose, hold that for four seconds, and then you exhale deeply for four seconds. I sometimes do it for a little longer through my mouth, and then you hold that once you've exhaled, and then you just repeat. But you can also do things I know where you can inhale, say for four seconds or something like that, and then exhale and make sure you get rid of it. And it could be a longer, it could be eight seconds or ten seconds, it could be double, whatever that might be. Because the longer the exhale, it does help to calm the nervous system. So you can do this quietly, even during conversations that you might start to find yourself. If somebody brings something up that you know is something that's going to be a little bit of a trigger for you immediately, if you can train yourself to just start that breathing. And then what happens is you're focusing even on the breathing. So it takes your mind off of. How you want to respond. But I actually try and implement that in the morning or just different times throughout my day to help nerve regulate my nervous system because I'm somebody that I tend to get extremely anxious and kind of just go into like, I don't know, hyper mode of like, I got all these things to do, and I just I have a hard time focusing. And so when I can stop and breathe, I find breathing to be one of the most helpful techniques for me. The next one is grounding. And this is just basically bringing an attention to the present moment. This too can be kind of a powerful thing. I wasn't aware of this, but I did practice this a few times and I really did like it. So this can just be very becoming very conscious or conscious or aware of your body and where you're at and what's happening right in this very moment. It's grounding yourself to the present moment, is really what it means. And you can be noticing your feet on the floor, paying, bringing your attention to your feet, what that feels like. It can be like paying attention to your hands, the room around you, like focusing on something. This just pulls the nervous system out of a threat mode. It takes your focus off of that and it takes you out of the threatening mode. Another one is pausing before responding. Instead of reacting immediately, is just learning to say something like, Let me think about that. Now I have to say this, it's a good idea, but I find this one the most difficult to employ. And maybe it's because I just don't understand exactly how to how to implement it like I should. You know, in my own life, what I was trying to do was to implement a pause, but I struggled to do that. But again, it maybe I just didn't work on training myself. If you can pause and give your nervous system time to settle and to do maybe, maybe just pausing and then taking a break and then doing the breathing or some of the other things. What you can do is bring your thinking brain back online. It helps to re-engage it. Now, one of the things too is just regulating before those challenging things happen. Regulating yourself as part of your daily practice. Like I said, that's what I try and do several times throughout the day because we don't know when those conversations or things are going to come up. Maybe you know if you have a family gathering or if you have some event you're going to, you may anticipate that there might be some difficult things or conversations or some things that are triggering to you, but sometimes we're not aware of it. They kind of come at us and we're not even prepared. So learning to regulate your nervous system as part of your daily practice, I think is really, really important. And as we know the way our brains work, the more we fall into these, we practice these habits or these patterns, they become our default. We just fall into these when we are triggered. So some of those can look things just like, you know, taking a walk. Obviously, praying and meditating is really, really important. Breathing slowly, just learning to relax your body, even just sitting in a chair for five minutes and just relaxing every muscle in your body. If you're somebody that struggles with tension in different areas of your body, that can be really helpful. And like I said, if you want to learn more about this topic or look more into the practices, you can go ahead and just Google nervous system regulation and you'll find a lot of things. I know there's a book that I'm currently in the middle of reading and I've heard it recommended so highly. Every time you look up this topic, it's one of the top ones, and it's The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Vanderkoek. And, you know, it dives into brain, mind, and body and the healing of trauma. It's it's a great book, but it talks about ways to regulate your nervous system. I've shared briefly and on a very high-level overview how the nervous system and the different parts of your brain, how they work together, and how this can sometimes hinder our ability to employ our thinking brain, right, so that we can respond like we want to. And that's really the whole point. Of when I talk about mindset work, it's about how we want to show up, you know, show up as we want in the world. Well, if we're not able to employ the thinking part of our brain, and we're not able to use our thoughts and to manage those, then it doesn't mean anything. So the nervous system is really, really crucial as the foundation to all of this. I also want to say, in case you're somebody that's wondering, there's a spiritual component to this as well. When we talk about our nervous system regulation and about managing your mind, right? Scripture, it speaks often about peace and about self-mastery. Now, Saint Paul specifically writes about the fruits of the spirit. And some of them, just a few of them being patience, gentleness, self-control, peace. And we all want this, right? This is what we want. We want peace, gentleness, self-control, peace, patience, excuse me, among all the other things. And we pray for these things, right? But as I've said, we find ourselves in situations where all of a sudden we don't know how to, we don't know how to to even access that. Now, those are not simply personality traits. And yes, they are definitely gifts of the Holy Spirit. That's why prayer is such an important part of regulating the nervous system, but it's also employing the other parts of the body. And that's why breathing, when we go into prayer, it's really important to do the breathing part and everything else, because that does make a difference. And we'll say, you know, sit on the sit in a chair and have your feet firmly planted on the ground. Those can all, because it does, our nervous system is part of our body and they're all they're all one unit. Our spiritual being, our physical being, these states of patience, the gentleness and the other ones I mentioned, they're internally regulated, but they're also spiritual grounding. And so, in order for us to be open to all that God wants to give us spiritually, it's necessary for us to be internally regulated. It's necessary for us to have regulation of our nervous system so that we can receive what God wants to give us. And I talked about this in the last couple episodes as well. But we can't show up for our prayer time if we're dysregulated and expect God's going to speak to us, or rather, for us to even be able to hear him. So even regulating our nervous system opens us up spiritually to receive what God wants for us. And so, again, that's why sometimes when we talk about having a prayer experience, we invite people to take a deep breath or a few deep breaths before we enter into prayer. That's just a small way of regulating our nervous system. Okay, so to wrap up, so many of us as women, our main goal is to try and figure out how to guide our children, how to direct them to be good, responsible adults. And what we really are working to do is to try and help manage their behaviors and their actions, and we work on that, and that's important, especially as they're younger. But what's really important and the the better work is for us to learn how to manage ourselves. We're modeling for our children all the time what it looks like to be emotionally regulated, to be spiritually firm, to be a person of faith, to be someone that's grounded, to be steady. And if we can't do that in our own lives, it's very difficult for us to try and help our children do this. Because the most important and the most powerful influence that you can bring to your family, it's not about giving them all the facts. It's not about giving them details or explaining or giving them information. It's about bringing peace to your home. It's about connecting deeply with those you love. We can't do that. We can't bring peace, we can't bring steadiness, we can't bring safety, we can't bring a deeper connection in our relationships if we don't even know how to emotionally regulate ourselves, if we keep reacting in ways that that challenge those relationships, that don't provide a pay place for them to, our kids or our family members, to come to us and to feel comfortable talking to us about things. And so that peace that we want to bring to our homes, yes, there's a spiritual foundation to it. And yes, we need to invite the Holy Spirit to provide that for us. Uh but it's super important that you begin to understand the role that your nervous system plays in this. And when we as mothers learn to regulate our nervous systems, we stop reacting from a place of fear, which is really what drives a lot of the inappropriate or the unwanted behaviors and reactions. It's it's a place of fear. And then we start to lead with peace, we start to connect more deeply with our loved ones, with our children and our family members. And it ultimately leads to what we really ideally are looking for, which is to create more influence in the lives of the people we love. That's really what we're desiring is to influence them in a positive way. And that influence only happens when we learn how to manage our minds, to manage our own emotions, to be filled with peace, to come from a place of peace, to learn how to connect more deeply with those that we love. And then naturally, that influence is just a byproduct of that. That's just what flows from those two things. Now, I mentioned a few episodes ago that I have a free guide, and it's the five things your adult child needs to hear from you. I apologize, a few of you have reached out to me, you weren't able to access it. I had a problem with the link and there were some technical issues. And so I did include a link that should work now in the show notes that you can grab that. It's a guide, the five things your adult child needs to hear from you. And I think you're gonna find it really, really valuable. So if that sounds like something you or someone you know would be interested in, go ahead and click the link in the show notes and go ahead and grab that. So I want to thank you so much for joining me today. I really enjoy this topic, and I think I'm probably gonna be diving into this more down the road, especially with one of the guests that I'm gonna be having on. Uh, she works in this area, and it's it's just uh she's I've learned a lot from her as well and the importance of this. But with that, I just want to say thank you for tuning in. Thank you for joining me today. I hope that there's something that you can take away from this and yet you can learn how to control and regulate your nervous system, or just to begin that process to at least become aware of what you can do. And as always, until next time, onward and upward, my friends, to the heights. Thanks so much for listening today. If you have any questions or would like to go deeper into this topic or how it affects you in your own life, you can find me at SharonKcoaching.com. That's Sharon the Letterk Coaching.com. If you've enjoyed listening, please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite platform. And feel free to share with anyone you think might benefit from what you've heard.