The Hidden Cost of Endurance Training No One Talks About | Coach’s Corner

Endurance training requires commitment, structure, and consistency.
But what often gets overlooked is the cost outside of training.

In this Coach’s Corner episode, we step away from workouts and performance metrics to talk about something every endurance athlete experiences—but rarely addresses directly: the impact training has on relationships, family, and daily life.

From long training hours and accumulated fatigue to shifting priorities and communication breakdowns, endurance sports can create tension if they’re not managed intentionally.

This conversation is not about eliminating those challenges—it’s about recognizing them and learning how to navigate them without sacrificing the people and relationships that matter most.

If you’re pursuing big goals while trying to balance work, family, and life, this episode will help you take a step back and evaluate how everything fits together.

Topics Covered:

•  The time demands of endurance training 
•  How training affects relationships and family life 
•  The role of communication and shared expectations 
•  Balancing personal goals with real-life responsibilities 
•  When training starts to take more than it gives

If this episode resonates, share it with someone who understands the balance you’re trying to manage. 

Timestamps:

00:11 – Introduction: Training and relationships
02:07 – Type A athletes and relationship challenges
04:14 – Training focus vs home life
06:41 – Long training hours and recovery impact
08:56 – Planning training around relationship needs

11:07 – Involving your partner in decisions
13:03 – Communicating expectations and sacrifices
16:19 – Managing training load with family commitments

19:38 – Mental health and household dynamics
22:42 – The role of vulnerability and honest conversations
27:13 – When training becomes unsustainable

30:31 – Parenting and prioritizing quality time
34:37 – Financial and logistical challenges
39:58 – Supporting your family during race season

43:44 – Recognizing stress and overtraining signals
47:27 – Turning races into shared experiences
50:45 – Adjusting race schedules for better balance

55:23 – Training as life vs life supporting training
1:00:49 – Self-awareness: monitoring stress and mood
1:05:03 – Final thoughts: your journey impacts others

For coaching inquiries:

Coach Katie → https://fuel2run.com

Coach Justin → https://tabularasaracing.com

Podcast Email → theenduranceathletejourney@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Welcome everyone to the Endurance Athlete Journey Podcast. I'm your host, Coach Justin. I'm here with Coach Katie. And this is episode 79. And today we're going to be talking about endurance training and relationships. So we've had some content heavy episodes lately. And when we're recording this, we still have a couple episodes that are in the bank that are still to come out. And so I really kind of wanted to soften the conversation a little bit, maybe get a little bit more vulnerable. And so this is going to be a coach's corner type of episode.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

And it's going to be vulnerable. I think we already started off the colour.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

I'm not quite sure how to how to introduce this thing.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

Well, before we even started, we started diving in and I'm like, I feel like we need to start the episode because some of this is pretty raw, you know, and vulnerable already. So uh but we're gonna yeah, we're gonna talk about kind of balancing like relationships and um how to how endurance training can sometimes be a challenge, a challenging part of a relationship, especially if one person is really in. I think it's probably challenging also if two both partners are really into endurance sports, and maybe when you add kids it's even harder. But it's probably really hard, I think, when one person is very into it and the other isn't. You know, and that make and then there's that trying to be understanding of the partner who isn't, you know, trying to understand the role of endurance sports and how much time it takes a challenge. So I think that's you know, and we'll kind of talk about um both of our experiences too, and that's where it's gonna get a little bit vulnerable, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Yeah, I I wanted to I wanted to frame this conversation in terms of how do endurance athletes who tend to be more a-type personalities than than most, uh I don't know if there's a selection bias that's there, but um given that I think both of us are typo like a-type personalities, and I know that this is something that I have uh I don't want to say struggled with, but I have had to encounter over you know a decade of being in this sport and trying to manage important relationships, whether that's with a spouse or significant other or children, if you if you're not in a relationship, you know, if you want to foster relationships with friends and things, how do you manage the the relationships in your life and still commit the time and structure that's needed in order to pursue your goals in endurance sports? And I I will say that as you progress from short, shorter races to longer races, the training grows with it. And in that growth requires a specific skill set and how to manage that training volume so that it doesn't impact those important relationships in your life because the people that go with you, they endure the training just like you do. And this is something that that's common that I talk with my athletes about is when I sit down with a potential athlete, I sit down with their spouse as well, and as this and with a significant other. And it may not be the first conversation that we have. Sometimes I'll just meet one-on-one with the prospective athlete. And then, based on the end of that conversation, I say, if this is something that you want to go forward with, I want to bring your significant other into the conversation because I want this to be an open area of discussion to where everybody at the table knows what they're getting into. And, you know, the support system is just as important as anything else. I mean, these these people they make sacrifices, they they lose time together with you, you know, like downtime and you know, date nights and things like that. You know, I think that this is important. And it's something that I'll clearly be honest with. I I've struggled over the years and in relationships and and trying to manage what I tend to have as like tunnel focus. So if I have a race that's on, you know, if there's something that I'm focused on, a lot of other things tend to go by the wayside. And it's not and it's not on purpose. It's not like I I set out to, you know, purposefully do that, but it's just kind of like what happens. And it's something that, you know, my wife and I, you know, have had conversations lately because of it. And so that's it's through these conversations that I've had with my wife, and you know, kind of the the new scenario that we're kind of operating under is what spurred this idea on bringing this to the podcast. Uh, because I do think it it's relevant and it's important. So let's kind of let's let's start off and let's progress this to where we talk about what what are the demands for endurance training. And I know that the the demands are going to be unique to the distance in which you're training for.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Right.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

That's that's clearly an obvious thing.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

But I think too, for the longer you go or the more you're doing. So like triathlon, I think is very notorious for kind of having these issues because of the three sports, and then the time, especially if you're like, I want to do an Iron Man or something, the time it takes, it's not just running, it's like the three disciplines. And I I definitely think some of these issues can happen. It's not like it doesn't happen in other sports. I think maybe the other one, I guess, with running would probably be like ultra marathon distances where someone might be like, I was thinking when I was training, there was runs I would do that were like six hours long, you know, and I'm just gone all day, you know, just running, you know. So it's like, you know, that's where it's probably bec becomes more of an issue when you're spending, you know, six, seven, you know, I don't know, maybe eight hours on a weekend the entire day training, you know, your entire weekend, plus you're then tired the rest of the weekend and you don't want to go out, or you have to get up early and train. Like my Sunday long runs. I never I will really like to do things, anything crazy on Saturday night, you know, because I have to get up early and do a run a run, you know, pretty early. It, you know, it does take a toll, I think, but the longer you go, the more the more time it takes, the more time it takes away from other things.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

So Yeah, so so I would say with I would agree with you that that trathlon I think is a is a unique beast in terms of you're you're trying to to master three disciplines within one one sport. So I think that that presents a unique wrinkle or something that you have to manage. I mean, is it was common when I was training for full course, like full Iron Man, to do you know six and seven hour bike rides on a Saturday and then turn right around and do, you know, a two-hour, two hour and fifteen minute long run the next day. And so trying to recover from that kind of activity is really, really hard. And you have to be purposeful about it. And if you have a significant other or a spouse who likes to be active and social, that can that can cause some tension within the relationship because you know you're exhausted. Yeah, you don't want to. I don't I don't care who you are. If if you just knocked out a six-hour bike ride and you just you know rolled out a hundred miles on the bike, which is common during you know full course training, right? There there's going to be some recovery that's needed.

SPEAKER_01 7:25

Yeah, and if you go out, if you try to go out, you're gonna be like all the time.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

You're trying to work with your spouse and say, okay, yeah, I I want to do date night because you know that it's important for the health of your relationship as well as it's something that they want to do. So you don't want them to feel like they're constantly having to sacrifice and you know, that they can't do what it is that they would like to do. And if that's going out, you know, for dinner or going out to a movie or whatever, you don't want to make them sacrifice that because they're already sacrificing enough. And so it's really hard. On the athlete side, it's like, okay, now I've got to I've got to muster up the energy to be able to do this and not look like I'm like dragging and you know that I don't want to be there because that's something that that I've actually struggled with, where it's like, okay, I've got I gotta pull myself together and do this, but it looks like I'm just like the walking dead that's going in that's going out. And so it I think that you know that type of dynamic can create tension within the relationship. And so I I think it's important that you either discuss that dynamic with your partner uh and say, you know, hey, can we come to a compromise and say, you know, for the next, let's say if you're following, you know, a 16-week plan and you know, the last eight weeks are kind of like the peak stuff, and you're just like less we'll still be active during the front half of this training plan, but I I really would like to do well on this race, and I'm I'm I'm willing to sacrifice it, put my body on the line to do this. Are you willing to let's say sacrifice you know date night for the next eight weeks? We'll do like stay-at-home date nights and you know, dinner in a movie kind of thing to where we're still spending some quality time together. But you know, the act of going out is is still I mean it's challenging for me. I I don't know if it's challenging for everybody else, but it takes a lot of of internal energy for me to to go.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

So it depends on what like the circumstances were. Like if it was just to go out to eat and maybe chill, uh maybe as long as we weren't out super late. But if it was involved like social, being social, I think that's where I struggle. Because it's like when I'm really tired and I'm sort of more of an introvert anyway. So the energy it takes me to be socializing, it takes a lot out of me. You know, I don't I like to be social, I like people, but for me, trying to muster up the energy to go out and do like a party, like a you know, adult party, I guess, or there's some some other people involved. I'm always like, I'm already sort of burnt out from the training, and then that's just like doesn't fill my cup. It kind of empties my cup a little bit, like to be honest, to be like around a lot of people. So then I just feel even more depleted, you know? So it really depends on the situation. Where some people who are maybe training like that, they're also very social. So maybe they're that like fills up their cup and they've they deal with it fine. I don't know, you know. I think it's probably individual, but I do think it it is. I think for most people they can kind of relate though. I mean, after like a really long ride, no matter how social you are, you're still gonna be pretty tired. It it still might be a lot, especially if you have to get up again and do another workout or something the next day because you're training for an Iron Man. So then you have to do like a long run the next day or something, then it's a little bit more challenging. I think that's probably why I would recommend, yeah, I definitely think if you want to pursue something like this, like or something that's gonna involve a lot of time training to have discussions with your spouse. Like, don't sort of be like, I'm doing this, and and not sort of bring them into the conversation because I think that's a problem, obviously, because the most relationships are conversations, communication are key. So definitely bringing the spouse in and kind of like you do. Like, I think that's great that you with your coaching clients that you do that. I don't think many coaches made me do that and they're just focused on the person they're talking to and they don't think about the side of having this the spouse as part of the conversation. So I think that's great. A lot of the athletes I train so far have are run like for running, haven't have had spouses, but they're or they're trying not training for anything substantial. So I don't always I ask those questions about, you know, making sure they're telling me if they need to have a specific night, you know, for date night, or like I try to bring that in, but I haven't because I don't coach anyone that's doing anything like an Iron Man or something like that involves a lot of time. Um, it's not something where I brought the spouse in, but I do love that idea of like bringing that person in. I think that's great because I think it has to be part of the conversation. And that other thing too is I feel like um it can be it's easier for the spouse or the re the partner to make um those sacrifices if you are like, I'm doing this one Iron Man this year, you know, I'm gonna really train for this. I'm doing one. But I think the when it becomes this like perpetual, you know, I'm someone's always training for something and they're not or that's fine if they're always training for something, but to be perpetually training for a marathon, or you're you finish one and you're going right into the training for another and it's taking up so much of your time all of the time. I think that's a problem, in my opinion. I think that's why I cho generally choose to do like one marathon a year. Like even this year, I've already sort of decided I I maybe depending on how I do with grandmas, I might do another one, but it's such a sacrifice that I probably won't. And if I do, it's gonna be at the very, very end of the year. So I don't have, you know, to have to go right into another training cycle. I have some time to have some freedom in my tr in my um calendar to be able to then do more things with my son and my husband. And I'm not then training and taking all this time up with my training for the marathon all the time. And so when I do start, so now it's starting to ramp up with the long runs, and that's probably where the biggest the issue is the long runs and then the double days where I have to train not only in the morning, but then I'm training in the afternoon, and so I'm taking time in the afternoon to go run. That's hard. And so I have to have that conversation, and that's really starting up in April, it's probably where it's really gonna be half like the biggest trading blocks for me, April and May. But really, it's only like two to two and a half months. So it's just having that conversation of like this is when I'm gonna be really ramping up my volume. This is what I'm gonna be tired on Sunday. I'm probably not gonna be able to run around with, you know, my son and play tag, you know, on those after a 20 mile, or I'm gonna wanna be like sitting down, you know. So it's having those conversations with the my family, but I'm not doing that in perpetuity where I'm like always, you know, always taking, always training for this long races and always taking that time. It's it's like a give and take. And I think if I'm having that conversation and they kind of know that maybe, especially my husband, that maybe there'll be certain times that he might have to hang out with Theo more or that I might not be as much of a fun mom because I'm tired.

unknown 14:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

May only be that time of the year, and then the rest of the year, you know, most of the rest of the year I'm then doing 5K training, or you know, maybe my long runs are not long or longer than 12 miles, and so it only takes me a couple hours, you know. So yeah, that's kind of where how I think, you know, I'm not saying that I r you have to do it that way, but I just think you have to kind of think about, you know, maybe the way you're tr training what you're training for and trying to be careful not to overbook your training schedule, you know, or your um race schedule so that that's all you're ever doing, you know? That makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

Yeah, one of one of the things that I kind of struggle with right now in my training plan is, you know, I'm not training for any long races. They're they're fairly short races that I have on the books. And I think I think the reason that kind of God gave me the experience that I had with Iron Man Florida, you know, back in December was, you know, to really kind of check me because I I love training and I love I love the sport and I I I love you know every aspect of it because it's been part of me for so long. And I've always been of the mindset like I'm not I'm not gonna stop, I'm not gonna stop. I I love this, and you know, this is this is me. But I've this year in particular, as I'm kind of like ramping up the business and you know, there's a lot more demands on my time with that. I've kind of lost the desire to race right now. And I I think that I'm actually kind of regretting signing up for the two races that I do have on the plan because I signed up for them before I did Florida, you know. I was like Black Friday kind of like discount registration. So I was like, I I did these races last year, I really liked them. Let me go ahead and sign up. Yeah, and then I did Florida and I was like, I really don't want to do those races, but I'm not the kind of person that's gonna sign up and just not do it.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

So um, you know, but but right now the way that you can't transfer the race entry.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

I mean, I I don't know if I could, but I would feel bad internally because there's no valid reason why I can't do them. It's not like I'm hurt or anything like that. So uh I'm healthy enough to race. So, you know, deferring it just because I'm busy, to me, that's just I don't know. I'd have a hard time doing that.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

I feel like people are busy all the time and they can't train.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

Well, if they're not gonna race because they're busy, then nobody would ever race because we're all busy. So I guess uh one of the things that I'm kind of struggling with now is just the structure of my plan. And you know, I've got the aerobic side of it and I've got the strength side, and so there's practically I think four four out of the seven days. I have evening, evening workouts, and morning workouts. So I have two a days, four days out of the seven days, and so that's hard. That is hard, and it's hard on the relationship as well, because you know, I'm I'm gone in the morning and then I'm gone again in the evening. And so when my wife comes home, she likes to, you know, she of course wants to spend time with me, but I'm you know, I'm at the gym, you know, doing a workout in the evening where we would normally be spending time together. And then by the time I get home, you know, these strength sessions are pretty challenging, and so they take a while to get through, and then you know, it's pretty late, and you know, it's to be honest with you, it it's getting hard right now. And and I don't want it to impact my relationship because I've seen what it does in previous relationships that I've had. And so, I mean, I'll be I'll be honest with everybody and completely vulnerable. You know, I've been married multiple times before, and you know, they just they just weren't healthy relationships. And, you know, this one is you know, the one that I have with my wife is a really healthy relationship. We did it right, and so I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that, and I don't want past behaviors to kind of creep in into this relationship because I know what kind of toxicity it starts to inject, and I know that my training is one of those things that can inject uh some tension and toxicity into the relationship simply because of my personality. I'm a very much an A-type personality, I'm very much check the box kind of person. I I focus on like one thing at a time. I have a hard time multitasking. And so when I'm when I'm focused on one thing, that's the one thing that I'm doing. And I that's why I get this tunnel vision. And so when typically I have a race on on the schedule and what I'm training for, that's that's the way that I behave. It's not something that I really particularly like about myself because I I wish I could I wish I could be that kind of person that would that doesn't just get sucked in and let it consume you.

SPEAKER_01 19:08

But I am I don't know if I have any like as you know, as we've said before, neither of us are psychologists. So I don't it's like hard for me if I to think of like, oh well if you just do it if you just do this, or you know, I feel like maybe um I think that's a really good trait to be able to be like so focused on something to you know, I think you know, the type A, I mean there the obviously that type A personality can also be not such a good trait trait, you know, but I think it but it is hard when you're so focused on a goal and wanting to achieve something to let go or to have other things you're focusing on or to like let go and sometimes let go of something, you know, in order to like bal find that balance or realize like okay, I can't do whether it's doing all the strength that you're doing, or something has to give. Like it's sometimes hard when you think, because I think there's that mentality if I give this thing up or I reduce the amount of the strength training I'm doing, or just kind of maybe make this a little bit more efficient somehow, or do I really need to do all of this? You know, like is there a way to make it more streamlined? So you only need to do three days? I don't know, but I think sometimes we get sort of stuck in the like this this fear of like if I do that, then I'm not gonna first achieve my goal because you know more is better. Perfect. You know what I mean? Like, and I think that's sometimes the the issue. Or even on the conversation maybe with your strength coach person that does that. Like, is there a way, you know, I'm having this struggle? This is four days, I'm not a strength athlete, you know. Is there a way to make this more efficient because this is becoming an issue, you know? So it's hard though, because I think I I'm always thinking of, oh, I should be doing this, or you know what I'm like, and it's always like I need to be adding more, otherwise, or if I don't do something, I'm not getting the benefit of that. And I'm thinking like recently I've kind of not been good at as good about the strength and like I've wanted to add plyometrics in again, and I haven't done that. And you know, that's that worry, that fear that like if you take something out or you reduce it, you're you're missing out, you know, or something. Like that you're not gonna get the most, or you're not gonna get to your goal. And I think that that gets in our way. That can really get in our way. And there's often ways to streamline things that you can get even more out of it for less. Like that's something I've toiled with a lot. Obviously, there's only to a certain point, you're not gonna be able to cut corners, but sometimes there are more efficient ways of doing things. And sometimes we, as endurance athletes, I do think we do a lot of stuff that we do like, oh, I need more volume. So we just do, I kind of fell into that trap a little bit with my last marathon. I was like adding on these double days to get more training in. And I think that actually maybe harmed me because I was just running for the sake of running extra for no real reason, other than because I wanted to hit 75. Miles that week, you know? More volume is better, but if it's not allowing you to recover well for your really key workouts, or you're not, you know, it it's hard sometimes to know where that line is, you know. I think that's one of the things I thought too for this marathon cycle is like you're kind of like cutting out the things that you don't really need. I'm just focusing on what's really important in the training. I don't, you know, I don't know what the answer is for you, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

I don't I don't think any of us have have answers this, but I mean I I I think it's it's definitely worth talking about, even if it's just just the vulnerability part of it. So if somebody else is listening and they're just like, yeah, I totally I can totally relate to that, then I mean we may we may not come to a conclusion on how to fix it. If you know if if if you at least know that there's other people out there that kind of struggle with the same thing, then that's kind of progress, I think, to a certain extent. So um, I mean, we're definitely we're not here to like fix relationships. That's not what we're using.

SPEAKER_01 22:59

We're just here to kind of talk about our own struggles, kind of bring this up as a topic because I know I I think this is a I think this is a topic that a lot of people, at least endurance athletes, struggle with, but maybe don't bring up a lot to their friends, or maybe they do, but they don't talk about it in the running, you know, on their running group chats, or you know what I mean, or they're like they're out on a long run. This isn't something I generally bring up, even with the some of my friends that I do my long runs with. I don't want it to seem like I don't have like a I don't know, like I'm struggling, you know, relationship struggles I think are a tender subject sometimes, or so it's hard to bring this up. And I think, but I do think a lot of people kind of experience it in one way or another, maybe not to a severe degree, but I think there's often some sort of tension, you know, at some point in someone's training. Um and so I think most people can relate in that sense. And then I think when my in my experience it's then bringing in the children bringing in the the young children, especially into the equation, and that is where it gets really challenging, at least for for me. Yeah. Because you don't have like the freedom anymore generally to do the training. You're kind of balancing, okay, who's taking care of the kids, you know. So you don't there's less time and flexibility in that in itself, so it gets a little bit more challenging. But I don't know. I don't know if we want to go down that down that road at this point, or if we want to come.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

I mean we all I mean, if if you're in multi-sport, you you should have probably heard by now of like you know the Iron Man divorce. I mean, it is it's something that we've obviously seen. It's not it's not all that great, but I mean it is out there and it it's it's I don't want to say maybe it's common, but it's a it doesn't work.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

It's a word. I mean people it's like a theme, right? So it must happen. Do you remember like way back in the beginning or like at some point when we started these podcasts I brought up, I brought up that I read that book, The Iron Dad. I like listened to that.

SPEAKER_00 25:01

That guy always he he he's in my brain that you know when you when you brought up that that that story.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Read it if you're curious. That one. I felt like I cringed a lot because of some of the the imbalances he had in his life with especially with like three children and his wife, uh what his wife had to endure did make me cringe a little bit. And I know that, but I feel like I was seeing it not from his perspective, I was seeing it from her perspective as a female, as a as a mom with kids, because I was actually identified more with that piece than I was like his piece of wanting to do these Iron Mans. And so I think that's where I was like, oh my gosh, like she is an angel. I don't know. I mean, I it's probably the you know, probably it's hard because I'm thinking to myself, well, my husband has says has said this to me before when I've been upset because he's been working on something late or doing something, you know, in the shop working on his truck trucks and things because that's what he likes to do. That's his kind of hobby. Is like, well, at least I'm not out at the bars drinking, you know. So I'm like, I guess there's telling better things. Like an Iron Man is maybe a better thing. I I mean, at least you're not, you know, I don't know. Like, so I I I have had him say that. I'm like, so I I don't know. I'm trying to not like be I I I just like I don't want to be like judgmental either. I guess I'm kind of coming at this and it's sounding like that. I'm kind of judgmental of this iron dad. I don't know who I can't remember the name of the person that wrote the gentleman who wrote the book, but um it did bring up some tension for me, some uncomfortable feelings, let's just put it that way, like of what he was doing and like some some of the things he was talking about with his family. It just it did bring some uncomfortable feelings for me.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

I'll be I'll be honest with you. I I was judgmenting, I was judging the guy. So I'll be I'll be honest.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

Okay, I mean I guess I I guess I was. I don't like to be judgmental, but you're right. I'm being honest. I think for me, I feel like I've in a way I also felt bad for him because I'm like, oh my gosh, if you keep doing this, your wife is gonna divorce. I kept thinking that, like, oh man, like in my head, I was like, oh, don't don't keep doing this. Like, don't, you know, wait till your kids are like teenagers and maybe go back to it instead of when they're little. Because your wife, I don't know how much longer she's gonna be able to take of this. And I kept thinking that in my head, like, if I were to talk to this person, like if I if he were to ask me for advice, I would be like, please don't continue training for these Iron Mans. Like, give it a give it a break. Do like a half, do like some Olympic distance, those are just as fun, and like you don't have to train as hard. And when your kids are older, like maybe in their teens, you can kind of go back to it, you know, because from my understanding, it wasn't as though he was like going to become professional and it mattered if he was in his forties or 50s that much, you know, maybe. And then I know age is always a factor, and that's one thing I think about a lot is if I wait to do these marathons till I'm in my 50s, I'm not gonna be able to run them as fast. And I'm trying to, you know, get a time goal. So there's always that factor. But that was what I was kind of thinking. I don't know about you, Justin.

SPEAKER_00 28:20

I'm glad that you brought up this guy because um I think this extends the conversation in a place that I kind of wanted to go as well. And it's not just relationships with significant others and spouses, because I mean the children, if you do have kids, I mean, that is something that you have to consider. Do these race distances fit in fit into my life right now and the way that it's structured and the demands that I have on my time? Is it worth it to even though you want to do longer races, does it fit? And what is what's the what are the opportunity costs that's going to be tied to you choosing to do these races and in the time that it requires of you? Um I that that was something that I had to consider when when my kids were younger as well. So it's just like, you know, I at that time my kids were fairly young, but I would, you know, I had their mom and I had had split up and we had divorced, and so I was effectively like a single dad. Uh, because I I committed to being as active in their lives as possible. So we split time 50-50. So they were with their mom one week and then they would come and they would be with me for a week. And so those weeks that they were my responsibility, they were in my care. You know, I was I was a single parent, so I had to kind of learn how to manage my time accordingly. And that that came to a point where I had to determine like what distance of race I could commit to at that stage of their lives because I was not willing to be an absentee dad. Right. And not and not miss out on those opportunities in that time with them. But then again, I wanted to show them, I wanted to teach them what it meant to set goals and work hard. So I didn't want to completely sacrifice that time and commitment to achieving what I wanted to achieve because I felt that it was still important and it played a role and something that I wanted to instill in my sons, you know, this value of work ethic and the value of, hey, this is this is when you set a goal, you have to do what is needed in order to achieve that. And sometimes that stuff is hard, it's going to require sacrifices, not just from you, but others around you as well. And so I felt that that was a valuable lesson, but I didn't need to do a full Iron Man in order to teach that lesson. So those are decisions that you have to make as a parent based on where you're what stage of life your children are at. Once your kids reach teenage years, they don't want to spend time with you anyway. So maybe that's a great time to go ahead and go for that Iron Man or that that ultra marathon. They don't want to talk to you anyway. They're in their room, you know, playing PlayStation or whatever. So feel free to train as much as you want.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

They probably don't yeah, they're not gonna want to be around you as much. But um, yeah, I agree. I think, you know, I think that's probably one of the bigger with that Iron Dad thing that that was concerning me with the book was I felt like, oh man, like there's these children and they're and as you know, little kids grow very quickly and they change very quickly. And so, you know, that's something that's very important to me is to not be so involved with training that I cannot spend time with my son, or that I'm taking tons of time away from him to train, or I'm so tired all the time that I can't engage. It definitely is harder sometimes when I do have those longer runs, but that, you know, but that's why I don't do that all the time. But the other days of the week, I'm still hanging out. We to go to the park, going swimming with him tomorrow afternoon. You know, we do stuff together. He's got like a CrossFit kids. I'll meet them there, I'll take him to the bakery. We'll go, you know, so we'll do stuff together with just me and my son. A lot of times I want to spend time with him, but I'm also very fortunate. Um, it's not as I still have a lot of work too. Like it's not like I'm working part-time. I probably work more than part-time hours, but I have a flexible, pretty flexible schedule most of the time. So that allows me to be able to like pick him up certain days right after school. He doesn't always have to be in the after school program, so then we'll be able to hang out with him or drive him to school. And, you know, I I can be a little more flexible. So because I don't, I think it's harder for a parent who has like a full-time job to be able to train, dedicate a lot of that full amount of time to like even a marathon and have children. I just don't know that particular scenario. I think if I were in that scenario, I would not personally do the marathon training. I would have had to be like, okay, that particular goal is not a goal I can achieve now. So maybe I need to focus on half marathons for a while until he's older. And then, you know, maybe I wouldn't have focused so much on this particular goal. And I know that I'm lucky in that sense, but that doesn't mean it's easy. It doesn't mean I'm just sailing through in an easy time here and I'm I'm finding parenting super swell all the time. And I, you know, that was one of the things we were kind of vulnerable about before. But I I definitely have challenges. I think the biggest challenge now for me is that, and I think a lot of parents will relate to this, child care is a little expensive. And even though now we no longer have daycare, I'm still recovering from the costs of almost six years of daycare because my son didn't start school until he was just before the age of six. So we had about five, six years of uh some sort of daycare, not always full-time, but and that's expensive. And then he does have like a little bit of after school program, you know, costs and things like that that he we do pay a little bit. But in in our budget, we don't have a lot of um money for budgeting like um a nanny or someone to come in and to to watch him at the cost is like expensive now, like$20 an hour to come watch him and then pay for going out to eat, you know, go somewhere fancy. So my husband and I really don't, and we don't have a lot of family in the area. None of our family is his hip family is not particularly helpful. I mean, his dad anyway, sometimes they're helpful, but and it's not their fault, but the rest of his family isn't, and my family doesn't live here, so we have no family help. And so we don't have date night. Like my husband and I don't get to spend a lot of time together without Theo. Very rarely. I mean, it's very rare. Maybe once every three to six months we get to go out, and that's not enough. I know that, and it's hard, you know. So that's you know, so we're when we have Theo, one of either one of us, unless he's in school or after school, has to have be around him because he's only six years old. So it's a lot of like give and take, give and take. Like, so it doesn't allow a lot of like downtime for either of us. You know, we're either working and or sometimes doing our hobby, and then I have Theo so well. Dustin's like working on trucks and his Bronco, he's just likes to do a lot of vehicle stuff. My downtime is running, which isn't a very like downtime activity, really. Like, I'm training. So all outside of that, I'm either with Theo or we're both with my son Theo, but we're not we're sort of this back and forth and give and take of like who's got Theo, who's taking Theo, and he's my son is lovely, he's very high energy and very neat, like kind of a more needy child. He's a he's been a little bit more challenging than the normal sort of situation. Quote I don't you you know that word normal I don't really like, but he he's a very love, like very gifted, lovely child, but very a little more um needs a little bit more attention. And so it does make it's just been hard. You know, I feel like I'm in kind of in survival mode a little bit myself. Um, kind of not exactly at this moment. It's just kind of like work, you know. I do enjoy being with Theo, but it's you know, we we hang out. But honestly, like I like to be around him, but I don't love going to the park all the time. I don't like going to the swimming pool is tiring because I'm playing with him for like two hours straight. I mean, I'm in the water with him playing. It's not like I'm just sitting on the sideline being like fun, you know. So, and generally he wants me to be engaged, which is great. So I'll get in there, I'll go to the park unless there's lots of other kids he's playing with. I'm usually engaging the whole time. So it's not super relaxing. So it's it's fun, but it's you know, it's a lot. And I I just feel like sometimes I'm just like I don't really have a chance to just sit down and like even watch Netflix or anything like that. I don't generally get to just watch shows and hang out, and and that is something I miss a little bit. And it's so I feel like it's kind of like survival mode. I am definitely not maybe like completely thriving, even though from the surface looking on, you'd be like, oh, your running's going really well, and you know, this, you know, but I I'm just being honest. It's just kind of where I'm at right now, and I know it'll probably get easier. And hopefully, as Theo gets a little older, maybe we'll have more opportunities for us to hang, my husband and I to be together. But it makes it hard. I mean, I think there's got to be other fam other people out there listening who have similar situations without much assistance from families, and they're kind of like training like I am. That's kind of my coping strategy and like in my way of like keeping even keel. Because I think if I didn't run and I didn't train, I'd be like angry more more often than I should, maybe a little bit unhinged. No, I'm just kidding. So it's keeping me together and it is where I am right now, and that's just the pure honesty of my situation. Like I'm being real raw here. So that's my struggle. I don't know if people, you know, I don't know if I have a solution. I think a lot of people would be like, oh, try to budget in, you know, you need to spend time with your spouse. Like, try to budget that. Yeah, yeah. It's a lot easier said than done when you're you've got stuff you're trying to pay off and things like that. So I get it. And maybe we'll get there, but right now that's not where we are.

SPEAKER_00 38:13

I'm glad you brought up the idea of you know, somebody saying you have to budget because that was that's actually a conversation that I'm literally having with my wife in at the moment. So we we've been talking about this for a few days because I've I've significantly ramped up the activity for for the business. And so yeah, you know, there's a lot more like social media content that I'm building trying to build this build this business up and you know support the podcast, and then you know, I have a I have a full-time job on top of this, and you know, a dad and a husband and everything else. So there's a lot going on. And so I will be honest, over the past few weeks, I've been extremely overwhelmed. I just relaunched my website, a complete redesign of the website, and then I'll redesign it again later this year as I move platforms, and then there's the the social media aspect. I'm really trying to learn how to capitalize on that and then put it and filter in my training at the same time. And so I can kind of tell when my wife is is starting to be affected by my absenteeism. Because if if I have to be honest, that's that's what it is, you know. So I I I've I've learned the signals that I can that I get from her when you know she's feeling like I'm just I'm not spending time with her. And so, you know, there are times where I have to come back and reassure her. It's like, you know, hey, I know that I know that I'm kind of absent. I'm I'm trying to make this as short as possible in terms of time frame. You know, this is kind of you know, I would much prefer to, you know, kind of sit on the couch and and sit beside you and you know watch a Netflix show rather than sitting in my tiny little office, you know, working on social media posts or you know, some new product that I want to roll out, you know, with with Tabula Rasa Racing or some new training plan that I'm trying to come up with and design. There's always something that's kind of going through in my head. And so by the time by the time I'm done, my brain is so fried at the end of the day, I don't have much left for for anything else. And so we've been talking lately. It's like she knows the kind of personality that I am, and that I'm very structured and very A-type personality, very checkbox kind of guy. And she's like, we just have to put me on the schedule.

SPEAKER_01 40:26

No, okay.

SPEAKER_00 40:27

And so, you know, even though it it sounds so bad, it sounds like I've got to like I have to schedule to spend time with my wife. Uh, you know, it's it just sound it just to me it sounds bad, but I don't think so. To me, with my personality, it's just how I think.

SPEAKER_01 40:44

No, I put everything on this schedule.

SPEAKER_00 40:48

I've been trying to implement this schedule now for like a couple days, and it's like, you know, you know, if I can like stop working by 9 p.m., that would give me from nine to ten to kind of spend with her, and that gives my brain a chance to kind of unwind. But I mean, there were two nights this week where I was up until one or two o'clock in the morning, you know, working on stuff, you know, and then up at you know, 5 30 or 6 a.m. So I'm rolling on like you know, four or five hours of sleep. And so it is pretty challenging, but I can see its impact on on my relationship with her. And you know, it's so it's not just the training, it's everything that kind of goes with it, the recovery time that's needed, you know, the the nutrition side of it, making sure that we're eating well, which takes effort, you know, and it's one more one more thing that one more thing that you have to spend time on. And so it's not just the training, it's everything that goes with it, you know, yeah. Robs you of of opportunities to do other things.

SPEAKER_01 41:43

Yeah, and then if you're training and then you're also trying to do other things, and it stacks up um stacks on, you know, more time that you have to spend. And yeah, I think that's hard. I don't I don't think you should feel bad about putting things on your schedule. I have I think because and I'm starting, I I'm starting to realize more and more that I probably have ADHD, but anyways, that's another topic. But it I have to put everything on my schedule. I put in my schedule even when I have to go pick up Theo because it's not that I'm like I haven't forgot him yet, but it's probably because the reminder is in my schedule, right? And it things at me. I'm thinking about it, but it's like it's there and it also reminds me I had I put almost everything in my calendar. You know, if I think if I was gonna have a date night with Dustin, I'd probably have it in there as a reminder, I would because it it's like that's how I work. I do think if I didn't do that, maybe I would miss more things. And um I have that's happened before. So I with my being sort of a crazy having these various things that I do job-wise, and then training and trying to fit that in. I even put my training in as an appointment. Like it's in my calendar as kind of like an appointment for myself. And then I block out other things so that I can train. So I do very much go by a calendar, and if that helps you to be like, oh yeah, I've got a, you know, it's time to spend, it's time for me to wrap this up. I have to spend time with Stephanie. I think that's absolutely okay. I don't think it's like because it just reminds you, it's giving that little like ding in your calendar visual reminder to say, like, yes, I need to wrap this up. It's important for me to spend time with her, just like you would put your training plan together and you would have that scheduled out. So I absolutely think that's a great idea. Like, I don't know, maybe people are judging that, but I for the type of personality you have, and I mean you know, so not a bad idea. I think that's a good idea.

SPEAKER_00 43:37

Yeah, I I think that that's that's a really important thing. Is so if you can figure out a way to to decipher the signals that you receive from your significant other or from your children for that matter, because they will send you signals as well that that they need to spend time with you, you have to be really in tune. You have to be really in tune to those signals.

SPEAKER_01 43:57

So it's hard because you know you but you I think if if yeah you can kind of tell when they're like why you know why are you going for a run again or you know things like but and sometimes it's hard because you want because sometimes they just want to be with you, you know? And then then and then there's that sense of like parent guilt or mom I call my for me it's my mom guilt. Like I get, you know, a little bit. But then that's why I have try to balance it like tomorrow I did my long run today because of the wind. I'm gonna do a run and then go spend basically the rest of the day I'm not doing I'm doing an easier run and then spending the rest of the day. But I had to arrange rearrange my schedule a little bit but now I have to spend the rest of the day with Theo and doing fun things with him. Right. Because I basically but the majority of the day I wasn't spending as much time with him. So tomorrow is you know so I think it's just yeah getting those signals but also making sure like you're saying like putting it it's in my it's not really I don't know if I put that in my calendar but it's like that's my plan. You know, trying to think ahead and make sure I'm incorporating him. And I wish I could incorporate my husband more but like I've said that time will come.

SPEAKER_00 45:04

I I I think one one of the things that I kind of wanted to bring up is that you know the way that we that the normal quote unquote normal schedule is is that you know we do all of our long trainings on the weekends. You know Saturdays and Sundays are usually spent doing these longer sessions. And so there's nothing that says that you have to have a date night on Saturday or Sunday.

SPEAKER_01 45:24

Right. It's true.

SPEAKER_00 45:24

So one way to prioritize your relationship and still be able to make time for your structure training is to maybe compromise and have date night or some kind of quality time. It you don't have to go out you don't have to spend all kinds of money even if it means you know once a month you leave the house and and you go do something but the other three weeks of the month you do something at home. You have an at-home date night and just do it during the week. Yeah if you can that would be and so you know to make that kind of compromise and fit it in just move it around where it's not the stereotypical you know Saturday night date night kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 46:03

Yeah you just move it around to where it fits into your schedule as busy on the weeknights than it is on the weekend. We always go if we go out somewhere to eat, you know, which we might do once a week we always try to go during the week because the weekends where we are it's like chaos out, you know, at the restaurants anyways if you're going to go out to restaurant. So you might find it's just a little bit more pleasant and you don't have to maybe you know wait or I guess make a reservation in the middle of the week. So it's just maybe a little bit more relaxed in that way. Something to think about it depends on where you live but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:35

Another thing that I kind of wanted to bring up and this was something that I had that I had done in in a previous relationship. So it was something that that I've not done with Stephanie is race destinations. I know that this is a big thing for for endurance athletes. You know, hey we want to travel you know that's a great way to kind of you know take a vacation you make it like a a race vacation kind of thing and there was a time where when when my kids' mom and I were were still married it was almost like every vacation was a race vacation. And it got to the point where she was just like look can we just have a vacation that's not a race and so that's true. I kind of took that one to heart and I was just like I mean that's true.

SPEAKER_01 47:14

I mean that's true. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:15

Yeah so one of the things that that I did was I sat down and looked at all kinds of races and I put them on on a sheet of paper and you know where the destination would be. And then I sat down with my significant other at that time and said these are the races and these are the locations that I would like to do. So these are all the possibilities. Let's pick a place together. I've I have no preference on you know which race that I do but make it a cooperative effort. So one of the great things that you can do is you can find it just takes a little bit of due diligence and a little bit of research ahead of time find things that you can do within that destination that is not race related. So you know if there's a a really cool like children's museum in that city or there's a really cool like art museum that you like or there's you know really good restaurants that you've heard of and you've read the reviews you know there's something else that's there for them to do while you're racing you know and like an Iron Man event can be you know all day. You know you're talking you know 14 15 hours and so you can't expect them to just sit there for like 14 hours and just not do anything. That's just unrealistic. So if you can find things that say hey this is something that you can do you know during the race while while I'm out there you know and keep the kids occupied or just keep yourself entertained you know because that bike can take you know six seven hours six hours to do go go do something and have some fun during that time while while I'm out and I think that that adds a little bit more to the relationship because it shows them that they are important that the race isn't the only thing that you're thinking of you're thinking of them you're thinking of their enjoyment you know and you want them to be entertained as well you want them to have fun. They're not there just to support you. And so that's one of the things that that I did when I was doing destination races I mean I don't I don't do those very much anymore but just just trying to find a way to include them in the decision making process. Yeah have them I think I think shows them that they are important and you're not just saying hey this is the race that I've signed up for this is where we're going and you know deal with it yeah be prepared I never want to go there it's not a healthy way to go about it.

SPEAKER_01 49:36

I agree I don't you know I'm thinking of like most of the destinations I go to also involve families. I think also like if every single time you travel is because of a race I do think it might be worth considering like having some travel that isn't you know necessarily race related although I even when we decide we're gonna travel somewhere I still think of looking up races. So even I do the opposite like it's like oh we're gonna go somewhere and it's not race related I still will see if there's a race sometimes you know so I'm not I can't say I'm I'm not guilty of that but I think kind of you know not having it be like every single one time you travel it revolves around a race necessarily um you know because I do think that can become problematic um unless you're going somewhere really fun that everybody wants to go to and you you know then you are involved and involving people is a or involving the family is a great idea. Yeah I'm trying to think of other solution I'll I'll front load a race.

SPEAKER_00 50:38

Yeah just like so if you decide to to a destination do do the race at the beginning of the time that you're there not not at the end. So you get all that race crap out of the way and then you have the remaining days to to enjoy yourself.

SPEAKER_01 50:52

But this but this upcoming summer I have a weird situation where we have like a family reunion and then there's this like we're gonna be with my mom in Vermont and then I'm gonna do the race and then we're gonna have more time. Then we're gonna have the time to relax. So it's gonna be a really interesting situation but that was just because it's too many things are happening all at once. So I don't know. But yeah I would recommend that because if you're doing it at the end the whole time you're gonna be nervous about the race or you know you're not gonna be able to it's just not going to be good and your family's gonna be able to tell because you're not gonna be able to be engaged with them because you're gonna be thinking about the race. So definitely try to front load the race first and then and then do the fun. And then you have the nice thing about that is hopefully you're taking some time off and you can relax and enjoy and not be training and really focus on your family. So I do think that's a great way to go. The other thing I think you we we had some some points here the one thing I want to mention is that sometimes I sometimes when I'm training a lot I do get like hyper focused like outside of the training on constantly consuming information about running. Like I said I like listen to podcasts and um a lot of the books I listen to especially when I'm in the middle of like a training block because I'm so hyper focused on it is all related to like endurance or running or things that inspire me. So I feel inspired and can kind of it helps me kind of stay motivated during a tough training block especially when I'm doing a little more volume. But it seems like I'm constantly thinking about running even when I go to bed at night I'm thinking about my training how did my training go today how did my how what have I got going on tomorrow? You know what I mean? And I think that's hard because when I'm speaking with my spouse like it's like hard not to be like talk he doesn't know it, you know I think the good thing is or maybe is that he doesn't it's like him trying to talk to me about fixing cars and like mechanical stuff. But just like just like I would love to know more about this but it's not an interest of mine. So it kind of goes way over my head and I'm just trying to be like yeah like that sounds cool and I have no idea what you're talking about. That's kind of how it is probably with my running and I'm talking about that with him. So I've just learned to try to talk about other stuff but it does get hard because if I'm always focused on this content of like running and that's like even outside of my runs I'm thinking about it. It's you know I think that's one thing too is like I think spouses can kind of get sick of hearing about it. Like I'm sick of you talking about your training can we please please talk about anything else you know so that was one yeah thing too and I don't know if I I just take something to think about trying to most of the time unless they're also really at like into the same sport and also like a triathlete or something like they probably they probably don't mind you updating them a little bit but I think for the most part that's something I learned is like just it's best if I just try to talk about like my son or anything else you know anything else that isn't training related because I think Dustin just kind of is like I I don't care you know like I just don't care. He cares. He's happy wants me to he's happy that I'm into it but he doesn't care about how my training went that day you know really he I mean to a point but to I didn't want to hear about it on and on and on about every split and all that stuff. So I know that's harder.

SPEAKER_00 54:12

Yeah divert diversity conversation yeah save the running talk to your friend your running friends it's always funny when I when yeah when I'm talking with Stephanie and sometimes I'm talking about how the training is going or the business is going I can kind of see her eyes kind of glaze over like she's she's she's like actively listening but it's just not registering so I think she's just being polite and just saying oh okay yeah all right all right and she's just like yeah okay yeah it's really kind of an interesting topic because we're trying to find ways to to weave together the training and and and life because sometimes and I'll speak from from my own my own fault that sometimes I have a hard time weaving those in. And so it's you know it's like you know is it trying to figure out a way to to say this so it's like does does training support my life or is it my life? I think that that's kind of the best way that I can kind of describe it. Because sometimes I if I'm if I'm gonna be honest I would say that training is my life because I'm a coach too and so you know part of it just kind of feeds into it. So I'm like I'm constantly testing out new workouts and things like that so I can see you know like what works and what doesn't work what would be something good to give to another athlete what's good to you know develop some kind of specific adaptation for for a training plan. So I'm constantly testing out stuff like that. And so that's part of my business and so you know trying to become a better coach. So training ultimately is kind of my life because it's my chosen profession because it impacts I mean that's true for me too because I do a lot of work with athletes but I guess but then again I it's like I'm I'm trying to not allow it to be my life and just become part of my life and it's it's hard and I I'll I'll be completely honest and and open about it. It's like that is something that I struggle with.

SPEAKER_01 56:09

Yeah is you don't want that to be like the all-consuming thing in your life I do think that the idea though of everything being in balance all the time and you know like I can say when I'm in my marathon training like the next like probably really as it's coming up now kind of now and then in April and May like the running will be a I'm not say it's like my life because I have other things I'm doing. So I don't it's not like I'm all consumed by it because I have still like my clients and I put a lot of effort into focusing on the people I work with too and that's a great distraction actually because if I'm all consumed by running it almost like I start to lose sleep and it becomes like actually a bad thing for me. So I have to have other things too but the balance is off kilter a little bit and it's more consuming. It's more all consuming during that time and it comes kind of bleeds in a little bit into more it becomes a little bit more of like a big bigger part of my life I guess but it doesn't like my whole life right I think that it's important to remember like I feel like when people say oh you've got to find the right balance and everything has to be in complete balance I feel like that's a little bit of a BS thing because it's it's not realistic. Like things are always going to be a little bit there's going to be times when things are out of balance. Right now I think for you it's a little bit out of balance but if you can try to figure out how to get it a little bit more in balance like you'll you'll hopefully get there. But sometimes that happens it swings a little bit out of balance because you're really hyper focused on something. And as long as that doesn't like happen and it's just the whole becomes all consuming and then you're not able to get sort of back and swing the pendulum a little bit in the other way eventually then that might be where it becomes a problem. But I think that's you know when you when you're communicating with your spouse like right now things aren't going to be in great balance because I have these things I'm trying to get set for my business or I'm really training this is a hard training part of training block for my marathon. This is where it becomes a little bit more time consuming. But as soon as I'm done I'm gonna come back you know and it's gonna be swing a little bit the other way where I'm gonna have a lot more time again, you know, and realizing that you're never if you're kind of constantly achieving like that perfect balance of like making your spouse how happy always making your kids happy making everybody else happy and trying to run you know it's probably unrealistic. So you know you have to kind of realize that there's going to be a little bit of a give and take and hopefully your significant other is supportive of that you know to an extent but I think you know if you if you continue to take take take and never kind of yeah if you never give back then it's a limit you know so you have to realize that and I think that's part of this is just kind of figuring that right balance out you know that kind of give and take and s pendulum of balance swinging back and forth a little bit to figure that out for yourself. But you know you can't you know you you you can't be in a relationship and you know always expect that person to be giving you know to let you you do your training then you're never swinging the other way. So I think you kind of have to figure that that out too and if that means that for a little while you're just not able to put in the training that you'd like but if you're still training you're still you know it's like but maybe just reduce it a little bit um doesn't mean you're not going to be making progress and it doesn't mean you're you know maybe you're not making the progress that you'd like but that's the I mean we all have to remember too is that I think something I have to really remind myself is that at this point I'm never gonna go pro. Like I'm never going to be running and making money with it. Like I like I do this for fun and I obviously want to be the best that I can be to the degree that I can but it I it isn't it it is supposed to like add to my life and it's supposed to make my life better. And if I'm finding that it's starting to take away like I'm starting to lose sleep or my anxiety over training is ramping up or I'm not able to I'm starting to like get angry at my son more often. I'm triggered by things he's doing more often and I'm getting like snappy or m angry or like maybe frustrated with my husband more and it those sorts of behaviors are coming out. I have to like take a deep deep look at what's ha what the training is the toll that that training is starting to take on me and my family. It's not just like them like the signals they're giving me it's like looking in within myself to be like ooh this isn't this isn't good. Like I'm starting to have negative effects on not on my mood. I'm irritable things are I'm anxious I'm a little more anxious things are not looking good and that is I'm taking it too far. Right. I have to like reel it back a little bit or like look at the time I'm taking or whatever's going on how much time I'm how much I'm obsessing over it, you know, it's getting too far. And so I need to like reel it in a little bit and I think that's hard to do sometimes but I think look thinking externally at the signals your family's telling you but you have to also kind of it takes a little bit a lot of introspection but you have to realize too what's happening internally and those signals that you're also experiencing and things that you the way you're reacting to people or the way you're you're dealing with situations if it's not so good anymore and you're and it's starting to affect you then that's probably also where you need to draw the line a little bit because it's not worth being so tired all the time that you get really mad at your family because or your children because they're running around screaming. You know what I mean? That's kind of what kids do.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:45

And it's hard. I know I I have that triggers me anyways that kind of stuff but when I'm really tired I'm just like you know and if I'm tired all the time and not taking care of myself I don't know it's just something to think about too being able to like look deep, you know, think in in yourself and you know be able to sort of like look Yeah you you gotta be you got to be introspective and just look into you can't just like block it out like I'm training this is my thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:11

I just wanted to kind of close this off with this kind of like closing statement is that when we named this podcast the endurance athlete journey podcast the word journey is just it's really really important to me because we don't walk it alone. We we walk this journey with those around us and those those people want to see you succeed. They they don't want to see you fail and they want to see you enjoying the journey. You're not necessarily going to be happy all the time. Nobody is and it's not always going to be you know unicorns and rainbows kind of thing. So you know there are going to be times where it where it's hard and you're not necessarily happy but there should be some level of joy that's there. Your joy is very different from happiness. So the reason that I'm bringing this up is because these people who love you and are committed to you they want to see you succeed they're walking this journey with you. And so it's really important to foster those relationships and keep them healthy because there may come a time where you don't race anymore or you may race less as we get older that's that's a reasonable conclusion to come to and so what are you left with when you're no longer racing at at the same level that you are you want to make sure you still have you just have you destroyed all of the relationships around you in order for you to have accomplished what it is that you went wanted to accomplish what did it cost you and I think that that's a valuable that's a that's really something that's important that you have to sit down as an athlete and say I really love what I'm doing but what is it costing me? What is it costing those around me? And these relationships are important I don't want them to be I don't want them to suffer there are compromises that are going to be needed from time to time but ultimately those compromises have to be taken on by you as the athlete as well you can't expect them to be the ones that compromise all the time and I I will I will own that that is something that has been really hard for me is that I've been less likely to compromise and it's something that I continue to try and work on is my ability to do that because I do want those relationships around me to be strong and healthy because they haven't been before and I've seen the consequences of them and the cost and the cost that you have to bear when when that happens is not pleasant. Yeah absolutely I don't I don't think that any medal or any kind of experience of a race is worth is worth it. I mean I have a I have a wall full of medals and a bunch of experiences but the relationships that I have in my life are way more important than than those and so I have to be just as purposeful with the health of those relationships as I am purposeful with my training as well. And so we have to we have to think about well how how do I want to should I train should I approach my relationships the same way that I approach my training and there there was a time when I was going through some therapy and that was one of the things that my therapist said is that you have to be an Ironman in your relationship. So it means that I need to pursue my relationship just like I pursue my training be purposeful be consistent be durable be diligent about it just like I do with the other aspects of my life and so if that's if that's the one thing that I could end this conversation on that to end it.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:42

That makes a lot of sense. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:44

Alright so if you do you have anything else that you wanted to No I think that's perfect.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:48

Kind of ending it there.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:49

Yeah just a mic drop kind of opportunity I don't have a mic drop opportunity. I don't think I'm set away so guys uh if you've been in if you've enjoyed the the conversation that we've had tonight And you've enjoyed some of the other conversations that we've had. We've got uh this is episode 79, so there's 78 other conversations that we've had. If you have enjoyed this content and any of it has been helpful to you, or if it's been helpful to those that you shared it with, I would appreciate we would appreciate it if you would go out and just leave a comment and a review. Those things really, really help others find the podcast. We don't monetize this, and so you know, we don't have sponsors and ads and all that kind of stuff. We wanted to keep this pure. So those comments and reviews really do help bring others to the podcast. If there's a particular topic that we've covered in our library or just this particular episode has been has kind of you know struck a chord with you and you've connected to it, share it with with any with those that you think it would help as well. That that definitely is one of the reasons why I know that I wanted to bring this podcast, and I think I think I speak for Katie as well. If there's any way that we can improve some kind of aspect of your life or help you through something, then the effort that we take to put this on will have been worth it. So we thank you for the time that you do spend with us. It does not go unnoticed and it does not go unappreciated. So thank you so much. We are pushing more content out into the private Facebook group. We're doing uh, you know, discussion questions and you know, kind of pinging the audience out there, trying to spur conversations. So if you have not joined this group and you would like to participate, please consider going out. It's the Endurance Athlete Journey Podcast group. It's on Facebook. You just answer one simple question, it will let you right on in. Join the conversation and help grow the community. We are both active coaches and taking on athletes onto our rosters. And so if you are interested in coaching or just talking with one of us, or both of us for that matter, you can reach out to us through our respective websites or through the email address that's tied to the podcast. So if you listen to the the outro that uh that plays after we we sign off, you'll get the email address for the podcast. But you can reach out to Coach Katie at fuel the number two run dot com, or you can reach out to me, Coach Justin, at taboularossa racing.com. We'd be more than happy to talk with you on how we can help you along in your journey and help you accomplish those things that you would like to set out to accomplish. So again, thank you guys for joining us. Uh that signs off on episode number 79, where we've talked about balancing endurance training and relationships, keeping both things healthy is really important to your longevity in the sport. All right, so thank you guys. We'll see you again next next time. Talk to you later. Lessons that carry far beyond the workout. Progress in endurance sports doesn't come from shortcuts. It comes from consistency, discipline, and doing the work when it's not glamorous. Wherever you are on your endurance journey, keep trusting the process and honoring the work you put in each day. If today's episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone to help on their endurance journey. Don't forget to join the conversation on our social sites to help build and foster a community where we all learn and support one another. We'll be back with more stories and insights from Coach Justin and Katie. Until then, visit the podcast website at the endurance athlete journey.buzzsprout.com for more episodes from the Endurance Athlete Journey Podcast. Have questions or comments about the podcast? Feel free to send us an email at the endurance athlete journey at gmail.com. For all things coaching, visit Coach Katie at fuel the number two run.com and Coach Justin at taboolarasaracing.com. Again, thank you for listening to the Endurance Athlete Journey Podcast and remember to find joy in the journey.