SOS Gab & Eti
SOS Gab & Eti, a tale of Bullamanka, satirizes outhouse pretension, historical revisionism, historic preservation, and the glorification of mundane objects. It uses rambling, digressive prose to tell the story of the Orgrease family's attempts to deal with their inherited portable toilet, and the ensuing chaos. The narrative jumps between Gabriel's ghostwritten memoir, the siblings' current predicament, and bizarre historical tangents, including their ancestor Matthew's prolific family, Judge Uckerknobb's conspiracy theories, and Pastor Jicklo's surreal teletransportation experience. It further explores the "Walking Outhouse," the debate over preserving or replacing the Orgrease toilet, and the George Washington Shat Here Foundation's quest for presidential excrement.
SOS Gab & Eti
SOS Gab & Eti 1.05
Gab and Eti are contacted by the General Tom Thumb National Historical Site, which claims to possess his ornate portable toilet and a vast collection of miniature prophylactics.
A recently curious development is that Gab and Eti were contacted by the General Tom Thumb National Historical Site (GTTNHS).
It is unclear to us where this site is located; we could not see it on our atlas and when we Google earthed it we came up with the mark of a small comma, or, as one could describe it we found a period with a little squiggly tail attached. A Moveable Museum. If anyone has further information, or a better magnifier (a pocket microscope would be real nice right along in here), even a legitimate smart phone number (you would not believe what we got when we called the number we were given – thankfully this time it was not to get our sewage pipes de-rooted but more like a slow-massage by Bambi) -- then please do let us know at your earliest conveyance.
Regardless, as you can probably imagine, the GTTNHS claims to have the official General Tom Thumb "South Sea Booth of Natural Repast and Eternal Delight in Modern Sanitation and Gravitational Plumber's Science".
The arrangement, mounted on a set of four small oak carriage wheels (convenient to be pulled by a team of Nubian goats with gilded harnesses), is fashioned of a lightweight corn cob and oyster shell tabby with a lime putty surreptitious matrix. It stands roughly four feet in height and sports on the black walnut and inlaid mahogany door a brass framed crescent moon window inset with a thin sheet of violet mica. The flush mechanism predates in design the modern airliner commode. There is no singular receptacle for cigars, but many for cigarillos.
A small silver panel on the interior, engraved in flowery script, advises the user to not flush while the appliance is in motion and warns to wait for the tiny thunder mug to be fully arranged. A small porcelain water tank, in the shape of a blue whale's bladder, reposes on the roof to freshen a miniature sink within. There is a quarter coin slot on the rear with an ingenious mechanism that activates a diminutive spring-activated refuse door. Obviously this is one more of those moneymaking pyramids foisted on the public by Mr. Thumb's baronial patron the orange gibberdink… no, I’m sorry, Mr. Barnum.
The GTTNHS also claims to have the world's largest collection of miniature prophylactics. Sunfish gut a bit on the antique side of the sexual revolution. User beware!
The foundation has an immediate position open for an architectural conservator versed in Hindi/Vedic coprolitic inscribed astrology and divination. Our need for steady employ provides all the more reason that we desire to find a politically correct phone number and a valid postal address.
Future fund development plans of the GTTNHS, beyond the obligatory bed pans, socks, coffee cups, T-shirts, and thimbles, include release of a line of women's casual wear -- Lavinia Warren's Secret. The lingerie will be directed to the ultra-petite market. Mail order catalogs are to be released in the spring.
This would be a perfect application for a retail website where scale in clothing is politely obscured.
To be continued... Eti's new chicken coop.