Alexithymia with Special Guest Niti Hinduja

Join Andrea Urquhart and Niti Hinduja for this special interview on Alexithymia and Relationships. Niti is a relationship coach who also specialises in AuDHD relationship challenges. Here mission to guide others to find and nurture relationships that are safe and that bring joy.

Discover more about Niti here or connect with Niti on LinkedIn or Instagram.

Download Andrea's free Alexithymia Resource Kit here.

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Click through to https://strengthenlive.com to discover more about online courses, coaching and training with me. I have a special interest in coaching neuro-divergent, professional women. If you're looking for a coach who sees you as an individual, you've found her!

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Transcript

(00:00:09):
Welcome to the StrengthenLive podcast.

(00:00:12):
I'm your host, Andrea Urquhart.

(00:00:15):
This is the place for trailblazing empathetic leaders.

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And if you have a big heart and your passion is supporting others to change their

(00:00:24):
lives for the better,

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find home and belonging here.

(00:00:34):
Back in the summer,

(00:00:35):
the beautifully big hearted Nitti Hindooja and I recorded an episode on alexithymia

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in relationships.

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I hit some technical issues with the recording and editing.

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So firstly, a huge thank you to Niti for her patience waiting for this episode to be released.

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And welcome back to you,

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my strength and life family in this first episode of a new season in which we will

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continue to explore topics that impact us all as leaders and people who coach

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and train and pastor others.

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I'm so excited to welcome Nitti Hindooja today to the podcast.

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We've had this planned for a while.

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Niti works with people on their relationships.

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She's a relationship coach and she also works in particular with people who are neurodivergent.

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Niti helps others create relationships that are good for their mental health.

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She does this by helping them build a healthier relationship with themselves by

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understanding themselves.

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And that includes things like knowing and living in a way that honors their worth

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and what actually matters to them.

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So Niti coaches people to know,

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defend and communicate what their needs are and to be able to find and nurture

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relationships that feel safe and joyful.

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So Niti thank you so much for joining me here today.

(00:01:55):
Hi, Andrea.

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Thank you so much for having me.

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It's lovely to be here with you.

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I'm really thrilled that we can have this conversation, Nitti.

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I've often shared on my socials about alexithymia,

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and I have a free alexithymia resource kit that's actually proven very popular.

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It can really make recognizing emotions,

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communication,

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and relationships difficult for some people,

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can't it?

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So today, we're going to talk about that a little bit more for our listeners.

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I'm really interested to hear your perspective on that in relationships.

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But first of all,

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just so that people understand a little bit more about you,

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can you share with us what does your work as a relationship coach include?

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I started off as a dating coach.

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Primarily,

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I worked with singles who are looking for love and dealt with all sorts of things

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around what is it that makes someone the right partner for you,

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what are the things that you should be and do when looking for a partner,

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primarily a life partner,

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and how to kind of go on that journey of finding love.

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without all the expectations and all the societal pressures and everything we've

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been told about what a right partner should be.

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So really understanding oneself,

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what are one's core values that they don't want to compromise on,

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not just going by generic advice that is found on the internet or is told by

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relatives and friends,

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but really understanding what matters to one's own self.

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And also building up one's self-worth because we have to accept into our life what

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we believe we are worthy of.

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So the treatment that we receive from others,

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being able to say no to what doesn't live up to our standards and actually learn to

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raise our standards or manage our standards.

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Different people need to be coached in different directions based on what their

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mindset is like in that approach to looking for love.

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that was my primary motivation to get into coaching because i want people to be in

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healthier relationships not find relationships for the heck of being in a

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relationship once you're in that relationship how do you build and grow together

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everything that i coach on in that aspect plays over into other relationships so it

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can be very relevant to uh

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friendships, even work relationships, family relationships, I would say are another aspect.

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They can get trickier on some levels,

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but any kind of communication difficulties or understanding others,

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helping others understand you,

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that all comes under what I do.

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So you're clearly very much about helping people to be and understand who they are

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and that their relationships then are impacted from that rather than them trying to

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adjust themselves or make themselves the right person for other people.

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Would you say then that doing comes out of being?

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absolutely the doing does come out of the being once you understand yourself you

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understand your needs you're then able to ask for what you want you're then able to

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help someone else understand you because partners or other people you're in

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relationships with are not mind readers so that journey of building a relationship

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with someone is about mutually understanding and constantly learning about one

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another so it's like how is someone supposed to learn or understand you if

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you aren't able to understand yourself.

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It is possible,

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but it's nice to be able to advocate for yourself and help someone really

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understand you.

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It's interesting, isn't it?

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Because it can appear to be, or we're told by different culture and societal messages that

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It's more desirable if women aren't forthright about what they need and what they

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want in a relationship.

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Whereas you're saying it's important for everybody to know what they need and know

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what they want and to be able to share that.

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So do you find that that's quite a big block for people, just that idea in the first place?

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If you say to somebody, well, you need to share what you want and say what you want.

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Absolutely.

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It is quite counterintuitive to have to ask for our needs to be met,

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really ask for what we want from our partners and other people in our life.

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But it's about being compassionate and understanding that everyone comes with their

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own perspective.

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So something that I may like or something that I may want my partner to do for me

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is not something they may necessarily want from me.

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So it's...

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for them to fathom that it's a possibility that i could need that it's just hard to

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put ourselves in someone else's shoes and imagine what it would be like from their

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perspective and so it becomes a lot more easier when we ask for it ourselves i'll

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give you an example of a client of mine who had this strong desire for her partner

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to bring her flowers but she didn't ask for it so

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coaching her through it firstly accepting that she is worthy of receiving flowers

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because the fact that her partner wasn't bringing her flowers made her feel

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unworthy or less than not receiving them so firstly accepting that she is worthy of

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flowers and it is something that she can give to herself she started buying herself

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a bouquet of flowers

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And she just happened to send her partner a picture of it.

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And that's how he picked up on the idea that this is something that she likes.

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How is someone else supposed to know that this is something you would like?

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In the early stages of a relationship,

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particularly,

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it's like there could be any sort of reaction from the other person.

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So if a man was to bring...

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his partner a bouquet of flowers it could be received with criticism like this is

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so cringe this is so old school romantic this is not something that we do in the

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modern world today like how cringe is that for example but it could actually be

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really appreciated by some people it's just safer not to assume and take that

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action and so her dropping that hint without the intention of dropping that hint it

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was just her going about her life

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feeling worthy buying herself flowers and then the next time he actually met her he

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got her flowers because that's when he learned that it's something that she likes

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yes absolutely i find that with my clients as well and you know for other people

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it's also that question of why should i do that for myself it should be something

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that other people do or other people do for me we're not reliant are we on how

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other people treat us so

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If we learn to understand our emotional needs,

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as you say,

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then it gives that example and it sets the tone for what's good for us and what

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works for us.

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So it's a really interesting area for people to grow and develop in.

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So before we go any further,

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Niti,

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I'm really curious for you to share with us a little bit more about your business

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name,

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because that's really intriguing.

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My brand is called Halo Heart.

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I picked this name because this whole concept of becoming a dating coach came to me

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through what I had been through in my own dating journey.

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The emotional rollercoaster of it, getting attached to people and then having to get detached.

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And one thing that came about was this phenomena called the halo effect.

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I overlooked people's flaws because of the bias that I carried within me,

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that quick to assume judgment and see the best in someone or see someone as perfect

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rather,

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because that's what our mind looks for or idealizes.

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But there is no real thing as perfection.

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I believe falling in love uncovers our imperfections.

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As we grow in love and get to know someone,

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we're going to learn more and more about everything about them that's not perfect.

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Still honoring them in their best self.

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Halo Heart has that element of the halo effect and all those biases,

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but it also has the element of spirituality in it because I do believe that there

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is an element of divine timing and people coming together that is not completely

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within our control.

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We can align our actions and our mindset to the best of our abilities to become the

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version of ourselves that's ready to receive

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what we truly desire and i believe that if that desire is within us it is meant for

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us if what we want is coming from a space of genuine internal desire rather than

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social comparison or social expectation or even pressure that we put on ourselves

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Absolutely.

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Yeah,

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I think the decisions,

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just the big ones and the smaller ones in life,

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you know,

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those day to day ones as well,

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are all things that alexithymia can have an effect on for those people who do

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experience.

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experience it and also i think if you are close to somebody who experiences it

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because it impacts your communication together and it definitely includes an

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element of vulnerability as well for some people um so yeah i think it's really

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important to understand more about that so yeah before we get into more of the

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details on that nitty would you just describe for everybody a little bit more about

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what alexithymia is

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Alexithymia is not a diagnosis.

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It's simply a personality trait where one is not able to identify and express their emotions.

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Although one is experiencing it,

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they may not be able to put a finger on it,

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give a name to it,

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and even locate it within their body.

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So if you have ever come across a situation or a guided meditation perhaps where

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you're being asked to feel sensations in your body and identify where in your body

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you're feeling a particular emotion,

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that could be really hard if you have a lexothymia.

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So you can't really find a source to that emotion,

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feel it in one particular place,

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imagine it in a particular color or describe it with particular words.

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That gets really hard.

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Yeah.

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So I often think about those big public wedding proposals, you know, the ones that people video.

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And I really feel for people in that because I think, what happens if you've got alexithymia?

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You know,

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if you're not able to just like confirm or say yes straight away,

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that you need to actually pause and say,

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could I just think about this?

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Yeah.

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you know it's not that the person isn't in love it's not that they don't have big

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feelings for that person it's just that hold on a minute here this is happening too

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fast it's unraveling with people around me and things going on and oh my goodness

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and that awkward moment of I don't know doesn't necessarily mean that they don't

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want to say yes it could just mean let me process for a moment

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It's interesting that you bring up the idea of proposals because from where I come

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from,

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it's not really been a tradition.

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But whenever I saw these videos or saw it happening in the movies while I was

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growing up and things like that,

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it really blew my mind.

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I was like, this is such a big question and people are popping it out of nowhere.

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Like, shouldn't this be more like,

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a conversation so that is something that really blew my mind and you're so right

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because one thing with alexitimia is that need for time to process to be able to

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feel and express some people are more expressive than others you know when you

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receive a gift for example there might be someone who really appreciates the gift

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but they're not just able to say that oh my god and have that big reaction to it

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and say thank you so much while they may say thank you and internally be really

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grateful for it it may not come across that way to the other person and the other

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person may feel like oh my god i got this person a gift and they don't seem to like

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it that much

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Just thinking about relationships there and the idea of love bombing,

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for example,

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or people coming on strong in a relationship for somebody with alexithymia,

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how can they deal with that?

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Is that a good thing or a bad thing when somebody's,

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you know,

(00:14:04):
very strong and they're trying to help them or tell them how they are feeling?

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It's a tricky thing to deal with, isn't it?

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It is tricky.

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It is tricky for sure.

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Love bombing is all about someone coming along,

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making you feel really worthy,

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making you feel really loved.

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And you feel like, what have I done to deserve this?

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because it is also quite premature it's like you are giving this person so much

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love and so much affection and making these big claims about your desire for them

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without knowing them enough so there is that lack of credibility to what they're

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saying and so it's hard to fully believe but then it feels so good because

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Perhaps you haven't felt that worthy about yourself like this person makes you feel.

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So it can be quite dangerous.

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It is those real instant dopamine hits similar to in marketing situations,

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you know,

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where you truly believe that this is the thing that can make you feel better.

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This is the person that can make you feel better.

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so worthy and this is how you've been longing to feel it's something that's got to

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be watched out for and trust is to be built up gradually trust is to be earned not

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really just given away in an instant

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Yeah, simply being able to just have the general words.

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You might think I don't like something, but I can't tell you why.

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And I can't tell you the actual emotion that I'm feeling.

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I just know something doesn't feel right.

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You know, there's lots of ins and outs, aren't there, about alexithymia.

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And although the neurodivergent community are beginning to talk about it more,

(00:15:46):
people very generously sharing their own stories and experiences.

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Having alexithymia doesn't necessarily mean that someone is neurodivergent, does it?

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You're right.

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Having a lexothymia doesn't mean one is neurodivergent, just like any other trait.

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For example, if we see someone is a procrastinator, it doesn't necessarily mean they have ADHD.

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So just like that,

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if someone is not able to verbalize their emotions or put a name to it,

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it doesn't mean they're neurodivergent.

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It could be for so many other reasons.

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It could just be that they're not conditioned to be able to talk about it.

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They haven't been part of

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conversations where people have been openly expressing their emotions and talking

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about them in detail in some cultures it can be quite taboo or looked down upon to

(00:16:33):
be vulnerable with emotions yeah just speaking of emotions is not something that

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everyone learns so people may struggle with it for different reasons the thing that

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we've been told about communicating and

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Communication being the key to resolving all problems.

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It gets really tricky because it's like it's this one core fundamental thing that

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you aren't able to do.

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It's just about finding ways around it and not judging oneself for it because it's

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completely okay.

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Yes.

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So whether a person has a lexothymia or not,

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whether they are simply someone who is learning that it's okay to express their

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emotions and to identify them and expanding their vocabulary.

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That is the tricky part, but there are ways around it.

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And one thing is time for sure.

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Being able to identify something comes with having the time to do it.

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You're feeling something,

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but if your attention might be elsewhere,

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you may not realize that that feeling exists or be able to identify it.

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So like focusing attention on identifying the emotion could be one thing.

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But then secondly, describing the emotion.

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So it's like the first step is identifying, then allowing yourself to feel it.

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but then being able to put it in words.

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And the one thing for putting it in words that can be really helpful is the emotion wheel.

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That is a lovely little breakdown of emotions from bigger to smaller.

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So it talks about an emotion of sadness,

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for example,

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but then dives into different words that could describe different types of sadness.

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So one can really understand what is it that they're feeling about.

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It can actually be really useful for anyone because even though some of us may be

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better at identifying it,

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we don't always have the words or even know about them or pay enough attention.

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So it's really helpful for particularly people with alexithymia, but anyone really.

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So the emotion wheel is quite the game changer.

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There can be so many emotions playing up at one go.

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So also having the emotion wheel to look at different emotions and kind of just

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tick whatever you're feeling can also see that different emotions can exist within

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you at one point in time.

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And if they're all mixed up, it's hard to identify.

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yes so it can get quite confusing can't it you're so right you're so right it's

(00:19:01):
really frustrating it's like that intention has been set i want to advocate for

(00:19:05):
myself i know this is what i want but in that moment the other person seems like

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it's coming easier to them to verbalize their opinion and it feels like you just

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need to give in to them at that moment

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And it's only natural that that happens.

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We all have different ways of communicating and sometimes it may feel like we're

(00:19:25):
being overpowered.

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The real way to get around that is to not battle it alone.

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To be able to say that this is something I struggle with and this is something that

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I would like you to help me out with.

(00:19:39):
check in on me how I'm feeling check in on me if it's something I'm okay with like

(00:19:44):
double check triple check it will be really nice because it's something I really

(00:19:48):
struggle with I want to be able to share my opinion I want to be able to ask for

(00:19:54):
what I need I want to be able to have things my way sometimes so

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I would like it if you were mindful of that.

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Being able to say that to a loved one is really powerful because then you don't

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feel like you have to battle against it all by yourself.

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Having someone hold you accountable is also really important.

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So when you talked about coming back from a situation and someone saying that,

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but hey,

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you were supposed to

(00:20:20):
have this outcome from that conversation but why did you not say it or why did that

(00:20:25):
not happen can also be really powerful just knowing that you need to come back and

(00:20:29):
talk to someone about it whether it's a friend or a coach it's that sense of

(00:20:33):
accountability that really pushes you out of your comfort zone to stand up for

(00:20:38):
yourself really the more and more you do it the less

(00:20:42):
difficult it will seem over time even though it's really challenging it's not

(00:20:46):
something that is easy to break into it's after all going out of your comfort zone

(00:20:51):
so it's just about finding how you can get that push to go there and do it once you

(00:20:56):
experience the joy of it once you see that you've been able to do it you make

(00:21:01):
yourself proud you get what you want from that situation

(00:21:04):
you're able to share your opinion and have that validated acknowledged you're able

(00:21:09):
to get the desired outcome have your needs met it's gonna be a win once you

(00:21:14):
experience that win you're gonna be able to then remind yourself of it to do it

(00:21:19):
again because it feels good to do it

(00:21:21):
And that's actually a great sign,

(00:21:22):
isn't it,

(00:21:23):
about how they really feel about you and respect you or disrespect you.

(00:21:26):
Because obviously,

(00:21:28):
if someone can't handle you learning to express how you feel and coming and saying

(00:21:32):
how you feel,

(00:21:33):
then that also says a lot about them and their care for us,

(00:21:36):
doesn't it?

(00:21:37):
Yes, very much.

(00:21:38):
Taking a step towards advocating for yourself definitely encourages the people who

(00:21:44):
are meant for you to come into your life and also those who don't understand you to

(00:21:48):
kind of filter themselves out.

(00:21:50):
You're able to identify those who don't get you and perhaps maintain your distance

(00:21:56):
from them where possible.

(00:21:57):
You want to surround yourself with those who understand you because you deserve to

(00:22:01):
be surrounded by people who understand you and make you feel worthy.

(00:22:05):
Yeah, so I find myself talking about the drama triangle quite a lot with my clients.

(00:22:09):
We've got an episode on that as well.

(00:22:10):
If you want to flick a few episodes back to that, I think it was one of the earlier ones.

(00:22:16):
It's where people get stuck in specific roles, even from one conversation to another.

(00:22:23):
And it's very much about how we're seeing each other and how we're behaving in

(00:22:27):
response to each other.

(00:22:29):
Obviously, your speciality is in relationship coaching.

(00:22:32):
What happens if you've got one person in a relationship who can be really

(00:22:38):
articulate and able to share on the spot really well about how they feel?

(00:22:42):
And then you've got somebody else who needs time and space before they're able to

(00:22:46):
share how they feel without somebody trying to rescue them and saying,

(00:22:50):
tell them how they think they're feeling.

(00:22:52):
How do you advise people in a relationship like that to have good communication

(00:22:56):
around emotional needs?

(00:22:59):
What you just described could very easily be a recipe for disaster.

(00:23:04):
And as long

(00:23:05):
As long as people are stuck in their roles of verbalizing their emotions for the

(00:23:10):
person who can and the other person struggling and needing time,

(00:23:13):
it will continue to be that way until they recognize this is a pattern and they

(00:23:18):
need a break out of it.

(00:23:19):
So where one person or both people need to step up to understand that this is the

(00:23:23):
dynamic they're stuck in and why this is happening is because one person is able to

(00:23:27):
communicate better and the other isn't.

(00:23:29):
And like I said before, we've learned that communication is the key.

(00:23:33):
Communication can solve every problem.

(00:23:35):
For the person who's communicating,

(00:23:37):
it can feel like,

(00:23:38):
oh my God,

(00:23:38):
my partner can't give me the most basic fundamental thing.

(00:23:42):
You know,

(00:23:42):
that person could feel that what is going on,

(00:23:44):
why aren't we able to have a conversation?

(00:23:46):
But it's really about noticing that your partner cannot do this in this moment.

(00:23:52):
It's about accepting that you need to find a different way to resolve it.

(00:23:56):
not just coming at them with everything that you have to say,

(00:23:59):
because that's just adding to what they need to process.

(00:24:02):
And the person who is struggling to process and verbalize,

(00:24:05):
being able to ask for that time and not just engaging in that conversation and

(00:24:10):
continuing to feel miserable about it.

(00:24:12):
It's being able to step back, say that, you know,

(00:24:15):
Maybe I can't put a word to it right now, but I need to step back.

(00:24:18):
At a point, you start to feel distressed and hopefully by then you can identify it.

(00:24:23):
The situation doesn't always have to get super tense to be able to do it.

(00:24:27):
It will get better over time.

(00:24:28):
When it reaches a point of tension where you do realize that this is feeling

(00:24:32):
uncomfortable,

(00:24:33):
maybe you don't know what the emotion is,

(00:24:36):
but just having an umbrella term like distressed or uncomfortable to identify it to

(00:24:41):
help you to step back can be really

(00:24:43):
useful so just stepping back from it and finding a different way to really

(00:24:47):
communicate so some people can be really benefited by writing down how they feel so

(00:24:53):
if they sit down with a paper and pen they may actually be able to articulate a lot

(00:24:57):
better or having a safe space to verbalize it like through a voice note where

(00:25:03):
you're not having a person in front of you and you're feeling judged by them

(00:25:06):
some people process through talking some people process through writing it's about

(00:25:11):
finding what's your way of processing so that you can then step back into the

(00:25:16):
situation and also create that situation like you could write to your partner

(00:25:21):
instead of having a face-to-face conversation with them so

(00:25:24):
It's about really both people working together to understand one another and come

(00:25:29):
up with a way that works for them and not just go by this works for me,

(00:25:33):
you have to stick by it and we need to work through our conflict this way.

(00:25:36):
But really innovating and coming up with that way that works for you as a couple or

(00:25:42):
as a friendship or whatever it is.

(00:25:44):
Yes.

(00:25:45):
And I think that there are a lot of people out there who are in the same boat and

(00:25:49):
they may think that other people are able to talk about their emotions better than

(00:25:52):
them,

(00:25:52):
but maybe they also have challenges as well with this.

(00:25:55):
Absolutely.

(00:25:56):
The end goal is always to realize that you're not against one another.

(00:26:01):
It's like the tools are there to help you work things around.

(00:26:05):
And so finding a way to make the best of it.

(00:26:08):
And really innovating and coming up with what's suitable for your unique dynamic,

(00:26:13):
whether it's as a family,

(00:26:15):
as a couple,

(00:26:16):
in a workspace.

(00:26:17):
Just really understanding that each individual does have their own unique needs.

(00:26:23):
Before we go,

(00:26:23):
I just also want to make our listeners aware that alexithymia does make some people

(00:26:29):
particularly vulnerable to abusive situations.

(00:26:32):
And the statistics,

(00:26:34):
for example,

(00:26:35):
of autistic women is something like around 95% of autistic women have experienced

(00:26:41):
sexually abusive situations in some way now.

(00:26:44):
It's quite complex as well.

(00:26:46):
Alexithymia is thought to play a role in that as well as camouflaging behaviours,

(00:26:51):
not really feeling able to understand or say no or give consent in a situation and

(00:26:58):
going along with what people think they are supposed to do or just,

(00:27:02):
quite frankly,

(00:27:03):
abusive situations or all sorts of

(00:27:05):
different scenarios there but certainly for myself in the coaching space when my

(00:27:10):
clients begin to understand alexithymia for many of them it's also a vulnerable

(00:27:16):
moment too where they are realizing and going through past experiences and seeing

(00:27:22):
how that has impacted on

(00:27:24):
things that they have gone through and how they have understood situations

(00:27:30):
obviously to work some of those through more deeply that's something to go and talk

(00:27:34):
to a therapist about but just really to make all of you aware who are listening

(00:27:38):
that this is a topic and it is a trait that can make others vulnerable and so yes

(00:27:47):
let's just be aware of that

(00:27:49):
I notice and I have quite a few clients who are actually really intellectual very

(00:27:55):
good at knowing a lot about emotions maybe even helping other people work through

(00:28:00):
their emotions and yet themselves also have an element of alexithymia within how

(00:28:06):
they interact in terms of their own emotional walk so yeah what's your advice

(00:28:13):
Niti?

(00:28:14):
On this journey of learning about yourself, there can be surprises.

(00:28:18):
It's about being open,

(00:28:20):
being curious to understand yourself better and to know about yourself better and

(00:28:25):
accept whatever comes along on that path of self-discovery.

(00:28:30):
So if alexithymia is something that you are starting to learn about and starting to

(00:28:36):
relate to,

(00:28:37):
it's about empowering yourself with

(00:28:40):
the knowledge, tools, and people really who understand you.

(00:28:44):
So having safe spaces to talk about it,

(00:28:48):
being able to share your thoughts,

(00:28:50):
whether that is in a journal or in an online post,

(00:28:55):
whatever makes you feel empowered,

(00:28:57):
whatever helps you really express and feel empowered by it,

(00:29:02):
because this is something to be proud of.

(00:29:05):
This is something to be empowered by.

(00:29:06):
And this is something that's really gonna help you

(00:29:10):
better your life better your relationships that's the whole point of understanding

(00:29:15):
yourself better there's no point in just having the understanding and it's not

(00:29:20):
helping you in some way so it's now about finding ways that you can work with it to

(00:29:26):
better your life whatever that looks like to you whether that's bettering your

(00:29:31):
relationships whether that's bettering your work routine somehow it's

(00:29:35):
about just creating the most fulfilling life for yourself.

(00:29:39):
So this journey of learning about yourself is for you.

(00:29:42):
Don't forget that.

(00:29:43):
It's really that this is only a difference.

(00:29:46):
You have your own unique strengths and this is simply a difference.

(00:29:50):
There is nothing wrong with you.

(00:29:53):
This is something that is meant to be incorporated and worked around in your

(00:29:58):
relationships and that doesn't make you any less worthy of

(00:30:02):
Having your needs met,

(00:30:03):
feeling loved,

(00:30:04):
feeling worthy and feeling that affection in any way,

(00:30:08):
shape or form.

(00:30:09):
You deserve to be loved and there is absolutely nothing wrong in asking for what

(00:30:16):
you need and taking the time,

(00:30:18):
space and using the tools that help you out.

(00:30:21):
So definitely,

(00:30:23):
as we've been saying,

(00:30:24):
there is never any shame in finding somebody safe for you to talk with about this.

(00:30:30):
If this topic today of alexithymia has brought up some things that you'd like to

(00:30:36):
talk through or work through,

(00:30:37):
find a therapist,

(00:30:39):
find a counsellor.

(00:30:40):
a coach,

(00:30:41):
a mentor,

(00:30:42):
a trusted friend,

(00:30:43):
someone who you feel safe with and you know you're safe with.

(00:30:46):
Don't struggle alone when you are working things like this through,

(00:30:50):
but go and find out more about these things.

(00:30:53):
Find a safe person and obviously Niti is here as well,

(00:30:56):
particularly for the context of relationships.

(00:30:59):
If you haven't downloaded my free alexithymia resource kit,

(00:31:03):
then I'll pop the link below as well as Nitti's contact links for you so that you

(00:31:08):
can get in touch with her.

(00:31:10):
I do primarily one-to-one coaching.

(00:31:13):
I have a link that you can use to book a free consultation call with me and we can

(00:31:18):
lay out a roadmap for you.

(00:31:21):
in terms of what I can coach you on and what is the best approach going forward.

(00:31:27):
And if you would like to then work with me,

(00:31:30):
work through that,

(00:31:31):
address every limiting belief,

(00:31:34):
find the tools that work for you and really get to a place of peace and joy to feel

(00:31:41):
safe and fulfilled in your relationships.

(00:31:43):
Just a reminder as well if you are in a leadership position in any way in any

(00:31:49):
context please watch out for alexithymia that you're not being coercive to people

(00:31:55):
by trying to insist on having decisions and answers straight away from them.

(00:32:00):
There are lots of us who actually just need time to consider and don't even get me

(00:32:05):
started on marketing tactics that make somebody make decisions straight away.

(00:32:09):
It's not

(00:32:10):
that people with alexithymia cannot make decisions they absolutely can it's more

(00:32:15):
about actually needing to feel safe and not rushed and giving a person time to be

(00:32:20):
certain and you know whether that takes five minutes of somebody not pushing or

(00:32:24):
whether that takes five days or five months who knows there is a lot to this but

(00:32:30):
yes Niti thank you so much for joining me today it's really been a joy to talk

(00:32:35):
with you

(00:32:36):
Thank you, Andrea.

(00:32:37):
This has been lovely talking to you and I hope it's insightful for all your listeners.

(00:32:43):
So whatever you're doing this week,

(00:32:45):
please watch out for alexithymia in yourself and others around you.

(00:32:49):
Watch out for how you are able to express and share your own emotions and be

(00:32:53):
patient with other people if they need a little bit.

(00:32:56):
more time and remember that one of the best strategies for coping with alexithymia

(00:33:01):
is simply slowing down and slowing the situation down.

(00:33:07):
Thanks so much for joining me and I look forward to welcoming you again next time.