"Be Your Best Self"

You know that phrase, “Be your best self”? This episode rips it wide open: from its shiny, self-help packaging to the industrial shame complex underneath.

Erica and Erin are joined by media scholar Laurie Ouellette to break down how makeover reality shows (Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, The Biggest Loser, Wife Swap, etc.) didn’t just make for good TV;  they quietly rewired our ideas about help, worthiness, and personal responsibility. What we mistake for glow-ups, might be about control.

Find out more about Laurie Ouellette…

Buy one of her books: https://bookshop.org/contributors/laurie-ouellette

• Viewers Like You?: How Public TV Failed the People (2002)
• Better Living Through Reality TV: Television and Post-Welfare Citizenship (2008)
• Reality TV: Remaking Television Culture (2009)
• The Media Studies Reader (2012)
• A Companion to Reality Television (2014)
• Keywords for Media Studies (2017)
• Lifestyle TV (2016)

Read her work as Editor-in-Chief of the academic journal "Television and New Media:" https://us.sagepub.com/en-us/nam/journal/television-new-media

Or as a Columnist at Film Quarterly: https://filmquarterly.org/tag/laurie-ouellette/

Transcript

Be Your Best Self

Trash Talk — Episode 10 | May 13, 2025

Episode Summary

In this episode, Erica Breuer and Erin Thomas welcome Laurie Ouellette, a media studies scholar, to unpack how reality TV turned self-improvement into a moral obligation. They explore the hidden messages behind makeover shows, the culture of constant self-work, and what it really means to “be your best self” beyond cliches and pressure.

Table of Contents

• Intro
• Main Topic 1: The Cult of Reality TV Makeovers and Self-Improvement
• Main Topic 2: Rethinking “Be Your Best Self” Beyond Performance Culture
• Guest Interview Highlights
• Key Takeaways
• Call to Action

Intro

Erica and Erin open by reflecting on the familiar comfort of reality TV makeovers—watching strangers’ lives transform in a short time. They introduce their guest, Laurie Ouellette, associate professor at the University of Minnesota and author of Better Living Through Reality TV, who helps unpack how shows like Extreme Makeover Home Edition shape cultural narratives around self-improvement as a moral duty.

Main Topic 1: The Cult of Reality TV Makeovers and Self-Improvement

Laurie explains how makeover shows operate as sponsored entertainment blending emotional storytelling with advertising. While the shows depict supportive communities, they mask the reality that society often lacks that support. These shows promote the idea that transformation is possible—but only if you “deserve” it, often justified by hardship or trauma.

The conversation explores how these narratives emerged during the 2000s amid privatization and shifts in public support, creating a cultural gap filled by TV’s version of charity and self-help. They discuss how makeover and reality shows use shame and tough love, presenting cautionary tales designed to motivate constant self-improvement and avoid failure.

Erica and Laurie also touch on related themes in shows like Wife Swap and The Biggest Loser, noting the unrealistic urgency to “fix” yourself and the emotional toll it promotes. They highlight how these narratives deepen divides, blaming individuals for struggles rather than acknowledging systemic issues, often reinforcing hierarchies based on gender, race, and class.

Main Topic 2: Rethinking “Be Your Best Self” Beyond Performance Culture

Laurie and the hosts discuss how makeover culture has evolved into broader personal development trends that still trap people in cycles of self-optimization and moral obligation. Laurie suggests reframing “be your best self” toward kindness and outward connection rather than constant self-surveillance or achievement.

Erica shares how observing joyful, simple moments of connection—like elderly couples playing ping pong—can redefine transformation as communal and playful rather than pressured and isolating.

They agree that true transformation happens in solidarity with others, shifting from “fix yourself” narratives toward collective well-being and envisioning a world with more balance, play, and shared care.

Guest Interview Highlights

• Laurie Ouellette on how reality TV makeover shows serve as emotional advertisements and cultural stand-ins for lacking social support.
• The paradox of makeover shows: community care on screen versus societal gaps off screen.
• The role of shame, tough love, and “rock bottom” narratives in motivating self-improvement.
• How transformation narratives often reinforce gender, race, and class hierarchies.
• Laurie’s reframing of “be your best self” as kindness and connection, not just self-optimization.
• Erica’s reflections on finding transformation in everyday joyful moments with others.

Key Takeaways

• Reality TV makeover shows played a significant role in shaping cultural expectations of self-improvement as a moral obligation.
• These shows blend emotional storytelling with advertising and rely on narratives of hardship and deservingness.
• The “fix yourself” mindset contributes to exhaustion, stress, and a culture of judgment around personal success.
• Transformation is more sustainable and meaningful when rooted in community, kindness, and shared experience.
• Reframing “be your best self” away from performance and self-blame toward outward compassion can break cycles of pressure.

Call to Action

Subscribe to Trash Talk for more conversations that cut through cultural clichés and explore deeper truths. Leave a review and share your thoughts on how you define “being your best self.” Connect with us and Laurie Ouellette through the links below.

Show Notes & Links

• Follow Erica Breuer: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ericabreuer/
• Follow Erin Thomas: https://www.linkedin.com/in/iamerinthomas/
• Follow Laurie Ouellette: https://cla.umn.edu/commstud/faculty/all-faculty/laurie-ouellette
• Visit Trash Talk Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2451264