"Stop Apologizing" with Kelly Elaine Garthwaite

They say you should stop apologizing. But is that always true?

We sat down with Kelly Elaine Garthwaite who shares how the phrase “stop apologizing” reshaped her life, and how she (and we) still question the situations where it truly applies.

Here’s to figuring out where apologies belong… and where they don’t!

The Trash Talk Hotline

Ever received bad advice?

Is there a self-help cliche or phrase you just can’t stand?

Leave a message on the Trash Talk hotline at (719) 819-2175—your story could be featured in a future episode. 

And while you’re at it, subscribe, drop a review, and pass this episode along to your fellow skeptics ;)

About Our Guest

Kelly Elaine Garthwaite

Co-host of The Naked Room youtube.com/@thenakedroompod or

Founder Living in Kindness Substack/YouTube www.youtube.com/@KellyGarthwaite

Follow her on LinkedIn www.linkedin.com/in/kelly-garthwaite/

Other Links & Resources

Libro.fm is an audiobook platform that lets you listen to great books while supporting your favorite independent bookstore.

Get three audiobooks for the price of one with a new membership: 

Use code TRASHTALK

https://libro.fm/membership

Follow Erica Breuer: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ericabreuer/

Follow Erin Thomas: https://www.linkedin.com/in/iamerinthomas/

Visit Trash Talk Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2451264

Transcript

"Stop Apologizing" with Kelly Elaine Garthwaite

Trash Talk — Episode 33 | March 2026

Episode Summary:
In this episode, Erica Breuer and Erin Thomas explore the cultural programming around women apologizing for existing. Guest Kelly shares her personal story of transformation after realizing the power of unapologetically stepping into her life. Together, they discuss practical ways to shift language and support women without judgment.

Table of Contents

• Intro
• The Impact of “Stop Apologizing”
• Practical Language Shifts for Everyday Apologies
• Generational Perspectives on Apologizing
• Guest Interview Highlights
• Key Takeaways
• Call to Action

Intro

Welcome to Trash Talk, the podcast where we unpack culture, communication, and the subtle ways society shapes our behavior. Today, we’re diving into a topic that hits close to home for many women: the habit of apologizing for existing. With guest Kelly, we explore how to break free from over-apologizing and embrace a more confident, unapologetic life.

The Impact of “Stop Apologizing”

Kelly shares her journey of learning not to apologize unnecessarily. Raised in Virginia with traditional Baby Boomer parents, she grew up being “polite to a fault,” constantly worrying about offending others or “rocking the boat.” She recalls her turning point at age 30 during a session with Phil Stutz, a therapist known for his work with high-profile clients:

“Phil said, ‘Kelly, you’re really nice, but this [over-apologizing] needs to be eradicated immediately.’ It snapped me out of a lifetime of apologizing for existing. From that moment, I felt permission to step into my power.”

Erin adds that growing up in the South, she relates to that programming. For many women, societal expectations pressure them to stay quiet, polite, and self-erasing. Learning to step away from these expectations as adults is a powerful, liberating experience.

Practical Language Shifts for Everyday Apologies

While women often apologize excessively, genuine apologies still have a place. Kelly and Erica discuss strategies to differentiate between unnecessary apologies and sincere acknowledgment of mistakes:

• Shift from “I’m sorry” to neutral phrasing:
  • Instead of: “Sorry I didn’t send this sooner.”
  • Try: “I normally send these sooner—thanks for your patience.”
• Use lighthearted acknowledgment:
  • Example: “Oh geez, just realized I didn’t send this,” instead of leading with “sorry.”
• Recognize when an apology is clearing the air versus apologizing for existence.

They note that men often don’t lead with apologies in professional or social settings, highlighting a gendered pattern in communication.

Generational Perspectives on Apologizing

Generational differences play a role in how women respond to the idea of stopping apologies:

• Younger and middle-aged women may benefit from guidance in letting go of over-apologizing, especially in judgment-free contexts.
• Older women may have naturally reduced apologies over time, gaining confidence and autonomy.
• Seeing role models, from parents to mentors, demonstrates the balance between unapologetic confidence and sincere acknowledgment.

Kelly emphasizes that tone and intention matter more than the words themselves. When “stop apologizing” is delivered judgmentally, it can feel critical instead of empowering.

Guest Interview Highlights

• Kelly on her turning point with Phil Stutz:
  “It was a snap of the fingers. I’d been waiting for someone with authority to tell me, ‘This needs to change,’ and it gave me permission to stop existing the way I had been.”
• Erica on managing professional apologies:
  “Instead of leading with sorry, you can acknowledge the situation lightly and show awareness without diminishing yourself.”
• On teaching the next generation:
  “I’m raising a daughter unapologetically, showing her that you can be confident without erasing yourself.”
• The subtle difference in intention:
  • Genuine: “You don’t need to apologize for that.”
  • Judgmental: “Stop apologizing.”

Key Takeaways

• Over-apologizing can stem from deep societal and familial programming.
• Unapologetic living allows women to step into their power without fear.
• Words and tone matter: support and encouragement are more effective than judgment.
• Generational shifts show a trend toward less habitual apologizing as women age and gain confidence.
• Small language changes in professional and personal life can reduce unnecessary self-erasure.
• Mentorship, therapy, and trusted relationships are key to internalizing these lessons.

Call to Action

If you found this episode helpful:

• Follow Kelly Elaine Garthwaite:
  • Co-host of The Naked Room: youtube.com/@thenakedroompod
  • Founder of Living in Kindness www.youtube.com/@KellyGarthwaite
  • LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/kelly-garthwaite/
• Subscribe to Trash Talk
• Leave a review to share your thoughts.
• Follow Erica Breuer on LinkedIn and Erin Thomas on LinkedIn.
• Visit the Trash Talk website for more resources and related episodes.

Related Episode: https://www.buzzsprout.com/admin/2451264/episodes/16735649-self-care-isn-t-selfish