Episode 99 - Common Limiting Beliefs That Keep You Out of Alignment

We challenge the hidden beliefs that cap our growth and replace them with language and practices that open real possibility.

• defining limiting beliefs versus liberating beliefs
• early conditioning and how family scripts shape identity
• the “can’t” reframe to “having trouble”
• common limiting beliefs and how they appear

Thanks so much for listening. If you'd like to stay connected, visit risingwithsarah.com to sign up for my newsletter and be the first to know about new retreats and offerings to help you live with more joy and authenticity

Related Episodes:

Listen to part two of this discussion: Ep 101 Limiting Beliefs and Language: How to Recognize and Reframe Thoughts That Hold You Back

Episode 4 - Gratitude vs. Scarcity

Episode 68 - Six Essential Questions for Inner Growth and Getting Unstuck

Episode 76 - The Growth Mindset Reset: How to Redefine Success and Embrace Failure

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:05

Ever catch yourself thinking, I'm never going to be able to do this? Or I can't change, I am so stuck. In this episode, we'll uncover the hidden limiting beliefs that quietly shape our choices and keep us from living fully and authentically. I'll share some of the most common beliefs I see and how they show up in everyday life. Then, on Friday, we'll dive deeper, exploring limiting language and a simple three-step process to notice, challenge, and reframe the beliefs that hold us back. Welcome to Roots of the Rise with me, Sarah Hope, where spiritual wisdom meets practical tools in short, bite-sized episodes. These are tasters, not deep dives, designed to spark curiosity and guide you toward authentic alignment so you can discover who you truly are, release what holds you back, and rise to your best self. Today we are talking about limiting beliefs because they have been coming up a lot lately. I am talking about them in the authentic alignment course I'm teaching. They've come up in almost every spiritual mentoring session I've had this week, even in conversations with friends. I am hearing so many. I can't, I'm never, I really should. And I get it. So many of us, myself included, walk around with limiting beliefs hardwired into us.

Defining Limiting vs Liberating Beliefs

SPEAKER_00 1:32

So what are they? Limiting beliefs, they are a deeply held thought or assumption that places artificial boundaries on what we believe is possible for ourselves. Limiting beliefs shape our behavior, our decisions, and the way we perceive life, often preventing growth and authentic expression. Common examples are things like, I'm not enough, I'm a failure, I should be better at this, I need to take care of others before myself, I can't. You might hear someone say, I will never be good at this, showing the underlying belief that they can't change, can't grow, can't learn a new way. Liberating beliefs, on the other hand, do the opposite. They are thoughts or assumptions that expand what we see as possible and align with our authentic self. As with most beliefs we have about ourselves, they often unconsciously shape our behavior and manifest as resilience, determination, willpower. Liberating beliefs open us to new opportunities, to growth, and to authentic, aligned action. For example, instead of saying, I'll never be good at this, a liberating belief would say, I can learn and improve with practice. The underlying belief is I am capable of growth and learning. Of course, these beliefs often get programmed into us at a young age. You know, as parents, we carry so much responsibility to raise our kids in ways that give them the right tools, the right ways of thinking about things and beliefs about themselves. And it's important to highlight this because I think it can help us as adults see that a lot of the crap we tell ourselves isn't really our own. It's our parents' limiting beliefs passed down to us. That said, once we become adults, it's our responsibility to change our limiting beliefs. It's our responsibility to become a better version of ourselves. Ultimately, it doesn't matter where the hardship came from. It doesn't matter where the limiting beliefs originated. What matters is what you do about it. And that's exactly where limiting beliefs can actually make it harder. They can make life harder. And liberating beliefs, on the other hand, can be so powerful.

Reframing “Can’t” to “Having Trouble”

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Randomly, this interview with Matthew McConaughey came across my feed and he was talking about one of the lessons he learned from his parents. He said he got in big trouble if he ever said, I can't do something. His dad would just look at him and ask, Can't? Or are you just having trouble? That's one of the most powerful reframes I've heard in a long time. So simple. It shifts the perspective from impossibility to challenge. Is it really that you can't, or are you just having trouble? Where in your life are you telling yourself, I can't? When I think about myself, for instance, I used to hate public speaking. I would say, I can't get up in front of a crowd. Now, look, I was a performer. I mean, if if you go back to high school, I did tons of musical theater. I did tons of uh performing with my violin and piano and music in general. But there was a difference because in both of those situations, I was merely an expression of something else coming through me. I wasn't expressing something that I thought. It wasn't my belief or my music. I was just kind of illustrating it, right? But in the classroom where I was being expected to formulate a thought about something, I hated it. I could not do it. I was so afraid of being judged. I was so afraid of saying the wrong thing that I would much rather just stay quiet. Teachers would often comment, you know, Sarah doesn't speak up in class. She doesn't participate, she doesn't share as much as she could. And of course, that stemmed from my home life. I mean, I never knew the right answer at home. There was never a right answer. And I understood the potential consequences if I got it wrong. They were catastrophic. So it was always safer to be quiet, even though I got in trouble for that too. But what do I do for a living now? I mean, I speak in front of people. I'm the one giving the lecture in front of the class. So how did I get here? How did I overcome that deep-rooted fear, that limiting belief telling me you can't be the one teaching. You will say something wrong. You will get in trouble, you will be rejected. That belief that made perfect sense to my child mind, but did not serve me as an adult? Well, the first step with any limiting belief is simply knowing that you have one. Awareness is key to inner growth and development of any type. You have to know there's a problem in order to start working on it. And I knew I was miserable and insecure and full of self-doubt. Can't, should, must. I mean, those were mainstays in my languaging about myself and my life. But awareness isn't everything. You have to be motivated to change and you need the tools to actually do it. This is why often we have to hit rock bottom to some degree before we really start to create change in our worlds, and why it is so hard to do it by yourself. We need support. We need tools and techniques. For me, it was heart-based meditation and spiritual mentoring combined with craniosacral therapy. That was the ticket. That gave it all to me. It heightened my awareness, both of my beliefs and my languaging. It gave me tools for changing both. It stabilized me so that I felt strong and capable for the first time in probably my whole life. And I became deeply motivated to share that knowledge. I felt a strong need to get over my fear of being in front of people in order to share what I felt like was the most important knowledge there is to share. So today we have to start somewhere. And I thought we'd begin by talking about just a few of the most common limiting beliefs I encounter. Not all of them. There are many versions of what I'm about to discuss, but I just want to highlight the ones that I've been hearing the most often lately. On Friday, we're going to talk about limiting language and how deeply that impacts us more specifically. But for today, we're just going to cover limiting beliefs, because otherwise, that's just way too much for one episode. So let's get into

Common Belief 1: I’m Not Enough

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it. Here's the first one. I'm not enough. I don't have what it takes, or along the same lines, I don't deserve happiness, success, or love. You know, these show up as insecurity, perfectionism, comparison, overcompensation, and sometimes what looks like egotistical behavior. I mean, that was definitely me. I got in high school, I got voted most egotistical, which always blew my mind because I was the most insecure. I thought, I thought I was worthless. I mean, it made zero sense to me at the time. I get it now as an adult. We're not getting into all of it now. But at the time, I was so confused because I thought I was like the most worthless piece of crap in our class. But anyway, um, it didn't come across that way. And this is really common, you know, because at the core, you know, this is a belief of inadequacy and unworthiness. You might also notice it as self-sabotage, often rooted in guilt, shame, or early conditioning. Is this one of yours? Do you tell yourself, I could never do that, or I'm never going to be deeply loved. That ship has sailed, or I am not worthy of this. I don't deserve this. Number

Common Belief 2: Failure Means I’m A Failure

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two, if I fail, it means I'm a failure. Or if I make a bad choice, I'm a bad person. This belief shows up as playing it safe, staying stuck, indecision. It keeps us from taking risks, from growing, from aligning with our true path. This is a problem of over-identification. We take ownership of an action and globalize it into our entire identity. One mistake suddenly becomes proof of who we are. What about you? Is this you? Do you hesitate to try new things or to take a risk because you don't want to be a failure? Are you still judging yourself harshly for something you did 10, 20, 30 years ago? Number

Common Belief 3: Other People's Needs Matter More Than Mine

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three. This is a big one. Others' people's needs are more important than mine. Or, kind of along the same lines, I have to do it all on my own. This often shows up as people-pleasing or overgiving, typically rooted in a fear of abandonment or rejection. It causes us to lose alignment with our own needs and desires. I beautifully demonstrated this one the other night. My husband had set up a family movie night, just, you know, at home on the couch. And a few minutes into the movie, I got up and I started doing dishes, laundry, clearing off the dining table, you know, all the things that had kind of accumulated over the course of the week. And I left him in the kiddo to watch the movie. Later, he said something like, I hate that you prioritize household tasks over spending time with the family. And of course, that got my dander up. You know, I explained that I am hyper aware of how much is on all of our plates right now. And if I start letting things slide, especially during quote unquote downtime, when in my mind, we're just sitting there and watching a movie. It's not like we're actively engaged with one another, then like it can snowball and I can end up doing laundry nonstop for hours or decluttering mountains on the table if I let things go for too long. And he said, Well, why don't you just ask for help? You know, the kiddo and I can chip in. It'll cut down the time so you know we can all relax together. And in his defense, to be fair, anytime I ask my husband to help, he does without hesitation. It's, I mean, it's one of the reasons why he is such a great partner. But I have to ask. And that's where this limiting belief shows up that I need to do it all on my own and that my husband's relaxation time is somehow more important than mine. I mean, there is a clear through line here to being a child who was constantly told it was my job to take care of my mother's emotional well-being. Interestingly, I don't take all my clients' stuff and I have like healthy boundaries with friends and other family. I even am like I work really hard and very conscientious about teaching my son to be responsible for his own emotions and never mine. But with my husband, the lines blur. I feel like I have to prove my worth. And that's not on him, that's me. I'm working on it. That's all we can do. And I'll get some ways we could do it in a minute. But, you know, what about you? Is this you? Are you someone who, you know, always says yes, even when you want to say no, who is always doing everything. And hey, if you're happy with that, that's one thing. But if you're not, if you're finding yourself full of resentment or getting burned out, then this might be something you want to look at. Which brings me to limiting belief number four

Common Belief 4: I Can’t Change

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for today. I can't change or it's too late for me. This belief often shows up as giving up or resignation. It closes off possibility and growth. And it can be a way of protecting ourselves from disappointment by not even trying. And this one is always so sad to me. You know, society has sold us this idea that old dogs can't learn new tricks. And yet I am living proof that we can. My clients, all of them, are living proof that you can deeply change how you interact with yourself and your life and your relationships, all of it. You know, sometimes when we say, this is who I am, take it or leave it, we're not establishing a boundary or practicing self-love. I mean, sometimes you are. But sometimes we're closing ourselves off from wonderful possibilities. It can be a defense mechanism that limits us instead of protects us. Yes, there are parts of our personality that are just who we are, and that's okay. You know, the people meant to be in our lives will love and appreciate us exactly for that. We'll get to that one. But I think about a friend I met during a training. You know, we got really close, and at, but at the end, she warned me she doesn't do long-distance friendships well. You know, phone and text don't work for her. She is an in-person kind of friend, fully present when she's with you, not good at communicating when she's not. And you know, she had the awareness piece down. She was right. When she was with you, I have never met a more fully present person. And yet, if you're not physically near her, she completely drops off the radar. Now, if she were happy with this, it'd be one thing. But you know what I heard her say often? That she was lonely, that she didn't have deep friendships, that she was too much for people, that no one stuck around. And I think about that because it's a perfect example of how this limiting belief works. If you are deeply content with your life, there's no need for change, fine. But if you find yourself unhappy, if you notice a pattern where people don't stay or things feel lacking, if people are consistently telling you the same thing, instead of doubling down and saying, it's too late for me, I can't change, maybe it's worth looking at those parts of yourself you've been using as an excuse. This is who I am can be a shield that pushes people away. It can feel like self-love, but sometimes it's actually fear in disguise. Don't let it close you off from connection, growth, and the richness that's possible when you allow yourself to change. And so here's another limiting belief, number five, that unconsciously does

Common Belief 5: My Truth Will Be Rejected

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the same thing. If I show who I really am, I'll be rejected. This belief shows up as performing, lying, making inauthentic choices. We hide our truth for fear of judgment. The result? A sense of superficiality and a lack of deep alignment. I mean, basically the first 25 years of my life. I mean, doing what I should do instead of what felt actually aligned. What about you? Have you ever done something just because you really wanted to fit in, really wanted to be liked? Or have you ever hidden an aspect of yourself because you were afraid if you showed your true colors, you would be rejected.

Bonus: Scarcity Mindset

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And even though I was gonna stick with five because that's a nice number, I just can't not mention this one, which is I don't have enough. Fill in the blank. Scarcity mindset is rampant right now. I don't have enough time, money, love. This belief fuels anxiety and overwork. Do you do this? Do you catch yourself really focusing on what you lack in your life, this sense of there's never enough, whatever it is? Remember, where attention goes, energy flows. I talk about this in detail in episode four. I'll link that in the show notes.

Tease: Limiting Language & Next Steps

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I'm going to stop things here for today. I know, I know the worst, right? To realize, oh my goodness, I have this limiting belief, but you're not going to tell me what to do about it. Not just yet. First of all, that's a lot for one episode. I started to put it all into one, and then I realized it was going to go way over 20 minutes, and I do like to keep things short. And secondly, I want to dive a bit deeper into something I call limiting language before we talk about solutions, how we speak to ourselves, about our lives, about what we want or don't want. It really matters, and it can either reinforce these beliefs or help us shift them. So come Friday, we'll continue this conversation. I will go over the limiting beliefs again, explore the role of language, and share a simple three-step process you can start using right away to work with them. As a quick note, there will be an episode on Wednesday, but it's a special one. It's the hundredth episode. I want to give myself some space to see what naturally comes forward for that milestone. So it will be a little different, a little celebratory, and I'm excited to share it with you. Thanks so much for listening. If you'd like to stay connected, visit risingwithsarah.com to sign up for my newsletter and be the first to know about new retreats and offerings to help you live with more joy and authenticity. Remember, know who you are, love who you've been, and be willing to do the work to become who you're meant to be. Just a quick reminder this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist, and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician, therapist, or any other qualified provider. That said, I hope it inspires you to grow, heal, and seek the support you need to thrive.