Why You Don't Trust Your Own Decisions

You make decisions every day but you don't believe in them. So you ask everyone else first. Here's what's really going on - and how to actually start trusting yourself instead of seeking permission from everyone around you.

Transcript

Tiana De Rey: Welcome back to Fierce Mindset. I'm Tiana De Rey.

So I was working with someone last week - really successful person, making good money, looks like they have it all figured out on the surface. And they opened up to me about something that's been eating at them.

They said: "Tiana, I can tell my friends exactly what to do. I see the answers clearly for them. But when it comes to my own decisions? I freeze. I need someone else to validate what I'm choosing before I can move forward."

And I heard that and I just... I got it. Because I lived that for years. Years of asking everyone but myself what I should do.

And here's what I realized - it's not a character flaw. It goes back further than that. It goes back to something that happened when you were young that's still controlling how you move through the world today.

That's what we're diving into today. Because the moment you see this, everything shifts.

Let's go.

Tony Robbins talks about this in a way that just blew my mind when I first heard it. Our beliefs are like unquestioned commands from our subconscious. They tell us what's possible and what's impossible, what we can and cannot do. They shape every action, every thought, and every feeling we experience.

You didn't wake up one day deciding you couldn't trust yourself. That's learned. That came from somewhere.

When the parent-child relationship doesn't fulfill our emotional and mental needs, we develop limiting beliefs. If our caretakers demand perfectionism, we develop a need for it. These beliefs stay with us for life—until we do the work of overcoming them.

So if you grew up with strict parents. Parents who only showed love when you performed well enough. Parents who criticized instead of encouraged - you learned something deep.

You learned: "I'm only good enough if I'm perfect."

And that belief? It's still there. Running everything.

Perfectionism comes from the belief that we're only worthy of love if everything we do is perfect. It drives our self-criticism, which deflates our self-esteem and creates this cycle we can't escape.

That's why you don't trust your own decisions. Because if you decide something and it turns out wrong, that means YOU'RE wrong. And in your mind, being wrong means you're not worthy.

So you don't decide. You ask other people. You get permission first. That way if it fails, you have someone to blame besides yourself.

But here's the thing - this belief doesn't live in your head. It lives in your nervous system, in your body. You can't think your way out of it.

That's why saying affirmations doesn't work. That's why telling yourself "I trust myself" over and over still leaves you feeling doubt.

Because the belief is in your body. It's the feeling you had as a kid when your parent said you should have done better.

Every time you second-guess yourself and ask someone else for approval, you're proving the belief true.

You're teaching your brain: "I can't be trusted. I need someone smarter to tell me what's right."

It's not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.

That failure you had? You decided it meant you're not capable of making decisions. That criticism from your parent? You made it mean you'll never be good enough.

And now you're walking around your whole life based on that meaning.

You're talented. You're smart. But you're paralyzed by a belief you absorbed as a child from someone who was just doing their best.

And it's costing you. Relationships you didn't pursue. Business decisions you didn't make. Opportunities that passed while you were asking everyone else what they thought.

All because someone taught you that mistakes were unacceptable.

Self-doubt reinforces procrastination and procrastination reinforces self-doubt. It's a cycle that teaches your brain you can't handle anxiety.

Here's how it works:

You face a decision. Your nervous system sees it as dangerous because perfectionism taught you that getting it wrong is catastrophic. So you doubt.

You ask someone else what they think. That calms the anxiety for a minute.

But your brain learns from that: "See? You needed help. You couldn't handle it alone."

So next time you doubt even more. You ask even more people.

And the trap gets tighter.

The whole time you think the problem is the decision itself. It's not. The problem is the belief underneath - the one that says you're not allowed to fail.

You identify the limiting belief, understand what it's costing you, create a new empowering belief, and condition that new belief through daily practice. The whole point is to destroy the belief that's holding you back and replace it with something that moves you forward.

But here's what matters: Logic doesn't dissolve a conviction. Emotion does.

You can't just think your way out. You have to feel your way through.

Here's what you actually do:

First - Find the belief.

Sit down and ask yourself what you learned about perfectionism growing up. What did your parents teach you about mistakes? About being worthy? About failure?

Write it down. Say it out loud. See it for what it is - a belief, not the truth.

Second - Feel where it lives.

Close your eyes and imagine making a decision and it being wrong. Where do you feel it in your body? Your chest? Your stomach? Your throat?

That sensation right there? That's where the belief lives. Not in your thoughts. In your body.

Third - Choose something different.

People who are actually decisive still feel doubt. They just move forward anyway. Decisiveness is a skill you build through practice, not through feeling confident first.

Your new belief doesn't have to be "I'm perfect" or "I never make mistakes." Your new belief is simpler than that.

"I make decisions. I handle what comes. I learn and I keep moving."

That's it.

Fourth - Practice it.

Make a small decision without asking anyone. What to eat. When to start work. How to handle a situation at home.

Then don't ask for validation. Don't tell people and wait for their approval. Just live with it.

Every single time you do this, you're rewiring your nervous system. You're creating new pathways that say: "I can trust myself. I make good decisions. I handle whatever happens."

Fifth - Let the fear be there anyway.

The belief is going to come up. You're going to feel doubt. That's okay. That's normal. You don't have to wait for it to disappear before you move.

When we let go of perfectionism, we discover it's actually the lowest standard we can hold because it leaves no room for growth.

So you're going to fail sometimes. You're going to make decisions that don't work out. And that's going to feel uncomfortable.

But that's where the growth is.

The people who trust their decisions aren't smarter than you. They didn't grow up in perfect families.

Most of them had to do exactly this work. They had to look at the belief and decide it didn't get to run their adult life anymore.

The safest space is inside you—because that's where your inner strength lives.

Your gut knows what you need to do. Your body knows. Your intuition has been trying to tell you for years.

The belief from childhood is just trying to protect you. It's saying "stay small, stay safe, don't risk."

But that's not safety. That's a cage.

Real safety comes from knowing you can handle whatever you decide. Knowing that mistakes are information, not proof that you're broken.

So here's the question I want you to sit with:

What belief from childhood are you still carrying? What did you learn about being worthy? About perfectionism?

And what would open up for you if you released that today?

Because the version of you that makes her own decisions? She's in there. She's waiting.

This is Fierce Mindset. I'm Tiana De Rey.

If this landed, subscribe and leave a comment. Tell me what belief you're letting go of.

Share this with someone who's been trapped by perfectionism without even knowing it.

Tag me on Instagram @TianaDeRey and tell me one decision you're making this week without asking anyone first.

See you in the next episode.