The Pain of Change or the Pain of Staying the Same

You don’t avoid pain in life. You choose it.

This episode will force you to face the one decision most people spend their entire life avoiding. And why staying where you are might be costing you more than changing ever will

#lifechange #comfortzone #fearoftheunknown,

Transcript

Fierce Mindset
Episode: The Pain of Change or the Pain of Staying the Same

Hi and welcome back to Fierce Mindset. I’m Tiana De Rey.

Today's episode comes from my own life inspiration. And I want you to really sit with this.

In life… you don’t get to avoid pain. You get to choose it.

And that's wild, because, according to a study,  like 80% of people are much likely to do something, or to pay in order to move away from pain then they are to move towards pleasure. 
In other words, getting away from pain is a much bigger motivator, for 80% of people then going towards pleasure. 

And You are always choosing between two types of pain:

The pain of change…
or the pain of staying the same.

And neither of them is easy.

So when some people ask me — or sometimes even look at me like I’m crazy —
“ How can you move so many times and start over?

And I get it.

Because when I actually look at it… And how it looks to someone, who has never left their home town. And is terrified of  ever changing anything in their life. I think at this point I’ve changed 5 cities where I lived. And completely started my life over.

Without  relocating for a job, or a job waiting for me. 

I mean I was always able to find some personal training clients, and I had some of my online coaching clients. But never to a point that I didn't need a job or another source of income

Especially now that I'm building my business.

Like I need a steady income, and plus I chose Miami. Hello, let's be real. Not the most affordable place to live.

But also at this point, I’ve become so good at starting over, that its not even a big deal to me.

And even though that may  seem extreme to someone. I know there are a lot of people who would love to be able to take a chance and change their circumstances. Doesn't have to be just the city that they live. Could be a job, or a complete career path change, starting their own business. or get out of a toxic and dysfunctional relationship or marriage that they are in. But they are afraid of the unknown and the pain that it can cause them.

The way I see it, is There are two pains you get to choose from. The one that its going to be immediate, and possibly more impactful, but you get on the other side with a  completely different outcome, maybe even better then you could have even imagined.  
 Or second one that is maybe not as strong, but its consistent, and until the rets of your life.

The Choice Nobody Talks About 

Lets look at the pain of change. People are terrified of change. Like they are unhappy with where they are at. Could be where they live, their job, their relationship.. Whatever it is that they’re unhappy with and it’s causing them pain. 

Something feels off.

But they still won’t change anything.
Because change feels even heavier.

And the real trigger is not even the change itself.

It’s the unknown and the uncertainty.

That’s what people are reacting to.

Because at least where you are right now… you know what to expect. 

Even if it’s not good. And if it’s draining you.

It’s predictable.

And predictable feels safer than uncertain.

Even when uncertain could completely change your life, forever.
 They will still choose the familiar pain.

Change is not easy.

Starting over is not easy.

Adjusting is not easy.

There are moments where you question everything.

There are moments where you feel pressure. AND ask yourself what the F AM I DOING, AND have I completely lost my mind.

But you know what, I have found comfort and inspiration in other great people. Who had the balls to go after what they really want. And achieve great things even if the odds were not in their favor, and if others thought they were crazy and didn't believe in their vision and dreams. 

I mean the worst thing you can do is listen to others, especially in some delicate and personal situations. Only you know how you feel in your own skin. You are the only one in charge of your life. You are the only one who gets to decide how you are going to live your life

I've heard very smart advice that I follow. And that is, if you want to make  a wrong decision, ask everyone.
God gave you your vision and your intuition and your dreams. Don't expect others to understand it. It is for you.

Also you have to know yourself. For example, I am adventurous, like I like excitement. 

I Don’t like a routine so much, and I like variety.

So I see any change like a new adventure 

And, also you need courage to start all over.

But you know what, courage is a muscle. It’s not something you are born with. It’s something you train. Like the more scary or challenging situations you go through. 

The more you are going to be courages

It doesn’t work the other way around. It’s not that you are courageous first and then you say: ok I’m going to do this thing that scares me

No,no.. first you go through shit and then you feel like, ok I got this. Or at least… you learn to trust yourself more.
You get familiar with this feeling of being uncomfortable, and still surviving and being ok, after doing something that scares you. And you learn some new skills.

The more uncomfortable situations you go through… the more you expand.

And the more you realize you can handle things you thought you couldn’t.

But that comes only by going through the experience. 

Now let’s go back to the choice.

The pain of change… or the pain of staying the same.

Why Most people will choose to stay?

Not because it’s better. But because it’s familiar.

They’re afraid of the unknown.

Not the pain itself. Because they are already in pain. They are already suffering, they are already unhappy. But they just came to terms that that's how life is for them

And that slow acceptance is something much worse than making a big mistake.

It's worse than trying and things not working out how you’ve imagined. Because you can always go back to your old pain.

The pain of staying doesn’t do that. It just repeats. Same situation. Same frustration. over and over again.

And that’s why I say, you don’t avoid pain. You choose it.

So you have to decide which one you’re willing to live with.

Because either way, there is going to be discomfort.

But one keeps you exactly where you are.

And the other one actually moves you forward.

So if you’re in a place right now where something feels off…

Where you know you’re not fully aligned…

You need to Ask yourself this:

Am I actually choosing this… or am I avoiding something?

Because if you’re avoiding change, if you are avoiding making a mistake, avoiding being judged, or misunderstood, or failing, or whatever other stupid excuse. You are still making a choice.

You’re choosing the pain of staying the same. You are choosing the silent every day, suffering.

It really comes up to you to decide what pain you are willing to go through. The shift is not going to happen when you miraculously feel ready one day. There is no such moment, It happens only when you decide you’re no longer willing to stay where you are.

Or when you can no longer tolerate the situation you are in. But you know what happens for a lot of people.

They feel like they are at the very end, they can not physically or psychologically tolerate anymore the situation they are in, and they still don't do anything about it. You know what happens then. 

They develop autoimmune diseases, they develop cancer, and all kinds of other symptoms and conditions that doctors can not explain what they have, they just say it's because of stress. And prescribe some meds to cover the symptoms.

I don't know for you. But I believe that I should be happy in my life. I do know that suffering is a part of life. But I will never choose a reality, where suffering is required every single day of my life.  

The pain of change is uncomfortable, but it leads somewhere. It pushes you, it forces you to adjust, to grow, to figure things out.

So if you take anything from this episode, let it be this.

You don’t get to avoid pain. You choose it.

So choose the one that leads somewhere.

I hope this episode gives you enough push, motivation or at least gets you thinking about the choices you are making, and if you are ready for new beginnings. 

And share this episode with someone who needs to hear this message. I'll see you in the next episode