Leadership Horizons

Asking For Help Is A Crucial Leadership Skill

• Lois Burton • Episode 19

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Ever noticed how the higher leaders climb, the more they feel they should have all the answers? This dangerous paradox creates isolation exactly when leaders need support most. Drawing from 24 years and over 30,000 hours coaching senior executives, I explore why asking for help isn't weakness—it's the cornerstone of exceptional leadership. Remember the CEO who lost a major contract because he was too afraid to ask questions? His painful realization became a powerful lesson: "I thought asking questions would make me look weak. Instead, not asking questions made me irrelevant." This leadership trap—believing authority means having all the answers—keeps many leaders from reaching their full potential.

I share five critical warning signs that indicate you need help: 

1.   Facing the same challenges repeatedly, 

 

2.  Feeling paralyzed by decisions, 

 

3.  Watching your team mirror your stress,

 

4.  Realizing you've stopped learning, and 

 

5.  Losing your long-term vision

These aren't signals of inadequacy but opportunities for growth through strategic support. The art of getting the right help is equally crucial. Learn how to build your leadership ecosystem with strategic mentors who see your blind spots, operational specialists who execute while you direct, developmental coaches who build your capacity, and personal supporters who keep you grounded. The strongest leaders I've coached all share one trait: they know leadership isn't about being the smartest person in the room—it's about bringing out the best in everyone, including themselves. 

This week, I challenge you to identify one area where you need help right now, find the right person to approach, and actually ask. As leadership challenges grow more complex and change accelerates, no leader can navigate the future alone. Your team, organization, and future self will thank you for having the wisdom to seek support when you need it most.

Leadership Horizons - Helping You Lead Beyond Boundaries

Speaker 1:

Hi and welcome back to Leadership Horizons. I'm Lois Burton and, if you're new to the show, I'm an Executive Coach and Leadership Development Specialist. I've spent over 24 years coaching senior leaders and executives, accumulating more than 30,000 hours of individual coaching and 5,500 hours of team coaching and five and a half thousand hours of team coaching. I've had the privilege of working alongside some incredible figures in the coaching world, including the late Sir John Whitmore, who pioneered coaching in the UK. But here's something that might surprise you Even after all these years of helping leaders become the best they can be, I still regularly seek help myself. In fact, I'm in an international mastermind group with women entrepreneurs from all over the world. I have my own coach and I'm in regular supervision with an ICF qualified supervisor. Plus, I commit to at least 40 hours of continuing professional development every year. Why? Because the best leaders, the most effective coaches, the people who truly make a difference. They all understand one fundamental truth Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of wisdom. Today we're diving deep into when leaders need to ask for help and, crucially, how to get the right kind of help. Because, as I've learned from working across sectors, from retail to higher education, from financial services to the criminal justice system. The leaders who thrive are those who know they don't have all the answers and they're not afraid to admit it. So let's start with a paradox I see repeatedly in my coaching practice the higher leaders climb, the more isolated they can become. The more responsibility they climb, the more isolated they can become. The more responsibility they carry, the more they feel they should have all the answers. But here's what the moment a leader stops learning, stops seeking input, stops asking for help, that's the moment they stop truly leading. This was highlighted for me a couple of weeks ago when facilitating a high level leadership development program, and our speaker on the day, who is an amazing leader, reinforced this particular point that one of the things leaders find it hardest to do is asking for help. This reminded me of just how important this topic is.

Speaker 1:

I remember working with a CEO let's call him David who came to me after his company had lost a major contract. He was devastated not just by the loss, but by his realization that he'd been operating in a bubble for months. He said I thought asking questions would make me look weak in front of my team. Instead not. Asking questions made me irrelevant team. Instead, not asking questions made me irrelevant. This is what I call the leadership trap the belief that authority means having all the answers, when in reality, true authority comes from asking the right questions and knowing where to find the best answers.

Speaker 1:

So what are the warning signs? How do you know when you need help? Let me share five critical warning signs I've identified through my years of practice. Firstly, when you're facing the same challenges repeatedly. If you're dealing with the same team dynamics, the same performance issues, the same strategic roadblocks month after month, that's your signal. You're not lacking intelligence or capability. You're lacking perspective, and perspective is exactly what the right help can provide.

Speaker 1:

Secondly, when your decision making feels overwhelming. I work with leaders who tell me they lie awake at night running scenarios over and over. This isn't about being thorough. This is about being isolated in your thinking. When decisions feel paralyzing rather than energizing, it's time to seek input. Thirdly, when your team starts mirroring your stress, leaders set the emotional tone. If your uncertainty or overwhelm is cascading down through your organization, your team becomes your early warning system. They're telling you.

Speaker 1:

Fourthly, when you've stopped learning. This one hits close to home for me. As I've said before, despite all my years of experience. I still attend conferences, I participate in master classes and I engage with new thinking around the future of work. The moment we think we know enough is the moment we become irrelevant. And fifth, when your vision feels clouded.

Speaker 1:

Leadership is about seeing beyond the immediate, about what I call expanding your horizons. If your view feels narrow, if you're only seeing problems rather than possibilities, external perspective can restore that crucial long-term vision. So once you've picked up the warning signs, you need to think what kind of help do I need? And here's where many leaders go wrong. They finally decide to ask for help, but they ask the wrong people in the wrong way for the wrong reasons. Getting help right is an art form. Let me share what I've learned about the different types of help leaders need.

Speaker 1:

Strategic help comes from mentors, board members or experienced peers who've navigated similar challenges. These are people who can see your blind spots and challenge your assumptions. But choose carefully. You want someone who's been where you're trying to go, not someone who's just willing to give advice. Operational help comes from your team, consultants or specialists who can handle execution while you focus on direction. I see too many leaders drowning in tasks that others could handle better. Delegation isn't just about workload. It's about positioning yourself where you have most value. Developmental help is where coaching comes in, and I'll admit my bias here. A skilled coach helps you develop your capacity, your emotional intelligence and your resilience. In my practice, I focus on what I call the balance of support and challenge. I support my coaches unconditionally, but I also stretch and challenge them to reach their full potential. Coaching isn't just about today, it's about tomorrow and it is about potential.

Speaker 1:

Personal help often gets overlooked, but it's crucial. This includes everything from family support to professional counselling to physical wellness support. Leadership is holistic. You can't separate the leader from the person. Knowing you need help is one thing. Asking for it effectively is another skill entirely.

Speaker 1:

Here are my proven strategies. First of all, be specific about what you need. Don't just say I need help. Say I need help thinking through decision or I need help developing my team's capability, or I need help managing my own stress response. Specificity gets you better help faster. Choose your helpers strategically. Match the person to the need. Your family might be perfect for emotional support, but wrong for strategic business advice. Your board chair might excel at governance guidance, but struggle with team dynamics. Be intentional about who you approach for what?

Speaker 1:

Another crucial point is creating psychological safety for honest feedback. If you want real help, you need to make it safe for people to tell you hard truths. I tell my coaches if everyone always agrees with you, you're not getting help, you're getting confirmation bias. One of my long-standing coaches last week celebrated 40 years in the same organization and she absolutely celebrated the people who told her that she was wrong. This is so important and that honest feedback needs the psychological safety to exist. Next point be prepared to receive help gracefully. This means listening without defending, asking clarifying questions and expressing genuine gratitude. The fastest way to stop getting good help is to argue with it or dismiss it. Next, follow through and report back. When someone helps you close the loop, Tell them what you did with their input and how it worked out. This builds your reputation as someone worth helping and creates a virtuous cycle of support.

Speaker 1:

The best leaders don't wait until they're drowning to ask for help. They build what I call a leadership ecosystem, a network of relationships that provide different types of support on an ongoing basis. Your ecosystem should include mentors who've walked the path before you. Peers who understand your current challenges. Team members who can execute and provide ground-level insights. Coaches who can develop your capabilities, industry experts who can provide specialized knowledge. And personal supporters who keep you grounded and healthy. I try to maintain relationships across all these categories and they've been invaluable throughout my journey. But here's the key you build these relationships before you need them. You can't suddenly call someone you haven't spoken to in two years and ask for major help. Relationships require investment over time.

Speaker 1:

So let me leave you with this thought. In all my years of coaching from CEOs to managing directors to high potential future leaders the strongest leaders I've worked with have one thing in common they're not afraid to admit what they don't know. They understand that asking for help isn't about inadequacy. It's about optimization. I often tell my coaches leadership isn't about being the smartest person in the room. It's about being the person who can bring out the best in everyone in the room, including yourself, and sometimes bringing out the best means bringing in the best from others.

Speaker 1:

The way we led yesterday won't lead us into tomorrow. The challenges we face are becoming more complex. The pace of change is accelerating and the stakes continue to rise. No single leader, no matter how talented, can navigate this alone. The future belongs to leaders who can build, maintain and leverage networks of support, guidance and expertise, and collaborate effectively with others. So here's my challenge for you this week Identify one area where you need help, Not someday, not when things get worse, but right now. Then identify the right person to approach and then this is the crucial part actually ask your future self. Your team and your organisation will thank you for it.

Speaker 1:

That's all for today's episode of Leadership Horizons. I hope this exploration of asking for help has given you both permission and practical strategies to seek the support you need. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear about it, and if you found value in what we discussed, please share with another leader who might benefit. Leadership development is always better when it's shared. Next week, we'll be exploring another crucial leadership topic, and I will also be giving you the heads up on my guests and some special events I will be including over the summer months, so make sure you subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Until then, keep expanding your horizons, keep asking great questions and remember the best leaders know they don't have all the answers, but they do know how to find them. This is Lois Burton, and you've been listening to Leadership Horizons, where we help you lead beyond boundaries. Thank you.