Breaking Curses with Excellence - When Healing Hurts: Setbacks, Stuck Points & How to Rise Again

Healing isn’t a straight line—some days feel like freedom, others like you’re drowning in the same old pain. In this real and raw episode, w

Healing isn’t a straight line—some days feel like freedom, others like you’re drowning in the same old pain. In this real and raw episode, we talk about the reality of healing setbacks: what they are, why they happen, and how to stop letting them define you.



Whether you're feeling stuck, tired of the same triggers, or questioning your progress—this episode is for you. I share practical strategies to help you shift your mindset, reset your emotions, and remind yourself that healing is still happening even when it feels hard.



This isn’t just inspiration—it’s your roadmap to keep going. 💪🏽

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to this episode of Breaking Curses with Excellence. So I'm your host, Christy. Christina. I want to talk about something that is real. You know, I look back and I have to give myself credit on the fact that I am so far from where I was, but you know, and I have that up on my whiteboard. But I have to say, what's kind of thrown me for a loop lately is that I feel some of those old feelings coming back. And I look at how I've handled some things, and I've handled them. Some of them I've stood up for myself, but other ones I have handled them as the old version of myself. So what do we do when we feel like I'm not as far as I thought I was. When the old mentality, the old horrible core beliefs, negative self-doubt comes back, or lack of trust shows up again. We have to fight it. You know, and if I'm honest, it's not always easy. Sometimes the old version of me gets the best. But what I am determined to do and what I continue to work on doing is not falling completely down or making sure that I get up if I do fall. Many people think I'm a prevalent person and I do enjoy connection, and it really feeds my soul when I can have a good conversation with someone. That's true. But believing that people care, truly care, is hard. And I really hadn't thought about this instance uh for many years, I'm honest. This story of my dad. Part of it was because I felt like I was healed from a lot of the damage that he did. Um but this is just one of the reasons I realized that it's a continual journey, right? And it came up in in one of my sessions. Big promoter of therapy. It's a side point. But when I was probably 10 or 11, my father took me and sat me down on a coffee table, and he faced me on the couch. One of the old school solid coffee tables. And he looked at me and he said, Do you think these people care about you? Now, we're part of a well-known church where it was very much taught to me that this was the only place that you were safe. That everybody outside, basically, for lack of a better word, were ravenous wolves. They could be nice, but they offered you no value. And they would never love you sincerely. So I didn't say anything. Um his response to me, to my silence, was I can tell you they don't. If you think these people really care about you, they don't. He later then says the same thing about my mother. And years later, um, a little bit of time before he died, he was honest with myself, with me, I should say, and himself, and said that he said the part about my mom because he was worried about her interfering with our bond. Very insecure, you know, any child generally, yes, they may have their parent that they're drawn to the most, but they love that both of their parents. So I thought all these years I thought that my dad was just mean. I guess I should say many years. I thought that my dad was just mean, he was just cruel, like you don't tell a child that nobody cares about them. And then I encountered people who reinforced that thought. I encountered people that I trusted that I was close to, and they didn't care. I will have did my best by them, and then they'd turn around and betray me in some of the worst ways. And then they play me like I'm stupid, or you know, just just genuinely had a condescending attitude towards me. They were better than me, whether they were friends or family. And so if I'm honest, it added on to that feeling of not being loved, shame, and guilt, because it's like you were stupid enough to believe they actually cared. Your father told you. You know, I I'll even say that there was a period of time where I believed he was correct. I thought, you know what? It sounded cool at the time, but for real, he was looking out for me. Now, when we really think about that, an adult who tells a child that nobody loves them is not really looking out for them. If they were, they would say, you know, be careful with your heart. I can tell that you're a person who's wants to love others, right? Who's really about friendships and connections. But I want you to be cautious about that. That's not why he said it. He felt like I loved other people too much. And maybe him not enough. Maybe he was worried that I'd see him for what he really was. I don't know what the case was. Um, but it was a lot of insecurity and toxicity, even cruelty in saying that to me. But when life reinforced it, it became something ingrained and even more ingrained in me. Consciously, I knew it wasn't true, right? But subconsciously, I absorbed that. And I looked for instances where it was affirmed, where it was confirmed. See, people don't really care about you. And so I felt like with my therapy and with my healing and with different things, I had remedied that part of me. Right. But then you come across in such a situation where you're reminded that people who should have only choose you chose you, chose what hurt you, chose the ones who mistreated you. That is who their loyalty to is. They will even push you away for the for the very environment that broke you. Not completely. And then you try to have relationships with them and you try to not be hateful and bitter and understand that they're in a different place in their journey. Um, but it really pulls you back to a place where you feel rejected all over again, where you feel like people always choose the people, the environment, the system that mistreats you over you, and then it starts to affect your relationships and how you see other people, and you're like, Man, I thought I thought I was past that, and I wasn't. So, what do you do? Like I said before, you fight it. So, for me, what that meant was digging deep in my therapy, remembering that instance and where that was from, but also there's something called cognitive behavioral therapy. Um, it's one of the therapies that I like the most. Um, obviously, I like talk therapy, but this one really is something you can do at any time, whether you have your therapist in front of you, uh, whether you have a session, whether you even have a therapist at all. It's really where you write the negative thought, right? And then underneath it, you write the things that you feel like align with that negative thought. The things that confirm. So for me, it was all the times I've been betrayed, all the times I've been mistreated, the times that I have been lied to, the times I have been treated as if I was the wrong person, even though I was mistreated in this situation. It was the times that I know my protection was nobody's priority. But on the other side, you write all of the things that confirm that's not true. And for one, I have seen God's love on this side of things in a way that I never saw before. I have seen him through strangers who say a kind word, who who tell me to be careful to be safe, have a safe day, bless you. We appreciate you. I have seen it in my family. In the little one who looks like me, but is not my biological child. I've I've seen it in my life. I have seen it in so many places. I see that I am lovable, that I'm a a person worthy of love and a being chosen and being protected and being the priority. It's not always easy to accept though. But I thought I was good. And so looking at that list, right? Looking at the list that doesn't align with the negative thought, I can tell you, in my experience, it's always been longer. And it's always kind of in the moment snapped me out of that mentality. Of course, there's obviously other things that I need to do, right? Um, whether it's write down things, whether it's read things, whether it's affirmations to remind myself of my value and that I am loved. But it takes work. It takes grace on myself, not to be frustrated and get overwhelmed with the idea that I'm not as healed as I thought I was, and I thought I was good and I'm not, and you know, it takes a fight not to go down that road again of how many people have done this to me and how close they were to me. How people pulled me in and pushed me out. When they know that I had the good intentions, that I had a pure heart, that I gave things my best. They know how I was treated. And yet they'd rather push me away. Yeah. It is hard to think that you are better and realize you're you're still struggling with things. But I can tell you that as ugly as it may be, at times healing, it's worth it. You know I can tell you there's a lot of things as mentioned in in my other videos that are not pretty about healing. And steps backwards are some of them. Not knowing how to accept good is another one. Because the old me sabotage good things. The old me didn't find good, kind, peaceful people interesting. No, I like the ones that I had to chase, and I don't just mean in relationships, I mean in friendships, I mean in everything. So if you're like me and you you you've you've um surrounded yourself with the the idea and how could how should I say it? You you feel like you've surrounded yourself with positive things, right? You feel like you have inundated the negative with positive, and then here comes the negative and and it wins. Just know that you're human, you're normal, it happens, right? It's that we don't give up, we don't stop, we don't let it overcome us, overwhelm us, take us over. Because it's with everything. What matters the most is what you do with that. For me, I know that it's a reminder that I still have some healing to do. And there's two ways to look at that, you know. Like I said, you become overwhelmed with it, or you can say, This is my chance to grow. This is a chance for me to reach out for the help that I need. This is a chance for me to look for resources that can help me deal with it every time it comes up. And so for that, I look forward to opportunities where I see I need to heal a little more. It means I'm growing. Right? My ability to accept that I need to work on something is also growth. Yeah, there's a lot of core beliefs that I feel like a lot of us walk around with that maybe consciously we have rejected, right? Whether it's from ex, our childhood, a parent's actions, family members' actions, religious trauma, whatever the case may be. We consciously deny it, rebuke it, don't believe it, don't want to have anything to do with it. But subconsciously, we have allowed it to become a part of our core. And now it is no longer the voices of the people who said it to us, it is our own voice, and we have to fight it. So, what I encourage you to do is use some of the things that I mentioned. Maybe just hearing my experience will help you think about your own core beliefs and do the list. Maybe it'll encourage you to go to therapy, maybe it'll encourage you to listen to certain things that talk about our core beliefs and debunking the negative ones. I want to hit on something that a lot of people I think, um, at least in my experience, people always kind of knock. Um it is very important to go back to where it started. It's much to me like cutting a tree down, but leaving the roots. Or let me let me let me clarify that because sometimes you leave stumps, right? It's like weed whacking and not putting anything on the weeds to kill the roots, right? So we can keep acting like it didn't happen, we can keep acting like, oh, I just need to need to be less like this, I need to be less like that. We can keep pushing it off, right? Keep um ignoring what caused us to feel this way about ourselves or to act a certain way or to self-sabotage, whatever the case may be. That's gonna come back up, it's gonna show its head in other ways. It may mess up your marriage, it may mess up your relationship with your children, it may mess you up at work. It will keep you from your blessing. We have to go back to the source, so we can work at that, so we can dig that out. There's nothing wrong with actually, it's very important for us to go back to where that core belief started. It is not living in the past. If you want a better future, you do have to look in the rearview mirror and see what caused it. You don't need to stay there. We do not stay there. We do not drown in what is behind us. But in order for us to get to the positive future in front of us, we have to know where it came from. That's my thought on the matter. But we fight. When those negative thoughts come in, we fight, and we use the tools that we have, the resources, the people that can help us deal with our negative core beliefs. We give ourselves grace for not being what we thought we would be in our healing journey, through being triggered at times. And we remember how far we have come. And we remember that knowing that you have to heal in a certain space does not mean you're a failure. It does not take away from all the growth and progress that you have made. Actually, it's a chance to grow. It's a chance to love on the little version of you, or that that mistreated version from past relationships. Love on that version a little more. Give that version of yourself the love that it deserves to the current you and the future you. Bring all the people in your life that deserve your energy, that deserve your kindness, your love. Yeah. But that's all for me this week. I pray that you have a great rest of your week. And until next time, keep breaking those curses with excellence. Peace.