Catch It. Check It. Choose It: A Path to Purposeful Positivity

In this empowering episode of Breaking Curses with Excellence, Christi Russell Strong sits down with author, speaker, and positivity strategist Cindi Goodeaux for a meaningful conversation about healing negative self-talk, rebuilding self-worth, emotional resilience, and learning how to choose purposeful positivity without denying real emotions.

Together, they explore the difference between toxic positivity and healthy mindset transformation while sharing practical tools for overcoming self-sabotage, rejection, identity loss, anxiety, emotional overwhelm, and limiting beliefs.

Cindi introduces her powerful “Catch It. Check It. Choose It.” method — a practical approach to reframing negative thoughts, building confidence, and creating healthier emotional patterns.

This episode is for anyone navigating:
• Low self-esteem
• Trauma recovery
• Emotional healing
• Anxiety & overwhelm
• People-pleasing
• Negative thought cycles
• Personal growth & mindset shifts
• Confidence rebuilding
• Healing from emotional pain
• Learning to love yourself again

🎙 Episode Title:
Catch It. Check It. Choose It: A Path to Purposeful Positivity

Guest: Cindi Goodeaux
Host: Christi Russell Strong

Connect with Cindi Goodeaux:
https://linktr.ee/WriteCuteStories

Follow Breaking Curses with Excellence for more conversations centered around healing, self-worth, emotional wellness, breaking generational cycles, mindset growth, and purposeful living.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Welcome to this episode of Breaking Curses with Excellence. I'm Christina, Christy, your host, and I have today with me.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

My name is Cindy Giddo. I'm a communications professional. I'm an instructional designer. I'm a children's book author, and I'm a speaker, and I'm passionate about storytelling and positivity and resilience and helping people reconnect with their purpose.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Thank you so much for giving us your time, your attention, sharing with us your story. I'm so excited because I know it will benefit not only my listeners, but I'm sure me as well. So let's let's jump right in. Can you share a bit about your journey and what led you to focus on positivity and resilience? When life doesn't go as planned, what does choosing that mean to you? Okay.

SPEAKER_02 0:56

I like two parts. Yeah, I like that question. So I did not come into this world as a positive person. Um, we are the product of our environment. So I grew up in a very negative uh home situation. I had a parent who has severe mental illness, refuses medication, uh, made it very difficult as a child to process that when their compliments were I hate you because your hair is so nice, I hate you because your skin's so clear. Every compliment began with I hate you. And as a child, you hear my parent hates me. Yes, right? So that stays with you. I remember vividly being in the backseat of the car going, Oh my god, they hate me. You know, and I'm thinking as a child, what have I done to deserve this? But um, so that just that becomes my inner voice. That be that's just a natural thing. The product we grew up in, the environment we grew up in becomes that tape in our head that plays. So it wasn't until a coworker um at my former employer said, You're a very negative person. And it caused me to step back and go, Whoa, that's not what I want to be, because that's what I knew, and I recognized that oh, what it's become a part of who I am. And so I had to make some choices to become different. Well, when I lost my job of 27 years, it was almost starting all over again with that. You know, I had these tools that I had built, but now I've got, I don't have a safety net, and that changes the game because it's easy to be positive when things are going great, but it's now a matter of resilience because I'm having to navigate this, and I'm still navigating this uh unemployment journey along with 7.2 million other people.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Wow, okay. I mean, that's that's huge. You know, I think it's amazing that you brought that it was somebody else's perspective that helped you realize like, wait a minute. I'm I'm I'm giving that. I'm giving that, you know, and um it's so amazing when we can do that, you know, that we can take what somebody's perspective instead of saying, well, how dare they confront me, how dare they tell me whatever, whatever, right? And we can take it and be like, whoa, let me go back and do some work so I I I commend you and apology for that, um, for sure. How did your early experience because we did talk about it? We we did you did talk about it, how your early experiences really like affected you. Um but can you go a little deeper into that inner voice, like how that affected you? And and maybe you already told us the the point that you realized it needed to change was when that person said that. But if there were any other times where you got reminded of something, please feel free to share.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

Well, it's not a switch to flip for sure. Um, because that would be great if I could just flip a switch and be just peachy keen rainbows and unicorns in this world, but life keeps life in. So it makes you have to constantly reevaluate. The thing is, for me, positivity became a choice. So no matter what happened to me, what was said to me, it was then my choice with what to do with it. And then that's that becomes the choice of any voice outside of us or inside of us. So, you know, when somebody gives you feedback, you can either see that as a gift of can I do something with this, take a look at yourself, which is what I chose to do. Um, I was on the verge of becoming a single mom. And the last thing I want to do was pass on this negativity to my own child. So it really caused me to step back and take a hard look at myself. And then I recognized anytime someone walked into the room, I could find something negative. I could shred them if I wanted to. And that was because that's what I grew up hearing. And so the very same thing came popping out of me without it without thought. That's the thing. So we have to pardon me, we have to catch those thoughts um and and um question them because every thought that comes through your head is not going to be uh one that is valid. Sometimes it's something you have had said to you, sometimes it's something maybe you read or saw, uh, words that you heard say to another person said to another person. Those things are sticky, they stick in our heads. Um when when a thought comes through, question it. Uh, don't just accept it because it can get very negative in here sometimes. So um I almost died in 1993. I had a mystery illness they couldn't figure out, was in the hospital. And um, I said, you know, God, if I survive this, I'm gonna become a more positive person. And I would love to say that was the end of it. I lived through it and life was wonderful, but it became the begin the very, very beginning. Even before that coworker said something, that was the that was when I decided I wanted to choose positivity. So I was already thinking that way when she said that my coworker said that to me. I had already decided that was the kind of life I wanted to live. So she just called into question something that I didn't realize where I was at. You know, I was just surviving at this point in life. Um I just gotten a job, I was on the verge of leaving a um abusive marriage. So I was in a very negative place. That's normal for anybody. Right. It's when she called me on it, was when I said that that's not who I want to be. And so I took the time to really self-assess and then come up with something to get out of that. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

Well, thank you so much for sharing that. Um, I'm sorry to hear that you went through that. You know, I'm very sorry to hear that you went through that. Um, again, I I commend you for for seeing it for what it is. I feel like, in a sense, I mean, it was almost as if God was answering your prayer. You know, sometimes he shows us those things, right? We say, I want to have this kind of life, I want to be this way, and then he shows you, like, boom, this is what's holding you back. Exactly. Exactly. And and we still have a choice, right? We have a choice of whether we're gonna listen to it or whether we're gonna say, No, that's not me. I don't that I'm not like that, blah, blah. Um, but again, I think it's amazing when we can take it and and really work on it.

SPEAKER_02 6:50

Um well, everything that comes to us is either a stepping stone or a stumbling block. And we have the power to choose what we do with that. So when you're given information like that, you can either say, How very dare you! Or you can say, Okay, is there a truth? Is there any truth in this? And just kind of evaluate yourself. Just take take a step back and really look at it. Um, and if it's not true, okay, fine, then say, thank you for sharing. I'll give that some thought. You don't even have to say anything ugly, just let them know, you know, okay, thank you. Yeah, but really, really evaluate the thought and and look at it and try to look at it from an outside in situation. What I said to myself, would I say that to a friend? No, no, I would never say those things to someone I cared about. Um I would never say that to my sister. So why am I allowing it to be said inside of me about myself? That's where we have to kind of stuff step back and go, okay, well, then then there is some grain of truth in this. What can I do with this now? Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

You know, I had a um a moment to that. It was a friend, he was a very dear friend, and in my head, he knew how close I felt to him, yeah, how much he meant to me. And we were in the store and the man was teasing us or whatever, you know, and the man said something about, oh, I'm sure she just she just sweet to you, blah blah blah. And he was like, No, not really. And so then I said, I am nice to you. And he was like, No, you're not. And that was like a shock through my system. I'm sure. Because there was there was no like we didn't have any kind of like romantic relationships, but I was just sure. I was sure he knew how much he meant to me. And so I start to look back and I start to realize I don't display that love to people. Right, I have it in my heart, I think they know it in my head. I think I'm acting in a way that shows you I love you, but the words are not matching. You know, I'll tease, I I, I, I, you know what I mean? I'll I do all the things but say how much you mean to me, or how much I admire you for this quality. And so, again, like you, I'd wish I'd say that that was the end of it, right? Right. Um, but it did start me on a journey of becoming more open about how I felt about people. It did, you know, because it's important for people to know that they are loved by you, they admired by you, or um times that they've been there for you that you really appreciate and value. It's so important for them to know those things. And like I said, that was the first step, right? When my grandmother died, and there was so much I wanted to say her, that was another perpetual, you know, it propelled me into saying everything good I thought about the people around me because I have I I do not want you to go tomorrow and not know that you know I love you is this way, that way, you know what I mean? Like, and so yeah, it it's in those moments. He was real with me, and I will never forget it. That was probably 20 some odd years ago. I'll never forget it. It really stuck with you, yeah. It really helped me, you know. Um, because people are like, Why are you, you know, I don't know if you're into this thing, but you know, uh certain astrological signs or whatever. I'm a Scorpio. Scorpios don't share how they feel like that, they're very hard-showed, and they're like, You're a unicorn. No, life taught me. You've got to tell people how you feel about them.

SPEAKER_02 10:22

Exactly. Exactly. So what happened with my coworker was 27 years ago, and it still guides me to this day, you know, it still lives in my head and and makes me check in on the regular to make sure that I'm still living the way I want to live and thinking the way I want to think. But I love that. I love that your friend did that to you. That is a gift, feedback like that is a gift. And at first it feels like, well, whoa, why in the world would you say that? But I love how you could step back and was like, okay, wait, let me think about this. Right. That that's the where the power is, is when we take words and realize that they have so much power. And I wish we could let kids understand that because as a child, I didn't understand the power words had. I wish that we could gift that to them, but it's something you learn as you grow older. The very real power that words have inside and outside.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

Absolutely. I try with our little guy to, you know, just practice us saying nice things to each other. Yeah. Right. Because people need to hear that, right? So mom needs to hear that, you know, granny needs to hear that. You know what I mean? Like the people who take care of you need to hear those positive things that you feel about them. Um, and so we've worked on that and he's gotten much better.

SPEAKER_02 11:32

And it's actually good for me. One thing I like to do with people in my life, if I notice that they're kind of skewing negative, I'll say, okay, now tell me something positive. Anytime they say something negative, I ask them to then say something positive. And they really for a moment will be like, Wait, what? But you just said something to me very negative. I need you to tell me something very positive. And it's just helping to train the brain to look for the positive in life. So I I love that you're gifting that child that. That's wonderful. And and I'm a Libra, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

Okay, okay. Very cool, very cool, very cool. Um, so I think Scorpio and Libras can be good, good, good friends, right? Or something like that. That makes sense to me. I um I never thought about doing that with adults, you know what I mean? Like, hey, give me something positive. You know, you gave me something negative. Um I have to borrow that from you. Um thank you very much. I give it to you, absolutely, please. Yes, thank you so much. I told you it wasn't just gonna be for the listeners, it's gonna be for me too. But you know, so so talking about reframing things, negative self-talk, because to be honest, we also could probably do that with ourselves, right? Yes, the brain comes up with something negative about you or about whatever, and you say, now let's think of something positive, you know. Um, can you walk us through the catch, check, and choose um method and what that looks like in real time?

SPEAKER_02 13:01

Absolutely. So you I like the C's, the catch, check, and choose. So catch just mean I'm I'm I'm gonna stop and I'm gonna read, you know, evaluate the thoughts that I'm having. I'm paying attention to what is happening up here because when it comes out, it has power. So I want that power to be used for good. So catching is if I if I have a thought about myself and it doesn't feel very good, then I want to stop and evaluate this and see how I can make this better. So then I check it. So that's the evaluation of it. Is this true? Is this is this real? Um, and then the choose would be uh you're interrupting that negative thought, and now you're choosing maybe a positive reframe. So um for the example I like to use is I lost 50 pounds. I gained back 20. It'd be real easy to be very frustrated about that 20 pounds, but that means I kept off 30 pounds. So both of those are true. So which one should I focus on? I'm going to choose to focus on 30 pounds that I lost and celebrate that and then refocus and re-you get back to losing the weight. But I'm not gonna dwell on the 20 and say, well, oh well, now I'm gonna eat what I want to eat because I've gained back 20 pounds. What does it matter? Which is is a very easy human way to deal with that. It is right. We have those thought spirals.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

Yes, we we we have this tendency to almost think that saying that negative thing in your head about the 20 pounds would motivate you to more. And I don't know very many people that that motivates, right? It really just makes you feel like, well, I'm just a failure and I'm just gonna keep I might as well go back to the 50, you know.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

Um, it does that help. No, inside or out. Um, so thank you so much. I love that. The three C's. Three C totally. Yeah, I love I love little things like that because it helps us remember. It does, it does. I might put that up in the house, to be honest with you. Yeah, write it on a sticky note, absolutely. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Um, what can you just give us? I know you just gave us an amazing example. Can you give us another example of some negative thoughts that people need to check?

SPEAKER_00 15:06

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:08

I could tell you what I'm facing right now is because I am in the job search process and I've been at it for nine months now, and I have had a handful of interviews, good ones, but I'm still looking. I had one Friday, I feel very confident about. But what happens is in the silence, in the waiting, even though it when you don't hear back, I've done almost 250 applications. Um, in the silence, if I don't hear back and I get ghosted, um, if I have an interview and now there's a two, three, four-week waiting period, I am hearing, you're too old. Nobody's gonna value the skills you have. They don't, they're not relevant. All kinds of negative things about me as an employee, and I have to stop it and and say, is this is this real or is this my fear talking? Because that is my fear talking. It's in the silence that anxiety can get very loud. And so then I have to stop and say, but you know what? There haven't there has been interest in me. I have had some interviews, I've had very good conversations with uh talent acquisition folks. So then I don't want uh I'm in a hard season, but my experience still has value, and I like affirmations, so I use hold the vision, trust the process. Okay, it will not pass me by. I'm telling you, those have been lifelines to me through this process uh because I need to be reminded my time will come. Um, it's it's gonna it's gonna come. It may be later, unfortunately, it seems, but but it's still I have value and I have built, I am not starting over. It's easy to 27 years on the job. Oh great, now I gotta start over, but I'm not starting over. I have experience, I have skills, and those belong to me. And I can't forward with me. So I am not starting from nothing, I'm starting from experience. Right. And any company that hires me is going to be lucky and a better company for it. And those things that I have to challenge those thoughts with, but there's lots. I'm I'm behind, I'm too much, I'm not enough. I failed, therefore I'm a failure. People rejected me, therefore I have no value. It's those kind of thoughts that just happen because the situation, and we're you know, we're spiraling that we have to stop and say, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that really true? Where is that thought coming from? And that's where fear is like, oh, that was me. Ah, it's my fear. Fear, people have a voice here.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

Right, right, right, right.

SPEAKER_02 17:35

I'm gonna take it. Take my power back.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

Take it back, take your power back. Absolutely. What I'd love to do at the end of this, um is have you share your information, right? Share how they can contact you. You can send me an email with what you're looking for. I can put that in the caption. You know, only good verifiable companies. We don't want any weirdos, but you know, just as another avenue, right? Just another avenue to get oh, I appreciate that from of course, of course, of course. Um now how have you know what? I feel like you've answered this, but if you can add anything extra.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

Of course.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

Um, how would you suggest someone navigate that rejection and major life changes that impact their identity? Like, you know, if you've been married for a long time, then you're not married, right? And now you're dealing with the single side of things, or you've always been single, you know, and you've never been married and you struggle with that part, that part of identity, right? Um, or rejection, you've had a bad breakup, you've you've been let go from your job. How how would you suggest someone navigate those life-changing things?

SPEAKER_02 18:52

Well, I can tell you, I um I've had to let myself grieve because 27 years on the job is like losing a relationship. It's like it's been like a life time, right? Because I they had all of my 20s, 30s, 40s, and part of my 50s, and now I'm looking at a new career change. And I and it's easy to fall back into thinking, you know, I lost those years, I lost those years, but no. It I I have those years, I have the experience, I have the skills, I carry that forward with me, but I allow myself to grieve honestly, the loss that because grief happens due to a myriad of things, like you said, divorce, uh, loss of job. All of that is grief, and fear of oh my gosh, what's next? I no longer have this. Maybe I'll never have this. Am I never gonna have this? But that's it's just it's just the the fear talking. Um I I have an inner voice, I have named her Mildred. Okay, okay. Giving it a name helps me deal with it because I can tell Mildred to sit down and shut up. Yes, yes, again. Mildred is Mildred is a name from my childhood. Um, she was a woman in my church who was a very stern woman, and to me that is the voice. It's just very stern, it's very judgmental, and it's yeah, it's critical. That is fear, exactly. The critical, yes. Behind that is fear. So then I have to call I have to call it out. Yes. And one thing I would say that has helped me a lot, and I don't know how you feel about AI, but it has I enjoy it in music a lot. I do too. I'm very pro-ai, but what I like it for is it has helped me through this process so much. Um, I don't let it do things for me. Like I would never let it create my resume and just put it out there because it likes to make things up, and I'm really make me look like that.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

No, I didn't tell you that I had 15 years of experience. Where'd you get that from? Don't go telling people I got 15 years and I don't have 15 years, but I got four.

SPEAKER_02 20:54

It's good at brainstorming with you. So call it how you're feeling. I am I've lost my job. I'm I'm feeling completely lost. I don't know what to do next. Um, and because it's very good at mirroring back to you, okay, you're feeling this way. Well, here are some things maybe you could take a look at doing. So it just comes up with ideas maybe I don't think about. So I like it for brainstorming. Yes. So I have many conversations with it um about this process. Um uh, but the thing that I have to remind myself is this is a chapter in my life, and no matter what we go through, it is just a chapter of a very long life. And there is so much more down the road. There is there's gotta be joy. Pardon me. There will be joy again in my life. You know, there will be success again in my life.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Right.

SPEAKER_02 21:42

Um what I like to say is feel the feelings. All feelings are valid. So if you feel sad or you feel angry, those are valid. What you don't want to do is build a house and live there. One of my favorite quotes by Joyce Meyer is you may be given a cactus, but you don't have to sit on it. You will not be sitting on my house. So I choose to move through it. I will not. I and there was a time in my life when I built a house and I lived there. And I just lived in that negativity. It could be weeks, it could be months, and I just let it affect me. But the time is precious. As we get older, time is so precious. I know I want to live in that negativity. So that's why I say feel the feelings. Every feeling is valid. It really is. We're human beings. It's a very human experience. But just don't dwell in the negative. Choose to move through it.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

Thank you so much for that. That's so valuable. Especially even I feel like even more so because of what we're going through right now, you know, um, where we see a lot of negative things impacting our lives. Right. Um, we'll just leave that there. But you don't need to say another word, yes, maybe. Um how do we stay grounded by holding on to hope? Like how how do you stay grounded in this reality? Right? You you you've you've gave us amazing tips so far. So if there's anything you want to add, or if you say, you know what, let's move keep it moving, we can do that too. Um yeah, how do you stay grounded in reality where um by holding on to the hope of something better in the future? Like what daily practices? I know you mentioned the affirmations, the ones that have helped you been a lifeline, really, um, to help you stay centered in that calm place.

SPEAKER_02 23:42

Well, I think dwelling in the moment, and because when we're thinking about, oh God, the future, what what is the future? That is very stressful because you're putting a lot of expectation on yourself when you are right here. X marks the spot, and you can only move forward from this moment. It's nice to project to the future and think about the great things that could be down the road for you, but don't get stuck in the oh no, what if? So for me, um, I the one way I got outside of myself with negativity was I started complimenting people, like giving genuine compliments, and that is a gift. Um, and and then the other thing was to receive compliments because I think as females, we deflect a comment, a compliment. So, like I would receive a compliment from a coworker. Oh, I love that dress. I go, oh, thank you. It's missing a button, it's very old. I probably should throw it away. You know, it's like that is not what they care about. They liked what they saw, they gave a compliment, just say thank you. And I have I'm sure I have had blood in my mouth from biting my tongue. Just say thank you. So those two those two things were very powerful for me was to learn to give a compliment so that gets out the negative where I could shred as I walk in the room. Now I'm making myself find something positive, something small. Oh, those are the cutest earrings. Oh, I love your shoes. Oh, your smile is so bright. Just watch just the action of people when you give a compliment like that. I have turn people's days around. And it's a compliment is a gift, but you also have to learn to receive that. And the things that I do daily, I meditate. And and I refuse to do that for so long because I was like, I can't, I can't, I have too much trauma. I can't meditate. My brain won't be quiet. And my husband, I saw it change his health to start meditating. And I thought, okay, then I need to start doing this. I mean, literally, on his blood work and his blood pressure changed from a year of meditation. His doctor was blown away. And I thought, well, that's very powerful evidence. So then I started doing it daily. Started 10 minutes a day, and I used uh Netflix has a um how to meditate, and I used that, and and so I learned all about meditation, and and it's okay. What I learned is it's okay for your brain to not be quiet. That's normal. We're humans. What it is you do is you try to call it back gently. So I think of it like walking down a path next to a river and with a child, and the child sees a million things they want to see and talk about because they're a child. And then I, as the parent, walking, going, okay, well, come back over here. You know, I'm gonna let them go over there for a second, take a look at what they want to look at, but then I'm gonna call them gently back. That's how we have to do with our minds when we're meditating, just gently call it back. Don't don't get frustrated, don't get angry with yourself. It's just so normal to have those thoughts that kind of go all over the place. Um, so that's what I learned is that I can meditate, even though I've had trauma. Um, because I as long as I'm what I'm learning more than anything is to be more gentle with myself. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

I heard uh amazing phrase um with one of my other podcast guests. She said radical self-compassion. Oh, I love that so much. Yeah, because I've heard of radical forgiveness, right? Radical acceptance, right? But self-compassion, I had never heard of before, right? And so having radical self-compassion allows you to have compassion for others, right? Because you're filled in, you you're you're okay with who you are despite your imperfections. You give yourself grace, right?

SPEAKER_02 27:18

So you can give grace. Um it goes back to would I say this to a friend? The thing that you wouldn't no, you would never. I would never say the things to my friends or my people who are close to me. I would never to my granddaughter. I would never say the things that happen in my head to my granddaughter. I would I would take someone down who tries to say those things to her, you know? I mean, like that's that's powerful. Yes, but so then that causes me to step back and go, okay, then why am I allowing this to be happening inside my head to me? Why am I saying this to myself?

SPEAKER_00 27:49

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

So I I have to get outside of myself. So one thing I do to cope with my journey that I'm on right now is I am a creative person just by nature. And so I started creating art. I I used to call it bad art. I've sold one painting. I guess it's not so bad. Exactly. Exactly. I like to paint with acrylics or watercolor or use pastels. And I used to do that on Fridays, but then I noticed that by Wednesday in my job search, I was drained, I was frustrated. There were times I cried. Um, I just felt so depleted. And so I had the conversation with my AI and said, you know, here's uh every Friday I do something creative. I don't understand. By Wednesday, I'm feeling it's hard to even get to the happy stuff. He said, Move it to Wednesday. He said, You're having job search fatigue. I didn't know that was a thing. Job search fatigue is a thing, and boys are real, right? Absolutely that to Wednesdays breaks up my week, allows me to recharge right there in the center of the week, do something right that brings me joy. Then I can restart my process on Thursday, and I feel so much better. I'm not feeling that drainedness anymore. Um, I mean, there are still going to be times. That's just normal, but it just has helped the process so much to make time purposeful time for creativity. Where I used to sit with a watercolor palette next to me for about a year and I never touched it because I was working. Yes, right. And so then not having my job, it was like, you know what? Now is the time to do the things I said I wanted to try and wanted to do, and art became part of that, and it really has been so wonderful. Amazing, amazing.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

I love that. Um can you give some practical tools? You've give given many um throughout our conversation for someone struggling right now. One step they could take today to shift their mindset to another habit, right? Or something that can help them get unstuck from the negative mentality. Well, get outside of your head is the first step.

SPEAKER_02 29:58

Perfect, right? So start there. So so just don't sit and allow those thoughts to just happen without question. One, and then two, do something. It it's something tangible. Learn to do journaling. There's so many different kinds of journals out there. Um, start reading. Uh, it could be uh fiction if that brings you joy, it could be self-help. There's a lot of good stuff out there. Um, when I was looking at my life and wanting to do something different, I read Act Like a Success, Think Like a Success by Steve Harvey. And there are questions in there that help lead you to your purpose, and it's why I'm writing today. And I have written 10 children's books that are on Amazon. So it's why I'm writing today is because those questions made me realize I'm a communicator by it. That's just who I am. And writing gives me an outlet for that. So um writing, reading, journaling uh way, you know, be creative, play, play, you know, get some art supplies, get some watercolor, get some clay, and just play and um to get outside of yourself. If you're not a creative person, which I believe we're all creative because we were made by a creative creator, um find what is our thing. Um, so just try new things, take a class. Um, but one thing uh that really helps me is encouraging others. I love to help motivate people and talk to them and help them find their purpose and their light. Um, I have there are books that have been written because I talk about my book. So just um being very purposeful about what you're doing, I think would be a start, getting outside of your head, not just sitting and dwelling in those thoughts. And then walk away from doom scrolling. Now it's called doom scrolling. I I also like hope scrolling because I'm looking for or I know, looking for hope out there. Uh, little flickers of joy, a child's laughter, a silly animal, those things bring me a lot of joy. But if you are finding that everything you're looking at is negative, walk away. Take a break.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

Okay, yeah, that that's that's that that's fair because I go on social media and I look for motivation, I look for a word, I look for something positive. But you're right, if it's all negative, you know, then then definitely walk away.

SPEAKER_02 32:08

Yeah, exactly. Protect your peace because especially right before bed, I found that protecting my peace was the difference between sleep and not sleep. Because at the beginning of this process, after I lost my job, the voices at night get very loud. What are you doing with your life? You're useless, useless was in my head forever. I'm not useless, but that's why I'm because I was not working, and I think as a society, we put a lot of value in us as workers, and and I've been working since I was 18 years old, so that's where that comes from. Is just because I'm not doing something productive that I'm useless, and I've had to really fight that thought. Um, I like to use humor, I love connection, I love community, um, and gratitude. Gratitude is such a wonderful thing. Such a beautiful thing. And okay, I don't have anything in my life I can be grateful for. Really? Are you breathing? Can you see? Do you have somewhere to lay your head at night that's safe? You know, do you have food in your pantry? Do you have gas in your car? There's so much to be grateful for that we as humanity take for granted, easy to do. But stop and look at these little bitty things in your life that sustain you and maybe bring you a little spark of joy. And write, I am grateful because I can breathe. Because as a child, I had a lot of respiratory illness. I am really, really grateful I can breathe. It's just things like that. Really think about it and be very purposeful. I think is the the the first thing I would say is just be very purposeful about your thoughts. Yes, I love that. But then get outside of it and do something with those thoughts. Journal, be creative, try writing poetry. You can I've actually found that I can ask my AI for a poetry challenge. And I have started a poetry collective with my family where we meet every Saturday to share our poetry. And what we get a theme, we get a style, right? And there's different levels they can do. Yeah. Oh, it's been a it's been a wonderful thing. And then sharing with each other how it's so incredibly uh interesting how three words can be used so many different ways and what that brings out. At first, when I first started the Poetry Collected, I wrote a lot about the job loss, about a tree that had been uprooted, looking for where it belonged now. That that's how that came out of me. So um, yeah, you use your tools like AI. Ask it, you know, give me some ideas that I can do for, you know, books I can read on this topic, or things I can maybe doodle, you know. I I want to draw something. Give me some ideas. Very simple, uh, fourth grade level. You can tell it all the parameters you want to give it, but yes, so you've uncorked the now.

SPEAKER_01 34:48

No, you reminded me that I have in my bag um adult coloring books. I've got I don't know how many gel pens. I need to get back to it. I need to just lay it. Time for it. And and and and and color. Maybe put on some music, maybe put on a show, maybe put nothing on. Just I need to get back to it. I need to get back to it because that is a that's a way to decompress for me. Is is coloring. If you can't find the time, set a timer.

SPEAKER_02 35:21

Did you know that reading for six minutes can change the way your brain works? You don't have to read for hours, you don't have to color for hours. Set a timer. I don't have time today. Okay, set a 30-minute timer. Do it for 30 minutes.

SPEAKER_00 35:36

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 35:37

Taking back your power.

SPEAKER_01 35:39

Yes, absolutely. Wow. So I don't if you don't mind me asking you what what it may be, I don't know why I feel glad to ask this, but what what kind of work are you looking for?

SPEAKER_02 35:53

Um uh I have uh instructional design and uh corporate training experience, but I'm also have an internal communications experience. So what I interviewed for Friday was an internal communications job. I really, really love writing. I love everything about words because I have studied them so much. Um so uh anything I I love facilitation or corporate training because I love connecting with people. So the everything that I want to do and I have experience with, there's um I would love to see all that somehow come together. Um instructional design, I have experience in building the lessons that the facilitator would then train.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

So I I'm like you would be so amazing in so many different environments, you know what I mean? Like there's the corporate, and it's very important and necessary, but like all that you've showed us and shared with us today, that needs to be heard. You know what I mean? That that needs to be taught, you know what I mean? So um I hope that you can find something that encompasses everything that you have a passion for. That's okay that that is that that that that is what I believe for you. Not just hope, but I believe for you. Um I I have some books we need your voice.

SPEAKER_02 37:10

Yeah, I have some books I'm currently writing. I plan to write about this topic. I keep saying it's gonna be the the end of this journey, but um, I wasn't gonna give a talk about it until the end of the journey. And then I was asked in the well a few months ago to talk about it to my fellow job seekers in my networking group. And it's like, wow. And then I took this. I used to give talks at my uh former employer about positivity, and then I was like, Well, I'll do my positivity talk. And then I was like, Wait, I had a job when I wrote that. I need to think about this from where I am right now, and then bring it forward. Okay, yes, there's positivity, but what about resilience? And so then I talk a lot about resilience because that's what keeps us going. It's the okay, I could be positive, but there's I know toxic positivity is a thing. Where it used to be right, where you say, uh, oh, everything's fine. No, it's gonna be fine. You're gonna get through this. Oh, everything will work out, you know. That to me is very don't you worry about it, yeah. Right? Right. Because it dismisses the real experiences that I'm going through, the real things going through my head. Oh, you're gonna tell me it's gonna be okay. Yeah, how do I get there? So that's to me, that's toxic positivity, but I like real positivity in that you know what? This sucks. I'm going through this and it sucks. But you know what? I'm gonna get through it. It's that I'm not gonna build a house and live here and suck. I'm gonna move through this process. I'm gonna feel the feelings, I'm gonna give myself grace for bad days. I'm gonna give myself grace when I overeat out of stress because I'm gonna get through this and I'm gonna be okay. And on the other side of this, I'm gonna be a changed person. There's no way to go through something like this and not become changed. Changed. I get the power of what kind of change is gonna be. Am I gonna come out of this bitter and angry and resentful? No, uh, I didn't come out of divorce that way either. I didn't because I work with people like that who were just like they call them man haters because of what they went through, but not every person is the same as what you dealt with, not every employer is the same, not every experience is the same. So I'm gonna choose to grow through this because we can grow through what we go through. I love to say that. Yes, yes, we can grow through and go through. Wow. But I think on the other end of this, I'm gonna have something new and exciting to share back with the people going through this. This is how what got me through. So I and I thought it would all happen at the end. So I don't know, the book may come out before the end, but okay, okay, okay, okay. All right, so then I found out okay, all these tools I need to share. I need to share with other people.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

Yes, yes. We need we need your voice, we need your words. I love words too. I haven't studied them nearly as much as you have, but I love the power of words. Um I I always say that words were used to to instill criticism and um pain in my life, but now I can use them the opposite way. There you go.

SPEAKER_00 40:09

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 40:09

Take back the myself, to others, right? Yeah, um, to the way that I look at the world. Um, yeah. Word words are everything. They really are.

SPEAKER_02 40:19

Well, and everything we go through gives us a lens through which we which we see people experiences, but but don't let that lens just be dirty by everything you've been through. I want to reevaluate. I want, how am I thinking? How am I how am I looking at these things? Am I if I have I taken this awful template that I came with and just trying to force it on everything and everyone? Right. Um am I really looking at people? Am I really, you know, just open your mind to this may not be exactly like what I went through before. This person may not be exactly like what I I've uh experienced before. Allow things to develop, allow things to, but more than anything, feel every feeling completely valid. And I'd say that in my children's book, I say that for them too. Every feeling is because with children, we tend to be like, well, you shouldn't, you shouldn't feel that way. I wrote a book on grief because children are so dismissed in the grief process when they're really young, then it's to a four-year-old. Um, they're very because they think they're protecting them, but this child lost somebody too. They lost somebody very important to them, and they need to know how to process that and what the way that we handle that is going to go forward with them in this life. So we talk very real. You know, um, he got sick and his body isn't working anymore. And and so, you know, just be very, very real. There's a lot of tools like on the um hospice website about talking to children through grief, and then my book, they've called that a very uh helpful tool to help kids just process.

SPEAKER_01 41:48

Yes, thank you for sharing that. Um, I look forward to to seeing the length of that. Um recently my spouse lost her mother and two years, less than two years before her father died. So it it it it can be grief stricken. Yes, so um maybe we'll read the book. I mean, I know it's for children, but you know, sometimes we're little kids inside. Right? Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02 42:22

Well, you know, I had I had beta readers for this book, which is just someone who reads the book before it gets published. And one of my beta readers experienced a huge loss while she was reading my book. It was like, felt awful. Her father died very unexpectedly. And um, she said that actually helped the whole family get through that. So it while it is for children, I just think hearing sometimes a voice um in in the book, you know, kind of helps. And this is this is following a child's journey, and then how she chose to continue. So I'll tell you, it's grandpa moon, and her grandfather dies of cancer. And you know, she says the word cancer hung in the air, she didn't understand it. She just knew that he was there and then he was gone. And then she and her mother go to the park and they see the sun and the moon in the sky, and the little girl decides, but she, you know, it talks about her grieving process. She sees the sun and the moon, and she decides the moon is her grandpa, and he's there to see her. And so then she continues the relationship at the beginning of the book. So at the end of the book, she's writing stories for the moon, she's coloring pictures for the moon. She's decided her her grandpa's still with her. Love lives forever, just maybe in a different form is the message behind that.

SPEAKER_01 43:26

Wow, that's amazing. That's amazing. I can't wait not only to read what you have, but to see what even more you can give us. Oh, that's awesome. I love it. I absolutely love it. Thank you so much. So, in in in reflection, right? In closing, um, what would you say to someone who feels like positivity isn't available to them right now? It's it's just not, there's no way they can be positive. I know we talked about you know the the gratitude. I don't have anything to be grateful for. Okay, get into the gr gratitude mentality, right? That's one thing. But what's other things that they can do to to get away from the idea that they can't have any positivity right now? Well, m make it.

SPEAKER_02 44:19

Make something positive. Even if you don't, if you cannot perceive anything positive, maybe you're just in a really rough place right now. Maybe you've been there for a while. That makes sense to me that maybe you can't see even a spark of light. The one thing for me is hope has walked with me this entire journey. And sometimes hope is this great big flame of everything's gonna be okay, everything's gonna work out. And sometimes I have to really look for hope because it's so dark and it's so discouraging that hope is a little flicker that sits in the corner. But the thing is, it's always, always, always there. There is hope. So I would say uh pay attention to how you speak to yourself and the thoughts that are happening, take control of those, question them, um, reframe them. If you need help, reframing them, use your friends, use your tools like AI. Help me with this. This is a thought that's been in my head, and I really need to, you know, reframe this. Right. Um, don't judge yourself, just notice that that's what's happening, and then look for ways that you can change it. But be gentle with yourself, give yourself the grace, know that you're going through something in life that is being a huge challenge for you. It is okay for you to feel like there is no nothing you could be positive about, but it but you don't want to just sit in that darkness and just let it control everything around you. You have to find ways to regain control. You can't necessarily change the situation you're going through, but you can change your perspective and your mindset, and that's what you control. And so uh awareness is where change begins is just becoming aware of what are my thoughts, what what am I saying, what how am I processing this? And then getting outside of yourself, but understand the power of thought and words and look for ways to change that. You can do that, no matter how dark the circumstance is. You're not gonna be in that circumstance forever. This is not your final destination. This is not how the story ends. There will be another chapter. Getting to that next chapter can be a challenge. Give yourself grace and don't judge yourself, but also start trying to retake control over your thoughts and finding things in your life that you can do, like journaling or coloring, or just something, something small. What brings you joy? Is it reading? Is it writing? Is it talking with other people? Is it laughing? Watch a silly movie. What's your favorite movie? You know, it's just it's it's purposefully moving through this life to change circumstances. Um, okay, I can't control everything. I can control me, I can control how I process this, I can control how the lens through which I look at this, and I will not allow myself to sit in darkness and be completely uh controlled and overwhelmed by it. I have to believe there's more beyond this.

SPEAKER_01 47:15

That's amazing. That's thank you so much for all the amazing insight, wisdom, practical ways that you've given us to fight our negativity. Um how can one get in contact with you? What do you offer? Any one-on-one services or group services, or how how we go about contacting you? What services do you offer for the okay?

SPEAKER_02 47:40

Well, I'm I am just at the beginning of this journey myself. I am looking into coaching. Um, I do have a calendar on which people can have time with me. I can share that with you, that link. You can reach out to me. My in my email address is write cute73. So w-r-i-te c u t e write cute because I write cute stories 73. Um is is my email address. I'm on Facebook, I'm on Instagram, I'm on LinkedIn, however, you uh whatever social media you want to reach out to me. Um, I'd love to have a conversation. I'd love to help you process and come up with positive that you're looking for. Uh, I love having those conversations. I love to encourage people and I love to hear people's stories. So yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 48:25

I think you'd be amazing in that space, but I'm no professional. Um but thank you so much for again for your time. Thank you for all the listeners. Remember, keep breaking those curses with excellence. You are worthy, you are deserving, you got this, and remember, healing is not a destination, it is a journey. Until next time, we'll see you later.