Episode Title: Heal Out Loud: Breaking Free from Burnout, Boundaries, and the Need to Prove Your Worth

What happens when faith, healing, boundaries, and self-worth collide?
In this powerful conversation, I sit down with Maz Alexander—Mental Wellbeing & Transformational Coach, Social Worker, Author, Speaker, Mother, and Comedian—to discuss breaking free from burnout, people-pleasing, emotional exhaustion, limiting beliefs, and the cycles that keep us feeling stuck.
Maz shares insights from her book, Arise Kintsugi Queens: You Are Becoming All You Were Meant to Be, and explains how our broken places don't disqualify us—they can become the very places where healing, strength, and purpose emerge.
In this episode we discuss: ✨ Healthy boundaries ✨ Faith and recovery ✨ Self-care without guilt ✨ Burnout and emotional exhaustion ✨ Reclaiming your identity ✨ Overcoming limiting beliefs ✨ Self-worth and personal transformation ✨ Breaking generational cycles ✨ Healing from rejection ✨ Living authentically
If you've ever felt overworked, depleted, rejected, unworthy, or trapped by expectations and traditions, this conversation is for you.

🎧 Episode Title: Heal Out Loud: Breaking Free from Burnout, Boundaries, and the Need to Prove Your Worth
Connect with Maz Alexander:
📖 Book Reviews: https://gettingtotherootwithdrreva.blog/2024/04/01/resilience-through-brokenness-lessons-from-arise-kintsugi-queens/
https://www.melanatedminds.co.uk/maz-alexander-arise-kintsugi-queens
🔗 Connect with Maz: https://linktr.ee/mazwellbeing

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

This episode of Breaking Curses with Excellence. I'm your host, Christy Christina, and I have today with me a special guest.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

Hello, I am Maz Alexander. I am calling from across the pond, and I am a mental health and well-being coach and an author, a speaker, and the toughest job of all a mother to a Gen Z daughter.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Oh wow. Oh wow. That's gotta be fun. It's very interesting. These kids nowadays, they are they're like they're different. They're different. They they think and say things that I didn't even have a clue at their age. Exactly. But let's jump jump right in to your story, your calling. Can you share what journey led you into mental well health? Well being, sorry. Well-being and transformational coaching.

SPEAKER_02 1:09

Oh, it looks like we closed.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Can you oh can you hear me? Can you is it working okay?

SPEAKER_02 1:16

We're good now.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Okay. Yeah, so from a very early age, I was always interested um in my own well-being, mental health. My mother actually was um a psychiatric nurse back in the day. Yeah, so she worked, well, it wasn't a hospital, it was it was an asylum back in the day. So they would put everyone in there. You didn't even have to have a mental illness. If you were an unwed, yeah, you could have been an unwed mother, you could have been me and you would have been in there. Any they put anyone who was um different. So I was fascinated. Yeah, my mom used to take me there um because she didn't have no one to look after me. So she would put me in the side room. And I remember being there one day and just looking at all these presentations, people with psychosis, people with various presentations. And I was like, you know, I was just sitting there fascinated. It was probably quite dangerous, actually. As you know, but I said, one day I'm gonna let them all out. That's what I said, and inadvertently throughout my work, um, that's that's what I do. Certainly in my social work role, um, part of my job is to discharge patients and rehabilitate them. So it's you know, kind of set the captives free. Um, but I I had my own experiences and I needed to be free. So I have always believed, and I still do, um, you know, our health is our wealth. And without, if you in terms of our mental health, if we don't have that, it's hard to function in any other area of our life. You could be successful financially, yes. Even your spiritual health, because we are tri-part beings, yeah. So we have our soul, we have our spirit, we have our body, and we need to make sure everything is in alignment. So, yeah, that's how I came to be in it. So I have the professional knowledge, but also my own personal struggles. Um, I was never clinically depressed, but I went through a let's call it spiritual melancholy, and it was a really dark soul of the night, you know, um, some sort of existential crisis. And I was like, Lord, what is going on? Right. But yeah, I get into that.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

Yeah, so so what was that that moment, that turning point for you? Like when you realized I'm called exactly to do this work. I know you mentioned what you were fascinated by, but was that the moment where you really just said, This is the kind of work I'm gonna do?

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Yeah, although I didn't always know it, but even the way that I um have been created, you know, I I always ask those questions. Um uh I guess maybe that's why I'm a black sheep in the family. But yeah, I'm used to um because even though my mother worked in it, she, you know, people can take a very clinical approach, but I I'm fascinated, you know, at the thoughts that we have. And when I say mental health, we're we're referring to how we think, how we feel, and how we act. What causes it? What's happening there? And even when I uh am experiencing some challenges, I I ask myself those questions. So the turning point for me, because I qualified as a social worker first, I did a master's and I knew I didn't want to work with children because people think social workers only work with children. I knew I didn't want to do that. Um I started off in older adults, and because I had a family member, you know, dementia um is considered to be a functional, what we call functional mental illness. So that was the starting point. I just enjoyed helping people and it progressed from there. And then, of course, came later my own burnout, uh, you know, certain depressive episodes that you know made me ultimately, um, you know, Chrissy, I wanted to be the change that I wanted to see. Because I know when it when I was going through some stuff, there was no one, um, not even in the church, yeah, no one to encourage, no one to talk to. And it was something that that was hidden. So, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Yeah, thank you so much for sharing that. Um, I I think uh a curious mind can get us in trouble, in trouble. And I put that in air quotes because it's not real trouble, it's the good kind of trouble. It makes us dig deeper, right? To to to see what is behind those things and not just accept them as okay, this is what they are. Um so thank you so much for sharing that. And I I just want to touch on the part about church too, because sometimes people associate our our mental stability with having enough faith. And um they're not connected in the way that we think, right? Um, or we've been taught by society it is it because you're struggling and there's nobody to reach out to in church, right? Your faith isn't isn't doing it, doesn't mean you have a lack of faith. It means you need a different kind of help, a different source, a different resource. Um, and that's something that God approves of, right? Wants us to do. Um, yeah, so can I can I just touch on that? Um sorry.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Okay, yeah, I I I want to agree with that because um yeah, on the contrary, that's where my my faith was born. Um, I because God taught me I had to rely on him, I had to work out, literally work out my salvation. And and um I uh we in church, even today, um, you know, we do a lot of spiritual bypassing, which is not helpful. Um, and and and we don't want to be like Job's friends, you know, accusing him of all kinds. Well you must have sinned or you're afflicted, as if we don't live in this world where we all it rains on all of us. What do you mean I don't have enough faith? So yeah, um, and like you just said, Chrissy, I love that because the support. So if, for example, Chrissy, you you you um you know you break your arm. Now, of course, I'm gonna pray for you, but you know, I might say, Chrissy, you need to go to the hospital. You that thing is broken. Am I just gonna stand there? And God gave us wisdom and discernment, did He not? Yes, yes. Let's not over-spiritualize everything, you know, use the the resources he's he's given us. So I what I'm saying is it needs to be holistic, it's not either or it's not prayer or go to the doctor. And and I think it's people are scared in the church, but they're not scared to give advice. I'm thinking, if you know you can't do a triple bypass on someone, you know you don't have the skills. Uh so why are you advising people about which treatment? You don't know anything about it, that's not your expertise. So, so what are you doing? But anyway.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

No, no, no, you're you're spot on. Like, I I wholeheartedly agree. There they're so much advice, right? And they're not professionals in the area, um, and so we have to be very careful of that when it comes to faith. So, can you share um about that spiritual and narcissistic abuse, right? What what does that look like in real life for people who may not even realize that they're actually living in it, surrounded by it? Can you speak on what what was the hardest parts of your healing journey with that as well?

SPEAKER_01 8:36

Yeah, um, both uh are distinct but have similarities, they're very insidious types of abuse because often not visible, they're not visible in the same way that you know physical abuse might be. You know, you you might see me with bruises and conclude, oh, something's going on there. Um and in terms, let's start with the not narcissistic abuse, uh and I've experienced both. Very, like I said, very insidious, and you won't know. And I didn't know because I just assumed a narcissist was someone who loved themselves and was looking in the mirror all day. It wasn't until I I work in the field, and when you've encountered, listen, when you encounter these people, hmm, you're let's just say you never forget. Yes, never, never forget, never forget. It listen, it I listen, it had me in therapy for many years, but but I'm wearing saying that in certain circles, because even in the secular world, because people like, oh, don't say that. People will diminish your your pain, but don't say that. Maybe they were just trying their best. Are you sure that's what they meant? And this is what it looks like because these um uh people, and I know they have trauma, yes, but the way they process their trauma is harmful to others. So um, someone we, you know, people have traits. I'm not talking about people who are a little bit arrogant, a bit so I'm talking about my experience has been these people want to literally, like Satan, kill, steal, and destroy. They have come to ruin you, to end you. There's no um, you know, oh, I'm just misunderstood. That is their mission. That is their mission. And yes, they may have had terrible um childhoods, and that's unfortunate. But these people do often do not uh will not seek um support, um, and they thrive in churches, by the way, because they're they can be very charismatic. Very charismatic and the church they love them and and and all of that, they gain followers, they gain and and and they hide in plain sight because they yeah. So these are the people often, and and by the way, yes, they could they can be they could be your family members. It's not people tend to think of it in terms of romantic relationships. It could be your family, your pastor, your friends. Yes, so common science. When we look at the DSM 5, for example, that that's our um our diagnostic um statistical manual for how we uh you know diagnose mental illness. And it's very hard even for therapists because these people they hide and and they're very functional and they're very successful. A lot of world leaders have these traits. So the typical um grandiosity, they they they're not quite delusional in a sense. They can be very successful, but um grandiose ideas, you know, I I'm I'm rich, no one else matters, that they'll walk all over you. They um they love to gaslight, which you know is a prop uh popular phrase today, but but if we think about it, it's literally twisting the truth. You know, it's like me saying to you, you know, you know, you're telling me, I'm telling you, Christina, you don't have you don't have glasses on. Uh, we can clearly see you have glasses, and then I make you believe that you're not wearing the glasses. And then you think, well, maybe am I? Am I not? And they you question your reality. That's what they do. They're very skilled. Um, so this this is just we're only on the narcissist. Let me, but um, yes, um, grandiosity, um, the gaslighting, manipulation um constantly. So it might look like, you know, Chrissy, uh, just let's just why don't you give me the keys? Give me your bank cards because you know you're so terrible with money, you know, and that's how the financial abuse begins, because then you don't have access to your own money, then you're being cut off from a family and friends. You know, Chrissy, no one will believe you because you're you're you know, you're a little bit crazy. Why don't you let me do the talking? So then all of that ensues, and it's very subtle, uh, because if somebody came to you like that now, you'd be like, Are you crazy? No, I'm not doing that. But they they do it, and then we go over to the spiritual um abuse, which which also looks similar because they too they use scriptures, so it's holy now, it seems holy. So the scriptures are taken out of context. That so it's typical things like wives submit to your husbands. Now, yeah, you you should, but um, your husband's trying to kill you, he's trying to kill you, trying to do and then pastors telling you, oh, you you you know, you just you're you're you're rebellious, you're disobedient, you just need to be with him. And we we hear all the time about how many husbands, especially these days in the last days, killing killing their wives and doing all kinds of things. So we need we need to be mindful. It looks like uh, you know, children um obey your parents, yes, that's true, but you know, some of those parents are are abusive, and it can encompass all the types of abuse: sexual, financial, physical. Uh sometimes it's more subtle, especially when it's emotional. It's um, you know, using scriptures for from my I'll give you a quick example because I I don't want to take too much time, but yeah, it's it's it was for me. I had inadvertently joined, I thought it was a church, but uh didn't know it was a cult. You know, you think of cults as you know, people chanting in the woods, you know. This gated off community that only they can be in, and there's yeah, yeah, yeah, you do. That's why so, and I was an intelligent person, uh yeah, I was. I was I didn't see it because um I felt a sense of belonging. I went back to church. I said, I'm you know, I need to get my life right. And and these people, you know, they did the love bombing, which is what you know narcissists do as well. But anyway, they they did all of that, and and that looks like a welcoming church because when you do go to church, of course they say, Oh, you know, give us your number, we'll welcome you, we go to each other's house, all of that. And you think, oh, this is nice, they're so nice. I it was three years in because I was in the ministry. I I I would sing, I would um run the Sunday school, I was, you know, really part of something, and I didn't know about their unwritten rules until I unwittingly broke them. So I didn't know, for example, that that that we're not allowed to have a television, and it was only things like people would keep reporting me, you know, like I'm a felon or something. They'd be like, Oh, sister Mad, somebody said that you had a TV. I said, Yeah, you shouldn't have a TV. I didn't know that. Somebody said that you um were going to a restaurant last week. I said, Yeah, me and my daughter went to you shouldn't do that. Didn't know all these things, and every other week I'm thinking I'm some kind of rebel. And these things that were not explicit. Uh, and then it it became more because I didn't know they followed the shepherding heresy. So I was a single divorcee um uh mother with my my child, and I didn't know that the pastor thought he was my husband. So, of course, he wanted everything to run through through him. If I wanted to go away on vacation or whatever, had to consult him. Even if I wanted to go to um read a Christian book, at the time I was reading um all kinds of Christian books and things. He's like, No, don't don't read those, and don't visit other churches because you get, what did he say? Spiritually transmitted diseases. He's like, just like if you sleep around, you'll get STDs. I'm like, but I'm just visiting with my auntie. What do you what do you mean? So all of these things and that I later, you know, and God showed me, um, and I eventually left that. But what I'm trying to say is it took me a while. If you're not familiar, because you you you're thinking the best of people, they're guiding you. Why what what do you mean? Why would the the pastor um have any ulterior motives?

SPEAKER_02 16:42

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 16:43

Yeah, so that that was one example, but um, there were others that are more obvious. So, yeah, clearly, when pastor's saying to come to bed, that's I don't know. What yeah, that was obvious. Yeah, it's like and and and then one pastor, can you believe he he said, Well, it's um you need as a woman, you should submit and you need to make me feel good. I was like, Are you are you mad? What are you talking about? So those kind of things were obvious, and I and I stayed clear for them, but the the one where I stayed for three years was because um, yeah, use of the scriptures and I pray, I'll be like, Lord, I I don't understand. Am I uh maybe I'm too carnal, maybe so you know, all of these things, and I began to study, um, and which I I know we're gonna talk about this in a moment, in terms of how my faith developed, because God actually showed me not to to rely on man, because I was every week looking for that they'd have these prophets, and the prophet would tell me who I'm gonna marry and who and what and where, and I became a bit addicted to that. I'd be like, What's he saying? I need to see what he's saying, and you know, I forgot about God in the process, and then uh I think God allowed them to let me down for me to see the bigger picture, so yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

Yes, I I that that really resonates, and I know it's gonna resonate with our listeners too. Um, I I experienced um similar, it was somewhat overt, but not. It's a weird conundrum, right? You're like, okay, now when I look back, that was very clearly abusive. But but then while you're in it, you're like, oh, that's just how they that's just how things go. Yes, that's just yeah, I'm a part of this, this is what we do, you know. Um for me, the experience had a lot to do with you know how they use the weaponized forgiveness and mercy. So yes, so anybody can do anything to you inside of the church. The the the supposed leaders, the whoever, right? And you're supposed to have mercy and forgiveness and act like it never happened, right? Which also allows them to continue to do it. That I feel like that's another reason that narcissists thrive, because no matter what they do to how many people, you're not supposed to talk about it because now you're you're making them look bad, right? And so you have to forgive them and act like it never happened, so there's no consequences, no standard which they have to follow, right? So they can go, they can go from one church to the other, just uh what do you being charismatic, like you said, being charismatic, and they get their followers and everybody's wrapped up in them, and then they use them up and move to another one, or you know what I mean? Things like that. So wholeheartedly uh I agree with you uh with everything you said. I I appreciate you sharing that with us. I know that's vulnerable. Um, I know it can it can be hard, especially when we love God and we want to find that closeness to Him. Um many people in our audience are overgivers, right? Um, I I say I'm a recovering overgiver, you know. Um why do you think so many people start struggles with that setting boundaries? Yeah, um what's a sign, would you say, that someone might be overgiving?

SPEAKER_01 20:08

Yeah, well, just it it ties in with what you just said, actually. Because when we have the wrong theology, our perceptions are distorted. When we think, because it's like, who who told you that? Where did that notion come from that being Christian is synonymous with being a doormat? Who said you have to be abused? Who said you have to suffer like that? Did God tell you that? No, I don't think so. So it's because people often, yeah, that that suffering in silence thing is seen as you know, humility. And like you said, anyone could do anything to you, so and you shouldn't complain about it and and and the forgiveness thing. But yeah, it's because people often think in terms of boundaries that they're selfish, so they don't set them. And I know scriptures tell us to, I think perhaps they've misunderstood what it means to deny yourself. Um, you deny yourself, yes, you we sacrifice and and our lives, you know, we're we're giving that to the Lord and all of that, but it's not so you can be somebody's punch bag, or you know, and so I think we have to have the rights. I mean, if we emulate what Jesus did, Jesus had boundaries. And and uh, someone in the Bible study, you know, I had to pull them up the other day, and they were like, Where did Jesus say have boundaries? And she was saying that because she felt it was uncut. I said, Jesus had many, he had many. You see how he dealt with the Pharisees, some of them which I believe were narcissistic people too. And he dealt with them. I love how we talked to them. I thought that's sassy, I love that, calling them vipers, brutal vipers. I love that, you know. Right, right. Yeah, and sometimes he turned over the tables, and sometimes he was silent. You know, he had he had responses, he protected his he didn't waste time with them, he didn't go back and forth with them and certain things. He he pr he focused on his mission and and which. What we should do. So uh you asked about a sign, Chrissy, and I would say your body tells you this is why I go back to the fact that we are tripart beings. You yes, you may be in the spirit and you're doing okay, great, but while you're here on earth, you have to live in this vessel. And if you are burnt out, because uh the the signs are there, you're irritable, you're you're exhausted, you you you you're you you know, you can't have time, you you're you can't make a decision because your your mind is confused and you can't make a decision and you feel stuck. That that's some indications that you know, and also you felt feel resentful. Now, a lot of people are generous and overgivers. That's that's good. But if you're the type of person, and it's especially with caregivers, and you feel like, oh, I have to, I have to do this, not I get to do this. Ah, and and you know, he never he never thanks me and I do this. You know, some people are martyrs and they'll be like, ah, it's like you don't have to. And then people will be like, but that's my husband, and that's that's my child. It's like, no, this is how we get into enabling. Now, you know, we we all have different members in our family. I know in my family we we have people with all kinds of mental illness, we have we have addicts, we have people, the kind of people who will take. And as long as you give in, they will always be. And it's and I think people suffer in the name of family. Um and we're not helping them by enabling them. So I think it's it's just really um, you know, and God showed me this anyway, but yeah, it's it's essential. Uh it's not just nice to have, it's essential that you have boundaries. And if you think they're selfish, okay, you might feel that way. But when you're in the hospital bed, and I don't mean that to sound dramatic or extreme, but like I said, it's like that book, The Body Keeps the Score. You know, that's where everything is held. Your nervous system is is dysregulated. You have to ask yourself if you become incapacitated, are you going to be able to operate in your mission, provide care, run the service? You know, so we have to um ultimately it comes back to being a good steward. God has given us resources, time, money, energy. Whatever he's given you, he expects you to steward it well. And sometimes God's looking at you, you're running yourself ragged, and he's like, Did I tell you to do that? Who told you to do that? You felt that being nice. Sometimes I think we have to be nice, Chrissy. Who do we don't have we can be kind, you don't have to be nice.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

Yes, yes. No, no, no, no, no. I I again wholeheartedly.

SPEAKER_02 24:41

Everything you said, everything you said, we do. Give me one second. Hold on, one second.

SPEAKER_00 25:20

So to to to go along with what you said, um, it was looked at as endurance, right? I I I don't know about for you, but for me, it was enduring, right? You're enduring for God, you're enduring in the name of Him. And I remember um somebody, maybe it even may have even just been me thinking about it, but you know when he said love yourself, love your neighbor as yourself, it means you have to have a level of love for yourself. And if I pour out everything, I can't really show love to my neighbor because I don't have it to give, right? I don't have and so for me, I kept feeling exhausted, I kept feeling uh uh resentful of the fact that people weren't doing the same as me. And I'm like, God, I thought you wanted me to sacrifice everything I had in the in your name, in the name of my brothers and sisters. And I felt like God allowed me to keep hitting that bottom in hopes that I would realize you shouldn't be doing this, you shouldn't you give at a healthy level, not as from what you don't have. So, so thank you so much for sharing that with us. Um, for sure. Definitely um appreciate that. Now, when it comes to identity and imposter syndrome, like I know I've I've struggled with it. There's days where I still struggle with it if I'm honest. How does imposter syndrome show up, especially for high-achieving individuals?

SPEAKER_01 26:56

Yeah, um, it's it's it's present a lot of the time, and it and by the way, imposter syndrome goes beyond self-doubt. I think we all have, I don't care how confident you want to say you are, how much self-esteem, everybody, I'm convinced everybody, especially women, us women, uh you're we're gonna have some self-doubt. And if you notice, Chrissy, where when does it appear? Whenever you want to elevate yourself, whenever you want to um uh you know, do something like even coming on here today. Um what what I call them gremlins? What did the gremlins tell me? Why are you going on there? You you don't have nothing to say, they they ain't gonna listen to you. Who do you think you are? Every time, yeah. And if I would have listened to them, Chrissy, we wouldn't have this show, would we? We wouldn't exactly we wouldn't have this awesome conversation, right? And you know, I I perform on stage, I do different things, or when I'm doing a conference and speaking in front of people, they they come loud. I'm like, shut up, leave me alone, I'm going. So I'm doing it. Yeah, you have to because, and I think the key to success, I think you do have to have a certain level of um not being delusional, but some people just seem to thrive because they they they don't they're not that self-aware. They just they're like nothing is impossible for me, I can have it, and and chances are they'll get what they want. Exactly. You're absolutely correct. And I'm not saying men uh don't have because of course men have impossible syndrome, but you know, it affects 70% of women, and and so um I think it's just recognizing it. Um, because I know some people say there's a way to eliminate it, but okay, what if you live a lifetime with it? If those gremlins aren't going away, what what are you gonna do? Are you gonna live as a hermit and never go out, never do anything? So I think it's good to just reframe it, look at the evidence. Um, you know, that time where someone said to you, Christian, you know you're beautiful, and I love your hair, by the way. And they said to you, yeah. So those days when you feel like, oh, I don't look like how I used to 20 years ago. I don't feel like, and you're like, no, you know, you look good and all of that. So it's it's talking to ourselves, a bit like how you know in the Psalms, I love the Psalms, how David talked to himself and encouraged himself, you know. And I I try to utilize that every day. Why are you so downcast? I'm like, what's wrong with you? Why why are you feeling like that? And you know, just stand on what what does God say you are? Who you're you're a daughter of the king, and and you know, all of these. I'm not saying affirmations don't work for everyone, but you know, you have to you have to um believe it. But in terms of just tell me the second part of your question, I know I'm going off.

SPEAKER_00 29:39

Um you're fine. Um about the imposter senses. How how does it especially well? No, no, you you answered it. You answered how does it show up? It shows up as those gremlins, like you said in your hands.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, essentially, yeah, it's it's all the limiting beliefs you have. You shouldn't go there, you can't wear that, you can't do that. Who do you think you are? That's what it looks like. That's what it looks like, and also other self-sabotaging behaviors, which may look like you're not going for the promotion, you're qualified to do it, and and but you just don't, you're like, Oh, I won't get it, so you don't even try, or you keep going, um, you keep involving yourself in relationships that you know, you know, you might be keeping trauma bonding, you you might love men who just came out the penitentiary, you just because you're like, oh, I don't deserve a good man, he's too nice for me, so I'm gonna go with this one because I I'm familiar with this one. It's all the of those kind of behaviors that basically contradict what you you want, you you you you you are cutting yourself off because and and we're gonna get into that, sorry, Chrissy. It's ultimately this is why, because you mentioned before about loving ourselves that we're commanded to love your neighbor as yourself. I believe a lot of people can't do that because they they don't love themselves. So, how can you love others? You you tend to be overly critical of others because you're harsh with yourself, so it's it's that what you think of yourself matters, even even some people can't even receive the promises of God or encouragement from others because they're like, I don't deserve it, I'm not worthy.

SPEAKER_00 31:16

So and I I think too, like to to kind of tack on and add to um what you said about um you know self-sabotaging. I think sometimes it also shows up in the fact that we like you said, oh, he's too nice, or she's too nice, or you know, you're you're you're in a relationship with somebody who loves you correctly, and you're like, no, I don't like this. I feel real uncomfortable. You know what I mean? They're not fun, they're not exciting, they're very boring, right? Yeah, why do why do you feel so adversely towards sitting and being loved? You know, yeah. Why are you trying to run away? Why are you trying to find things that are wrong? Is it because truly you don't think you deserve somebody who loves you at that at that level? You know what I mean? Somebody who has a healthy love. So you're right, like, yeah, yeah. I just wanted to add that on. Thank you so much, thank you so much for bringing that to the attention um about how we can see that in ourselves. And um what would you say right now to someone who has um uh struggled embracing their how can I say it? Um how how can someone begin rebuilding? I'll I'll put that way rebuilding their identity, right? Um from being deple depleted, rejected, lost, all the negative things that can happen to somebody. How do they rebuild that so that they don't feel as much of an imposter as before? How can they start with that?

SPEAKER_01 33:09

Boy, Chrissy, that's the story of my whole life. I'm saying I still trying to rebuild it, but yes, everything comes down to our identity. So um I like what um there's a quote from Mark Twain who says, a man cannot live without his own approval, and that's so true. What you think of yourself matters so much. And um, I don't I don't know, this maybe your listeners have different beliefs or whatever, but ultimately, um, and to quote again, Miles Monroe, um, he uh I like what he said, and I'm paraphrasing, but you know, it's like if you if you want to know how something works, you consult the the manufacturer, you you go to the creator of the thing, you know. I when iPhone first came out, maybe we talked to Steve Jobs about how how does it work? What do we do? We didn't know what iPhones were when they first came out. So, similarly, we have a creator, he knows us, all that stuff that's in our subconscious, everything, which is why we need to be in relationship with him. And if we're in relationship, uh he will reveal things that we don't know about ourselves, he will give us the you know, the mission, the assignment that we're called to do while we're here on earth, because we're all I do believe we're here, uh all of us here for a reason. No matter how insignificant you you feel that you you are, so we need to check in. So your identity for those of us who believe, but even if you don't, that that's still a fact. You you have a creator, you know, and and and your salvation is through Jesus Christ. So it's it's about tapping in into that, you know, and you can do that through prayer and others. Uh and this is the thing, if you're like me, it's not good to be in your own head too much because you start to overanalyze everything. You you start to um you mentioned something, and this is again going back to the tripart beings, that's how we were created. So you have to understand that your body, uh, that's where your uh, you know, your physical, that's where your nervous system is. Your soul is your mind, your will, and emotions, you know, and your spirit is the part where God lives. And so that's why you can do things in the spirit, but you may be physically weak, you may be depleted in other ways. There needs to be an alignment. So um you you do you can't consult your maker and and he will show you. But I I do appreciate that there will be times where some people, and I've I've been there, where you cannot even uh pray for yourself. So then you might need some others to intercede. You know, you might you might even be like Elijah, don't forget Elijah, call down fire one moment, and the next my guy was um suicidal and depressed.

SPEAKER_00 35:49

Suicidal, yeah, I'm the only one, it's only me. It's yeah, yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 35:54

But I think that's quite logical. I know people um say things that is uh that it's of course it's quite logical because um his life was being threatened. There was a hit out on it that Jezebel. Literally, I would run away too and hide. I'd be like, Listen, Lord, just take me now because this woman is evil and she's trying to give me. It makes perfect sense to me. I know we we criticized Elijah, but you know, and then you had Jeremiah, he was weeping. Yeah, I don't because they were human, they were human beings, and given any of the circumstances that these people were in, we would have perhaps been been the same as a stay in the same place, in the very same place.

SPEAKER_00 36:32

Thank you so much, Laz, today, for joining us, for sharing your insight, your wisdom, your personal experience, also from a political perspective. Um, I think that the listeners, our audience, will absolutely love everything you have to say, especially those who who are in faith environments who have been hurt by even their faith, you know, and so they can get back to their faith and not rely on humans because as we see, there's many problems there. Um, but I truly appreciate your insight, your wisdom. Uh to anybody who's listening, uh remember that you are worthy, you are deserving, keep going. You got this, and healing is a journey, not a destination. And until next time, be awesome. Keep breaking those generational curses with excellence.