You Can't Outgrow What You Won't Release | Healing Trauma, Building Confidence & Breaking Cycles

In this powerful episode of Breaking Curses with Excellence, host Christina Russell-Strong sits down with Sonia Rodrigues, MA, LPC, LMFT, LCADC, ACS, NCC—licensed therapist, speaker, author, and Founder of Transition to Wellness—for an honest conversation about healing, confidence, career growth, and breaking unhealthy cycles.

With more than 20 years of experience in mental health, Sonia shares practical wisdom on helping high-achieving women heal from emotionally unavailable relationships, betrayal trauma, attachment wounds, anxiety, and major life transitions. Together, Christina and Sonia explore how childhood conditioning, self-worth, mindset, and emotional healing influence every area of our lives—including our careers, relationships, and purpose.

In this episode, you'll learn:
• Why mindset can determine your future more than your résumé • How childhood messages shape confidence and self-worth • The connection between emotional healing and professional success • Why rejection isn't always failure—it can be protection • How to recognize limiting beliefs and replace them with confidence • Practical steps for creating a healthier, purpose-driven life
If you're ready to stop shrinking yourself, heal from the past, and step into the life you deserve, this conversation is for you.
If this episode encouraged you, please Follow, Subscribe, Leave a Review, and Share it with someone who needs this message.

Connect with Christina Russell-Strong

🌐 Website: TheRusMix.com

Connect with Sonia Rodrigues

Sonia Rodrigues, MA, LPC, LMFT, LCADC, ACS, NCC
Founder, Transition to Wellness
🌐 Website: www.transitiontowellness.com⁠�
📸 Instagram: @transition.to.wellness
📧 Email: sonia@transitiontowellness.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Welcome to this episode of Breaking Curses with Excellence. I'm your host, Christy Christina, and I have today with me.

SPEAKER_03 0:17

Sonia Rodriguez, founder of Transition to Wellness. Thank you for the first time. I'm also a psychotherapist and women's life transition coach, and I help women in midlife heal from relational trauma, rebuild their self-worth, and create the life that they've always desired.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Thank you so much for joining us today. I can't wait to have this conversation gain insight, wisdom, advice from you, and your wealth of experience. Can you start out by telling us how you got to where you are now? Was there something that happened in your life that made you go in this direction? Or can you tell us a bit about your journey?

SPEAKER_03 1:04

Sure. Thank you so much for having me. Happy to share a little bit about my journey. And my journey started essentially at a fairly young age when I was in high school and realized that I definitely wanted to be in a helping profession. I just loved helping people. I was a listener, I was somebody that friends would and family members would often go to for help and support. And I just felt into that role of kind of being this natural helper. And then I started to dig in a little bit into my psychology courses when I went off to college and I said, you know, it just feels natural to go into becoming a therapist. And so I was very focused on working with uh predominantly young children. I wanted to support children who didn't have a lot of resources and work in um, you know, uh challenging communities. I worked with a number of immigrant families and uh, you know, poverty. And so I really just felt like I wanted to make a difference. And my um profession and professional goals really pivoted when I experienced my own trauma. And unfortunately, I went through uh some very difficult uh moments in my relationships, and um, that kind of shifted everything for me. I experienced significant betrayal trauma, and um, my life was kind of turned upside down in ways that I could have never imagined. And I thought to myself, well, you know, I'm a therapist and I'm struggling so much with this, and I have so many resources and tools. I can only imagine what an everyday person who doesn't have all of these skills and resources goes through when they experience relational trauma and betrayal. And so it just got me thinking, and I just said, you know what, this is such a difficult time in my life, and I really want to pivot my career and make sure that I go into something where I can support women also having this experience. And um, you know, combining my training with my own personal experience has been incredibly powerful for me in terms of my personal and professional growth. And you just see things from a different lens. And so uh one of the things I really focus on and the people I work with is really just how do we make sense of the challenges and the traumatic moments that we go through, and how do they pivot our life into a different direction? Because if you asked me several years ago, I would not have imagined that this is where you know I would be working in or focused on. And I essentially live and breathe, you know, helping people heal from their traumatic um experiences and rebuilding their life. And so really getting people to see what their worthiness looks like. And um, it's just it's been incredible. I I um really it it makes sense why I had to experience what I experienced in order to come to this and to be able to help people navigate during these difficult moments.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

Thank you so much for sharing that. Thank you for turning your pain into purpose, right?

SPEAKER_02 4:30

Yes, yes, that's exactly it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And and I I feel like that, you know, to have a therapist or um people in that field is is very helpful, but I feel like it's a different level of connection that you have when you know they've been through similar things. You know, they they get the the the nuanced emotions that things cause. Like, you know, you would have never thought that this my this thought that I have in my head really comes from the betrayal that happened 15 years ago. You know what I mean? Like, but that part stuck with me. Um, so either side of it, but thank you so much for for sharing that with us. Um I'm gonna I'm gonna somewhat switch um gears a little bit. Can you kind of shed some light on how many people hear the word trauma and they think of major things, right? You know, betrayals, abuse, things like that. But how can emotional neglect and emotional unavailability in relationships cause trauma?

SPEAKER_03 5:37

Wow, what what a powerful question. And uh so many people don't see that as trauma, they don't see even the impact of you know that emotional unavailability and feeling neglected by a parent or a caregiver or a partner, and it feels devastating on the other side of things. And one of the things that I've really learned the hard way is that oftentimes it's not necessarily intentional by the person who is doing it, it's just that they don't have the emotional maturity and the emotional skills to be able to navigate healthy relationships. And so a lot of people will often shut down. They will run away from conversations because they view everything as a confrontation or a conflict, even though you're just trying to work through something. But um the the impact this has on the person on the receiving end is is detrimental. It it allows it causes them to feel like their needs are not important. What they want and value in a relationship is being dismissed, and they're constantly feeling alone. And one of the things I hear all the time is I live with somebody, but I feel alone. You know, I'm married, but I feel alone. I've been in a relationship for 10 years, but I feel alone. And so that loneliness really comes from, you know, this emotional disconnect, you know, people disconnected from themselves and then disconnected from their partners. And that creates, you know, depression, anxiety, you know, trauma that's you know, all connected and people don't realize that. But trauma, and like you said, trauma doesn't have to be this major thing. Years ago, we used to look at trauma as you know, PTSD from being in the military or um, you know, a major car accident. But trauma can be, you know, witnessing your parents uh physically fighting, you know, growing up in a household with domestic violence. That's a key traumatic indicator, right? The betrayal trauma. So many people are like, well, I didn't realize this was such a major thing. It's devastating. Losing a parent, losing a child, these are all traumatic moments. Even watching something traumatic when you're driving, if you pass or witness a traumatic accident where someone loses their life, that's trauma. You know, and that that impacts you, you know, talking about the trauma that first responders experience on a regular basis.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

On a regular basis, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:28

Yeah. So, you know, I think it's important for people to recognize that we all experience some level of trauma and we can't just ignore it. We can't just pretend it didn't happen because it's sitting in our bodies.

SPEAKER_01 8:41

Yeah. I think um it's really true. We overlook a lot of actual trauma. Like we really do. We only we almost treat it. I mean, it's different, but we almost treated like you know, people are like, you know, they have more understanding for somebody who's physically disabled, right? Versus um somebody who struggles mentally. Um they they actually think, oh, it's mind over matter, you can get through it, you can whatever. But you wouldn't say that to somebody who's physically doesn't have a part of the leg, or you know what I mean, things like that. And so there's the big things where people imagine, you know, oh yeah, I can see how you put that. You know, and and we kind of self appoint, um, I don't know how to articulate it correctly, but appoint ourselves as the judge of some the extremeness of trauma sometimes, which is very a very, uh very incorrect thing to do.

SPEAKER_03 9:34

Um which usually comes with a minimization of it.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 9:38

Yes, always it's like, well, this wasn't that's not a big deal. Why why do you keep bringing this up? You know, one of the worst and most traumatic things I heard after I experienced a significant betrayal in my relationship was when are you gonna get over this? And it was the worst, it's etched in my brain forever. You're you're essentially dismissing this massive thing that happened in our relationship where I no longer feel emotionally safe in my relationship. And you're asking me when I'm gonna get over it. Yes, it was it's very dismissive. Uh, you can't rush the process, and saying things like that are just not productive, and they really don't help the other person heal.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

At all. I remember when we got out of the abusive environment, and me and my mom were you know away from him, and I was talking to a friend, and um and everything she was like, Oh you were saying that like it happened yesterday. Like I just got out of this life, like this has been my foundation. So it didn't have to happen yesterday for it to be a huge deal for me. You know what I mean? And so yeah, it's always always comes with that minimization, um, which is very, like I can say counterproductive to any kind of healing or even making the person feel loved or seen um in that moment.

SPEAKER_03 11:07

Yeah, but you raise a really important point that when you experience something so deeply impactful that it stays with you and it feels like yesterday. You know, the very first time I found out that my partner was betraying me is what I call D-Day, a discovery day. And I can think if I just close my eyes for a moment, I can think about it like it was yesterday and it was several years ago. You know, it is like you said, these moments stay with us for a lifetime. And they, and you can not just remember it, but you feel how painful that was. And I and I'm sure, you know, I'm so thank you for sharing your story. And I'm so glad that your mom, you and your mom were able to get out of you know, that situation. But um, you know, it's it's it stays with you. It's the emotions are still there. That lack of physical and emotional safety is is there.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

Yes, absolutely, absolutely. Um how so I and I know you know, part of my attachment style is very much wrapped up in that teaching experience of life. But what if not someone maybe carrying attachment wounds from their childhood into adulthood? Um, I know about anxious and I know about avoiding, but can you give us the professional perspective on that?

SPEAKER_03 12:30

I love talking about attachment styles. And I for everyone that comes into my office, it's the first thing I talk about. I'm like, you have to learn about this. And I remember learning about it as a student and just thinking, okay, here's another theory I'm learning about in psychology. Had I known that this was really the foundation to having successful relationships, right? And so I didn't know that. And I learned that the hard way, like most people do later on in life after a series of unsuccessful relationships, right? And so, you know, knowing your attachment style is critical, you know, for going on to having successful relationships. And and also this this plays into various parts of your life. You know, I have a client right now who's like, you know, my boss is triggering me every day. She reminds me of my mom. I'm like, let's do some attachment style work. Um, but you're right, it's um, you know, there's secure attachment, avoidant attachment, and anxious attachment style. And um, depending on what your attachment style is and your partner's attachment style will determine the um the conflict, the kinds of conflict that you have in there. And what's very common is the partnership of an anxious attached person and an avoidant attached person. And it create it creates havoc. It's it's um, you know, really interesting. One of the other things I learned as I'm in a relationship was um I went into the relationship with a secure attachment style with an avoidant, and I became anxious in this dynamic because the avoidant, I I didn't understand fully that the um partner that my partner at the time was operating from a very from a dismissive avoidant attachment style and and essentially running anytime I wanted to be close. And that made me anxious. I was like, what's going on here? Yesterday everything was fine and you wanted to connect with me and and now you're running away, and I don't know when you're coming back, right? That push-pull dynamic can create anxiety for people who are not anxious, right? Um, but I I love that you know about your attachment style.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

Um I'm anxious.

SPEAKER_03 15:03

And for all of the read you know, listeners out there, I would highly recommend that you learn about your attachment style. Uh the book attached uh is is very, very helpful. You can also do some online free quizzes to learn about your attachment style. And if you're avoidant or anxious, you don't have to stay that way. There are things that you can do and learn to move into secure attachment and go on to have very healthy relationships where things are calm and there isn't this push-pull dynamic. And so I really want to encourage everybody to learn about their attachment styles. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

Okay, okay. I I I love I love quizzes. I love a free quiz.

SPEAKER_03 15:46

Well, I will I will send you the link for sure. I love learning about like I love the personality quizzes, I love that kind of thing, just to see about this this is real, and this will help anybody who really wants to understand why they keep calling in the same partners, right? And so uh that was my greatest wake-up call. Uh personally, was why do I keep attracting these avoidant men into my life? Oh my goodness, who shut me out of their lives for days, and all I want to do is talk through things and resolve them and you know move towards collaboration.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

Right, right. I um so interesting for me was um when I was with men I was somewhat of an avoidant. Um but with my wife, I'm interested, you know, and it's for me it's because with with men, um while I did want their love and and attention and all the things, I just hadn't had that kind of bond with me, right? My father wasn't secure, you're not safe, is what my what I didn't realize. My brain was saying you're not safe. So I'm not gonna show you all my feelings, you know what I mean? I'm not gonna show you all the ways I want to connect because you're not safe. And I was making choices, right? With choosing people that were not safe. I was correct on that, but um you have to be able to have that kind of emotional vulnerability um in your relationship to work, and if you can't, then that's a problem.

SPEAKER_03 17:27

Um I had to work on those things, and you know, um and what an amazing example that is, because you grew up in a household where it was not safe at all to be in the presence of a man, your father, whom you're supposed to trust and feel this tremendous amount of physical and emotional safety with, and you couldn't. Right, right, and um, you know, we subconsciously find partners like one of our parents, the one parent that we um, you know, have have internal conflict with, right? And so you without realizing it, we're calling in these partners who've reminded you of that dynamic, yes, and continue to be in painful situations, right? Until you can break the pattern. And interesting thing, yes, you can. Yes, you can identify it first. Absolutely, yeah, yes, absolutely. And then you felt safe with a woman.

SPEAKER_01 18:23

Yeah, yeah, yeah. To show all the gushiness of myself.

SPEAKER_03 18:28

Yeah, I know that's great. And you know that that vulnerability, I love that you're able to, you know, this is my favorite part of my work, is that people share their journeys and their stories with me. And I feel so honored to be a part of that process because that's that's you know, it's it's incredible. And when you can share your story, that alone is so healing. And for for many years, and I'm sure with you too, for many years I didn't share my story because I was, you know, embarrassed by it. I I didn't know what to say. And it wasn't until recently where I was like, I'm ready, I'm ready to talk about this, and I feel so much better. I feel like I'm not carrying this weight with me anymore. And I've connected with incredible women across the across the globe who have had similar experiences and we have bonded, you know, as a result of that, right? So, you know, I think it's so important for people not to uh suffer in silence, and that's that's something I always say. And that we all have a story, we all have a journey. It doesn't make us less than anything, it makes us stronger, in fact. And you know, I'm so grateful that you are in a good place now with someone who's safe.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

If today's conversation encouraged you, I'd love to help you continue on your journey at thesmix.com. The Rustmix.com. You'll find one-on-one coaching, keynote speaking, podcast episodes, books, journals, apparel, and wellness products. A host of practical resources designed to help you break unhealthy cycles, build self-work, lead with purpose, explore everything at therustmix.com. And if you have questions or you'd like to work with me directly, email me at infotherustmix.com. Now let's get back to the episode.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

Yes, so so and and so am I, so am I. I I think that um I, you know, as a child, you know, we were in a religious family, everybody thought this and that about us, and and so I didn't share. But once I got out, I did share, and I equated that, unfortunately, with healing. I mean, I thought sharing was healing. But as I got older and I started to see these patterns, like calling in the same kind of part, that same dynamic where you're really mean to me, but I'm just trying to prove that I'm good enough, which was my father, right? Um I realized there's something more that I need to do besides sharing, you know. I need to get the proper resources and people in my life to help me deal with this and put it where it should go, you know. Um and so that's that's where I'm at. So now when I tell the stories, it doesn't take away from my power, right? Like it it it it adds to my power, and I know that if there's somebody out here that can resonate with it and they can help, then that's the point, right? That they can see you can get out of that.

SPEAKER_03 21:32

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. And yeah, you bring up something so important, and I know you do this work, is the topic of worthiness and self worth, right? And that we cannot allow someone else to determine our worthiness. And we do it, we do it when you know this this person is not focusing on me, this person doesn't pay attention to me, I feel unseen, and then we determine. that that that should you know tell us how we should how worthy we should feel but that's completely inaccurate right our worthiness is built on what we think about ourselves and that we all deserve love we all deserve to be seen and we all deserve healing right and so yes that's that's the power is like do not let anyone else determine your your worthiness right because it it starts with us right and then everything comes from that right we think that we're worthy we will attract people friends right relationships right that reflect that we are worthy you know what I mean but we have to believe it ourselves yes that's the power and yeah go ahead go ahead I was gonna say that's the power and and what's really powerful too is being able to walk away from situations that no longer serve you and saying you know if I don't feel worthy in this environment in this situation I have the power to walk away and that doesn't mean that you know I can still love from afar you can still love somebody from afar but you can choose yourself you can always choose yourself you don't need somebody who's mistreating you to determine that you're worthy and at some point you just have to say I deserve better and walk away yep and it it's it it can be very painful but so liberating and and you never imagine how quickly the right people will come into your life after you realize that yes I love that you're absolutely right and and people fear being alone so a lot of times they'll stay in situations that are toxic or unhealthy for them because they're afraid of being alone or they're afraid that they can't make it work. But exactly what you said the right people will come as soon as you level up into your worthiness and say like this is what I know I deserve and um I'm going to start attracting those kinds of people into my life because I'm gonna create space for them. Yes yes great space for them great space for the good the good that is is wanting to come in right absolutely you know I I there's there's there's so many questions that I I I want to ask during that but can you um can you explain to us why intelligent successful high achieving women especially I I don't feel I'm I'm not counting out men because it also happens with men but I feel like especially happens with women sometimes struggle to leave unhealthy relationships even though they they have they're overqualified you can even say for a lot of things and but in the relationships they set up for less they they are willing to tolerate being treated like they're less beautiful question beautiful beautiful question um we want to make things work we're fixers right you don't you don't end up in those spaces by just um giving up on things and so when you're a high achieving intelligent woman you want to make things work you don't want to walk away from something and and throw in the towel too soon you want to be able to say um you know this this is important to me and I can make it work and um usually they're they're high achieving and they're intelligent but they're also very empathic. And that empathy piece means like hey I'm gonna give them another chance you know let me help them get the right resources the right supports uh we can fix this you know I'll give them another chance and we make excuses right we make excuses for them but um and you know we're also I feel like emotionally immature and avoidant men are drawn to oh yeah successful women because they they're just they're drawn to that and they're like well you know I want to have this woman in my life because it elevates me and you know what does this say about my worth if I can be with this kind of woman but then they can't show up then they're you know they they're they're not able to follow through they're they're not able to um provide what they promise right a lot of empty promises there's there's a lack of follow through for sure and and and ultimately sometimes they want to tear down that highly high achieving woman that confident woman they they want to they they just completely overhaul put all kind of seeds of doubt of her work um yeah because of how they feel about themselves you know how do you think that a person can begin rebuilding their confidence if they've had that kind of relationship or that kind of situation or an environment because you know it's not limited just to romantic right it's also um friendships, family ships, whatever um how can they start to rebuild their confidence and identity after they've gotten out of emotionally toxic or unavailable relationship environment yeah excellent question so the rebuilding process really starts with um acknowledging that the situation that you were in was not healthy for you and that it may have uh traumatized you created some damage um you know uh made you question yourself your intuition and um you know taken a or impacted your self-confidence and so you know acknowledging that that all transpired that we all go into situations and we don't see them clearly sometimes until we can step out of it and so kind of giving yourself grace um because a lot of times people will say well why didn't I leave earlier why did I stay in this how did I get involved in this right so trying to move away from the judgment of yourself and saying that you know we we end up in situations because we think they're going to be better or we're given promises or told that things are going to be given to us or we're gonna have these things in a relationship and there's no follow through. We don't know that going into it right so to to be gentle and kind with ourselves and recognize that every relationship uh comes with a lesson. And then the next step is really to uh think about all of the things that they love about themselves and and what uh they want to bring back into their lives because a lot of times when you're in these kinds of relationships you lose yourself you stop doing things you love you give up hobbies you give up going out with friends and um so to kind of reconnect with that again you know re-rebuild your connections with friends um connect with old hobbies or create new ones create opportunities that um you can go out and do things that you enjoy and re-rebuild your life in that way and um and then you know I always say with every negative comment that you say to yourself try to pair it with a positive so anytime you say something negative about yourself catch it and say oh uh let me let me also add a positive and what that looks like I'll just give you an example is if you say um I didn't get to work out today you know I'm so lazy I didn't get to work out today uh and you find yourself saying that comment to yourself that you immediately say oh but I did get to do a lot of um housework and I was moving uh when I was vacuuming and going up and down the stairs to clean things you know you kind of like can immediately give yourself a positive like you know okay I didn't get to do this today but I did do this and now the house is really clean and I feel good about that.

SPEAKER_01 30:19

Yes right?

SPEAKER_03 30:20

Yes yes yes absolutely absolutely thank you for that that's very a very practical thing that you can do immediately right yeah um gonna jump to parents just real quick um for for parents who are navigating difficult situations co-parenting situations how can they how can they prioritize their own healing while supporting their children because it can be very difficult if you're you know you're leaving a abusive relationship right or there's been betrayal in your marriage and you're leaving it you know you've got your children who still depend on you significantly and may even more even more so now right but you still have your own healing to do how how can they navigate that gosh you know I feel like so many no no this is you know it's it's something that so many people are struggling with and so what's so important is recognizing that um we are figuring things out so being gentle and understanding with yourself that as adults we don't have a roadmap that's given to us right we have resources that we can connect with and we're gonna make mistakes and the important piece is that um we're always repairing right so if you're if you're arguing with your kids because you're stressed out or there's an argument with an ex and um you immediately feel bad about it you can repair that and say you know what I'm so I'm sorry I I um screamed at you I'm you know feeling extremely stressed today I didn't mean it um I'm you know I apologize right that's a repair so you don't have to do things perfectly but you do have the option and should work on your repairs and how can I fix this right and even if it doesn't happen immediately that you think about it process it and say how can I repair this and how could I respond differently next time and so it's important that we're always looking at ourselves as as an opportunity to grow, show up better and that our kids are watching us. And even if we're not even if they don't know the ins and outs of the dynamic between mom and dad, they feel it. They feel that energy they feel it right and that's something that's so hard for me because it's hard you know being betrayed in a relationship and having to still communicate with an ex over children after you know surviving a betrayal and the lies that come along with that right so you just kind of have to try to show up and be like okay let me put on my co-parent hat right now and you know try to push some of that anger and resentment aside and it's very hard to do. And so I always say you know get support don't do it alone. Yes blessed for those of us in the US I'd say blessed to have so many resources available to us. And there are places you can access therapy for free now if you you've been um victimized uh in a domestic abuse or sexual abuse situation there's free resources pretty much all over the country you can access supports um there's reading materials you know anything and everything reach out for support don't do it alone uh we don't we don't have the roadmap so we've got to learn we've got to figure it out and there's the power of repair yes yes I I think one of the you know one of the huge things that jumped out at me of what you just said is you know being willing to repair or repair rather um because you know that requires transparency somewhat transparency and and and I think maybe fathers too but I know women struggle with the idea I don't want to seem like I'm putting my problems on my child right by being too open about what's going on but like you said they feel it right so no you're not trying to put it on them but you're explaining that you're human right and by the way that we learn how to repair with them they'll learn that when they get older it's okay to do the same right yeah when you have children you can repair you can explain you know I was having a really rough day you know I I'm sorry that I reacted like that you know I never want to like you know what I mean so I feel like you also give them permission right for the future to to show that they're not a superhuman you know yeah um they don't have to be one you know learn how to repair those relationships if if you do have outbirds yes absolutely and if I could just add two quick things that I just thought of yeah yeah yeah absolutely parents will often say you know I don't want my kids to see these things or I you know I I don't want to talk about these things but the kids grow up in these environments feeling like everything's a secret or they can't talk about their emotions. The very best thing you can do when you're going through something is to not tell the details but say mom's going through something mom and dad are going through something. You know you may have heard some arguing occasionally adults don't get along and we're we're working through it. We don't want you to worry it's not about you you didn't do anything wrong. We're figuring things out but we just want you to know that um you know sometimes this happens but like not saying anything and you know kind of having them listen to all this arguing or feel this negative energy or tension or mom and dad aren't talking to each other. Right. You know, they feel it all and so that uh you know the goal is not to suffer in silence and just to say you know I'm sorry that you heard that uh you know we're working through things we're we're figuring this out um and and reassure them that it's not about them because a lot of times kids will always feel like did I do something wrong? Is this about me? You know how can I fix it? And so really really important for for that to you know for adults to talk about that. And the second thing I wanted to add was that um when we're just having a tough day tell your kids you know mom's really stressed right now and you know what I do when I'm stressed I like to go for a walk you know so so tell them the emotion tell them what you're feeling and tell them how you handle it. That's the perfect example and perfect way to say here's how I handle conflict here's how I handle stress here's how I handle my anger because you want kids to know that all these emotions are safe and what do we do that's positive for coping with it because you don't want to pretend everything's fine. That's a lot of parents do that. And I know it's not intentional but we think we're protecting our kids by saying everything's fine and putting on the smile when we walk in the door even though we're suffering inside the very best thing we can do is be real with them and say listen absolutely it's part of life is being angry or you know being stressed here's what I do when I'm angry here's what I do when I'm stressed here's my way of coping. What do you think you might like to do if you're feeling angry? You know create that discussion that's where people that's where you learn emotional safety and emotional intelligence.

SPEAKER_01 37:47

And if we break that cycle we end up not having so many adults who don't have those skills and then have challenges in the relationships because they're not able to express themselves okay so thanks I just wanted to share that no thank you for sharing that absolutely everything you just said thank you so much um I have a uh and some some closing questions that I I want to ask and what what is one belief about relationships and healing that you wish more people would challenge you know just a a misconception a common thing that we think is true about relationships you know I I bring this up in a lot of interviews that I do probably because it was one of the most painful things in my life is that they think the silent treatment is okay.

SPEAKER_03 38:38

They think that taking space and not saying anything is okay and it can be very detrimental right you're basically shutting out your partner for days sometimes and then you know everyone says well time heals okay time heals some things to an extent but you know repair communication is really the healing piece and so it's okay to say I'm really upset right now I need some space can we come back and talk about this in a couple hours that's healthy. But you know walking out the door not telling your partner where you're going and you know not communicating for eight to 10 hours that's not okay. And so the misconception that we need space or we just need to be away from each other is something I would challenge right and so what I encourage couples I work with and individuals I work with is to say communicate I need space right now here's how you know here's how much space I need and on my plan is to come back and then we can talk about it. Yes. Not to just walk away from a situation for an endless amount of time and uh to come back and just expect that you know because you haven't talked to each other for four days that everything's fine. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:59

Yes so that that's that's when I decided thank you yes thank you it's it's very true because um like I've learned that in my marriage like have to communicate because for me like I've always because I was single for a very long time right I'm used to having space from people you know like if if me and my friends get in a conflict or even family I can walk away and have some time and come back and articulate or never talk about it again. But when you're married like you have to communicate okay I'm I'm I'm walking away because I feel like I'm gonna say something I don't want to right and not I'm abandoning you know your feelings that are are big right now you know your your our emotions are running high and I'm just gonna walk away yeah that was something that I had to learn.

SPEAKER_03 40:46

Something I had to be better a better communicator that way like you mentioned um if someone's listening today right and they feel broken overwhelmed unworthy of healthy love what would you want them to hear uh for me no one's broken everyone has just wounds wounds that we can heal and um that healing is so important and to not brush things under the rug or say that time alone will heal it uh we do need to do the work we need to process it we need to understand it and we need to express it and um you know whichever way people can find healing you know not everyone is uh into therapy that's fine but figure out you know self-help read a book read an article journal meditate uh engage in physical activity just learn to understand that your emotions are there and that they're they're important and valid um but I would say to just you know not not to do everything alone recognize that you're not broken you can heal yourself and that you're worthy of all of the things that you've ever dreamed of and that you know change can happen it doesn't have to happen overnight but every day you just say what's one small step I can do today to get me to where I want to be and so one of the things I'm going to give you a practical tool that I give to my clients I'm visual I'm a visual person I love drawing a ladder. So this is what I would encourage you to do just take an empty piece of paper blank piece of paper draw a ladder with the rungs and at the very top set a goal like I want to make uh you know $10,000 extra this year. So uh then start with the first rung and say what your first step is going to be. And so that might be I'm gonna listen to a free webinar on maximizing your earning potential. That's step one. Right. So just and then you know for them to just put the steps that it's gonna take for them to get to that goal. And it's just a great visual for you to just think in one small step because sometimes we think about like all right well yeah we all want to make an extra $10,000 right but how am I going to get there? And you know it can you can feel stuck because you're just like I don't even know where to begin. So just think about one small thing. And the one small thing you can get started with is education, information, free resources, you know, find a free webinar find a free course you could take uh or or something that's you know paid and affordable um but just start somewhere with that education and that's your first step. And as soon as you have a little bit of momentum you're gonna climb that ladder real fast.

SPEAKER_01 43:47

Okay. Thank you so much thank you for giving us that clear practical step. I'm gonna put it in practice out of so many things that I've gleaned um today. So I'm very grateful for that. Where can our listeners um connect with you and learn more about your work or work with you please give us that information I'd also like to have it so that I can then share in our caption.

SPEAKER_03 44:12

Of course absolutely I'm it's so important for me to connect with people and I love my networks and so please reach out let me know what you do let me know if you have a question. I love hearing from anyone and everyone about this work. So you can connect with me through my website transition2wellness.com.

SPEAKER_01 44:37

I'm also on uh Instagram at transition dot wellness as well as TikTok um I'm on Facebook for under Sonia Rodriguez LPC so you can certainly connect with me on all of those channels I'm also on LinkedIn uh listed as Sonia Rodriguez so happy to be here thank you so much for this opportunity and I hope you all go away with the latter approach as well as um you know possibly listening to or reading the book attached absolutely absolutely I'm gonna I'm gonna is it on audible it's on audible yes yeah I love a good audiobook um I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna check it out myself thank you so much again for your time today um on this Saturday um I look forward to how this will help everybody who listens um and and I wish you all the best keep being amazing um we need your voice and um I appreciate you taking the time with us today for those who listen uh please take those practical steps that she did listen to what she said about the different types of attachment read the book find out more about your attachment um let's continue to build healthy relationships with ourselves and those around us uh remember you are worthy you're deserving you got this and healing is a journey not a destination until next time we break breaking those curses with excellence thank you so much