Praxis
The podcast where practice makes purpose…
Praxis
Pillars of Practice: Discipline Meets Compassion (mini episode)
In this episode I explore the tension between discipline and compassion in practices that create meaning and purpose in our lives. Finding balance between these seemingly opposing forces creates the conditions for sustainable growth while maintaining self-kindness.
• Discipline isn't about rigidity but rather making a decision and sticking to it—like a disciple following a teaching with devotion
• True discipline includes intentional rest as part of the practice
• Compassion isn't laziness or an excuse to quit when things get uncomfortable
• The middle way in Buddhism offers a framework for balance—like a perfectly tuned instrument string
• Growth happens in the nuanced space between pushing forward and knowing when to pause
Welcome to Praxis, the podcast where practice makes purpose. I'm Mikey and I'll be interviewing people about the practices that reveal and create purpose in their lives. Today's a mini episode, and I want to talk about something that comes up in almost every area of intentional practice, whether you're training for a particular sport, creating art, meditating, working towards sobriety, building a business or showing up for your relationships, and it's the tension between compassion and discipline. These are two of the pillars of practice I've talked about previously, and I want to talk about both of them in one episode today, because I think they complement and reinforce each other. How do we stay consistent and committed to growth without turning into our own sort of inner drill sergeant? And, on the flip side, how do we give ourselves grace without slipping into avoidance or stagnation? And in this episode, I'll be exploring these topics. So let's start with a foundational element of any meaningful practice, which is discipline. So what is discipline really? For me, it's the quiet force that gets you out the door on cold mornings. It's what helps you show up when motivation is nowhere to be found. It's what helps you show up when motivation is nowhere to be found, because motivation is actually unreliable it comes and goes, but discipline is steady and it's the spine of any lasting practice.
Speaker 1:I think we often think of discipline as something rigid or restrictive and something quite harsh, but I see it differently. I see discipline as making a decision and sticking to it, having some form of commitment At its root. The word discipline shares an origin with disciple. One who follows a teaching shares an origin with disciple one who follows a teaching and there's almost like an element of devotion to that, devotion to the path. There is structure, there's commitment. It's not about punishment or shame and a disciple follows, not because they always feel like it necessarily, but because they've chosen a path. You know, in romantic relationships, for example, you might not always have 100% of the time a 10 out of 10 relationship where you are madly in love with the person. You know they have peaks and troughs, but you commit to that path with the other person and in terms of, I've seen this play out in my own life in many ways, whether that's marathon training, going sober which I did last year or no, the year before now, actually about 15, 16 months ago or developing a daily meditation habit.
Speaker 1:If I only practiced when I felt like it, I wouldn't really get very far and that's why I advocate for a daily practice wherever possible, with the caveat that, you know, it's not always possible for all people, especially for people with neurodivergence, which I learned about last episode. And you know don't get me wrong there are days when I absolutely don't want to run, when I'm sat on the couch in my running gear for an hour just scrolling through Instagram. But in the end I do dig deep and return to the discipline because you know that's what I've chosen to do. But I want to be clear that discipline doesn't mean pushing yourself relentlessly. I think that intentional rest is part of the practice. You know, it's not a loophole, it's essential.
Speaker 1:I think One of the main takeaways from my conversation with Daniela in the last episode was the idea of rest being a revolutionary act, the idea of rest being a revolutionary act, and that really stuck with me, because sometimes the most disciplined thing you can do is rest, and I don't really follow this advice very often. I tend to push myself more often than not, you know. Take meditation, for example. If I only sat when it felt peaceful, when I was in the mood, I wouldn't sit for most days, because the first five minutes are usually the most uncomfortable. I can get quite fidgety, I can get a bit bored, but I've learned that if I just sit through that, if I can breathe through that early resistance, I tend to get to something more comfortable, deep, more authentic, I suppose, and that only comes from the discipline of showing up even when it's hard. But I think the nuance that often gets lost is that discipline without compassion can turn sour, almost. It becomes rigid or self-punishing and it can fuel the voice in your head that says you know you're not doing enough, you're falling behind, everyone's getting ahead of you, what's wrong with you? And that voice doesn't help us to grow, it doesn't make us stronger or help us to progress in any meaningful way. It just keeps us stuck in cycles of shame and burnout, which ultimately defeats the purpose of any meaningful practice.
Speaker 1:So real discipline, the kind that sustains a lifelong practice, is rooted in both commitment to the path to the practice, wherever it happens to be, but also care. It's showing up with consistency and kindness. So this is where self-compassion comes in. Now let's be clear Compassion isn't laziness. I actually don't think laziness exists. I think laziness is just a judgment that we have of people that aren't doing what we think they should be doing, and actually it's more about people's needs not being met.
Speaker 1:Anyway, compassion is not about letting yourself off the hook every time something gets uncomfortable. It's not about just letting yourself throw the towel in whenever you want to, and it's not an excuse to abandon the path because things are uncomfortable. It's about how you relate to yourself when things do get hard. And in any meaningful practice there will be challenging moments. Otherwise you're not growing. So compassion means acknowledging your limits with kindness. It's recognizing that growth isn't linear.
Speaker 1:Some days, showing up at all is the best that you can do. You know, if you are weight training, for example, you're not always going to be consistently stacking up heavier weights or able to increase the reps. Ideally, over time you will, but you're not going to do that every single workout. Sometimes the practice is just getting out of bed, breathing deeply and making space for rest, but but doing it in an intentional way rather than a I can't be bothered. Today I'm just gonna stay in bed, ideally plan the rest because you know you've decided to do it. If that makes.
Speaker 1:In meditation, this shows up all the time. The mind wanders, because that's what the mind is designed to do. The mind will never stop thinking. We are made to think, our brains are designed to think. That's not the goal of meditation, and the practice of meditation is definitely not to scold yourself or tell yourself off for getting distracted. It's to gently return with kindness, with friendliness, with curiosity over and over, and that gentleness is compassion. There's an analogy I use from a Buddhist nun called Pema Chodron, who was an amazing writer. I would really recommend her work and I use this in the weekly meditation group that I lead that you are training the mind like you're training a puppy, with kindness but with firmness. You don't beat the puppy into submission Every time it does something wrong. You don't beat it up for peeing on the carpet. You just gently bring it back to where you want it to be.
Speaker 1:Um, in my, in my life, I've had times where I was so focused on pushing forward, on growing, improving, that I didn't really listen to what my body was telling me to do. Um, and it always catches up with you. So, for example, last weekend I was at rugby practice with my rugby team and I felt my calves were quite tight, but I ignored thinking you know, I'm just going to run it off, it'll be fine once I've warmed up a little bit and we were doing a defense drill, which involves running backwards, and I planted my foot in a slightly awkward way and I had a snap and all Saturday I basically couldn't walk and it was honestly one of the most beautiful days of the year and all my friends were in a beer garden and I was lying on the couch with my leg elevated and I've had about five days of moderate pain since then and I've had to actually cancel the marathon I've been training for over the past four months but weirdly, I feel strangely zen about it. I thought I would be gutted that I couldn't run the marathon, but I'm actually okay with it. In a strange sort of way I feel very peaceful about that decision because the marathon was never really the point. It's a marker, it's something to train for, it's a progress check, almost. It's also a way for me to connect with my running friends. You know we do weekends away and we have a social time running the marathon, but the deeper goal has always been about running for the sake of running and the enjoyment of it, for improving over time and the actual joy of moving my body. And in a strange way this injury has reminded me of why I began running in the first place and I did really miss my my Sunday morning long run.
Speaker 1:So anyway, back to self-compassion. It lets you pause, it lets you reset and it creates space to come back, not just physically but with intention and integrity. And, paradoxically, it actually supports discipline and it allows us to stay on the path long term without bending out or beating ourselves up, without losing the reasons why we do what we do. So how do we hold these two things, discipline and compassion, at the same time at the same time? For me, it's become a bit of an inner calibration and a practice of checking in with myself and asking myself honestly do I need to push myself now or do I need to pause? And if there's any resistance, is it fear, is it avoidance or is it a signal that I need to slow down and give myself a bit of TLC, that I need some softness or stillness? And this question, this kind of tension between push and pause, reminds me of the middle way in Buddhism.
Speaker 1:So the Buddha spoke of his own path to awakening and how it began, by leaving behind two extremes. One was indulgence and pleasure seeking and the other was self-denial and really harsh asceticism, and he realized that neither extreme led to freedom. Instead, he discovered what he called the middle way, a path of moderation, presence and balance. Middle way, a path of moderation, presence and balance. And there's a well-known story from from his life. Before his awakening he had a musician tuning a stringed instrument, because he was in India. I assume it was a sitar or some type of guitar type instrument. But he realized that if the string is too tight it snaps, much like my leg, and if it's too loose it won't play. But when it's tuned just right, that's when it makes music and that's the heart of it. Discipline without compassion is too tight and it can lead to tension, burnout or even harm. But compassion without discipline can be too loose. It can drift into stagnation, avoidance or a lack of structure, and I think we need both.
Speaker 1:This idea shows up elsewhere too. I'm really interested in Jewish mysticism, in the Kabbalah and on the, the Kabbalistic tree of life. You have two spheres. There's Chesed, which is the sphere of mercy, love and expansion, but opposite that is Gebera, which is the sphere of discipline, strength, boundaries and constriction. Chesed is like compassion, it's generosity, softness and grace, and Geburah is kind of the energy of saying no, of forging ahead when things are hard, and energy passion. But the key thing is that neither are complete on their own. Too much of mercy becomes overindulgence with no form or container, and too much gebera becomes cruelty or harshness. It can be rigid or even violent, I suppose, and on the tree of life they sit across from each other because they need each other. They create balance together, and I think that is the real practice learning how to tune the strings in just the right way not too tight, not too loose, knowing when to rest and knowing when to forge ahead. And I think that is the heart of it. That's where growth happens, not in the extremes, but in the nuanced, probably ever-shifting place between them. So that's it. That's the episode.
Speaker 1:I'd like you to think of one thing that you're committed to. It could be a sport, it could be a spiritual practice, it could be a creative pursuit, it could be, uh, showing up with presence in your relationships and maybe ask yourself do I need more push or do I need more pause? Do I need more rest or do I need to forge ahead even when I'm tired or don't really want to? And I think that's a question that I will continually ask myself as I practice my various pursuits. I would love to hear how this shows up for you. You can find me at praxis underscore podcast on Instagram. Feel free to DM me and I will see you next time.