Keep Moving Forward: You Can't Pour From An Empty Cup

This week's episode discusses how feeling guilty can sabotage weight loss efforts.  I also discuss why it took me so long to share my journey with others.

Transcript

 Welcome back to the Keep Moving Forward podcast, where we talk about weight loss, personal transformation, and accountability. I'm your host Eric, AKA, the used to guy, and today we're going to explore two powerful topics that I think will resonate. First, what do you do if you're feeling selfish for putting your health and wellbeing first?

Second, we're gonna cover why did it take me so long to start sharing my weight loss journey in the first place?  For most anyone listening to this who's trying to lose weight or has lost a large amount of weight, I'm sure having a detailed discussion about your weight struggles and all that comes with it is probably one of the last things you want to do,  and I'm no different.

Let's get into it.  As I've progressed on my journey, I've had this more than occasional feeling  that maybe all of this food tracking and working out is just selfish.  Especially after my weight loss slowed down. As the pounds come off, people see your progress and they cheer you on.  But once that visual change slows down, people tend to forget that you're not just like this. 

They assume you can either go back to how you were eating, whatever, skipping workouts,  basically easing up on what has worked for you.  I think this is one of the hardest parts of maintaining my weight loss. When people around you start to see you differently or forget how you were in the first place, it becomes easier and easier to convince yourself that it must be true. 

That's when you open the door to the dreaded, I got this syndrome,  and before you know it, you're sliding back down the hill.  When you start prioritizing your own needs, some people might even push back and you might start to feel guilty, like your change in behavior is somehow punishing those around you. 

Today we're gonna talk a little bit about how to handle those feelings and how to take some simple steps to make your plan more resilient to those external pressures.  One of my biggest struggles and one of the biggest struggles I see people having when they try to lose weight or make any sort of personal change, is that guilt for putting themselves first.

Maybe you've heard things like you're spending a lot of time at the gym. Why are you being so strict about what you eat?  Don't you think you're taking this all a little too seriously  and it's fair to ask yourself at that point, am I being selfish?  Should I just relax a bit more for the sake of others? 

Here's the truth.  Taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It's actually selfless and necessary.  As the saying goes,  you can't pour from an empty cup.  You're better for your family, your friends, and your job when you're healthy, both physically and mentally.  I remind myself and others that living the way I was actually selfish.

I was hurting my health and living my ability to really be present in my life.  The idea that I was taking years off that I'd be missing weddings, grandchildren, and who knows what else. That was really selfish. I.  When that guilty feeling starts to creep in, I remind myself that the trade-offs I make every day have led to a better life.

Right now I've also given myself a chance to be there and to be good for the long haul, and that's not selfish. I.  Let's talk for a minute about something tactical you can do right now to help make your plan more resilient to these kinds of guilty feelings.  One key thing I've done along the way is to establish ground rules and keep myself accountable. 

And I've done this by setting what I call non-negotiables. It's really been a game changer for me. These are things that are part of my routine no matter what,  and my non-negotiables are pretty simple. There are really just two of them.  One, I track what I eat every day and I try to stay under or at my daily Weight Watchers points.

I do this every day no matter what.  Two, I never miss exercising for more than two days in a row. If I'm really sick, I might give myself a break, but if I'm not really down and out, I work my plan no matter what.  And that's it.  These non-negotiables make sure I stay focused without a lot of overhead.  They ensure that both my eating and my exercise plans keep consistency as their focus.

Sure, some days I work out more than others or do different activities depending on how much time I have, and if there's some event I'm trying to get in shape for at 53 years old, there's no way to fake your way through any sort of endurance event.  So as you establish your plan, I encourage you to think about your non-negotiables. 

Make sure they're simple and sustainable. Some examples might be  meal prep every Sunday, no excuses. Run or workout a set number of times per week.  Track what you eat, no matter what tool you use, and especially track it when you're not perfect. That's the most important time to lean into your plan.  You might wanna track drinking water to keep consistent throughout the day, or even prioritize the number of hours of quality sleep you get each night. 

Setting these types of rules end the mental debate. You stop asking yourself, should I go for a run today?  It's not a question, it just becomes, I'm going for a run today.  And honestly, over time, people around you to begin to understand that it's just you. These are the things you just do.  Another important thing to consider is how people react to your efforts.

It is horrible to say, but not everyone will understand your journey, and that's okay.  If someone questions your choices, it often says more about them than it does you. Maybe they're struggling with their own health. Maybe they feel guilty about their habits. Maybe they just don't like change whatever's causing their reaction.

Please remember, that's not your problem. You don't need anyone's permission to take care of yourself.  Let's switch gears just a little bit.  I also wanna share why it took me so long to start sharing my journey and really engaging with a community of people who are walking a similar path to me.  I started my weight loss journey on September 25th, 2018.

I can clearly recall that moment and the commitment I made. I was all in, focused, motivated.  The pounds started coming off, and I lost over a hundred pounds in that first year.  Eventually. I hit 125 pounds, gone, and I've maintained that for the last five years.  Along the way, I've rediscovered passions. I had let go of like running, biking, and pushing myself physically and mentally in ways that I'd never done before.

My son and I have completed two 50 K trail races, and now I'm planning some big mileage bike rides for this summer.  But for years  I barely talked about any of those things publicly.  My close family knew all that I'd done.  And they were certainly aware that I was working each day to stay on my diet, track all my foods, and there was no hiding my training efforts for a 50 K when I'd be heading out the door each Sunday for a four hour run. 

My kids and wife had even suggested that I should start talking about what I was doing, but I just wasn't ready. Why?  Because most of my life I avoided talking about my weight. I was never the guy who made self-deprecating jokes. I may have been a bit of a funny guy and I was always social, but all of that was really masking how I felt inside.

I wanted to disappear, to fly under the radar and to not be noticed from my weight. So I'd mask it with whatever I had.  I did all the usual things too. Avoided photos, stood in the back of possible, wore, layered clothes that I thought hid my weight. I knew all the little tricks to avoid having to point out that some places in the world were not meant for someone my size. 

A great example is I got to the point where the seatbelt on most airplanes simply would not fit without an extender.  I remember seeing people boarding the plane and trying to covertly ask the flight attendant for a seat extender. The flight attendant would be sympathetic and she'd have a little judgmental face and she'd go to the little cabinet, the front of the plane and grab an extender.

Or worse, they'd hand the one they used after safety check to someone in front of the whole plane.  After I'd done a few trips and gone through that whole process, I decided I wasn't gonna do that anymore. So what did I do? Start losing weight and realize I needed to take control of my eating. Nope, I stole one of those seatbelt extenders and carried it around in my travel pack.

Problem solved.  Think about that for a second.  I was so self-conscious that I had a whole process I went through to avoid a few seconds of awkwardness and shame.  I was that terrified of being judged.  Listen, we all fear facing judgment and criticism. And as for as long as I can remember, I felt absolutely judged for my size, whether I was being judged or not.

And I'm sure some of the judging was me judging myself,  but I had enough external validation that my weight was something that could be used against me.  I had heard the high school name calling. I've had family members make comments that stung and I've, they've stayed with me to this day. I've heard the remarks from strangers, coworkers, friends, sometimes.

In fact, most of the times they were meant to be harmless or even helpful.  But even if I pretended like it didn't bother me, or I laughed it off, it certainly hurt and made me feel a little bit more ashamed.  None of it was easy to hear, and it taught me to bury those feelings deep.  It probably contribute a lot to my overeating  and the weight I was getting to in the first place. 

But where I ended up was that the less I said, the better, even after losing weight and I thought I might be able to help other people on their journey. I worried. What if people won't take me seriously? What if they think I'm just a guy who's done this for a little while and I'll just gain it all back?  And honestly, that would've been my story many other times.  I surely suffer with a lack of self-confidence. Who am I to tell anyone what to do? I'm no expert.

I'm still a work in progress. People who talk about this stuff seem to have it all nailed down. And last but not least,  the world's full of trolls. They're just looking for an opportunity to tear someone down.  When all was said and done, my first steps towards sharing like almost everything else along the way for me was sudden and unceremonious. 

It was a snowy Saturday. I was sitting around with little to do,  I wanted to play with WordPress just to test it out a little bit for work. I had totally forgotten about my old abandoned used two guide blog. But when I went to create a WordPress account, it told me my email was already being used. I went through the steps to get my password, and once I logged in there, it was just sitting there like I had left it in 2017. 

It was one of those moments that I had a decision to make. Part of me was just gonna delete it and start something new. Another part of me was going to overhaul it first, and then I'd be ready to say something. The last part of me, the part that's led me this whole way, told me to just write a post. 

The site was good enough for now. Just jump in.  In that moment, I started writing, and when I was done, I hit publish. I just jumped all the way in. I didn't think about it. I just did it,  and it was really the only way I could.  The key then became to keep doing it like weight loss. Good enough is good enough.

Simplicity and consistency means so much more than perfection on occasion.  There were some other key learnings along the way that I think are important for anyone taking on a weight loss journey.  I had to make peace with my past self before I could share. I had to stop presenting the guy I was then, because here's the truth, that version of me wasn't weak.

That version of me wasn't lazy. That version of me wasn't a failure, and you weren't either. But until I could accept all versions of me, I really couldn't help anyone else.  We all get to a state of readiness at different times and in different ways, and that's okay. Even if you failed time after time.

It's important to remember that the next time might be the time it sticks. Now, I keep my Weight Watchers' charms on my desk every day, not because I need a reminder that I lost weight, but because I need a reminder that the journey's ongoing.

 And now I'm trying to make it about something bigger than me.  If my story can help even one person take that step, it's worth sharing  some closing thoughts. It took me a long time to share my journey,  but now I can see that vulnerability is part of that process. If  you're holding back, ask yourself and examine where those feelings are coming from.

Even if you don't openly share your journal on the internet, you'll still unpack a lot of baggage you're carrying around every day.  Prioritizing your health is not selfish. It's necessary.  You're allowed to put yourself first. Set non-negotiables, stick to them, and don't let other people's opinions throw you off course. 

 📍 A final thought today,  success is not about being perfect. It's about being consistent. Keep showing up for yourself. You've got this.  Thanks for tuning in to the Keep Moving Forward podcast. If this episode resonated with you, share it, subscribe and check out. Use two guy.com for more insights. Until next time, keep moving forward.