Deep Heartfelt Success
Imagine stepping into a next level of success: Deep Heartfelt Success - success that is felt, lived and trusted, not just achieved; success that feels even better on the inside than it looks on the outside. Where you get to feel more of the joy, satisfaction, contentment, peace of mind…all the good stuff you’ve worked so hard for - not just on special occasions when you’ve just achieved something or a problem goes away, but daily.
Welcome! I’m Heidi Marke, The Gentle Rebel Coach, teacher, author and podcaster. I help successful people feel more joy. So if you're a thoughtful, big-hearted, driven professional who has built a life that looks successful on the outside, and now want to fully feel your success and expand into more - more joy, more ease, more success that feels even better on the inside than it looks on the outside - you’re in the right place.
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Deep Heartfelt Success
Finding Peace in Unfinished Projects: How Neutral Noticing Creates Ease
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Listen to my old podcast: Overwhelm is Optional
Hello, welcome to the Deep Heartfelt Success podcast, success that feels even better on the inside than it looks on the outside. Hello, I'm Heidi, heidi Mark, transformational Coach for big-hearted, driven professionals who want more, more ease, more joy, more capacity to fully experience and enjoy the success you've worked so hard for. Because real success isn't just about achieving more Although I'm sure you want more. It's about expanding our capacity to feel confident in it, to really enjoy it. It's time to start feeling the fulfillment, the freedom and the ease you've worked so hard for. This is where traditional success ends and deep, heartfelt success begins. Welcome to the adventure.
Speaker 1:I've been thinking a lot about ease, so much so that I very suddenly decided to offer a live course called Easeful August, where we're going really deep into this subject, and it's really made me think even more deeply about ease, obviously because when you teach, you learn. So it feels to me like August has these conflicting energies. Most people take their summer holiday, and so businesses slow down, parliament closes, schools are closed, but we still want to drive projects and ourselves forward, and yet, if I look at my garden, there's not actually much to do or that I can do at the moment. It's not the best time to be digging huge areas for my next big project. So now I'm writing this, I'm realising that I've had these two huge, exciting projects started in vision and excitement hanging over me, and so that every time I walk past anything connected to them which is pretty much every time I go into the garden my mind is jogged into all the things that need to be done to make the exciting dream a reality, which isn't very easeful. It's really not very much fun. It's like I don't know unfinished stuff, unstarted stuff, stuff hanging around that I need to do something about or with, or it's just not useful, right, it's just hanging there.
Speaker 1:So the first project is I have this new cozy morning sun seating area plan, where there's now, of course, currently half a demolished brick raised beds which had been hastily planted nearly nine years ago with fruit bushes and strawberries when we moved here in the winter of 2016 and I needed somewhere to transplant them from my previous home. So that was supposed to be temporary and actually they were doing really, really well and we had an abundance of organic strawberries, but the slugs were getting them and the dogs could easily eat them, so it was a good idea to move them and Simon had built me new raised beds so I was like, yeah, this will work really really well. And then we had this unexpectedly beautiful spring weather which was really hot, and then half the strawberries died and they haven't really produced very many fruits and there haven't been any slugs anyway. And actually the dogs, of course, because dogs are super clever have worked out a way to still eat the strawberries. I first found Nutmeg up on her hind legs, nibbling very delicately like some sort of Beatrix Potter character at the end of the strawberries. She's now cleared out the raspberries and we actually think she was the gooseberry thief. Honestly, dogs who'd have them. But part of the reason for the project because I make everything so complicated was that the straw bale ongoing project not urgent, just enjoyable for simon and now it has a really impressive roof which makes for great storage and home to Jake's cat Aya whenever she comes to stay, which is really handy, as the youngest dog, ruby, is unfortunately a barking cat chaser Well, a chaser of anything really, except our very old cat Chomsky, who's far too old to be engaged in anything that exciting. So the straw bale unfinished project I have reframed in my head as not an unfinished project, it's an ongoing project and I'm fine with that, because I'm not involved due to the unexpected straw allergy. If you didn't catch that episode, it's on the Overwhelms Optional podcast.
Speaker 1:So anyway, the straw b bell roof which is very impressive, but unfortunately it goes more over the path than I expected was causing some hassles, with people banging their head on it. So I thought, right, if I make the path wider, people won't have to go that way, they can go the other way. And then I started cutting the lilac back, which you can only do at a certain time of year. I was like, oh my goodness, if I cut it this time of year, I'm going to have fewer blooms next year. Maybe I should wait. No, I don't want to wait because I'm excited. I want to do it now. And what if somebody knocks themselves out? Honestly, it's not easy being a hidey. So I started widening the path to make it easier not to bang your head. And one thing led to another and I was cutting the lilac back severely and suddenly I could see what a wonderful area this could be. I imagined morning sun, coffee table and chairs.
Speaker 1:I want little nooks and crannies, and they haven't quite appeared, but I do have several, but it's just. I want more. I know what I want, but there's so much that I want but obviously, like like all those half built houses in Greece, the heat of the early, well late spring, early summer halted progress. So now what I've got is this kind of the area and every time I walk past it which is several times a day because I love going into my garden I've got that feeling of, oh, that needs to be done, and then my mind gets activated into all of the gazillion things that go into making that happen. But the truth is it's not the time of year, it's August. So why can't I just let it go? And the reason I can't let it go is I haven't paid attention. So yeah, I say this as somebody who practices and teaches neutral, noticing. I haven't noticed it neutrally.
Speaker 1:It's only as I'm delving more deeply into this idea of having a more easeful August, just because well, partly because I do think there's a rhythm to the year, I do think there's room for more ease in August, the letting go of things just because it's messy, because people have holidays, and that messes with the rhythm of business and school and life, which is great, because we need to really mess with that rhythm, sometimes right and well. Ease illustrates with August and I do like a bit of an alliteration, anyway. So it's only because I decided to focus on ease in August, which is actually brilliant, because what I found it's done is constrained my thinking and usually I don't like. I'm big on freedom. However, having a structure can create more freedom and I found this is what it's done, because I'm not thinking about overwhelmed to joy or overwhelmed to confidence or imposter syndrome or all of the other elements that the deep heartfelt success pathway seems to be raising for me, because overwhelm is optional, was the beginning of the pathway and that was really looking for ease.
Speaker 1:I just don't want to be so damn overwhelmed, I want to be able to think clearly, whereas the deep heartfelt success pathway is an extension of that and things keep popping up at me and it's a lot joy, ease, confidence, obviously the feeling of deep heartfelt success, feeling successful regardless, because if you're a driven, highly conscientious person, you're going to have times when you're very successful and less successful, because you're always going to be wanting more and stuff happens anyway, right. Because I'm diving, taking the time to dive into this concept of ease really deeply and because I was writing this and thinking about this deeply this morning, it suddenly occurred to me that my mind is is carrying I it almost feels physical, like I'm physically carrying these unfinished projects, and that the activation of that heaviness happens several times a day without me really noticing, really paying attention. And that's because I can't pay attention to everything. However, I can more purposely attend to things that are helpful, and that's what having the structure of just focusing on ease for a whole month is giving me woohoo hope that makes sense. So now what I can do is neutrally notice. Oh, I'm activating all of this heaviness and all of these things that need to be done, rather than just enjoying the fact that it's really sunny because I could get cross in fact, I think I'm pretty sure I did get cross at some point, which is outrageous for an english person cross with the sunshine, partly because my plants really need some rain and also because sometimes you just want to get on with stuff.
Speaker 1:It's been beautifully hot and usually you'd have to go to the Mediterranean for this kind of heat, so it's brilliant that the heat has come to me. I'm really grateful for that because I've already been to Italy this year, slightly disastrously, as you know from previous episodes, and we're off to Boston in the fall. So come on, don't want to be flying anywhere, I want to be at home. So it's kind of weird. It's like this enforced Mediterranean holiday in my garden and then I'm looking at all these things I want to do and I can't do them because it's too hot Outrageous, heidi. It's too hot, so let it go Like the holiday came to you. Yeah, it's still stuff I need to do, but it's perfectly okay. Inside it's all the work and inside projects I want to do. It's cool, it's nice, it's not that hot now. So what I can do now is, having noticed that I'm carrying all this and letting this it's, it's on a loop. So it's this not silent, obviously this, but slightly below my conscious awareness constant activation of this thought loop, of this needs to be done. This needs to be done, which adds a million things to my to-do list, which is just no fun right for a project that I can't do at the moment. So it's just like rubbish, waste of time and energy and it's not very easeful. So how can I make it more easeful? Well, I could just part the project. It's an autumn project.
Speaker 1:I know that I've been gardening for most of my life, and I literally mean most of my life. I was outside in the dark growing carrots. Well, I don't know why, the picture in my head is of me, really quite young, growing carrots in the dark, and that doesn't make any sense. Why would I be planting seeds in the dark? Because it can't be dark. That might have been another memory mixed up there about a guinea pig that died. I used to breed guinea pigs and my parents buried the guinea pig and I was really upset because they didn't put it in the guinea pig graveyard, because they didn't know there was a guinea pig graveyard, because we had a very big garden. It was a big mess and that was my area that I'd commandeered for sacred guinea pig land and they hadn't put the guinea pig in the right place. So then I'm outside trying to dig up the guinea pig and move the guinea pig to the correct location. That's why I think I've got that weird memory of carrots and darkness.
Speaker 1:Anyway, a bit of a sidebar there. So where was I Right? So now what I can do is I can deliberately park that, because I know that autumn is the beginning of the gardening year and that all big projects like planting and digging and moving stuff all begins in probably October, depending on the weather. So that's what I'm doing, I'm going to let it go. I'm going to look at it and think, oh, that's going to be really fun to do in October. I can look at that now and just think, yes, that's something to look forward to.
Speaker 1:And the other project that's bothering me started because on my birthday, which is in late spring, we went to a garden centre one of my happy places and I bought. I managed to get two magnolia trees in the gone off sections. Nothing wrong with them, just and I love them. I love magnolias. But if you buy trees this big, they're super expensive and I don't like to spend that much on plants just because plants can die and it's just. It doesn't feel right to buy giant things, especially at that time of year. Right because you've got to keep them alive until you can actually plant them in the autumn. So they're currently hiding under the fig tree which is looking after them, giving them a bit of shade lots of shade, actually, because it's outrageously out of control, our fig tree. We get so many figs every year and we don't like figs, so then I spend a lot of time meeting people or making friends with people who might like figs, which is fun because they would. Everybody appreciates the fresh fig, apart from us and our neighbor next door, but he died, so now we're stuck with all these figs anyway.
Speaker 1:Batch the magnolia trees. So I'm in a garden center. I find these magnolia trees. I love magnolia trees. I'm super excited. Bring them home, find somewhere to they can hide out for the summer.
Speaker 1:I don't actually do it that calmly. What I really do is think, oh, I wonder if I can plant them now, wonder if I can plant them now. So glad I didn't, because it was like the last week when you possibly could have done it, but it was really warm. Oh, my goodness, if I planted them they definitely would have died. They're breeding too much for them. They would have had to have a parasol or something put over them. I don't know. Anyway, what happened then is when the weather went slightly autumnal I can't remember it was like three weeks ago the weather changed. I decided I'm going to see what it's like to dig there. Let's see how bad it is.
Speaker 1:Because here's the thing about my garden we bought this house because of the garden. Yes, we wanted a cottage to renovate but we have the most incredible garden and we are in the most incredible village in the most incredible location. For lots of reasons silence, convenience, but feeling like you're hidden in the middle of nowhere all sorts of things it is amazing. Anybody who comes to our house sees the garden, is blown away by our garden. I absolutely love my garden, but the people who had it before us, who were there for years and years and years over generations, buried a lot of stuff in the garden. Now my grandmother used to. They used to bury stuff in the garden. Before there was rubbish collection, they used to bury stuff in the garden. That's okay. That's why you find bits of china, tiny bits of china, because it would get buried in the garden. Don't have a problem with that.
Speaker 1:What I have a problem with it with is digging only to find carpet underneath. In the 70s, when it was all hippie good life here, you know that program, the Good Life. So my parents kind of did that for a bit and then I left home. They moved to the town, which is far more convenient. Anyway, I've obviously inherited some of that in some ways, although I'm trying to give up the self-sufficiency because, man, why, like, just chill out, go and buy food from supermarkets. Honestly, you don't have to grow everything Scarcity mindset or what. Anyway, back to the carpet. So I'm digging and there's carpet which is very different than burying rubbish.
Speaker 1:What they actually did is they had what do you call those things? Nissan huts did. Is they had, um, what do you call those things? Nissan huts? So in the wall there was a nissan hut which I think was for airway shelter, I don't exactly know. Anyway, it was pretty big and in the end the like older generation, the couple, lived in our cottage and then halfway down the garden because it's a very big garden there's this nissan hut and her daughter and husband and children lived there until, I think they swapped at some point. And then, at some point about I don't know, 20 years ago, maybe 15 years ago, they decided to take down this old nissan hut and they pretty much buried the entire thing in the garden. We didn't know this when we bought the house, and what they did is they smashed things up like glass windows, bricks, all of it, right, buried in the garden. Well, they didn't bury it then. I think they kind of raised the level of the garden.
Speaker 1:It's really unclear and I don't want to even think about it. I don't want to map it out. You know, there's that new technology, I think it's called lidar. I was watching ancient apocalypse on netflix and, um, they put this machine drone thing, lidar, over the rainforest and there's all these like hidden settlements super exciting. I would not want to do that with my garden. I don't want to know.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I've gone to dig and then I've found some carpet and I've gone to to pull it up so I can plant things underneath. Oh, my goodness, you don't want to do that unless you have to. It's just not worth it. You're talking about miles of carpet and and the whole house buried underneath. So I'm kind of working around where they buried this house and it's not like a whole house, although actually and this and her and our cottage, the reasonable size of it probably pretty similar. So this means that if I want to do a new planting area, I really have to think carefully about where it's going to go. I mean, you have to think carefully anyway, don't you? Because you, you know wind, um, light, the view, all sorts of stuff. Anyway, I've got an area I want to put it, which is actually where my zero gravity chair is, next to there in my head. It would make a beautiful wind break and I've got all of these ideas and I'm gathering these plants up.
Speaker 1:But it's quite a lot of digging. So I thought I'll just test. I'll just, you know, check. There's not, like I don't know, a fireplace under this section of the garden Always worth checking right. You never know what you're going to find.
Speaker 1:So I start digging and the ground's really hard, because even though we had rain for a few days, the ground was still really hard. So that wasn't much fun. And then I got busy doing other things and then I was working, blah, blah, blah, and then it got hot again. So now I also have another abandoned project which I'm walking past many times a day. In fact it's worse in many ways because it's next to my zero gravity chair, which is where I like to retreat to and snooze or write or think or imagine in my future, whatever I'm up to. And there's this messy bit which I've created at the wrong time of year. I can part that project now as well. That's definitely an autumn project.
Speaker 1:But part of the problem with that project is for my birthday I also received from my youngest son some I can't say this properly. I call them Y-legers. It's not what they're called. They're called something else, but anyway, I say it wrong. But if you're a gardener you probably know what I'm making up, because I discovered it's not just me. Nobody knows how to say this plant.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I have two in my garden at the moment and they're really worth having because they're tough. This is how I like my plants to be. They're tough, they're self-sufficient, they don't make a big fuss. You can cut them back really hard and they like it, so it's easy to get into the shape you want. Um, they flower for ages. The bees love them. Oh, my goodness, I I really like these plants and it turns out they come in lots of different flavours.
Speaker 1:So I wanted some more. So I asked for them for my birthday and I have three more and they're quite unusual ones. I'm really excited. But obviously they came as tiny ones, so I had to pop them up into bigger and now they're looking really big. And now I'm wandering past them going, oh, they really need planted. Oh, are they getting too big?
Speaker 1:So that's activating my mind into a to-do list and a concern for these plants as well, particularly as they're in pots and we're not having as much rain as we normally have in an English summer. So can you see what's happening here? It's not easeful, but if I focus on allowing more ease, on creating more ease, I can mutually notice what's causing me unease. And these two unfinished projects in fact they're not even really started these two dreamlike, possible, wonderful projects which I should be excited about, have become heavy things to get done, which is ridiculous, because I can't even start them until October. And then I'm going on holiday, so I probably won't start them until the end of October.
Speaker 1:And now you see my mind's going to oh, and then it gets really dark. Da, da, da, da da, and the clocks change and then you have less daylight. I don't care, I don't care If I want to be outside in daylight and inside writing in the dark. That's going to work for me. I will make it work. I get to decide. Anyway, there you go. That's two of the things creating unease which I can now park until October and relieve that constant hijacking of my attention when I should just be walking down the garden absolutely relishing the beautiful, beautiful sunshine. Because if there's one thing I know for sure I need a certain amount of vitamin D and literal sunshine and warming my bones every year in order to feel most like me. It sets me up for the winter. If I don't get that, I'm really struggling in the winter. I'm no fun anyway.
Speaker 1:That's just the garden projects on top of that, obviously, being highly driven, I've decided that I am done with living in a home that is being renovated in inverted commas and instead it's just done. So that's what we're doing, because it turns out it's not that bad. There's two rooms. There's the sitting room, which needs lime plastering, and then there's the bathroom, which needs completely redoing. So I asked my partner do you want the bathroom done or do you want to do the bathroom? Because it's very, very different, isn't it? Are you looking at the outcome? Do you just want it done or will you enjoy the doing of it? And that matters, because if it's something that's going to give you joy in the doing of it, then sitting in that joy and deciding how you're going to do it and planning the doing of it is very different and worth noticing rather than the yeah, I just want the damn thing done now. To be fair, I've reached a stage where we just want the house done.
Speaker 1:But since I came to that impatient conclusion earlier in the year, loads has got done, loads to the extent where things that needed finishing have been finished. Woo, woohoo. That's always such a nice thing, isn't it, when something's completed and we have arranged for the rest to be done, and that's it Super exciting. But they're all big projects, so they all have lists and they all have timing and they all need managing and they all need, you know, some attention and they all need managing and they all need, you know, some attention. But with those projects I feel they're in my systems and they're under control. They feel very different than the garden projects which were nagging me. These aren't nagging me in the same way and here's why We've talked about it. We've made a plan. You know you can't control it. Anything could happen. You know you can't control it. Anything could happen. But I have got a plumber on standby just in case. And even though there's a two and a half meter cupboard in its packaging from Ikea behind one of the settees in the sitting room, I'm okay with that because I don't believe it's going to be there for the next two years. So that's okay. That's different than not allocating a given time. I know it's going to happen. So when I walk past the boxes of tiles, the taps, the lamps, all of the stuff for the bathroom, when I walk past them in the tiny, tiny lobby in fact this was funny when Ikea delivered our stuff the two guys were so nice, but they walked in and they said, where did I want it? And I took them through to what is called the conservatory.
Speaker 1:Now this conservatory is not like any conservatory you've ever seen. It was a very expensive conservatory because we were given the receipt when we bought the house. But it was bought for the old man who lived here with his wife and he obviously got to a stage where he couldn't go into the garden. He just wanted to sit and see the garden. So they built this tiny and I mean tiny. I don't think you could actually get smaller conservatory. It is minuscule and it's built onto the back of a single what you call it single skin extension on the back of the kitchen. So the single skin extension, which is basically a tiny lobby with a tiny toilet. Obviously it's single skin, which means I don't know how many years it's been there, but it was.
Speaker 1:The plaster was falling off when we moved in. All I've done is scraped the plaster off because one of the long-term projects is to build an extension, which means that comes down, which means I haven't really given it masses of attention other than keeping it relatively clean and plaster lumpy free. But the conservatory is a similar size to that, maybe a little bit bigger. It's really really small. So we don't use it as conservatory obviously, like you. Just, I don't know, get one person in there on a zero gravity chair, maybe, if you're lucky. So that's our laundry boot room storage thing and it works really really well. I've got it really organised, especially as one of my projects was to organise it and I've done that and it feels so good.
Speaker 1:Anyway, when the guys from Ikea came, they said where did you want this? And I said out here, meaning the conservatory. And there's this two and a half meter. That was the biggest, the longest pack to go in there, which basically means if they put it in there, it was really difficult to get out the door. And they said you sure you want it here? And I went yep, and they said are you sure you're not? There's not going to be much room out here. I said there isn't much room in the house, it's a really tiny cottage and they went in and out really politely trying to pile this stuff up in the best way for me, and they kept coming and going. God, it's really small, isn't it? It's really small, so small. It was so funny. Anyway, they were lovely. So that's why one's now behind the settee, because I knew it wasn't going to happen that weekend and I'm okay with it being behind the settee, particularly as the entire sitting room is going to be in chaos soon because the lime plaster is going to come and make a huge mess and lots of noise. So I'm going to run away for that week.
Speaker 1:So the difference between walking past these Ikea parcels and the tiles and the taps is that when I see them, I feel joy, I feel at ease, I'm excited. I trust that it's all just going to get done. But with the garden projects, I had not realised I was feeling unease and heaviness about them because I hadn't allocated some time, I didn't trust it was going to happen, because I hadn't really well, I hadn't had space to think about it. What I could have done was just said, right in October I'll do that. That's it. Nothing else to do Can settle back into this glorious sunny weather and let it go. So that's what I'm doing now.
Speaker 1:Thanks for listening to that, because I found that really helpful. Creating this for you is helping me. I hope it's helping you, and just because I know that you probably have a ton of projects going on as well which are causing you some overwhelm, some unease, I'm going to share some more of my projects, just so you can see it's not just you. So, work-wise, it's insane. Honestly, it's insane. I'm doing this whole weird panicky self-doubt thing over this podcast compared to the last podcast, at the same time trusting it. But I see what happened.
Speaker 1:My partner made a comment about overwhelm is optional being a really easy tagline, isn't it? And I don't know what he said. Like that was obvious. That was successful Almost. I don't think he was trying to challenge me. He just made this comment and later I realised my mind was spinning about oh, my goodness, what have I done? I shouldn't have done that. So then I looked at why did I switch from overwhelm is optional to deep, heartfelt success? Well, for really, really damn good reasons. I tuned in and listened to what my heart was saying. I really listened and I felt really constrained by the tagline overwhelm is optional. But of course this happens. You get excited, you set something up and then the next phase of the project after a bit is what am I doing again? What am I up to? Why did I do this? Is this harder than it needs to be? What have I done? Have I over complicated? Like that's normal Self-doubt, imposter syndrome. That just happens. So here's how I'm thinking about it. Instead, the deep, heartfelt success pathway is an extension of the overwhelm is optional podcast. That doesn't mean we never need to go back to the overwhelm is optional stuff, which I've noticed people are doing. Thank you, thank you for listening to both podcasts brilliant.
Speaker 1:Part of me thinks I should have just continued, but then the other podcast wouldn't be findable. So no, I made the right decision. I'm not going to make myself wrong. I'm going to trust the process. This is what I out. I don't have it all sussed. I'm listening to myself saying that and it is hilarious. Of course I don't have it all sussed.
Speaker 1:What I do know is that I have reached a stage where I'm really, really tired of never quite feeling successful. You know, like it's just glimpses and then I feel really good, and then I go back into, and now I want this. And then there's the self-doubt like I have been experiencing about this podcast. I'm just bored of it. It's not, I'm not upset about it, I'm just literally weary. So, like the self-doubts that I have been feeling, but I'm now noticing and therefore, once noticed, it just becomes pretty easy to neutralise. Oh, there's new word, usage of mutually noticing feels like a Dalek thing. It's not neutralise, is it Exterminate, exterminate, neutralise, neutralise. Anyway, I'm neutralizing my self-doubt by neutralizing it. See what I did there. So that's just normal.
Speaker 1:The cycle of success is like that. The way out of it would be don't want any more success, don't try to achieve anything else, rest on your laurels, go. I've made it, I'm okay, I'm happy, there's nothing wrong with that. I think. Partly in my head, I always assume that at some point I would just reach that point where I would just feel like, yeah, I've done it, I've made it, woohoo, now I can relax, and then I've come to the conclusion that's never gonna happen. It's never gonna happen. I think the old model was study really hard, sacrifice much, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, work really hard, get promoted, get promoted, switch careers, work your way up and then one day retire and you've made it right. And maybe some people felt like that. I don't know, but I was listening to something the other day talking about entrepreneurs who then eventually sold their companies and made lots of money and then they just fall in this hole because they've got nothing. It's the, it's not the reaching the end, it's the pathway right.
Speaker 1:So deep, heartfelt success to me is not a destination, it's a pathway, and it's a pathway for me of self-discovery, of exploring more. So differently, differently. It's more than the. Overwhelm is optional, but that doesn't mean it's not part of it. It's part of it. It's just an extension, and a really important extension, because there's more to life than making overwhelm optional. And if you want that more, you have to make overwhelm optional, which means it's no longer optional. That's what I came to the conclusion of, because when I don't pay attention and I don't practice neutral, noticing, I can easily just overcomplicate everything, get stuck in my head and get back into self-doubt and post-syndrome. It's really boring and I don't want to live like that. I want more.
Speaker 1:So by deliberately focusing on more, on feeling successful, confidence, joy, ease, peace of mind, all the good stuff that I kind of thought would be natural consequences of working hard, which don't seem to be, at least not for me. By actually focusing on it, then I can claim it, increase it, have it, because we get what we focus on. Hence, ease for August. I'm just going to focus. Let's focus on ease for August, why not? I mean, you can do it anytime you want. In fact, you're going to have to do it anytime you want more of it.
Speaker 1:But there seems to be something really nice about just focusing on ease for a bit. Now you could argue well, you were doing that with the overwhelm to ease pathway, yeah, but this is more than that. There's something about this ease that's more than the absence of overwhelm, the absence of struggle. It's a lot more. It's turning out to be a lot more anyway.
Speaker 1:So what I love about teaching easeful August and about focusing with everything I'm writing and recording for a bit, is really, really focused on ease. So I can take any of my stories and then look at them from that point of view. It's a really good structure for me. I'm finding it really helpful because it's making me really think about it really deeply. I'm laughing at that as well, because I'm such a deep thinker anyway, why would I want to think even more deeply? Because this is intentional, this is on purpose, this is saying, yeah, I want this, I see ease as really worth having, like a real strong, grounded sense of hidiness. You know, like I'm okay, I've got this, I like myself, I'm going to look after myself properly, I'm going to be okay.
Speaker 1:So I was thinking about I've got an upcoming event and I realised, either in the middle of the night or someone, I was getting anxious about it, like all these old stories were popping up about, oh, I don't know, just old patterns to do with different people who are going to be there. And it's not that I don't want to go and it's not that I don't like the people, but I noticed all this background chat and stuff coming up to be seen Muck, muck coming up. I didn't really want to be going around circles with that. I didn't really want to be dreading it. That's weird, that's not helpful. That's certainly not useful or joyful. It's going to be a joyful occasion anyway. What I realized is that that's really useful information if I catch it.
Speaker 1:So I I caught myself going into these loops of, I don't know, anger, resentment, upset from past, and there's good reason for these feelings, right so? So, therefore, what is the good reason for these feelings, instead of dismissing them, trying to get rid of them? What? What are they here to tell me? Well, several things. One is to be more careful who I trust and who I'm vulnerable with, to change my expectations of people who can't give me what I expect because they're just not as conscientious, not as I don't know. It sounds really judgmental, doesn't it, to say not as integral, but people are different, right? People have different versions of integrity and everybody's in their own head, everybody's got their own little reality going on. So, just not expecting things, not expecting people to behave in a certain way so that I feel better, is, for me, a big life lesson, huge life lesson, and gives me my own power back.
Speaker 1:So now, where I kind of am with this is who do I want to be for this event? How do I want to show up? And for me, it's really just. I want to be at ease, I want to be comfortable in my own skin, I want to show up, and for me, it's really just. I want to be at ease, I want to be comfortable in my own skin, I want to just be okay, regardless, like it's like nothing affects me. And I don't mean that in a detached, horrible way. I mean that very much in a non-attached way, the Buddhist non-attachment, the Zen non-attachment, where I'm okay. I'm okay regardless like how these people treat me and view me and and regardless of past hurts very painful hurts it's irrelevant because I'm okay and I've forgiven. And if I haven't forgiven, there's more forgiveness to be had and that's good because that's more peace of mind for me. So, yeah, there's something about that ease, that groundedness, that confidence. A lot of it to me is self-trust, knowing I know myself, I'm going to look after myself.
Speaker 1:I've actually been thinking about the word self-discovery as well. I heard it on somebody else's podcast. I was listening to who. Who was it? Oh, joe Hudson, the Art of Accomplishment, which is kind of a similar idea to Deep Heartfelt Success. So that's been quite interesting listening to him Highly recommend, if you like, his energy and he was mentioning self-discovery as a concept which is different, felt different to me than self-development, self-discovery, and actually it's just exactly what I've been talking about for the past few years. So I like this. I like this idea of deep heartfelt success as a pathway of self-discovery in order to, and focusing on why you work so hard, what you're really after.
Speaker 1:So, whatever the end result is you want because there isn't actually an end result it just goes on and on and on, doesn't it? Like you know, when the house is renovated, we'll then want to finish the store. Bail, uh, I'm going to be doing big projects in the garden, obviously. Then we want an extension, like there's always something, because that's why we bought this house and garden was because it had lots of potential to play and create and and there's loads of outbuildings that need replacing and we're allowed to replace and that's fun, right, they're fun projects, but they're not fun projects if they're not done with ease. And that depends on how I view them. Do I want them done or do I want to do them? And if I want to do them, how do I want to do them? And if I want to do them with ease and joy, I'm gonna have to change how I view them. So where were we projects?
Speaker 1:I was showing you all my crazy work projects. So, yeah, there's this whole reframing, my self-doubt, imposter syndrome, anxiety about having started a new podcast and dared to close the other one. Then there's looking at everything I'm doing and trying to simplify, make it much better value, make it much more effective, make it more elegant, make it more finely tuned to the people I serve who are in front of me right now, and that means to me looking at everything I'm doing already. So the two big things, therefore, would be my one-to-one coaching how can I make that even better? And so I've been thinking a lot about, when I work with a coach, what would really serve me and help me. A kind of launch and ending point and a mid point review might be a real way of uplifting even more the results.
Speaker 1:Um, what else did I come up with anyway? I don't know. I can't remember. I'm in the middle of this. You can see it's a project. How can I serve more highly? How can I give more? How can I make transformation easier, deeper and longer lasting? So part of that would be preparing people for the transformation. Hence the new free first steps in deep, heartfelt success course, which you can get by going to my website or looking the show notes.
Speaker 1:Highly recommend that. It's just a. It's a deep dive into neutral, noticing everything. Come back, comes back to neutral, noticing the ability to be the observer in your own life is so damn powerful. Highly recommend it. People are just starting to go through that now. Um, so if you, if you've already done that not that you have to, but if you've already done it it's really helpful because then you've already gotten to know how I roll, if you were already observing so you would show up to coaching more ready to be coached, because you would already have that under your belt.
Speaker 1:And then there's the whole the process of transformation itself, really digging into what that means and noticing that during my last coaching cycle, this thing of what I call discombobulation came up, where I just felt really lost at one point, like really thrown thrown by it all, like it was too much happening too soon, happening too soon. And then I remembered this whole thing about change needs chaos, creativity needs everything, needs chaos, like you can't keep everything stable all the time. And discombobulation during transformation well, that's like a snow globe being shaken up and I see that like if every bit of glitter in a snow globe was a belief. When you shake it up, it's going to feel pretty uncomfortable for a bit. But if you welcome that, if you see it as a sign of transformation, of the necessity. That happens because transformation is even more deep than just learning something new.
Speaker 1:So if you take learning quadratic equations, in order to do that you have to let go teaching anything in maths. You have to let go of your previous held view and to do that, you have to create the teacher needs to create cognitive dissonance where suddenly that that world view no longer holds. It doesn't quite make sense. You're threatening the world view and it is genuinely threatening. This is the thing. This is what I learned in a classroom. This is why I was able to teach really difficult, disaffected kids because I made them feel safe. If you, if you, if you want to really learn, you need to feel safe. You need to get inside your comfort zone so that you can have your worldview. And we're only talking about maths, right, although maths is one of the most emotional subjects to teach because everybody's lost confidence before they get to high school. Even with quadratic equations, you need to create cognitive dissonance. You need to confuse to start with, you need to mess things up, so you need to create safety, so it's easier for that to happen. Otherwise, what happens is people just cling to their old world view of whatever numbers meant before.
Speaker 1:You introduced this crazy. I mean, come on quadratic equations, why do we need them? What are we ever going to do with this, miss? Well, I used to sell it, as I actually used to sell it as I actually used to sell it oh, my goodness can't remember now, it's a long time ago. I used to sell it with a story about how, if you can do this, if you can manipulate this in your mind, you can do anything, which is kind of true, because it's not that easy for a lot, for most cases, it's not that easy because it's so abstract and so bizarre. And, yeah, why? When are they ever going to need it? We're not going to need to be able to solve by hand a quadratic equation, but you are going to need to solve problems, and algebraic thinking is so helpful for that. So I could sell quadratic equations to most unlikely kids by making them feel safe and then allowing them to be vulnerable enough to learn and then convincing them just to practice. It's just a practice, no big deal until they've got confidence. And as soon as they get confidence, then there's momentum.
Speaker 1:Now, if you take that learning maths which is, I would argue, not very important in the grand scheme of things. But the approach to learning maths, the how you do that is a life skill, the ability to say, okay, I want to change my mind, so I'm going to allow myself to feel uncomfortable, it's going to be. It's going to be. You know, hold on to your horses for a bit. It's going to be a bit of a ride.
Speaker 1:So, really thinking about how I coach and allowing for that discombobulation, that's an up level I'm looking for in my work. So that's a whole project. Right, it's a huge project. So that's one of the things I'm holding my head currently. How can I be an even better coach? Oh, that's just like that. Could that could be huge. That pops up a lot thoughts about that, but I'm not. I'm okay with that because I've declared it a project. When insights come, when thoughts come, I'm okay with that, unlike the garden project, because that didn't have a container in my mind for it.
Speaker 1:This is an ongoing thing. I'm always looking at how to improve, but at the moment it is an actual named project on the wall in front of me, that kind of thing. So it has a home which allows it not to be about unease. Now I can go down the unease route with it, I can start beating myself up and saying, well, I should have known this before. I know more now. What does that mean? Have I let down the previous coaching clients? I mean, for goodness sake, so now I could start beating myself up about becoming more skilled? Oh my goodness, I bet you do this in some way too. I bet you do. I'd love to know. Let me know.
Speaker 1:So other work projects I'm holding are the community. So I have a community, a community called the gentle rebel community, but I don't really use the term Gentle Rebel so much these days and also I realised I don't like the term community. So when I started the community, it was because Kajabi had brought out this new product and it seemed to make sense, because I do like having people gathering each month. I think there's something really I know there's something really powerful about that and I'm really happy to teach and coach within that Brilliant. But what I struggle with is the idea that there should be lively communication within the chat, because I don't like doing that and I know that a lot of my clients don't like doing that and I'm okay with that. So I feel quite relaxed about that. However, because it says the term community.
Speaker 1:It was bugging me. I was like what do I do this? What do I do with this? So I've been thinking deeply about this and then remembering I used to have a membership. This is, I mean, these are just semantics in many ways, but it matters, because I want to create something of value and I want to continually not continually as in oh, stressing and straining and making it better and better and better because it's not good enough. No, every now and again I'm going to review what I'm offering and I'm going to make it even better. Of course I am, because it's who I am, it's who you are, no doubt. So if it was a membership, then it would have value, regardless of the community, the community, any chat in the community would be extra. I don't know why they just that just feels lighter, just feels really good. So that's another project of what would that look like? How could I make it even better? So then that, and that's also linked to the journal.
Speaker 1:So the gently rebellious one minute journal I published last December. I know several people are using it or bought it and didn't use it. So now I need to get feedback on that and how I can make it better. I've been using it and I really know it works and that I need to make it better, because there's things about it that really annoy me, which I couldn't have seen when I first made it. So now I know how to make it better. But I also want, by the way, if you're listening to this and you're one of these people, please come and have a chat with me or email me your suggestions. I will create what you want.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I need to know how can we make this better, because the truth is it works, because what the one minute gently, rebellious journal does is it allows you to stay focused on what matters most to you and when you do that, what matters most to you, which is what will bring you most joy, most ease, most peace of mind, etc. That happens because we get what we focus on. So it's a, but it's just in one minute every morning so that I believe could be linked to the, not the new membership. I'm not scrapping anything. If I, how could I combine the two? So I've tried to combine the two to a large extent this year, but then I find that conflicts with wanting to to also have themes like ease and joy. So now I'm looking at how can I bring all this together. And then I can get stuck in my head with oh this is really big, how am I going to do it? Whereas actually it doesn't need to be. It's a project, so anything that comes up is helpful or not. Anyway, I can just ask so that's what I intend to do Ask what would make this better for you?
Speaker 1:What would make this work even better for you? How can we make this better? That's it, no big deal. And then there's the whole YouTube thing. So I've got really excited about YouTube in the past, just before Christmas, and then I go into it and learn loads and then pause and then I do it again.
Speaker 1:This time I've just, I feel very at ease. How cool is that? So I've gone from oh my goodness, look at my hair. Um, all sorts things like am I talking rubbish? Possibly I don't know all the things about being outward, facing vulnerable, that kind of thing. Huge learning curve, but really good for me. And now I've just reached a pace with it. So I'm I'm really comfortable. I actually don't think that it's all that good. As in, I can pull it to pieces and tell you everything I would do better, or I can just like the fact that people are watching and enjoying it, because people keep subscribing and the numbers are going up, and it feels easeful because I'm doing it my way.
Speaker 1:I've stopped listening to all the outside advice. I'm just going to do it my way and it seems to be working and there's some ease in that. Now, I didn't get that immediately. I had to go through the oh my goodness, I've no idea what I'm doing. And there's some ease in that. Now, I didn't get that immediately. I had to go through the oh my goodness, I've no idea what I'm doing. And apparently you should do this and you should do that. Like, apparently you should do thumbnails, which are the picture with a hook. I don't like those. I actually find them quite irritating. I actually just read the title and decide whether I want to watch a video and then if I like the person's energy, even if they mess up, I'll hang around, and if I don't like their energy, it doesn't matter how good their thumbnail is. So I've stopped doing a lot of things and that's been really nice. So that's cool. But that's another project. But that feels contained, that feels okay, that feels joyful. What else am I up to.
Speaker 1:I have, once again, several books going on in my head, but what I'm doing instead is just writing. So, instead of writing in order to publish, a bit like I'm doing this now, I have no idea whether I will release this current recording to you. I'm just talking into the microphone with my script in front of me, with what I wrote this morning, in order to see whether I have anything valuable to say. I'm exploring my ideas. If I think it's something valuable, I will schedule and release it. If not, that's okay, or I could just store it and decide later. So what I'm finding helpful about this idea is that, instead of focusing on the outcome, I need to record a podcast episode. I just focus on the process.
Speaker 1:What I actually feel the need to do is share some deep thoughts about ease with you, because as I do that, I learn more and I know from feedback that you like it. You feel some resonance and that's helpful to you, and that's what I want. That's it. That's the purposes of this podcast is to speak my way to clarity by sharing my thoughts and insights in a natural, easeful but professional way, with the intention to serve to be helpful, not just to waffle about myself in order to connect with you, to lift your day, to make you feel seen and heard to any extent I can, and to invite you into my world so that, if this resonates, you might do my free course, end up on my email list. Maybe one day you'll be in one of my courses or in my membership, because that's how, that's how my business works, that's how I business works, that's how I want it to work. I want it to be easeful. I share you resonate. I invite you into my world if you're not already in it. If you are already in it, then you know me and you will find the gifts, the many gifts, in this crazy episode where I'm exploring ease as I go along. Hopefully you will find more ease.
Speaker 1:So back to this idea of ease for August, and why August? It's because I don't think August is the time to stay in driven mode, and I've also noticed this relentless need to be the same all the time, full pelt, all the time, all year, as if there's not a natural season to things, even though nothing works like that in nature and we are nature. I mean it just doesn't make any sense. We are not machines, and I'm pretty sure machines get a lot of care, like proper maintenance, a maintenance schedule. Imagine if you have one of those. So what if, instead, we just think, okay, so there's a season to this and I can only use my seasons here? Apologies to you guys down under because I know this is upside down for you, but I'm sure you can still resonate.
Speaker 1:So at the moment my garden is in full harvest mode. I mean, it's outrageously abundant this year, seriously, there are apples everywhere, all over the lawn, and I've given up trying to pick them up. Every year I'm chucking them into the hedge, putting them in wheelbarrows, messing around. It's out of control. This year the the bramley apple tree is so full that the branches are nearly touching the ground. The plum tree which we've been intending it's self-seeded, we've been intending to take it down for years has suddenly gone full plum. Oh my goodness. I had to get a ladder to go up there and I bought in I don't know 50 plums. I mean, it's out of control.
Speaker 1:So I put some in the freezer. Do I have to do anything with the rest? No, I can let the mice eat them. I can let the. I hope there's no badgers. I hope they haven't broken in. I can let the wasps have them. I wish the dogs would stop eating them, though, because I didn't get very much sleep last night because Nutmeg had to go outside. I think she's been eating too much fruit. She's a stealer of fruit, that one.
Speaker 1:So what if August is just for harvest time? What if we do just get to settle back into this moment and say, hey, I've made it, there's some good stuff? What if we just focus on the stuff that's already here, the stuff that's coming in? What if we start reaping the rewards? What if we really go into holiday mode when we're on holiday, rather than I don't know whatever else you do on holiday? What if we just are? What if August is a lazy, hot, sunny time of yeah, not even bothering to harvest everything? That's another thing.
Speaker 1:I realised that I have this scarcity mentality about vegetables and fruit. Like I must gather it all up. That's got to be a very, very old urge. Right, that's got to be. That can't just be from a 70s parents doing the good life thing, because I don't think they were that into it. I mean my grandparents, I guess those, both those generations did go through rationing, so that will have passed down to me. You know the freezing of everything, making jams, but I think it's older than that, isn't it? This need to gather everything up, but I cannot possibly give up.
Speaker 1:I've tried before giving away. I've put a wheelbarrow of apples at the end of the drive. Nobody takes them. I've got tons of apples, tons of run of beans, tons of courgettes. Potato is not so good this year, so they're having another go. I'm just ignoring them for longer. But yeah, there's a abundance of stuff. Most of it is all over my lawn, one of the many lawns. It sounds like I've got this staley home. It's messy, is my point. There's a lot of messy apples and plums and stuff going on.
Speaker 1:And what if? Before I'd be like, oh, I either need to clear it up because it's messy, or I need to harvest it because we need to gather in the food for the winter. And what if I do neither of those things? What if I just decide to let it be? What if I just take what I need and let the rest be? That feels much more easeful, much more easeful. So I'll do that. Then that's what I'll do from my zero gravity chair, much easier.
Speaker 1:And what if we can just use that as a? So what if we could just use that image or that feeling as easeful, august, the idea that you do get somewhere, that you do reap rewards, you do get to just be that there are and that there's also more than enough, that I think that's really important, isn't it? Because I think a lot of this overworking and trying really hard and perfectionism and imposter syndrome is linked to this sense of lack. If I don't do enough, you know, am I worthy enough to have ease? So I'm just going to practice in my garden, looking at the mess of the apples and saying, yep, there's plenty, there's plenty. For me, there's more than enough. I don't need to worry, everything's okay, I have done enough, I am enough, I am worthy of ease, I can rest, I can just enjoy the harvest time, I can just have the sunbathing, lazy heat time.
Speaker 1:So if I compare this to spring in the spring, it's insane the amount of stuff that needs to be done if I want to have a garden full of flowers and vegetables, although I say that now I expect a lot of it would manage quite well without me. But I enjoy it. I love, love, love spring. And oh, my goodness, there's such a choice and array of things I can choose to grow and plant and enjoy and it's just magnificent. And every year the garden gets better and better and better and I love that and I love the energy of spring. I love that how the energy rises and I get to be outside and that's really cool, right. But it's not spring, it's August, it's summer. It's that hazy, hot, messy, can't do much, eat ice cream, read a novel instead of a serious book.
Speaker 1:This is advice for myself, although I have kind of cracked that one, because I used to eat information for breakfast and then I decided I needed to be better at reading novels because it might switch on a different part of my brain, and so now I've actually got very good at reading novels and most of the time I don't want to read information type books, which is really interesting. Should I switch that back? Don't know, don't care, I'm kind of still rolling on the. I've probably read enough for an entire lifetime. For goodness sake, how much information do I think I need? And let's just start using everything I've already discovered, and if I need more, I can sure as hell find it. I can just Google it, because I've read a lot of books in my life and a lot of research, a lot of serious stuff. So that's been good for me to just learn to read books.
Speaker 1:My favourite books novels, my favourite novels are ones where they have to be really well written, and basically I like stories about people that are really well observed, because I'm just fascinated by people, I love people, and then if it's an intricate enough, plot, that'll do it for me. I'm just fascinated by people, I love people, and then if it's an intricate enough, plot, that will do it for me. I'm in and I get completely absorbed by that, and that's really nice because it definitely is a break from the constant, I guess, analysing, problem solving, gathering of information and the relentless pursuit of being better. It's a break from that, isn't it? Because I don't read a novel to learn anything, although I can just see what I did there. I like novels that are well written and well observed because I do learn. I do learn about people, but I'm not switching that part of my brain off. It's relaxing, is my point. So I'm going with this idea of stopping fighting the season and just being more fully in the flow of things.
Speaker 1:So I'd invite you to do the same. That resonates. I'd love to know your thoughts on that. Thanks for listening. Hey, thanks for being here. Thanks for listening. Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening. Thanks for joining me on my own adventure into what deep, heartfelt success means for me.
Speaker 1:To explore further, make sure you hit the follow button. It really does help, helps other people to find it. And if you're up for it, scroll right to the bottom of Apple, where they've hidden the review section, and leave me an outstandingly wonderful review. It would be just so lovely. It would make my day. And if you're ready to talk about working with me one-to-one, to go deeper and explore what it looks like to create your own version of deep, heartfelt success with a powerful coach walking alongside you, I invite you to book a deep, heartfelt success session. There's a link in the show notes below or you can just go to calendlycom. Forward slash, heidi, mark. Forward slash Heartfelt Success. I can't wait to meet you and see what that looks like for you. So exciting. Here's to the next evolution of your success. See you in the next episode. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm.