God Gives Moses the Clap

In this episode we talk about Moses’ beginning. How God forgot his people for 400 years and tried to fix it by sending a man with a stutter to talk to Pharaoh. But before that, God wanted to give Moses a lil something to remember him by with the burning of  his bush. Take your penicillin and join us in God Gives Moses the Clap.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:42

Welcome to What the Fuck Bible Stories. I'm your host, G Spot. And I'm Jada B. Netti. Thank you for joining us and feel free to be as unhinged as we are. Quick disclaimer.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

We are not here to attack anyone's personal faith. We are just reading the biblical text as is and having fun with it.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

Yes, having fun with it. And Jada, this episode will be our 25th episode. Woo-hoo! Can't believe it. I know it's been it's been a wild journey. And like we have said previously, every time we hit a milestone, we are going to talk about it. And thank you to all the listeners for downloading, sharing it, and just being a part of this craziness and shenanigans that we love to be a part of.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Yes, we hope we are filling your days with laughter and comical unhingedness as you listen to these stories and it gets you through the real realities of life because this stuff right here is quite literally the grandest of fiction for me, anyway.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

Right. We almost, you know, we're we're getting close to have you entertained for a whole week at work. We're getting close. We at least got you for a couple of days. A couple of days in a possible. Last episode, we talked about that goddamn Samson, the Timu Hercules, that neither one of us can stand. Even when I was serving the the sweet baby Jesus, I couldn't stand Samson. So I hope by our covering that story, you have a hatred for him as well.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

I was gonna say that I hope that you have a little less, a little more grace for Delilah and the fact that she was not using no feminine wiles. She just was being paid to do a job, and you can't fault her for that. Like you would have turned down 1100 pieces of silver.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

Oh, that's what we do. We spread the hate and the nonsense. Now we're moving right along to someone that everyone knows. He saw a burning bush, he talked to a burning bush, he got burned by the bush. Moses.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

It's Moses. He caught that caught that uh S T I well S T D for you, old school motherfuckers.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Yes, he has a sexually transmitted disease by God, which brings us to our episode: God gave Moses the clap.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

And Jada, take it away. All right, so we are actually gonna start at the very beginning of Exodus. We are gonna give you a summary of chapters one and two, and while we read chapters three and four for this remainder of the show. But just to give you a little bit of insight to what's going on at the time, so it starts at chapter one, where we're where we talk about how Joseph and all the generations of the Israelites have now since passed. They were living in Egypt still. And while they were living there, a new pharaoh came into power who knew nothing of Joseph and the God that protected Joseph and saw the Israelites' population growth as a threat. So he decided to enslave all of them and keep them under that rule for 400 years. While they were there, they still continued to grow in numbers, and they also started to basically assimilate as slaves in this situation. And it still was a problem for the Pharaoh because the numbers were growing. So he started to ask the Hebrew midwives if they would kill Hebrew baby boys at birth, letting the girls live. But the midwives feared God per se, and we'll just leave it like that for now. But they fear God and refuse to punish the Pharaoh in order and not killing Hebrew babies, they were blessed with families. But then the Pharaoh decides to command all of his people to throw Hebrew babies into the Nile River. Now, continuing into chapter two, this is around the time that Moses is born. Uh, a Levite woman, the the mother of Moses, the birth mother of Moses, doesn't get a name, but she is a Levite and she gave birth to Moses. She hid him for three months, and then she puts him in the basket and puts him in the river versus throwing him in the river, like she was told by the Pharaoh. The Pharaoh's daughter finds Moses and decides to adopt him and raises him in the palace and jumps from there to his adulthood, where he sees an Egyptian man person beating a Hebrew and kills the Egyptian. When he finds out that people know about him killing the guy, he decides to flee to Midian. So he gets to Midian and he is defending daughters of a priest who happens to be Jethro, and he Jethro welcome him into their family. Jethro's daughter, Zephyr, Zephrah. They have a son, Girasim, or Jerasim, I'm not quite sure how to say it, but they it's the name is in reference to him being a stranger in that land. Meanwhile, the the Israelites are crying out to God, and God remembers that he has a covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. So that was the journey and a summarization of chapters one and two.

SPEAKER_01 6:09

So this is really rare. We actually got names for two of the women, Shifra and Pua, the midwives, that really they but they're not even as significant.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Not only are they not significant, but their their reward for not killing babies was to have more babies.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Listen, anytime we get a name for a woman, it's a good day. Okay, they have been in captivity for 400 years, and now his bitch has remembered.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

The remember part is always diabolic. Because you're supposed to be all-knowing and all-seeing and all-powerful. I feel like this is something you should have seen coming. But we know that the guy doesn't seem to ever know what's going on at all. Like the only way he could have forgot is if he was chilling at the Lotus Casino and he was eating them lotus flowers. What day is it? Oh, what a year?

SPEAKER_01 6:57

400 years. Right. Fucking them flowers up and forgetting shit. That's God. Forgot all about it. He's gonna fuck it up and he's gonna forget.

SPEAKER_00 7:08

Forgot all about his people. Wild work. And at this point, they're not really even Israelites anymore. They've been there 400 years. They are Egyptians, you know, because they are fucking African.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

In every way, in every way that counts. The way they live, the way they worship, all of that at this point is Egyptian at this point.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

Right. We are reading from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. We're in Exodus 3 gonna start us off. So strap in and strap up, cause the shit is wild. And all eyes for the reading of the scripture. Chapter 3 verse 1. Moses was keeping the flock of his father-in-law Jethro, the priest of Midian. He led his flock beyond the wilderness and came to Mount Horab, the mountain of God. There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a flame of fire out of a bush. He looked, and the bush was blazing, yet it was not consumed. Then Moses said, I must turn aside to look at this great sight and see why the bush is not burnt up. When the Lord saw that he had turned aside to see, God called to him out of the bush. Moses, Moses and he said, Here I am.

SPEAKER_04 8:21

Then he said, Come no closer, remove the sandals from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground. He said further, I am the god of your father, the god of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

And Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look at God.

SPEAKER_04 8:42

Then the Lord said, I have observed the misery of my people who are in Egypt. I have heard their cry on account of their taskmasters. Indeed, I know their suffering, and I have come down to deliver them from the Egyptians and to bring them up out of the land to a good and spacious land, to a land flowing with milk and honey. To the country of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Emorites, the Perizzites, the Hittites, and the Jefusites. The cry of the Israelites has now come to me. I have also seen how the Egyptians oppressed them. Now go, I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people, the Israelites, out of Egypt.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

But Moses said to God, Who am I that I should go to the Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?

SPEAKER_04 9:30

He said, I will be with you, and this shall be the sign for you that it is I who sent you. When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

But Moses said to God, If I come to the Israelites and say to them, The God of your ancestors has sent me to you. And they asked me, What is his name? What should I say to them? God said to Moses, I am who I am.

SPEAKER_04 9:57

He said further, This you shall say to the Israelites, I am has sent me to you. God said to Moses, This you should say to the Israelites, the Lord, the God of your ancestors, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob, has sent me to you. This is my name forever, and this my title for all generations.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Verse 16.

SPEAKER_04 10:20

Go and assemble the elders of Israel and say to them, The Lord, the God of your ancestors, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob has appeared to me, saying, I have given heed to you and to what has been done to you in Egypt. I declare that I will bring you up out of the misery of Egypt to the land of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites, a land flowing with milk and honey. They will listen to your voice, and you and the elders of Israel shall go to the king of Egypt and say to him, The Lord, the God of the Hebrews, had met with us. Let us now go three days' journey into the wilderness, so that we may sacrifice to our Lord God, to the Lord our God. I know, however, that the king of Egypt will not let you go except by a mighty hand. So I will stretch out my hand and stretch and stretch Egypt with all my wonders, that I will perform in it. After that, he will let you go. I will bring his people into such favor with the Egyptians that when you go, you will not go empty-handed. Each woman shall ask her neighbor, and any woman living in the neighbor's house for jewelry, of silver and of gold, and of clothing. And you shall put them on your sons and on your daughters. You shall plunder the Egyptians.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

Insane, Jada. God damn. Like I know I say this almost every episode, but the bullshit starts immediately. Every time we fucking start reading, here comes the bullshit. Let's get into it. Okay. Alright, so Jada summarized to Moses killed a bitch. Other people saw him kill the bitch. He got scared, ran away. Boom. He's a median. He's he did some savory type shit. And Jethro is like, hey, you look like a good dude. I don't know you. I don't know where you came from, but you look good enough to marry my daughter. The fuck? So he marries uh Zephora, have a son, and now he's tending flock and see a bush that's burning.

SPEAKER_00 12:31

The fuck? Listen, I'ma tell you, I understand that they was doing a little magic here and there in Egypt at the time. But if our bush that's burning starts talking to me, I'm going the opposite way. I don't have anything to say to that bush. It was probably cute. It's probably like blew up on fire. It's like, oh, and then they was like, remove your sandals. Ah, that's what that's what that's how it would have been for me. It would have been that level of response. It would have been the aw and then the ah. Like I'm out of there. Like Moses is a bold motherfucker.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

Right. Like, okay, so this is probably gonna be another running theme. You know, we got a couple running themes in this goddamn Bible. Guys doing stuff off of fever dreams and believing they fever dreams is real because there's no way you're gonna convince me that Moses really saw a a burning bush and and that didn't burn up, went there, and then the bitch started speaking, and he's just all calm and collected. Talking about here I am.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

Yeah, and I'm sitting there like, you're not gonna convince me he wasn't high as shit out there watching the sheep. Like, there's no way that he wasn't already tripping and admiring stuff. Like at that point, he was already seeing colors come off of other trees. It just happened that he got to this bush and the fire was real. He saw, you know, the fire purple off of the oak tree, and then he saw the fire of blue off of the fig tree, and then he looked, it's like, ooh, this orange fire color looks, oh, it's warm. Oh, wait, this is real. Like, that's I that's what I think happened. He was high as fuck.

SPEAKER_01 14:08

I just I don't Moses hearing voices, y'all. He got audio hallucinations and shit. He's been hearing voices every since way back when, because he was rattling around on the Nile River when his mom packed him up and shipped them all. So all that rattling that fucked his brain up. And now he's hearing things just like he heard kill kill the Egyptian bitches, you know, like he hearing shit and he doing things off his audio hallucination. Now he's hearing the fucking God speak to uh speak through a bush and he just okay with that.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

He's been hearing voices, right? Absolutely. I was trying to be generous, but you know what? You're right, it could also be a mental illness ignored. Again, we get no backstory of his childhood. He could have been walking around with his best friend Jim Junebug this whole time, and everybody, and we don't know nothing about it because they don't tell us, they just he went from kid to adult.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

Because Moses grew up in the palace, so you know how rich people be getting away with shit. Right. They knew that they knew that boy wasn't right, but he had, but he was a he was the uh the pharaoh's daughter adopted son, so they couldn't really say nothing, or they're gonna get thrown to the crocodiles and shit. So they just let him, they just let him go on and wandering around and hitting his head on the wall and shit, talking to himself and shit. They just like, yeah, well, that's Moses. That's that's the that's the pharaoh's, that's the pharaoh's little grandson.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

So listen, we I mean, if you have any history with the story, you know that he might not be the the the brightest bulb in the in the basket. So it's like it would definitely line up with that storyline, it would line up with that. I would not have no arguments for you, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:01

Right. And Jada, let's talk about this because we talk about washing feet a lot, and this is where we get the title that God gave Moses the clap because he told him to remove his sandals. And we know how the Bible likes to talk about feet. You ain't gonna convince me that God did not fuck Moses up there in that mountain and and then gave him the clap. He said, Remove, he said, remove those sandals, take your clothes off. Let me try to see his little God got, but you know, he done gave them a turnips. That's what really happened.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

Holy ground.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

See, you mess around with a fever dream, you start listening to them fever dreams, you're gonna catch your little something. Don't catch your little something down under.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

I mean, you know, they always talk about you always talking about this ain't real life. This metaphoric, okay. Well, that that that uh sandals removal is metaphoric for a toe fetish, and the burning bush is the result.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

And you know, God, bitch has then go get tested. You know he ain't take no medication, so he just out here spreading it. So all you people that got the Holy Spirit just know y'all might go get tested. Everybody who has the spirit of God in you, I'm just saying, protect yourself, go get tested. You might need a little penicillin shot because God got He got burning bush energy. Get your little shot of that penicillin to get rid of what God done gave you because He done gave Moses a clap with this burning bush, y'all. Okay, we gotta move on, Jaden. Let me stop.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

I'm just saying that Bush was more of a tumbleweed that was burst into flames.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Okay, and then and then this bitch has God. Okay, they've been in captivity for 400 fucking years. And the ending of ver uh the ending of two says that he remembered them. They they groaned and and cried, and then he remembered them after 400 years. This bitch are you fucking kidding me? How many times are we gonna read where God done forgot the bullshit he done did to his people and then have to uh we just read not too long ago how he fucking left Noah on the boat and then like fucking remembered?

SPEAKER_04 18:21

Oh shit, I got this nigga on the boat and I just wiped out everybody. Let me go help now.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

He's doing the same thing. Like, how many fucking strings are tied around your goddamn finger, guy? You keep forgetting shit, you forget major shit.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

He stopped eating the lotus cookies. He was he was at the bar and was like, let me give a shot.

SPEAKER_04 18:38

Oh, what year is it?

SPEAKER_00 18:41

I'm pretty sure.

SPEAKER_01 18:45

He don't forget, right? He don't forget small shit, like you know, he don't forget your sins, because he really don't. He don't forget, you know, that people don't want him. He don't forget that shit.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

And he did the same thing to Sapson for real. He left Sapson and just was like, I'm out, and then all of a sudden, and now he left that nigga. That nigga had to cry out for his ass.

SPEAKER_04 19:10

He like, oh yeah, that's right. Let me get all over there.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

I mean, he he just is forgetful, forgetful with all of his pay things. This is mad weird. I don't know how he found anything. Right.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

He forget important shit about the the people that he keeps putting in captivity. I didn't know. Man playing cat's corners by himself. I don't understand. I don't understand this guy. So verse 9, it says, You think we bullshit in verse 9? It says, the cry of the Israelites has now come to me. Now after 400 years, they were crying for 400 fucking years. And he said, Now I hear them cry. This bitch.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

It's speaking narcissism because he's not, he's not even, he's not even willing to take any level of accountability because he didn't even go to someone who would have been a direct descendant and maybe have some kind of knowledge or members of family who worshiped the God. Like he went to somebody who had no reason to even be looking for this guy. He was born, he was, I mean, yeah, he was born to a slave, but he ended up being raised in the palace. So he didn't have a need for money, deliverance of any kind for real. I mean, maybe he wanted the people to forget about the man he killed, but for for the most part, he went out to the country and found another warm, hospitable family to live with. He was fine. But the guy who doesn't want to take any accountability for the fact that that nigga went to the Lotus for two days and stayed 400 years and forgot that he had a whole group of people that he was supposed to be watching. He don't want to take accountability for that.

SPEAKER_04 20:50

He's gonna say, I'ma just talk to the guy who was a bloodline. He don't really have to know anything about that.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

Right. And that's a great point that you that you bring out. It's like God picked someone that wasn't gonna ask no questions. He wasn't a slave like the other Israelites. Because I right like Jada was saying, like, if if he'd have gone to like Aaron or or any other or the elders, if he if God hadn't gone to the elders, they would have been like, bitch, what where you been? Where the fuck you been? Where you been? And even that's stretching it a little bit because I want to go down to to where because he kept them in captivity for four years, let Egypt fucking do whatever they wanted to with Israel, just passing around like the collection plate, like I said last episode. They they forgot about this guy. They don't fucking know this guy. They don't know nothing about this guy. To be honest, like none of the none of these bitches are Israelites anymore. Because 400 years in captivity to Egypt, they're like Jada said, they're Egyptian. They are born in Egypt. They're Egyptian now, they're not fucking Israelites, they're not fucking Hebrews anymore.

SPEAKER_00 22:05

They're fucking eat they're fucking Egyptians. Right. And if they're slaves, they don't. We can just say honestly that if they're slaves, there's they're more than likely not even, they weren't even allowed to worship their own gods. If if this guy is already threatened by their their growth in numbers, I'm I'm very sure that he made it illegal for them to worship their old gods, which is another reason why the guy was forgotten. Because with the all all powerful just disappeared, what you gonna keep praying to him for? If the man right there can whoop you down and give you more and more heart. Labor. I'm going with Dagon. I don't know why you go there, like, I'm out of here. I mean, I know that's a Philistines, but I'm just saying, like, I'm going with the flow. I'm a win in Rome. You know that phrase? Yeah. Win in Rome. At this point, there was no reason for them not to push against that grain. So of course they're they don't have any idea who this guy is. He didn't show up at all.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

Right. And then and let's be all the way for real with slavery. You lose your autonomy as a person. You lose your identity. You pick up the identity of your slave owners. Let's let's talk about American slavery because we we are both American. We're both black American women. And our ancestry is in Africa. But when they brought us over, what do we speak? Do we speak our native language? Absolutely. Our native language is English because we're native to America now. Our ancestors were from Africa. When they brought us over here, they stripped us of our identity. We started speaking English. We started praising this Christian God. We did things that our slave owners told us to. That's why it's so fucking messed up about slavery, along with the brutalization. You lose who you are. So they're no longer God's people, they're no longer Israelites. They fucking Egyptian source serving Horus and Osiris and fucking Anubis in them. Right.

SPEAKER_00 24:03

Right. And they have no reason to do otherwise. Because again, this guy who is now coming to grandstand in front of Moses, you know, a person who has absolutely no reason to give a fuck about who he is. That's why he's not in front of them because he he literally only has actual parlor tricks to bring forth. And he's been gone forever. So it's it was wild work to say the least that he would come back and grandstand like this with Moses. Because 400 years, ain't no motherfucking way they're not assimilated. Ain't no way. Yep. Yeah, I'm starting to think that the Wizard of Oz is based off of this guy. Because what I tell you, it is just parl trick, probably trick, probably trick. But the real real work is on you. Like that's that's how it is everything.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

Like you gotta go kill the wicked witch of the West and then come back, and maybe I'll give you a heart and show you how to come home. I'll I'll bring it home after that. What?

SPEAKER_00 25:03

But be but fear my deep voice and my big math.

SPEAKER_04 25:08

You know what I'm saying? Like what? He said, I burned this bush, but I need you, Moses, to do the real work.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Like, that's what just happened here. God don't like Moses. We're gonna keep going on, and you're going to see how much God just don't like this nigga that he sent. It's part because he was he was living too good under the Egyptian rule, and God didn't like that nigga. And then he got married to a black woman and Moses was living a good life.

SPEAKER_04 25:34

He like, nah, I gotta fuck some shit up. God was like, That's what really happened.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

It wasn't he really heard the people cry. He got, yeah, he got mad at Moses because Moses did suffer. He wasn't suffering like the other other Israelites.

SPEAKER_04 25:45

So God was like, You think you're gonna live high on the hog, nigga?

SPEAKER_01 25:51

Nah. Yeah, he said, you haven't suffered. So, right, I'm gonna make your ass. Nah, you're gonna have to put it in some more.

SPEAKER_04 25:59

So then let's talk about how God, this all-powerful deity, fucking told Moses that Okay, now when you take the people out of Egypt, y'all gonna have to steal something other people's land. I'm gonna have y'all do what the Egyptians did to you.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

Oh no, no, that's still. Not even still.

SPEAKER_04 26:22

He like It's theirs, but I'm giving it to you.

SPEAKER_00 26:24

Like he's we're not even gonna, he's not even telling them that there's gonna have to be any type of battle. He's making it seem like That's true. This is how the whole plan is gonna go. You're gonna go. You're gonna tell them to let my people go, but he ain't gonna do it. And then once he don't do it, I'm gonna wave my magic wands and I'm gonna just make everybody after I do my wonders, they're gonna be in such favor, because he said wonders. He said they will, he'll let you go, and the people will, you'll be in such favor with the Egyptians that they will give you their stuff to leave with. He made it seem like it was just gonna be so easy for for everybody else.

SPEAKER_04 27:04

He's like, I'm just gonna give him a little magic trick, and that's gonna make him change his mind.

SPEAKER_00 27:08

That's how he that's how he presented this idea.

SPEAKER_01 27:10

These n these niggas are slaves. So I just want y'all to just to keep that in the recesses of your mind. You know, I always like to plan something in your mind. The Israelites are slaves. And once we get on into Moses' story, you you're I'm gonna bring this back up because this this plays a really key part in the God promising, like Jada said, He's he's not saying that they're gonna have to to to fight these people. He's telling Moses, like he's making it seem like, okay, this day land, but I'm gonna give it to you. And these people are slaves. They they ain't they don't they not fighters, they slaves. Just so just remember that. Just remember that. That's how I wanted to say.

SPEAKER_00 27:53

They've been slaves for 400 years, right? And I and we are pointing out the fact that the God gave them a step-by-step of how this was gonna play out as if it was gonna be a smooth transition for them. He would have to do all the heavy lifting, is basically what he said. So, and he's already, he already proclaiming that the Pharaoh is gonna be a problem. So that's that's what he said.

SPEAKER_01 28:17

That's crazy. So let's move on because we got more. The bullshit don't end. We got more. We're about to move on to uh chapter four. And Jada, take it away.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

Starting at chapter four, verse one. Then Moses answered, But look, they may not believe me or listen to me, but say, The Lord did not appear to you. The Lord said to him, What is in your hand? He said, A staff.

SPEAKER_04 28:43

And he said, Throw it to the ground.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

So he threw the staff on the ground and it became a snake, and Moses drew back from it.

SPEAKER_04 28:50

Then the Lord said to Moses, Reach out your hand and seize it by the tail.

SPEAKER_00 28:55

So he reached out his hand and grasped it, and it became a staff in his hand.

SPEAKER_04 29:01

So that they may believe that the Lord, the God of their ancestors, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob has appeared to you. Again, the Lord said to him, Put your hand inside your cloak.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

He put his hand into his cloak, and when he took it out, his hand was diseased, as white as snow.

SPEAKER_04 29:20

Then God said, Put your hand back into your cloak.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

So he put his hand back into his cloak. And when he took it out, it was restored like the rest of his body.

SPEAKER_04 29:31

If they will not believe you, or heed the first sign, they may believe the second sign. If they will not believe even these two signs, or listen to you, you shall take some water from the Nile and pour it onto the dry ground. And the water that you shall take from the Nile will become blood on the dry ground.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

But Moses said to the Lord, O my Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past, nor even now that you have spoken to your servant. But I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.

SPEAKER_04 30:03

Then the Lord said to him, Who gives speech to mortals? Who makes them mutual deaf, seeming or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Verse 12. Now go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you are to speak.

SPEAKER_00 30:20

But he said, Oh Lord, please send someone else. Then the anger of the Lord was kindled against Moses.

SPEAKER_04 30:27

And he said, One of your brother Aaron, the Levite, I know that he can speak well. Even now, he is coming out to meet you. And when he sees you, his heart will be glad.

SPEAKER_00 30:40

Verse 15.

SPEAKER_04 30:41

You shall speak to him and put the words in his mouth, and I will be with your mouth and with his mouth, and will teach you what you shall do. He indeed shall speak for you to the people. He shall serve as a mouth for you, and you shall serve as God for him. Take in your hand the staff with which you shall perform the signs.

SPEAKER_00 31:03

Moses went back to his father-in-law, Jethro, and said to him, Please let me go back to my own people in Egypt and see whether they are still living. And Jethro said to Moses, Go in peace.

SPEAKER_04 31:15

The Lord said to Moses in Midian, Go back to Egypt, for all those who were seeking your life are dead.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

So Moses took his wife and his son, put them on a donkey, and went back to the land of Egypt. And Moses carried the staff of God in his hand.

SPEAKER_04 31:31

And the Lord said to Moses, When you go back to Egypt, see that you perform before Pharaoh and all the all the wonders that I have put in your power. But I will harden his heart, so that he will not let the people go. Then you shall say to Pharaoh, Thus say the Lord, Israel is my firstborn son. And I say to you, Let my son go, that he may serve me. But you refuse to let him go. Now I will kill your firstborn son.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

Verse 24. On the way, at a place where they spent the night, the Lord met him and tried to kill him. But Zepperah took a flint and cut off her son's foreskin, touched his feet with it, and said, Truly you are a bridegroom of blood to me. So he let him alone. It was then that she said, A bridegroom of blood because of the circumcision.

SPEAKER_04 32:26

The Lord said to Aaron, Go into the wilderness to meet Moses.

SPEAKER_00 32:30

So he went and he met him at the mountain of God and kissed him. Verse 28. Moses told all the words of the Lord with which he had sent him and all the signs with which he had charged him. Then Moses and Aaron went and assembled all the elders of the Israelites. Aaron spoke all the words that the Lord had spoken to Moses and performed the signs in the sight of the people. The people believed. And when they heard that the Lord had given heed to the Israelites and that he had seen their misery, they bowed down and worshiped and say, God damn. Let's get into that free reel real quick. As you can see, starting at the very beginning, Moses, like, hey, hey, hey, don't nobody even listen to me. Then they're not gonna listen to me. Like he's immediately like trying to come up with reasons why. He don't have to do this. Like there could be anybody else. Hey, he's like, Well, I have no reason. And the first thing God does where he's like, let me show you my magic tricks. Let me teach you how to do them real quick.

SPEAKER_04 33:33

Let me teach you how to pull a rabbit out of his head real quick, bitch. Because you don't do what the fuck I say.

SPEAKER_00 33:40

Like just throw the stab down. Whoosh, snake. Pick it up, whoosh, stab, boom. And if that doesn't work, then what you're gonna do is you're gonna put your hand in your cloak. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. That's right. Put your hand in your cloak. One, two, three, pull it out. Ooh, sickly, sickly, sickly. Put it back. One, two, three, pull it out. I'm healthy. And if that doesn't work, if that doesn't work, get a bucket of water, say it's from the Nile, throw it on the ground, and it's gonna turn the blood. There's no way they're not gonna believe this shit. There's no way.

SPEAKER_01 34:19

You are killing me with these magic tricks. This is this is some tomfoolery type shit. And now this, now we're reading from the new revised standard version, but in the King James version, that bitch said, put your hand on your titty and take and take it out. And then you're gonna have a little leprosy on it, then touch a titty again. That's what God said. God said bosom. They try they be trying to clean it up in a new revised standard version, but it's titty. He had them putting it on the table.

SPEAKER_00 34:49

You know what's really funny is I actually saw a video of someone trying to claim that there's a study about touching titty and how it's how it's beneficial health-wise to a man, of course. But that it helps them release touching breasts and titties, helps them release oxytocin, oxytocin, I think that's how you say it, and takes them out of the fight or flight mode that they're in 24-7. I was like, listen, don't tell your husbands because they will take full advantage of that study if it's real.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

Well, well, no, but when God told Moses to touch his titties, he gave him leprosy. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 35:35

That's what I get. No, I get what you're saying. I'm just saying it's funny that he is it's a boob touch, but you're right, because that boob definitely made him sick.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

If y'all don't think that Moses got the clip, I'm touching his titty and come out to Z shows that God gave Moses the clip. Okay, I'm gonna stop messing with y'all. Y'all like y'all just literally know, but he really did know.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

He sat there when Moses asked, even for him who's referring to himself as not eloquent and you know, not really good at talking, he was still able to be like, these niggas not gonna believe me. What you got? And God was like, You don't like that one? Okay, if that one doesn't work, like he had three tricks lined up for this guy, like just in case they don't believe nothing that you say, boom, you got it. And and still Moses was like, You ain't got nobody else, nigga.

SPEAKER_01 36:32

God got mad at his ass. He like, look, bitch, stop questioning me. You're going to do the shit I told you to do. Free will, hello, free will, who this?

SPEAKER_00 36:43

He's like, bitch, don't make me. He was like, I know you're not back talking.

SPEAKER_04 36:50

I had this was a problem with Abraham. Something's wrong with you.

SPEAKER_01 36:53

Right. And as much as I hate the free will conversation, because the definition for free will does not apply to any human being. Well, but the way that it's used is just talking about choice. And we're gonna leave it at that. Moses exercised his choice and told God, I don't fucking want to do this. Told him several times. God was like, fuck you, yes, you are. So free will this. Who guys is this? Who guys is this? Like the man said no.

SPEAKER_00 37:25

Literally, no. He said no will at all. Because God is that God is that coworker that wants to say hello to you and have a conversation. And no matter how much you try to avoid them, they just keep standing in your path so you can't get past them because you guys are stuck in the hallway. That's how God is treating Moses right now. Like, but wait a minute, let me just show you one more thing. Hold on, let's just let me show you one more thing. It's like a salesman wrapped up into a Jehovah's Witness, no offense to the Jehovah's Witnesses at the door, but you know, like, hold on, hold on, let no, please don't let me go. Just let me go. Please. It's okay. That's how Moses is. Like, it's it's cool. I don't really want nothing to do with this.

SPEAKER_04 38:08

And God was like, Bitch, what I tell you, you're gonna do this shit, and you're gonna do this shit and be happy about me.

SPEAKER_00 38:15

That's how God can't.

SPEAKER_04 38:16

Bitch, I know you can't talk well. I've been hearing you talk for a while, and it it sounds horrible, but you still gonna do this. Don't get Aaron.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

Wait, side note, God quite literally admitted that He He's the cause of defects. Yeah. And was like, was like, I control that shit. Like, he lets everybody know that the that perfect designed my ass. All the defects are me. Okay, that's my work.

SPEAKER_01 38:43

And and then if you really want it, because in Leviticus, he talks about, I think it's Leviticus. Don't quote me on that. But in one of the books, he talks about like, because they're Levites, okay? Aaron and Moses and all of them, they Levites because they were born from a Levite. Right. And God don't like God don't like disabled people going into his temple.

SPEAKER_03 39:02

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 39:03

That's all I was saying.

SPEAKER_00 39:04

He made disabled people. He he took full credit for if he ain't take credit for nothing else. He took credit for that right there. He said, I make it.

SPEAKER_01 39:13

He's like, bitch, I he's like, bitch, I gave you the stutter. Right. Aaron, you still gonna do what the fuck you still gonna do, though. Not like Moses. God don't like Moses.

SPEAKER_00 39:21

He don't like him.

SPEAKER_01 39:22

Moses was not his boy.

SPEAKER_00 39:24

I'm already on your train. You know, I was standing at the at the stop waiting for you to get here. I'm there. He does not like Moses at all. At all. Because Moses was so polite. Like, he's one of the few people that didn't like. He even referred to himself as a servant of God. But he's just like, you know, I'm sure you got more. You know, like there's somebody else, I'm sure. But he was so polite. God just like licked, like, no, bitch, you're gonna do this shit. That's wild work.

SPEAKER_01 39:52

Yeah, I'm gonna do what the fuck I tell you to do. Yeah, free will, who this. And even with that, he talks about he tells, he tells him what he's gonna do. Listen, go talk to that bitch, Pharaoh, but I'm gonna harden his heart. So you're gonna have to talk to him a long time because I want to make some people suffer. Right. Don't tell me guys not a psycho-sociopath. He literally decided that he was going to change Pharaoh's mind so he can fucking so he can inflict some suffering on some goddamn people.

SPEAKER_00 40:22

I wouldn't, I would actually go as far as to say his the truth of his plan was starting to come out because in when he first started talking about it, he said he was going to do his wonders. He said that the Pharaoh was gonna say no. He said the Pharaoh's gonna say no, and I'm gonna do my wonders, and they're gonna let you go. But now he's like, I'm gonna harden his heart so I can kill his firstborns. Like that's it. Like he went straight from being real soft and gentle about it to once he was like, Moses, you gonna do this shit to like fuck it. This is how well this is exactly what I'm gonna do. Because I feel like fucking some shit up.

SPEAKER_01 41:02

That's because that's because Moses got on his nerves. Like he was trying to be now, you know, I'm I'm the god of the the the the Isaac and uh Jacob and Abraham. And now he's like, look, look, bitch, go on, get you get your brother and go on to Pharaoh because I'm about to fuck some shit up.

SPEAKER_00 41:19

He tried to appear as a sheep, but turned into a wolf. Yeah, mm-hmm.

unknown 41:25

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 41:26

He tried to appear as a sheep to Moses, but turned into a wolf. That nigga cried a wolf real quick.

SPEAKER_01 41:33

I thought that wait a minute, ain't he supposed to be long-suffering?

SPEAKER_00 41:36

This bitch switched moves real quick on the nigga. That's now we know why Jesus was the way he was with that bitch. That shit crazy. This is how God.

SPEAKER_01 41:45

That shit crazy. Why is why God always messing with the mentally ill? Like Moses is not well. He's literally talking to himself up there on the hill. Okay. And then, okay, this is some diabolical shit. And then after he's like, okay, get get bitch ass Aaron. I'm gonna put my words in your mouth. You can put your words in his mouth. He's gonna put his words in my mouth. Like, what? He putting my mouth, your mouth, our mouth, they mouth. We all mouthing up in this bitch. Oh okay. Okay, okay. God damn it. Moses got the clap when he went up that hill. He came down with something. Why is he putting all this shit in people's mouths?

SPEAKER_00 42:31

Once again, showing us that he likes orgies. Because what? Why are we putting stuff in each other's mouths?

SPEAKER_01 42:38

It was too much. It was too much to read. I was like, Jada, I'm over here. So Jada was reading it. I'm like, ew, why is everybody mouth touching? Why everybody putting shit in mouths? Okay. So then after that, Moses finally like, okay, God, what the fuck ever? So he he goes, tell Jethro, hey, bitch, I gotta leave. God wants me to go back to Egypt. Jeff was like, fine, do what you gotta do, son. I don't really fucking care about you, my daughter, or my grandson. Get the fuck out of my face. But he was like, go in peace, bitch. Why are you still here? Right, for real. Jethro was like, I'm out. Have a good one. And then after God coerced Moses to say yes, he tried to kill the bitch. 24. It's so random. Verse 24. On the way at a place where they spent the night, the Lord met him and tried to kill him.

SPEAKER_00 43:37

And it's so random. It's so random. It came out of nowhere. Oh my God. So it was like, like, what was he gonna do? Just start talking to Aaron. That's what it was. He was so through with him. That's what it was. He was like, once, once he told him about Aaron because I don't care how he tried to play the whole, I made you dumb and mute. He forgot Aaron even existed.

SPEAKER_04 44:05

He was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:07

Aaron definitely speaks better than you.

SPEAKER_04 44:09

I created you. I know what you did.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

No, he didn't know who the fuck Aaron was. That's why. Why didn't he just go to Aaron if he knew who Aaron was? He did not know who Aaron was. Okay, he only went to Moses because Moses was of high status. He didn't know none of the rest of them motherfuckers by name. He was like, you know what? Let me, you know what? Moses is a Levite. I could go talk to him. You know, that's where it was.

SPEAKER_01 44:30

That's that's all fine. But then, like, did God, was God still mad that he refused? So when they rested, he tried to kill the bitch?

SPEAKER_00 44:40

Yeah. No, that's what I'm saying. He was already mad about the fact that he refused him. He was like, I sought you out and you told me no. Cool, you got a standby. I'll just go ahead and fuck with that nigga. And I'm gonna slice this motherfucker. Like, that's some fuck ass shit. Because Moses was minding his business. You dragged him into this shit. And then you mad because he didn't really want to do it.

SPEAKER_01 45:02

I got so mad. Like he was about to. Listen, if y'all don't, if y'all don't know now, please understand God's favorite color is red. He was itching to kill somebody. So much so he was about to fuck up his whole plan.

SPEAKER_00 45:15

He went from they're gonna they're gonna push back and I'm gonna do my wonders to I'm gonna declare them my firstborn and I'm gonna take his firstborn to fuck it. I'm killing Moses.

SPEAKER_01 45:24

Like that's where he was. He's like, I wanted done. Now he got excited. Like God got hired.

SPEAKER_04 45:30

Yeah, we're about to kill those bitches. Yeah, yeah. Oh shit, I can't wait. Let me get Moses.

SPEAKER_01 45:35

Like, what? The age Gabriel, like God, God, slow, slow the fuck down. Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_04 45:40

No, I'm about to kill this bitch. This bitch has a he question me. I'm I am who I am, god damn it. How you gonna question me? How you gonna question me? I'm God, bitch.

SPEAKER_01 45:56

He went in there yelling and shit. Like, God, calm the fuck down. And this uh Zipporah Zippora woke up like, what the fuck? She was like, okay, see, she knew God, like I don't know how she. No, it's Zipporah, Zephora, tomato tomato. I don't know how the fuck, I don't know the bitch. She ain't called she ain't tell me her name. So it's Zipporah or Zephora.

SPEAKER_03 46:21

It's fucking tomato tomato.

SPEAKER_01 46:23

Okay, shut up. It's tomato tomato, goddammit. I don't know how she knew that God like red. This don't make any sense because Zipporah is not an Israelite, she's each she's she's African, she's a black woman. How why she cuts her son's foreskin off and throw it at Moses? What? And this calms God, y'all don't understand. This calms God down when she cuts her her son's dick tip off, throw it at Moses. This calms God down.

SPEAKER_03 46:55

What?

SPEAKER_00 46:55

Yeah, and I want to say that she went off of instinct. She was like, I know our guys like sacrifice, so maybe this motherfucker like a little blood. I'm telling you, that's she went off of instinct on that shit.

SPEAKER_01 47:09

What Egyptian guy said they wanted, they wanted dick tips. I I gotta do that. No, not the dick.

SPEAKER_00 47:15

Listen, listen, not the dick tips. I think that they had some inkling of this guy. And it was just like, I know he got a thing for penis. He's not gonna give me a big.

SPEAKER_01 47:27

No, no, they didn't know this bitch. They didn't know this bitch. I didn't I'm not giving no type of credit because this is so random.

SPEAKER_00 47:34

It's a quite a random place to get some blood from. Like the kid at that. Like you didn't even cut Moses' circumcision or like you just you did it on the baby.

SPEAKER_01 47:44

From 24 so verse 24 to 26 did not need to be in here. That's why it's so fucking random. What the hell?

SPEAKER_00 47:54

Except that they wanted us to know that the guy has a bloodlust, you know, on the full moon when the full moon rises. He might be the first vampire. Because like he just like, I gotta get it now. Like that's what he that's how he was. Stupid.

SPEAKER_01 48:11

None of this makes sense. None of this fucking makes sense. God wanted to kill Moses after he got him to agree with him. Sephora, even knowing that God likes dick tips, cut her son's dick tip off and then throw it at Moses. Like, how would they know any of this? And and and then on top of that, Moses, well, Moses might have been circumcised. It doesn't say, but it doesn't.

SPEAKER_00 48:37

But we don't even know if it was.

SPEAKER_01 48:39

I would say that he wasn't circumcised. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.

SPEAKER_00 48:43

And he was Egyptian, and that there's no record of that being a regular practice in Egyptian culture in the book. I'll put it like that. I'll say it like that. In the book. Right.

SPEAKER_01 48:53

The only Well, the only thing that I the only reason why I would like kind of say that he could have been circumcised is because he was they didn't chip him off right away as soon as she was born. He grew a little bit. So he could very well have been circumcised. It's possible. Yeah, it's possible.

SPEAKER_00 49:12

But I I would wager that maybe it didn't happen because maybe they weren't even practicing in that at that time. That's why I'm saying, like, just the fact that they just jumped jumped straight to penis, foreskin, again, is like, I mean, take a look at the case. Why are you fucking with your son Dick? Why you mess with your son Dick Skin? How, why, why is that the specific move needed? Because it says that she said bridegroom of blood because of the circumcision. Why is that the the the the what is that? That's what I'm getting at. I don't want to look it up because I feel like a bridegroom. I don't even want to know. What the f but that that that part right there just kind of was like, what?

SPEAKER_01 49:56

What is a bridegroom? That sounds like some pedophile type shit.

SPEAKER_00 50:00

But I do agree that that all of that could have just been left out. There was no reason for us to know about any of it because it has no relevance to the rest of the story, except to add to the credence that God really didn't like Moses and everything else that he went through on top of that was out of sheer spite.

SPEAKER_01 50:20

Yeah, y'all let that sink in. Y'all let that sink in. Now Moses and Aaron meet, and the first thing that they do is kiss. Hey, brother. Kissing cousins. Nigga, we got kissing brothers. They kissed.

SPEAKER_00 50:38

Yes, kissing brothers. Like, and you know they're gonna be like, well, you know what? You kiss your brother. Listen, you can kick, you can kick rocks with that argument.

SPEAKER_01 50:48

Listen, let's stop the bullshit all the way. God like man-on-man action. I don't care what the fuck y'all say.

SPEAKER_00 50:55

It's information that was completely unnecessary to the story. Like, it doesn't give us any indication of devotion to each other because this is the first time they're meeting. So why would it why would it be that level of indication? They don't know each other. How would he even know Moses? Right. Exactly. Enough to just be kissing on him, brother or not. I I just met you. Now, I don't know. There's some there's some countries in the world where the custom is to kiss on either cheek, you know, when you greet a person, and that's fine. But what I'm saying is it wasn't a necessary detail at all. Because why? Just like the verses before it, why we don't need that.

SPEAKER_01 51:34

Just like we would you're right. That was just about to say, just like 24 to 26. We didn't need that shit. And now we don't need to know that they fucking kissing.

SPEAKER_00 51:41

It doesn't add any context.

SPEAKER_01 51:43

Okay. And then let's talk about Aaron's ass. He don't fucking know Moses. They didn't grow up in the same house. They didn't, they didn't do shit together. But he just gonna all of a sudden believe this dude that talks to himself that has audio hallucination. He just gonna what is with these dudes just believing shit?

SPEAKER_00 52:02

Not just him, the elders too, because as soon as he performed, apparently, I didn't realize this was a thing because apparently, uh if I'm reading this correctly, Aaron was taught the tricks to do in front of the elders as well. So you're telling me that these are parlor tricks. I mean, you just passing them along. These aren't specific to you, God. These are like these are parlor tricks that anybody who's taught can do.

SPEAKER_01 52:28

So and then I read that it was supposed to be Moses, Aaron, and uh the elders and the pharaoh. Why now he just talking to the elders? Are they supposed to be going talking to the pharaoh too?

SPEAKER_00 52:42

Well, I think this was the first stop, and then they're gonna go and talk to the elders with, I mean, go talk to the pharaoh with the elders after he's convinced the elders.

SPEAKER_01 52:52

Then they just like everybody just believe in shit. Because the elders, like, they falling on their face and shit and worshiping. What?

SPEAKER_00 52:59

Literally, no questions. Nobody asked any questions. Nobody asked the because my my argument is at this point that the elders are people who are of rank in the community of the Hebrews at this point. So it's like, okay, their question should have been, where the fuck you been at? Like, that's that was like bring that God here. Fuck these damn tricks. I got questions. Like, nobody felt any reason to to question them. We're gonna go ahead and wrap it up here because we got more Moses when the next couple episodes. We're gonna be talking about Moses for just a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 53:36

Yes, and Jada and I are going to have a fever dream and start talking to ourselves. So we will catch you in the next one.

SPEAKER_00 53:44

If you have any questions with the text, please take it up with your guide and not us.

SPEAKER_01 53:49

Peace, love, and life. Bye. Bye.