“Hi Israel, It’s Me God”

In this episode God exacts his dumb ass plan and finally sends Moses and Aaron to Pharaoh. And like all stupid plans, this one stinks. So much so that Israel becomes a foul odor to the Egyptian God. Join us as God introduces himself with Hi Israel It’s Me God.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:42

Welcome to What the Fuck Bible Stories. I'm your host, G Spot.

SPEAKER_04 0:45

And I'm Jada B. Nutty. Thank you for joining us and feel free to be as unhinged as we are. Quick disclaimer. We are not here to attack anyone's personal faith. We are just reading the biblical text as is and having fun with it.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

Yes, having fun with it.

SPEAKER_04 1:01

And Jada guys, ass. Ass like a motherfucker, bruh. This Moses story, as you know, every time we get to reading, I'm like trying not to beat myself up. Like, bitch, you know you like to read books. Why you ain't never opened this bitch like this before? Like, that's how I am with myself when I read these stories. Because Moses, the more I read, the more I'm like, why they do you like this, man?

SPEAKER_02 1:27

Why do you like this? Yes. Like by the end of this, you're gonna really realize that God does not like Moses' ass. He don't like him at all. And he don't really, he's not too fond of Israel either.

SPEAKER_04 1:41

Like, I'm almost at the point where I'm just like, maybe the churches are getting it wrong because God did not like Israel and he didn't like Moses. So why, why I think they pissing God off because they give Moses Moses too much credit in this shit.

SPEAKER_02 1:57

Right. Like this episode, we're just gonna continue on until with God's like, well, hey, Israel. It's me, God.

SPEAKER_04 2:07

No, really.

SPEAKER_02 2:08

God. It's me. It's me. It's me. Yay. Remember me? I know I love y'all for 400 years, but I backed out. I hear so.

SPEAKER_04 2:16

Oh, you don't know them niggas either. My bad.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

Just nah. Listen, y'all, just like we say all the time, the strap in and strap, because this is going to be a wild one. Because you know we like to give it to you wild. We don't like to give it to you straight or narrow or anything. Wild and uncouth is how we roll. So we are in the new revised standard version as we've been in since we started. We're going to be reading all of chapter 5 and then chapter 6. And all right for the reading of the scripture? Exodus chapter 5. Afterward, Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and said, Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, let my people go, so that they may celebrate a festival to me in the wilderness. But Pharaoh said, Who is this Lord that I should listen to him and let Israel go? I do not know the Lord. I will not let Israel go. Then they said, The God of He the God of the Hebrews has revealed himself to us. Let us go a three days' journey into the wilderness and sacrifice to the Lord our God, or he will fall upon us with the pestilence or a sword. But the king of Egypt said to them, Moses and Aaron, why are you taking the people away from their work? Get to your labors. Pharaoh continued. Now they are more numerous than the people of the land, and yet you want them to stop laboring? That same day Pharaoh commanded the taskmasters of the people, as well as the supervisors. You shall no longer give the people straw to make bricks, as before. Let them go and gather straw for themselves, but you shall require of them the same quantity of bricks as they have made previously. Do not diminish it, for they are lazy. That is why they cry, let us go and sacrifice to our gods. Let heavier work be laid on them, then they will pay attention to it and not to deceive deceptive words. So the taskmasters and supervisors of the people went out and said to the people, Thus says Pharaoh, I will not give you straw. Go and get straw yourselves wherever you can find it, but your work will not be lessened in the least. So the people scattered throughout the land of Egypt together stubble for straw. The taskmasters urged them saying, Complete your work the same daily assignment as when you were given straw. And the Israelite supervisors whom Pharaoh's taskmasters had set over them were beaten and were asked, Why did you not finish the required quantity of bricks yesterday and today, as you did before? Then the Israelite supervisors came to Pharaoh and cried, Why do you treat your servants like this? No straw is given to our your servants, yet they say to us, Make bricks. Look how your servants are beaten, but the fault is with you. He said, You are lazy, lazy, that is why you say, Let us go and sacrifice to the Lord. Go now, work, for no for no straw shall be given you, but you shall still deliver the same number of bricks. The Israelite supervisor saw that they were in trouble when they were told, You shall not lessen your daily numbers of bricks. As they left Pharaoh, they came upon Moses and Aaron, who was waiting to meet them. They said to them, The Lord look upon you and judge. You have brought us into bad odor with Pharaoh and his officials, and have put a sword in their hand to kill us. Then Moses turned to the Lord and said, Oh my Lord, why have you mistreated this people? Why did you ever send me since I first came to Pharaoh to speak in your name? He has mistreated this people, and you have done nothing at all to deliver your people. Insane, Jada. Y'all, when I listen, I know I say this every episode. The bullshit starts immediately.

SPEAKER_04 6:10

And can I just say, shout out to all you KJV fans? Because ain't no motherfucking way I'm ever going back to that book. Because it's hard enough over here. And you choose that route, you are quite literally no different than your guy because he chooses chaos. Okay. I know we said we would, but I'm just saying the parallels are real. You choose KJV, that's chaos. God chose chaos right here. I want to go back to Exodus chapter 4, verse, I want to say 21, where he said that he was gonna send Moses to Egypt to perform those miracles, those wonders for the Pharaoh, and that he was gonna use his power, but he was gonna harden his heart so he will not let his people go. So what is happening here in chapter 5 is basically?

SPEAKER_02 7:05

But no, this is just the beginning. This is not even the hardening of the whole part.

SPEAKER_04 7:08

No, no, no, no, it is. Let me explain why. Because he's already predisposed that that's what he's gonna do. I'm going to predispose that everything that came out of Pharaoh's mouth from the beginning was from God. Because why would you think overworking your slaves was gonna change your mind? That's some stupid shit, and stupid shit comes from the most high. I don't care.

SPEAKER_02 7:33

I understand a little bit, but here's why I don't think this is the hardening of the hard part. Because these bitches are his slaves. First of all, they literally came out of nowhere. How did they even get an audience with the pharaohs? Like, this is a stupid story in the beginning. So, anyway, this is just dumb and just not believable. But anyway, so boom.

SPEAKER_04 7:52

Well, actually, you you I will I'm gonna push back on that because remember that Moses did grow up in the palace, so he's not necessarily a nobody.

SPEAKER_02 8:01

But he ran away 10,085 billion years.

SPEAKER_04 8:06

And I would argue that he would be able to get the audience, but he shouldn't have been able to walk away from it. Like, based on the fact that he ran.

SPEAKER_02 8:13

I okay, I get Moses, but not Aaron's audience.

SPEAKER_04 8:15

Yeah, exactly. Him coming with Moses on top of that is another quick question mark, but he could get the audience, but it just and who says and he may have grew up in a palace, but that don't mean him and Pharaoh were. No, I'm saying it's for the wrong reasons. He should have gotten the audience because he was already wanted for murder when he left.

SPEAKER_02 8:32

No, no, no, no, that was after the people that accused him passed, because that was in chapter four. No, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_04 8:39

I know that he went back after that, but what I'm saying is if the Pharaoh was in on it, that would have been the reason for him to get an audience with the Pharaoh if he knew about the murder. That could be a reason. I could give that as a reason for why he would get an audience with God.

SPEAKER_02 8:58

So boom, these two nobodies show up like, hey, Pharaoh, listen, God said that we gotta fucking leave everybody, millions of people, let us go for three days' journey so we can go praise our God, or He's gonna kill us. So you as the king, you got all these slaves, and these two bitches talking about, hey, let us go so we can go serve this guy that you don't know about. Hell yeah, be like, bitch, what you talking about? I don't know your God. And I was like, oh, oh, they crying to let them go? Okay. They and that's what Pharaoh's doing. So logically, I I can see like this ain't got nothing to do with God. This is just them puffing up their chest, and Pharaoh was like, fuck you and your guy. Okay, so y'all got all this time on your hand to talk about letting us go. Bitch, make breakfast without straw. How about that?

SPEAKER_04 9:45

So, what you're saying is that me putting it on God isn't logical. We put all the good shit on God. I can't put nothing bad on God.

SPEAKER_02 9:52

No, no, no. No, I'm saying this is actually logical thinking. So you can't put that on God. Like, you know, you know.

SPEAKER_04 9:58

That's cool, but I'm still putting it on God. That's cool. I get it. But I'm putting it on God.

SPEAKER_02 10:02

Okay. Back and forth. God was telling bitch ass Moses, look, looking at that. Pharaoh, I'm gonna harden his heart, gonna tell them people, but he did not tell them that his people are gonna suffer more before they get let free. Before they get let free, before before Pharaoh let them go. He didn't tell him that shit. He just said, Hey, I'm gonna harden his heart. He left that part out.

SPEAKER_04 10:27

Yeah, that's what I mean. I'm like, he he just left it out. Like, he's gonna make y'all do more fuck shit. More fuck shit. And I'm just like, so let me get this straight. And this is why I say you saying the Israelites have had balls, but I'm like, they had balls with the wrong one. Because as soon as they said that last part, as soon as the Lord God was like, Yeah, I want y'all to come out for a festival, or I'ma send pestilence and the sword. Pause, my nigga, you gonna send what? We just met you. The fuck you mean?

SPEAKER_02 10:56

Why are you wait a minute? Why are you gonna kill the people you trying to set free? What now? This is God. That's what you see how that how that was Pharaoh. That was a logical reason.

SPEAKER_04 11:08

This is God, illogical. Right, and that's what I'm saying. As the Israelites, that's why I say you can't say they was too bright, because that's who I'd have been questioning. Like, I'm sorry, we just met. I just learned your name. You're who again? Why are we dying? Like, I am.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

It's not even his name. He's a fucking I am.

SPEAKER_03 11:26

What?

SPEAKER_02 11:26

That's not a name, nigga.

SPEAKER_04 11:28

That's who you be. Man, this shit is it's just beyond crazy. And and like you said, and then for that guy to put that on the end, it's just like, I mean, we now are we worshiping you because we love you, or are we worshiping you because we fear you? Like, don't say you won't love when you initiate fear. The fuck? Let's be real. Let's come on, let's go.

SPEAKER_02 11:49

And this nigga told, hey, make sure you tell the pharaoh that. Like, right. This dude that thinks he first of all, first of all, it in in ancient Egypt, the pharaohs was akin to fucking Horace and them shit. So the Pharaoh thought he was God. So not only these slaves talk about, hey, bitch, we got a new person we're about to serve. Let us go. Or this new person's gonna kill us. Pharaoh, like, bitch, get out of my face and go get go make them, go make that straw. Go make them bricks.

SPEAKER_04 12:19

Yeah, like that ass. The pharaoh, like, and because we're not talking about, because we're not talking about a guy that cracked open the sky and made this announcement. He said two measly ass nobodies. A stutter and a slave. And I'm agree with you that Moses at this point was a nobody and a slave to give his message. Uh, literally, a burning bush for Moses. But I'm gonna give the Pharaoh the absolute lowest bar possible, which is, you know, speech impediment and slave. That's that's perfect for this job. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:57

That's good. That's good, right? Michael, Michael, you a please, Gabriel? Gabriel, like, dumbass, dumb ass guy. And then, like, I just can't get up. Y'all just need to understand where we're coming from. Okay, so this is the guy that forgot that for 400 years. Like, oops, okay, now I remember, bitch. I'm gonna send the stutter. Remember, remember last episode he did try to kill Moses too before the plan even got started. Got before the plan even got off the paper. Yep. He was trying to kill Moses. And now he's trying to kill him again in front of Pharaoh, talking about let my people go, or God's gonna kill us. Like, there's there's no there's no intelligence in this plan at all. I'ma kill you. Like, chaos and death.

SPEAKER_03 13:43

Chaos and death. I'll take y'all all out. What's who? Millions of people.

SPEAKER_04 13:48

No, noah's, Noah's spirit on the sideline. Talking about some nigga. I tried to warn you, bruh. I tried to warn you. Take y'all out. Who cares? Who cares? Haven't heard from you in 400 years, and the first thing you're gonna do is kill us. I'm through.

SPEAKER_02 14:04

But this is this is the the almighty powerful, wonderful. His his ways are not our ways. Damn right, because his ways are dumb as hell.

SPEAKER_04 14:12

And then they turn around and decide after, like, first of all, I the the workload was mad wild. Like, we was bringing you the grain, but now we was bringing you the straw, but now you gotta go get it yourself, and you still gotta make the same amount of bricks. Like, that is wild work. They roll up on Aaron. I'm gonna tire, I'm I'm honestly, I don't know how they didn't just throw hands. Because to me, Moses and Aaron was no better than them. Uh, we'd have ran up on them, like, bruh, shut your fucking mouth.

SPEAKER_02 14:41

How long did this happen? Because we're talking about millions of people. Okay. Pharaoh gives an order to say, hey, don't give them straw. Like, how many days is it gonna take for it to reach all the Israelites? Did they you can't?

SPEAKER_04 14:56

Yeah, I uh yeah, because they outpopulate.

SPEAKER_02 14:59

This is not taking hours.

SPEAKER_04 15:01

This is taking they want us to believe that they sent ravens to each corner of the each corner of you know how fucking big they said ravens ravens.

SPEAKER_02 15:13

And and like, okay, he's telling the officials, and then the officials telling the the Israelite officials, but I'm just saying, this is a massive amount of people. This is not like 200 people. No, I get it.

SPEAKER_04 15:25

Not even 200,000 like within 10, 20 minutes, boom, yeah, everybody knows these are millions of yeah, yeah, and they treating it like this shit all happened in 24 hours. That's exactly how they treat it.

SPEAKER_02 15:37

Ain't no way everybody all through Egypt got the command.

SPEAKER_04 15:41

Yeah, ain't no way. Ain't no way. This was at least a couple months.

SPEAKER_02 15:46

And then, okay, and then he beat the Israelite supervisor. I like slavery is fucked. I don't care if it's imaginary or not. You don't have a right to own another motherfucking humor. And now you're beating them literally to offer a stutter and a slave. Everybody else get beat. Because think this, because Moses and fucking Aaron didn't go out and get the straw.

SPEAKER_04 16:13

The straw itself should have been in storehouse. But I'm with you now. I'm looking at it at the angle of the fact that there was um over a million Israelites there and they were scattered throughout Egypt. So the message alone would have taken months for that to be the case. So are are you only doing this to the slaves in your in your palace in where you live in your in your part of Egypt? Like, there's no way it was all the slaves that was even getting this treatment in it at this point. So the other slaves who don't know nothing about Moses or Aaron or what the fuck is going on, they don't have a clue that this this uh deal is even being struck. And they they have not even been introduced to the guys.

SPEAKER_03 16:58

Because these people don't know these niggas, they don't know them. It's like they don't know Jesus. They don't know.

SPEAKER_04 17:06

The only people at this point who know of the God is Moses and Aaron. So they're getting beat for something they knew nothing even took place, they didn't even know took place. They don't know about the conversation.

SPEAKER_02 17:20

People just get beat for like people getting stripped, like, okay, so so like say the people that's that's closer to them, they're getting stripped of their straw, and they like, okay, now new rule. Pharaoh said y'all gotta go find your straw. And they like, what what did why what did we do? They didn't know Moses and Aaron went up there talking to this fool. They like niggas, what y'all doing? You have that's what I'm saying. You have brought us into bad odor, you making us smell bad, my nigga. Right.

SPEAKER_03 17:51

Pharaoh thinks we stink bad.

SPEAKER_04 17:53

It's so bad that it's like we stink. We farts around this bitch. Like, what's wrong with you? This should also read, and hands were thrown and blood was shed, because what?

SPEAKER_03 18:07

I'm sorry, I can't get over there. They ran up on Bozo Aaron's like, nigga, you gotta stinking in front of God. I'm sorry, Jada. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 18:15

No, I'm saying, and like I said, it this is missing a verse. It should say, and hands were thrown, and blood was spilt for the battle took place. Because if you don't know the nigga and you find out that the nigga is the reason why you're getting extra labor, there's nothing to be said. I'm fucking your ass up. You done got us why you done got us into some shit. That's why we stayed. Why wouldn't you come talk to us first? And we would have just told you, don't even worry about it. We good, we used to it 400 years. We don't need to change. We're good, we're absolutely fine. But you didn't come talk to us. You took your ass to Pharaoh first, you old bitch ass nigga. Like, that's what we would have got from me.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

And Aaron, you you supposed to be with us. You know how it is. Right. What where the straw at? I don't see y'all over there trying to pick some straw out of this.

SPEAKER_04 19:04

This grass is wet. Where the bricks at? Where the mud at? It's wet. You ain't been working, bitch. Blow on it. Whoop your ass with this grass. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna whoop your ass with this grass.

SPEAKER_02 19:14

Go blow on some grass and make it dry so we can make some straw, god damn it. Because y'all about where were y'all at? Where were they at though? Where were they? Because they weren't picking that straw, strolling. They was having strolling. That's all they was doing. They left and they came back and was like, hey, you guys, and then and then Moses, bitch, and this one. This is how we know that God don't fucking like Moses. Look at listen to Moses at 22. He said, then Moses said to Lord, oh my Lord, why have you mistreated? Why did you ever send me since I came to Pharaoh to speak your day? He has mistreated this people, and you've done nothing to deliver your people.

SPEAKER_03 19:54

Literally. Moses is like, what the fuck did I just get into? Literally. Like, why? I'm gonna be a good emity with the four and my boat and my baby. And then I I done followed this burning bush. I done got the clap, and now these people mad at me.

SPEAKER_02 20:10

I should have stayed with, I should have stayed with Daddy Jethro. Like you said you was gonna do the thing why you ain't do the thing.

SPEAKER_04 20:18

That's literally was it. You said you was gonna do the thing. Why you ain't do the thing? You burning bushes, you making me my hand turn into something disgusting in my pocket, you turning uh a rod into stakes, snakes. Why you letting this happen? I don't understand. Like, no, like why you say you're gonna kill us when literally by not delivering us, we might get killed doing this work. Because what? Like, you just left us out to dry. Where's the deliver, guy?

SPEAKER_02 20:48

Like, this is why you don't uproot your family off of a fever drink. I'm trying to tell you. Okay, let's move on to to chapter six. And Jada, take it away.

SPEAKER_04 20:59

So in chapter six, I'm gonna read verses one through thirteen, and I'm gonna read down to I'm gonna jump down to verse 26 because 14 through 25 is the genealogy and is too much to just read straight through.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

Then the Lord said to Moses, Now you shall see what I do to Pharaoh. Indeed, by a mighty hand, he will let them go. By a mighty hand, he will drive them out of his land. God also spoke to Moses and said to him, I am the Lord, I appear to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob as God Almighty. But by my name, the Lord, I did not make myself known to them. I also established my covenant with them to give them the land of free, the land in which they were residing as a I also heard the groaning of the Israelites, whom the Egyptians have enslaved, and I have recovered my covenants. Say, therefore, to the Israelites, I, the Lord, and I will free you from your burdens of the Egyptians and deliver you from slavery today. I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with the great heart of God. I will make you of my people and I will be your God. You shall know that I am the Lord your God, who will freed you from the burdens of the Egyptians. I will bring you into the land that I for I will give to Abraham Isaac and Jacob. I will give it to you for possession. I am the Lord.

SPEAKER_04 22:42

Moses told this to the Israelites, but they would not listen to Moses because of their broken spirit and their cruel slavery.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

Then the Lord spoke to Moses, Go and tell Pharaoh, king of Egypt, to let the Israelites go out of his land.

SPEAKER_04 22:59

But Moses spoke to the Lord, The Israelites have not listened to me. Why should Pharaoh listen to me? Poor speaker that I am. Thus the Lord spoke to Moses, and Aaron gave them orders regarding the Israelites and Pharaoh, king of Egypt, to free the Israelites from the land of Egypt. When I tell you it's repetitive for no reason, I'm not lying. God damn. That is such a ridiculous, repetitive read. Jumping down to verse 26, it was the same Aaron and Moses to whom the Lord said, Bring the Israelites out of the land of Egypt, company by company. It was they who spoke to Pharaoh, king of Egypt, to bring the Israelites out of Egypt, the same Moses and Aaron.

SPEAKER_00 23:49

On the day when the Lord spoke to Moses in the land of Egypt, the Lord said to Moses, I am the Lord. Tell Pharaoh, king of Egypt, all that I am speaking to you.

SPEAKER_04 24:03

But Moses said to the Lord, Since I am a poor speaker, why should Pharaoh listen to me? End this scene. My gosh.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

Jada, I gee. I know it's a horror read.

SPEAKER_04 24:16

Once again, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 24:18

What are we doing? What are we doing, Jada? Why are we repeating the same shit in four? What is this patent essay about? Like, literally in fours. Listen to this diabolical shit. Like when you were reading, I was just shaking my head because he said verse 3 I appear to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob as God Almighty. But by my name, the Lord, I did not make myself known to them.

SPEAKER_03 24:43

You promised these bitches land, milk, and honey. Like a whole fucking nation, but you're telling them who you are? What?

SPEAKER_04 24:53

I'm still trying to figure out how there's a differentiation between Lord and God for this nigga. Like, why does it matter at this point? If you but because they don't know who you are anyway. Like they don't know who you are. So what was Abraham and them doing? What was they gonna tell them? They generations behind these niggas. They are four, four, forefathers, okay? Like, we're 400 years behind them, and and you come in here talking about they knew me as God, but not as Lord, but I'm both. Like, why the fuck did it even matter? Uh but but no, but but for you. But for you for sure, it's just I am.

SPEAKER_02 25:39

It's just I am. I'm it's just I am. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And then, okay, so verse 8 is diabolical too. I need y'all to peep this. I will bring you into the land that I swore to give Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Why wasn't they in that land?

SPEAKER_04 25:55

Literally, they were there as refuge as aliens. They resided there as aliens. Why didn't you give it to them then? Why didn't they get to see it? Why do they get the promise and we don't even know who you are? How about that? They don't even know who you is. Like, why wouldn't you at least, why wouldn't you, who was supposed to have all, you know, knowing and and a mind outside of time, why wouldn't you make sure we had that message going forward? Even if we was gonna wait this long, why wouldn't we at least get the message?

SPEAKER_02 26:25

Fucking Abraham, Jada, fucking Abraham left all he knew for this fever dream. Yep. And you your bitch ass couldn't even tell him who you were. Right. You made that nigga, you made that nigga almost sacrifice his son for you. And you still you ain't tell you didn't tell him who you were. Okay.

unknown 26:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 26:43

It wasn't important then. It's important now for some reason. That's what I was saying. It wasn't important then. What the hell?

SPEAKER_02 26:48

Like this guy, y'all can't tell me this is any type of intelligence that's in this this fucking guy. He's dumb as a box of fucking no rocks are smarter. And these rocks will just stay there. Right and be quiet.

SPEAKER_04 27:03

A rock would have heard this shit and been like, that was crazy.

SPEAKER_02 27:06

This is crazy.

SPEAKER_04 27:07

That's it. That's it. He wouldn't have done nothing else.

SPEAKER_02 27:11

And then he said, Oh, well, since y'all enslaved, that's how I remember my. So you forgot your covenant with them? Why does God keep forgetting shit?

SPEAKER_04 27:19

Again. Them lotus flowers. I'm trying to tell you, he be even there like Snoop Dogg, poof, oof. Breeze, breeze. Like, that's that's he was gone. Off them lotus cookies and flowers. Like I'm trying to tell you, he was gone.

SPEAKER_02 27:33

I ain't making, I ain't making fun of nobody with Alzheimer's. That see now that got that disease. God, God got a touch of the Alzheimer's. He said, He got a touch of the C now.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

You saying God see now.

SPEAKER_02 27:51

I just think he don't get no. But but okay, when people that have the You know how they can get aggressive, like when they they forget, and then, you know, because they don't remember who you are, and then they see you and they like, ah, that's God. You know what I'm saying? You're like, ah, that's wrong. So now he wants blood because he's confused.

SPEAKER_04 28:15

And they can be like, Why is my finger itching? Why is this ribbon here?

SPEAKER_02 28:19

Because that's why, because he remembered he never told Jacob and them his name.

SPEAKER_04 28:24

And with the covenant, because he forgot. With the covenant, this He forgot about the covenant.

SPEAKER_03 28:29

He forgot about the blood.

SPEAKER_04 28:30

He went to scratch his ear and the string scratch tickled his ear. He was like, What the fuck? Oh shit. I just don't imagine. I mean, for someone see now, old idiot. For someone who wants the worship, it makes no sense that he forgets about the covenants that he forced upon people. Like, bruh. Abraham wasn't looking for your ass when you showed up. Moses wasn't looking for your ass when you showed up. The Israelites wasn't looking for your ass when you showed up. Yet here you are threatening chaos and death.

SPEAKER_05 29:04

I don't understand. I don't get it.

SPEAKER_02 29:06

Because you know, he like, because he didn't do nothing. He didn't stop Pharaoh's hand from like, look, bitch, don't do that to them. He can make shit appear out of thin air, but he can't make straw so his people won't be so cruel. And then when they be like, we don't know this bitch, we don't know this guy. He'd be like, I'm the god of, I don't care who you the god of, bitch.

SPEAKER_04 29:25

Give me some straw. And even though I also agree with the logical explanation, this is why I was putting God on it because I was just like, Pharaoh could have just been like, get the fuck out of here and let every day just like he could have just been like, I don't even know why to like if he wasn't gonna kill them, like a Pharaoh probably would have in real time, in real life, but if he wasn't gonna do that, he could have just been like, Man, get your fucking ass on up out of here. What you been sniffing? I don't want none of that shit. Don't bring it in here no more. And it could just been the end of it. Like, he didn't even have to make it so bad. That's why I was like, that had to be some God's shit because he likes chaos. I know, I know, no, you don't have to clean it up. I agree with you. I'm just leaving it there. I'm just giving you a little bit more of why I throw God on that, why I'm putting it on him.

SPEAKER_02 30:08

No, no, I wasn't even gonna say about that. This isn't saying Pharaoh that was killing all the kids.

SPEAKER_04 30:13

Well, yeah, so okay. I'm not saying he is all that. Okay, well then fine.

SPEAKER_02 30:18

I'll retract it all.

SPEAKER_04 30:20

I'll retract that all.

SPEAKER_02 30:21

That's that's why that's why God can play with him, because he he got he ain't he ain't all there. See, God can't mess with you when you're mentally sound, he messed with the the the mental feeble, the feebly mental people. That's why bitches be doing stuff off of Phoebe dreams. Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, fucking Moses. Right. No Phoebe Dreams, Joseph, feebly dreams. They feeble in the mind. It's mush, it's smooth brain. They got smooth brain activity going on. Ain't no curves, ain't no lumps. They're smooth as Jesus ain't.

SPEAKER_04 30:57

Smoother than David's ready body.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

Okay, so Jada, come on now. Let's get it. Okay, so Jada did talk about 14 through 25 because it's the genealogy. But Jada, you wanna tell the people what we find out with the genealogy of Moses and Aaron?

SPEAKER_04 31:14

Oh, yeah. No, first of all, there's just way too many people for them to have who was keeping record. Okay, I'm sorry. I had to get that out because it's the amount of. Especially when they was killing the boys. That's the part. Like when they was throwing babies into the river. Like, literally, who was keeping record of this lineage? Because and and this is for the overall book. It's just amazing how we can get this level of detail about something that they could have easily just summed up with the descendants of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. We give 10, no, 11 verses of lineage. Like that's if that's wild work for me. But part of the lineage that quite literally made me gasp was when I found out who Abraham and Aaron, I'm sorry, who Aaron and Moses' mother and father was. Because his father is Amram, and he married his aunt, Josebet. So the the genealogy that I got to that really struck me is the fact that Moses and Aaron's parents would be a nephew and an aunt that would make Aaron and Moses cousin, brother, nephews. So, you know, the fever dreams were starting to make sense.

SPEAKER_02 32:42

Inset city, y'all. They they kissing cousins, brothers, and nephews, all all the bloodline is so close, they eye still.

SPEAKER_04 32:52

Yeah. And you're not gonna convince and and then this is another thing. There's a lot of women names here, which I find also hilarious because we keeping track of these randoms, but we can't keep track of the women who gave birth to Samson or Right, right. But these these bitches, these bitches are worth naming.

SPEAKER_02 33:17

Like now we care, now we care about women that are slaves because this is you know, 400. They they slaves. They've been in Egypt for 400 years. They all slaves. They slaves.

SPEAKER_04 33:27

They're all slaves.

SPEAKER_02 33:29

Okay. When do we start counting out slave names?

SPEAKER_04 33:31

But okay. I'm just yeah, I'm gonna say, when were people keeping this kind of record on slaves? Like, I didn't nah, bruh.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

Right, names and genealogies and shit. But yeah, Moses and Aaron's brother, cousin, nephews. Like, they just all all all in the family and shit. So, like Jada said, this is why Moses can't talk right, because he probably got that Hasberb jaw that protrudes. So that's why Moses was slow and slow in speech. He would he just because he was the baby. Yeah, he was the baby too, right? Yeah, he was a baby. He was young, he's younger than Miriam and uh Aaron. So, you know, that bloodline is too close. Like, yeah. Your new aunt and nephew just I can only imagine the age difference.

SPEAKER_04 34:20

Oh, and that's the other thing. Jumping back into that. Yeah, no, it's gross no matter what, to me, because it's family. But then the age difference also makes it even slimier. But then we jump down, speaking of ages, I'm pretty sure that when God was talking to Noah, he told them that humans weren't gonna live past 120. Yet we get down to verse 18, and Koath's life, who is the father of Amram span, was 133 years, and his brother, uh his life, Amram, and I'm sorry, not his brother, his son Amram's life happens to be 100 and 137 years.

SPEAKER_02 35:00

137. Well, that's that's more than 120, right? If I count all my fingers and toes, that's more than 120, right?

SPEAKER_04 35:08

So that's just once again, you putting a cap on something, you're not gonna keep the cap off. Like, it's it's crazy work there. Like, I This guy's an idiot.

SPEAKER_02 35:17

Stupid, he lies, he forgets his shit, he promises shit he can't deliver on. He makes his people suffer, his favorite color is red. He's just an asshole all around. He loves the smell of burnt flesh, like it's just God, why? I I'm not I'm not gonna go there. Don't we don't attack the faith. I just want to know why. Like when you read the Bible, like when you really start reading the Bible, you start seeing this bullshit and you start hearing the stuff that's being brought out. That's why why? Why, sir.

SPEAKER_04 35:53

Well, and and for me, for me, I will speak because I used to be. I can speak as a Christian turned agnostic at this point, and I will say unequivocally, it is because I was afraid of hell. And the way Bible verses were used with me growing up, I didn't think I was gonna find anything in there pleasant anyway. And it's turning out I was right. Just, I mean, just I'm just like blood and gore. I mean, Quentin Tarantino, Zach Snyder, none of them got shit on this because what chaos and death.

SPEAKER_02 36:34

I meant to say Zach Snyder, I say it rip Snyder. It's just crazy. I mean, I can I know like when I was serving the sweet baby Jesus, like I didn't know these verses existed because I didn't read. But what I'm saying is like, once you read this shit, like if I hadn't read this, I'm I'm hoping that old Christian G spot would have been like, this is a bullshit.

SPEAKER_04 36:56

Agreed, agreed 100%. I believe 100% that if I would have cracked this book open for real and not started, like, because when I was reading the Bible, I was reading the fun parts of Hebrew, Ephesians, Psalms, you know, when I did start reading. Like before that, I was always getting the Ten Commandments thrown in my face and you know, spare the rod, spoil the child. Those were the verses, those kind of verses, and and and how lying is a sin. Think about the children's stories that you're told. You're told the basic good parts of all these stories, and that's what you get to lean on when you go to read this book because you've already been told that Moses told Pharaoh to let my people go. That's literally a song. Go down Moses, way down in Egypt, tell Pharaoh, let my people go. I mean, you grow up singing that song in church. Then when you get ready to read about it, you already have been told that God freed these people. So you kind of read this, like you said, with the rose-colored glasses, because it's kind of like, okay, but let's get to the good stuff, because I know the end is good. I know the end is good, reinforcing that all things work together for the good of those. Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 38:21

So you forget all this that they was fucking aunties and aunties and death.

SPEAKER_04 38:26

I'm telling you, you don't look at the fact that they was fucking aunties, you don't look at the fact that that nigga disappeared for 400 years, you don't look at the fact that that nigga quite literally came back and just threatened death. Like, you worship me or die.

SPEAKER_02 38:39

Like, you don't look at the fact that he didn't fucking like Moses, gave him the stutter. It's like, bitch, I gave you the stutter. Right. That he tried to kill Moses, right?

SPEAKER_04 38:50

Tried to kill Moses. Moses trying to be like, bruh, I was fine. Why are you here? Why do you keep trying me? I didn't know what I did. Like, you know, it's just you don't see all that. So I that's why I say you don't even have to talk about it because I get it.

SPEAKER_02 39:05

One thing we would say is let my people go. Like Pharaoh's like, and then and then like the diabolical part for me in in this episode is well, there's a bunch, but then the the the main one is that he told Moses, yeah, I'm God Almighty, and I I promise all this shit to Abraham, Isaac, and but I never told him who I was.

unknown 39:31

I did all this shit.

SPEAKER_02 39:32

I told him they can have all this land, but I never told him who I was.

SPEAKER_04 39:37

It's just it's crazy. And for me, it's just that it's the fact that he has to differentiate it. Like, that's the part for me. They supposed to be interchangeable. Why does it matter now? Why does it matter now, sir? Like, we don't even know you. It's not gonna make a bit of fucking difference for us. You that nigga that's getting us extra motherfucking work. That's who you are right now.

SPEAKER_02 40:00

Exactly. Exactly. And Moses, dumbfounded, he don't know what to do because he don't he done moved his family, moved his comfortable life off of a fever dream, and the fever dream making him rub his titty, and now he thinks he got some power. And now he in front of Pharaoh looking like an all-day sucker. And God just like, well, I told Abraham and them, I'm gonna give them the lamp, but I'm gonna give it to y'all. Like, bitch, they didn't see the lamp. How do I know that you're gonna give it to me if you didn't even give it to the bitch you promised it to? Why are we over here and not over here?

SPEAKER_04 40:34

And it's almost like they expected their readers to be just as simple-minded as them because verse 26 repeats it's verse 26 and verse 27 are just two extremely repetitive verses about some shit that we've already said repetitively in three chapters.

SPEAKER_02 40:51

Like that we know it was Aaron and Moses, Jada. That's that's how you can tell this. It can't be the same writer, and this fucking can't be the fucking same story. It just it can't be.

SPEAKER_04 41:02

But you know what you also could tell? You could tell they was high as fuck writing this shit because what? Just in case you weren't sure that Moses and Adam was the same. Moses and Adam that talked to Pharaoh, he also talked to God that talked Aaron. I said, what I say, Adam. Moses and Pharaoh twice. You said uh Adam. You said Moses and Aaron, Adam. That's fine. Me and A names on it. And they literally sitting there high as fuck talking about just in case you weren't sure that Moses and Aaron was the same Moses and Aaron that was talking to Moses and they like like what? Talking about that's them. That's still right there. I'll put it. Just in case you weren't sure, that's them.

SPEAKER_02 41:39

It's the same one. That's them. I'll put it right there. I'll put it right there. So we have reached the end of this episode. Listen, yeah, get ready because we got more to come. And me and Jada are going to go forth and tell our non-employed lawyers to let us go.

SPEAKER_04 41:59

I want a fucking festival. Okay? I want a festival. Oh no, I'm pulling a guy. No, I want a festival. And if you don't give me a festival, I'm gonna kill you.

SPEAKER_02 42:09

I want to just tell an invisible person to let us go, because why not? We just telling people to let people go. Hey, let my people go. Who your people? We don't know, just let them go. Let them go.

SPEAKER_04 42:26

I I I love going through these with UG because without you, I would only have one brain cell. So I mean, thank you. Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_02 42:38

I just I just crack open a book. Take a look. It's in the book.

SPEAKER_04 42:43

The fucking Bible. If you have any questions, please take it up with you, God, not us. Peace, love, and laugh. Bye.