Loneli-ADHD: When Your Brain Makes Being Social Extra Hard

Loneliness affects up to 90% of people with ADHD, creating significant health impacts and exacerbating negative outcomes already associated with the condition. Authentic connections and practical strategies can help overcome isolation and build relationships that truly nourish us despite the social challenges that ADHD can present.
In this episode:
• Loneliness is defined as emotional discomfort when social connection needs aren't met
• Research shows lonely people process the world differently, increasing isolation
• People with ADHD often feel misunderstood, leading to loneliness
• Positive relationships make us healthier, happier, and less stressed
•Former Surgeon General Murthy's 5-for-5 challenge: five connection actions in five days
• Managing ADHD symptoms that affect relationship-building requires strategic approaches
• Authenticity in relationships takes less energy than masking and creates stronger connections
• Dr Stephanie Cocioppo's GRACE method: Gratitude, Reciprocity, Altruism, Choice, and Enjoy
• Journaling and healthy coping skills help manage loneliness

I know your time is valuable, so I hope you found something useful here and that you'll like, follow or subscribe.

Chapters

• 0:00 The Loneliness Epidemic and ADHD
• 0:53 Impact and Importance of Connection
• 1:40 The 5-4-5 Challenge for Connection
• 2:37 Authenticity and Building Relationships
• 3:21 GRACE: Practical Steps Against Loneliness

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

There is a loneliness epidemic in the US, and it hits people with ADHD especially hard. Depending on the demographic, from 30% to almost 90% of us report feeling lonely. Loneliness is the emotional discomfort someone feels when their need for social connection is not met. Research shows that lonely people process the world in a unique way, and we know that seeing the world differently from the people around us can lead to a sense of isolation. Many of us with ADHD spend a good portion of our lives feeling misunderstood, so it follows that many of us feel lonely, at least some of the time. I'm Alex Delmar, a certified life coach and person with ADHD. Welcome to Thoroughly ADHD, where I share what I've learned to help other people with ADHD enjoy better lives. Of course, some of us are introverted or prefer being alone, but there are people with ADHD who feel lonely and might not pursue relationships because we've had bad experiences or we fear rejection, or we're exhausted or we just don't know where to start. But loneliness is important for us to address because it exacerbates the negative outcomes already associated with untreated ADHD, ranging from dropping out of school to self-harming behaviors and addictions, right up to increased mortality from all causes. On the other hand, engaging in positive relationships makes us healthier, happier and less stressed.

Speaker 1: 1:40

If you want to connect with others, the US Surgeon General has proposed a 5-4-5 challenge. Make a commitment to do five actions in five days. Do one action of choice each day for five days, for example, to say thanks or offer support to someone. Write down your plan so you don't forget it. Then reflect and share how connecting made you feel. Don't skip this step. In general, be open to new people and experiences. Go places. You'll meet people who you'll probably like and ask for and share contact info with people you might like to know better. Then here's the clincher you have to follow up. Remember. Poor executive function and other characteristics of ADHD can impact your relationships at every stage, but you can manage these behaviors, just like your other ADHD symptoms. Put the time in to think about where you are hitting hurdles. Try different strategies to work around them. Pay attention to the results and then keep the ones that went well. Tweak the ones that got you closer to your goal and dump those that didn't work for you.

Speaker 1: 2:57

It's possible to be surrounded by people but still feel lonely if the relationships are based on you masking or pretending to fit in. So staying authentic is key to building strong relationships that nourish you. An added benefit of being your authentic self is that it takes much less energy to be around other people While you are building new relationships. Here are some best practices for dealing with loneliness. You are building new relationships. Here are some best practices for dealing with loneliness Journaling to try to understand what you want and what you are afraid of and to figure out next steps.

Speaker 1: 3:35

Learn healthy coping skills like engaging in exercise, music, art, meditation or time in nature. And Stephanie Cacioppo at the University of Chicago recommends a set of actions to improve your emotional well-being, represented by the acronym GRACE. They are gratitude every day, make note of five things you truly appreciate. Reciprocity if you know someone else who feels lonely, ask them for help or advice. Altruism help others or share your knowledge. Choice loneliness can be self-fulfilling. So shift your mindset and enjoy. Smile and share good times or good news with people. Smile and share good times or good news with people. I'm Alex Delmar and this has been Thoroughly ADHD. I know your time is valuable, so I hope you found something useful here and that you'll like follow or subscribe.