Thoroughly ADHD
I'm Alex Delmar, a certified ADHD coach and person with ADHD. I'm here to share what I've learned so other people with ADHD can enjoy better lives!
Thoroughly ADHD
Your ADHD Doesn't Have to Sabotage Your Social Life
People with ADHD often struggle in relationships because common symptoms like time blindness, emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, and forgetfulness can make us seem unreliable or self-centered. By developing specific strategies and increasing self-awareness, we can overcome these challenges to build lasting connections with others.
• Be punctual by using calendars, alarms, and dedicated planning time for social engagements
• Combat memory issues by keeping notes about important people in your life
• Maintain regular contact through scheduled meetups and one-on-one time with loved ones
• Reciprocate invitations with simple, short, and active gatherings
• Monitor your behavior during conversations – speak less, listen more, and think of conversation as a tennis match
• Pay attention to common ADHD social challenges like volume modulation, personal space, and interrupting
• Look for quality relationships over quantity
• Have an escape plan ready when you notice your own emotional red flags
For tips on meeting new friends, check out last week's episode of Thoroughly ADHD, "Loneli-ADHD: When Your Brain Makes Socializing Extra Hard."
I know your time is valuable, so I hope you found something useful here. Like, follow, or subscribe and come back next Tuesday. Thanks for listening!
People in good relationships are healthier, happier and less stressed. But those of us with ADHD can be like the proverbial bull in a china shop, crashing our way through our interactions with others. We might be loud, run over people in conversation, break people's trust and leave chaos in our wake. Sometimes we're not doing anything. In fact we're completely tuned out but the result is the same we alienate others by seeming unreliable and self-centered. But if we can improve our awareness of our behavior and how it is being received by others, we can improve our interactions and build relationships that last. Welcome to Thoroughly ADHD. I'm Alex Delmar, a certified life coach and person with ADHD. I'm here to share what I've learned to help others with ADHD enjoy better lives.
Speaker 1:Many common symptoms of ADHD interfere with the ability to maintain relationships. Issues with time, big emotions, impulsivity and forgetfulness can make people think we don't care about them or just flat out make us unlikable. The most fundamental skill you can develop in relating to others is to stop being late. To pull that off. We can counter deficits in time management and forward planning by making use of calendars, alarms and routine planning periods for socializing, just like we do for work or for school. People will remember how you make them feel. And besides showing up on time, one way to make them feel valued is to remember important details about the people you meet. To counter weak memory, you can keep notes on stuff like their spouse's name or a hobby they enjoy, then add to the list as you get to know them better and review your notes to prepare some appropriate questions and conversation topics right before you talk to them. Next, you should make frequent, regular contact. So often we don't realize how long it's been since we spend time with someone. To avoid the trap of letting relationships lapse because you forgot about them for too long, add connect with people to your daily or weekly routine, including standing meetups with the ones closest to you, for instance, coffee with your best friends, date night with your significant other and one-on-one time with your kids. If you're super busy, take advantage of brief periods or while doing tasks like running errands just to touch base with friends or extended family.
Speaker 1:One aspect of the social contract that seems to be really hard for people with ADHD is to reciprocate invitations. Maybe it's the pressure of planning or the risk of rejection, but if you want to keep being invited to things, you need to return the favor. You don't need to replicate what someone else did. It's fine to offer something different, but it's best to keep the group small and keep the event casual, simple and short. If possible, do something active, for instance, a walk at a nearby nature preserve, followed by an easy tailgate picnic lunch.
Speaker 1:When you are with other people, lean into your strengths and, in general, be positive. Be authentic. Ask them about themselves and their opinions. Give them a chance to answer and actually listen when they speak. Think of your conversation like a friendly game of tennis and lob the ball back into the other person's court. Be aware also of your weak points and try to self-monitor and adjust if necessary.
Speaker 1:Common problem areas for people with ADHD include modulating volume, respecting personal space, talking too much and blurting out careless remarks. Pay attention to cues from the people around you and be ready to offer a sincere apology if you accidentally offend someone. Also, it's best to have an escape plan and pay attention to your own emotions and red flags so you recognize when you should use it. It's important to look for quality over quantity in your relationships. It's better to risk a little time on your own than waste your energy and sacrifice your well-being to hang with people who consistently push your boundaries, always take and never give or make you feel bad about yourself. If you'd like some tips on how to make new friends, check out last week's episode of Thoroughly ADHD titled Lonely ADHD when your Brain Makes being Extra Social. Nope, that's not it. It's when your Brain Makes being Social Extra Hard. I'm Alex Delamar and this has been Thoroughly ADHD. I know your time is valuable, so I hope you found something useful here and that you'll like follow or subscribe and come back next Tuesday. Thanks for listening.