Emotional Waves: Navigating Discouragement with ADHD

Managing ADHD requires regulating emotions and building resilience, especially when discouragement threatens to derail our progress. While seeking external validation for our ADHD management efforts often leads to disappointment, the real benefits come from the improvements we experience in our own lives.

• Use the STOP method for emotional regulation: Stop impulsive reactions, Take a breath, Observe thoughts without judgment, Proceed mindfully

• Practice 7-11 breathing to physically calm your nervous system (inhale for 7, hold for 7, exhale for 11)

• Acknowledge and label emotions without judgment to reduce their overwhelming power

• Reframe negative self-talk with kinder, more constructive alternatives

• Identify emotional triggers to better prepare for challenging situations

• Develop healthy coping mechanisms like exercise, journaling, or talking with trusted friends

• Consider seeking professional help from therapists who specialize in ADHD

I know your time is valuable, so I hope you found this useful and that you'll like, follow, subscribe and let us know how you're doing in the comments, and come back next Tuesday to learn about building resilience.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Emotional Regulation
• 1:21 My Personal Discouragement Story
• 1:47 The STOP Method Explained
• 3:33 Managing Triggers and Coping Mechanisms
• 5:07 Episode Wrap and Next Week Preview

Transcript

Alex Delmar: 0:00

There are two elements that work together to help us sustain our efforts to manage our ADHD symptoms. They are to regulate emotions and to build resilience, and I'm covering them because I need a refresher. Today I'll talk about emotional regulation and then look at how to build resilience next Tuesday. I was feeling extremely discouraged the other day. A couple of friends of mine had made some negative remarks and I took it badly, wondering why am I trying so hard to stay on top of my ADHD if it doesn't make a difference to anyone, anyway? And after hosting a dramatic pity party for myself, I remembered it does make a difference to me. Among other things, I like having a mostly clean house and mostly knowing where my things are and mostly being in the right place at the right time, and I remember when all those things were mostly not true, but for just a little while I felt like giving up on everything, because having ADHD is exhausting and expecting to get kudos from someone else for the extra work you put in is a surefire way to be disappointed. I'm Alex Delmar, a certified ADHD coach and person with ADHD. Welcome to Thoroughly ADHD, where I share what I've learned to help other people with ADHD enjoy better lives.

Alex Delmar: 1:37

Discouragement kills motivation, and that's the last thing we need after working so hard on developing strategies to compensate for our executive function deficits. So let's start with emotional regulation. If you have ADHD, you probably know that emotions can feel big, intense, overwhelming and sometimes a sudden tsunami. Negative feelings like discouragement can hit hard and fast. So how do we get better at surfing those emotional waves? You can use the acronym STOP to remember what to do. S is for stop instead of reacting impulsively. Stop instead of reacting impulsively. T for take a breath, o observe your thoughts without judgment. And P proceed mindfully. First, pause and breathe when you feel any strong negative emotion creeping in. Try 7-11 breathing. Inhale for a count of seven, hold for seven, then exhale slowly for 11. This physically calms your nervous system and gives your brain a moment to catch up.

Alex Delmar: 2:55

Next, acknowledge and label your feelings. Don't judge them, just identify them. I'm feeling frustrated or this is disappointment? Naming the emotion can take away some of its power. It helps you recognize it's a feeling you're experiencing, not who you are. Then reframe self-talk. Our inner voice can be our harshest critic, especially with ADHD. So we need to cultivate realistic, hopeful thinking patterns.

Alex Delmar: 3:33

Instead of saying I failed again, I'm useless. Try something kinder, like okay, that didn't go as planned. What can I learn from this? What's one small step I can take now? Treat yourself with the same compassion you'd offer a friend. You wouldn't tell your friend they're useless, would you? Also identify your triggers. What situations, what thoughts, what interactions consistently lead to those intense emotional responses? Once you know your triggers, you can start to anticipate them, prepare for them or even strategically avoid them.

Alex Delmar: 4:18

Finally, use healthy coping mechanisms to process and release big emotions. This could be something like a brisk walk, journaling, listening to music, talking to a trusted friend or engaging in your favorite hobby. And please, if you're struggling, consider professional help. Therapists, especially those who specialize in ADHD, can provide you invaluable tools, like CBT for emotional regulation.

Alex Delmar: 4:53

So, to recap, managing discouragement with ADHD means actively working on emotional regulation and building resilience, which I'll cover next Tuesday. These aren't quick fixes, but consistent practice will lead to profound shifts. I'm Alex Delmar and this has been Thoroughly ADHD. I know your time is valuable, so I hope you found this useful and that you'll like follow, subscribe and let us know how you're doing in the comments, and come back next Tuesday to learn about building resilience. Thank you.