Thoroughly ADHD
I'm Alex Delmar, a certified ADHD coach and person with ADHD. I'm here to share what I've learned so other people with ADHD can enjoy better lives!
Thoroughly ADHD
Finding Your Tribe with ADHD
Healthy relationships benefit our mental and physical well-being, but ADHD can make us susceptible to toxic relationships. We need to consciously seek supportive companions who raise the bar for us while avoiding people who take advantage or drag us down.
• People with ADHD tend to trust too quickly and rush into relationships with the wrong people
• Avoid black and white thinking by recognizing there are many points between "not a friend" and "best friend"
• Curb the impulse to invest all energy in one person by making multiple connections
• Take time to really get to know someone before declaring yourselves best friends
• Develop personal guidelines for making friends by recognizing past relationship patterns
• Increase chances of meeting like-minded people by joining groups around your interests
• Channel your "inner six-year-old" by approaching people, introducing yourself, and asking relevant questions
• Seek out familiar faces at recurring events and greet people by name
• Suggest related activities to deepen connections organically
• Most people will remain acquaintances or activity-specific friends, which is valuable too
For more strategies, consult a therapist specializing in ADHD, an ADHD coach, or join an ADHD support group. Like, follow, subscribe, and come back next Tuesday!
Healthy relationships have a ton of benefits for our mental and physical well-being, but some aspects of ADHD can make us more susceptible to toxic relationships. This means that if you have ADHD, you need to consciously seek out companions who are supportive and empathetic, but raise the bar for you and actively avoid people who take advantage, get in your way and drag you down. You might need to find better friends, and this week I'm going to tell you how you can do that. I'm Alex Delmar, a certified ADHD coach and person with ADHD. Welcome to Thoroughly ADHD, where I share what I've learned to help other people with ADHD enjoy better lives.
Alex Delmar:People with ADHD have the tendency to trust too quickly and rush into relationships with the wrong people, but there are some steps you can take to slow things down. Avoid black and white thinking by remembering there are a lot of points on the scale between not a friend and best friend. Curb the impulse to invest all your energy in one person by making lots of connections and showing yourself that there are an abundance of potential friends out there in the world. And, most importantly, take the time to really get to know someone in that sweet spot between making their acquaintance and declaring yourselves best friends. Especially if you've run into trouble in the past, it's wise to develop guidelines for yourself around making friends. This requires recognizing any bad habits you've developed. You can build awareness by asking yourself questions like if you've had any potential relationships that didn't get off the ground, why did that happen? If you've had any relationships that took off like a rocket but then imploded, what do you think happened there? What was different about your good relationships?
Alex Delmar:If you notice any patterns, come up with a plan to address them. You can lay out some restrictions, like not contacting the person every day to avoid moving too fast, and some must- dos, like asking to exchange socials or phone numbers to avoid missed opportunities. The higher the number of potential friends you interact with, the more likely you are to meet someone who genuinely likes you and whose values align with yours. You can increase your chances of meeting like-minded people by getting involved in groups or taking lessons that revolve around the things you are most interested in, but it's possible to meet people just about anywhere. I can assure you this is true because I do that!
Alex Delmar:Some situations permit small talk throughout, but if that's not appropriate, make sure you show up early enough that there's time to chat with people beforehand. . Just channel your inner six-year-old. Approach people who look interesting, introduce yourself, ask their name and ask if they want to play. I'm kidding, but you should ask a pertinent question like"I'm I'm new here, how about you? Or I love dogs, but my partner's allergic. What drew you to volunteer here? Or I love this band. Have you seen them before?
Alex Delmar:Some people will ignore you or escape at the earliest opportunity. Don't pay them any mind. They're certainly not giving you a second thought. But anyone who answers you and asks you a follow-up question has potential. Talk to them for a few minutes, but don't waterboard them with your life story. Try to learn something about them.
Alex Delmar:Every time you return to this venue, seek out the familiar faces, smile, make eye contact and greet people by name at the beginning, and say goodbye to them at the end. It makes other people feel important and shows them that you're open to making friends.
Alex Delmar:As you get to know someone better, you may discover they aren't really your cup of tea, and that's fine. Because you moved slowly it is easy to remain cordial when you cross paths, without there being any additional expectations or hurt feelings.
Alex Delmar:If there's a person who seems especially friendly and the situation in which you see each other is ending, or you'd just like to get to know them better, you You can suggest doing something related so you can build the relationship organically. For example, if you're learning a foreign language together, you might say, "this this beginner French was great, we should take the intermediate class. Or hey, do you want to practice together at the cafe over the break? Or"there's there's a French film playing downtown. Do you want to go see it?
Alex Delmar:Most of the people you meet are going to remain acquaintances or activity-specific friends. That's great news, because you need them, too! A friendly face increases your sense of belonging, makes the activity more enjoyable, increases the likelihood you'll stick with it, and you can help each other reach goals.
Alex Delmar:Remember, the more people you meet, the more likely you are to connect with potential friends. Engage in activities you enjoy or would be doing anyway, and introduce yourself to everyone. Take your time to get to know people better and help the relationship grow if you want to build a deeper connection. Have fun with this!
Alex Delmar:If you want more of these strategies, consult a therapist who specializes in ADHD behaviors, an ADHD coach like me, or join an ADHD support group. I'm Alex Delmar and this has been Thoroughly ADHD. Your time is valuable, so I hope you found this useful and that you'll like follow, subscribe. Let us know how you're doing in the comments and come back next Tuesday. Good luck, now get on out there!.