Choose Meaning Over Mayhem: Enjoy the Holidays with ADHD

Holidays can overwhelm ADHD brains; here is a practical framework to plan earlier, simplify tasks, and protect energy instead of chasing perfection. Alex describes concrete steps to pick core traditions, delegate with confidence, and keep routines steady so joy comes through.

• drivers of holiday overwhelm for ADHD
• plan early 
• write and keep a usable plan
• protect routines and add flex time
• choose core people, traditions, and activities
• say no to low-value events
• delegate, simplify, and use shortcuts
• share the workload at home
• shift perspective when plans go wrong
• manage ADHD symptoms with sleep, food, movement, and mindfulness 
• key takeaways and next steps in the series

If you found this useful, come back next Tuesday for tips about making the most of those holiday get togethers!

Chapters

• 0:00 Why Holidays Overwhelm ADHD Brains
• 0:40 Coach Alex Sets The Agenda
• 0:56 Plan Early And Right-Size Expectations
• 1:49 Build A Written Plan You’ll Use
• 2:55 Protect Routines And Time Budgeting
• 3:31 Choose What Matters Most
• 4:37 Delegate, Simplify, And Share The Load
• 6:08 Regulate Reactions And Keep Perspective
• 6:25 Sleep, Food, Movement, Mindfulness
• 7:00 Key Takeaways And What’s Next

Transcript

Alex Delmar: 0:00

If you have ADHD, you might have a complicated relationship with the holidays. The festive atmosphere entails a lot of additional sensory input. Holiday parties involve social pitfalls. The high expectations placed on time with family and friends can be anxiety-inducing. Altogether, I used to find this time of year the perfect storm of overwhelm, exhaustion, and even meltdowns that made forming happy memories seem like an unrealistic goal at best. Then I found out there are things I can do to help make holidays less stressful and more fun.

Alex Delmar: 0:40

I'm Alex Delmar, a certified ADHD coach and person with ADHD. Welcome to Thoroughly ADHD, where I share what I've learned to help other people with ADHD enjoy better lives, even during the holidays. This is part one of a three-part series, and today I'll cover how planning and preparation can improve your holiday experience.

Alex Delmar: 1:05

The earlier you start your preparations, the better. Though it's common for people with ADHD to put things off, waiting until the last minute in this case will be too late. Everything takes much longer around the holidays, popular items sell out, and some businesses have reduced hours. Waiting sets you up to spend the whole holiday mad at yourself.

Alex Delmar: 1:33

When we do plan ahead, people with ADHD tend to put very high expectations on ourselves and come up with ambitious ideas that, given the limitations of the space-time continuum, are unfortunately impossible to accomplish. So to prepare, you'll need to figure out not just what you need to do, but also how much time you'll need to do it, when it can be done, and to increase the chances you'll follow through, who you can do it with, plus any other ways you can make things more fun or interesting, and how you can trick your brain into feeling a sense of urgency well before the actual deadline. The process might sound like a drag, but doing this work up front will make everything else less painful.

Alex Delmar: 2:26

You'll want to stick to your normal routine as much as possible and work any additional responsibilities and events around it. Be realistic about what you can accomplish in a day and leave some flex time. It takes a little practice, but you can get there. Write everything down and keep your plan in a format you can easily refer to throughout the day, revise as needed, and that you cannot misplace.

Alex Delmar: 2:55

First, consider any non-negotiable responsibilities. For instance, at your job, do you only have three weeks instead of four to complete all your usual work? Remember to budget time for all the associated tasks of something like attending the office party, which might also require you to provide a covered dish, purchase a grab bag gift, and come up with a festive outfit. By the way, if you have any special clothes you expect to wear during the holidays, your planning period is the time to make sure they still look good.

Alex Delmar: 3:31

Once you've covered your must-do's, develop the rest of your schedule with an eye toward enjoying yourself over the holiday while conserving resources to avoid burning out. Think about what is most meaningful to you. Who do you really want to spend time with? Which traditions are the most important to uphold? Do you associate certain foods and events with this holiday? What seasonal activities do you most enjoy? Concentrate on making these things happen and politely decline to do anything else. Otherwise, you're choosing to give up things you love in order to spend time and energy on stuff that does not matter.

Alex Delmar: 4:20

Of the things that are important to you, choose the best one or two examples and relish the experience. For instance, visit the best festival in your area instead of racing through them all, trying to hit everyone in the county.

Alex Delmar: 4:37

If you have been trying to do everything by yourself, stop it. Hold on to the tasks you enjoy doing and the ones it's important to you be done a certain way. Look for shortcuts to lessen the time and effort required, such as limiting gifts or doing the bulk of your shopping online. Delegate as many things as possible. Instead of preparing the entire dinner, plan a potluck, or order the main dishes catered, or just gather for dessert. Instead of baking eight types of sweets, hold a cookie swap, even if it's just your family members using grandma's recipes. Go to the bakery for that complicated traditional bread. This is not cheating. It's freeing up time and energy so you can actually focus on enjoying the holiday.

Alex Delmar: 5:33

If you are a person who usually lets another member of your household take charge of everything, stop letting them bear the burden alone. Take advantage of knowing what motivates your ADHD brain and claim responsibility for completing the urgent tasks, those that seem interesting or make the holiday fun for you, and keep watch for when you can pitch in on a chore together with someone else. Doing your part helps set everyone up for a better holiday.

Alex Delmar: 6:08

When things don't go exactly as you hoped, take a few deep breaths before reacting, center yourself, and think about the big picture. People will remember how you made them feel, not that you burned the pie crust.

Alex Delmar: 6:25

T here is a caveat about planning. If your normal routine doesn't already include the four cornerstones of ADHD symptom management, to help keep ADHD symptoms under control over the holidays, prioritize getting a good amount of sleep, commit to eating one healthful meal every day, and take advantage of pockets of downtime. For instance, get the cousins outside to play some ball for exercise or craft table decorations with the kids for mindfulness. T

Alex Delmar: 7:00

o recap, having written plans is essential. Look for shortcuts and delegate tasks whenever possible. Prioritize the people and traditions that are most important to you. Work together, practice self-care, and aim for keeping in the spirit of the holiday, not for perfection.

Alex Delmar: 7:24

If you found this useful, like, follow, and come back next Tuesday when I'll cover tips for making the most of those holiday get togethers. I'm Alex Delmar. Thank you for listening to Thoroughly ADHD.