You Can Aim High with ADHD, Even When Today Is Hard

Your best friend can love you and still not understand why “just be on time” or “just start the task” can feel like climbing a wall with ADHD. I’m Alex Delmar, a certified ADHD coach and a person with ADHD, and I’m digging into a reframing that changes everything: many of the goals we set to manage ADHD symptoms are aspirational goals. They are real, meaningful targets, but they often sit just beyond our current reach, and as we improve, the target moves again. 

Those daily pain points can be connected to something bigger: the same goal-setting strategies used by ambitious neurotypical high achievers are often the exact tools ADHD brains need to navigate an average day. Break the goal into steps, use resources, track progress, reward wins, expect setbacks, reassess, and keep supportive people close. That overlap is a reminder that ADHD is not “less than” and it does not have to limit what you plan to build. 

When ADHD plans fall apart, it’s easy to label it a character flaw and slip into learned helplessness. Instead, I offer a practical mindset shift: treat misses as data, revise the plan, renew your resolve, and build resilience. ADHD coaching can offer education and support managing your ADHD symptoms.  Please subscribe, share this with someone who needs a boost, and leave a review so more ADHD listeners can find us.

Some resources for managing ADHD: https://www.thoroughlyadhd.com/adhd-resources

Transcript

When ADHD Goals Feel Impossible

Alex Delmar 0:00

My best friend, who can't relate at all to the struggles of ADHD, does not get how I can cover a topic like strategies to avoid running late or not wasting an entire day hyperfocused on something unimportant, and yet, I still let those things happen. That's when I realized that he, like a lot of people, doesn't understand that the goals we set to manage our ADHD symptoms are almost always aspirational. That means they stretch beyond our current reach, and they evolve, so as we build a skill, the target moves to the next level. I find it helpful to keep in mind that with aspirational goals, progress isn't linear or consistent, and there may be no concrete finish line.

Aspirational Goals And Moving Targets

Alex Delmar 0:56

I'm Alex Delmar, a certified ADHD coach and person with ADHD. Welcome to Thoroughly ADHD, where I share what I've learned to help other people with ADHD enjoy better lives.

Big Goals Meet Daily ADHD Friction

Alex Delmar 1:11

A person with ADHD might set goals like arriving on time to everything today, or earning a top honor in their field, paying all their bills on time this month, or aiming to comfortably retire by their 40th birthday. With unmanaged or badly managed ADHD, attaining any of these goals might seem equally improbable. This is especially frustrating when you consider that when people with ADHD reach a level where they have administrative support or a team to help execute their ideas, they can be brilliant. But how do you get there if you can't solve how to submit anything before the deadline?

Alex Delmar 1:58

Neurotypical people, those without ADHD, who strive toward aspirational goals, tend to be exceptionally determined, smart, creative, or talented, and they believe they can achieve extraordinary things. So I find it interesting that the recommendations to help them stick with ambitious goals that push past perceived limits are the same as the recommendations for people

The Same Playbook For Ambition

Alex Delmar 2:28

with ADHD to get through an average day. These go-getters are told to figure out what their goal is, break it down into smaller steps, use all the resources available to them, track and reward progress, reassess regularly and adjust accordingly, expect setbacks, and to surround themselves with supportive people. Does this sound familiar? I'm bringing this to your attention because when we talk about ADHD brains working differently, sometimes there's an implied sense of "less than." But it turns out that these same strategies that help cream of the crop neurotypical brains reach for the stars work for ADHD brains too. So even if mundane tasks are harder for you on the day-to-day, that doesn't need to limit where you plan to end up. Maybe we can just reframe this struggle as ADHD brains being more practiced at accomplishing difficult things. We already know from Dr. Halliwell that ADHD is a disorder of doing, not

Coaching And The Skill Of Starting

Alex Delmar 3:48

of knowing what to do. But even neurotypical people who pursue aspirational goals usually work closely with mentors or hire life coaches or career coaches, because it's really hard for people to reach big goals on their own, even without ADHD. Coaching specifically for people with ADHD is important because something like task initiation is an aspirational goal for those of us with ADHD. And it's a foundational skill needed to accomplish anything.

Alex Delmar 4:28

Perhaps the most significant aspect we can adopt from aspirational goal setting is that each failure is to be considered another chance to revise the plan, renew your resolve, and build resilience.

Failure As Data Not A Verdict

Alex Delmar 4:45

When people with ADHD come up short, we tend to view it as a character flaw or a moral failing instead of a circumstance we need to work around. It is tragic how many of us have internalized the, "this is just how I am, why bother trying" attitude, a learned helplessness that leads us to accept jobs or relationships or situations in which we are not appropriately challenged, fulfilled, or even remotely happy. It might seem easier to buy into this false narrative that you're just a screw-up. But if you're listening to me right now, maybe you're ready to consider the life you really want for yourself and what you might do to get there. Or maybe you're doing okay, but you're so ready to level up. It's much easier not to figure it all out on your own.

Resources And A Simple Next Step

Alex Delmar 5:50

So you can check out my website linked in the description for resources, or contact me, Alex Delmar, about small group or individual coaching. I know your time is valuable, and I hope you found something useful or thought provoking here. If so, please like or subscribe and come back for another segment of Thoroughly ADHD. Thank you.