You're Not Burnt Out, You're Dysregulated

In this episode I'm joined by my sister-in-law Dr. Lexi, a holistic chiropractor, to talk about our upcoming event Regulate to Reconnect with Joy! We also chat about what it actually means to have a dysregulated nervous system and how regulating your nervous system reconnects you to who you really are. If you've been feeling burnt out, disconnected or just not like yourself lately.. This episode is for you. 

If you still feel that gentle pull in your chest about this event, now's the time to secure your ticket! You won't regret it.

Get your ticket at: www.sparkchirowellness.com/shop

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:25

Hey, hey guys, welcome back to I Know a Girl, the cozy corner of the internet where we hype each other up, get raw and real, and remember, healing is hot. I'm your host, Morgan, and today's episode is one I'm vibrating out of my seat in excitement about. I have my sister-in-law, Dr. Lex, with me. She's someone I love and trust so much, but someone who is very knowledgeable when it comes to the body healing and how our nervous system actually works. She's a holistic chiropractor. She's more than that. She's someone who understands how connected our physical and emotional well-being really are. Together, we're hosting Regulate to Reconnect with Joy. So welcome, Lex, or to all of you, Dr. Lexi.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

Thanks so much for having me.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

Thank you for coming on.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

I'm excited. I mean, we I feel like this event is one that we've been talking about for a while. Yes. And also, I mean, we were friends before we were married relatives.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Yeah, it's just kind of it's cool to, you know, in a professional capacity, like have this relationship too.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Yes, yes. I love that. And I love that you just brushed on the fact that we've been friends way before you married my brother. Sounds back. I um yes, yes, yes. Everything, I love that everything comes back full circle. You know what I mean? Means that we're in our purpose. Or standing in our purpose, should I say.

unknown 1:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

So let's get started with talking about our our event that we have coming up.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

You bet. Okay, so this was kind of born out of, I think the initial idea that you wanted to do was kind of like a like a bar crawl, but like wellness. Right. And that was a big project to take on. So we this is gonna be uh kind of like a little workshop. It's gonna be at my office in Victor. And the idea behind it, from my perspective, I'll let you talk a little bit too, Morgan, but um, is teaching people one how your nervous system works, because everything it does is to protect you. Every attention, every thought, every belief pattern, in some way it's meant to keep you safe. And oftentimes those things, um, even though out of love, they hold us back in some way. They um restrict us, make us play small, and they also rob us of our joy when we're in a stress state, which hello, look at the world, we all are. Sorry to tell you, but everyone is overwhelmed right now. It robs us from the ability of the ability to kind of tap into the piece of us that feels calm, full, collected, it can be creative, joyful, be in community and connected with other people. So we're gonna be talking about that, kind of peeling back what some of those things are that might be holding you back, and then tapping into the the collective energy of a group of people that want to better themselves through Morgan, you're gonna be doing tarot card readings and kind of bringing it all back together in that way too. So I'll let you jump in now.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

So we're gonna start the event with a tarot card. We're gonna call in the universe to let us know what we need to let go or um really dig deep within ourselves. From there, I think Lex, you said that you wanted to give like a little educational piece on why we need to regulate our nervous system and why it's very important in our lives. And then from there, I think we are gonna do a couple of journaling prompts that dig deep part of getting down to you know who we are really makes us happy, joyful, grounded in ourselves. And then we'll do like a little release ritual where we're letting go of all our inhibitions and our anxieties and the negative thoughts that are holding us back. And then we'll close the event with another tarot card pull to see what else the universe thinks that we need to hear before leaving the event.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

So the idea is that you walk away feeling a little bit more in control of not only your nervous system, but like your life and your happiness. Right. You know what you need to do, how to do it, and feel a bit more grounded in yourself too, because the Lord knows we need that.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Right, right. Who do you think this event would be for?

SPEAKER_00 4:57

I think about like the people who you're doing all the things, right? Like you're doing the workouts, you're eating better, you're trying to clean up your life and be healthier, but like either one, you can't get out of your own way, or two, it just feels hard and heavy. And it's like I either get to enjoy my life or do these healthy habit things. The people who can't quite find the balance and don't know why, and just feel really overwhelmed by all of it. I think that's kind of who would really thrive in this and who could really get the most from this.

SPEAKER_01 5:31

I agree with you. I think it's like, you know, moms that are extremely burnt out, who are you know high achieving in their job or even just you know being a mother, and uh they might even be healing from trauma or something, but like they they definitely feel like everything that they're putting out in the world is not really coming back to them, you know what I mean? Like they're putting so much care and love out, but like they feel like they're not getting it back, you know? Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 6:00

Yeah, no, for sure. And like oftentimes, at least what I hear from patients too, and my own experience is that the nervous system's often the missing piece. Like we we go on autopilot and we do, do, do, do, do, which gets us so far, and initially it gets us really far, but then you reach it a point where you kind of hit a wall, and either it's not sustainable anymore, or you're just like nothing's changing anymore, and you just feel like you've reached a plateau. And that's usually where nervous system work comes in. That's where we really gotta in order to level up in your life or reach a new point where you feel like you can be who you want to be, do what you want to do. Um, you have to kind of unravel a little bit of what's happening behind the scenes, and that's where nervous system work comes in.

SPEAKER_01 6:45

Right. What does it mean to have a dysregulated nervous system?

SPEAKER_00 6:49

That's a good question. I think it can mean different things for different people from a what it feels like standpoint. Regulation is the ability to handle what life throws at you, go with the flow essentially of life, and don't be able to find your center again. So people think it's like, oh, you must be zen. Like they think of a regulated person and it's like this yogi or someone who sits and meditates every day. And that's not it just that's not true because that person being in this like zen-out state all the time, that's not regulation. That's having control over everything. And what real regulation is is even when things are out of control, you have the ability of the own like self-agency to one, not overreact, or two, when you do react, come back down. And so when you're dysregulated, it's you're kind of stuck, like you have either been so stressed for so long, or some big traumatic event happens, and it shifts your kind of center set point of what your body thinks is normal or safe. And so to be regulated means bringing that set point back down to the middle so that you can one activate your energy mobilization when you need to, because we need to activate our stress response for things like exercise, for getting things done on time to be laser focused. If there is an actual danger, we need to be able to respond to it. But we also need to come back down from that. And then once we're in our center kind of separate, um, it's also easy to see when we become underactivated. And so there's this kind of like cold state too that we can get in where we get dissociated, we get apathetic, we get kind of like depressed almost, where we cannot mobilize energy. So there's a too much energy, and then there's also a not enough can't get yourself going. And so being too far on either side, that's why like that send out a person who's always a chill and doesn't react to anything, like that's not necessarily healthy either, because they're they might be stuck in that cold state. So you want to be able to laugh and scream and play and also sleep and rest and uh recover. And so this is a very long answer to your question, Mark. No, you're fine. Regulation is the ability to find your center set point without getting stuck in one extreme or the other.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

I feel like that was the perfect answer to that question, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

Okay, I'm glad it made sense because sometimes I ramble.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

Oh no, you're fine. I do have to say that I think that sometimes that like yogi um mellowness is like almost like the what is that, like fawn state. Instead of like fighting, you're like fawning so much, you know what I mean? That just like eh, whatever, and you're not doing anything at all.

SPEAKER_00 9:50

Absolutely. So, like the freeze fawn is kind of that like opposite response, and fawning is so common for women because oftentimes, in order to survive, we we need to be likable, right? Like, not just from a from a literal standpoint of survival, but I mean, sometimes it is, but the way that the world interacts with us, unlikable woman is considered a threat. And so, in positions where, like at work or at school, the things that we learn of how to feel safe to not get a negative response from other people is to be likable. And in order to be likable, you mirror exactly what you think the other person wants from you. And so doing that slowly over time takes us further and further away from our intuition. It takes us further away from being connected with our own body and what we actually want to do or say or believe in that moment. And so that can kind of shove you further and further down into that cold state, which is a complete dissociation from mind and body.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

You actually just answered my next question that was why do you think so many women are in survival mode? And you I think you answered that pretty perfectly.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

Yeah, well, that, and you know, the load that women carry from not just a how do I be likable and operate in the world, but at home too, like mothers, the emotional load that women carry, you know, responsible for calendars, responsible for appointments, responsible for making sure everyone is where they need to be at all times, and also go to work, and also move around in the world, and um also go to the gym and eat right and make sure your body looks good. Like there's it's just layers, right? Exactly. And how do you not drop the ball? You think about it constantly, right? So there's not only the physical exertion of doing everything for everyone, but that mental exhaustion, it takes a toll, and our brains do not know the difference between actually being in threat or thinking about the threat. It creates the same response either way.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

That's great. You are I don't even know what to say because you're just like speaking everything that needs to be said.

SPEAKER_00 12:14

Oh, thanks. I'm speaking everything that's in my brain all day, so thanks for giving me an outlet to get it out.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

I'm a Gemini, so I'm like constantly I like love to learn, you know what I mean? Which I think sometimes irritates people because like when I ask questions to learn more, they're like they think I'm like questioning them and like their intentions or something, you know? And it's like, no, I just want you to like fill me up with everything that you know too.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 12:45

But I have to say that I feel like it's so one of the questions that we got was is this going to be like therapy? And I would say yes and no, because it's almost like we're showing you that like the perfections that you think that you need to be or the standards that you think that you should be at are literally just like a cage of your own thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 13:05

Mm-hmm. And uh sorry, go on.

SPEAKER_01 13:08

Oh, go ahead, go ahead, sorry.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

Well, I just like I'm not I'm not a neither one of us is a mental health professional, so you know we cannot give mental health advice. Exactly. Um, but it's more of like a grounded in neuroscience perspective of what's actually happening on a physiological level that is preventing you from taking action, from feeling better, from doing whatever it is that will get you from where you are to where you want to be, and then a little bit of self-reflection. So I guess maybe that part could be a little bit like therapy, but self-reflection of what is that underlying belief that I believe and is it true? And if it's not true, okay, what did that do for me in the past, and then how do I let go of it?

SPEAKER_01 14:02

Right, right. And I think a lot of the people that that are gonna listen to this and and come to the event, I think the biggest step is gonna be to just like release that, you know what I mean? Release like the fear of I don't know how I'm trying to put this into my thought into words. Like release the Oh God, where is that train of thought going? Yes, yes, or like what anybody else is gonna think about you coming to it. You know what I mean? Like I don't know. I feel like my train of thought just switched tracks or something.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

That's okay, maybe they'll come back.

SPEAKER_01 14:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

Trains left the station. But I think like a good point to make too about this event is like it's gonna give you the tools and framework. Like, we're not gonna fix your whole life in 90 minutes. Right. Sorry, I wish I could, but unfortunately, that's not how it works. And but what it will do is give you the tools and like the thought process to be able to go home and continue doing this work. Like, it's something self-improvement. I mean, you know, that's what your podcast's about. It's it's a journey, man. Like, it doesn't, I wish I could do one EMDR session and be fixed, but it'll give you you know, questions to ask yourself, how like how to go about milling down into what's really happening so that you can understand the framework and then keep keep going.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

Right. So that train of thought that I just had earlier it came back to me. So we're pretty much like helping you learn how to commit to yourself. Yeah. I'll look back. See, I knew I was I had something good. It's just you couldn't put it into words.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

I'm glad it found its way home.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

Yes, yes, yes. So, what would you say to somebody who's on the fence about coming or nervous about opening up on the stuff that they need to release?

SPEAKER_00 16:13

I would say you're gonna be in a room of people who are also probably nervous, who have the same intention, who like only want to be better. And I think there's always a fear of like, what are other people gonna think? Is my weird thing weirder than their weird thing? And no one, everyone's always just thinking about themselves, too. Like the people you're worried about, worrying about you, or worried about themselves and also worried about you, worried about them. Um, so if you're on the fence and thinking about it, you should come because that means you're probably ready to start taking a look at things and asking yourself some hard questions. And if you want your life to be better, you have to start. Like you can only do so much planning, and even if it's really messy in the beginning, which it probably will, just taking action is better than thinking about taking action. Because the only way to communicate to your nervous system that it is safe to make a change is to do it and then pause and say, Oh look, I'm actually okay, nothing bad happened.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

Right, exactly. Because, like, even for example, like when I started the boutique, I was like very nervous because my biggest thought was like, I what if I fail, right? But then I put out like I started doing little bits and pieces of like, you know, getting my tax number ID, and then like, well, first I had to go get my business name, but like just going and getting my business like registered, I was like, holy crap, like nothing bad happened, and like the world is still kind of revolving, and I'm I'm getting excited, you know. So it was like doing things and realizing like it's not as scary as I thought it was, and all those negative thoughts that I had holding on to it were just holding me back from doing the damn thing.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

Uh-huh. Everything is scary until it's not. Right. And eventually it's like.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Exactly. Exactly. Just like what you were saying, like if you've been on the fence or feeling like that pole in your chest to come, that's your sign. That's your intuition calling you forward.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Yeah. And I promise, like, this is our first time doing it too. Like, we're also figuring it out. So you're in good company. Um, I think if anything, it's gonna be a small event. Like, we don't have a ton of space even here, so we're tapping it. And it's gonna be a group of people who like want to have honest conversations, and you'll have access to me and and you, Morgan, to ask questions and like really dive into the nitty-gritty in community, like that piece alone is invaluable, in my opinion. Just finding other people who also want to be in the same world.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

Right. Right. People that are, you know, trying to better themselves, but need like a little bit of support system that's not going to judge them and make them feel like, oh, you're not doing this right. So then that's we're not necessarily like trying to hold your hand, but we're also trying to hold your hand, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Can't do it for you, but we'll absolutely do it with you.

SPEAKER_01 19:44

Right, right. 100%. Well, I don't have any more questions. What about you?

SPEAKER_00 19:52

Perfect. Let me think, because I did have one. Oh, what are you hoping to get out of this as someone who's like also gonna be there?

SPEAKER_01 20:01

I'm hoping to come like to build the community around, you know, the support for I know a girl. Like I want I want to grow the sith the sisterhood, you know what I mean? Like I want more people to feel that they're not alone and whatever they want to do, whether it's like, you know, leaving a bad relationship or getting away from their crappy job or confronting their neighbor on being a stickler about something, like I want you to know that like the stuff that you're thinking about that that's holding you back from doing what something that you really want to do is is is not really a cage, you know what I mean? I want you to leave the event knowing that like you are a cool fucking bitch. Uh-huh. You know what I mean? Like, we're all cool bitches.

SPEAKER_00 20:52

So And then what about in your own life?

SPEAKER_01 20:55

Like personally There is a lot that I'm gonna be calling in to release at this event. So I think one of the things is that I really, really need to let go of the idea of having to be so perfect. Uh I need to just kinda let things be and be my authentic self, you know what I mean? Because sometimes I get too caught up in my head and trying to have things line up the way that I think they should be. And if I just let things naturally go with the flow, that's when they really line up the way they should be. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 21:35

Yeah, it does. Like I put too much pressure on myself and I just need to How do you think your life would be different if you could ease up on that a little bit?

SPEAKER_01 21:45

Oh, I feel like I'd have so way less stress. But I think a lot of it is that I hold on to opinions and thoughts of people that I love that think differently. Than me. So that's why I have that. You know what I mean? So like the perfection isn't really my own perfection. It's other people's projection of me, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

Other people's idea of what your life should look like.

SPEAKER_01 22:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

So maybe you could live a life that's a little bit more aligned with who you are and what you are.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

Cool. Just curious. I think it can help people kind of understand like some people might listen to this and be like, what the hell are they talking about? But giving an example is sometimes helpful.

SPEAKER_01 22:37

Yeah. And hopefully if anybody's listening to this and they're like, what the hell are they thinking or talking about? Hopefully they are enticed to come hang out with us and laugh and giggle and whatnot.

unknown 22:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

I think it's gonna be gonna be a good time.

SPEAKER_01 22:53

I know I'm excited.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Yeah, and hopefully we can grow it and change it and keep doing it in a way that's valuable to people.

SPEAKER_01 23:04

Yeah. I'm hoping that this small little workshop will grow into like this small workshop will be the seed that grows into the wellness crawl that we want to do, you know? We just gotta start small and move our way that way.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

Yeah. For sure. So if anyone is interested in coming, you can head to tickets are available and they are limited. So when they're gone, they're gone. You can head to my website, sparkchirowellness.com. Um, you'll find tickets there. You can also send either Morgan or myself a message, um, and we'd be happy to send you the link. And we hope to see you there. I hope you step out of your comfort zone because that's how you grow and get better.

SPEAKER_01 23:48

Right. Exactly. There's no change if you're stuck, you know, hanging out in your comfort zone.

SPEAKER_00 23:56

Unfortunately. I would love for that to be true. Right. Unfortunately.

SPEAKER_01 24:02

Well, I hope this episode gives you some clarity and maybe even permission to reconnect with yourself. And hopefully we'll see you April 18th at 2 p.m. at Spark Cairo Wellness.

SPEAKER_00 24:15

You bet. See you there.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

All right. Bye, guys.