For The Girls Who Feel Guilty On Mother's Day

In this episode I talk about how one day is not enough to show recognition for how badass moms really are. I break down that motherhood really is a full time job, with no instruction manual and how to give grace to yourself so you don't feel guilty for taking a break. I also talk about the side of Mother's day we don't always hear about and that's the grief of not having a close, emotionally supportive relationship that's shown in movies and tv shows. I open up about my own relationship with my mother, the guilt I've carried around it and the struggle of forgiving while still holding onto hurt and some resentment. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Hey, hey! Welcome back to I Know a Girl, the cozy corner of the internet where we hype each other up, get a little raw and real, and remember, healing is hot. I'm your host, Morgan, and in honor of Mother's Day that just passed, this episode is going out to all the moms. And uh I'm gonna give you a little disclaimer right here that uh this episode is gonna get a little heavy later on. So if you need a glass of wine or need to rip on the bong a few times, go do that right now. Um, but yeah, let's let's get into this. In honor of Mother's Day that just passed, I said that this episode is going out to all the moms because let's be honest, one day isn't enough to show gratitude to moms. I mean, moms deserve more than just one day of grace and recognition because being a mom is fucking tough. We're held at such a higher standard than someone who isn't a mom. And let me tell you why. I honestly think it's because we're responsible for raising the next generation. So if your kids behave, then you're viewed as a good mom. However, if your kids act out, you're viewed as a bad mother. And we're supposed to be everything. We're supposed to be perfect down to every degree. We're supposed to hold down the house, do all the cooking and the cleaning, take care of the kids, the animals, and still work a full-time job. We're supposed to look put together, but not too hot. And let's not breeze by all the duties of being a mom, right? Like they're nothing, because they're not. It's it's tough. When when I tell you it's tough, it really is. You know, it's not a walk in the park. We're supposed to take care of our children and make appointments for them, get them to the appointments, send all the things into school, make sure they're doing their homework, make sure they're clean, healthy, presentable. I mean, and and that's not even all the all the tasks. Being a mom is like literally having your own responsibilities copied and pasted for each child. It's it's a full-time job. When they say that being a mom is a full-time job with no vacations, it's true. Because when we're taking care of ourselves, we're also in the back of our mind making sure we're going down the checklist for our kids as well. And even when you do get a break, because let me, I'll say, like part of taking care of yourself is to take a break. But even when you do take a break, you're still worrying about if your kids are okay or you're planning out the next thing you have to do for them, or get back to when you're done with the break. And if you think taking a break for yourself makes you a bad mom, I really want to tell you, get your head out of your ass. I mean that with so much love because believe me, I've been down the road where I didn't take a break for myself, and I literally ran myself into the ground. And then blow up because you just battle you bottle everything up, and then you start to resent your partner or your support system for not helping you when you really needed it the most, you know? So taking a break is is way more needed than you think, and it does not make you a bad mom at all. And honestly, I think the only thing that really makes you a bad mom is if you're intentionally trying to hurt your kid or you just have no intent towards your child at all, whether it be good or bad. You just they're nothing to you. Because let's be honest, we're all out here trying to do our best. At least I really hope we all are. And I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. And if you already know this, cool. This is gonna be quite the refresher for you. But this is our first experience on earth. And I don't know about you, but I didn't get a rule book. No instructions, nothing. So if you ever thought that you were a bad mom, I promise you, you're not. Unless you're purposely trying to harm your kid or you just cut your kid off. I mean, I'm sure you you probably have reasons for cutting your kid off, but I feel like giving up on your kid is definitely that makes you a bad mom in my eyes. Sorry if that hurts your feelings. But as a mother, you're supposed to be there for your kid no matter what. Like, even if you don't agree with some of those the things that they do or say, like you are always supposed to be home. And so, yeah, I won't go any further into that because I don't want this episode to turn into that. But if you ever thought that you were a bad mom, I can probably give you at least five or six examples of how you're not. In the past, when Mother's Day came around, my husband would always ask me, What did I want? And a lot of the times my answer would always be, I don't know. And he would push harder and always ask, What's something you really want, or something you really wanted to do. And for the longest time, I felt guilty for making everyone in our house have to do what I wanted to do that day, right? Or making my husband and my kids buy me something. But I think I could speak for a lot of moms when I say it's easy to put your all into taking care of your kids and then your own health and well-being takes a back seat. We're not doing that anymore, right? This podcast is all about self-love and hyping each other up and getting raw and real. Well, here's the raw and real part. You can't not take if take care of yourself and keep taking care of your kids because eventually you're gonna run yourself into the ground. You're gonna burn yourself out. So we're not playing small anymore. We're gonna lean into it. This past Mother's Day, I really tried to bask in the glory that I'm doing something right. I'm raising some phenomenal kids. Not only are they funny, caring, but they're insanely intelligent. And the whole world would be falling apart, and all I have to do is remember that I get to go home to my favorite people ever. And after thinking that, I my nervous system usually just starts to calm. In my worst moments when I felt like I can't do anything right, and I'm a piece of shit. One of the things that I've learned to calm my anxiety is to think about things that I do do right or that I know that I can do. And I know that I am a damn good fucking mother. And I think about my kids and how wonderful they are and how I've helped create them. And then I slowly get the realization that I can't be too bad if I shape them into who they are. So I guess you could say I celebrate them as well on Mother's Day because without them, I wouldn't be a mom. I want them to know I'm thankful to be their mom. I love them so much. It's the most important yet my favorite job or title, I guess you could say, that I'll ever have. And months ago, probably closer to a year now, I had a friend that commented on my story about my daughter saying that she's pretty cool. And uh I responded back saying, she's cooler than I ever hoped to be. And she then commented back to me and said, That's probably the best accomplishment you can ever have as a parent. And I think about that statement all the time. And it's really true if you think about it. I often tell my kids compliments. I'll tell Jade just the other day, I told her, You're so beautiful, you're so kind, and she'll say, Oh, that's you, mama. But then I take the moment and I remind her that she's a part of me. So if she thinks that I'm great, that means she is too. So if you're a mom, I hope you had the best Mother's Day ever. Spoiling yourself, doing something you love, and if it wasn't a good day, I hope next year's Mother's Day is even better for you. I also hope that from here on out you try to give the day or try to use the day to be thankful for your role as a mother, not only to spoil yourself for all that you do, but spoil those babies for making you a mama. And if you're not a mom, I hope you had a great day as well. Some of us don't have the greatest relationships with our moms. And so this is where it's gonna get a little tough that I'm gonna. I don't have that fairy tale mother-daughter relationship. And every Mother's Day, I think there's a part of me that kind of grieves that a little. This is hard to talk about because I don't want to hurt my mom's feelings by talking about this, but at the same time, like anytime that I brought up my feelings, they kind of get diminished, or I'm thought of as a bad daughter. And I'm slowly realizing, now that I'm not trying to be such a people pleaser, that I'm not a bad daughter. In fact, there's been many years that I've put my own life on hold to help my parents in any way possible, and I'm noticing that there's lots of times that they could have been more involved in my life and my children's life, and they choose not to. So part of me didn't want to record this, but the other half of me really needed to, not only to just get off get all these thoughts and feelings out of my head, but I know many people who have strange relationships with their mothers or no relationship with their mother at all. And so I know this is gonna resonate a little bit. I really want to be close with my mom. I really want that relationship that you see in movies and TV shows where they're close and they tell each other everything and they're pretty much best friends. However, my mom had me at a young age and I don't hold that against her at all. So she was very much growing throughout raising me. And I I know she loves me, right? However, I think she's very busy in living her own life that she, you know, doesn't check in very often. And I know the phone works both ways, and there's been many times that I reach out, but sometimes I feel like it doesn't land very well. So yeah, I've realized that a lot of the time our relationship usually revolves around me doing favors for them. And then I feel guilty for full for pulling away. However, I really need to remind myself that if they wanted to, they would. And I've been sitting with this guilt for a while because there's been times that like I've addressed things and they didn't land so well, and it made me feel like I was a bad daughter for voicing my feelings. But the more I reflect on it, the more I more I realize that these two things can exist at the same time. I understand that my mom is human, but I also need to acknowledge that the lack of hurts my feelings. It's both our first times on earth, and we didn't get handbooks, we didn't get instruction manuals. She's doing the best she can. However, I think she needs to realize that like understanding my pain doesn't automatically erase the impact. But I've noticed a lot lately that I have quite a few close female friendships that also have a strained relationship with their mom or similar mother wounds or a lack of emotional understanding with their mom. And I just want to like talk about, or even just mention, that you're doing a great job because I understand how hard it is to be walking around and grieving the mom that you think you need or want while still loving the mom that you have. I'm really trying to forgive fully. I really am because I think what not because I think what hurt me is okay, but because I'm so sick of hair like carrying this like resentment towards her. So that's part of the reason why I really tried to focus on spending the day yesterday on being thankful for my own kids, because I may not be able to change my relationship with my mom, but what I do have in control of is my relationship with my own kids. And so, like even yesterday, my husband asked me what I wanted him to make me for dinner, and I said, Can we do make our own pizzas? And he gave me this look like you want to make your own dinner, but it wasn't necessarily that I wanted to make my own dinner, it was that I wanted to do something fun with the kids, and what immediately popped in my head was back in my childhood, we would go to Pizza Hut, and they had the option to like make your own personal pan pizza, and I just thought that would be such a fun experience to do with my kids, and they they could just make their own pizza, put whatever toppings that they wanted on it, and they did, and they had a great time. And um I kept telling them all day how much I loved them, and I'm so thankful for them for choosing me as their mom. I did have a little bit of grieving, but I, you know, spent the day just really focused on my own motherhood journey and making my kids' childhood the best that they deserve. So I just want to shout out to everybody that experienced a complicated Mother's Day yesterday. If you feel guilty or sad or disconnected, maybe resentful, numb, a little confused, I just want you to know you're not alone. There's no perfect way to navigate complicated family relationships, but I think healing starts by finally being honest about the situation. So see, this is why I said go get your glass of wine or rip the bog a few times. But yeah, so I guess now we could get into our horoscope hype for the episode. So, Aries, in the month of May, you should expect a new chapter, a leadership role, more feminine energy, and lots of love. Taurus, in the month of May, you should expect success, travel, slow mornings, and self-love. Geminis. You should expect new beginnings, social events, an opportunity, and more feminine energy. Cancers. You should expect peace, home comfort, soft healing, and more love in the month of May. Leo's. Ooh, you got a glow up coming for you. A little bit of romance, some healthy living, and lots of peace. Virgos. In the month of May, you should expect some wealth, slow mornings, self-love, and an opportunity. Libras. In the month of May, you'll have peace, some self-care, a romance, and lots of freedom. Scorpios, in the month of May, you should see a girlhood forming, tons of feminine energy, maybe a solo travel, and lots of self-love. Sagittarius. You should see fitness in the month of May. Lots of success. Maybe even an adventure, but definitely self-love. Capricorns. In the month of May, you should see your fitness routine improving. A romance, a little bit of a glow-up, and some wealth. Aquarius. In the month of May, you have new beginnings, love, maybe a little travel, but tons of freedom. And Pisces. In the month of May, you focus on your inner glow, beauty, healthy living, and some self-care. Alright, so I want to talk about my little joy of the week for a second before we do our tarot card poll and end this episode. I have a couple little joys of the week. I um I've been buying little bouquets of flowers at the store to put around the house, and honestly, it's bringing me more than just a little bit of joy. It's giving me a bonding experience with my daughter. And what's nice is after they start to will or die, I take them out and I let them dry out on some paper towels, and then me and Jade press them for crafts. So one of my favorite hobbies as a little girl was pressing flowers, and now I get to share that with my own daughter. We mainly just arrange the dried flowers in like a photo frame. So she has like a few that she has on her nightstand and her vanity to look at. And then like I have a bunch in my room that we've put together that make up like a gallery wall. And yeah, I'm having I'm having a lot of fun with it. Um, another little joy I have is I am happy to announce that me and Dr. Lex have our next workshop all planned out and ready to go. It's gonna be June 6th at the same space as last time, which is 7171 State Route 96 in Victor. Um, definitely get your tickets and come hang out with us. It's gonna be a lot of fun. You're definitely gonna want to be there. And then my other little joy of the week is my dear friend sent me a message saying that I should sign up for this business expo at a local casino. And um I kind of was like, what do you mean? I'm not a business. The podcast isn't a business. And she's like, I know, but hear me out. It would be a great opportunity to share the podcast and get it out there with like-minded women. And after thinking about it, yes, she made a very good point. And a few other of my loved ones, I've bounced the idea off, and they thought I should really do it as well. And they even gave me a couple more ideas to to do while I'm there. So that's what I'm pretty much announcing is that May 23rd, I'm going to be at Del Lago Casino and Resort at their women's business expo. I'm gonna be at booth 10 from 2 to 5. So definitely if you're close by or have nothing to do, make sure you stop by and see me there. I'm gonna be really excited. To see you. I'm gonna have my tarot cards there and a few other little goodies. So yeah, stop in, give me a hug, say you love me. I'll love it. I'll love you. I'll love it. So yeah. Now we can get into our tarot card poll. Oh, another thing. I'm finalizing. Sorry. I'm finalizing um the last little details of our giveaway. A little update on our downloads. Yes, we surpassed 1,300 long ago. Um, I have to check to see where we're at specifically the number for you so I could report back on that. But yes, the giveaway is still going to happen. I'm finalizing the last little details now. And so I'll probably announce that in the next episode or maybe the episode after that. Um definitely stay tuned. I did not give up on the giveaway just yet. I'm just balancing many different plates on sticks right now. And I hope with me saying that, you think of the movie The Cat in the Hat, where the cat is like doing all these tricks with those kids. All right, here we go. So the card that we got is the Nine of Pentacles. And the Nine of Pentacles in reverse suggests challenges with self-worth and the pitfalls of living beyond means. It warns against an unhealthy focus on work and the illusion of success, urging a re-evaluation of what truly constitutes fulfillment. So it goes hand in hand with how I feel about my relationship with my mom. Is I'm having challenges with my self-worth, and I keep going above and beyond with doing favors for them because I want to be seen as a good daughter. But it's just an illusion of success. It's not the real deal. So it's I need to reevaluate what truly constitutes as fulfillment, and that is me being happy. And I'm no longer being happy, or I'm no longer happy being the girl that they always run to when they need a favor and not when they want to check in and see how I'm doing or be a part of mine and my kids' life. My heart goes out to anybody that is dealing with stuff like this. And my heart also goes out to those of you who don't have a mother. Maybe she doesn't want to be in your life, maybe she's not even Earthside. I'm just sending my heart out to anybody that needs it in a difficult time like this. So I don't mean to leave the episode on such a heavy heart. So I'm trying to send so much love and light to you because you are the love that you give out, not the love that you receive. So keep that in mind. I'm definitely keeping it in mind for me. Alright, I'm gonna go. I'll see you guys next week. Keep your eyes and ears open for the giveaway. Come see me at that event, which is not this coming weekend, but next weekend. I'm trying to think of when this episode's gonna air, if I could give you the correct dates or idea of range. But yeah, and if you haven't, please go rate the podcast wherever you listen. It helps other people find us and become part of our community and know that they are not alone. And don't forget, I love you guys. I'll see you next week. Bye.