I Know A Girl Who Thinks She Ruined Everything

This episode felt like divine timing. I came across a listener submission just moments after it was sent and it stopped me right in my tracks. In this episode I talk about what happens after we mess up, how one bad decision doesn't define your growth, your progress or the person you've worked so hard on becoming. This conversation is for anyone who has ever felt disappointed in themselves, tempted to give up or afraid they ruined everything just because they stumbled.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Hey, hey, welcome back to I Know a Girl. The cozy corner of the internet where we hype each other up, get a little raw and real, and remember, healing is hot. I'm your host, Morgan. And today I checked my listener submissions to see if we had any, and it just so happened to be that we got one two minutes before I even checked the inbox. So, divine timing, I'm not quite sure, or if I just happened to manifest that. But here is the message that I got. Hey Morgan, I've been listening to your podcast for a little while now, and I honestly feel weird even sending this because I'm really ashamed of myself right now. I was sober for almost two years, and this weekend I made the stupid decision to try it all over again. At first I told myself it would just be one time and that I had control over it, but the second I did it, all the guilt and fear came rushing back. I feel like I completely let myself down after coming so far. The worst part is that before this, I actually I was actually proud of myself for the first time in a long time. Now I feel embarrassed, disappointed, and scared that this one bad choice is going to turn me into falling back into old habits again. I think I'm reaching out because your podcast feels really safe and really honest and safe, and I don't really know who else to talk to that wouldn't immediately judge me. How do you stay motivated after messing up? How do you not spiral after a relapse and convince yourself you already ruined everything anyway? I know nobody can magically fix this for me, but I guess I'm just looking for advice from someone who talks a lot about growth and self-worth. I really don't want this to become the start of losing myself again. So for starters, I have to point out at the fact that the end of this message, you say, I really don't want this to become the start of losing myself again. You're already handling this way better than you ever have before, because I imagine that before you didn't have this guilt and that you could just easily go back into the habit. But now you have guilt and you have fear of losing yourself again. So use that as your motivation to not make the choice again. And I know it sounds easier said than done. However, it really is just that a choice. If you show up every day, the results don't have a choice, but to also show up. So for starters, I would cut out anybody that also does what you were just doing or what you relapsed. I mean, the message doesn't say what the substance was, but I would say get rid of anybody in your life that excuses that type of behavior because they're just going to continue to make that behavior acceptable, and they will continue to provide an atmosphere for you to keep going back to that, you know, behavior. Now you have the idea that you obviously don't want to do it again. So you need to hold on to the feelings of not wanting to do it again, and you need to make a plan on how you're not going to do it again, whether that gets everything that reminds you of it out of your house, out of your vision, out of your everyday life. And then you have to change your habits. You know, where you would see yourself thinking about that again. You need to pluck the thought out of your head and flick it elsewhere and do something else that's going to occupy your mind and your time and your energy so you don't relapse again. I know this all sounds way easier said than done, but you have it in you. I mean, obviously you have it in you because you said that you were almost two years sober. So you just got to tap into that mindset and that frequency again before you tried it again. Try making yourself some affirmations or like a little note that you could put where you will look at it every single day to keep reminding you to stay motivated on not doing it again. And then every single time that you have that negative thought that, oh, I fucked my life up, like I said, pluck it from your head, flick it off, and then force yourself to do something else. Do something productive, do something that you love to do that makes you happy. And just keep pouring into yourself and not thinking about the substance or the people that you do the substance with or the places that you've done the substance at. Like you have to literally rewrite everything away from that. Your future is shaped by the habits that you repeat, not the goals that you set. So you could set the goal of never wanting to do it again, but you have to have your habits also carry out the goal. So when I said that you have to, you know, pluck those negative thoughts out of your mind, it sucks and it's super hard, but you have it in you to do it. You're not your mistake. Okay, we all make bad mistakes. But that's how you grow, that's how you learn, that's how you become your better self, is by being at rock bottom and then choosing to never go there ever again. If you need to start writing down some affirmations that build your confidence up. Stop wallowing in the fact that you made a mistake. Because when you wallow in that negative energy, it's just going to convince your brain that it's okay to keep making that same mistake. Making that mistake doesn't change your character. You can still be a good person and do a bad thing. However, what separates a good person from a bad person is making a mistake and then choosing to continue to make the bad mistake. Okay? This doesn't mean that you're a fuck up. This doesn't mean that you're a piece of shit. You're still a great person. Great people make mistakes, okay? But the only way that you can make this ruin your entire life is if you keep choosing to do the substance. If you continue to make irrational decisions from here on out. So you had a little hiccup, you're gonna dust yourself off, pick up the crown, and fucking readjust your life according to the goals that you want. I want you to write this down. If you're listening to this episode, hopefully you are, but I want you to write this down. Instead of saying, I hope I can do this, I want you to write down, I'm making this shit happen. Okay. You're gonna give yourself permission to feel sad for the moment, right? Grieve the moment, but then you're not gonna turn it into a verdict about your life, okay? You have the choice right here to either let your story stop or let your story start from this point. You made a mistake, however, from here on out, that's gonna be what motivates you to be better. Because it's okay to be ashamed of yourself, okay? But it's not okay to call yourself stupid. It's not okay to keep associating with those people that you know made you think that it was okay that you could do the substance again. It's a very hard choice to have to rewire everything away from this decision, but you can do it. You've done it once before. And yeah, it sucks that you have to restart the cycle all over again. But guess what? You're a little more stronger than the last time that you did it. And this time, you're gonna fucking do it. You're never gonna touch it ever again. And from this moment forward, your life is going to get extremely better because you're more committed to yourself than you ever have been before. It's okay to be guilty. It's okay to have a little bit of fear, but you're gonna use that guilt and you're gonna use that fear to propel yourself forward and never make that mistake ever again. And guess what? You said before that you were really proud of yourself for the first time in a long time. Well, guess what, babe? Now you're giving yourself the opportunity to make yourself proud all over again. It's okay to feel embarrassed, it's okay to be disappointed in yourself. Shit, the most successful people are ones that have made mistakes and then made the effort to never fucking do it ever again. So thank you for reaching out to me. Thank you for making me feel like a safe space. Let me thank you for allowing me to be a safe space. And thank you for allowing me to give you this pep talk to hopefully better your life and make things better from here on out. But I want you to remember, you're not a piece of shit, you're not a scumbag, you made a mistake. You are human. It's going to be okay. And you have it in you to never do it ever again. I believe in you, girl. I'm sure everybody listening to this episode is also rooting you on. But the only way that you're going to continue to ruin everything after this decision is if you keep making that decision. So show up every day for yourself, commit back to yourself, and the results will have no other choice but to also show up for you. And I hope someday in the future I can meet you in person and give you the biggest fucking hug ever and tell you that you are a badass because you are. You are a badass. And like I said, your future is shaped by the habits that you repeat, not the goals that you set. So, yes, you could say you never want to do this ever again, but you gotta change your habits to ensure that you will never do it ever again. And that starts with the negative thoughts of you saying that you made a stupid decision and you ruined everything. You didn't ruin everything. The only way that you could ruin everything is if you are no longer here on earth to try again. So use the rest of the day today to kind of just sit in the sad, grieve the moment, but after today, everything changes. You're gonna make small steps for the better version of yourself. Take it one minute at a time. I would say one day at a time, but sometimes the day can get really hard. And so take it one minute a day. You could get through the first minute, you could get through the next, and if you for whatever reason feel like you can't, send me a message. I'll be there in a heartbeat so you're not alone. But you got this. I believe in you. So let's get into our little joys of the week. All my plants, all my houseplants are sprouting more little leaves. I'm so excited to see how big and bushy they're going to get this coming year. Um, last week I had one of my very first houseplants get knocked off of the plant stand in the living room, and the dog seemed to trample it. So I thought there was gonna be a few leaves or that we were gonna lose because they got like bent. But thankfully they are not, they're still thriving. So yeah, I'm very excited about that. Uh, I got a couple inquiries from some baddies that want to share their story on the show. Um, I also got a couple inquiries from some badass bitches that want to collab with me. So that's really exciting. I can't wait to show that in the future. Um, I finally got the rest of the little things that I ordered for our giveaway. So definitely going to be posting the giveaway later this week. Yeah, and so now we can get into our horoscope pipe. Uh, we are finally in Gemini season, and you know what that means. That means my birthday is coming up soon, and our our regulate to reconnect with joy workshop is coming up very, very soon. It's actually the day before my birthday, and I have to plan my birthday. I have no idea what I want to do for my 31st 34th birthday this year. But yes, before we get back into our horoscope hype, Gemini season is all about being light and airy. So if you've been feeling kind of bogged down, get ready for like a slew of ideas to just start flowing through and tons of communication. Now's the time to speak out whatever you're creating and focus on two things that you're really curious about that makes you feel excited. Our horoscope hype of the week starts with Aries. Aries, your energy's high and everything feels go time. Keep your focus on what actually moves you forward next week. The rest can wait. Taurus. Next week's all about knowing when to stand firm and when to let go. Pick your battles wisely. The right compromise could actually feel like a win. Gemini's, it's a good time to slow down and check in with your feelings. Reflect, reset, and only invest your energy where it truly matters. Cancers, you're officially earned a pause. Log off, tune out, and treat yourself like the main character. No guilt, no excuses. Self-care isn't optional this week. It's mandatory. Leo's, your confidence shines and adds extra charm to your words. Speak up, share your ideas, and watch people actually listen. Your vibe is magnetic. Virgos, it's a good time to check your systems and your routines. This week we're nudging you to tweak what's not working. Small adjustments now save headaches later and make everything flow smoother. Libras, all that juggling you've been doing finally catches up. It's a good reminder to slow down. Take a little time for yourself. Even a short pause makes everything feel lighter. Scorpios, this month is all about hitting reset and zoning in on what actually matters. Let go of distractions and drama. Your energy is too valuable to waste. Sagittarius, it's been a bit of a maze trying to find the right person, and you've probably hit a few dead ends. Keep your standards up and trust your instincts. The right vibe will feel effortless when it finally shows up. Capricorns, you've been carrying a lot on your shoulders. This week I want you to check in if your load actually serves your goals. Take a moment to breathe and prioritize yourself. Aquarius, you've been feeling stressed and running on overdrive lately. Give yourself permission to pause and reset. Even a few minutes can help you feel a lot lighter. And Pisces, you've been holding on a lot inside, and it might be time to finally reach out. Sharing even a little can lift a weight off your shoulders, and you might be surprised by the support that you get. All right, well, I suppose now I should get into our tarot card poll of the episode. See what the universe has to tell us today. The six of pentacles in reverse points to issues around reciprocity and fairness. It suggests a need for self-care amidst one-sided generosity or the presence of strings attached to help offered. Warning against imbalances of power and control. So I would say this goes perfectly with today's episode because if you're constantly giving out to other people and not giving care to yourself, things are gonna get very out of balance. You're not gonna feel like you have control over anything, much like our listener had submitted earlier in the episode about a mistake that they made. So I definitely think we all need to give ourselves some self-care, a little more extra generosity. It's okay to let yourself down, but it's not okay to keep letting yourself down. And hopefully we'll be able to balance uh our own power and control. That brings me to the end of this episode. So if this episode resonated at all or you thought that it was a good episode, please uh give me a review anywhere that you listen. And go give me a follow on socials, on Instagram at i knowagirl.pod. I'm on TikTok as well at i.no.a.girl.pod. Yeah, and so if you have any questions or concerns or need advice, you could submit that to our little box on our website at i knowagirl podcast.com. And I'll see you guys next week. And I hope you're enjoying Gemini season as much as I am. And if you haven't, please go get your tickets for our regulate to reconnect with joy on June 6th in Victor at my sister-in-law Lexi's office, Spark Pyropractic Wellness. Um, we would love to see you there. And so, yeah, I guess I will let you go. I hope you enjoy your Memorial Day weekend, or actually, I hope you enjoyed your Memorial Day weekend because that's when this airs, it will be after the weekend. But yeah, I hope you guys have a great time. I hope you loved this episode. Definitely leave me a review whether you liked it or not. Yeah, and share it with anybody that you think could use this little pick me up. I love you guys. Bye.