The Girl In The Mirror

In this episode I dive a little into my insecurities I have about my body, what body dysmorphia is and what it can look like for many other women. I then break it down on why we should love our bodies more and give tips on how to learn to love your body more. If you're a woman who struggles with their appearance, this episode is for you.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Hey, hey, welcome back to I Know a Girl, the cozy corner of the internet where we hype each other up, get a little raw and reel, and remember healing is hot. I'm your host, Morgan, and today's episode is one that feels incredibly vulnerable for me. So please bear with me. But I'm gonna talk about it because it's something that I've struggled with most of my life, and I'm finding many more women are struggling with it too. And that's body dysmorphia, or our body image. The relationship that we have with a person staring back at us when we look in the mirror. And honestly, this conversation is very overdue. I mentioned about doing this episode months and months ago, and I just haven't had the moment to kind of get all my thoughts and feelings out onto an episode about it without obviously picking myself apart. I don't know many women who haven't struggled with this at some point. Maybe it's your weight, maybe it's the way your stomach looks, maybe it's the way that your skin looks, maybe you feel you have bigger arms, maybe you don't like the way your clothes fit. It's the way that you compare yourself to other women, okay? I think so many of us spend years believing that if we could just change our bodies, we'd finally feel happy with ourselves. And today I'm gonna talk about how I figured out that's not true. I figured out that's not true long, long before now. So let's start with what body dysmorphia actually is. Body dysmorphia or body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health condition where a person becomes excessively preoccupied with the flaws in their appearance. Often these flaws are minute. Sometimes they're completely unnoticeable to other people. However, the person that is experiencing them, it feels enormous. And sometimes these thoughts can consume hours of your day. Sometimes these thoughts can affect your relationship, not only with somebody else romantically, but your relationship with yourself. It affects your confidence, it affects how you appear in social situations. It affects your overall quality of life. The important thing to understand, however, is that body dysmorphia isn't true. I think my relationship with my body started long before I ever even realized it. Because growing up, I watched my mom criticize her body constantly. She was always picking things apart about herself. She would restrict food, she would talk about needing to lose weight, she would talk about like all these little things that she didn't like about herself. So here's one thing. I've spoken about it in many episodes before. Your children are always listening. And that's why part of the reason why I made this podcast is because I have a daughter myself, and I don't want to ever hear her picking her body apart. And I frequently tell her how beautiful she is. And there's many times as she has told me herself, she thinks that I'm beautiful, she thinks that I'm pretty. And I always remind her, baby, you are half of me. Therefore, you are just as beautiful, if not more beautiful, than your mama. Even when the comments about yourself aren't directed at your children, like if I say I have big arms, my daughter someday might think that she also has big arms. I really just want to learn how to love my body, so then I could teach my daughter to also love her body. And then the future generation that she gives us will also love their body. There have been many relationships that I've been in where they have also made comments about my body. Like I had one boyfriend in specific that used to constantly hound me about working out with him because he thought I needed to be as fit as he was. That did a lot on me mentally because I never felt like I was enough for him. On top of that, like there were so many people that used to make comments to me about like, why is he with you? And that like that would make me spiral just as bad. But then there was like a few people that I dated that like one in particular, I ended a relationship with, and he took a petty moment and decided to say, Well, your body wasn't that great, anyways. I was just like, thanks. I appreciate that. There were many times that like I would have jokes made about my appearance from people that I considered friends, uh, people that I considered family. Um, even my in-laws have made comments about my body. All of this was causing concern inside myself. Like, I should work out more, you know, I would look better if I did. Maybe you should lose some weight. Are you starving yourself? Some people know exactly where to aim when they want to hurt you. They use the things you're already insecure about because they know that they'll hit you where it hurts the most. But this is what changed everything for me. So back in 2020, I started losing the baby weight. Okay. And I thought happiness would come with every single pound that I saw drop. I was obsessing over checking the scale every morning after I went to the bathroom. And every single time the weight came off, yes, I was excited, but then like it didn't last very long. The excitement didn't last very long because I still felt like a miserable fat bitch. And that's when I realized I cannot hate myself into loving myself. I cannot bully myself into confidence. I cannot punish myself anymore for not looking like a Victoria's Secret model because I wasn't a Victoria's Secret model. I needed to do the inner work within myself. So let me give you just 20 examples of what body dysmorphia could look like for someone other than what I just explained. One example is you're constantly checking mirrors. You're constantly checking to make sure that you look good. Another example is you avoid mirrors altogether. You don't want to know what you look like. Or you're comparing your body to strangers, comparing your body to celebrities, taking hundreds of photos of yourself and then deleting them because they don't look good in your opinion. Or refusing to look at photos that you're in because you are already anticipating that you look like shit. Another example is you obsess over one body part, or believe everyone that notices your flaws, or constantly asking for reassurance from your friends or your coworkers or your family. Another example is believing your worth changes with your weight. Well, I'm raising my hand on that one because I thought that for the longest time. Another example is feeling guilty after eating. Yeah, I'm raising my hand on that one too. Pinching or grabbing body fat repeatedly. Who else has done that? Because I'm raising my hand for that one. How about changing outfits multiple times because you think you look fat or you're displeased with how your clothes look on you? Avoiding intimacy because of your insecurities. I'll raise my hand for that. There's many times that I was not intimate with my husband because I didn't feel like I was pretty or even sexy. Another example is believing compliments are lies. How many times has somebody told you they thought you looked pretty or they liked your outfit or literally just said anything nice to you, and you pick it apart and show them how they're wrong? I'll raise my hand because I do that all the time. I still do it. In fact, that's one of the habits that I'm currently trying to break. Another example is fixating on old photos. So let me give you a little story on this. There's one photo from me from I think I was in like fifth grade, fifth or sixth grade. I'd have to really dive deep into finding out how old I was at the time, but it was my soccer photo. And I loved it. I loved the way my hair looked, I loved the way my smile was. I feel like I looked just my absolute best. But then anytime somebody like wanted me to send a picture of myself to them, that was the picture I would send. And I can't tell you how many people were like, girl, why are you sending me a picture of you from your childhood? Because I felt like that was my best picture ever. However, I no longer think that was my best picture ever. I think that was just the start of me loving myself or a moment of me loving myself. Another example is waiting to live life until you lose the weight. How many people are not happy with a number on the scale? And because of the number on the scale, they're not going out to events that they're invited to. They are not going out literally for anything other than the necessities of work, groceries, and home. Because I've been one of those girls where I don't want to go out and do anything except for work and pick up my groceries and go back home. Our last and final example is thinking you'll finally love yourself once you reach a certain number. You can't see it, but I'm raising my hand because back in 2020, before I, you know, started my fitness journey, I thought this number right here is what I have to get to in order to start loving myself. Everything is gonna be great, everything will be perfect as soon as I hit this weight. Guess what? I hit that weight. Do you think everything was perfect when I hit that weight? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. There were so many people that were like, How did you lose the weight? You look great, you look absolutely amazing. I barely even recognized you. And then, yeah, thank you for you know congratulating me on the hard work because it was hard fucking work, but I still didn't feel better about myself on the inside. And you want to know why? Is because I was still picking myself apart. I wasn't just loving my body as it was. I was striving to be an unattainable image. Because honestly, I wasn't striving to be my best self. I was still comparing myself to other people. And guess what? That was stupid because I'm never gonna be those people. So for anybody that's like going through this, you're not alone in the slightest bit. Nowadays, with social media, we're seeing more bodies in one day than our ancestors probably ever saw in years. We're seeing curated bodies, filtered bodies, edited bodies, posed bodies, surgically enhanced bodies, bodies that are under perfect lighting. And all of that to be said, and we're still comparing ourselves to other people's highlight reels. So of course we're fucking struggling because we're comparing ourselves to something that we will never be. We will never be somebody else other than ourselves. So why not love ourselves? If you're gonna compare yourself, compare yourself from what you were like a week ago or a year ago. And guess what? I'm comparing myself to how I was a year ago, and not only was I not doing good a year ago mentally, but I wasn't doing good a year ago physically either. And so I started doing yoga. And once I felt like I was confident enough in doing yoga, I started doing Pilates. And now I've been doing Pilates for probably three months now. And don't get me wrong, it's fucking hard. But the more that I've been doing it, it's been getting less hard. And then I'm building confidence in myself because I'm like, holy shit, I'm fucking doing this, right? And so it's it's been a challenge rewriting my inner narrative while also physically changing on the outside too, but this time around is so much different than what it was years ago, so way different. Because not only am I like putting in this hard work, but I'm also loving my body in the present moment because I have birthed two babies. I never did that before, and I have so much experience with this body than I was before. And so I want to give a couple of tips for whenever you're spiraling, because up until you know doing this inner work on myself, I would spiral a lot. So the next time you feel yourself spiraling or picking yourself apart, I want you to ask yourself, would you ever say this to your best friend? Would you ever say to your best friend, damn, your arms look really fat today? No, you wouldn't. Would you say to your best friend, girl, you look like you're getting a gut? No, you fucking wouldn't. And if you would, girl, you have bigger fish to fry. That's for sure. I want you to stop checking out your body. I want you to stop comparing yourself to people on social media. I want you to focus on yourself. Focus on your happiness. And if you can't do that, then just simply ask yourself, what did your body do for you today? And be thankful for what it was able to do for you. Okay, because some people don't have the abilities to do that. Some people are stuck in a hospital bed and don't have the ability to do all that we have with our bodies. So definitely practice gratitude. Then I want you to move your body. Not because you need to, not because you're punishing it, but because you love it. And we want to celebrate that we still have our mobility while we do. Now, another little reminder confidence is practiced. We don't just wake up more one morning and have confidence. I mean, you do after you practice it. However, I've said in many episodes before, you gotta fake it till you make it. So you gotta pretend that you're confident, and soon, over time, you're not pretending anymore. You're just fucking confident. But I also want to say, if you are spiraling about your body and you're picking it apart non-stop, and you're trying all these little tips that I'm giving you, and nothing seems to work, please seek support. Whether it be from me or a therapist or a professional, definitely seek support and don't feel bad for it because we all go through this. So on this week's soft like starter kit, every morning for the next week until the next episode, I want you to stand in front of the mirror and I want you to say, My body is not the most interesting thing about me. Because it's true. Your body is just your body. You know what matters more? Your kindness, your heart, your laughter, your courage. Your whole story is not based off of your appearance or how your body looks. Your whole story is based on the shit that you've been through and how you overcome it. So part of your story is going to be learning to love yourself. So let's get into our horoscope hype, and then we can get into our tarot card poll for the episode, and then we will end it. But our horoscope hype is starting with Aries. Aries, you are direct, courageous, and passionate. You're here to win, you've always got an idea, you fiercely love, and you're not afraid to set shit on fire. You are very much the do or die, in it to win it, and I'll fight you of the zodiac. Taurus, you are generous, reliable, and loyal. You are very much the one to say, it's my treat, or take home your leftovers, or be the first one to your friends when they're having a meltdown. You love your skincare. Adding to cart is your favorite button to push, and you are a social distancing expert, Gemini. You are charismatic, conversational, and the perfect amount of chaos. You're constantly saying, What do you think? Or just trust me, or but what if you are very curious, but also very much into giving out unsolicited opinions. You have tons of unfinished projects, but you're always the first one to respond in group chats. Cancers. You are supportive, silly, but yet sensitive. You are always the one that wants to talk about it, and frequently say, I'm not gonna cry. You have the cutest baby voices for your pets, you're always down to go home, always asking, what's that supposed to mean? But your heart is always full. And bath time is your favorite self-care moment. Leo's you are absorbed, but yet affectionate and ambitious. You never hesitate to treat yourself, you make playlists for your crutches, and going live on Instagram is your favorite hobby. You're always down for a new look, you turn your friends into family members, always adding some kind of pizzazz to whatever you could get your hands on, and you're constantly looking amazing. Virgos. You are sensible but savage and very savvy. We can often hear you saying, Did you try restarting? or found a great deal. You're always telling people about themselves or saying, That's not how I would do it. But you're also always there to help. And you don't want to see anyone get hurt. Libras. You are tasteful and thoughtful and tactful. You're constantly saying, don't screenshot that. Or let's spend time together. Or hope this finds you well. You like to give casual winks, keeping the peace, often the life of the party, but very indecisive sometimes. Scorpios. You are passionate, private, and powerful. You're the first to say you're hexed and none of your business. You're not jealous, but you want to know why people are obsessed with you. You often don't believe in things right off the bat, and you've always got a hunch. You are very much the I'm fine, don't worry about me of the zodiac. Sagittarius. You are smart and surprising, but very spirited. You're always saying, Did you know? Or what's next? Or guess what? You play with your heart, but you also get lost in the game. You're the type of person that thinks of the glass as half full, not half empty. And you have a really nice knack for being lucky all the time. You have this motto of you can't win if you don't play. Capricorns. You are dependable, disciplined, and diligent. You often would say, What do you need? Or I got it covered. Or I told you no. You just have an inner knowing. You don't like to apologize. You think you're the big shot around here, but when you want something, you go get it. You're always the rise and shine ready to grind of this zodiac. Aquarius. You are abstract, arrogant, and accurate. You're always first to say, let me explain, or wrong, what's next? You can see into the future, often say, I told you so, love your alone time, but often thinking of things from a different perspective than others. You trust like-minded people with a strong sense of justice who don't attempt to make you into something you're not. Aquarius thrives when they feel totally free to express themselves. Pisces, you are creative, intuitive, and empathetic. You're often the first person to give a hug when somebody needs it. You like to paint your feelings, and you are very much into tarot readings. You are a vibe. You like to play cosplay. You might even be becoming an astrologer, but your playlists are like your love language, and you love giving air hugs. Okay, so let's get into our tarot card pull for the episode. Okay, so the card that we got is the King of Cups. And the King of Cups is the master of emotional control and empathy. The King of Cups exudes compassion, offering balanced, supportive leadership. His diplomatic nature fosters tolerance, making him a beacon of understanding and emotional stability. So, yes, pretty much everything that I've been saying in this episode about how we need to have emotional control and empathy for ourselves. We need to have tons of compassion for ourselves and be supportive of our body, of where it's at right now, and how, you know, if we continue to support it, we will eventually end up with the body that we want, but we need to stop comparing ourselves to other people first. We're only trying to better ourselves. And if we're comparing ourselves to somebody else, well, we're not going to be able to better ourselves that way because we will never be those other people. I think one of the greatest tragedies women experience is spending years at war with your body, a body that has carried them through everything, whether it be heartbreak, grief, maybe childbirth, but healing, survival. So if nobody has told you lately, your body is not your enemy. And it never has been. So take the rest of today and try to be thankful about your body. Because if you didn't have your body, you wouldn't be here earthside. And your body's been through a lot. Every hard thing that you've ever been through, your body is there for you. So let's start respecting it and treating it like we love it. Because this is the only body we have the rest of our life here. Thank you for spending this time with me. Thank you for being here. I hope this episode helps you see yourself with kinder eyes. And if you liked this episode, definitely give me a review wherever you listen to this episode. It would greatly, I would greatly appreciate it, and it helps other people find the podcast and helps other people feel like they are safe. You could follow me on socials. I'm on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook. I'm more on Instagram and TikTok than anything else, though. But you could find me on Instagram at I knowAGirl.pod and on TikTok at i.no.a.girl.pod. And on Facebook, it's just I know a girl podcast. So yeah, I hope this is a good episode for you guys. I hope it resonates well. I hope you all stop beating yourselves up about your body. And if you're really truly unhappy with your body, hit me up. I could be your accountability partner for working out. But last and not least, I want you to always remember that I love you and you are special. You are enough. So I'll see you guys next week. I love you. Bye.