#012 - Confidence is built in doing the hard things

In episode 12 of The OvercomeHer Podcast, host Samantha Noelle breaks down why confidence is misunderstood in business and how it’s built—not something you’re born with. She shares that confidence conveys, attracts, and changes how you sell, take risks, and handle distractions, and she challenges the idea that you need confidence before you take action. 

Using examples like Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant, she explains that confidence comes from preparation, repetition, and collecting evidence of competence. 

Samantha encourages you to “borrow” confidence from strengths you already have, commit to 100 reps of the thing you avoid (sales, content, networking, leadership, etc.), and track what works. She also emphasizes keeping small promises to yourself to build self-trust, avoiding comparison, and focusing on your own growth over time.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I think confidence is one of the most misunderstood topics in business. Oftentimes we don't even recognize confidence until we see it in someone else. And then we compare. We admire how another woman just seems to walk into a room like she owns it, like the room was just waiting for her. And then we tend to make up stories immediately about what that means, what it means about us, what it means about her. Or we shrink ourselves and feel less adequate because she seems to radiate like the sun while we feel like some ogre. Have you ever felt this? Hey everyone, I'm your host, Samantha Noel, and you are listening to episode number 12 of the Overcome Her podcast. In today's episode, I'm going to talk about how to build confidence in your business. Because confidence conveys, it projects, and it attracts. And let's be honest, confidence is sexy. Because confidence says, I don't need anything from you. I am solid on my own right here. And I think that's really important for life and business. When we are confident in ourselves, we approach everything differently. We take more risks. We can discern more easily when we are wasting our time on people and projects that are draining us. We sell with less stress and anxiety because our identity isn't hanging on to one person saying yes to us. We keep moving with the confidence of what we are bringing to the table. And I think a lot of people believe that people who are confident just woke up that way. Like Beyonce's, I woke up like this. They believe that they were confident before they started their successful business, before they quit their job, before they asked investors for money. And I promise 99% of us didn't feel confident before we took action. We took action, made some good decisions along the way, made a lot of bad ones. And as we continue to move forward, confidence was built. Have you ever heard yourself saying or thinking, I'm not ready to raise my prices, I'll just wait until I have more experience. Or what about I don't know what to post? Or I feel weird when I try to sell to my ideal customer. In other words, I'm not confident in my own offer. Confidence isn't permission to do something. If you have a dream of building something and you know what it will take to get there, as long as it doesn't harm anyone, you have permission to go on with your bad self and do the thing. Every time you take action towards something, especially when it's uncomfortable or uncommon action, you are building confidence within yourself. Now, most people know the story of Michael Jordan, number 23, one of the best basketball players of all time. As a sophomore, which is grade 10 for my non-American listeners, he was cut from the varsity team. And again, the varsity team is the highest level sports team that represents a school and is made up of the best of the best. He was cut from that team and he was demoted to a junior varsity team. Instead of letting that deter him from his goals, he practiced over and over again. And that ended up bringing him to being a six-time NBA champion and known as one of the best players ever. And then, of course, there's Kobe Bryant, who would recall in interviews how he used to be terrible compared to older players when he was younger, but he focused on being obsessed with repetition. Thousands of shots, thousands of practice hours. He would often say, confidence comes from preparation. And he was right. Think about the first time you did anything, the first time you learned how to ride a bike. Were you confident about it? Highly unlikely. In fact, you probably fell a few times. I know that I did. Yet you still chose getting on the bike. Why? Because you felt confident? No. Because you were determined to get it right because riding a bike was more important to you than being confident about riding the bike. See what I'm saying there? The outcome for you wasn't feeling confident. And the getting there wasn't that you did feel confident. You had a goal and you had a vision, and that was more important to you than how you felt on the inside. Even if you felt scared, uncertain, and like a complete loser because other kids your age were already riding a bike and you didn't. And I think that that might be half the battle. Sometimes we are more worried about our lack of confidence than we are about just going and doing the thing that's important to us, building a wildly successful business. So I'm gonna ask you before we start diving more into this episode, what would you do if you were more confident? What would you do differently? What would you take action on more if you were more confident in your business? What would you do? Sometimes I think that confidence gets borrowed, meaning you don't feel fully confident yet, but you can at the very least recognize that you have some strengths and some skills, right? If I had to ask you what are you good at, you could probably list at least one thing. Even the most insecure and unconfident person can admit to at least one thing that they feel confident about within themselves or that they think that they might be good at. So I bet you have things that you are good at. And some of those things probably relate to your business. So borrow the confidence that you have in those things for going out and doing the things that you're not yet confident in. I don't know why this is, but we as humans, we tend to focus on the glass being half empty far more than we focus on it being half full. And I would say that this is probably especially true for female entrepreneurs and even for entrepreneurs in general, but I want to say female entrepreneurs specifically, because I know us women who are crazy enough to go and start our own businesses tend to be more type A. Rarely are we type B. And even if it's a type B female, she usually has some type A tendencies. It's just part of the nature of the game of the person that's driven towards building their own business and going for something that outrageous and that ambitious. And it is outrageous and ambitious, but it might not always feel that way to us. We tend to focus on what am I lacking? What am I missing? How am I missing the mark? How am I not doing well enough? And I think that those are really great things to focus on when it comes to helping us refine and get better because we should have a desire to be the best, to be the best at whatever it is that we are doing and not focus on other people and not compare ourselves. But unfortunately, oftentimes what happens with having that glass half-empty mentality is that we ignore the things that we're actually confident in doing. And we forget that we are actually confident in other areas and that we have the ability to step into our power fully, even if we don't always feel ready. Think about your own business and think about clients that you have served. Think about clients that have come back to you and said, Oh my gosh, I'm so happy this worked so well. I got these results, this changed my life. Thank you so much. There are people who will give you feedback about what you're doing and what you're offering. And usually there's a lot of people who are thankful for what you're doing and offering. And I surmise that if you're hard enough on yourself to not always feel confident, that it means you care. It means that you actually care about the output that you give. And people who actually genuinely care about high quality output tend to also be the people who actually receive compliments about doing a good job because you're not just putting something out there with no quality or with no desire to actually have a real lasting impact for people. So you can probably look at examples in your own business where you've served somebody and it's been a win. Maybe you have solved problems for people that have helped them go on to grow their business or improve their life or improve their health. Maybe you have overcome challenges that other people who are around you couldn't even overcome. That can build confidence. Maybe you have testimonies from people who rave about your work. Maybe you've been doing this for so long that you're such an expert that you don't even realize what an expert you are because you've been doing this for so long. And maybe along the way you've just acquired skills. Confidence tends to grow when you intentionally review evidence. And I'll tell you about myself. I think everybody has insecurities. Some people are genuinely insecure people, but everybody has insecurities, meaning things that they feel more vulnerable when they share with other people or when other people get close enough to them to actually see. And I would say that I'm a person who I'm confident in who I am, but I do have insecurities sometimes. And I think the thing that has allowed me to feel confident in who I am is that I'm willing to get it wrong. I don't like getting it wrong. In fact, I would prefer to not get it wrong, but I don't mind it. I know that getting it wrong just gives me feedback and information about how I can get it right. And I tend to hyperanalyze everything that I do, and I'm not worried about being messy in the process because I know that I'm working towards being better. And I'm always focused on the end goal of being better. And that for me has helped build confidence. I've also had to overcome a lot in my life, and the ability to continue to be resilient has allowed me to feel more confident in who I am, that even when life throws me a curveball or something happens, I know that I at least am resourceful and resilient. And being resourceful and resilient have helped build my own confidence that even if I don't get it right on the first try, even if I don't get it right on the fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth try, that I at least will be resilient enough and resourceful enough to figure it out again. It's not that I don't review my shortcomings because as I mentioned, I'm constantly analyzing myself, but I don't get so tripped up on them because I know that anything that I really want to change, I can. There's certain things about myself I can't change, and I accept those. And I think that allows me to have confidence even when I don't feel confident, if that makes sense. And I'll give you an example. When I was in recruiting, I had to cold call businesses and I had to pitch a fake or a real candidate. And I say fake because I had the candidate in my database, but maybe they weren't actually looking for a job at that time. And I had to pitch to businesses. And at first it felt incredibly weird to me. So I wasn't confident about what I was saying or what I was doing. And I realized that I probably sounded weird, but I was okay with that because I was confident in the fact that I was moving towards excellence, I was moving towards being better at this and eventually getting to the point where it did become so natural where I was just having a conversation with somebody on the phone that was more natural. And that brings me into the next section of this episode, which is about repetition. Now, in my example of cold calling businesses, the only thing that made me better at it, repetition. It did become easier. The conversation started to flow. I started to feel more confident, and I learned really quickly that instead of imagining that I'm asking them for something or I'm asking them to trust me with their business, I started thinking in my head, I need to imagine that I have something really good to offer this company. And this company could benefit from having a really great employee in their business. Which, if you followed along and paid attention to other episodes, you will hear me talk about over and over and over again. Don't focus on you getting something from the person. Focus on the value that you're giving to them and the problem that you're solving, even if they don't realize that they have a problem that you are actually going to solve for them. Because sometimes the problems get revealed in the process. I think sometimes that we can have this unrealistic expectation that we'll feel confident earlier on than we do. Meaning we imagine that maybe it's hard the first couple of times, but then we'll feel more confident about it afterwards. But that's not necessarily the case. Most of the time, it takes a lot of repetition before we start to feel comfortable. If there is something in your business that you aren't fully confident in, maybe it's sales, maybe it's charging, maybe it's closing the sale, maybe it's asking for the sale, maybe it's cold calling or reaching out to people that aren't actively asking for what it is that you have to sell. Maybe it's going and asking an investor for funding. Maybe it's asking for support from other people. Maybe you don't feel very confident in hiring. Pick one thing in your business that you don't feel very confident about doing, and then commit to doing that 100 times. I'm gonna share something with you guys honestly right now. And this probably goes against somebody's advice somewhere. I'm certain it does. So I'm breaking a rule right here, right now, on this episode, and that is if I'm fully honest, I do not feel confident recording this episode right here, right now, all about confidence. And why? I don't actually even really know. Maybe it's because I don't even feel like it's of value. I think that that's the honest to God truth. I don't feel like I'm going to give enough value in this very episode. Something that you should know about me is that whatever I do, I don't like to half-ass anything. I don't. I pay attention to the details, I pay attention to every little thing. And if I don't deliver 110% of something that I am invested in, I will pick it apart mentally afterwards so that next time I do better. Nobody can critique me harder than I can critique myself. Because even when people think that they're critiquing me hard, and even if it stings, they're not saying anything that I haven't already thought of. So right now, as I'm recording this episode about confidence, I'm thinking, why am I recording this episode about confidence? Even though it came to me as an inspired idea that I need to talk about this, why do I not feel confident recording this episode? I don't feel like there's a ton of value in it. And the truth of the matter is, I'll probably get messages saying that this episode was so valuable, that they really needed to hear that. They needed to be reminded of it because they don't feel confident. I know that my ideal client doesn't feel confident most of the time. I know that she's hard on herself. I know that she doubts herself. I know that she procrastinates doing the very things that are going to help scale and grow her business because she doesn't always feel confident and then she feels less confident because she's by herself trying to do this. Her family and her friends probably don't even believe in her. People have probably told her she's not going to be successful, it's probably going to fail. So many other people are doing this out there. Why does she think that hers is going to be more successful? So my ideal client is out there building her business by herself, and she's bootstrapping things and she's just figuring it out as she goes, and she feels unconfident every single freaking day, but she still chooses to show up. And then sometimes she doesn't because that lack of confidence and that doubt and that fear starts to creep into her mind more than anything else. And then she starts to believe and buy the BS that the people around her are feeding her because really they're just jealous. They're jealous. Let's be real. The people that are around you, the doubt you, if they doubt you, it's because they're jealous that you have the gumption and the ladyballs to do something that they're too afraid to even try doing themselves. And so, my ideal female business owner, she's out there not feeling confident most of the time. And yet I don't even feel confident recording this episode because I'm thinking it's not going to be of value. So even I have these moments, but I still show up, I still sit here and I record and I edit and I put out the episode because I'm committed every Monday, every Thursday, a new episode has to drop because my mission and my goal and my focus on that mission and that goal is way bigger than any lack of confidence that I might feel, and even any doubt that I might have about the value that I'm actually even putting out in this moment. So that's the kind of thinking that you need to embody yourself is that when you don't feel confident, remember that I don't feel confident. Remember that most women that are out there building their own business, bootstrapping, doing it by themselves, they don't feel confident most of the time. We're all kind of faking it, but we don't even tell each other that we're faking it. It's like a big secret club that everybody's a part of, but nobody knows that they're actually in it. And no one talks about the thing that we all secretly feel, which is that we don't feel confident, but we're just out there doing something because we have a crazy dream that we're crazy enough to try to do. So now I'm gonna get back into this episode because that was a total segue that I didn't actually anticipate doing, but I thought this is coming up. I need to actually inject this into this episode right now. Going back to what I was saying, you might not feel confident in a certain area in your business. Maybe you feel really confident about the product that you have built and that you know that the product actually works and does what you say that it will do. Or maybe you're really, really confident about your process for the service that you provide. But maybe you don't feel very confident doing sales. Maybe it's a really weird thing for you to do the sales piece of your business, or maybe you're not very confident getting up in front of people and speaking. Maybe you're not confident about your content creation. Maybe it's networking, maybe it's being a leader in your business. Maybe that feels awkward for you. So here's what you're going to do: dedicate to 100 repetitions of doing the thing that you are not confident doing. Is it a hundred sales calls, a hundred sales emails, a hundred DM pitches? Is it a hundred reels for Instagram socials? What is it that you need to do? Is it showing up as a leader and a boss every single day? A hundred days of showing up and being a leader with full intent. I'm going to be a leader, I'm going to do what it takes. I'm going to read books. I'm going to listen to podcasts that teach me how to be a confident leader so that I show up every day making boss babe decisions and track them. Don't just say you're going to do it, but actually track. Create a diary for yourself where you track I did this. How did it work? What worked, what did not work, what failed, what was uncomfortable about it. When did I notice? That I received positive results in what I was doing. Because the thing is, is that somewhere along the way of you doing that many times, the confidence will start to appear. And guess what? Then one day you will probably teach somebody else how to do the very thing that today you didn't feel so confident doing. And the thing about doing what it is that we're not really the best at yet. And so naturally we don't have the confidence yet because we don't have the competence. And so sometimes we need a skill. If it's sales that we're not very good at, we need to learn the skill of selling. And what's really cool about understanding this is that selling is a skill. Leadership is a skill. Speaking is a skill. Content creation is a skill. Networking is a skill. I remember I was in university and I was on the accounting association for my university. And back when I was going to university, I partnered with CMABC and they asked me if I would be their campus representative at the university that I was attending. And part of being a campus representative meant that I had to go to networking events. I was 23 years old. I was so scared and clueless of what do I do in a networking event? How do I go and talk to people that I've never talked to before? And I remember sitting down with a sales and marketing person who I reported to at CMABC and asked her, what do I do? And I got a couple of tips and I just took it from there. I remember my first networking event where I was in a room full of people who were designated, who were much older than me. Some of them were 20, 30, 40 years older, some maybe just 10 years older than me, and going up to groups of people. And I did not have my safety buddy. I went by myself. I showed up to the event by myself and I started asking if I could join groups of discussions around the room. And I learned how to network like a boss just through repetition, just through doing the thing that I was so uncomfortable doing. And I would say that I borrowed confidence. I did exactly what I am teaching in this episode, which is borrow confidence from something that you are confident in. And the one thing that I was confident in is that I was on the accounting association for my university. That was it. I mean, nothing crazy, nothing big. I wasn't some big hot shot. I didn't have anything beside my name. I just borrowed confidence from the one thing that I knew that I had that connected me to this event that allowed me to be at the event. And that was where I got my confidence from enough to be able to go up and talk to people. And over time I got to networking so much that sometimes I was networking four times a week. And I just love networking now. It was one of the scariest, most awkward things for me. And now I love it so much. I could give a whole masterclass on how to network like a boss. So sometimes what you actually need is just a skill. And the skill gets developed over time, the more that you do something. The more times that Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant shot hoops, the better that they got. The more the times that they practice the three-point shot, the better that they got it. The more times you do something, the better you get at it. Because you learn every time you do something. You learn what you did right, you learn what you could have done better. And that starts to build confidence in yourself because of the competence that you have in the skill. And nobody is born competent at anything. We just gain it over time. Okay, I should not say nobody because you sometimes have those child prodigies, but still, everybody starts somewhere. And even the child prodigies still have to practice and do the repetition and build the skill. When I first started my business, I was competent enough, but I wasn't as competent as I am today. And today I could honestly do things in my sleep, and I know it like the back of my hand. And that only came from years and years of working with various clients in different industries and different problems and circumstances. The more I knew and understood what I was doing, the more confident that I became. And over the years, I got to be the one that saw the results of other people who weren't competent. And then that made me realize that I was far more competent and skilled than I realized. Because not only could I do what they couldn't, but I could fix what they had messed up and I could make sense of the mess that they had created. And that gave me confidence. It gave me confidence to charge more. And over time, I had a almost 100% close rate with new clients. Meaning every single new referral that came my way, I was having almost a 100% close rate. And usually if I didn't close it, which was very rare, it was because I didn't even feel excited or want to work with that potential client. In your business, you might have various things that you have to do that will be new to you. And they might feel really awkward and unnatural. For instance, you might use sales scripts in your business. You might need to learn how to objection handle. You might need to understand financial literacy, leadership conversations, hard, tough higher fire conversations, public speaking. And I remember when I first tried my hand at true sales, because up until the point of me actually getting my first real sales job, my experience with sales was upselling bacon bits on Caesar salads and cheese on garlic toast as a server at Boston Pizza or selling clothes in a retail store. But when I had to actually memorize a sales script and go into people's homes to sell a product, that was when I had to learn a new skill set around sales. And the only thing that made me better was the repetition, evaluating how I did after every sales meeting and being really meticulous about critiquing myself and figuring out ways to make it more natural. And I suspect that the same will be true for you and parts of your business that you aren't yet the master at. Rarely do we get to see somebody's bombed attempts. We get to see the rehearsed version. Imagine if stage actors never actually rehearsed, there would be no play and no one would want to pay to see such a disaster. You always end up seeing somebody's rehearsed and final version, not their failed attempts when they are mastering their skill. So remember that. When you start getting the thief of comparison that starts to come in and try to plant seeds of doubt and tries to wreck your confidence in yourself and tell you you're not good enough because so-and-so is better than you. I want you to remember the Kobe Bryan's of the world. I want you to remember that nobody that you see and you're comparing yourself to, you're not seeing their failed attempts. You're not seeing the times they bombed, and you have no idea how many times it took them to get to the result that you get to see. And you're still only seeing a very small percentage of their output. So here's a little bit of a journaling prompt for you. You can even, if you're in the car driving, you can think about these questions as I go through these. But this is a little bit of a way for you to just help guide yourself through this process. What do I feel least confident about in my business? So think about that or journal that. Can you borrow some skill that you had that might relate to this area of your business that you don't feel very confident about? What evidence do you have that you already possess some degree of a skill related to that? Now, the last question: what actions can I start taking to improve these three skills that I would need to be better at? And if you've listened to my episodes and you've followed along, you only need one degree of difference to end up in a better position than you are now. So you don't need to change everything. So what actions can I start taking to improve these three skills that I would need to be better at? So now that you have some actions that you can start taking to improve three skills that you would need to be better at in order to feel more confident in an area of your business, now you need to actually follow through with those actions. And that brings me into this next section, which is all about keeping promises to yourself. Because when we don't keep promises to ourselves, we feel less confident, right? Every time that you say you're going to do something and you don't do it, you lose confidence within yourself. You lose trust in yourself. And what most people don't understand is that the ability to trust ourselves is at the root of confidence. When we trust ourselves to do a great job, we feel more confident. When we trust ourselves to know what we can and cannot do, we're more confident. Confidence is built when we know what we can and we can't do. When we trust ourselves to take total responsibility for output, we feel more competent. We feel more confident. Think about it. If things in your business go wrong and you blame somebody else every time, how confident are you going to feel in yourself? You're not, because you think that your success is dependent on someone or something outside of you. So where is you in that equation? You're outside of it. So there's no confidence to be built there. When you take complete responsibility for your business and for yourself, you begin to feel more confident even when you aren't doing great because you realize the power lies in you to build and to be successful, and that you have the tools and the resources and you begin to build trust within yourself. And when we take consistent action that we commit to taking, we are building trust with ourselves, which builds our confidence. Think about the relationships in your life that you feel the most confident about. They are the relationships that you trust the most. The relationships where you trust the other person and their intentions, their stickability. Confidence in yourself is built the same way. Do you trust your own intentions and stickability? You trust yourself when you've proven you will follow through. There's a few small ways that you can learn to trust yourself. Let your yes mean yes and your no mean no. Make smaller promises. Stop trying to make large, grandiose promises and commitments to yourself. Start small and build over time and keep more of your promises. Consistency beats intensity every time. In this last section, I just want to remind you stop measuring yourself against people who are well beyond their years of experience than you, or who are just showing up as their absolute best version because that's a confidence killer. Comparison is the thief of joy. People compare their first video to somebody's thousandth video, their first offer to somebody's tenth year in business, their first podcast to a veteran speaker. And that's insane. Measure yourself against your previous version. And I think that that's what's worked well for me historically. I don't tend to compare myself against other people. The minute I find myself starting to compare myself to somebody else, I have to check myself. And if I'm following them on social media, I either unfollow them or I mute their stuff so that I don't see their stuff. Because I don't want comparison to be stealing my joy. I need to show up in the confidence of myself. And just every day I'm competing against myself. I'm not competing against somebody else. I'm competing against me because the goal is to become the best version of me that I can possibly become. And somebody else has a different set of circumstances, upbringing, skill set, values, morals, likes, dislikes, everything about them is different than me. So I'm literally comparing a grapefruit to a banana. They're not the same. So don't let comparison build your confidence because it will steal your joy and it will steal your confidence. And I want you to think about something. Have you ever gone down memory lane? I want you to think about the drawings that you had when you were five years old. If your parents still have some of your drawings from when you're a child, go back and look at them. And I want you to see how far you've come. And maybe you're not Picasso today, but maybe you can draw a heck of a lot better than you could at five, six, or 10. And you might think I'm better at drawing now than I was because of my age. But that's a thing. That's just time. It's just practice. It's repetition. It's just you develop skills along the way, your hand-eye coordination, your ability to look at something and perceive it more fully than you did when you were five, and humans were stick figures. It's the same in your business. It's the same in anything that you're going to do that's going to help you succeed. You start today, you're better in 10 years than if you try to start in 10 years. Keep things that you've done today and go back and look at it in six and in 12 months and see how much growth you've had. That's a reminder. Confidence is built through the evidence of what you can do, through the evidence of what you have done, through the evidence of what you do bring to the table, from the repetition of doing something over and over and over. So you get comfortable with it the more that you do it. Competence. Competence is tied to your confidence. And you only get more competent at something by doing it more frequently. The ability to trust yourself and the ability to show up and keep small promises to yourself. That is going to give you confidence within you that nobody will be able to take away. And being consistent, doing it every day. And when you don't do it, having enough confidence in yourself to go, I'm going to shake it off and I'm going to get up and I'm just going to do it again. It's okay if I missed a day or two days or three. Confidence is not motivation and it's not affirmations alone. Affirmations are great, and I think that everybody should be doing them, but it's not an affirmation. It's not waiting until you feel confident or until you're not afraid. The women who become confident aren't necessarily braver than anyone else. It's just that they simply keep collecting evidence that they can handle what's in front of them. And then eventually the confidence just becomes inevitable. Okay, everyone, that's it for this episode. I'm your host, Samantha Noel, and you have just listened to episode number 12 of the Overcome Her Podcast. Feel free to join me over on Facebook in my group, Built for Profit. And feel free to email questions or suggestions for the show that you have to the Overcome HerPodcast at gmail.com. Again, it's the Overcome HerPodcast at gmail.com. And I'd mentioned last time that something is in the works. I've got a course that I'm working on right now. So stay tuned for that because I'll be announcing that soon and we'll be sharing that more on my socials. Also, feel free to join me on Instagram at Samantha Noel Co. Again, it's Samantha Noel Co. And forward to talking to you guys next time. Have an amazing day.

SPEAKER_01 40:59

I can't believe we really made it was a long road to get night. But we made from the combo girl who couldn't wait down by the river, running through the fields of hay.